Living in the Moment
by Katie4863
Summary: Jack has to accept what each day brings and learn how to relax about the uncertainty of tomorrow. He will, with a lot of help from his friends.
1. Chapter 1

He was headed down what had now become a clear beaten path from the hatch to the beach. It had become routine for him. Wake up, think about what a living hell his life had become, consider not moving for a day to see what they'd all do and then sighing loudly before forcing himself up to deal with whatever new crisis the day would bring. He'd grown accustomed to starting each day by taking a long walk and making sure he made at least visual contact with each castaway, looking and watching for any signs of sickness or a new injury and most of all, taking a mental head count to make sure they were all still there.

He was deep in thought when he heard the light cries of the baby and looked up. He took in the sight for a moment and then chuckled lightly. Claire was sitting on the path with baby Aaron nestled safely in-between her bended knees and chest as she tried unsuccessfully to tie her shoe. She couldn't reach past the baby and she wasn't willing to put the baby on the ground. He shuffled his feet so as to not startle her before he spoke.

"Looks like you could use another set of hands." Jack offered with a light laugh.

"Always, but definitely right now. Stupid shoe lace won't stay tied. I tripped over it and nearly fell with the baby. Would you mind?" Claire responded as she held the infant out to Jack.

Jack gently took the boy from her and cradled him in his arms.

"It's been a few weeks since I've looked him over." Jack replied as he pulled the blankets back from the squirming baby.

He was amazed at how well the baby was thriving in these conditions. He was plump and healthy and had a big smile for Jack.

"You are certainly the happiest island baby I've ever seen. Of course you are also the only island baby I've ever seen." Jack said to Aaron in a soft, kind voice as he continued to move his hands gently over the infant, inspecting him from head to toe.

The baby cooed and smiled at him, making Jack smile.

"He likes you. You're very good with children. You really don't have any?" Claire asked.

"No. I never had the time I guess. Children are my favorite patients though. They're genuine and they don't complain even when everything medicine has taught you says they should be screaming. I get the feeling this guy likes everyone though, not just me. He's a healthy, happy baby." Jack commented.

"Maybe you like him just a little bit too?" Clair asked as Jack helped her up with his free hand.

"Who doesn't like babies? They can make you forget all your troubles, even a shit hole like this." Jack said and handed the baby back to Claire.

"Language." Claire reminded him.

"Sorry. Sorry Aaron." Jack said.

"You seem tense today Jack. Is everything okay?" Claire asked.

"Yeah, just another day in paradise right?" Jack replied with thick sarcasm.

"I suppose. I was coming to find you. There's a problem I think." Claire said softly, not wanting to make his already bad mood worse.

"What's wrong? Someone get sand in their eye? Or could it be my personal favorite, fell asleep in the sun again?" Jack sighed rolling his eyes.

"No, it's Kate." Claire said.

"Kate? What's wrong with Kate?" Jack asked, the sarcasm replaced with genuine concern. Jack knew Kate wasn't one to be sick or whine or complain about anything.

"I'm not sure Jack. I think she's injured herself and is trying to hide it." Claire said.

"What makes you think that? I saw her yesterday. She looked fine." Jack argued.

"When was the last time you saw Kate without a long-sleeved shirt?" Claire asked.

"She's always got a shirt on over her sleeveless shirts when she knows she's going to be exposed to the sun. It's smart." Jack continued to argue.

"Buttoned all the way up to her neck Jack? Never takes it off, even at night and she's favoring her left side. I walked up on her while she was looking at something on the left side of her chest. She tried to cover herself, but I saw the redness before she managed to get her shirt closed back up." Claire said.

"Okay. I'll check it out." Jack said and began leading Claire and Aaron back down the path to the beach.

"Don't tell her I told you. Okay?" Claire asked.

"I won't." Jack said as he quickly reached out and steadied her as she slipped.

"I'm clumsy today." Claire laughed, embarrassed by the near miss.

"No, the ground is pretty wet and slippery. Why don't you let me carry him until we get to the beach? I've got better shoes." Jack offered.

Claire handed the baby over to Jack and they slowly made their way to the beach, making small talk and for the first time since he had awakened that day, Jack felt at ease. He knew he had to stop letting their situation eat at him to the point of not wanting to get out of bed, but he could feel the island closing in on him. The feeling of being trapped and the reality that he could spend the rest of his life this way made him wonder how long it would be before he finally snapped. He had to learn to relax he knew that, but every time he had allowed himself to relax about their situation or about how much he could trust anyone beyond himself, something bad happened. After he and Sawyer and Kate had managed to escape and make it back safely he swore he would never let his guard down again.

When they reached the edge of the beach Jack handed Aaron back to Claire. He seemed to hesitate as if he wasn't quite ready to let go of the baby or wanted to say something or do something. Instead he just smiled and thanked Claire for warning him about Kate and for the company.

He began his walk along the beach, saying good morning and talking to those who wanted or needed to chat for just a few minutes. He spotted Kate down by the water. She and Sawyer appeared to be digging for something in the sand. He watched her intently for a few minutes. Claire was right. Her shirt was buttoned to the top and she was favoring her left side. He walked down to the spot where the two of them were crouched down digging through the wet sand.

"Hey." He said flatly.

They both looked up at him. Kate smiled and stood while Sawyer rolled his eyes, sighed and also stood.

"What's up doc? Hatch fever settin in?" Sawyer asked.

Jack didn't respond. He wasn't in the mood to verbally spar with Sawyer.

"Haven't seen you in a few days." Kate said.

"I saw you yesterday. You just didn't see me. You were busy doing whatever it is the two of you are doing. What are you doing?" Jack asked, looking at the pile of seashells the two had accumulated.

"People are bored. I thought maybe if we got enough of these collected we could I don't know make stuff out of them. Give them something to do." Kate said.

"Good idea." Jack said as he continued to look her over, the concern in his eyes evident.

"What?" She asked.

"Are you feeling okay Kate? You're looking a little flushed." He asked as his hand gently brushed over the side of her face.

"I tend to have that affect on women." Sawyer answered.

"Shut up Sawyer." Jack stated flatly.

He continued to look at her, her face was warm to his touch. She had a slight fever.

"Well Kate?" Jack insisted.

"I'm fine. I've just been in the sun too long." She lied.

"Yeah, well how about you come with me anyway and let me check you out." Jack suggested.

"No. That's not necessary." Kate resisted.

"Kate." Jack started to insist, but was interrupted by Sawyer.

"Can't you take a hint? She doesn't want to go play doctor with you." Sawyer said.

Jack started to walk away, but he knew something was wrong. He could feel it and he knew he had to stand firm with her for her own good.

"Kate, it's hot out today. How about you take that shirt off?" Jack said.

"Excuse me?" Kate said as though she were shocked by his suggestion.

"You heard me. Take your shirt off. I know you've got a tank top on underneath so stop acting like I'm suggesting something perverted. Take it off, cool down." Jack insisted.

"I don't want to take my shirt off Jack!" Kate snapped at him.

He knew now that something was definitely not right.

"Take it off Kate, or I will." Jack said sternly. She knew that tone and knew that he would do exactly what he said he'd do.

"What the hell is your problem Doc?" Sawyer asked as he grabbed Jack by the shoulder.

"Sawyer, I'm only going to say this one more time. Shut up. This doesn't concern you." Jack ordered as he shook him off.

Sawyer too recognized the tone and while he wasn't afraid of Jack, he didn't want to go to blows with him either over something that he sensed was most likely in Kate's best interest, based on Jack's behavior so he backed off and let Jack continue to badger her.

"Jack, I…." Kate stammered, realizing she was cornered.

"What's the big deal Freckles?" Sawyer asked.

"It's not a big deal. I just don't appreciate being told what to do." Kate lied.

"Doc here is worked up over whatever must be under your shirt and come to think of it, I haven't seen you without that shirt for a few days. Seems to me, whatever you're covering up must be a big deal." Sawyer prodded.

"Stay out of this Sawyer!" Kate yelled.

Jack approached her and reached out for her shirt. She looked at him angrily and pushed his hands away.

"Okay! I'll do it! Just give me some space." She agreed and began unbuttoning her shirt.

She unbuttoned her shirt and opened it up quickly to show both men the black tank top she had on underneath and closed it quickly. Not quick enough though. Jack noticed the deep red coloring on the left side of her chest.

"Take it all the way off Kate." Jack insisted.

Kate finally gave in and let the long sleeved shirt slip off her shoulders and let it drop to the ground. She stood in front of Jack and Sawyer looking irritated with both of them. Jack studied her shoulders, chest and arms. She wasn't wearing a bra and her left breast was slightly larger than the right one. That concerned him, but the fierce redness extending from the top left and left side of her tank top scared him. He reached for the top of her tank top only to have Sawyer jerk his hand away angrily.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You just going to help yourself?" Sawyer protested.

Jack shook him off again and swung around ready to hit him stopped only by the obvious concern for Kate in Sawyers' eyes.

"Sawyer, look at her chest. Surely that doesn't look normal to even you!" Jack yelled.

Sawyer studied her just as Jack had and realized Jack was right. Something wasn't right, but that didn't help the fact that Sawyer wasn't comfortable with Jack looking at or touching Kate's breast and especially not in front of him.

"Okay, it looks bad, but do you really think you're the best person to be groping at her in such a sensitive area?" Sawyer objected.

"I'm sorry, was I absent the day another doctor showed up on this island? Grow up Sawyer!" Jack told him.

"Stop it! He's right Sawyer, he needs to look at it. I'm not feeling too great Jack." Kate admitted.

"I can see that. What happened?" Jack asked.

"About 4 days ago I was picking fruit in a tree. I slipped and something in the tree branch caught me right under my left breast and kind of tore into it all the way to top." Kate admitted, obviously uncomfortable discussing the injury with the two men.

Both men grimaced when she described what had happened and Jack was immediately concerned about what could have been on the branch. Was he dealing with more than just an infected wound? Realizing the sensitivity of the situation he picked up her shirt and gently placed it over her shoulders. He was in full blown doctor mode and she was his patient, a special patient, but still his patient. He kept his hands gently on her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"It's going to be okay Kate. Let's go to the hatch and get you fixed up." Jack said getting a nod from her.

"Sawyer would you go and find Sun and ask her if she can come help me out with this?" Jack asked.

"Sure, anything else?" Sawyer asked his tone suggesting that he was as worried about her as Jack was.

"No." Jack answered and then added, "She's going to be okay Sawyer."

With that he and Kate began the trek up the path to the hatch. Kate was silent the entire way, not because she was dreading exposing her breast to Jack, but because she didn't just let him take care of it when it happened. It was a stupid thing to do, regardless of how she feels about him.

They entered the hatch and Jack escorted her back to the room where they had both taken care of Sawyer. He walked to the end of the room, opened a drawer and pulled out a clean white pillow case. He walked over to Kate and handed her the pillow case.

"Take everything from the waist up off and use that to cover yourself. I'm going to go wash my hands. Don't worry. I'll make sure nobody comes in that you don't want in here." He reassured her.

She took the pillowcase from him and looked up at him. "Vertically or horizontally?" Kate asked.

"What?" He asked confused by the question.

"The pillowcase. Should I cover myself with it sideways or long ways? Do you have another one I can put over my head?" She joked making him smile.

"Whichever makes you feel the most comfortable and try to relax, it's going to be okay." He said.

He left the room, closing the door behind him. He spoke briefly to Locke about what was going on and Locke assured him he would keep everyone but Sun out. He went to the bathroom and washed his hands and tried to prepare himself for what he was going to see and hoped she hadn't let it go too far. What was he going to do? Cut off her breast to save her? "Yeah Jack, that'll work." He mumbled sarcastically to himself.

He made his way back to the room where Kate was and knocked on the door. "Can I come in?" He asked.

He listened for her reply and slowly opened the door. He entered the room fully and closed the door behind him and locked it. Kate was lying on the bed wearing nothing but her jeans and had the pillow case draped over the top of her. He could tell she was uneasy.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to wait for Sun before I take a look?" He asked.

"No, it's okay. Do your thing doctor." She said and sighed heavily.

He sat on the side of the bed and gently moved the pillow case over to the right until Kate's entire left side was exposed to him. What he saw disturbed him. Her breast was red and swollen and a deep, angry looking scratch ran from the underside of her breast, over the nipple and halfway up. Where the scratch started on the underside was a deeper looking wound that was almost purple and very swollen. He could tell that was the source of whatever was causing the problem and knew he was going to have open it up and drain the infection out of it. He also knew it wasn't going to be pleasant and decided to wait on Sun before he proceeded. He gently pressed on the extended red areas to test for swelling. The area around her breast was beginning swell and was sensitive to his touch as indicated by the face she made when he pressed on the area.

"Sorry. Can you put your arm up over your head for me?" He asked as he gently lifted her left arm and pushed it back in the direction he wanted her to take it.

He examined the area under her arm and to the side of her breast. It too was beginning to swell and was sensitive to the touch. He looked her in the eyes and gently pressed on the area he knew he was going to have to open up. She screamed out in pain. He gave her an apologetic look and pulled the pillow case back over her and sighed heavily.

"It's bad isn't it?" Kate asked.

He wanted to scold her and tell her that it's only bad because she didn't come to him when it first happened, but he could see she was embarrassed, afraid and hurting and all he wanted to do was try to reassure her.

"It's not good Kate, but I think I got to it in time. What I'm going to have to do is going to cause you quite a bit of pain." He said with kind, apologetic eyes.

"Don't worry about it Jack. It's my fault for not coming to you when it happened so I deserve whatever pain you're going to inflict on me." She said.

"I don't know about that Kate, but I do wish you had come to me four days ago. I understand why you didn't, but it scares me to think about how much longer you would've let this go if I hadn't been tipped off that you were hurt." He said in a concerned tone.

She appreciated his sensitivity. He wasn't always the most sensitive man, but he seemed to be able to recognize when a situation demanded sensitivity and came through.

"So who ratted me out? Was it Claire?" Kate asked.

"It doesn't matter who it was." Jack told her.

"I'm sorry Jack. I know I should've come to you when it first happened." She apologized.

"I understand. It's a little embarrassing for you." He said.

"No, it's not that, not really." She admitted.

"If you weren't embarrassed to let me examine you, then why would you let his go? It has to be painful." He asked, still keeping his voice calm.

"The truth?" She asked.

"Please." He chuckled.

"It's just that you and I, us, the things we do and the feelings we deny. I guess I always imagined or hoped the first time I exposed my breasts to you would be in the heat of passion, not some sterile, clinical situation. I didn't want it to be like this." She admitted taking him completely by surprise.

He was quiet for a moment, his cheeks slightly flushed and his eyes looking down, away from her. He seemed to be replaying the moment over and over in his head. He finally made eye contact with her again.

"This is medical situation to me and nothing more." He told her.

"I know." She sighed.

"But, I'd love a rain check on that heat of passion thing." He said with an ornery grin making her relax and grin back at him.

"Sure, but after this you'll probably be repulsed by my breasts." She answered.

"Trust me Kate. That is highly unlikely." He laughed.

They enjoyed a few moments of silence between them, neither really knowing where to take the conversation since they had just basically made a date for sex sometime in the near future.

"I'm sorry Jack." She said softly.

"Why are you sorry?" He asked.

"For screwing up again, you have enough to deal with without me adding to your stress." She apologized.

He looked at her with his dark eyes, eyes that seemed to look right into her soul. He seemed to be deep in thought, wanting to say something, but not being able to get the words from his brain to his mouth. He finally dropped his eyes from hers and then looked back up at her.

"Don't be sorry Kate. You don't add stress to my life. You keep it interesting." He told her and winked at her making her laugh a little.

He began preparing the area on her breast he was going to cut open. He applied alcohol where he was planning on making his cut. He knew it burned bad enough to make her at least gasp, but she just looked at him, the pain evident in her face. He covered every part of her left side with a clean white cloth except for the area he was going to cut into. He sat back again and looked at her.

"Well, now all we need is Sun." He said.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"It's going to hurt Kate. I need someone here that can focus on you and getting you through it so I can focus on what I'm doing. If we were in a normal environment I'd numb the entire area with a local anesthetic, which wouldn't be pleasant either, but not nearly as unpleasant as this is going to be." He explained.

"Okay, you're starting to freak me out Jack. Just what exactly are you going to do?" She asked.

He gently placed his index finger on the area he had prepared and tried to describe the small, but painful surgical procedure he was about to perform.

"I'm going to make a small cut right here and then another right here. It will look like an "X" with the center being the deepest part of the cut. Then I'm going to squeeze out as much of the infection as I can and cut deeper if I have to. Then I'll dig around and see if there is anything in there and then pack the hole with gauze." He explained.

"I'm getting sick just hearing about it. No stitches?" She asked.

"No, it's going to have to heal from the inside out. I'll remove the packing every day, clean it out and repack it. Eventually, there will be no hole left to pack." He told her.

"I have to endure that every day?" She asked almost whining.

"Yes, every day and you're going to stay right here so I can be sure you aren't out climbing trees and getting the wound infected again." He told her.

"Stay here for how long?" She asked. He could sense the argument getting ready to start.

"I don't know Kate, as long as it takes. Are you going to fight me on this?" He asked.

"Of course I am." She answered and winked at him, making him laugh lightly and shake his head.

They heard a light knock on the door. Jack opened it just enough to poke his head through. Sun was there with Sawyer right behind her. He opened the door to let Sun enter the room and closed the door before Sawyer could open his mouth. Sun looked at Kate and could see that Jack was ready to do whatever had to be done.

"What do you want me to do?" Sun asked.

"I want you to go sit by her head and hold onto her left hand. She needs to keep her arm up like that. Talk to her, do whatever you have to do to try to keep her calm." Jack instructed.

Kate could see he was dreading what he was about to do. He sat down beside Kate and looked over the small tray he had set up beside the bed, taking a mental inventory of where everything was. She reached out and touched the top of his left hand. He looked away from the tray and over to her.

"It's okay Jack. Do what you have to do, just make me well. Okay?" She said.

He nodded at her as he placed her hand on the lower part of his left thigh.

"You squeeze as hard as you need to and I'll do my best to get through this as quickly as possible." He told her.

She nodded at him and watched him closely as he picked up a small blade from the tray and sterilized it. He moved over her and brought the blade to the affected area. He looked up. She was watching him closely.

"Close your eyes." He told her.

As soon as her eyes closed he brought the blade down and made the first cut. She cried out in pain and squeezed his leg so hard he was sure her handprint would be tattooed on his leg for at least a week. He shut her cries out and made the next cut, barely conscious of the vice grip like hold she had on his leg. He had to shut her out completely or he wouldn't be able to finish. He put the blade down and grabbed the clean cloth from the tray to wipe away the blood and pus that was oozing out of the opening he had just created. He began to squeeze and the infection continue to pour out of the hole. Sun had to turn her head away, the sight of the green and yellow ooze making her queasy. He looked up at her briefly.

"You okay?" He asked.

She nodded and he focused again on the opening. He squeezed harder, making Kate scream, squeeze his leg even harder and begin to fight against him. He moved himself up onto the bed straddling her. He lowered a portion of his weight onto her lower body to keep her still, while still allowing her to hang onto to his leg. The wound continued to ooze infection. He picked up the blade again and cut deeper, making her scream louder, so loud he could no longer tune it out.

Sawyer and Locke could hear Kate's cries from the other side of the door. Sawyer was pacing back and forth and the last cry sent him toward the door.

"It won't do any good. It's locked." Locke told him.

"What the hell is he doing to her!" Sawyer yelled.

"Probably whatever he has to in order to help her." Locke said calmly.

"Does he have to be so cruel about it? Listen to her. It sounds like he's killing her." Sawyer complained.

"If it's this hard on you from this side of the door try to imagine what it's like for him. It's no secret how he feels about her. Surely even you've noticed." Locke reasoned.

"Noticed what? How her world glows about 3 shades brighter every time he talks to her. How he loses the ability to form complete sentences or make a rational decision where she's concerned? Heck, a person would have to be blind not to notice." Sawyer commented.

"But you aren't about to give up the fight are you?" Locke asked.

"Nah, it's not like that. I know where Freckles' heart lies, but its fun to irritate him. He's such an easy target and all." Sawyer lied as another cry echoed from the other room.

Kate's screams were getting to Jack. He had to stop for a moment and refocus. He pushed the blade in a little bit deeper, releasing a blob of blood and pus with so much force it shot onto the front of his shirt. He had found the source of the infection and released the pressure. It was too deep to have been caused by the initial scrape so he began to dig around for the foreign object causing the problem. He continued to squeeze against her screams and her body jerking violently underneath him. He wiped the area clean one more time and then he saw it. A thick black splinter or piece of bark about ½-inch long embedded in the tender breast tissue. He grabbed the tweezers off the tray, fished around for a moment and pulled them away releasing a new river of pus from the new hole opened up by pulling out the piece of wood. He set the tweezers and the offending object on the tray and continued to work on getting the infection drained out of her. Removing the piece of wood seemed to be the answer as his final squeeze produced nothing but blood. He stopped for a moment and cleaned the wound thoroughly. He wanted to look at Kate and apologize for hurting her but he had to stay focused. He began packing the wound he had created with gauze.

Kate had stopped fighting him and the grip she had on his leg wasn't nearly as intense. With the wound packed as tight as he could get it, he cut the gauze leaving just enough sticking out so that he could pull it out later. He was finished. He sat back on his heels and looked at Kate. Her face was tear-streaked and her eyes were shut. She was whimpering and shaking. He pulled her hand off his leg and moved off of her. He found a clean white t-shirt in the pile of clothes in one of the drawers and brought it over to the bed. He pushed the tray and the mess that went with it away from the bed. He bent over and looked at Sun who with her eyes closed was still holding tightly to Kate's hand.

"Sun, are you still with me?" He asked.

She nodded as a tear escaped down her cheek. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder and she looked at him. She could see he was upset and obviously out of doctor mode and back into Jack mode, the Jack who cared more for Kate than he would ever admit to anyone.

"Help me put this shirt on her and we'll be done." He told her.

She switched places with Jack. He held her from behind while Sun maneuvered the t-shirt over her head, carefully putting each arm through the holes. Kate was still shaking and whimpering and the longer it went on the more upset he became. When Sun finished getting the shirt on her, Jack scooted himself away from her and let her head come to rest gently on the pillow. He grabbed a clean cloth and handed it to Sun.

"Will you please get that wet for me and get me one of those sedatives from the medicine supplies?" He asked.

She nodded and hurried out of the room. Locke looked up when he heard the door open. He started to speak, but could see that Sun was in a hurry to get whatever it was Jack needed. He watched her come back through with a glass of water and a wet rag and realized that Jack was done with the painful part and would now start on the healing part. He'd watched the doctor go through the same routine with so many others, including himself and wondered if the man had a breaking point, but he knew the answer to that. Losing Kate was the one thing that would break him. Locke shook his head and said a quick prayer that she would be okay, not only for her sake, but all their sakes.

Sun handed the sedative and the water to Jack. He helped Kate sit up and handed her the pill. She didn't question him. She put the pill in her mouth, drank some water and he helped her lay back down, wincing against the pain in her chest. The whimpering and shaking was starting to subside. Jack gently moved the cool cloth over her face. He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry Kate. I had to get all of it. It's over now. Try to sleep now." He said softly.

Sawyer was watching from the door. Sun walked by and he tried to stop her, but she was feeling sick and rushed by him. He watched her head into the hatch bathroom and turned back to watch Jack attempting to soothe Kate. The sedative took affect and she finally settled down and drifted off to sleep. Jack relaxed back into his chair, cupping his hands over his face before running them through over his cropped hair.

"She gonna make it?" Sawyer asked startling him.

Jack stood, approached him and led him out of the room and closed the door behind them. They walked over to where Locke sat. He started to speak when he noticed Sun coming out of the bathroom, obviously having just gotten sick. She walked toward them and didn't look all that stable. Jack put his hands gently on her arms and she looked up at him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you help me with that in your condition. You should go lie down on the couch. It's nice and cool in there." Jack told her.

"It's okay Jack. I wanted to help. I'm fine." She told him and began to walk away.

She was light-headed and stumbled. Sawyer grabbed her and kept her from falling.

"Yeah, you're great. Maybe you should take the doc's advice and go lie down." Sawyer told her and led her into the room with the couch.

Sawyer reentered the room and walked back over to where Jack and Locke stood.

"Is she okay?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I guess. She's layin down, just like the doctor ordered." Sawyer said.

"Thanks." Jack said.

"No problem. Now back to Kate. Is she okay?" Sawyer asked.

"She should be fine in a few days." Jack told both of them.

"That's good news." Locke offered.

"Yeah, she's lucky. Another day or two and…." He said before turning around and kicking the small metal trash receptacle across the room, making both men jump.

"Feel better doc?" Sawyer asked.

"Not really. A splinter, it started out as nothing more than a goddamn splinter!" Jack yelled.

"Take it easy Jack. You just said she was going to be okay." Locke said as he tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Jack quickly shrugged him off.

"How many times do I have to emphasize how important it is to not let one little scratch or scrape go unattended? Do you see now that I'm not just being the anal, sterile doctor but that we are living in less than favorable conditions here?" Jack asked, obviously shaken by the ordeal with Kate.

"Hell doc, I've been stabbed and shot and you brought me back from the dead both times. I guess people think you can fix anything." Sawyer offered.

"Yeah, well that's stupid, not to mention suicidal. Not everybody on this island is as strong and healthy as you are and most wouldn't have survived either of those wounds. It would be great if I didn't have to keep watching my friends die or keep bringing my friends back from the brink of death. I'm tired. I can't do it anymore." Jack said and walked back toward the room Kate was in.

"Did you just call me your friend?" Sawyer asked sarcastically making Jack stop and turn around to look at him.

"Yeah I guess I did." Jack answered.

He didn't give Sawyer a chance to respond. He entered the room and closed the door. Locke shook his head.

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking how close he is to snapping and how a friend would step in and find a way to make him relax." Locke commented.

"So what am I supposed to do? Take him fishing?" Sawyer remarked.

"That's up to you, but like you said, he's saved your life twice, maybe its time to return the favor." Locke pushed.

"Save your advice for young Luke in there Obi Won, I ain't interested in being pals with the doc. I gotta go. This place still creeps me out." Sawyer complained and left.

Jack sat and watched Kate sleep. After an hour or so, he nodded off. The hand on his shoulder caused him to jerk his head up and around quickly.

"Easy doc, you're gonna give yourself a whiplash." Sawyer said.

"What do you want Sawyer?" He asked in an aggravated tone.

"Everybody's all worked up over you so let's get out of here." Sawyer said obviously uncomfortable with the idea.

"I'm fine and I'm not leaving Kate." He argued.

"How'd I know you were going to say that?" Sawyer sighed rolling his eyes.

Jack didn't respond. He put his head down and rubbed at his temples.

"How long you figure she'll be out?" Sawyer asked.

"I don't know, probably the rest of the day and with the help of another sedative, the rest of the night." Jack answered.

"See, she ain't gonna know whether or not you're here holding her hand, expressing your undying love for her so let's go." Sawyer pleaded.

"Why do you do that?" Jack snapped.

"Why do you do that?" Sawyer snapped back.

"Do what?" Jack asked angrily.

"Beat yourself up over everything and everyone and make yourself sick with worry and never take care of yourself by just relaxing when there is no reason you can't?" Sawyer asked in an accusatory tone.

"Because I can't." Jack answered.

"Can't or won't?" Sawyer asked.

"No Sawyer, I can't! Okay!" Jack yelled making Kate stir.

"Why can't you? Is the sun not going to rise tomorrow if the Mighty Jack takes a night off?" Sawyer asked.

"Shut up. Look, I don't want to fight with you. I just want to be left alone. Could you please just go?" Jack said.

"Can't do it doc. The way I see it, I'm due for another accident of some sort and well, I'm screwed if you've keeled over dead because you wouldn't take a break from being everybody's savior." Sawyer told him.

Jack jumped up from his chair, grabbed Sawyer by the front of the shirt and pushed him up against the wall.

"Savior? Is that you think? You think Boone and Shannon and Libby and Ana Lucia consider me their savior?" Jack seethed through clenched teeth, his eyes crazed with anger.

"Of course, I should've known them dyin was your fault. Hell doc, how about we just blame the whole damn plane crash on you." Sawyer replied.

"It must be nice to be you Sawyer, never giving a damn about anyone but yourself, never caring who lives or dies on this island as long as you're the first in line to rummage through their stuff." Jack accused.

"Yeah, that's right Jack, I don't care. That's why I'm here." Sawyer shot back.

Jack loosened his grip on him and slowly backed away.

"Look Sawyer, I appreciate the gesture, really, but I'm fine. Please, just leave me alone." Jack said quietly.

"Doc, if I walk out of here without you I'm going to catch hell from baldy and the tribe of volunteers who have lined up to take your place beside Freckles for awhile. So, just give it up and come with me." Sawyer explained.

"I can't." Jack said.

"Why can't you? Give me one good reason why you can't and I'll leave." Sawyer pushed,

"Every time I let myself relax, even just a little, something bad happens. I can't bury another friend. It's insane." He admitted.

"It seems to me the odds should be in your favor that nothing bad will happen this time and hell doc, if you don't take a break the next friend we'll be burying will be you." Sawyer said.

"Would that really be so terrible?" Jack asked.

"I guess that depends on how you feel about spending the afterlife knowing I'm here with Freckles and you ain't." Sawyer remarked making Jack laugh.


	2. Chapter 2

Kate began to stir, she started to sit up, but the pain on the left side of her chest made her reconsider and she stayed down. She was so tired and wanted to just continue to sleep, but being Kate she forced her eyes open. Claire was sitting beside her bed reading a book.

"Hey." Kate said softly.

"Hey yourself, how are you feeling?" Claire asked.

"I'm really tired. Where's Jack?" Kate asked.

"He had to step out for a minute, but he said I should give you this pill if you wake up." Claire lied, deciding it was best not to let Kate know they had dragged Jack away against his will about 4 hours ago in an attempt to save his sanity.

"He's coming back?" Kate asked.

"Wild horses couldn't keep him away." Claire assured her.

Kate started to turn on her side and winced against the pain. Frustrated she stayed put.

"Jack said if he got all of the infection, the pain should lessen quite a bit by tomorrow." Claire told her.

"If he got it all? He better have because he's out of his mind if he thinks he's going to do that to me again." Kate said.

"I doubt he would be looking forward to it either." Claire told her.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Claire." Kate said.

"For what?" She asked.

"For telling Jack something was wrong with me. I can be really stupid sometimes." Kate admitted.

"Not stupid, just stubborn and how'd you know it was me?" Claire asked.

"I saw you watching me yesterday. I figured I was busted." Kate told her.

"Poor Jack. It can't be any easier for him to have to treat all of us than it is for us to go to him when we need medical attention. I bet there are days he wishes he'd gone to law school instead." Claire remarked.

Kate laughed lightly at the idea of Jack the lawyer and attempted to sit up again.

"Whoa, where are you going? Jack says you have to stay in bed." Claire protested.

"I have to go to the bathroom so unless Jack left a bed pan you're going to have to help me up." Kate told her.

Claire helped Kate sit up and then get to her feet. She walked along side her to the bathroom, let her have some privacy and then walked back with her to the bed. She lay back down and grunted against the pain.

"Take this pill and go back to sleep Kate. You'll feel better in the morning." Claire told her.

Kate didn't argue. She sat up enough to take the pill and swallow some water and lay back down. She was asleep again within minutes.

Meanwhile, on a secluded area of the beach Jack and Sawyer have built and small fire and are getting ready to cook the fish Jin gave them for their evening away from island life. Rose also packed them some fruit and some water bottles. Jack watched Sawyer pulling the prepared food out of a backpack.

"So I guess this was a group conspiracy?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean?" Sawyer asked.

"The group in the hatch, the filleted fish, the carefully packed meal in the backpack, it's all part of the plan to keep me from snapping?" He asked.

"Boggles the mind doesn't it? Seein' how you're responsible for every bad thing that happens around here, I can't imagine why they care can you?" Sawyer responded with his usual sarcasm.

Jack laughed him off and dropped himself into the sand a few feet away from the fire.

"So what now?" Jack asked.

"Look doc, this ain't no picnic for me either." Sawyer said.

"So why are you doing it?" Jack asked.

"Because Freckles can't live without you." Sawyer answered.

Jack nodded his head, realizing that was about all he'd get out of Sawyer. He was holding a stick in his hand, drawing pictures in the sand, deep in thought. Sawyer watched him for a few minutes and sighed heavily.

"You always this boring?" Sawyer asked.

"Did you say something?" Jack asked.

"I asked what you do for fun. You do know what fun is don't you?" Sawyer asked.

"Back in the real world I didn't have much time for fun and well I guess the same could be said for this place." Jack answered.

"I just don't get it." Sawyer complained.

"Get what?" Jack asked.

"What Freckles sees in you. I mean, you're a nice guy I guess, but hell doc you're so serious and wound so tight you probably wouldn't notice if she walked up to you butt naked and sat in your lap." Sawyer remarked.

"What? Am I supposed to react to that? Get up and punch you?" Jack asked.

"Jesus, react to something." Sawyer sighed.

"Sawyer, I don't know what you expected when you dragged me out here, but we aren't going to talk about Kate, not tonight, not ever." Jack said, his voice rising in anger.

"Take it easy doc. You're supposed to be relaxing, remember. How about a little of this? Would that help?" Sawyer asked holding up a marijuana cigarette.

"Is that what I think it is?" Jack asked.

"What? Am I breaking the law? We're on an island. There aren't any laws and don't give me any bullshit about how you've never smoked pot." Sawyer said as he lit the joint.

"Where'd you get that?" Jack asked.

"Found somebody's stash in the luggage. Sun has her plants and I have mine." Sawyer answered with a snarky grin and handed the joint to Jack.

Jack waved it off, making Sawyer sigh, roll his eyes and take a long drag off of the joint, taking it deep into his lungs before coughing and releasing the smoke. He handed it to Jack again and to his surprise Jack took it from him and took a big hit from it, holding it in as long as possible and then releasing the smoke.

"Had to make sure you weren't trying to poison me." Jack told him and handed it back to him.

"Well, I'll be damned. Hell doc, keep it. Enjoy it. There's plenty more where that came from." Sawyer said.

Jack kept the cigarette, took a couple more hits off of it and put it out. Now all he needed was some alcohol to wash it down and he figured he'd be asleep in an hour and done with this little male bonding session they'd sent him on.

"Got anything to wash that down with?" Jack asked.

"Sure, but don't you think you should eat something? I doubt your body has been abused to this extent in a long……….well, knowing you ever." Sawyer said.

"You think you've got me all figured out don't you?" Jack asked.

"You're assuming I'm interested in figuring you out." Sawyer said.

"I'm not hungry Sawyer. I just want to wash that down and go to sleep. We can call it night and stop this." Jack said.

"Stop what?" Sawyer asked.

"This buddies by the campfire midnight confessions thing. Get Jack to talk about what's on his mind and he'll feel better." Jack complained.

"Has anyone ever told you you're an asshole?" Sawyer asked.

"You'd know I guess." Jack replied.

"You married Jack? Got kids back in the real world?" Sawyer asked.

"Divorced and no." Jack answered.

"Divorced? That's interesting. What woman that managed to snag the fairy tale was actually dumb enough to let it go?" Sawyer laughed.

"Fairy tale?" Jack asked.

"You know, prince charming doctor, 2-story house, white picket fence, 2.6 kids." Sawyer said.

"No kids, no fence, it was a condo and princes only exists in fairy tales. I guess women looking for that probably deserve the disappointment that comes with realizing their toad really was just a toad after all." Jack said, the pain and anger showing in his eyes.

"Well, well. I guess you really do need that drink." Sawyer said and handed him a small bottle of Tequila.

Jack opened the bottle and took a drink.

"What about you? Do you have a wife and kids in the real world?" Jack asked.

"That's pretty funny doc. Women only serve one purpose in my world." Sawyer answered.

Jack looked at him, disgusted by the cheap way Sawyer always talked about women. Sawyer recognized the look.

"Don't look at me like that. Some women don't deserve to be treated any better than that." Sawyer told him, his tone edgy.

"What about Kate? Does she deserve better than that?" Jack asked as he finished off the bottle of Tequila, the affects of the marijuana and the liquor starting to relax him.

"I'd answer that, but we ain't talkin' about Kate tonight or ever. Remember." Sawyer answered.

"You got me there." Jack said and shrugged.

"You ever just go out and get laid or are you one of those sissy guys that needs to be in love in order to get it up?" Sawyer taunted.

Jack began laughing and continued to laugh as he put his backpack under his head, stretched out and laid down on the sand.

"Something funny?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, you and your impression of me." Jack laughed and clasped his hands behind his head, looking up at the darkening sky.

"You got your impression of me and I got mine of you. Seein how neither one of us ever gives anything up, that's all we're ever gonna have." Sawyer remarked.

"Am I supposed to share my secrets with you so you can blab them to everyone the next time you get mad at me or hell, just because you're in the mood to piss me off. You never seem to need a reason to act like an ass." Jack scoffed.

"I ain't told nobody about you and your daddy." Sawyer said.

Jack was quiet for a moment, considering Sawyer's last comment. Sawyer had never brought that subject up to him again and as far as he knew he never shared the information with anyone else. He never knew what to expect from Sawyer though and wasn't willing to put himself out there just to have it thrown back in his face or used against him later. He decided he'd let Sawyer know why he found his earlier comment so funny, just to test the waters and to hopefully make Sawyer feel like he'd done his job for the night and leave him alone.

"No you haven't told anyone and I appreciate that. I'll tell you what Sawyer, I'll give you one thing if you promise to shut up and let me go to sleep." Jack offered, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Do I have to keep it to myself?" Sawyer teased.

"I'd prefer you did." Jack answered shooting him a glassy-eyed look.

"I'm guessing you won't remember telling me anyway, so go ahead doc, impress me with one of your wild tales." Sawyer said as he too laid back.

"I don't know how wild it is, but it should dispel your sissy guy theory about me." Jack offered.

"What? Saint Jack has sex just to have sex?" Sawyer ridiculed.

"Do you want to know or not?" Jack asked, getting aggravated with the redneck's nonstop sarcasm.

"Yes, yes. I'm dying here, can't you see that?" Sawyer answered.

"There's this woman that lives in the same building I do. She's extremely hot, but also very young, maybe 22 or 23. She used to flirt with me all the time. Get me to come over and help her with something and then throw herself at me. You get the idea. I always just peeled her off of me and moved along because, well just because." Jack told his story, pausing to take a drink from another bottle Sawyer gave to him.

"Must be rough being macho doc. Not making a very convincing argument against the sissy guy theory so far." Sawyer grumbled.

Jack sight heavily at him and finished off the bottle of liquor.

"The night before I'm supposed to leave for Sydney I have this argument with my mom. I stop at a bar on the way home to have a drink with an old friend of mine and my ex-wife is in this same bar and she's drunk and she's sorry and she wants to start over and it's all just too much. I got so angry and I screamed at her like I've never screamed at anyone in my life and her face, her face was so sad and she didn't deserve that because the marriage falling apart was just as much my fault, maybe more. I start hugging her and apologizing and before I know it I'm at her place and she's still drunk and she's seducing me and I'm letting her and we get to that moment and I can't. Not can't as in too noble to go through with it, but can't as in I literally can't. I don't know why, but it just wasn't happening so I left. Just left her there wondering why I suddenly pulled back. I get to my building and I'm still a little shook up over all of it, not just that I had suddenly become impotent, but also the whole scene with my ex-wife and my mom earlier and facing this trip to find my father."

He pauses, deep in thought for a moment and then continues.

"This girl, her name is Kasey I think, is perched in her usual spot, waiting to pounce. She gets on the elevator with me and is putting her hands all over me and something just snapped and I start kissing her and whatever wasn't functioning earlier is back in full force so I took her to my place and gave her what she'd been begging to get for months over and over and over, entirely too rough at times, until the sun came up. Then I take a shower, pack my bags for Sydney and wake her up. I tell her that the sex was great, but that I'm not interested in pursuing anything more and to lock up when she leaves." Jack finished his story and closed his eyes.

Sawyer waited for a few minutes to see if there was more and finally spoke.

"That's it? You slept with some girl in your building?" Sawyer asked.

"No Sawyer, I took some girl to my bedroom and fucked her brains out with absolutely no regard for her feelings, physically or emotionally and maybe that's normal behavior for you, but I don't treat women that way. Even the occasional one night stand always got breakfast the next morning. So as you can see I was losing it long before I got stranded on this god forsaken island and sending me out on camping trips with my new best friend isn't going to fix anything." Jack explained, his voice weary.

Sawyer looked at him for a moment and finally spoke.

"Sounds like a man finding a healthy release from a whole lot of stress in his life, not like a man that is losing it. Doesn't make you bad Jack, just human and like I said, some women don't deserve to be treated any better than that. Difference between you and me is those kind of women are the exception for you instead of the rule. Goodnight doc." Sawyer said, not giving Jack a chance to rebut.

"Goodnight Sawyer." Jack mumbled and drifted off to sleep.

Jack woke the next morning with a stiff neck, but otherwise rested. He had a blanket over him that he didn't remember having when he went to sleep. He sat up and looked around. The fire was out and Sawyer was gone. He sat quietly, remembering the fireside chat he had with Sawyer and laughed at how ridiculous that sounded.

"Spilled my guts to Sawyer, must've been some good pot." Jack mumbled to himself as he pulled himself to his feet.

She was awake by the time he got to the hatch. He entered the room and sat down beside her bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Not too bad. Looking kind of rough there Jack. Did you just wake up?" Kate asked.

"About 20 minutes ago. I wanted to get in here and check on you." He said.

"You slept on the beach?" Kate asked noticing the sand on his clothes.

"Yeah, me and Sawyer." Jack answered.

"You and Sawyer?" Kate asked.

"It's a long story Kate." He said.

"I've got nothing but time." She smiled.

"


	3. Chapter 3

_She was awake by the time he got to the hatch. He entered the room and sat down beside her bed._

"_How are you feeling?" He asked._

"_Not too bad. Looking kind of rough there Jack. Did you just wake up?" Kate asked._

"_About 20 minutes ago. I wanted to get in here and check on you." He said._

"_You slept on the beach?" Kate asked noticing the sand on his clothes._

"_Yeah, me and Sawyer." Jack answered._

"_You and Sawyer?" Kate asked._

"_It's a long story Kate." He said._

"_I've got nothing but time." She smiled._

"You do huh? Does this mean you're actually going to listen to me and stay in bed?" He asked.

"Maybe, but I don't really feel like getting up yet so I reserve the right to change my mind." She answered making him smile.

He put his hand to her forehead and then the side of her face.

"You've still got a fever. That's probably why you're not feeling quite like yourself yet." He told her.

"But that's going to go away?" She asked.

"I hope so." He answered.

"Jack, what does that mean? You aren't going to have to cut into me again are you?" She asked.

"I hope not. I'll check the wound out later and I'll be able to tell if it's improving." He told her.

He could see the dread in her eyes and wondered if he should've just lied to her.

"Hey, it'll be okay Kate. I'm pretty sure I got it all and I've got antibiotics I can give you if I have to, but I don't think that's going to be necessary. I'll know more when I examine the area." He told her.

"So what are you waiting for?" She asked in an anxious tone.

"I'm dirty, my clothes are dirty, my hands are dirty and I'm still in a fog. Relax Kate and let me wake up and clean up. Okay?" He urged.

"It doesn't hurt as much as it did last night. That's a good sign right?" She asked making him chuckle lightly.

"Yes, that's a good sign now how about some breakfast? If you eat and drink your fever will probably go away." He told her.

She agreed to eat. He exited the room and made his way into the kitchen area to cut up some fruit for her. He heard the shuffling of feet and looked up. Sawyer entered the room. Jack acknowledged him with a quiet nod and went back to work on the fruit.

"Mornin' Cheech." Sawyer called out, the new nickname an obvious reference to the pot they had smoked the night before.

"Cute." Jack replied flatly.

"Not a morning person either huh?" Sawyer remarked.

"Do you need something?" Jack asked.

"I came to see how Freckles is doing." He said.

"She's fine. Go see for yourself." Jack told him and motioned toward the room she was in.

"The hero comes through again." Sawyer said sarcastically.

Jack didn't respond. He continued cutting the fruit into bite-sized pieces.

"Say doc, you wouldn't need any help changing her bandages would you?" Sawyer continued, trying to find anything that would get under Jack's skin.

Jack put the knife down, put both of his hands palm side down on the countertop, supporting most of his weight as he leaned forward slightly and looked toward Sawyer.

"I get it Sawyer. Okay?" He said with no emotion.

"Get what?" Sawyer asked.

"I get you. Any sign of kindness or human behavior has to be immediately trumped by some despicable act so you don't lose your edge. That's fine Sawyer, but don't drag Kate into your game. She deserves better than that from you." Jack told him.

"Shucks doc, does this mean we ain't friends no more?" Sawyer asked.

"Does it matter? I know all I need to know about you Sawyer. The only thing that is important to me." Jack said

"What's that?" Sawyer asked in a hateful tone.

"That if one of our people is in trouble I can count on you to fight for them. The rest is just fluff and unnecessary. You know it and I know it." Jack told him.

Sawyer didn't have a cocky comeback for that. The two men stood and stared one another down for a few seconds. Jack finally looked away and finished cutting the fruit. He held the tray of food and glass of water out to Sawyer.

"Here, take this into Kate and make her eat and drink. I'm going to go check on everyone and hopefully find a chance to clean up and change my clothes. I need someone to stay with her until I get back, make sure she stays in bed." Jack told him.

"Sure thing doc." Sawyer replied, taking the food and water from him and walking away.

Jack grabbed his backpack and exited the hatch. Sawyer walked into the room where Kate was. He sat down beside the bed with the food and water balanced awkwardly in his lap and hands.

"Doc says I'm supposed to make sure you eat and drink." He said.

"Where's Jack? Did he leave?" Kate asked.

Sawyer rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Relax Freckles. Dr. Do-Right is just making his morning island rounds. He said he'd back." He answered.

"So I guess you're stuck babysitting huh?" Kate teased.

"Yeah, that seems to be my job lately." Sawyer commented.

"So that's what you were doing last night? Babysitting Jack? That's very sweet Sawyer." Kate teased.

"That's me. Sweet." Sawyer replied with his typical sarcasm and handed Kate a piece of fruit.

"You and Jack really spent the night together on the beach?" Kate asked.

"Hell Freckles when you say it like that it sounds like me and the doc got a thing for each other." Sawyer complained.

"Maybe you do. Maybe all the anger you two have is just pent up homosexual tendencies trying to find a way out." Kate teased.

"That's just wrong." Sawyer groaned making her laugh and then wince against the pain it caused.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm just really sore." She told him and ate another piece of fruit.

"So what did you and Jack talk about?" Kate asked.

"Nuthin important. What's the big deal? Why are you are so curious about it?" He asked.

"No reason. It would just be kind of nice if you and Jack were friends." Kate told him.

"We ain't never gonna be pals Freckles, but we're friendly enough." He told her.

"Is Jack okay Sawyer? He looked kind of rough this morning." Kate asked.

"You really got it bad for him don't you?" Sawyer asked.

"He's my friend Sawyer. I'm concerned about him." Kate insisted.

"Everybody's worried about poor Jacko. If everyone's so concerned maybe they need to start making time for him instead of the other way around." Sawyer sighed.

"What do you mean?" Kate asked.

"I mean does anyone ever go to Jack when they aren't having a crisis or something? Anyone ever just approach the guy just to chat with him or hang out with him?" Sawyer asked.

"I don't think Jack wants to just hang out." Kate argued.

"That's just dumb Freckles. Even heroes need to be normal once in awhile. Hell, think about the few times he's taken a break from saving the world. Playing golf or kicking my ass in poker. He's almost likeable in those moments." Sawyer remarked.

Kate finished the fruit and the water and continued to talk with Sawyer, but her mind was elsewhere. Was Sawyer right? Were they all so used to running to Jack with every little problem that they had distanced him from their little island family in the process? Jack seemed to prefer to be left alone, didn't he? Her mind became tired quickly. Sawyer could see she was sleepy and stopped talking to her. She was asleep minutes later.

Jack arrived back at the hatch, took a shower, dressed, finally ate something and walked into the room to check on Kate. She was sleeping and Sawyer was sleeping in the chair next to her. He shook him gently until Sawyer looked up at him.

"I can take it from here." Jack told him.

"Of course you can." Sawyer said sleepily and stood up.

"Did she eat?" Jack asked.

"Ate all of it and drank all the water just like you ordered boss." Sawyer said as he headed toward the door.

"Thanks Sawyer." Jack said.

Sawyer was almost out the door, stopped and turned toward Jack.

"Hey Jack." Sawyer said.

Jack turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"Take good care of her." Sawyer said.

Jack looked at him, understanding what he meant, nodded and said, "I will."

Sawyer left the room. Jack got up and closed the door and locked it. She still felt warm to him and even though he didn't want to wake her, he decided he better examine her and make sure things were improving. He sat beside her bed and watched her sleep. Sawyer had just bowed out of the battle for Kate's heart. Jack wasn't sure if such a battle really existed. He was attracted to Kate and he cared very much about her, but pursuing a relationship with her really wasn't something he liked to think too seriously about. Sure the flirting and teasing was fun, but to actually jump in with both feet was something else entirely. The uncertainty of tomorrow kept him from considering what he could enjoy today and certainly from considering anything good or enjoyable beyond today.

She opened her eyes and watched him, so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed she was awake. She finally brushed her hand over his. Startled he looked down and smiled at her.

"Where were you?" She asked.

"I'm not sure." He answered.

"You look a little less messy." She teased.

"I feel a little less messy. Are you ready to let me take a look at that?" He asked.

"Sure." She said.

"Do you want to sit up and we'll just slip off the left side of your shirt?" He asked.

"Whatever is easiest for you Jack, it doesn't matter to me." She told him.

"It would be easier just to lift your shirt up. I'm just trying to make you as comfortable as possible." He told her.

"Just lift it up Jack. They're just breasts. Right?" She said.

"Right." He said and gently pulled the blankets away from her. He reached for the bottom of the t-shirt he and Sun had put on her the day before and looked at her.

"You ready?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm cold now so let's get it over with." She told him.

He carefully the pulled the t-shirt up lifting her to release the material trapped under her back. He wasn't as pleased as he'd hoped to be with what he found. There was still a lot of redness and swelling, but he could see the redness wasn't extending as far as it did yesterday. He had hoped there would be a lot less redness though and worried that there was more infection to be drained. He pressed gently on the outer edges of her breast and she made a face at him, indicating it was still sore to the touch. He moved his hand to the underside of her breast where he'd done the procedure the day before and pressed gently around the edges of the incision. She gasped and pulled back.

"Damn it" He said under his breath.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Kate, I don't think I got all of it yesterday." He told her.

She pushed her shirt down and struggled to sit up, finally getting there and then swinging her legs over the side of the bed.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" He asked as he gently held her arms and looked into her eyes.

He could see the stubborn determination in her green eyes and knew he was in for a battle as she tried to pull away from him.

"Kate. Stop. You can't leave." He said, holding tighter to her.

"I'm not letting you do that to me again Jack. No. It hurts too much. Just let me go and take my chances." She told him.

"Kate listen to me. It won't get better if I don't drain it again. I promise it won't hurt as bad as it did yesterday." He pleaded with her.

She stopped fighting him and looked up at him. A few tears escaped down her cheeks. He wiped them away and pulled her into him, hugging her and letting her cry until she was ready to let go.

"I'm sorry Kate. I don't want to do this anymore than you want it done to you. I'll make a deal with you. When you get better we'll go golfing and I'll let you beat me again." He said softly knowing the last part would get her attention.

She pulled back slightly and looked at him.

"Let me beat you? You're so full of yourself Jack." She told him, her green eyes full of fire again.

He was still holding onto her and could feel her muscles tensing with the mention of the challenge and it made him chuckle lightly.

"Fine, I won't let you beat me then, but the loser has to do whatever the winner says for the rest of the day." Jack offered.

"Yeah, so why didn't I get that option the last time I beat you fair and square and don't use the 'I had to run and save Sawyer's life' excuse, it's quite boring." She teased making him laugh.

"Okay fine, what do you want for being ahead at the time, but not technically beating me? Just name it and it's yours." He said.

"Anything?" She asked.

"Well, within reason. Obviously I can't buy you a steak dinner." He said.

"A kiss." She said.

"What?" He asked.

"You heard me so get busy." She ordered.

"Kate, don't you think that would be inappropriate under these circumstances." He asked.

"It would be more inappropriate if we wait until you've got my breasts out again Dr. Shepherd." She teased.

"Kate." Jack protested.

"Do you not want to kiss me Jack?" She asked.

"I don't know." He said, his eyes taking on a serious look.

"Okay, boy do I feel stupid. I guess all this time I've just been imagining things. Just forget it Jack. Let's just do this and get it over with." She said as she pulled away from him and lay back down.

He looked down at her. He'd hurt her feelings and that wasn't his intention.

"Imagining what things?" He asked.

"Nothing, it's not important." She sighed.

"If you're wondering whether or not I'm attracted to you the answer is yes I am, very much so." He told her.

"You've got a funny way of showing it." She said.

He leaned in and brushed the hair away from her face, his soft, warm brown eyes looking into hers, melting her. She could see the sincerity of his apology before she ever got a chance to hear it.

"I'm sorry Kate. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You, this, us, it scares the hell out of me." He told her.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because I could fall so hard for you that I might never be able to pick myself up again if things didn't work out." He told her.

She started to speak and he brought his mouth to hers, silencing her with a deep, slow, wet kiss that lingered longer than he had initially planned. He knew that would happen though. He knew how easily he could become intoxicated with her and lose control of all his faculties. He finally pulled away and looked at her, breathless and grateful that she was still too sick for him to take it any further.

"Jack." She said, as breathless as he was.

He put his finger up to his lips to quiet her.

"We'll talk about it later. Let's try to focus on getting you well right now." He told her.

She nodded, understanding that he needed to be able to concentrate on being a doctor right now.

He stood and prepared his tray again like he had the day before. Alcohol, peroxide, clean rags, gauze and razor blade. He saw her eyeing the blade with dread. He sat down, pulled the tray closer to him and lifted her shirt again. He grabbed the piece of gauze that was protruding from the hole he'd created yesterday and without warning gave it a quick yank, making her gasp.

"Sorry." He said and began wiping away the pus that was seeping out of the hole.

He didn't talk. He just began squeezing again, watching the infection ooze out of her, confused by how there could still be so much of it. It was hurting her, but not nearly as much as the day before. He could feel her right hand gripping his forearm tightly every time he squeezed, but she wasn't screaming. He finally stopped squeezing and sighed heavily.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"I don't know. I've obviously missed something. There's got to be something else in there causing all this. I need more light. Don't move. I'll be right back." He told her and got up.

He left the room and came back with a small flashlight. He held the flashlight in his left hand and squeezed with his right and he saw it, the very tip of something black that would show itself while he was squeezing and then disappear when he'd release the pressure. He cleaned the wound with peroxide, got up and grabbed the tweezers, poured some alcohol on them and sat back down. He put the flashlight in his mouth, squeezed with his left hand and held the tweezers with his right hand. The black tip surfaced again and after three unsuccessful attempts he finally managed to get a grip on it with the tweezers and he pulled slowly. Another splinter came out, this one bigger than the one he'd removed yesterday. He cleaned the wound again and pressed on it with his finger tip.

"Does that hurt? Like something is sticking you?" He asked.

"No, it's not nearly as sensitive as it was when you started." She answered.

"Good. Maybe this time we really do have it all. Do me a favor Kate?" He asked.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Get some steel cups for your bra before you go climbing trees again." He said making her laugh.

He repacked the wound with gauze and felt confident this would be the last time as she was already showing signs of the pain alleviating significantly. He put her shirt back down and busied himself around the room cleaning his mess up. He was avoiding sitting down to face her because he knew she was going to want to talk about the kiss and where they were headed and he didn't have any answers for her. He walked to the drawer and pulled out another clean t-shirt and walked back over to her.

"Here, you should probably change your shirt, just to keep things as clean as possible." He told her.

He watched her sit up and with very little pain or effort pull the one shirt off and put the other one on.

"It's really feeling quite a bit better now?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's like all the tightness and soreness is gone." She said.

He felt her forehead and face. It was still a little warm, but expecting that to go away as quickly as the pain had was expecting too much. He knew better, he was just doing whatever he could to avoid the conversation he was about to have with her. She sat on the bed watching him pace around, moving things around and straightening up things that weren't untidy.

"Jack. I'm getting tired watching you." She commented.

"I guess I'm a little antsy. I'm not used to sitting still for this long." He lied.

"You aren't sitting still. Would you please come sit down and talk to me." She asked and patted the empty spot on the bed.

"I don't think that's a good idea. How about you lay back down and I'll sit beside the bed." Jack suggested.

"I'm not tired Jack and I want you to come talk to me about why you're so shook up at the moment." She told him.

"Kate. I don't have the answers to the questions you want to ask. I'm sorry, but I don't." He told her, his voice almost pleading with her.

"It's okay Jack. You don't always have to have the answers. I just want you to come over here and sit with me and relax with me. I don't want you to be my doctor or save me from anything or help me with anything. I just want you to come over here and relax and let me be your friend. Okay?" She encouraged.

Jack looked at her, she was so beautiful even with her un-brushed hair and oversized white t-shirt. They'd been through so much together in the 4 months they'd been on the island. She'd been his friend and confidant and he hers. It was Kate, and if he didn't know what he wanted where she was concerned she'd help him figure it out. That's the kind of relationship they had. They tugged and pulled at one another until things were resolved. Sometimes that caused fights and hurt feelings, but it was how they learned to trust one another and it worked for them.

He moved toward her and sat beside her on the bed. He looked at her and smiled before putting his arm around her, pulling her toward him until her head was resting on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." He told her.

"I think it was that magical kiss before you did your thing. Does that technique work on all your patients?" She teased.

"Yeah, but it kind of freaks my male patients out." He teased back.

Kate laughed lightly, melting into the warmth of his body. She looked up at him and his eyes had that same soft, watery look, like she could just fall into them. He brought his mouth to hers again, kissing her softly, sweetly, pulling back a little and then being pulled back in by her. He continued kissing her while he gently laid her back, she on the inside of the bed and he on the outside. He laid her flat on her back and brought his mouth to hers again, his kiss more passionate, but soothing as his tongue gently worked its way into her mouth and her tongue joining his in a sweet, slow hypnotizing rhythm. She could feel his kiss all the way down to her toes. He moved his body closer, almost on top of her, his hand gently massaging her hip and thigh while they continued to kiss one another. She was as intoxicating as he'd imagined she would be and his thoughts were starting to cloud with desire. He pulled out of the kiss and fell back onto the pillow, breathing hard his flesh hot to the touch.

"Kate, we have to go slow." He said.

"Okay." She agreed.

"I want to enjoy you, but not just physically. I want to enjoy and savor all those moments that will eventually lead up to making love to you. I don't just want to jump in. I want to have a beginning and a middle. I know that sounds corny, but I want a whole relationship, not just sex and not just what I want, but what you want. Most of all, I just want you to be honest with me, always, no matter what." He told her.

"I'd like that too Jack and it's not corny. It's incredibly sweet and romantic. But you have to promise me something." She told him.

"What?" He asked.

"You have to promise me that you will take this, us as it comes, one day at time and not worry what is going to happen tomorrow because that's not a good way to live Jack. Whether you are on an island or back in the real world, you have try to live like today is all there is, otherwise you'll waste the moment worrying about things that might never happen." She told him.

"I'll try Kate, but you'll probably have to remind me and often." He said.

Neither spoke or moved for a few minutes.

"I could really go for a nap. Would you be interested in snuggling up with me for awhile?" She asked.

"I'd be interested." He said.

He let her snuggle into the crook of his arm with her head on his chest. He dropped his arm behind her, close enough to hold her, but not tight enough to cause her left side any pain. He watched her drift off too sleep and could feel his heart swelling. He finally closed his eyes and allowed sleep to overtake him.


	4. Chapter 4

After the final medical treatment Jack had performed on Kate's injury she healed quickly. Within 2 days, all of the redness, soreness and swelling were completely gone and the wound was healing nicely. They'd spent a lot of time together in that small room in the hatch and as agreed were moving ahead slowly with their relationship. They made sure they made time to be alone each day, whether it was just to take a walk along the beach or sit by the fire in the evening and talk. The rest of the castaways had noticed they had finally become a couple, leaving some of the survivors feeling jealous and gossipy and some feeling happy and gossipy. Others like Locke, Eko and Sayid weren't all that interested in the island love affairs, but were relieved that Jack had finally seemed to be lightening up and allowing himself to relax.

It had been about 3 weeks since Jack and Kate had their initial encounter in the hatch. They would disappear into her shelter in the evenings and he'd find his way to his own shelter sometime during the night. He found himself sleeping in the hatch less and less. They were moving along, exploring one another both physically and emotionally, content to hold one another and kiss one another for hours taking things just a little bit further each time.

He'd had his hands over every inch of her body and it wasn't that he didn't want her, he wanted her so bad he would have to stop and catch his breath, but he was hesitant to take that final step, afraid of the Pandora's box of emotions it would open up, afraid to open his heart up and love her the way he wanted to. Kate found his fear both endearing and heartbreaking. He could've allowed his primal instincts to take over a long time ago and satisfy the animal hunger that was close to consuming him, but he denied it, kept it bay and refused to confuse lust with love. It saddened her to know that he had been hurt so deeply he kept his heart locked up and had all but thrown away the key. He was one of the kindest, gentlest most caring individuals she had ever known. How could he not allow himself to love again and most importantly allow himself to be loved.

This evening was no different than any other. They shared a meager meal with their fellow castaways and when the sun went down they excused themselves and walked hand in hand toward Kate's shelter. There was always enough light from all the smaller fires to find their way to the shelter and to see one another once they were inside. He sat down on the makeshift bed and pulled her into his lap, straddling him. He kissed her long and deep and finally came up for air.

"I've been waiting all day to do that." He said as he gently moved his fingertips up underneath the hem of her shirt.

Kate wrapped her arms around his head, pulling his face into her bosom and then sliding down until they were face to face. She didn't speak. She brought her mouth to his and swallowed him in a wet, passionate kiss that numbed his senses. His head was swimming with desire and he knew he couldn't fight his need to be with her much longer. He laid her back and moved his hand inside her shirt, his eager, but gentle hand cupping a breast through the material of her bra, wanting to tear it away from her, but instead slipping his fingers inside, grazing the nipple lightly, generating instant hardness that begged to be pinched and sucked and nibbled.

He reached behind and deftly released the clasp that held the bra closed and then he pushed her shirt up and out of his way. He kissed her stomach and kissed his way up and over her breasts, teasing each nipple with his tongue before closing his mouth over it, sucking it gently between his teeth and then releasing it. She could feel him through his jeans, just as she had every night before this, but tonight was different. The hunger and the desire had both of them teetering on the edge. She pulled him back to her and kissed him, her mouth hungry and pleading. He pulled away and dropped his head into the space above her shoulder, his breathing heavy, the heat radiating from his body making her sweat. She rubbed her hand gently over the back of his head, wishing she had the magic words that would make everything okay for him.

"It's okay Jack. If we do this it's going to be okay." She said softly still moving her hand over his head.

He lifted himself a little and looked at her, his breathing still labored, his eyes burning with desire.

"Kate, I want you so bad right now I can't move, but I have to know its right, that we won't just wake up one day and realize we're strangers." He pleaded with her.

"I thought you were going to live in the day Jack. We could both fall off a cliff tomorrow and die. Does anything beyond tonight, right this minute matter?" She asked.

"I'm trying Kate and if I spend tonight making love to you I could care less if I die tomorrow because I'd die a happy, content man, but the odds that either one of us is going to die anytime soon aren't that great and I need to know how you're going to feel about me, us tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that." He told her.

She pulled his face toward hers and kissed him gently.

"I love you Jack and I'm going to love you tomorrow and all the tomorrows after that. I love you for you and I don't want or need you to be anything more than the man I've come to know and have grown to love in the 4 months we've spent together on this island. Are you not that man? Have you not been honest with me? Is this the real Jack Shephard or am I going wake up one day next to a stranger? Because those are the only things that would ever make me stop wanting to be with you." She told him.

He didn't speak. He began moving his mouth down her chest toward her stomach to the waistband of her jeans. He unbuttoned the top button and pulled the zipper down, kissing his way down into the opening he'd just created. He sat up, straddling her, his butt resting on the heels of his shoes.

He thought about speaking, but once he made eye contact with her he knew that no words could express what they were saying to each other with their eyes. He sat up on his knees and pulled his shirt up and off. He pulled her up until she was kneeling in front of him. He reached down and pulled her shirt up and off, tossing it to the same spot his discarded shirt lay. She moved her hands over his chest, her mouth kissing and biting at his neck as she moved down, swirling her tongue over his nipples, making him groan and then stiffen when he felt her hands on the waistband of his jeans, working the button open. He pulled her hands away, lifted them up and wrapped them around the back of his neck. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and then laid her back down, following on top of her, his weight resting on his forearms. He kissed her deeply and then looked into her eyes.

"I love you Kate." He said softly before kissing her one more time.

He began moving his mouth over her body again, teasing and tantalizing every piece of flesh with his tongue. Slow, soft, skillful hands moved over her burning flesh and as he began to give into the needs and desires he'd been denying for weeks, his animalistic side began to take over. He wanted to take his time with her, but he was too worked up and so was she. Resisting the urge to rip her pants off and bury himself inside her, hard and quick, was making him shake, small beads of sweat building on his face.

He continued to move his mouth over her breasts the feeling of her nipples swelling against his tongue being his cue to nibble, suck, and tease with the tip of his tongue until he was satisfied they couldn't get any harder. He slipped his hand inside the front of her pants, slipping his fingers underneath the elastic of her panties. She gasped when she felt his finger slip inside her. He pulled his hand away, repositioned himself on his knees and slowly worked her jeans and panties off of her. He stopped for a moment and took in the view in front of him before removing his shoes and then standing to remove his own pants.

With his jeans out of the way, he put his thumbs inside the waistband of his boxers and looked at her. She was watching him so intently, the dim light from the outside fires catching her eyes perfectly and causing an occasional sparkle. He was positive that no matter what happened down the road with their relationship the way she was looking at him at that moment would forever be burned into his memory.

He lay back down, hovering over her, kissing her with a wet, passionate mouth while he positioned himself between her legs and pushed himself inside of her as deep as he could, pleasantly surprised by the intense level of heat and moisture welcoming every inch of him. He stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes.

"You are so fucking hot and I mean that in the most romantic way possible." He told her, the raw sexual excitement he was experiencing evident in his voice, his body taut and seemingly ready to give her a ride she wouldn't soon forget.

She didn't respond. She clutched his shoulders and pushed her hips up higher, driving him deeper into the slippery pit of erotic bliss causing him to groan with satisfaction as he began moving in and out of her with strong deliberate strokes. His body was lean and muscular and it seemed as though every muscle in his body was flexed as he drove himself inside her. Her orgasm built steadily, him bringing her to the edge and then backing off, teasing her, making her moan and pant and finally grab him by the hips, forcing the contact he was denying and demanding he go harder. He nearly lost control at that moment, his own release close, the need for relief agonizing, but he wanted more, he didn't want this to end. He removed her hands from his hips and repositioned them on his shoulders. He pushed her legs back further, burrowing deeper, his eyes never leaving hers as he quickened his pace, slamming into her, desperately trying to satisfy her hunger as she demanded he go harder. He could feel her clamping around him, her back beginning to arch and her demands quickly turned into "Oh God" being whispered over and over and she felt herself inching closer and closer to the edge. Her release was intense, her body jerking wildly against him, forcing him to pin her hips down so he could stay inside her. He put his mouth over hers to muffle her cries and continued to move in and out of her at a hard, steady pace as she screamed into his mouth.

She began to relax her body, her senses feeling slightly numbed by the orgasm. The hand he was holding her hips down with lightened its grip and moved to the side of her face. He'd already allowed his other arm to fold and relax and dropped most of his weight onto it. He slowed down and began kissing her, every inch of him inside of her, throbbing and on the verge of release, filling her loin with sensual electricity. She felt his weight relaxing into her and thought he was about to finish, but he continued the slow in and out movement as he kissed her, his slow and purposeful contact building into another orgasm for her. He stopped kissing her and raised his head to look at her. Still making love to her and gently caressing the side of her face with one hand he coaxed her in a soft, sweet voice.

"One more time Kate, come for me one more time." He coaxed.

His eyes were soft and continued to watch her while his voice attempted to convince her body to peak and explode again. He smiled with satisfaction as he felt her fingernails digging into the fleshy area behind his shoulders and the orgasm took hold of her. He began to grind into her with more urgency while she came and as soon as he was satisfied she was finished he buried himself as deep as he could and let go, both arms out straight, the muscles bulging and the veins thick and protruding under his skin.

She watched his face. His eyes closed tightly against the pleasure and relief he was experiencing as he emptied his juices into her. He finally relaxed, pulling out of her and falling onto his back beside her. She snuggled up beside him, resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her tightly, their hot, sweaty bodies stuck together, but neither seeming to mind or wanting to move.

"That was incredible Jack." She said softly.

"You're incredible." He replied.

They stayed that way until their sweat covered bodied dried and the cool night air began to chill them. Jack was the first move, reaching for his clothes.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I should get dressed and out of here." He sighed.

"Please don't leave Jack." She told him.

"I'm just trying to preserve your reputation Kate." He teased.

"Yeah, well my reputation, not to mention my self-esteem would take more of beating if I allowed you to have sex with me and then leave." She replied in a serious tone.

He lay back down and pulled her close to him, covering them with a blanket.

"I'm sorry. Of course I want to stay. I thought……well I guess I didn't think." He apologized.

"Apology accepted." She said.

"Goodnight Kate." He said softly, sleep about to overtake him.

"Goodnight Jack." She replied through a yawn.

The next day Sawyer was relaxing in his shelter, watching Kate and two of the other women collecting shells. He'd gotten bored with it so Kate recruited some new help. Locke had taught them how to make glue out of tree sap and they had been making plates and bowls and cups from wood and coconut shells, gluing shells on to make them more durable. They were ugly, but it seemed to keep their minds in a creative mode and kept them from going stir crazy. He saw a shadow and looked up. Claire was standing beside him, holding the baby.

"Are you terribly busy Sawyer?" She asked.

"Of course I am, can't you tell." He answered in his usual snarky tone.

"Um, okay then, never mind." She said and started to walk away.

"I can see sarcasm's wasted on you. Is there something I can do you for Little Mama?" He asked.

"I really hate to bother you, but one side of my shelter is falling in. I tried fixing it myself, but I'm afraid I'm useless when it comes to home repairs." She told him.

"Where's your rock star boyfriend? He useless too?" Sawyer asked.

"Never mind, I'll just wait until John or Jack come back from wherever they are." Claire said and started to walk away.

"Hold up there darlin'. I didn't say I wouldn't come take a look. Geez." Sawyer said as he sighed and groaned and pulled himself to his feet.

"After you." Sawyer said, waiting for Claire to show him the way. She gave him an appreciative nod and began walking toward her shelter.

Jack was walking toward the beach. He spotted Kate in the tide with the two other women and smiled. He glanced over and saw Sawyer walking along side Claire across the beach and wondered if the redneck had found him a new friend. He quickly decided it was none of his business and headed toward the shore where Kate was. He snuck up behind her and put his hands over her eyes.

"Guess who?" He asked.

"Is it my hot Italian lover Lorenzo?" She teased.

"He's dead." Jack said.

"Really? How tragic. What happened?" Kate asked.

"I found out he was messing with my girl." Jack told her.

"So you killed him?" Kate asked, laughing at how matter of factly he'd delivered his last statement.

"Of course." Jack answered and turned her around to face him.

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. He kissed her until he heard someone clearing their throat and pulled back. He had forgotten about the other two women. Kate had that affect on him.

"Sorry ladies. I uh………how's the shell hunting going?" He asked wondering if his face looked as hot as it felt.

"Actually we were just about to call it day." The one woman said.

"Yeah, it's got to be close to dinner time." The other one offered.

With that the two women collected their shells and walked away. Jack, still holding Kate around the waist turned his attention back to her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bust up your shell hunting party." He said.

"I'm glad you did. They've done nothing but whine since we started. It's supposed to be fun." Kate complained.

"Come on, let's go swim for awhile." Jack offered.

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Yeah, it'll be fun." He said.

"You really don't have anything else you need to be doing?" She asked.

"No. I'm all yours for the rest of the day and if you play your cards right, night." He teased and winked at her, pulling his shirt off and running toward the water.

Sawyer was inspecting the broken down shelter Claire and her baby were living in. He'd get the side back up and it would collapse back down on him. Aaron was crying pretty much non-stop at this point and Sawyer's aggravation was growing.

"Can't you stick a cork in him or something?" Sawyer complained.

"I'm sorry. He's hungry." Claire said.

"Well hell, take him down to my shelter and feed him. Please." Sawyer groaned.

"You're sure?" Claire asked.

"Positive. That noise is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard." Sawyer told her.

Claire took the baby and left Sawyer to battle with the shelter. She sat inside Sawyer's shelter feeding Aaron, watching Jack and Kate play in the water. They were laying on the sand letting the water rush in over them. She was on top of him, kissing him, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She pulled out of the kiss and looked up.

"Why do you suppose Claire is sitting in Sawyer's tent?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I saw them walking together earlier. Does she look unhappy?" Jack asked, still lying on his back in the water with Kate on top of him.

"No, she's burping the baby and watching us. She just waved at me." Kate laughed.

"Sawyer's not around?" Jack asked.

"No. I don't see him. It's unlike him to just let people invade his domain." She said.

"Maybe they're getting close." Jack suggested.

"No, Claire and I talk all the time. She would've mentioned that." Kate said.

"Should we go check it out. Make sure everything is okay?" He asked.

"We should, but I'd rather stay here and enjoy you." Kate said.

"Me too, but that whole single-mom all alone on an island thing won't let me so I guess you better let me up." He said.

"I'll come with you." Kate said and pulled herself up off of him.

Jack found his shirt, pulled it over his head and he and Kate walked up the beach toward Claire. By the time they got there, Aaron was full and asleep and she was holding him on her chest, patting his back lightly. Jack and Kate stopped just outside of the shelter. They both squatted down so they could talk to her.

"Is everything okay Claire?" Jack asked.

"Yeah sure, why do ask?" Claire answered.

"Uh because you're sitting in Sawyer's tent and Sawyer doesn't allow people to sit in his tent." Kate said.

"I know, but he said I could. He's trying to fix mine. It keeps falling down on one side." Claire said.

"And he agreed to do that? For free?" Jack asked

"Somethin wrong with a gentleman doing a lady a favor Jackass?" Sawyer asked making Jack and Kate both jump.

"Oh I get it. We're playing a game. You're pretending to be a gentleman so I guess that means I get to be the smart ass redneck. You ready to go Freckles?" Jack asked using the best hick imitation he could muster.

Kate and Claire both laughed.

"Cute doc. I think I liked you better when you were all serious and wound up." Sawyer grumbled.

"So did you get it fixed?" Claire asked.

"Sorry darlin, it's a lost cause. It needs to be rebuilt and if doctor Ha-Ha here will give me a hand I'll haul your stuff down here and you the little noise-maker can stay here." Sawyer offered.

Jack and Kate both looked at Sawyer with shocked faces.

"What? I'm supposed to know a baby has no shelter and sleep? Even I ain't that big of an ass." Sawyer said.

"That okay with you Claire?" Jack asked.

"Um yeah, sure, thank you Sawyer." Claire replied.

"Yeah, anything for points. Right Freckles? You comin doc?" Sawyer grumbled as he began walking back towards Claire's shelter.

Jack stood and pulled Kate up with him.

"This is really none of my business, but it's Claire. I have to talk to him." Jack said.

"Be nice Jack. I'm sure he has no ulterior motive." Kate warned.

"We are talking about the same Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"Just go and be nice." She told him and kissed him.

Jack ran to catch up with Sawyer. Kate made herself comfortable beside Claire.

"He's a completely different man these days." Claire said.

"He's learning to relax, but he's got a ways to go before anyone could accuse him of being laid back." Kate laughed.

"No, he's just very happy now I think." Claire said making Kate blush.

"Where's Charlie Claire? Are you two not getting along these days?" Kate asked.

"Charlie is my friend Kate, but he wants to be more and he needs somebody to take care of and I don't want that. He's having a little trouble dealing with that so he's been staying away from me until it's easier for him." Claire told her.

"And Sawyer? Is he your friend too?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I've never really talked to him that much, but I think I'm one of the few people on the island he's actually nice to, besides you of course. I guess he must have a soft spot for pregnant girls and single mothers." Claire said.

"Sawyer has a lot of soft spots. He just spends too much time trying to cover them up. Scared to death people will like him." Kate said.

Sawyer and Jack busied themselves collecting Claire's belongings and the baby's things. Jack watched him load things into the cradle Locke had made for Aaron and finally spoke.

"Sawyer what are you doing?" Jack asked.

"I'm picking out patterns for the nursery. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" He answered.

"This is Claire, Sawyer. Don't." Jack warned.

"Don't what?" Sawyer asked in an aggravated tone.

"Don't do what you always do." He said.

"Seems to me this would fall under the "none of your business" category doc, so how about you just butt out." Sawyer told him.

"I'm just asking you to just this once be able to do something nice without turning it into something disgusting tomorrow. Claire doesn't need that." Jack reasoned.

"But it's okay to turn it into something disgusting tonight?" Sawyer asked with thick, disrespectful sarcasm.

'Forget it. Why can't you ever……….I'll put it into words you can understand. If you do anything to hurt her I'll fuck you up. Are we clear?" Jack asked angry and frustrated with him.

"You think you could?" Sawyer asked.

Jack got within an inch of Sawyer's face and put a finger in his chest.

"You know I could. Let's just get this stuff and be done." Jack said.

The two men collected everything and headed back toward Sawyer's shelter with it. Sawyer stopped and looked at Jack.

"What?" Jack asked.

"She's not that type of girl?" Sawyer said.

"Who? What type of girl?" Jack asked.

"Claire. She's not the type that deserves to have her brains fucked out and sent packing without breakfast." Sawyer told him and walked away.

Jack stopped and thought for a moment and then shook his head. He understood. Claire was an exception to Sawyer instead what he considers his rule.

"Why does the son-of-a-bitch always have to be so cryptic?" Jack mumbled under his breath and continued following him toward his shelter.


	5. Chapter 5

Jack and Sawyer continued their walk back to Sawyer's shelter in silence. Jack wanted to like Sawyer and trust Sawyer, but Sawyer refused to allow anyone that privilege so Jack had given up on the idea that there was a decent human-being trapped inside all the anger and sarcasm and accepted that behaving like a human-being occasionally was just part of Sawyer's con. That was what he'd decided at one time, but then they'd had their night on the beach and he'd backed off and allowed him to pursue a relationship with Kate and Jack was back to not really knowing what to make of Sawyer. He knew the hillbilly could be instinctively compassionate for others and that those moments were genuine. Jack just wished Sawyer would have more of those moments and fewer moments that repelled people.

"So, why do you suppose she sent the musician packing?" Sawyer asked.

Jack didn't answer, his mind obviously miles away.

"Earth to Jackoff!" Sawyer yelled.

"Did you say something?" Jack asked

"Day dreaming about your girlfriend?" Sawyer asked sarcastically.

"No. Not even close." Jack laughed lightly.

"Care to share what's so amusing?" Sawyer asked.

"No." Jack answered.

"Wish I'd known." Sawyer commented.

"Known what?" Jack asked.

"How good it would be." Sawyer continued on, Jack recognizing the antagonizing tone immediately and stopped, causing Sawyer to stop. There were about 5 feet from Sawyer's shelter.

"How good what would be Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"Freckles." Sawyer answered.

"What?" Jack asked his anger building.

"Hell doc, you've been floating around this island like a teenage boy who just spent a weekend in a whore house. That must be one good piece of ass. Course I always knew it would be." Sawyer said with malice.

Jack could feel the rage building, dropping what he was carrying, his hands turning into fists without thinking. He lunged at Sawyer, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, shoving him backwards to the ground, landing on top of him, sitting up and straddling his torso the advantage all his. He had his arm drawn back ready to crush his jaw with a fist that would be delivered with more force than what Sawyer had experienced at the caves while Jack was still recovering from a separated shoulder. He stopped himself. He looked at Sawyer, shaking his head, trying to understand, his other hand still clutching tightly to the front of Sawyer's shirt.

"What are you waiting for? Do it." Sawyer hissed.

Kate heard the scuffle and ran out to investigate.

"Stop!" Kate yelled.

"Go back inside Kate." Jack told her.

"What are you going to do Jack?" She asked.

"Nothing, just go back inside. Please." He said.

"Jack." She pushed.

"This don't concern you Freckles. Do like your boyfriend says and get back inside." Sawyer told her.

Kate didn't want to leave the two men to fight, but decided that maybe it was best if they got it out of the way once and for all.

"Do you really want to do this Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"Been waitin four months to do this doc." Sawyer growled.

"Why? I punch you, you punch me. We both end up with black eyes, busted mouths and bloody noses and then what?" Jack asked still sitting on him, both hands holding the front of his shirt.

"What makes you think we stop at that? How do you know one of us doesn't end up dead doc?" Sawyer asked, his eyes distant and full of resentment.

"Is that what you want? You want to kill me Sawyer?" Jack asked followed with an incredulous laugh.

"Who said I was talking about you?" Sawyer asked making Jack let go of his shirt.

"Why would you…….do you really think……after all we've…….what is wrong with you?" Jack asked having trouble comprehending why Sawyer would suggest something like that.

"Get off me Jack." Sawyer hissed at him.

"No, we can't keep doing this. You can accept and respect what Kate and I have and not ruin the friendship you have with her or you can keep doing this and force my hand. Do you think she's going to value a friend that talks about her like she's some two dollar whore? It's up to you Sawyer. I'm done playing this game with you." Jack told him.

"You'd really do that wouldn't you? That way you can keep her all to yourself." Sawyer accused.

"No, I'd do it because she's never been anything but a friend to you even when nobody else wanted anything to do with you. She doesn't deserve to be the subject of your tacky comments just because you've got a problem with me. You can call me names and burden me with your sarcasm from now until the end of time, hell I'd probably miss it if you didn't, but I won't let you make Kate part of your game. Do we have a deal?" He told him.

"Fine. Deal. Get off of me." Sawyer agreed.

Jack stood up and put his hand out for Sawyer to grab. Sawyer reluctantly took it and Jack helped pull him up. Sawyer brushed the sand off his clothes and picked up the things he'd been carrying before Jack lunged at him. Jack picked his things up also and handed Sawyer a blanket that had fallen out of the cradle he was carrying.

"You're right Sawyer." Jack said.

"Right about what?" Sawyer asked in an aggravated tone.

"Claire is an exception. Give it a shot, you might find you'll change your mind about what you prefer to consider your rule." Jack offered and walked away before Sawyer could respond with something clever and sarcastic.

Jack confused Sawyer as much as Sawyer confused Jack. No matter what he said or did to Jack, he never turned his back completely on Sawyer or anyone else for that matter. Jack could be in your face one minute, screaming at you like you were the lowest life form known to mankind and the next minute be offering you a hand up or subtly letting you know that he'd trust you to do right by the island's sweet single mother and her baby. Was that Jack's way of telling him that he believes he's capable of honorable intentions, even though he'd threatened him with bodily harm a few minutes earlier? Sawyer had never encountered anyone quite like Jack before. He remembered the conversation with Christian Shephard, the part where Christian suggested that his son might be a "great" man. Sawyer was beginning to think he was right, although he'd walk over hot broken glass dipped in alcohol while holding burning coals in each hand before he'd admit that to anyone, especially Jack.

The two men entered the shelter. Kate looked them both over for any obvious signs of blood or bruising.

"Did you two you boys get things worked out?" Kate asked.

"Ask him?" Jack answered and motioned toward Sawyer.

"Right as rain Freckles." Sawyer responded sarcastically.

Claire stood with the baby to make room for them to bring the crib inside. She stumbled and Jack caught her, steadying her and then gliding her back down slowly.

"Are you okay Claire?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, I just got up too fast I think." She said.

"Are you sure? You look a little flushed." Jack said attempting to put his hand to her face to check her temperature only to have Claire push him away before he made contact.

"I'm fine Jack. Please. I can't stand for people to fuss over me." Claire objected.

"Sorry about that. I fuss sometimes. It's what I do." Jack said and smiled at her.

"That's got to be the understatement of the year." Kate laughed.

"That's just because some people give me greater cause to worry and fuss than others." Jack replied almost sarcastically eyebrows raised.

"Don't listen to him Claire. He's just hopelessly committed to taking care of people and can't stand that I don't want or need to be taken care of." Kate shot back with raised eyebrows.

"Ouch." Sawyer commented with a light chuckle.

Jack thought about getting mad, but she was right, he had the tendency to smother those he cared the most about.

"If I'm that protective of her, imagine what a neurotic piece of work I'd be with one of these." Jack told Claire as he let Aaron hold on to his finger.

"I doubt it. I think you'd make a great dad." Claire told him, the subject suddenly making him uncomfortable.

"I don't know about that." Jack said and stood up.

"There's plenty of daylight left Sawyer. You want me help you find some bamboo for that new shelter you're going build?" Jack asked.

"No thanks doc, I think I can handle it." Sawyer answered.

"Great. I think I'm going to go take a swim, get the sand and sweat off me. You coming Kate?" Jack asked.

"You're okay Claire? You're sure?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine. Go back to what you were doing before I interrupted. It looked like fun." Claire said with a smile, making them blush.

Jack and Kate walked away from Sawyer's shelter and made their way back down to the water to pick up where they had left off. Jack pulled his shirt off and tugged on her, trying to get her to follow him into the water.

"You have to talk to me first." She told him.

"About what?" He asked.

"Why were you and Sawyer fighting?" Kate asked.

"Because sometimes that is the only thing Sawyer responds to Kate and just so you know, we worked it out without any punches being thrown." Jack told her.

"You did that for me?" She asked worried that the two men would continue with their fight another day.

"No, I did it for me. Four months ago I wouldn't have hesitated to beat the shit out of him. I don't feel that way anymore." Jack admitted.

"So, you like Sawyer now?" Kate asked.

"Kate, in case you haven't noticed, Sawyer doesn't want to be liked." Jack said.

"Everybody wants to be liked Jack." She argued.

"I know and I understand what he's doing, but that doesn't make what he does any less infuriating." Jack explained.

"So what's so different now? Why'd you hold back?" Kate asked.

"We've all been through a lot together on this island Kate, its different now. It's insane, but when the chips are down, I trust the guy to come through. That makes me want to try to understand him more than I want to kill him. Barely, but enough to make me hold back." Jack explained, laughing lightly and shaking his head.

"It's not insane. It's one of the reasons why I love you." She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He returned the kiss and then picked her up and carried her into the water with him. Her legs wrapped around his waist and arms around his neck, both just holding on letting the waves splash over them.

Sawyer sat with Claire watching Jack and Kate in water. Jealousy had been consuming him the last few weeks. It wasn't so much that he hated losing Kate to Jack. Kate was his friend and he cared very much for her and would do anything to protect her, but he didn't love Kate, not the way Jack did and she didn't love him, not like she loved Jack and he knew it. For him, the bottom line was that he was jealous of Jack and anything that made Jack happy made him want to ruin that for Jack. But, Jack had the advantage today. He could've landed at least three or four solid, painful and probably damaging punches before Sawyer would've managed to get him off of him, but he held back, the contempt that he at one time felt for Sawyer no longer showing in his eyes, face or actions.

Somewhere along the way the two men had developed an unspoken mutual respect for one another and that respect wouldn't allow Jack to throw that first punch. Sawyer didn't have to wonder if things had been reversed, if he'd been the one with the advantage, if he would've held back, he'd always held back where Jack was concerned because even though he was jealous of him he respected what he was accomplishing day after day in this horrible situation they had all found themselves in. Sawyer never believed he'd ever see the day when he had actually earned the same respect from Jack and it was a little unnerving for him.

"They're so in love." Claire said snapping Sawyer out his thoughts.

"I wouldn't know anything about that so I'll take your word for it." Sawyer commented.

"Yeah, me neither. I thought I was in love with Thomas, but I know now that I was probably just in love with the idea of being in love." Claire told him.

"Thomas? That the rugrat's daddy?" Sawyer asked.

"Yes, he's Aaron's biological father or the sperm donor as I like to call him." Claire answered.

"So where's the one hit wonder?" Sawyer asked.

"Why are you so interested in Charlie, Sawyer?" Claire asked.

"Because I don't want him to think I'm putting the moves on his girl and have to put up with his scrawny ass threatening me." Sawyer told her.

"I'm not his girl." Claire told him.

"Is that so? Does he know that?" Sawyer taunted with a slight chuckle.

"He does and he doesn't like it so he's gone off to learn to deal with it. I'm hoping we'll still be friends though. He's been a good friend to me." Claire told him.

"Seems to me a good friend wouldn't have left a mamma and her baby with no shelter." Sawyer said.

"I don't expect anyone to take care of me. I'll repay you somehow for helping us." Claire told him.

"As intriguing as that sounds darlin, this one is on the house." He told her.

"Why are you helping me Sawyer? We barely know each other." Claire asked.

"I'm doing it for him. The way I see it, it's every grown-up's responsibility to make sure kids are safe. Don't matter whether it's your kid or not." Sawyer told her.

"That's really nice." Claire responded.

"Well I'm a really nice guy sweetheart, but don't let that get out. I have a reputation to keep up." He said.

"Your secret is safe with me." Claire said and smiled at him.

He looked over at her. He wasn't sure what it was about her, but he'd never been able to play his game with her the way he could everyone else. It just didn't seem right to him for some reason. She looked tired and she looked like she was tired of holding the baby.

"You sure you feel okay? Maybe you should've let the doc check you out." Sawyer suggested.

"No, I'm fine. I'm tired is all." Claire told him.

"Hell put him in his bed and take a nap. I've got bamboo to cut." He told her.

"Are you sure you don't mind all of this Sawyer?" She asked.

"Sweetheart, how long we been on this island?" He asked.

"A little over four months." She answered.

"In those four months have you ever known me to do anything that I minded doing?" He asked.

"Okay, I get the point. Thanks again Sawyer." She said and took the baby inside the shelter.

Sawyer watched Jack and Kate for a few minutes longer and left. He suddenly felt like chopping, hacking and whacking on some bamboo.

The sun was setting and everyone was finishing their dinner and preparing to settle and relax for the evening. Kate stopped to check on Claire and Aaron while Jack walked around, talking and checking to see that everyone was accounted for and feeling fine. He found he slept better when he did that. His final stop was Sawyer's shelter to say goodnight to Claire and Aaron. Sawyer wasn't around, but Kate was inside with her, both women looking concerned.

"What's wrong?" Jack asked.

"I think he's getting sick again Jack. He's not eating and he's very fussy." Claire told him.

"Babies get fussy sometimes Claire, I wouldn't worry too much about it." Jack told her.

"Will you please look at him, just to make sure?" She pleaded.

He could see she was distraught. He offered a comforting smile and put his hands out.

"Give him to me. Let's make sure he's okay." Jack said.

Claire handed the cranky, crying infant over to him. Jack peeled the blanket off of the baby and laid him down in his cradle so he could look him over. He felt around in specific areas, applying pressure to see if the baby's cries would increase, which would tell him if the baby was in pain. He grabbed a water bottle and poured some water over his hand. He put one of his water-soaked fingers up to the baby's mouth to see if he would latch onto it. Aaron eagerly sucked the water off his finger. He sat back and sighed lightly.

"What's wrong with him?" Claire asked.

"He acts like he's hungry. Are you sure he won't eat?" Jack asked.

"I've been trying all afternoon and evening. He starts to eat, but then gets fussy and won't." Claire told him.

"You're sure he's getting milk?" Jack asked.

"Please, every time he cries I have to change my shirt. That's definitely not a problem." Claire sighed rolling her eyes, making Jack laugh lightly.

"Is he okay Jack?" Kate asked.

"He's a little warm and he's fussy but he doesn't seem to be in any pain. He might be teething. Babies will run a slight fever and get cranky like this when they're teething. I think he's okay Claire, but you need to keep trying to get him to eat. He doesn't have to eat a lot, but you don't want to let him dehydrate." Jack told her.

Claire didn't look reassured. She looked tired and like she wasn't feeling that well herself.

"Are you sure you're feeling okay Claire?" Jack asked.

"Yes. I just wish people would stop asking me that." Claire snapped.

"You do look a little out of it Claire." Kate said.

"I'm tired. He hasn't slept longer than an hour at a clip in nearly two days and the one time he actually was sleeping good, the stupid shelter decided to fall in." Claire explained.

"Do you want us to take him for awhile so you can get some sleep?" Kate asked.

Jack shot Kate a look that indicated he wasn't interested in babysitting or pleased that she was volunteering him to do so. She noticed it and was puzzled by it.

"Or how about I just stay here and watch Aaron while you catch a few hours of sleep." Kate offered her eyes never leaving Jack's.

"No, it's fine. You two have better things to do than baby sit. I'll be okay." Claire said.

"No Claire I don't have anything better to do. Do you want me to stay?" Kate asked, now glaring at Jack.

"It's chilly in here. Claire, I'll be right up there (pointing toward the large fire about 50 yards away) if he gets any worse. Just come and get me if you need me." Jack told her and walked away.

"You should go with him Kate. I'm fine, really." Claire said.

"He's being a jerk Claire. I don't really want to be with him right now." Kate said.

"I don't think a crying baby was in Jack's plans tonight Kate." Claire teased.

"That's just selfish Claire." Kate argued.

"If anyone on this island deserves to have a selfish moment it would definitely be him." Claire defended him.

"Where is Sawyer? Did he take up shelter some place else?" Kate asked.

"I haven't seen him." Claire said.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" Kate asked.

"I'm fine Kate. Go. Find Jack. Enjoy your evening." Claire said.

Kate left Claire and Aaron and walked toward the fire where Jack was sitting, staring into the flames, deep in thought. She stopped beside him and looked at him until he finally looked up at her. He knew she was mad at him.

"Can we talk?" She asked.

"I'm listening." He said.

"Privately." She said and began walking toward her shelter.

He sighed, stood, brushed the sand off his pants and followed her. Once inside he sat down on the bed they had shared the night before and looked up at her, ready to hear what a jerk he was because he didn't want to spend the evening babysitting.

"Why did you do that Jack?" She asked.

"You should check with me before you volunteer me for things." He answered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd mind helping out Claire." Kate snapped.

"I'd do anything for Claire or anyone else for that matter so don't go there." He snapped back.

"Except when you've got an evening of sex planned?" Kate asked hatefully.

He looked up at her, obviously stung by the comment. His eyes showing just how far off the mark she was.

"You've got me all figured out I guess. Typical man right? Not thinking with the right brain?" Jack asked, his tone flat with a sarcastic edge.

"I don't understand Jack." Kate said. It was all she could manage because she didn't understand.

"I don't either Kate, but don't make assumptions like that about me. I look forward to every minute I get to have alone with you, but not to the point of being too selfish to help someone else." He told her.

"So you're not going to tell me why you didn't want to baby sit?" Kate asked.

"I don't know if I have a good explanation for it Kate. It's just not something I'm comfortable with." Jack told her.

"Why? You're so good with him and you're such a kind person. You're going to make a great dad some day." She told him.

"Why does everybody say that? How am I any better with Aaron than anyone else? I don't go out of my way to pay extra attention to him. I don't do anything special with him. God I don't want to talk about this Kate. Please." Jack said, completely frustrated, dropping his gaze down and away from her.

"Okay Jack, you've obviously got some baby issues. Did you consider that before we had unprotected sex?" Kate asked.

"I'm not worried about it. You're just a couple days into your cycle. We just need to be careful during your fertile days. It's called the rhythm method. Surely you've heard of it." He told her in his cold, clinical tone.

Kate was stunned. She knew this side of him. The side that could be so clinical and insensitive or at least what seemed insensitive, but was just routine science to him. She didn't like this side of him, but was doing her best to accept that it was just part of who he is.

"You're keeping track? Jack, that is so…" She couldn't complete her sentence. She didn't know what to think.

"That is so what Kate? Smart? Responsible? Do you really want to be pregnant in these conditions? No prenatal care. No chance of a proper diet to ensure your health as well as the baby's. God forbid the birth should be difficult, which happens more often than most people think. I don't know about you Kate, but I don't want to deal with that if I can avoid it." Jack lectured.

"I hadn't really thought about it." Kate admitted.

"I know. That's why I took it upon myself to pay attention. I'm not trying to be an insensitive jerk Kate, I'm just looking out for you." He said, his tone softer, less clinical.

"Maybe I don't need you to always be looking out for me." She suggested.

"Not always, but in this case, it's as much my concern as it is yours and it has nothing to do with whatever baby issues I may or may not have. I couldn't deal with losing you or a child because we're living in hellish conditions and I didn't have the proper tools to save you. So if we can avoid that for now we need to try." He explained, his voice pleading with her.

She decided he was right and she really had no desire to be pregnant. She just wished he could relax about what the future may or may not hold and just go with it. But as she looked at him, eyes pleading with her to understand and work with him on this, she couldn't stay upset with him any longer. Even if his analytical brain could be hard to take at times, his heart was always in the right place. She dropped to her knees in front of him and put her arms around him.

"I'm sorry." She said and kissed him.

"Me too, we should've discussed this before we ever made love. So you forgive me for making your eggs my business?" He asked and kissed her gently.

"I guess they kind of are your business now so yes, but we aren't going to sit around talking about bloating and cramps too are we?" She asked.

"We can if you want to. I'm a doctor Kate. That stuff doesn't embarrass me." He told her.

"Maybe it embarrasses me." She told him.

"Then we don't talk about it unless you bring it up." He told her and kissed her again, pulling her into his lap. She pulled back and nibbled lightly at his neck.

"I could eat you up." She told him.

"Yeah? I'm thinking you probably taste better." He said as he moved his mouth over her neck and nibbled on her ear lobe, making her moan and grind her hips into him.

He moved and laid her back on the makeshift bed, looking down at her with his warm, comforting brown eyes. She pulled him down to her, kissing him hard and then cradling his head in her arms, her mouth next to his ear.

"Make love to me Jack." She whispered.

40 yards away sitting beside the fire Sawyer and Hurley were playing Backgammon or Hurley was attempting to teach Sawyer how to play. They heard a loud cry or scream that was quickly muffled come from Kate's shelter. Hurley looked toward the shelter and then back as Sawyer.

"Guess they made up." Hurley laughed.

"Great. As much fun as this is, I think I'm going to call it a night." Sawyer groaned and stood up.

"Come on dude, you almost won that time." Hurley said trying to persuade him to hang around.

"No thanks. Listening to the mating calls of the island jack rabbits ain't my idea of a good time." Sawyer said and walked away.

Sawyer walked toward his shelter, deciding he'd sleep just outside of it. He got within 5 feet of it and could hear the baby crying.

"Perfect." Sawyer sighed and lay down just outside the shelter.

After listening to Aaron's nonstop wailing for what seemed like an hour, but was probably about 5 minutes Sawyer jumped up and pulled back the flap that covered the shelter, ready to convince Claire to shut that kid up or move out. He was just about to spout off when he noticed that Claire wasn't in the shelter. The baby was in the cradle, but Claire was nowhere to be seen. Sawyer squatted down beside the cradle.

"Where's your mama at kid?" He said and rocked the cradle a little trying to get the baby to stop screaming.

Aaron's cries just became louder, a high-pitched shrill that Sawyer was sure was doing permanent damage to his ear drums. He decided to be patient a little longer, assuming Claire had just stepped out to go to the bathroom or to get something he and Jack had forgotten. It was unlike her to leave Aaron unattended though and that was nagging at him. After another 5 minutes of the non-stop screaming he finally reached into the cradle and picked the baby up, not really sure what do with it or even how to hold it. He situated the baby in his arms until it looked like at least the baby was comfortable even though he wasn't and stood up.

"Something ain't right kid. Let's go get Jack and hopefully somebody that will know what the heck to do with you." Sawyer said and began walking with the baby up the beach toward Kate's shelter.

Hurley spotted Sawyer coming back toward the fire and when he saw he was carrying the baby he knew something was wrong. He ran to catch up with him, just outside of Kate's shelter.

"What's going on?" Hurley asked.

"Hell if I know. This kid won't shut up and his mother is gone." Sawyer replied trying to disguise his worry with aggravation.

"What do you mean gone?" Hurley asked

"What do you think it means dough boy? Gone. As in haven't seen her." Sawyer grumbled.

Having heard the voices just outside, Jack slipped his jeans on and threw Kate his shirt to cover up with. Without zipping or buttoning his pants he stepped out of the shelter, startled when he ran right into Sawyer, Hurley and the baby.

"What the hell is going on?" Jack asked.

"Take him." Sawyer said and pushed the baby toward Jack.

"What's wrong? Is he worse? Where's Claire?" Jack asked, his anxiety and adrenaline increasing with each passing second.

"I don't know where she is. I found him in the shelter alone and screaming his fool head off. We gotta go look for her." Sawyer told him.

Kate came out of the shelter, dressed again. She handed Jack his shirt, but he didn't take it. He was focused on the baby.

"He's burning up. I've got to get him up to the hatch, try to get his fever down." Jack said.

"What about Claire?" Hurley asked.

"We definitely need to find her." Jack said.

"You think!" Sawyer exclaimed sarcastically.

"I can't go look for her right now. The baby, he's too hot. I've got to get him cooled down." Jack said, torn, but in triage mode, prioritizing things.

"I'll go with you Sawyer." Kate said.

"No!" Jack yelled.

"Jack!" Kate yelled back.

"Kate, I don't want you running around in the jungle at night. We don't know what's happened to Claire." Jack protested.

"I'm going Jack." She told him and went back inside the shelter to put her shoes on.

"Don't worry doc, I'll keep her safe." Sawyer told him.

"I'm coming too." Hurley told him.

"Fine, everybody go off into the dark jungle. I don't have time to argue. I'll be in the hatch. If you find Claire, bring her to the hatch." Jack said.

"Uh doc, don't you think you should finish dressing or at least put some shoes on first." Sawyer suggested.

"Here, take him." Jack said and shoved the baby back at Sawyer, turning and entering the shelter before he had a chance to protest.

He was back out, dressed, back pack on his back and ready to go within 2 minutes. He grabbed the baby from Sawyer and took off up the trail that led to the hatch.


	6. Chapter 6

Charlie and Locke were relaxing in the living area of the hatch when they heard the door fly open and someone come running in. Before they had a chance to react they heard Jack's voice yelling for Locke.

"John! Where are you? I need your help!" Jack yelled.

John and Charlie ran toward the sound of Jack's voice, meeting him at the entrance to the hatch.

"What's going on?" John asked.

"The baby, he's burning up. I need you to fill something with cold water and get me some clean cloths or rags." Jack said and headed toward the room with the beds, the room he'd spent so much time with all the necessary skills to heal and none of the tools he needed to put his skills to use, forced to improvise in ways he'd never believed he'd be capable and forced to end the suffering when his skills without the proper tools weren't enough to make a difference.

"What can I do?" Charlie asked.

"Find a towel, pull those blankets back and put the towel down in the middle of the bed." Jack ordered as he held the screaming infant, seemingly tuning out his cries, digging through his supply of medicines.

Jack pushed the different pill bottles and medicine containers around, cursing under his breath as he knocked some to the ground. He finally grabbed at one of the containers, closed it in his hand and carried the baby over to the area Charlie had prepared on the bed. He lay Aaron down, peeling the blanket away from him, startled at the thick, deep red rash covering his chest and abdomen, a rash that wasn't there just hours earlier.

"Where's Claire?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know. John! The water!" Jack screamed.

"What do you mean you don't know! She never leaves his side? Jack, what…." Charlie continued to badger as Jack tried to focus on the infant.

"Charlie! I can't do this right now. Sawyer is out looking for Claire. Go help him or go help John. I need space to work here." Jack told him, trying not to lose it completely with him.

John brought in a large bowl full of water and some clean cloths.

"Where do you want this Jack?" John asked.

"Just put it on the floor by me and come hold his head." Jack answered.

John positioned himself beside Jack where could get his hands on either side of Aaron's head.

"I need to get this in him, try to get his fever down." Jack said as he fumbled with the small bottle of medicine he had in his hand.

"What is that? You can't just give a baby other people's drugs like you do everyone else." Charlie protested.

"You have a medical degree now?" Jack shot back in a hateful, fed up tone.

Charlie shook his head.

"Okay then." Jack replied in the same tone.

Charlie started to speak and John shook his head at him, positive that Jack would answer the next protest with something more violent than sarcasm.

"Let Jack do his job Charlie." John told him.

"It's children's acetaminophen. It won't hurt him, but hopefully it will bring his fever down if I can get him to swallow it." Jack said.

"I guess you pulled that out when you pulled out the other medicines? Good thinking Jack." John said trying to take his mind off the crying, shaking baby in front of him.

"Okay John, hold his head still." Jack said as he used a dropper from another medication he'd pulled out of the wreckage to measure an amount suitable for a child this young.

He handed the bottle to Charlie and put the dropper to Aaron's mouth. He inserted it in as far as he could without choking him, squirted the medicine in and held the baby's nose and mouth shut, forcing Aaron to swallow, making him wale louder once he let go.

"Sorry about that bud. It's the best way to make sure it goes down." Jack said softly to the baby who was still crying and shaking.

He wet one of the cloths and wiped the baby's face with it before draping it over the top of his head. He followed with another over the baby's chest and stomach, which increased the crying and shaking to the point that it was starting to get to Jack. He rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair quickly before removing the two cloths, rewetting them and reapplying them.

"Can't you do something Jack? He's screaming. Can't you comfort him at least?" Charlie protested.

Jack didn't answer, he continued the cloth routine, reapplying fresh cold cloths every minute. Aaron continued to cry and shake and John had backed away, behind Jack, watching helplessly as he tried to get his fever down.

"Jack please! Pick him up, just for a minute." Charlie pleaded.

"John, would you please get him out of here?" Jack asked.

"What is wrong with you man! How can you be so cruel?" Charlie yelled fighting Locke's attempts to lead him out of the room.

Jack applied a fresh set of cloths and looked up at Charlie.

"Do you think I don't want to pick him up and comfort him? His fever has to be pushing 105! The last thing he needs is to be held next to someone's body heat Charlie! Please, just go out there and let me do what I need to do." Jack yelled.

Aaron stopped crying getting Jack's attention immediately. His fever and rash ravaged body lay quiet and still.

"Aaron, come on bud, don't do this to me." Jack said as he felt for a pulse and put his face up to the baby's nose to feel for any sign of breath.

He sat back slowly, a defeated look on his face.

"Jack, is he?" Locke asked not wanting to say the word.

"He's unconscious." Jack answered.

"Do you have any idea what's wrong with him?" Locke asked.

"No way to tell John. Could be bacterial, could be a virus, could be any number of things." Jack answered sounding as defeated as he looked.

"But you can make him well can't you?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know." Jack answered.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Charlie asked.

"I mean I don't know Charlie. I'm not going to promise anything. I have no way to diagnose him. All I can do is treat the symptoms. After that it's out of my hands." Jack told him, his voice barely above a whisper.

The room was deathly quiet, the only noise coming from Jack wringing the water out of the freshly wetted cloths. They all heard the ruckus before they heard the all too familiar "Jack!"

Jack dropped his head, took a deep breath and was mumbling. He then stood and walked to the doorway, handing John the wet cloth he was holding in his hand.

"Could you keep doing that while I go take care of whatever just came through the door?" Jack asked without waiting for an answer and continued on out the door.

"Was he counting?" Charlie asked.

"That's what it sounded like." John said and took over where Jack left off with the wet cloths.

Jack was barely out the door when he saw Sawyer carrying Claire toward the room.

"No, no. Take her to the couch." Jack said and followed behind.

Sawyer laid her on the couch and backed away.

"What happened?" Jack asked.

"Don't know. We found her like that just a few feet into the jungle." Sawyer answered.

"How's Aaron?" Kate asked.

"Still breathing." Jack answered, the defeated tone still there.

He pushed Claire's hair back and put a hand on her neck to get a pulse.

"She's burning up too. Whatever this is, it hit both of them hard. I need cold water and towels." Jack ordered the defeated tone gone, replaced by his no nonsense, hurry up and get it now tone.

Charlie was now watching the scene taking place with Claire. He stood back with Hurley and watched as Jack worked to bring her around.

"Kate, I need your help. We've got to get some of these clothes off of her." Jack ordered.

"Okay, which ones?" Kate asked.

"All of them. Strip her down to her underwear." Jack answered as he unbuttoned the shirt she had on.

Once he had it unbuttoned he saw the rash, the same rash that was all over Aaron. Sawyer came in with a tub of water and a handful of towels.

"Help me sit her up Sawyer." Jack told him.

Sawyer lifted her from behind while Jack finished removing the shirt. He motioned for Sawyer to lay her back down. Kate had her jeans down her legs and was pulling them free from her feet when she looked up and saw the rash. Her legs, stomach, chest and arms covered with a thick, red rash.

"What is that Jack?" She asked.

"I don't know. It's all over Aaron too." Jack answered as he began applying the cool cloths to Claire's head, chest, stomach and thighs.

"What can we do?" Sawyer asked.

"Keep rewetting these towels about every minute with cool water and reapply them. We need to get her fever down." Jack said and switched places with Sawyer.

"I'm going to go check on Aaron." He said and started to walk away.

Charlie grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.

"Charlie I don't have time for this." Jack snapped.

"I don't understand how they got sick Jack. I gave her the vaccine for her and the baby. Did she not use it?" Charlie asked.

"You did what?" Jack asked.

"The vaccine from the pallet, I gave it to Claire." Charlie said.

Jack ran his hands over his short hair, his heart racing, his mind spinning as he considered the best and worst case scenarios that could result from what he was hearing.

"Best case they pull through, worst case they both die. Pretty simple actually, since I have no fucking idea what was in the vaccine." Jack mumbled to himself.

"Did you say something?" Charlie asked.

Jack had both hands on his head, he felt like he was going to explode. He was losing it. He backed up and bumped into Hurley, stumbled and continued toward the exit from the hatch.

"Jack! Where are you going?" Kate yelled as she went after him.

She got to him before he managed to escape the room. Everyone was looking at him, wondering if he too was sick. She held onto his arms trying to talk to him. He pushed her away.

"Jack! What is wrong with you!" She yelled.

He dropped his hands from his head and looked at her, eyes crazed and his facial expression a mixture of anger and pure insanity.

"What is the matter with me? With me!" Jack yelled back, holding back the sick laughter that was trying to force its way from his gullet.

"Jack you need to come and sit down and relax for a minute." Kate pushed.

"Relax? How in the hell am I ever supposed to relax Kate? What is wrong with everyone? Did everyone lose their common sense in the crash? Who vaccinates themselves with some unknown vaccine?" Jack said as he dropped to his knees, holding his head in his hands like his grip was the only thing holding him together at the moment.

"It wasn't the vaccine Jack. I used it on myself before I gave it to her." Charlie objected.

Jack put his hand up to silence Charlie and then back on his head.

"Was there any writing on the box?" Jack asked, trying to regain control of the situation.

"Just the directions for how to use it." Charlie answered.

"That's it? No warning label, no big long words you can't pronounce, much less understand, no skull and crossbones, no fucking clue what-so-ever as to what the hell might be in it!" Jack screamed so loud it made Sawyer jump.

"No, nothing, just the instructions." Charlie told him as he approached him.

He bent down until he was in Jack's face.

"Just because you can't figure out what is wrong with them don't try to pin this one on me Jack. I used it and I'm fine." Charlie said in a hateful tone.

Jack finally lost it. He lunged at Charlie and had him pinned to the floor before Charlie could react. He straddled him, his clenched fists full of Charlie's shirt, pulling Charlie's head up off the floor, wanting to shake him and pound his head into the floor until there was nothing left but blood and gray matter.

"Listen to me you son-of-a-bitch! People react differently to vaccines. It could be whatever is in that stuff has no affect on you or it could be that it takes more than one dose before the side affects show up or it could be that Claire and Aaron were the 2 out of 580,000 that would have a reaction. But none of that matters Charlie! The only thing you need to know is that you don't inject things into your body unless you know exactly what's in it and what the risks are. This one is all on you." Jack told him, his anger and rage out of control.

Jack felt himself being pulled off of Charlie, arms pinned behind his back being shoved out of the hatch. Once outside he was turned loosed. He bent over, clutching his thighs just above the knees, breathing hard as if he had just completed a two mile relay, the anger, fear and helplessness he was feeling consuming him.

Sawyer had been the person who pulled him off of Charlie and dragged him out. He stood quietly, watching the hero who had teetered at times, but didn't seem to have a breaking point, begin to crumble and self-destruct right in front of him. Jack glanced sideways and noticed him standing there. He maintained his hunched over stance, feeling sick to his stomach, the pounding in his head in rhythm with the rapid beating of his heart.

"Are we having another bonding session? Bring me out here to make me relax?" Jack asked in an angry, sarcastic tone.

"Just keeping you from killing him. Not that I care really, just not in the mood to dig a hole." Sawyer answered his tone sardonic.

"I don't want to do this anymore." Jack said, every bit of anxiety and grief he was experiencing coming through in that one simple sentence.

"Doesn't seem like you've got much of a choice doc." Sawyer offered.

"Yeah, why's that?" Jack asked.

"It's like your old man said, you do what's in your heart. Helping people is second nature to you, who you are. You can't change who you are any more than I can change who I am." Sawyer told him.

"Yeah and who are you Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"I'm everything you despise and everything you wish you were capable of being, if only for a day." Sawyer told him.

Jack let go of a half-hearted chuckle, the idea that he could spend a day being Sawyer actually appealing to him at the moment.

"You done having your breakdown? Ready to get back to saving the world?" Sawyer asked in his typical surly tone.

Jack straightened his body and took a deep breath. He walked toward Sawyer, stopped and patted him on the shoulder.

"Thanks for not letting me kill him." Jack said and continued walking back into the hatch.

He entered the hatch to find Charlie hovering around Claire while Kate was trying to keep the cool cloths on her. Jack switched places with Kate so he could examine her again. He checked her pulse, felt different parts of her exposed flesh and peeled her eyelids back. He sat back, collecting his thoughts, trying to determine if there was something more he could be doing. He could feel the eyes on him, wanting answers from him, but afraid to speak.

"Her fever is coming down. I need a blanket." Jack said as he applied a fresh, cool cloth to her forehead.

Kate appeared with a blanket. He looked up at her and gave her an appreciative nod and began removing the wet cloths that were covering her.

"Should we put her clothes back on?" Kate asked.

"No, the fewer clothes the better. The blanket will keep her warm enough without holding in too much heat." He said as he stood and stepped out of the way so Kate could put the blanket over her.

"I need someone to stay with her, keep applying the cool cloths to her forehead. Take shifts so nobody gets overtired." Jack said.

"Where are you going Jack?" Kate asked.

"I'm going to go relieve Locke. Kids with high fevers can go downhill quick, start convulsing, stop breathing. I need to stay with Aaron until he's out of the woods." Jack said and walked toward the other room.

"Who's going to keep you from getting overtired?" Hurley asked.

"I'll be fine Hurley. I'm used to going a ridiculous amount of hours without a break or sleep, been doing it for years." Jack told him, patting him on the arm as he walked by.

Charlie started to follow Jack into the room to continue what he felt wasn't finished. Sawyer grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back.

"I won't pull him off you this time." Sawyer warned.

Charlie listened and didn't follow him into the room. Hurley convinced him to go outside with him and get some air. John exited the room Aaron was in and joined Kate and Sawyer who were tending to Claire.

"Does he have any idea what's wrong with them? Should we be worried who's going to get sick next?" Locke asked.

"He thinks they're having a reaction to the vaccine they've been taking." Kate answered.

"Vaccine? What vaccine?" Locke asked.

"The one Davey Jones found and gave to her." Sawyer grumbled.

"And she used it?" Locke asked in a shocked tone.

"She's worried about her baby John, obsessed with the idea that the island is going to make him sick. Offering her that vaccine wasn't the smartest thing someone could've done." Kate defended her.

The three nodded in agreement.

"You should go help Jack. James and I can take care of Claire." Locke said.

"You sure?" Kate asked looking directly at Sawyer.

To her surprise he didn't sigh, roll his eyes or have anything clever to throw at her.

"Better you than me Freckles." He replied.

She walked toward the room where Jack was working on Aaron. When she entered the room he was applying a fresh cloth to his abdomen. He looked up at her and forced a fake smile.

"How's he doing?" Kate asked.

"He's still unconscious. His fever is still high." Jack answered.

She kneeled beside him and put her arm around him. He stiffened against her embrace and she finally pulled back.

"What's going on with you Jack? No, let me guess. This is your fault because Claire tried to tell you her baby was sick and you didn't believe her." Kate sighed heavily.

He looked at her, unimpressed with her comment.

"Talk to me Jack." She pushed.

"Nothing to talk about Kate." He said flatly and checked Aaron's pulse again.

"Jack, why do you always………" Kate started, but was interrupted by Jack springing up from his chair and immediately hovering over Aaron.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"He's not breathing." Jack said and began CPR on him.

Kate stood back and watched as Jack blew small puffs of air into Aaron's mouth followed by gentle chest compressions with three fingers. She couldn't move, paralyzed with fear, tears immediately streaming down her face. She finally turned her back to the scene and closed her eyes, not wanting to watch Jack desperately try to bring Aaron back the way he had brought Charlie back.

"Come on Aaron, come on." Jack said over and over, Kate recognizing the familiar desperate life saving plea, spoken with the same need to not fail as the last time she'd heard it.

She started to put her hands to her ears so she couldn't hear any of it anymore when she heard a strangled cry, followed by the familiar sound of Aaron's crying.

"That's it, good boy, breathe Aaron, breathe." Jack coached the infant as if he could actually understand him.

Aaron cried and trembled, his legs kicking straight out his little arms and hands shaking as his cries became louder and louder. Jack couldn't stand it any longer. He picked the baby up and laid him gently on his chest, holding him snugly and rubbing a soothing hand over his back. Kate turned around, brave enough now to observe the scene again and what she saw tore at her heart. Jack was holding the baby, rubbing his back, eyes closed, tears streaming down his face.

She put her hands on his shoulders and he opened his eyes.

"It's okay Jack. It's okay." She told him her own tears returning.

He pulled her close with his free arm, trapping Aaron in-between them. She hugged him and kissed him as he continued to break down.

"I can't, I can't do this anymore. I can't bury this baby. Please, I'm sorry. I'll do anything to make it up, just please make this stop, don't let anymore of my friends die. I'll do anything I swear." Jack continued to rant or pray, she wasn't sure. Was he even religious?

During Jack's breakdown, Aaron while trapped in-between Kate and Jack, had stopped crying. He was quiet, eyes open, one finger in his mouth. Kate noticed it first and pulled back.

"Jack he's awake. He's awake and he's not crying." Kate told him.

He looked down and laughed a relieved laugh. He pressed his lips to the baby's head and pulled back.

"His fever broke. He's still warm, but not hot." Jack said softly.

"You did it Jack. You saved him." Kate told him.

"I can't take credit for this one Kate and he's not out of the woods yet." Jack said as he scooted onto the bed with the baby, still holding him close to his chest, seeming to need the closeness more than Aaron did.

He put a finger up to Aaron's mouth. He latched on immediately so Jack left it there, afraid he'd start crying again if he pulled it out.

"He's hungry and his tongue is a little drier than I'd like it to be." Jack said.

"What's that mean?" Kate said.

"It means he's starting to dehydrate. We need to feed him, get some water into him." Jack said.

"But, Claire is still so sick and unconscious. How are we going to feed him?" Kate asked.

"He can't nurse again until I find out when she started using that vaccine and how many times she used it. I need to try to calculate how long before its safe for her to give him her milk again." Jack said.

"So what are we going to feed him? We don't have any bottles." Kate asked.

"I want you to go smash up some banana in a bowl and then add some water to it, stir it up. Keep doing that until it looks like baby food." He said.

"You say that as if I would have a clue what baby food looks like." Kate said making him laugh lightly.

"Kind of like hot cereal or grits. I've got some droppers I can use to get water into him. It's kind of a slow and tedious way to do it, but it'll work." Jack said.

Kate left them to go smash up the banana. John helped her mix it until it resembled baby food. Claire wasn't awake yet, but her fever was still going down. She took the banana mixture and a glass of water back into Jack. He was still holding the baby close to his chest, his finger still in his mouth, the baby eagerly sucking on it and getting mad that nothing was coming out of it.

"He's getting pretty mad. Do you want to hold him or feed him?" Jack asked.

"I'll hold him. I'd probably end up making him choke." Kate remarked.

"I'm not too sure I won't get the same result. I'm not exactly an expert at feeding babies." He told her, his demeanor back to normal, his frustration, fear, anger and what seemed like the beginning of a full blown mental breakdown completely gone from his body language and his tone.

She watched him, amazed at how quickly he could go from one extreme to the other, wondering if he had always been that emotional where his patients were concerned, if he'd always been so hard on himself, so intense and unwilling to accept what he can't control. She wanted to ask him what he'd meant, what he was sorry for, but decided that conversation would be best left for another time.

She watched him patiently feed Aaron water through a dropper and then watched him fumble with spoonfuls of the bananas on the first few attempts before successfully getting some of the mixture into Aaron's mouth. She couldn't imagine that he could look any more adorable or sexy than he did at the moment and she couldn't stop watching him, enjoying his paternal side, the love she felt for him growing with every spoonful. He could feel how intensely he was being studied and looked up at her, the look in her eyes and on her face making him smile.

"Enjoying the show?" He asked snapping her out of her daze.

"You're doing a very good job for someone who doesn't know what they are doing. Spill it. You've done this before haven't you?" She asked him.

"Done this before as in I have children of my own?" He asked picking up the suspicious tone in her question.

"You never talk much about your life before the island Jack. For all I know you've got a wife and 5 kids waiting for you back in the real world." Kate accused.

"Kate, don't you think I would've mentioned an important detail like that?" He asked as he convinced Aaron to take another bite.

"So is that a no then?" Kate asked.

He looked at her, slightly amused that she was jealous of a family he didn't even have. He smiled and kissed her, lingering briefly and then sat back, preparing another dropper of water for the baby.

"I don't have anyone waiting for me back in the real world Kate. No wife, no kids. Maybe a couple of close friends, that's it. I did a pediatrics rotation during my internship and that's where I picked up these rather pathetic feeding skills." Jack told her.

She smiled, enjoying the moment they were having.

"It's not pathetic. Look he's getting full isn't he?" Kate asked.

"I'm not sure. I think there is more on him than in him." Jack laughed.

"He's going to be okay now isn't he?" Kate asked.

"I hope so Kate, but until that rash disappears and his fever goes away completely I'm not going to get my hopes up. I have no idea what Claire has been injecting into them or for how long. I still can't believe she did it." Jack answered.

"You might want to skip that last part when you talk to her." Kate suggested.

"Right now I'd settle for being able to talk to her." Jack sighed.

"Since Aaron came around she should too right?" Kate asked.

"It's impossible to guess Kate. You'd think the baby would've had a harder time fighting it than the healthy, strong young adult, yet Claire is still unconscious and he's awake eating bananas. I can't treat what I can't diagnose. I'm useless to them." He said as another glob of bananas dropped onto Aaron's chest.

"Seems to me this baby wouldn't be laying here with bananas all over his face and chest if you were useless. He'd be dead." Kate stated flatly, almost harshly.

He looked at her and then back toward the baby, giving him another dropper of water.

"I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, stuck here on this island, forced to watch people die when you know how to save them, but can't because of the primitive conditions we're living in, but Jack, you need to try to focus on all the good you've done and not so much on what was out of your control. You're going to go crazy if you don't." She told him, gently cupping the side of his face with her free hand.

"You think I'm losing it too?" He asked.

"I think we all need to lose it once in awhile Jack, especially in this situation. If you didn't breakdown once in awhile I'd probably be more concerned about you." She answered.

"You don't need to be concerned about me. I'm fine. I got a little crazy tonight, but I'm okay." He reassured her.

"I think he's full Jack. He's just spitting it back out." She said, laughing lightly.

Together they managed to clean the baby up and find a fresh diaper for him, laughing at how inept both of them were at what should've been a fairly simple task. Kate held him and rocked him slowly back and forth. Jack stood with his arm resting on the top bunk watching her, mesmerized by how beautiful the sight of the two of them seemed to him. She looked up and smiled at him.

"You're checking me out again." She teased.

He smiled, kneeled down in front of her and kissed her deeply.

"I was checking you out. I've decided that focusing on you is the best cure my insanity. You're the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I've ever known." He said sweetly and kissed her again before standing to leave.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"I'm going to go check on Claire. I'll be right back." He answered.

He entered the room where Claire was still unconscious on the couch. Sawyer was asleep in the chair and John was sitting on the table in front of the couch applying fresh cloths to her forhead.

"Any change?" Jack asked.

"No, not really, but she hasn't gotten any worse either." John answered.

"There is that." Jack shot back in a quiet tone.

"How's Aaron?" John asked.

"He's doing better. We managed to get some food and water into him and he's calm for the first time in, I guess a couple of days according to Claire." Jack answered as he checked Claire's pulse and did a quick check of her rash and body temperature.

"You should go get some sleep Jack while they are both quiet." John suggested.

"I'm fine John." Jack refused.

"I know you are. You're always fine. The last time you were fine I think Kate ended up drugging you." John offered.

"I have no idea how long this will last John. They could be on the road to recovery or it could just be the calm before the storm. I can't just sleep." Jack defended himself.

"Exactly Jack and if this is just a lull, a tease before the real sickness sets in then you need to be rested and ready to deal with that. Either way, you need sleep. Go in there with the baby and rest. You'll be there if he gets worse and I'll be right here with him (points to sleeping Sawyer) if she gets worse." Locke ordered in the tone Jack recognized as his don't argue with me because I'm not backing down on this tone.

"Okay, you win. You know where to find me. Oh, and thanks John." Jack said, his voice weary.

Jack walked back into the room. The baby was sound asleep. Kate had laid him on the bed and was sitting in the chair beside the bed watching him sleep. He walked over to her and pulled her up out of the chair, sat down and pulled her back into his lap. She let her head rest on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around her, his hand moving slowly up and down her arm.

"How's Claire?" Kate asked.

"No better, no worse. Sawyer's passed out in the chair and Locke sent me to bed." Jack told her.

"Then you should climb up and sleep for awhile. I'll keep an eye on Aaron." She told him.

"I'd rather sit here with you." He said softly.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked in his eyes. He looked tired. She leaned in and kissed him softly. He returned the kiss, slowly and gently, his arms pulling her in closer to him, needing to feel her and hold her. He finally pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"I love you so much. I'd go crazy if you weren't here." He said sweetly and kissed her again.

"I love you too Jack and we'd all go crazy if you weren't here, but me, I think I'd have to remind myself to breathe." She told him.

"As soon as Claire and Aaron recover, you and I are going to spend a day or two alone. Nobody calling for Jack, nobody calling you Freckles, no group of survivors watching every move we make. Just the two of us and by God they better not do anything stupid or get sick because I'm not leaving a map." Jack told her.

"That would be nice, but I'll believe it when I actually see it. You take a day or two off from your island job?" Kate taunted.

"Yes, just you and me and some secluded spot. Just be sure you can lead us back." Jack responded.

"Will this spot be secluded enough for me to express how good you make me feel without having a hand clamped over my mouth." She asked making him laugh.

"Definitely and feel free to use as many adjectives in front of my name as you like." He teased.

"Oh brother, I'm guessing adjectives like quick, clumsy or small aren't allowed?" She teased back.

"That would be lying Kate." He replied.

"Come on you, let's get you to bed." She laughed and removed herself from his lap.

"You sleep up there, I'll lay down with him. I'll sleep better if I know I can hear him." Jack told her.

"Okay, but you better promise to try to sleep or there will be no camping trip for us." Kate ordered.

"I promise." Jack said and helped boost her up to the top bed.

"Goodnight Jack." Kate said.

"Goodnight Kate." Jack replied and lay down in the bed beside Aaron.


	7. Chapter 7

Kate wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep when her eyes popped open, but she felt rested so she decided it had been long enough. She lay still for a moment, listening for any sounds in the room or anywhere else in the hatch. Except for the sound of breathing in the bed below her, all was quiet. She determined by the sound of the breathing that Jack was still in a deep sleep so she moved as quietly as possible, slowly making her way down from the bed above the one Jack and Aaron were sleeping in.

When she finally made it to the floor she looked to the lower bed and a big smile spread across her face. Jack was sound asleep on his back and Aaron was lying on Jack's chest also sleeping very soundly. They looked so sweet sleeping together like that and Kate could feel her heart swelling as she watched them sleep, deciding that the side of Jack she'd seen interact with Aaron over the last few hours was possibly her favorite side of Jack so far.

She continued to watch them sleep and thought about how close she and Jack had become the last few weeks, both emotionally and physically. She thought about how intensely he had made love to her before the latest crisis pulled him away and fondly remembered the way he was looking at her while they were making love. She felt her stomach flutter while the rest of her body ached to feel his touch again. Reflecting on their intimate moments changed her mind. Paternal Jack was very sweet, but passionate Jack was definitely the side of him she favored the most.

"Favor? Who am I kidding? I crave you. You're like a goddamn potato chip, 'no one can eat just one'. If you didn't have that baby on your chest I'd wake you up with a bang." Kate mumbled and then giggled softly.

Jack began to stir and eventually opened his eyes. Kate was the first thing he saw and it confused him at first. He closed his eyes again, collecting his thoughts, attempting to get his bearings and then opened them again. He looked down at the sleeping baby and gently moved his hand over the baby's back. He looked back up at Kate, still looking a little out of it.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"I don't know. I just woke up too." She told him.

Jack put an arm around the sleeping baby and pulled himself up to a seated position. He held him to his chest, placing his lips to the baby's forehead for a moment before gently laying him down on the mattress, hoping not to wake him. The baby stirred for a moment and then continued to sleep.

"He had a rough night. He's still running a fever, but it's low. If it was going to shoot up again it probably would've by now so that's a good sign." Jack told her.

"I didn't hear him. You should've woke me up." Kate said.

"He didn't really cry out very often, just very restless and kind of whimpering. I finally put him on my chest thinking he might just be missing being held and he settled down and slept for awhile." Jack explained.

"You should go back to bed Jack. You don't look rested." Kate suggested.

"I'm fine. I want to go check on Claire." Jack said as he stood and slowly walked out of the room.

He walked into the room where Claire was sleeping on the couch. Sawyer and Locke were both sleeping, making Jack chuckle and mumble "Lightweights" before sitting on the table in front of the couch. He pulled the cloth from Claire's forehead and dipped it in the tub of water. He wiped her face gently with the cool cloth.

"Claire, can you hear me? Your fever is down, that's good. You need to try to wake up now." Jack coaxed in a gentle voice as he continued to apply the cloth to her face.

She stirred a bit, but didn't open her eyes. He lifted the blanket to examine the rash. It was fading in color which made him feel like they had been through the worst of whatever this was. He put the blanket back and rewet the cloth again.

"Claire, open your eyes for me." Jack continued a little louder and firmer.

She stirred again and mumbled something he couldn't understand, her body obviously tired and not wanting to wake up. He wished he could let her sleep, but it was important that he know she was responding to voices and stimulation again.

"I know you're tired Claire, but I need you to wake up. Come on, open your eyes, just for a few minutes and then you can go back to sleep." Jack ordered in a stern, no nonsense tone that finally brought her around.

She looked up at him, confused and then immediately frightened.

"Aaron's fine. He's sleeping in the next room." Jack told her, his voice gentle again.

"What's going on? Where am I?" She asked.

"You're in the hatch. You've been pretty sick." Jack told her.

"Where's Aaron. I want to see my baby." Claire told him and tried to sit up.

"You need to lay down Claire. Aaron has been sick too. You both had us pretty scared there for awhile." Jack explained.

"He got sick? How? I thought……" Claire searched for words, terrified that the island had finally made her baby sick.

"You thought giving him that vaccine would protect him from the mysterious island sickness that none of us have come down with yet?" Jack asked her.

"You know about that?" Claire asked.

"Is there a reason why you didn't want me to know about it?" Jack asked.

"You don't believe in the island sickness. You wouldn't have wanted me to use it." Claire told him.

"Why do you think that is Claire?" Jack asked, his voice still soft and caring.

"I made my baby sick didn't I?" Claire said, the shame she was feeling evident.

"It doesn't matter Claire. All that matters is that you are both getting better." Jack encouraged her, finding it impossible to be angry with her.

"It does matter. I'm a terrible mum Jack. How could I give my baby something like that without asking you first?" Claire said as tears began streaming down her face.

"You aren't a terrible mother Claire." Jack told her as she turned her face away from him.

He placed his hand under her chin and nudged her head back until she was looking at him.

"Listen to me Claire, I couldn't count the number of children I've treated who got sick or were injured because their parents had nothing but the best intentions. Sometimes our emotions cloud our judgment, which is one reason why doctors don't treat family members. I've got to be honest, treating you and Aaron last night was as close as I've ever been to treating a family member and I didn't handle it very well." Jack admitted, hoping that revealing his own flaws might settle her down.

"I'm sorry Jack." Claire apologized.

"I know and it's going to be okay." He said and patted her arm gently.

"He's really going to be okay?" She asked.

"I think so, but he shouldn't nurse again for awhile and maybe not ever just to be safe." Jack told her.

"But what is he going to eat? What have I done?" Claire asked, the tears starting again.

"He ate a banana last night and had some water. He's going to get the nutrition he needs Claire, we'll just have to improvise." Jack told her and smiled his most comforting smile.

"He ate a banana? Did he like it?" Claire asked almost laughing.

"He seemed to. I'm not very good at feeding babies though so he had to put up with wearing quite a bit of it." Jack laughed lightly.

"Thank you Jack." She said.

"For?" He asked.

"Just for always being so kind and for taking care of all of us and for not getting in my face and calling me an idiot for making my baby sick." Claire told him.

"Someone told me once I needed to work on my bedside manner so I've been trying to avoid getting in my patient's faces and using the word idiot." Jack teased, making her smile.

"I don't believe that. You've always been nice to me." Claire said.

"Promise me something?" Jack asked.

"What?" Claire asked.

"That you'll trust me when it comes to medical issues with Aaron. I understand you're scared Claire, especially after what happened with Ethan and Rousseau filling your head with stories, but try to remember that even though I don't always sound like it, I take all of your concerns about his health seriously and am never just blowing you off." Jack told her.

"I promise." Claire said.

"Good, now get some rest and hopefully by this evening you and your son can spend some time together." Jack told her.

Jack applied a fresh cloth to her forehead and stood to go back into the room with Aaron. Charlie entered the hatch as he was passing through. Jack didn't speak, he simply acknowledged him with a quick nod and continued on his path to the hatch bedroom.

"Can I talk to you Jack?" Charlie asked.

"Depends on what you want to talk about Charlie." Jack answered.

"I want to apologize." Charlie told him.

"Yeah me too, emotions were running pretty high last night." Jack told him.

"I could have killed them Jack." Charlie said.

"Yeah you could've, but you didn't. Did you really not suspect that might be dangerous Charlie?" Jack asked, not cutting him any slack.

"I guess I didn't think." Charlie answered.

"That seems to be a recurring problem with you when it comes to Claire." Jack replied.

"What, you've never had an irrational moment?" Charlie shot back, offended by Jack's statement.

"Sure I have irrational moments. Wanting to slam your head in to the floor until your skull was mush last night wasn't one of my more rational moments and neither was beating on your chest long after most would've given you up for dead. The difference between you and me is that my irrational moments usually come in the heat of an emotional experience, yours seem to be a bit more methodical, planned out." Jack told him

"Are you saying I tried to make them sick?" Charlie asked, getting angry.

"No, I don't think you meant for them to get sick. I think you are so obsessed with proving to Claire that you can take care of her and Aaron that you lose the ability to think and behave rationally." Jack said.

"You're a shrink now?" Charlie asked.

"A person doesn't need psychiatric training to recognize an unhealthy obsession. When you filled Ethan full of bullet holes I didn't like it, but I figured what the hell, if some guy had hung me and left me for dead I'd probably want to kill him too, but after the fire and now this I see that killing Ethan was just part of your obsessive need to prove to Claire that you can take care of her and Aaron. Newsflash Charlie. She doesn't want to be taken care of and doesn't need to be taken care of. She needs friendship and support and she needs to know that it comes without a price tag." Jack told him.

"A price tag?" Charlie asked.

"What? You don't expect her undying love and admiration as payment for all you do for her? Come on Charlie, be honest with yourself and when you do be sure to ask yourself if what you're doing is fair to Claire. You can't force someone to feel things they don't feel." Jack said.

"Has it been that obvious?" Charlie asked.

"Yes. Look Charlie, I'm the last person that should be giving advice on relationships, but maybe if you back off just a little, let her breathe, be her friend, her friend without strings attached, the rest will fall into place." Jack suggested.

"But what if it doesn't?" Charlie asked.

"Then it doesn't, but if it does you'll know that she loves you and not this image of yourself you've been trying to create for her." Jack told him.

"Okay, I'll do my best, give her some room to breathe. At this point I've got nothing to lose. So, are they going to be okay?" Charlie asked.

"I think so. You should come back later, let her sleep, let Aaron sleep." Jack told him and left him standing alone as he continued on his intended path and entered the hatch bedroom.

Aaron was still sleeping and Kate was lying on the bed beside him rubbing light circles over his back. He sat down on the chair beside the bed and rubbed light circles over her back.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey. You look pretty comfortable there. Thinking about going back to sleep for awhile?" He asked.

"No, I was actually thinking about you." She said.

"What about me?" He asked.

"I can't say. Were in the presence of a child and they aren't G-Rated thoughts." She answered making him laugh lightly.

"And they say men are the ones with the one-track mind." He teased.

"Well most men don't have the distractions you do." She told him and rolled onto her back to look at him.

"I'm never that distracted Kate." He defended himself, getting the 'Oh Please' look from her.

"I'm not." He protested.

"It's okay Jack, there is an appropriate time and place for everything." Kate assured him and smiled and ornery smile.

He leaned down and kissed her and then whispered into her ear, making her moan softly. He sat back and smiled a "cat that just ate the mouse" smile, his eyes never leaving hers.

She pulled herself up and out of the bed and sat in his lap, straddling him, arms wrapped around him above his shoulders, his hands clamped together at the small of her back.

"Pretty proud of yourself aren't you?" She asked.

He started to shake his head no, but with the same smug grin nodded yes and kissed her again.

"I bet I could get the same reaction from you just by using my voice." She challenged.

"You already have." He told her and pulled her deeper into his lap until they were chest to chest, stomach to stomach, hip to hip, his reaction rubbing against hers.

"I guess you haven't been as distracted as I thought." She told him and kissed him deeply, grinding her hips into his, making him groan and start pulling at her clothes.

"Jack we can't, there's too many people around." Kate protested when she felt his hand slip inside the waistband of her pants.

"Everybody is asleep." He argued and continued kissing and biting gently at her neck, his hands gently massaging her lower back.

"What about Aaron?" She asked.

"He's asleep and if you're quiet he'll stay that way." Jack teased.

"Jack." Kate protested.

"Kate." He replied in a breathy almost pleading tone.

"Not in this chair and not in front of the baby." She told him as she pushed his hands away from the button of her pants, making him groan and let out a light chuckle.

"I'll go close the door and lock it and meet you on top." He told her as he motioned toward the top bed and slid her off of his lap.

He stood, walked over to the door, peeked out quickly for any signs of life and satisfied everyone was still asleep, closed it and locked it. He stopped and looked at Aaron, making sure he was still asleep and put a pillow beside him in case he woke up and tried to scoot his way off the bed. He climbed to the top bed where he found Kate sitting in the middle of it, still looking a little unsure. He convinced her to lay down with him, side by side, face to face. He kissed her, his mouth wet and hungry, but not needy or urgent. She quickly melted into his kiss and embrace and relaxed.

"We don't have to do this if it makes you uncomfortable. I got a little carried away, but I've got my mind right now. We can just lay here and enjoy the peace and quiet." He told her and tightened his hold on her.

"I like it when you lose yourself in me, it's very flattering. How about we lay here and enjoy each other and whatever happens, happens." She told him and started kissing him again.

He placed his free hand to the side of her head, sinking his fingers into her thick locks, holding her head in place as his mouth moved hungrily over hers, their tongues intertwined wanting and needing to taste each other. As the kiss intensified, their breathing became heavier, their bodies starting to heat up, faces flushed with a feverish heat as the electricity ran through their bodies, the need to stretch against it and find a release for the build up becoming impossible to fight as they both straightened their bodies, hard and taut against each other, stretching and taking a deep breath before bringing their mouths together again.

His hand moved from her hair, slowly down her shoulder and arm then lightly over her stomach until it found the button on her pants. He worked the button open and slowly pulled the zipper down before taking a deep breath and pulling her as close to him as he could, slipping his hand down the back of her pants, gently gripping and massaging her bottom before letting his fingers gently glide over the sensitive area where her butt ends and her thigh begins, moving slowly to the center until she moaned and wrapped her legs around his thigh, pressing hard into his leg.

He continued kissing her, holding her in a trance with the sensuous movement of his mouth and tongue, releasing his grip on her and allowing her to relax onto her back so his hand can slide into the opening in the front of her pants, slipping his fingers under the elastic, gently grazing the skin underneath, making her gasp. With a firm grip on the elastic he began pushing her panties away and down, taking the pants with them. She lifted her bottom to help him and he continued to push them away, while keeping their mouths in rhythm, her moaning into his mouth putting him in danger of ending things before they got started.

He pushed her pants and panties to her knees and stopped, slipping his hand between her legs and covering her mouth wholly before inserting one finger, then two, driving her crazy. She pulled her mouth from his, wrapped both arms around his neck and pulled him close, her head resting on his shoulder, panting as he continued to gently work his fingers in and out and over, spreading the slippery wetness over her most sensitive area, bringing her close to release and then pulling away.

She let go of the hold she had on his neck, allowing him to bring their mouths together again, his mind completely absorbed in her and pleasing her while maintaining control over his own need for relief. She moved her hands down to his waist, working the button on his jeans open and unzipping them, slipping her hands inside on either side, pushing his boxers and jeans down over his hips while working the garments off her own legs, finally managing to free one leg completely. She wrapped her hand around him, sliding it gently up and down while moving him into position, a breathy moan escaping her throat as he pushed himself in slowly, holding his position and kissing her with as much passion as she has ever experienced from him or any other man. She wrapped her legs around him and gasped, the initial contact nearly putting her over the edge.

"I'm so close." She whispered into his ear.

He began pushing himself in and out of her and it didn't take long for her to find sweet release, clutching at him, tightening her legs around him and panting into his ear. He moved in and out of her slowly until she settled and then turned them over. She kissed him and sat up, looking down at him, eyes never breaking contact as she began moving over him another release building quickly for her. He watched her intensely as another orgasm rocked her body, holding onto her hips, letting her grind against him until she got through it.

He sat up and pulled her close to him, kissing her and moving his hands over her back, still connected and not done yet. He can't seem to kiss her deep enough or hold her tight enough, his need to be one with her intense.

"I love you so much Kate, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. You're always on my mind. I'll never be so distracted with anything that I'll forget to think about you. I promise." He told her and kissed her again.

He turned them back over and continued to make love to her, his eyes looking deeply into hers just the way she'd remembered, his heart and soul completely exposed to her, vulnerable and somewhat needy, the side of Jack the others never got to see, much less be privileged to know and love and for the first time in her life she understood what it meant to love and be loved unconditionally.

After bringing her to release a third time he finally gave into to his own need and collapsed on top of her, supporting most of his weight on his folded arms, his face buried in her neck, taking in her scent, staying inside of her until his breathing returned to normal. He finally lifted his head and kissed her one more time and then moved off of her, rolling onto his back beside her.

"That was just a sneak preview of how we're going to spend the next two days." He told her.

"The next two days? We're leaving tomorrow?" She asked.

"I have to wait and see how they're doing, but if they keep improving I don't see any reason why we can't disappear for a couple of days. As a doctor I can't do anything more for them." He told her.

"Two whole days of you with no interruptions doesn't even seem like something I dare dream about." She told him.

"Dream, because it's getting ready to happen. I promise." He told her

"Have you relaxed for two whole days since we've been here Jack?" She asked.

"I can't remember the last time I relaxed for two days any place." He answered with a chuckle.

"You know you can't leave without letting at least one person know where we're going." Kate warned.

"Yeah I know. It's crazy to think that four or five months ago I could be reached anywhere by punching a few numbers into a phone and it didn't really matter how far away I was, I could get to any emergency pretty quickly and if it took a little longer there were other capable people around to take care of things until I could get there. Now, if I'm out of sight or more than a half mile away someone could die before anyone ever found me." He said with a hint of angst in his voice.

"Are you having second thoughts Jack?" Kate asked.

"No. I need a break Kate. If Sawyer hadn't pulled me off of Charlie last night I can't say that I wouldn't have gone through with my desire to pound his head into the floor. I don't like what I'm becoming." Jack explained.

She could hear the exhaustion in his words, the months on the island taking a toll on him mentally and physically, him more than anyone else. He worked nonstop, dealt with every problem that came up, made decisions right or wrong and no matter how difficult some made it for him, continued to be the tower of strength and symbol of hope everyone needed. He never let the rest of the survivors see his weariness or his doubt and especially not his fear. She was amazed that he hadn't had a full blown breakdown because contrary to what most wanted to believe, he really was human.

"I don't think you would've hurt Charlie. I believe you wanted to at that moment, but I'm confident you would've stopped yourself." Kate said.

"Don't be so sure Kate. I feel like I'm going crazy most days, like the island is just getting smaller and smaller, closing in on me. Do you ever feel that way?" He asked.

"Sure, I think we all do. Knowing this is it, that you can only go so far in any direction before you hit water, it's a suffocating feeling. You deal with a lot more than the rest of us though so I can't imagine what it must be like for you. What do you think you'd be doing right now if you hadn't been on Flight 815?" Kate asked.

"I would be spending 16 or 17 hours a day at the hospital and then I'd go home and put up with the young, annoying, but extremely hot babe that lives on the 8th floor throwing herself at me." Jack answered with a light laugh.

"Did you ever catch her?" Kate asked.

"Once. I was in a really bad mood. If I ever get back to the real world, I doubt she'd be throwing herself at me anymore except to call me a few choice names." Jack sighed.

"You'd love to go back though wouldn't you? I mean, if there is a hell on earth, we're living in it." Kate offered.

"It's not all bad. I never would've met you if we hadn't crashed." Jack said sweetly as he propped himself up on one arm and looked down at her.

"Yeah, but how do I measure up and against the hot babe in your building?" Kate asked.

"No comparison and if I'd had anything as wonderful as you waiting for me I wouldn't have spent all those hours at the hospital. Hey, if you want to start acting sleazy and throw yourself at me as a type of foreplay I'm game." He teased trying to lighten the somber mood he'd created.

"You don't have to do that Jack." She said.

"Do what?" He asked.

"Try to lighten the mood. It's okay for you to feel like you're ready to throw in the towel and share that with me. I'm a good listener. That's probably the most you've ever shared with me about your life before the island." She said.

"I'll tell you what, I'm all yours for two days. Whatever you want to know, I'll tell you. Right now, I just want to enjoy laying here with you until Aaron forces us to get up." He said and kissed her.


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron continued to run a fever into the evening and Jack wasn't comfortable leaving him until the fever broke completely so he and Kate's getaway would be delayed for one day. It was early morning and Jack was in the hatch, packing a backpack with a few first aid items, getting ready to disappear for two days with Kate. They had spent the night in his shelter and she had woken him up the way men dream of being woke up, which left him feeling energized, almost hyper and definitely in a good mood. He wanted to get away before anyone or anything had the chance to spoil his mood.

He was debating whether he should tell all of them he was going to disappear for a couple of days or if he should just let them figure out he wasn't around. He was concerned that some might get anxious that he wouldn't be readily available to handle whatever crisis they might have and develop anxiety related medical problems if he let them know in advance that he was leaving.

Most of the time their symptoms were in their head anyway, but hearing from him "you're fine, everything looks normal" seemed to calm them and make them forget about whatever phantom pain or ailment they were having that day. He was certain that in all the years since he graduated medical school, he'd never diagnosed as many neuroses as he had in the months he'd been stranded on the island. It irritated him in the beginning, labeling them hypochondriacs under his breath, but as time went on and the number of survivors coming to him with health issues that he couldn't find any reason for them to be having steadily increased, he began to understand that they were just scared and lonely and certainly depressed and found the patience to deal with it.

The number of phantom illnesses increased significantly after his return from being held captive and that was one of the reasons he decided to make checking with each one of them every day part of his daily routine. Seeing them every day and talking to them seemed to settle them back down and keep the number of imaginary medical problems manageable. He wondered if leaving them for two days would panic them and undo all he'd accomplished in that respect. He shook his head and sighed.

"When did you become a surrogate father to 40 plus adults Jack?" He mumbled to himself.

He threw the backpack over his shoulder and left the hatch. He decided he wasn't going to tell them he was leaving. It would take him too long to go talk to each one of them and he was ready to get Kate and go. He walked to the beach toward Sawyer's shelter. It was early and most of the survivors were still asleep, but he knew the redneck would be awake, he was always up before the sun except during the times he was recovering from his injuries.

"Maybe he was a farmer back in the real world. Harvesting his crops would be a good time." Jack chuckled to himself, remembering the plants Sawyer claimed to be growing on the island.

He came from the back side of Sawyer's shelter, walked to the front and stopped in front of him. He was awake, laid back, not really doing anything.

"Hey." Jack said.

"What's up doc? Damn I bet you hate that huh?" Sawyer asked.

"Only when someone does a really bad Bugs Bunny imitation when they say it." He answered with the hint of a smile.

"Why so happy doc? Early bird catch the worm?" Sawyer taunted.

"Yeah something like that. Listen, I need a favor." Jack said.

"Right, because I'm known for doing favors." Sawyer retorted, rolling his eyes.

"You'll do this. I'm going to disappear for a couple of days so take this, hide it some place, watch out for them until I get back." Jack explained and handed Sawyer one of the few guns and ammo they had left.

"You sure I'm the best candidate for this favor doc?" Sawyer asked.

"My other options tend to get a bit power hungry, over zealous, too eager to let it be known that Jack's gone and they're in charge, as if anyone really wants to be in charge. I'm guessing by letting you know I'm leaving, they'll never even know I'm gone and I'd prefer they not know." Jack told him.

"You don't think they'll notice you aren't making your island rounds?" Sawyer asked him.

"I'll get Hurley to do that, lie to them, tell them he saw me here or there." Jack said.

"Where you goin? Just in case somebody stubs a toe or something." Sawyer asked.

"Do you remember the cove we ran across?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, what's there that is so urgent." Sawyer asked.

"Nothing, that's the point, it's secluded, quiet and sheltered enough to make camp. I'm taking everyone's advice, getting away, going to relax." Jack answered.

"She goin with you?" Sawyer asked his tone suggestive.

"Yes, Kate's coming with me. Is that going to be a problem?" Jack asked the threat delivered with the question coming through loud and clear.

"So what makes you think I would want to do this?" Sawyer asked in his surly tone.

"Hey, I just thought if push came to shove you'd want to be able to defend yourself, but if you aren't interested give the gun back to me and I'll leave it with Sayid. I'm sure he'd be happy to look out for you." Jack offered.

"I'll do it." Sawyer grumbled.

"Okay then, I guess I'll go find Hurley and be on my way." Jack said and walked away.

Jack convinced Hurley he could be a believable liar, found Kate and managed to walk away from the camp before everyone woke up. They would only be a couple of hours away, shorter if you ran, but it would be far enough to not be stumbled on accidentally since most didn't venture very far away from the camp.

"So who'd you leave in charge?" Kate asked.

"Sawyer and Hurley." Jack answered making her laugh.

"You're serious aren't you?" Kate asked.

"Nobody's ever in charge Kate. There just needs to be someone around who isn't afraid to make a decision "Sawyer" and someone who is good natured enough to go around and talk to everyone during the day "Hurley". They know where to find us if there's an emergency." Jack explained.

"So where are you taking me Jack?" She asked.

"It's a place Sawyer, Locke and I found. John and I were looking for an optional source of fresh water and Sawyer was tagging along for some reason. He was having one of his moments when he wanted to belong I guess." Jack answered.

They continued to walk, staying along the beach most of the way. Venturing deep into the jungle wasn't something they did anymore unless they were in groups and only did so to pick fruit or to hunt. Just as she was about to suggest they stop and take a break they rounded an area of the beach and a cove came into view. It was enclosed by steep cliffs, with a beautiful sandy beach, trees along the edges and the water was a peaceful almost calming shade of blue. He took her by the hand and led her into the heart of it and let his backpack drop to the ground.

"This is great Jack. We aren't going to try to climb those cliffs are we?" Kate asked making him laugh.

"No, I didn't bring you out here go exploring or put you in danger. Do you think you can handle sitting still for a couple of days?" He asked.

"Who says we're going to be sitting still? I plan on finding out just how much stamina you've got." Kate teased and dropped her backpack on the sand, finding herself face to face with him, the grin on his face making her smile.

"How much stamina I've got? Who was it this morning saying, 'I can't, I'm tired'?" He teased back.

"You caught me by surprise. You weren't supposed to last beyond your wake-up call, much less put me over the edge three times and push for a fourth." She told him as she put her arms around his waist.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, tilting her chin up and kissing her softly.

"That was a pretty awesome way to wake up. In the future, if you don't want me to last through it, let me know and I'll be happy to oblige." He said with an ornery grin.

"Oh no buddy, when you don't last it won't be a choice on your part, trust me." She told him and kissed him.

"I love it when you get all competitive." He laughed.

"Keep laughing Jack, but I guarantee you that by the time we leave this cove I will have had my way with you and control won't be something you will have managed to achieve." She said in a soft, seductive voice, her words echoing in his ear while her breath tickled his neck, turning him on instantly.

"These are the challenges with you I love, the ones I have no desire to win." He whispered in her ear, pulling her into him so she could feel the affects of her challenge for herself.

"That's pretty impressive Jack. I'd ask you if you're up for a swim, but……." She teased, cut off by his mouth covering hers with a deep, loving kiss, the affects of his instant switch from teasing to passionate running through her body like electricity.

They didn't speak anymore, caught up in the moment and the freedom to be as naughty as they wanted to be. A blanket was quickly spread out on the ground and they picked up where they had left off that morning, their first hour in the cove spent exploring and enjoying one another, with no inhibitions.

After a day of love making and skinny dipping, both were ready to build a small fire and force themselves to eat while they watched the sun go down. Like most things on the island, eating had become a chore, something they had to do in order to survive, but not something that was considered enjoyable. Day after day of the same fruits, vegetables and meats made eating as mundane as filling containers with water, collecting fire wood and picking fruit.

They moved into the cove away from the water, found a nice spot where the ground was fairly level and built their fire. He'd packed enough blankets to make a fairly comfortable pallet on the ground and after choking down some fruit and water found himself laid back, wearing nothing but his jeans, head resting on his backpack, Kate curled up next to him, her head resting on his chest, both quiet watching the fire quickly become their only source of light.

"Tired?" She asked.

"Not really, just content." He answered.

"Today was pretty great." She said.

"Yeah, do you think they'd miss us if we never went back?" He sighed.

"They are probably already missing you Jack and you'd get sick of me after awhile." She said.

"I doubt it." He replied and draped his arm over her.

"We've been about as intimate as two people can be Jack, but we really don't know each other very well." She said feeling his muscles tense briefly and then relax again.

"I figured this was coming eventually. What would you like to know?" He mumbled obviously not comfortable with revealing the life he left behind to her. She pushed herself up, forearms on his chest, looking right at him.

"Why don't you want to tell me things about yourself Jack? I don't understand that." She asked, sounding a little hurt.

"Why don't you want to tell me things about your past Kate?" He snapped and felt bad immediately.

"I don't want to fight with you Jack." She said and lay her head back down on his chest.

"I'm sorry. I have a bad habit of distancing myself from the people I care about. That's probably why my marriage fell apart." He told her.

"You were married?" She asked in a shocked tone.

"Yes." He answered.

"But you aren't anymore. Did you stay in contact? I mean was it a friendly split?" Kate asked.

"It was a painful split. I see her occasionally. She managed to make my last night in Los Angeles miserable. I got so angry with her. I wanted to physically harm her and then I almost slept with her. It's an unpleasant situation. She knows how to push all my buttons, manages to leave me feeling guilty every time." He reminisced.

"Is that what you're sorry for?" Kate asked.

"Sorry for?" He asked, confused by the question.

"That night Aaron stopped breathing. You were saying you were sorry and that you'd make it up." Kate answered.

He got quiet and very still, apparently very deep in thought and whatever he was thinking about was upsetting to him because she could feel his breath hitch a couple of times. After a few minutes of this she finally raised her head again to see if he was okay. His eyes were closed tight and tears were streaming down his face. She didn't know what to think or what to do so she lay back down on his chest and hugged him as tight as she could, feeling him tighten his hold on her, their unspoken way of letting each other know that they are there for one another. She finally spoke.

"You know Jack, sometimes there aren't any magic words or solutions, but just talking about it can help. If you want to talk about it I'll just listen and won't try to make it all right with some over used cliché." She offered making him laugh lightly, amazed at how well she really did know him even though she believed otherwise.

"I killed my father Kate." He said softly.

She didn't respond. She wanted to, but promised she wouldn't and she wasn't sure what she'd say to that anyway, the irony of the situation bringing her close to breaking out into insane, hysterical laughter.

"I knew that having him stripped of his medical license would kill him, but I did it anyway. If I believed my motives were one hundred percent about keeping him from destroying another family I could probably find a way to forgive myself, but I know, I know in my heart that a part of me just wanted to get back at him, make him pay for all the years of never being good enough to be his son, never measuring up, never getting one goddamn thing from him that was real. It was finally my chance to stick the knife in and twist it, twist it inside and out like he'd done to me my entire life and I jumped at it." Jack explained, his words echoing the torment in his mind.

She remained quiet, continuing to hold him close, so close she swore she could almost feel his pain.

"You know what's really crazy? I loved and admired my father until the day he died and I miss him. I'd give anything to be able to sit and talk with him again and just have the chance to tell him I'm sorry and that I love him." He finished.

"I'm sorry Jack." She offered.

"Yeah, me too." He replied.

"No, I'm sorry that you've been carrying that around the whole time we've been on this island on top of everything else you've had to deal with. I'm sorry that nobody ever stops to consider that you get tired and scared sometimes and I'm sorry that I wasn't a better friend to you, a good enough friend to offer you a shoulder to lean on once in awhile." She apologized.

He lifted his head to look down at her and then sat up, pulling her up with him. He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly, holding her in the embrace so tight she thought she might lose the ability to breathe. He pulled back and kissed her.

"You're probably the best friend I've ever had Kate." He told her.

"I could probably say the same thing about you." She said and kissed him back.

"So is this really how you want to spend our time alone?" He asked.

"I want to know you Jack, all of you, not just the good stuff." She pleaded.

"There's good stuff?" He laughed lightly.

"I could go on and on about all your good qualities, that's easy. I'm really sorry about the situation with your father Jack. I hope you can find a way to make peace with that some day." She told him as they lay back down together.

"Thanks. So now what? You want to hear about Sarah?" He asked.

"Is she your wife?" Kate asked.

"Ex-wife." Jack answered.

"Yes, I want to hear about her, just leave out all the details about how beautiful and hot and sexy she was." Kate replied making him laugh again.

"I don't know if beautiful, hot or sexy would be an accurate description. The first time I met her she had a piece of a steering column sticking out of her chest." Jack explained.

"You married one of your patients?" Kate asked her tone suggesting she found that to be an odd thing to do.

"Yeah I know, probably not a wise thing to do. Hindsight is 20/20. Her spine was crushed and I did something stupid. I promised her I'd fix her even though I knew that was most likely impossible. I thought I had failed and to this day am still not sure how it happened, but she walked. Word got out and they called it a miracle and the case made all the medical journals. As a doctor how do you follow that up? How do you handle it when you can't save or fix the next patient? Anyway, I fixed Sarah and I became attached while she was healing and one thing led to another. She told a room full of people the night before our wedding that I was her hero. I probably should've run right then, even considered it, but how could I?" He told her.

"Did you love her?" Kate asked.

"Yes I did, very much." He answered.

"So what happened?" Kate said.

"We weren't even married six months and she was pregnant, which was fine, we were trying to get pregnant. She had a miscarriage about 11 weeks in, which as you can image was difficult, but we got through it and got pregnant again. It was a boy and we had the nursery all set up and had the list of names narrowed down to two or three. All we needed was the baby. She's about 28 weeks into the pregnancy and a nurse comes in while I'm in surgery and tells me my wife is in the emergency room. By the time I got down there she had delivered the baby, a stillborn. Nobody's fault, it happens." Jack continued to tell his story.

Kate noticed that his voice took on the familiar clinical tone while he described the events surrounding Sarah, but hadn't managed to fully disguise the pain of the experience. This was obviously a difficult time in Jack's life, not just the loss of the child, but everything that had occurred from the moment he met this woman with the steering column protruding from her chest.

"The relationship started falling apart after that. She wanted to try to get pregnant again and I didn't want to watch her go through any more disappointment, just wanted to cool it for awhile and she resented that. I started spending more and more time at the hospital and when I was home I was distant, detached and so was she. The last few months we were together we barely spoke and sex was pretty much non-existent, the last few times feeling more like a pity fuck than anything meaningful so I just left her alone. I almost cheated on her. I wanted to really bad but stopped it before anything really got started. I decided right then that I wanted to try to save my marriage, but I guess I was too late. When I got home she told me she was leaving me, had been having an affair. Talk a blow to the ego." Jack finished with a sickly chuckle.

"So what did she do that made you so angry your last night in Los Angeles?" Kate asked continuing to push while she had him opening up to her.

"Kate, I don't want to talk about this anymore." He said his emotions raw and his voice tired.

"Please Jack. Whatever it was, it's eating at you. You need to put it out there, try to move past it." Kate told him, making him laugh.

"What's funny?" She asked.

"I was just thinking about how maybe when you're done with me, you might want to listen to your own advice." He answered.

"Maybe I will." She said.

"Kate what is eating at me really isn't something I can move past, but I'll put it out there for you. When Sarah left me she was pregnant. She said it wasn't mine. Since I could count the number of times we'd had sex in a month on one hand I took her word for it, but it nagged at me. I begged her to get a paternity test when the baby was born, but she refused. She was in love with this guy and they were going to make a nice little family so I left her alone, learned to live with not knowing. I hadn't seen her in a long time and I run into her at a bar on my way home to pack for my trip to Sydney. She's drunk and she's sorry and she wants to start over. Then she shows me a picture of her daughter and tells me that she's mine. Talk about the ultimate "fuck me" moment. I wanted to punch her in the face." Jack finished again.

"So you have a daughter?" Kate asked.

"I don't know if she's mine or not. Maybe she just said that to try to get me to take her back." Jack said.

"Did she look like you?" Kate asked.

"Light brown hair, brown eyes, maybe." He said the idea that he could possibly have a child back in the real world that he may never see or know gnawing at his very core.

"Jesus Jack, you've been dealing with a lot of shit." Kate blurted out making him laugh.

"I guess we spend our days either running from the monsters on this island or the monsters from our pasts huh?" He offered.

"Yeah, except the island actually gave me the opportunity to stop running." Kate said.

He sat up again to face her. He pulled her close and began kissing her, slowly taking her down to the blanket until she was on her back and he was hovering over her. He pulled out of the kiss and looked into her eyes, the light from the fire allowing her to see his face and the sincerity with which he delivered his request.

"Kate, I need you to promise me that if we ever do get rescued you won't run. I couldn't take it. I'll stand by you and I'll do everything I can to help you fight whatever charges they have against you. Just please stop running." He pleaded.

"Jack, I don't know if………." She started to argue but was stopped by his mouth covering hers again, the warmth and intensity of the kiss lighting a fire deep within her. She'd follow him anywhere, she knew it. He pulled back again and continued to look into her eyes, needing an answer before he could allow himself to go on.

"Please Kate, I need you to promise. I'll take care of you. Trust me." He continued to plead.

"I promise." She said, her eyes telling him she meant it.

"I love you Kate so if you're done delving into my past, I'd like to show you what the present and the future has to offer." He said with a soft, sweet smile.

"You aren't going to make me tell you my secrets now?" She asked.

"No, you'll tell me when you're ready to." He said and brought his mouth back down to hers with no intention of coming up for air again for awhile.

They made love again and drifted into a deep peaceful sleep, wrapped up together, the fire and their combined body heat providing the necessary warmth to stay asleep. His eyes popped open, startled and fully awake. A noise had jarred him into consciousness. Dawn was breaking, his right arm was numb and tingly, the circulation cut off by her sleeping form. He gently eased out from under her and covered her with a blanket. He looked around, listening, hearing voices, people approaching. He could make out four distinct figures approaching, but couldn't tell if who they were. He reached inside his backpack for the gun he'd packed, ready to protect them from whatever bad thing was about to happen next. Kate was awake now, his sudden movements having startled those parts of her brain that were always on alert. She sat up and he pulled her close to him, squinting, trying to make out the faces of the figures approaching. They appeared to be in uniform.

"Who are they Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. How many tribes of others are there on this god forsaken island?" He mumbled, frustrated as well as alarmed.

The figures were getting closer. Jack had the weapon locked and loaded, ready to go down in a blaze of glory. He was sick of it, tired of being fucked with. All he was trying to do was survive in a place he didn't want to be in and had had all of the monsters, polar bears, Dharma nut jobs and others he could take. He brought the gun up, aimed, ready to fire if they didn't stop right where they were.

"Don't come any closer or I'll shoot." He warned.

"It's okay Jack. It's John." Locke called out.

"Locke? What are you………what's wrong?" Jack asked, still unsure and not ready to lay his weapon down.

"It's okay Jack. They're here to help. It's over Jack. It's finally over." John told him as he came closer, three men in uniform by his side.

Jack stood, he could make the figures out now. They looked like soldiers. Was this another trick? Did he dare believe this was happening? Was he dreaming? He stood speechless and observed them as they came closer and finally stopped in front of him. One of the men held his hand out. Jack looked at his hand and then back at the man.

"Dr. Shephard, I'm Commander Michaels, United States Coast Guard." The man said, waiting for Jack to shake his hand.

Jack cautiously took the man's hand and shook it, stunned, shocked and not ready to believe just yet.

"Is this real John? Are they really here to rescue us?" Jack ask, his voice cracking as his emotions began to take over, his mind ready to crumble if this was some sick joke.

"It's real Jack. They showed up a few hours ago. They've come to take us home." John said.

"But how did you? I never thought…" Jack stuttered, suddenly unable to put together an intelligent thought.

He sat down on the ground, pulled his knees up to his chest, put his head down and sobbed, months of extreme physical and emotional stress taking its toll. He was finally able to stop being in charge, stop being the hero, allowed to feel the pain and to be scared and by god he was going to have his five minutes, not five seconds, of complete insanity before he left this hell hole behind.


	9. Chapter 9

The Coast Guard Commander wasn't sure what to make of Jack's reaction. He looked at Locke, eyes questioning.

"He's been to hell and back. Give him a few minutes to collect himself." Locke told the commander.

Jack could hear them talking about him, he didn't care. He realized he must look foolish to them, but he couldn't control it. The burden lifted off of him seeming to have opened the flood gates. He began to wonder if he would be able to pull himself back together or if this was it, straight-jacket time and then he heard her, the woman who had kept him from going crazy through everything and what he heard didn't really shock him, but it immediately put everything into perspective for him. He heard her tell the men in uniform that her name was Cassie and he was fine again. Whatever trauma or personal torment he'd been through trivial compared to the fear she must be experiencing at the moment. Everyone would be ecstatic, eager to be going home, everyone but the one person he cared about more than anyone, more than himself. He quickly wiped his hands over his face and stood. He put a reassuring arm around Kate's waist and looked at Locke, trying to determine if he was going to go along with Kate's alias.

"I'm uh, sorry about that. I'm fine. So John, how are the others handling the news?" Jack said.

"They're happy and wondering whether or not you and Cassie were going to get left behind." John answered, catching the brief nod of appreciation from Jack.

"How did you find us?" Jack asked the commander.

"It wasn't us, it was the Air Force. An E-3 spotted the signs of life and radioed it in about four days ago. We had the coordinates, but this island is, well it's hard to find. We weren't sure what we were going to find and survivors of a plane that disappeared over five months ago was the last thing we were expecting. We'd assumed that plane went down in the ocean and that we'd never find any sign of it. You're lucky. It was just a fluke thing. That E-3 got off course and happened to stumble onto you." The commander told him.

"So what now? How many of you are there?" Jack asked.

"Just us three, we've got a motor life boat that will take us out to the cutter where the rest of the crew are waiting. Three trips should do it. Once we get everybody onboard, I'll radio in that we've found you and then we'll take the cutter to Hawaii, where airline officials will most likely be waiting to get your names and make arrangements to get all of you home." The commander told him.

"What about people like me and Desmond and Danielle who weren't on the plane?" Kate asked making Jack and Locke both make eye contact again.

"You weren't on the plane miss?" The Commander asked.

"No, I was already here when their plane crashed. I was on vacation, Fiji Islands. Decided to give yachting a shot, got caught in a storm, the boat was damaged, took on water for days before it finally sank. I thought I was dead, but after a half day in the ocean I spotted the island." Kate lied.

"Is there no one looking for you?" The commander asked.

"No, I don't have any family and was vacationing alone. I'm a bit of a loner that likes to travel, see the world. After this, I may rethink that." She lied and gave a half-hearted laugh, Jack and Locke both amazed at how quickly she could reinvent herself and how good she was at it.

And this Desmond and Danielle?" The Commander asked.

"This island has other people on it besides the survivors of flight 815. It's an unusual place. John, why don't you lead them back and fill them in on the island's more interesting attractions, maybe take them out to where Rousseau lives and see if you can convince her to come with us. Ka….ssie and I will collect our things and head back to camp. We'll fill everyone in on the rescue details." Jack suggested, fully back into his leadership role.

Locke looked at Jack, understanding that Jack wanted time to get to the other survivors and make sure they understood that Kate or Cassie was not on the plane. He wasn't sure he agreed with what Jack and Kate were doing, but Kate had been instrumental in their survival and he had no desire to see her arrested.

"Sounds like a good idea Jack. Gentlemen, if you will follow me I'll take you to Rousseau and fill you in on the highlights of our little island." John said and led the three men away.

Jack stood, watching them walk away, waiting until he was sure they were out of earshot. He finally turned to face her.

"Kate, do you think this is the best way to handle this?" Jack asked.

"If you want me to keep my promise to you Jack it's the only way." Kate told him.

"Kate I'm not sure I can go along with this. You're still running." Jack asked.

"You don't understand Jack. I am going to jail and there is nothing that you or your expensive lawyers can do to prevent it." She explained.

"How can you be so sure? What did you do Kate?" He asked.

"Not now Jack. Let's just get back to camp before Hurley blows my cover." Kate insisted and started to walk away. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

"No Kate. If I'm going to harbor a fugitive I think I deserve to know if I'm doing the right thing, if I really have no other options." He argued.

"Love isn't enough to make it the right thing Jack?" She snapped.

"What good is love without trust Kate? Do you not trust me enough to be completely honest with me?" He pushed.

"Fine Jack, you really want to know. I allowed my stinking drunk father to stumble into his bed and then left, knowing the house was full of gas and that the son-of-a-bitch would light a cigarette. He never knew what hit him." Kate admitted her words cold and unfeeling.

The admittance startled him a bit. She'd just told him that she blew her father up and didn't seem to have a hint of remorse in her voice. Was the marshal right? Was she really dangerous? No, he knew Kate and there had to be more and as he began to consider what it would take to drive this kind, caring woman to kill her father he suddenly began to understand.

"Why would you do that Kate?" He asked a trace of despair in his voice as he began to grasp the seriousness of the traumas she'd most likely known.

"What's the matter, am I not so loveable to you anymore Jack? Are you getting that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach? Can't handle knowing you've been fucking a cold blooded murderer?" She yelled and tried to push away from him.

He held tightly too her, pulling her close to him, not feeling stick to his stomach, but sad and angry over what he suspected had happened to her.

"Stop it Kate! You promised me you would stop running. I want to know why you did it. You don't just kill people in cold blood Kate, that much about you I do know. What did he do to you that made you want to kill him?" Jack asked still fighting against her efforts to get away from him.

"I hate you! Just let me go!" She screamed and beat on his chest as hard as should could.

"I'm not going to just let you go, not without a fight. Damn it Kate why do you have to make everything so difficult?" He asked, holding tightly to her wrists so she couldn't hit him anymore.

"Because it is difficult Jack and you know why. You've got ideas in your head right now, reasons why you think I might've done it and what you're thinking is right so why do I have to tell you about it? How am I supposed to believe you'd ever want to be intimate with me again knowing those disgusting details of my life?" She cried and finally stopped fighting him.

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, holding her closely, reassuring her, telling her that he was sorry, that he understood and that he loved her.

"Kate, this doesn't change my feelings for you. I can't imagine what it's been like for you and I want to help in any way I can. Please don't push me away." He said.

"Then let Kate Austen have died in the crash Jack. That's how you can help me. Let me have that fresh start you said we all deserved." She said.

"You don't want to try? I mean, you were a victim of abuse, it's got to count for something." He argued.

"Jack, I was in my twenties when I killed my dad, too old to still be his victim. I didn't do it just because I hated him and wanted him dead. I did it so he couldn't hit my mom anymore, but I did it for Julie more than anyone." Kate said.

"Who is Julie?" Jack asked.

"She's my kid sister. She's almost 10 years younger than me. I saw the way he was looking at her, the way he'd sneak into her bedroom to chat with her. It was all very familiar. I asked her what they talked about when he came to her room. She told me she didn't like it, that he'd been showing her pictures of other dad's with their daughters and that when he kissed her goodnight he put his tongue in her mouth. She was only 13 Jack, the same age I was when I became his special girl. I knew that my mom would hate her if she spoke up, wouldn't believe her, would tell her she was a little whore for turning daddy on and should just stay away from him." Kate sobbed into his chest.

He held onto her, rubbing his hands over her back, allowing her to cry for as long as she needed to. It was clear to him now. What Kate had done, she did out of love for someone else. He was never sure what his stance was on vigilante justice, but he understood what drove people to it and wasn't sure if he were on a jury if he could ever find a person guilty of murder for taking the law into their own hands. He'd seen so many children battered and broken at the hands of the very people who were supposed to keep them safe and had never handled it well. He remembered the night he'd been pulled off of a drunk father who had brought his ten year old daughter to the ER raped and dying from alcohol poisoning. He remembered how angry he'd been and how the desire to kill that man was not only in his head, but in his heart.

Jack did feel sick to his stomach now, the anger and rage over something he had no part in tearing at him, flashes of the cute toddler with his brown eyes going through his head, knowing the child was his and how crazy he'd be if anyone hurt her and he didn't even know her, hadn't had the chance to love her, yet he knew at that moment that if someone ever harmed her he'd be capable of murder and he knew what he had to do.

"I'm so sorry Kate and I'm sorry your mother turned her back on you, but I won't, I promise. It's going to be okay. Let's go back to our camp, introduce everyone to Cassie before John gets back with our rescuers." He told her.

"You don't have to do this Jack. I can disappear when we get to Hawaii and you can go back to your life." She told him backing away from him enough to look into his eyes, the eyes that were the windows to his soul and would always tell her his true feelings.

"You say that as if a life that doesn't include you is worth getting back to." He said.

"I'm serious Jack, you have to think about what could happen down the road." She argued still searching his eyes.

"I thought I was supposed to be living in the day, like there is no tomorrow." He shot back, making her smile.

"Just promise me something." Kate pleaded.

"Depends on what it is." He said.

"Promise me you'll think hard about this, no rash decisions." Kate asked.

He leaned in and kissed her, a deep, wet passionate kiss that took her breath away. He pulled back and continued to make eye contact with her and there it was, the sincerity, the genuine heartfelt honesty that always officially rubber stamped whatever he was about to say and she felt a warmth rush over her, knowing that he believed in her before he ever had a chance to verbalize it.

"There isn't anything to think about Kate. It's a Leap of Faith, something I'm not too familiar with, but maybe it's time I gave it a shot and I can't think of a better person to put my faith in." He told her and kissed her one more time.

They walked back to camp in silence. She was afraid, afraid the marshals would be waiting in Hawaii to see if their fugitive was one of the survivors. She was afraid of dragging Jack into her mess, but she was more afraid of trying to live without him. If she could pull it off, if she could get past the initial scanning of faces and names, she'd be free. Kate Austen would be dead and she could have her chance to start over, the chance Jack had suggested they all deserved long before he even really knew her and he was right, everyone deserves a second chance, even her.

By the time they had returned to camp all of the survivors were gathered on the beach, small piles that held their meager belongings beside them, waiting to be taken away from the nightmare they had all been living in. Jack spoke with Hurley, Sawyer and Sayid. They willingly went along with allowing Kate her opportunity at a fresh start and helped him spread the word. Jack wasn't surprised by the show of support for Kate. She'd been a friend to everyone. Nobody seemed to care about what Kate had done in the past, they only knew what she'd done in the five months they'd known her and were convinced that whatever she'd done, she wasn't a threat to anyone.

Jack led Kate to his shelter. They entered and sat down beside each other on the makeshift bed. He reached over in the corner and pulled out a wallet and a passport.

"Those yours?" She asked.

"Yeah, I don't know why I held onto them, I guess I wasn't ready to believe I was going to live out the remainder of my days here." He said.

"I'm scared Jack." She told him.

"I know, but I'm not. When I promised I would take care of you Kate, I meant it. I have cash and credit cards. I'm not going to check in with the airline officials. When we get to Hawaii, we'll just leave it all behind, go check into a hotel for awhile, let the buzz settle down and then we can fly back to Los Angeles." He said.

"You can't do that Jack. Your family and friends will be waiting to hear your name as one of those that survived. Don't make them accept your death twice." Kate argued.

"I'll give my passport to someone. They can let the airline people know I'm alive and not interested in letting them fly me home. I don't want to be part of this hoopla Kate. Once we leave I don't want to think about or talk about this place again. I just want to disappear with you and readjust to civilization in peace and quiet. I'll call my mom as soon as we find a hotel." He insisted.

"So what makes you think those credit cards are still good?" Kate asked.

"I doubt if anyone has cancelled any of my accounts. My mother wouldn't be ready to accept that reality yet and I'm sure has been preventing any attempts at my being declared dead, especially if there's a chance I might still be able to bring my father's body home." He explained the sarcasm at the end not lost on Kate.

"I'll have to contact an old friend, get some identification made up. I can't fly any place without some sort of identification. Do you really think this will work Jack?" She asked.

"Yeah I do. I think there is going to be so much excitement and shock over survivors being found that it will take a few days to get things straightened out. The feds are busy these days and while I'm sure the fate of one of their own will peak their interest, they will most likely take a wait and see approach, will assume if their marshal didn't make it then neither did his prisoner and that will be confirmed for them when your names don't appear on the list of survivors. Not to burst your bubble or anything Kate, but from what I've been able to gather from the marshal and from you, he was obsessed with catching you, but other than that, you are a blip on their radar, much bigger fish to fry, or at least that's what I'm hoping." Jack explained completely confident in what he was saying.

"You really think so?" She asked.

"Kate our government is so focused on preventing another 9/11 that a 120 pound fugitive from the Midwest is the least of their worries." He said.

"Excuse me, but I only weigh 115 pounds." She teased making him laugh.

"Well, we'll remedy that. I plan on making you fat and happy." He said and kissed her.

"Jack, what happens once we get back to Los Angeles? It all just seems too good to be true. It's like a fairy tale." Kate said.

"It's not a fairy tale and I'm not a prince or your hero Kate. Don't even go there. I'm just a guy trying to do the right thing by you. At this point, I don't really give a shit about what is legal, but what feels right. As for Los Angeles, well I don't know. Remember, one day at a time." He said.

"It's a fairy tale Jack because girls like me don't end up with guys like you." She argued.

"What do you mean girls like you? You shouldn't have such a low opinion of yourself Kate because you're pretty great. You're smart, funny, caring, generous, hard working, not to mention beautiful and incredibly sexy." He said lowering his voice for the last part and then whispering something into her ear.

"Jack!" She squealed and slapped his arm making him laugh.

"What? Your words Kate not mine. Of course when you said it, you were also begging me to make you co….." He teased and was silenced by her hand clamping over his mouth, making him laugh harder.

"Okay wise guy you've managed to take my mind off of one of the scariest moments of my life and that is one of the reasons why I adore you. You are always there to offer comfort, but I did not say that. I'm lady and a lady doesn't say such things." She told him and giggled.

"Huh, must've been the other beautiful, dark haired, green-eyed woman I was making love to all day yesterday." Jack teased.

"I love you Jack. No matter what happens I always will." She told him and kissed him.

"Nothing is going to happen Kate. Come on, let's go home." He said as he stood and offered her his hand.

Within six hours of their initial meeting, Locke came toward the beach with Rousseau and the three coast guard officers. Jack wondered if Locke had told them about the "Others" and the monsters in the jungle or if he'd decided those stories were better left untold. If it were up to Jack, he'd never talk about it to anyone, but this was one decision he wasn't going to make or try to influence in any way. They were all going back to their lives and didn't need a leader to tell them what to do anymore. It took four trips to get everyone onto the cutter, but they were on their way by the time the sun went down, most not looking back as the island slowly disappeared from their view.

They sat huddled together during the journey to Hawaii, talking about the first things they were going to do, who they were going to call, what they were going to eat and most agreed that a hot shower and a warm, comfortable bed in a room with air-conditioning would be the first thing they'd seek out.

Sayid went to each person, insisting that they never forget each other, that they make an effort to get together and gave them all the name of the website he would create so that they could remain in contact. Jack thought it was a nice gesture and agreed that they had shared an experience that should bond them all for life. He stood and walked around to talk with all of them one last time, even though they had no idea it would be the last time, assuming Jack would be with them until the ordeal was completely over and they were all safely on their way home. He told Sayid and Locke his plan and they assured him they'd make sure they all got taken care of and on their way. He couldn't believe how hard it was going to be to tell some of these people goodbye.

"John, here's one of my cards. If you ever want to find out why you can walk come and see me and I'll figure it out, on the house." Jack told him as he shook his hand and then the two men who had bumped heads often shared a quick hug.

"Thanks Jack, but maybe this is one of those things that is better left a mystery." John suggested.

"You're probably right John." Jack said and walked over to Claire, he sat beside her and put his arm around her.

"Are you going back to Australia?" Jack asked.

"Probably, that's where my mum is and my life." Claire answered.

"What about him? Does he fit in anywhere?" Jack asked nodding at Charlie.

"I don't know Jack. He wants to start over with his music in Los Angeles and he wants me to stay too if I'm interested. He says it can be just two friends helping each other out, but I'm not sure I believe him and I don't know how I really feel about him." Claire told him.

"So maybe you should give it a shot, maybe try to figure out how you feel about him." Jack offered.

"Maybe, but I have Aaron to think about, not just myself, so it's something I really need to think about." Claire said.

"I'm not qualified to offer advice on this sort of thing so I won't, but if you decide to stay in Los Angeles with Charlie, give me a call, I'd like to stay in touch." Jack told her and kissed her on the cheek before handing her one of the last of the business cards he had in his wallet.

He moved on to Hurley and Kate laughed when she saw him pull Jack into a great big bear hug.

He saved Sawyer for last, not sure what to say to him, but knowing he didn't want to just disappear without at least saying goodbye to him. He sat down beside him and realizing he wasn't going to get a response from him, decided to initiate the conversation.

"So, where is home for you?" Jack asked.

"I guess wherever the road takes me doc." Sawyer answered.

"I'm leaving as soon as the boat docks, me and Kate. We're going to disappear for awhile." He told him.

"So what, you want my blessing or something?" Sawyer growled making Jack laugh lightly.

"No Sawyer I just wanted to say goodbye and good luck." Jack said.

"Yeah, same to you doc." Sawyer answered.

"The thing with my dad, I uh………It meant……I mean you didn't have to……..you could've just…….hell Sawyer, it shouldn't be this difficult." Jack stumbled, frustrated that he couldn't just tell the man how much it had meant to him.

"Yeah doc, it should because we're too much alike. Once you peel back the layers we're not that different, hell the similarities would probably scare both of us." Sawyer told him.

"Maybe, but you should know that telling me those things, it was…." Jack continued to trip over his words and was finally interrupted by Sawyer.

"I get what you're trying to say. I didn't know you very well Jack, but I knew enough to realize you needed to hear that. I had a weak moment, don't make such a big deal out of it." Sawyer grumbled.

"Yeah okay, if you're ever in LA look me up, I'll take you to my favorite bar for a few games of poker." Jack offered making him laugh.

"Yeah right doc. I don't think our worlds will ever collide again, but thanks." Sawyer said.

"Suit yourself, but there are some really hot, nurses that love to come watch and console the loser." Jack told him.

"Wouldn't Freckles have a problem with you getting consoled?" Sawyer asked making him laugh.

"Good luck Sawyer." Jack said and held his hand out.

"Good luck Jack." Sawyer replied and shook his hand.

He made his way back over to Kate, sat down and pulled her into his lap, she straddled him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He looked at her, her hair was pulled up, stuffed up underneath a ball cap one of the coast guard men had given her.

"You look cute." He told her.

"The wind is brutal. Of course what would you know about wind-blown hair?" She teased.

"Nothing, I prefer it that way." He told her and kissed her.

"You mean you won't let your hair grow out for me?" She asked.

"No." He answered.

"Well that was certainly to the point. Do you have some mysterious hair issues Jack?" She asked.

"No, I have issues with hair gel, and brushes and blow dryers." He answered.

"How much longer before we get there?" She asked.

"They said about another hour. Can you believe in just an hour we'll be back in civilization? Cell phones, computers that don't need a button pushed every 108 minutes, pollution, noisy cars, television, a bath tub and a king sized bed." He rambled.

"Oh my god a hot bubble bath would be so awesome. You might never get me out." Kate sighed.

"I'll just climb in with you then." Jack said and kissed her again.

They docked late in the evening and with very little hoopla, most of the attention on making sure the survivors weren't in need of medical attention which Jack found amusing in an ironic sort of way. They were instructed to board the charter bus that was waiting in the parking lot that would take them to a hotel where representatives from Oceanic would be waiting to talk with them. Jack handed his passport to Sayid, put his arm around Kate's waist and they walked off into the night, unnoticed.

They walked for awhile and then hailed a cab. Jack climbed in and told the driver what hotel he wanted to go to and Kate looked at him with questioning eyes.

"I've vacationed here many times. It's a great resort and it's a long way from where that bus is taking the rest of them." Jack said.

"Did you vacation here with her?" Kate asked.

"Her? Sarah?" Jack asked.

"Yes her." Kate answered with a twinge of jealousy making him laugh.

"We got married here. Well, not here, on one of the smaller islands." Jack said.

"Of course you did." Kate replied biting back a smile.

"Yeah I know, the whole thing looked and felt like it walked off the pages of some bridal magazine, but it's what she wanted and it didn't really matter to me." Jack explained.

"It didn't matter to you?" Kate asked.

"No, weddings are definitely female-oriented events Kate. Men just show up when and where they're told so they can get to the good stuff." Jack laughed.

"The good stuff?" Kate asked.

"The booze and the honeymoon of course." Jack told her as an ornery grin spread across his face.

"So this resort we're going to, was it her favorite?" Kate asked making him laugh again.

"You sure are interested in Sarah and she's really not that interesting Kate." He said.

"Well, you love her. How do I know you won't be thinking about her when you're with me if everything is familiar?" Kate asked.

"I loved her Kate, but I don't anymore. I love you. When I'm with you, she is the last thing on my mind, believe me. Besides, she never came to this resort with me. I went to this resort with a buddy of mine once, kind of guy's weekend away thing." Jack assured her.

It took about 30 minutes for the cab to reach the resort. They stepped out and Jack handed the driver some cash and told him to keep the change. Kate looked around. It was beautiful and she wondered if the way they were dressed would get them turned away.

"Jack, this place must cost a fortune." Kate stated.

"Not really, come on let's go inside, get a room, tomorrow we can hit the shops and get some new clothes." Jack said.

"You better make sure your credit cards are good, we might be sleeping on the beach." Kate said.

"Oh well, it's not like we aren't used to that." Jack laughed.

They walked into the lobby. Most of the people walking around were dressed very casually to Kate's surprise. They approached the Concierge and Jack pulled out his wallet.

"I'm interested in a suite if you've got one." Jack told the man.

"Ocean view?" The concierge asked.

"Of course." Jack answered.

"How long will you and your wife being staying with us?" He asked.

"At least 2 weeks. Is that doable?" Jack asked.

"Of course Mr. Shephard, just let us know if you need to extend your stay." He said.

Jack watched him run the credit card and unconsciously held his breath. The man handed the card back to him

"Do you have any luggage sir?" The man asked looking around.

"No, the airlines lost it. I'm supposed to call them later and check on it. I guess we'll just have to go shopping if they don't find it." Jack lied.

"I'm sorry to hear that sir. Let us know if we can do anything to help you with that. Enjoy your stay." The man said and handed Jack two key cards to the suite.

"I will and thank you." Jack said and took the key cards from him.

He turned, wrapped his arm around Kate's waist and walked across the lobby to the elevator with her. They rode the elevator to the 3rd floor in silence. When it stopped he motioned for her to step out first and then followed.

"Such a gentleman. Since I'm your wife will you be carrying me across the threshold?" She teased getting a light laugh from him.

He inserted the key card and opened the doors to the suite. Before she had a chance to move she felt him sweep her up into his arms and carry her into the room, kicking the doors shut behind them. He carried her over to the bed and laid her down gently, following on top of her and kissing her deeply. He finally pulled back, smiled at her and then pulled himself up off the bed.

"Hungry?" He asked.

"Maybe a little, but…………" She started to answer, but stopped when her eyes landed on the Jacuzzi tub in the corner of the room.

"What?" He asked and followed her gaze.

"Oh my god Jack, I have to fill that up and climb in now." She told him making him laugh.

"It does look good. A bath in warm water, who knew it could be such a luxury." He commented.

She pulled herself up off the bed and stood face to face with him, grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling his face down to hers, kissing him and then wrapping her arms around his lower torso, pulling him close to her, resting her head on his chest.

"Thank you Jack." She said softly her voice cracking, causing him to rub his hand gently over her back.

He stopped rubbing her back and pushed her back just enough to make her look up at him. He brought his mouth down and kissed her, gently pushing his tongue into her mouth and pulling her into him again. He continued to kiss her, walking her slowly across the room, stopping at the foot of the bed. He stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes and without breaking eye contact lifted her shirt up and over her head. He reached behind her and unfastened her bra, bringing his fingertips to her shoulders and lightly pushing the straps off her shoulders and down her arms, the feel of his hands sending shivers down her spine.

She reached out and pulled his shirt up and off, sliding her hands down his muscular arms and then over his chest, slowly gliding them down to his waist band. He grabbed her hands gently and pushed them away, letting his own hands find the waistband of her jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them before sliding down to his knees in front of her and then pulling her pants and panties down, helping her step out of them.

He slowly kissed his way up her thighs, his hands moving softly over the inside of her thighs, his breath on her crotch briefly as he continued to kiss his way up her stomach and then over her breasts, taking one nipple into his mouth while pinching the other one between his thumb and index finger. She moaned and pushed her body forward needing contact. He held her off and moved his mouth to the other breast while letting his hand glide down, slipping between her legs making her whimper and move her legs a little further apart. She felt him insert one finger, then two followed by a third before closing his mouth over hers, hungrily kissing her while he moved his fingers in and out of her at a hard and eager pace as she began to pant and plead for him not to stop. She broke the kiss and put her arms around his neck, leaning into him, no longer able to hold her weight up without assistance. He held onto her with one arm while his hand continued to work its magic, bringing her to a powerful orgasm, his own need becoming painful as his hand absorbed the heat and wetness emanating from her loin.

She held onto him, her now hot, sweaty body pressed into his, waiting for the strength to return to her legs. She could feel his need pressed up against her and moved herself slowly up and down and over him, making him groan, pulling her tight against him and then gasping as he fought to regain control. He was teetering as she began to slither slowly down his chest and abdomen taking a brief moment to let her hot breath hover over the top of the waist line of his jeans, noticing the slight jerk in his body when she did so. He was caught up in the desire, his head and body swimming and completely at her mercy. She unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, sliding them and his boxers slowly down his hips, as she went down with them, she too helping him step out of them. She moved back up, taking him into her hand as she ran her tongue over his balls, kissing and sucking on them gently while her thumb and index finger applied enough pressure to hold him off.

He was breathing hard and found it difficult to speak, what she was doing to him making it difficult to stand. She pushed him backwards slowly until the back of his legs hit the foot of the bed and he gave into it and sat down, her following and pushing his torso back until he was laying flat on the bed. She moved her tongue up his length, swirling her tongue around the tip before taking him into her mouth as far as she could, repeating the process until she was in a rhythm, a rhythm he tried to disturb, but was unsuccessful.

"Kate, I can't hold off any longer." He panted, giving her the chance to pull away.

She ignored him and continued on, making him crazy and finally making him lose control.

She crawled up beside him and snuggled up next to him, both hot and sweaty and in a state of bliss.

He moved his hand gently up and down her arm.

"Are you ready for that bath now?" He asked and let go of an exhausted, but happy laugh.

They soaked together in the hot water and bath oils, taking turns washing each other's backs, him gently washing her hair, his strong hands massaging her scalp nearly putting her to sleep, adding more hot water when it would start to cool down and then eventually making love before stepping out and putting on the clean, white robes that came with the room.

They sat on the sofa that was in the room, her curled up in his lap while he tried to get used to using a remote control again. He found the menu for room service and ordered them more food than they would be able to consume in a week, but he didn't care, he was actually going to enjoy eating again and maybe he'd never have room to consume the ice cream and sundae toppings, but he could think of other uses for that.

He continued to flip through the channels and finally stopped as news of the rescued survivors was flashing across the screen. They showed footage of the survivors stepping off of the bus and entering the hotel, most of them doing their best to avoid having their faces shown on television, not interested in being the current headline. The channel was a national news network and he knew it was just a matter of time before his family and friends heard.

"I should call my mother." He mumbled.

"You should. She's probably wondering whether to be happy or sad." Kate offered.

"That would be a normal state of mind for my mom, but I'll call her anyway." Jack said with a half-hearted laugh.

"Did you not get along with either one of your parents Jack?" Kate asked.

"I got along with both of them for the most part. I just never measured up." Jack answered.

"I think you're parents must've had ridiculously high expectations, because if I ever had a son I'd be thrilled if he managed to grow up to be half the man you are." Kate told him and kissed him.

"Yeah, but you're a little biased I think." Jack said and winked at her.

He moved her out of his lap and walked over to the phone. He stared at it for a moment.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, I'm just trying to remember the number and trying to figure out what to say." Jack answered.

"She'll be so happy to hear your voice Jack, it won't matter." Kate told him.

Jack smiled at her, wishing he was a confident as she was about how his mother would react. He loved his mom and she loved him, but they weren't close. He had always been the thing that stole all of daddy's attention, leaving none for her and there were times when he could tell his mother resented him for being the most important thing in his father's life, well the most important thing after Christian Shephard of course. Jack laughed as he thought about the situation with his parents.

"What's funny?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking that my parents were two people who never should've reproduced." Jack answered.

"I don't agree. You are definitely someone who is here for a reason Jack. For some of us the reason isn't obvious, but it is with you." She offered.

"You're kind of freaking me out with the idol worship comments Kate. I don't want to be that person in your eyes." He told her.

"You're not, you're as fucked up as I am in a lot of ways, but you are good man Jack and apparently a good doctor. It's not idol worship, just the truth." She shot back in her 'quit beating yourself up over shit you can't control' tone she'd used with numerous times on the island, making him smile and pick up the phone.

She watched him study the instructions on the phone briefly before finally punching in the numbers. He sat back and sighed heavily, waiting for an answer at the other end. She tried to focus on the television and not listen to his side of the conversation, but it didn't work.

"Mom, its Jack."

"No, it's not a joke."

"I know mom, but it's over now. Are you okay?"

"I'm in Hawaii."

"I'm not coming home right away. I need some time and I need you to not talk to reporters if they start bothering you."

"Mom please, I just need a couple of weeks to pull myself together and I don't want to be part of the media circus. I'm asking as your son to please just give me some time and keep this between us."

"Of course I want to see you, but I just need some time, you have no idea what we've been through."

"I don't care about the hospital mom."

"I know I have responsibilities, but a couple of more weeks aren't going to matter."

"As soon as I get back we'll make all the arrangements. Okay?"

"There's nothing to tell mom, he died of a heart attack. Nobody needs to know what brought it on. Why would you think I would be eager to share that information?"

"Yeah that's right mom, I never cared about him, wasn't proud of him and would love nothing more than to tarnish his reputation one last time. You've got me all figured out."

Kate could hear his voice starting to crack as the conversation steered toward the emotional subject of his father.

"Can we please not do this? I called because I thought you might want to know that your only son is alive. I can't deal with all this other stuff right now."

"What about Sarah?"

"And you just went along with that?"

"I didn't know mom. She told me the night before I left for Sydney."

"If its okay with you and Sarah, I'll have my own tests run as soon as I get home."

"Of course I want to get to know her, but I haven't been a part of her life for two fucking years mom, what difference does another two weeks make!"

"Sorry."

"No, I'm not mad at you."

"Okay, as soon as I get home. I promise. You'll keep this between us right. Don't tell anyone where I'm at. I need some time."

"Thank you."

"Yeah, I miss him too mom."

"I love you too. Bye."

She watched him hang the phone up, run his hands over his head, jerk the phone out of the wall and throw it across the room. After listening to his half of the conversation she began to understand why Jack was the way he was, why he was always so hard on himself and seemed to hold himself responsible for everything that went wrong. She walked over to him and sat down beside him.

"You okay?" She asked.

He put his arm around her and pulled her close.

"As long as you've got my back Kate, I'll be fine." He told her and kissed her.

Room service brought their feast and they took their time sampling everything they had gone months without, avoiding anything to do with fruits, vegetables, pork or fish, amazed at how good French fries and ketchup tasted again.

They climbed into their king-sized bed, snuggled up together on the comfortable mattress and continued to watch the news coverage hoping to hear some news about who survived and who didn't, hoping that there would mention of the marshal and the fugitive that didn't make it. Jack wondered where Michael was and if he was watching the news. Would he resort to hunting all of them down and killing them so his secret would be safe or was Michael under the influence of something nobody understood, something the island or The Others were doing to him? Jack preferred to try to believe the latter, it was easier than accepting the reality of what happened.

Kate had fallen asleep almost immediately, but he found it difficult to turn off his brain. Heartache and insanity was waiting for him in Los Angeles and Kate was going to get caught in the middle of it. She was one of the strongest women he'd ever know and he felt she could handle it, but he just wasn't sure if he could. Surely after what he'd just survived, a neurotic mother, an ex-wife with an agenda and returning to a hospital where the ghost of his father would surely roam the halls couldn't prove to be too much for him could it?

"Live in the day Jack." He mumbled.

That was the last clear thought he had as his tired brain finally gave in and sleep overcame him.


	10. Chapter 10

Kate awoke the next morning, confused at first, but then slowly remembering the events of the night before. She could feel his comforting arms wrapped around her and could hear him breathing, long peaceful deep breaths that indicated he was sleeping as well at the moment as she'd ever known him to sleep in the time she'd known him. Other than the time she'd drugged him, his sleep was typically broken and fitful as if his brain would never completely shutdown and allow himself to become unaware, always ready to open his eyes and be alert, ready for whatever crisis came next.

But this morning he was relaxed, a relaxed she'd never seen and she wasn't going to disturb him. She slowly eased herself out of his clutches and watched him stir before turning onto his stomach and continuing to sleep. She pulled the covers over him and walked over to where he'd tossed his jeans the night before. She reached in for his wallet and removed one of the key cards, but not before taking a moment to peek at his driver's license. She rolled her eyes and tossed the jeans back onto the floor.

"He even managed to take a perfect driver's license picture. Figures." Kate mumbled to herself.

She slipped on her strewn clothes and headed to the door in search of coffee and a newspaper. She opened the door to the suite and a newspaper was lying in front of the door. She glanced down and felt the familiar panic, the dread, the need to bolt. On the front page of the paper was her mug shot, the same one the marshal had shown Jack their first days on the island. Beside her picture was Jack's picture, she guessed the photo from his passport. She picked the paper up and closed the door, walking over to the couch and sitting down to read, even though she knew what it was going to say.

She was a fugitive and possibly dangerous. She was last seen on the Coast Guard Cutter. The crew was shown her mug shot a few hours after they had docked. The Commander recognized her as the woman who had introduced herself as Cassie and claimed to have been ship wrecked. They had scoured the hotel where the rest of the survivors had been taken, but there was no sign of her and one of the other survivors was missing as well, described by the other survivors as the man who had taken care of all them during their time on the island. The survivors claimed they did not know anyone named Kate Austen and that the man who had taken care of them, Jack Shephard, just wanted to disappear and not have to answer a bunch of questions. Both Kate Austen and Jack Shephard were wanted by the authorities.

The last line jumped out at her. She looked over to the bed where Jack was still sleeping. She'd managed to drag another man down with her. He didn't deserve this.

"You aren't going to get hurt because of me Jack." She mumbled and left the room.

Kate returned to the room about 15 minutes later. She picked up Jack's clothes and put them on the foot of the bed. She crawled onto the bed and shook him until his eyes opened. He smiled at her, turned his head in the other direction and tried to go back to sleep.

"Jack, I'm sorry, but you need to get up." She told him, brushing her hand lightly over his cheek getting no response from him.

She got closer, moving her mouth to his ear.

"You have to wake up now Jack. There's not much time. You need to get dressed before they get here." She told him.

He lay still, eyes closed, awake but not moving, listening to her attempts to wake him. Her last sentence got all of his attention and he rolled over onto his back.

"Before who gets here?" He asked.

"Listen to me Jack, you have to get dressed and you have to listen to me carefully. Are you awake?" She asked.

"Kate, what's going on?" Jack asked fully awake and sitting up.

"They know Jack. They know I lied to the coast guard about my name. They know I'm with you. I won't let you get hurt." Kate told him her voice cracking, tears forming.

"Kate, what are you talking about? Who knows?" Jack asked pulling on his jeans and reaching for his shirt.

"The Federal Marshals Jack. They know. They are here. You have to listen to me. You knew I would run so you brought me here to convince me to turn myself in. Okay? You weren't trying to help me run." Kate pleaded with him, tears streaming down her face.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, moving his hands over her back, his mind reeling, trying to process the craziness and understand what she was telling him and it finally dawned on him, she had called and turned herself in.

"Kate, what did you do?" He asked not wanting to hear the truth.

"I had to Jack. I couldn't let you get hurt because of me and I promised you I would stop running. They're coming to get me and I told them you weren't helping me run, you were trying to keep me from running." She explained.

"Kate, why didn't you talk to me first?" He asked his own tears forming.

"It's the right thing to do Jack, I won't let you ruin your life for me. I love you and I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt because of me. Promise me you will tell them you convinced me to turn myself in." Kate begged.

"Kate, I………" Jack stuttered tears streaming down his face.

"Damn it Jack! Promise me!" She screamed.

"Okay, I promise." He cried and held onto her trying to collect himself, to think rationally and to figure out what to do next. He finally pulled away, holding her by the arms, looking right at her.

"Kate, look at me." He ordered.

She looked up him and his heart shattered into a million pieces. Her once sparkling eyes were cloudy and red, her beautiful face tear-streaked and frightened, all traces of the once vibrant woman gone.

"I'm not giving up on you. Do you hear me? Don't you dare give up and don't say anything to them. I'm going to find the best attorney available and we're going to fight this." Jack told her.

"Jack please, just try to move on. I'm not worth….." She started to object, silenced by him kissing her.

"Don't ever say that again. Kate, promise me you won't say anything or admit to anything until the attorney I hire talks to you. Please, the Kate I know wouldn't just give up." He tried to convince her, his eyes bearing down on her, the pain and the fear that was in them just a moment ago replaced by determination.

"I promise." She said.

"I'm going to take care of everything Kate and when this is all over you're never going to have to run or look over your shoulder again." He told her and pulled her into his chest again, feeling her wrap her arms around his lower torso, hanging on for dear life.

"I guess I was more than just a blip on their radar huh?" She said softly.

"I guess I was naïve to believe otherwise. I'm sorry Kate." He said.

"Don't be sorry Jack. Last night was wonderful and I'll have the last few weeks we've been together to hold onto, keep me from feeling lonely or feeling sorry for myself." She told him.

"You'll have me Kate. Wherever they take you, I'll be there as much as I can." He promised.

"Jack, don't………" She started to argue, but was interrupted by the loud knock on the door.

They walked to the door together and opened it. Both were immediately descended upon and taken down to the floor, hands pulled behind their backs and handcuffed.

"Don't, he didn't do anything." Kate protested.

"You let us decide what he's guilty or not guilty of sweetheart." The marshal told her and pulled her to her feet.

They were led out of the hotel, put into the back seat of two separate cars and driven to a police station where they were put into separate rooms and asked questions. Jack had done as Kate requested and told them he was keeping her from running and convincing her to turn herself in. He supposed it wasn't a complete lie and knew he was of better use to her out of jail and fighting for her, realizing he was probably the first person that ever had. The idea of that made him sad and then it made him angry and determined to do everything he could to help her get out of this mess with as little jail time as possible. He sat in an interrogation room waiting to find out if he was going to be charged or sent on his way. The door opened and one of the marshals that had brought them in entered the room.

"Well, Dr. Shephard it looks like your girlfriend is going to confirm your story. Tell me something, what does a successful, law abiding citizen like yourself see in her?" The marshal asked.

Jack didn't respond.

"I mean she's a babe no doubt about that, but is that piece of ass really worth your medical career?" The marshal taunted.

"Are we done? Are you going to arrest me? Do I need to get a lawyer?" Jack asked refusing to take the bait knowing that throwing a punch at a Federal marshal would serve no useful purpose.

"The others, they had nothing but praise when they talked about you, how you took care of all of them, fought for them and kept a hysterical situation calm. Is that what it is with Kate? Still taking care of her? She's using you, don't you know that? She's never done anything for anyone that didn't benefit her some how, she's selfish and she'll drag you down with her. How can a smart man like yourself not see that?" The marshal asked trying to get under Jack's skin, push him over the edge, make him admit to what he and Kate really had planned.

"Maybe I do see it, but just didn't want to see her get hurt, gunned down by some over zealous cowboy with a badge." Jack responded sarcastically.

"You fuck all the people you don't want to see get hurt before you turn them in?" The marshal asked seeing the rage in Jack's eyes briefly before Jack shifted his gaze down to the table.

Jack saw the look in the marshal's eyes and recognized the game all too well. After all he had been raised by the master manipulator and had learned to recognize when his mind was being fucked with. So, he absorbed the man's last comment, let it bounce right off and looked back up, relaxed and in control.

"I wouldn't know." Jack answered calmly taking the marshal by surprise. He bent down until he was in Jack's face.

"You wouldn't know? Please, you were pounding that so hard she probably had trouble walking this morning. I bet she's really good huh, a real wildcat between the sheets?" He continued to taunt.

Jack didn't respond and offered nothing more than a bored look for the marshal.

"Answer me damn it! She's got you by the balls doesn't she?" The marshal demanded.

Jack continued to look at the man, refusing to respond to his questions.

"So are you going to arrest me or what?" Jack asked.

"No, you're free to go, but let my give you some advice Dr. Shephard. Go home and forget about her. She's bad news." The marshal insisted.

"I only know the Kate that helped everyone survive on the island and she's not the least bit scary. Can I see her before I go? Tell her goodbye." Jack requested.

"No you can't. She's in federal custody now and we'll be transporting her back to the mainland soon." The marshal said.

"Where are taking her if you don't mind my asking?" Jack asked.

"Why? You going to follow her there? Try to help her escape? End up dead with a bullet in your chest like the last doctor friend of hers that tried to help her." The marshal grumbled.

"She told me about that. It was unfortunate. So are you taking her back to Iowa? Has she even been arraigned yet?" Jack asked.

"Yes, that's where she's going and no, she's never been arraigned. We've never been able to catch her long enough to get her into a court room." The marshal complained catching a hint of a smile on Jack's face.

"You think this is funny Dr. Shephard?" The marshal asked.

"No, no. I'm sorry, I was just remembering how she was on the island, restless, could never sit still, always in the middle of whatever was going on, trying to help even when she was asked not to follow. Like I said, it's the only Kate I know." Jack explained.

"Aw, well ain't that sweet. Like I said, go home. Forget about her. You're free to go and a smart man would go straight to the airport and go home, keep his nose clean." The marshal warned.

"I'll take that under advisement." Jack said and stood to leave the room.

"Could you please give her a message for me?" Jack asked.

"Sure, what, you want me to tell her you love her?" The marshal sighed.

"No, tell her to hang on and remember how to count to five, help is on the way." Jack told him.

"What the hell does that mean?" The marshal asked.

"She'll know what it means and don't look so worried, it's not secret code for her next escape, she's done running." Jack told him and left the room.

The marshal walked out into the hallway and watched the confident doctor walk away wondering what it was about Kate Austen that seemed to turn intelligent men into babbling idiots. He walked down the hall to the room where Kate was being kept and entered, closing the door behind him hard, making her jump.

"Well your boyfriend is gone Kate. Happy?" The marshal asked.

"Yes. He didn't do anything." Kate answered quietly.

"Oh, he had a message for you. He said you should hang on and remember to count to five. He said help is on the way." The marshal told her his words dripping with sarcasm.

Kate smiled, remembering the first time he'd told her about counting to five.

"Yeah Kate, you've got him snowed and he thinks he's going to save you, but you and me, we know better don't we? It's over. You're finally going to jail." He taunted her, his face just inches from her.

"It's okay. I'm ready to go to jail. I'm done running." She said confidently.

Jack exited the police station to find reporters outside waiting to pounce on him. He was immediately annoyed, but then realized he could use them to his advantage and calmly answered all of their questions, assuring them that it was a big misunderstanding, that Kate wasn't dangerous or a criminal and that he'd taken off with her to convince her to turn herself in so she could finally clear her name. He followed that with tales from the island, answering questions about how the others had spoken about him and letting them know the role Kate played in not only keeping the others fed and safe, but in keeping him from losing his sanity.

He hated that his face would be plastered all over the news, that he would most likely be sentencing the rest of the survivors to an endless line of reporters wanting to know about the island adventures and especially about Kate Austen, the alleged dangerous criminal. He hated doing it, but if it got the word out and turned Kate into a plane crash survival heroine being unjustly accused it gave Kate a chance and that was his only focus at the moment.

He finally made it into the back of a taxi that would take him to the airport. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, thinking about what he'd just done and then chuckled as he imagined the look on his mother's face when she tuned into the national news and discovered her son had been harboring a fugitive.

He decided he'd call her after he got his flight booked and try to explain, even though he knew she'd never understand because she wouldn't want to. Her mind was closed to the subject of him being with any other woman, but the mother of his two year old daughter. She'd tried to convince him of that last night, but he'd cut her off. He would continue to cut her off where that subject was concerned. He and Sarah were over and had been since the night she admitted her infidelity to him. He could've forgiven her if he'd been given the chance and that was what hurt him more than anything, the fact that she didn't love him enough to try, to choose him over the guy she was screwing around with. There is no real love left after something like that, intellectually he knew that, it just took his heart awhile to catch up. He guessed his inability to perform the night before he left for Sydney was his heart finally catching up, realizing that the woman he had once cared so much about, that could excite him and make him want to spend countless hours making love to, was finally repulsive to him.

He hoped that for the sake of the innocent child caught in the middle of their mess they could find a way to get along. He would have the appropriate tests run when he got home, but he knew the child was his. He knew the night he saw the picture and saw his own eyes looking back at him. He could still recall every detail of that picture vividly. It was one of the things that had kept him going on the island, fighting to survive so that he might have the chance to know her and love her and be the kind of parent he wished he'd known while growing up. Being allowed to know his daughter without it turning into a battle of wills with her mother and grandmother was going to be a neat trick if he could pull it off.

"Jesus Jack, why do you always let your plate get so full?" He mumbled to himself.

He arrived at the airport about an hour after he'd left the police station. He booked a flight for Los Angeles that wouldn't leave until the next day so he found a hotel close by and checked in for the night. He decided he would call his mom and get it over with. He sighed heavily and punched the numbers in.

"Hey mom." Jack said.

"Jack, where are you? Are you out of your mind son? Have you seen the news, the newspapers?" She scolded him.

"I don't want to talk about it right now. My flight lands at LAX at 3:30 PM tomorrow. If you want to meet me fine, if not I'll take a cab and come by and see you after I pick my car up. Is my car and my condo and my life still intact?" Jack asked keeping his voice flat and calm.

"Your life wasn't intact when you left, but yes all of your assets are still yours. Jack, I want you to tell me what is going on between you and this fugitive." She demanded.

"No, we aren't going to talk about it right now." Jack refused.

"Is this woman someone you care about? Is that why you tried to hide her?" She asked.

"Yes, I care very much about her." Jack answered sighing heavily.

"Are you sleeping with a criminal Jack?" She asked.

"When did my sex life become your business mom?" Jack asked his tone now agitated.

"You were raised better than that son. How could you take up with a common criminal, a white trash tramp from the Midwest." She spewed hatefully.

"How can you say that? You don't even know her!" Jack snapped.

"No, but I know you. You're soft, easy to manipulate and always ready to befriend any stray that crawls out of the gutter. I suppose you're going to tell me you're in love with her next." She badgered.

"Fine, yes mom, I'm in love with her. Your son the doctor is carrying on with a fugitive, good god what will they be saying at the country club." He shot back sarcastically.

"They'll probably say the same things they used to say about your father when he couldn't keep from straying." She accused.

"Don't. Don't compare me to him. I never cheated on my wife." Jack said hatefully, wishing he could take it back as soon as he said it.

"I'm sorry, that was out of line. I don't want to do this mom. I'm coming home tomorrow. I thought I'd let you know. I'm hanging up now." Jack said softly, defeated, tired of battling with her, noticing that she didn't seem to be able to stand him, her words toward him more angry and spiteful than he remembered. Of course she hated him. She blamed him for his father's death.

Jack put the phone down, too emotionally drained to care how his mother did or didn't feel about him. He thought about Kate and how alone and frightened she must be. He would call his attorney as soon as got home and find the best available to look into her case and make arrangements to fly to Iowa to see her as soon as possible. Ex-wives, children, his work and his mother would have to wait. Kate was the priority right now. He was antsy, couldn't stand sitting still doing nothing while Kate was locked in a cell, her future in his hands. He picked up the phone again and punched some numbers in.

"Mike? How's it going? It's Jack Shephard."

"Jack, I can't believe what I've been seeing on the news and reading in the paper, but I'm glad to hear your voice. We thought we'd lost one of the really good guys for sure." Mike said.

"Yeah it's pretty crazy huh? Listen, I'll be home tomorrow, we can go grab a beer and I'll tell you all about it, but right now I need a favor. I need Walter Zito's number."

"One of the survivors filing a malpractice suit against you?" Mike joked.

(Laughs) "No, no island malpractice. I need some advice." Jack told him.

"It wouldn't have anything to do with that pretty woman you've been pictured all over the place with would it?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, it's about her and I'll tell you all about it over the beer, but I really need Walter's number right now." Jack said.

Mike gave Jack the number and they exchanged a few friendly comments before saying their goodbyes. Jack immediately called Walter Zito, the attorney who represented the hospital he worked for. He explained the situation to Walter and asked him if he could recommend a good criminal attorney. Walter generously offered to make some phone calls and have someone check into Kate's situation.

Jack felt better. The wheels were turning and they'd be ready to help Kate before she had a chance to feel like he'd forgotten about her. He worried she might fall into that frame of mind and he couldn't blame her if she did. The people in her life that were supposed to love her had abused her trust about as badly as you can abuse a person's trust. He wasn't sure how he had managed to gain her trust, but was reasonably sure that if he let her sit for too long she'd start to question his sincerity.

He ordered room service and spent the evening locked in his room, not wanting to deal with the stares and the questions. He was miserable, dying inside, but had managed to keep himself busy enough most of the day so he wouldn't be able to think about her, miss her, ache for her. He was idle now though and he couldn't turn it off. She was in his thoughts and he could still smell her on him. He pushed his untouched food aside and lay on the bed, hugging the extra pillow to his chest, hurting like he could never remember hurting. Not even when Sarah had dropped the mother of all bombs on him had he hurt this bad. He wasn't sure how long he lay there, broken and sobbing like a fool before his brain finally allowed him to sleep. He only remembered dreaming about her and waking up alone and angry, his head pounding, not wanting to leave the bed of depression he was currently laying in.

The ringing telephone snapped him out of the private pity party he was throwing for himself. It was Walter and he'd found a guy who had been involved in many cases like Kate's and had success with most of them. Jack was to meet with him at 6PM in his office the next day. Jack wrote down the information and hung up the phone, reenergized and refocused on helping Kate.

He grabbed his wallet, checked out of the hotel and took a cab to the airport. His plane actually boarded on time and there were lots of looks, finger pointing and whispering. He noticed that two people had actually requested another flight, too superstitious to be on the same plane with him. He was amused by that. What were the odds that a person would be in two plane crashes in one lifetime? Surely flying on the same plane as Jack Shephard was a guarantee that you'd arrive at your destination safely.

He'd managed to doze off, awakened by the jarring of the plane when the wheels touched down. He was home. He had imagined this moment for over five months, but he never imagined he'd be this miserable and lonely. He sat and watched everyone leave the plane, waiting to be the last person off, hoping he wouldn't be recognized. He sighed heavily, unhooked his seatbelt and began walking down the aisle of the plane. He neared the exit and could see the crew in their usual spots spewing their rehearsed courtesies to the passengers as they walked by. As he approached the exit the pilot held his hand out to him.

"Good luck to you sir, I'm happy to have been the one that got you home safely." The pilot said.

"Thanks." Jack said softly and shook his hand.

Jack finally made his way through the gate opening into the terminal. The first thing he saw was Sarah, coming toward him, tears streaming down her cheeks, holding a sleeping child in her arms. He wasn't sure who he was expecting to meet when he walked off the plane, but was sure that this scenario never crossed his mind. He walked up to her, dressed in his dirty worn out island attire.

"Sarah, what the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm happy to see you too Jack. God, we all thought you were dead. Is that the best you have to offer?" Sarah asked.

"I'm sorry. I've had a really bad couple of days not to mention the last five months." He said and hugged her briefly and kissed her on the cheek.

"I like the clothes." She teased.

"Yeah, I know. I haven't had time to worry about my clothes. Sarah, why are you here and why are you crying?" He asked.

"I told your mother I would meet you. I have something…….I mean I need to. I don't know how to say this. Can you take her a minute? I have something for you." She stammered and pushed the sleeping child into his arms.

He settled the little girl, making sure she was comfortable, letting her head rest on his upper chest, watching Sarah suspiciously. She was acting very strange, either that or he'd just been away too long and the normal her seemed strange to him. Either way it didn't feel right.

"What's going on Sarah?" He asked.

"I need you to take her Jack." Sarah said as her eyes filled with tears again.

"What? No. Sarah here, take her right now." Jack ordered and tried to pass the child back to her.

Sarah backed away, refusing to take the child back from him. She pulled an envelope out of her purse and shoved it into the side of the small backpack that was holding the child's immediate belongings.

"I can't do it Jack. I have to leave. I messed up everything. She'll be okay with you, better off probably." Sarah cried.

"Sarah no, I can't do this right now. Besides, you don't even know if she's my daughter." He seethed through angry clenched teeth, trying to let her know how pissed off he was without screaming and waking the child.

"She's yours Jack, god, just look at her. If that isn't enough to convince you the results of the paternity test are in that envelope along with her birth certificate and medical records. She is your daughter Jack in many ways. She's so smart and gentle and caring. I see so much of you in her and I know I really blew it Jack. I don't deserve her and she deserves better than me." Sarah insisted as the tears continued to flow.

"Stop it. I'm not buying it Sarah. Why are you really doing this? All you ever wanted was a baby. Now that you've got one you're just going to toss her away like you did our marriage?" He asked, so crazed with anger he wanted to back hand her.

"I can't Jack. I'm leaving. My flight leaves soon. Your car is in the parking garage. Her car seat is in it and a few of her toys. Take her with you Jack, make a home for her. I'm sorry. I know this is a bad time, but I have to go." Sarah cried.

"A bad time? Are you fucking serious? What am I supposed to tell her when she starts asking for her mother? I don't even know her name Sarah and you just expect me to flip a switch and be her father?" Jack continued to fight with her.

"Her name is Riley. Riley Dawn Shephard." Sarah told him, her face covered with tears.

"You gave her my last name while you were still with him?" Jack asked.

"We weren't married and he didn't want a baby. I knew she was your daughter Jack. I lied to you that morning. The pregnancy test wasn't negative. I have to get away Jack. I just can't be her mother." Sarah cried.

"You leave Sarah and you don't come back. Do you understand?" Jack told her.

"I knew you'd feel that way. Just please don't ever tell her that I didn't love her because that's not true. I'm doing this because I love her." Sarah explained.

"Shut up. You don't love anyone or anything but yourself and as far as this little girl is concerned her mother is dead. It's better to let her believe that instead allowing her to know the truth." Jack shot back the disgust and anger he felt toward her hanging heavy in his words.

She looked at him and it saddened her to see the way he was looking at her. She never imagined she'd be able to make Jack see her with nothing but contempt in his heart.

"I'm sorry Jack. You'll always hold a special place in my heart. Hopefully you'll be able to forgive me some day." Sarah told him and brushed the side of his face gently with her hand causing him to violently push her hand away.

"Go to hell!" He fumed.

The words and the hatred they were delivered with stung, but what did she expect? That he'd be thrilled to have a child dumped in his lap before he'd even had a chance to catch his breath. She leaned in to kiss her daughter on the cheek and he pulled her back, not allowing her to get near her.

"Just go." He ordered.

She turned and walked away from them. He stood in the airport terminal in the clothes he'd had on for days, unshaven, emotionally spent and suddenly responsible for another human being. He looked down at the sleeping child, so innocent and trusting and it made him sad to think that whatever world she was used to, that she woke up in this morning, would suddenly be gone when she woke up from her nap, just ripped away from her. She'd be so confused and probably scared. What was he going to do with her? He didn't know how to take care of a two year old.

While he watched her, deep in thought, wondering what to do next she began to squirm in his arms. She lifted her head for a moment and looked at him through sleepy eyes. He shifted her in his arms so her head could rest on his shoulder. He felt her wrap her arms around his neck, holding tightly and then nuzzle in closer to his neck, letting her head rest on his shoulder and then finally closing her eyes again. He sighed and kissed the top of her head gently.

"Well Riley, I'm not sure what we're going to do or how you're going to like hanging out with me, but I guess we'll figure this out one day at a time." He said softly and began walking out of the terminal.


	11. Chapter 11

Sarah had written down the parking location of Jack's car on a slip of paper and handed that to him when she handed him the keys. Riley began to wake up while he was making the journey to his car. She popped her head up, looking sleepy and confused and then looked around. Jack began to panic. If she started screaming they would think he was kidnapping her or something. She brought her gaze back to him.

"Hi." She said in a young, but strong voice.

"Hi." He replied in a soft, kind voice trying not to scare her.

"Where's mommy?" She asked, pronouncing the words very clearly. Sarah was right, she was bright, either that or the majority of two year olds he'd been around were speech impaired.

"Mommy isn't here right now. I'm Jack." He explained wondering if the child could sense he was so nervous he was about to throw up.

"No Jack. Daddy." She protested.

"That's right. I'm your daddy." Jack said and punched the button on the key ring to unlock the doors to his car.

"Nice Sarah. What'd you do, make her look at pictures of me every day, as if that was going to make this any easier on her." Jack mumbled under his breath.

He put Riley into the child safety seat that was in the back seat of his car and stared at the straps and buckles, not quite sure what went where.

"Come on Jack, you've got a wall full of degrees, surely you can figure this out." He continued to talk to himself.

"I want mommy." Riley demanded.

"Riley, do you want to go for a ride?" Jack asked nervously as he struggled with the straps.

"No! I want mommy!" She demanded and started to cry and then began trying to get out of her seat. Since he hadn't managed to get her strapped in properly she broke free easily, crawled into the empty space beside the safety seat, picked up a toy and threw it at him. He put his hand up in time to deflect it.

"It's okay Riley. If you come and sit in your seat we can go for a ride." He tried to coax her, afraid if he reached out and picked her up she'd get more freaked out than she already was.

She lay down in the backseat of his car and cried for her mother, refusing to come to him. Jack didn't know what to do. He'd dealt with young patients in the past, but he usually had a parent or a nurse with him to get the child to do whatever he needed it to do. He felt for the little girl, but he also felt foolish, crouched down, negotiating with a two-year old. Wouldn't most parents just impose their size and authority and physically place the child in the seat kicking and screaming if necessary? Probably, but most parents weren't strangers to their children.

He put his head down, letting his forehead rest on the safety seat that he was too incompetent to strap her into while he had the chance. He listened to the child's wailing, kicking at the other door and throwing things, completely pissed off over the situation. While it was upsetting to him it was also amusing to him to see that she had definitely inherited his temper. He let her continue until she finally gave it up, reduced to a small, whimpering curled up ball. He stood and walked around to the other door and opened it. He reached in and picked the little girl up, her breath still hitching as she tried to calm herself down. She felt so small and fragile in his arms, too young and too innocent to be dealing with something like this. He held her close and tried to comfort her.

"We're going to get through this, I promise." He whispered softly, cupping his hand over the back of her head and kissing her gently on the forehead, no longer feeling nervous, wanting to comfort her and make her feel safe. He could feel her small hand patting his back gently and smiled, feeling relieved and hoping her show of affection meant she was feeling a little less afraid.

"Riley go bye-bye with Daddy." The little girl said softly.

"Bye-bye? Of course, she's two and doesn't understand what go for a ride means." He mumbled to himself and carried her back over to the other side of the car.

He placed her in the seat gently, but with more confidence than the first attempt and snapped all the buckles into place. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and smiled at her. She was very cute, too cute. He wasn't really going to be expected to look at that face and not give her everything she wants was he? He looked at the small backpack and wondered if maybe she had a favorite doll or stuffed animal or blanket. He unzipped it and the first thing he saw was stuffed toy of some sort. He pulled it out and he wasn't sure, but he suspected that it had resembled a shaggy-eared dog at one time. There was also a small, worn and torn blanket inside. He pulled it out as well. He held the two items up in front of the child and watched her face light up, reaching for them. He handed them to her and she hugged them tightly.

"See there, your dad is only partially clueless." He said, smiling at her and checking the restraints one last time before closing the door and climbing into the driver's seat. He sat for a moment, realizing how strange it felt to be driving a car again and started the engine.

He drove the car across the freeway, headed toward the condominium complex where he lived. Everything felt strange to him, enormous, but also very crowded and very loud. His mind drifted back to Kate, wondering if she was still in Hawaii or if she was back in Iowa. He glanced in the rear view mirror at the cute toddler happily cuddling her blanket and stuffed animal, quietly watching the passing cars. What was he going to do with her once he got home? She didn't have any clothes or toys or even a bed to sleep in. How was he supposed to focus on Kate with this new and extremely large distraction in his life? He shook it off. He'd just have to do it. He had to take care of Kate and do so without allowing the child to feel completely abandoned, assuming being stuck with him hadn't already left her feeling that way.

He entered the building, remembered the last time he'd been there and wondered briefly if his hot, young neighbor still lived in the complex. The lobby was fairly deserted, which made him happy, he wanted to get to his condo and start trying to figure things out. Stopping to tell his tale over and over wasn't something he was really in the mood to do, so he was pleased when he made it up to his floor and inside without being seen. He wandered around his living room for a few minutes trying to shake the feeling that he was just visiting instead of finally home. He watched Riley walk around, looking at things, reaching out to touch to see which items would get a "No" reaction from the stranger named Daddy who had brought her here.

She was curious as most two year olds are and she was quick, moving from room to room with him following behind, making sure she didn't find anything she could break or hurt herself on. He finally led her back into the living room and closed the doors to the bedrooms and bathrooms. He picked up the phone and called his friend Mike. Mike wasn't home, but he spoke to his wife Jamie and briefly explained what was going on. She invited him to bring Riley and come have dinner with them. Not wanting to be alone with the scary two-year old, he happily accepted the offer. He hung up the phone and noticed she was gone. He found her in the master bathroom, sitting in the middle of the floor emptying a bottle of shampoo. She was covered with shampoo from the waist down.

"I guess you know how to open doors." He said as he knelt down in front of her and took the shampoo bottle away from her. She looked up at him.

"Uh-oh." She said, making him laugh.

"You say that as if this was an accident." Jack said as he wrapped a towel around her and picked her up.

He carried her out of his condo and walked down the hall hoping that the 16 year old neighbor who had always helped him out with errands would be home. He'd seen her babysitting other people's kids and he was hoping she'd help him out long enough for him to take a shower. The teenage girl opened the door and her eyes got big right before she screamed and threw her arms around him.

"I'm so glad you're okay Dr. Shephard! We thought you were dead and we all missed you so much." She told him and then let go of him.

"That's sweet Nicole, thank you, but I suspect not that many missed me. I'm not exactly bucking for neighbor of the year around here." He joked.

"You're busy Dr. Shephard, just like most of the men in this building. Who's the little one?" She asked.

"Please, I've told you, it's Jack. This is Riley and I could really use a hand if you aren't busy." Jack told her.

"Sure, what do you need?" Nicole asked.

"She dumped shampoo all over her clothes and I'm not even sure if she has any clean clothes and I need to shave and take a shower in the worst way. Do you think you could come down and keep any eye on her while I do that? I'll pay you of course." Jack asked.

"Yeah, let me go tell my mom." She said and disappeared from the door.

Nicole's mother appeared at the door, shocked and happy to see her neighbor standing there alive and well. She too hugged him and welcomed him home and made him promise he'd come over for dinner once things settled down for him.

Nicole followed Jack to his condo and took Riley from him, volunteering to clean her up for him. She found a clean change of clothes in the backpack. When Jack came out of the shower, Riley was sitting in the living room floor wearing a clean outfit, hair brushed and barrettes put back in place. She was watching some show with a blue dog on television, eating dry Cheerios and drinking out of a cup with a lid on it.

"Thanks Nicole, you have no idea how much I appreciate this. What is she drinking?" He asked.

"She was thirsty and hungry. I called my mom and she brought her some apple juice and cheerios. No diapers so I'm guessing she's potty trained?" Nicole asked.

"I have no idea Nicole." He sighed.

"Jack, whose little girl is this?" Nicole asked.

"It's a long story Nicole, but she's my daughter and she's going to be living with me." Jack answered.

"She's adorable. I'm going to go home now if you don't need anything else." Nicole told him.

"No and thanks, here let me pay you." Jack offered reaching for his wallet.

"That's not necessary Jack, consider it a welcome home present. Let me know if I can do anything to help you with her." Nicole told him and left.

Jack looked down at Riley, content with her juice and cheerios and guessed he should buy some groceries assuming anything he had was over five months old and probably not edible.

"This is going to be quite an adjustment." He mumbled to himself.

He picked up his daughter, allowing her to keep the cheerios, grabbed the blanket and the stuffed animal and left. The drive to Mike's house was uneventful. She was actually a pretty well-behaved toddler and he just needed to settle down or so he told himself. He liked order in his life and at the moment he didn't have it. In fact, he couldn't remember a time when his life had been so out of control, not even when he was running from monsters he couldn't see on the island.

They enjoyed a nice dinner with Mike and his family. Mike had three kids so it didn't take Riley very long to climb out of Jack's lap and go exploring. Jamie packed a small bag of clothes that her daughter had outgrown. Nothing excessive, just some pajamas and t-shirts and pants and socks and panties so she'd have something to wear until Jack had a chance to catch his breath and put together some kind of home for her. He thanked them, collected his daughter and left.

They stopped at the grocery store on the way home. He managed to get the child seated in the grocery cart and only got her leg caught once. He picked up a few things he thought she might eat. He noticed the training cups with lids and decided he should probably have a few of those. He looked hard at the beer, but decided it probably wasn't a good idea given his current situation, not to mention his state of mind.

He took the child and the groceries home, tired and starting to feel the effects of the last few days. Riley stood in the kitchen by the cabinet holding her blanket watching him put things away. He looked down and chuckled at how the little girl's neck was strained having to put her head back so far to look up at him. He kneeled down in front of her.

"You're going to have a stiff neck if you keep that up. Are you sleepy?" He asked.

"No." She answered.

"Dumb question. How about we put on the pajamas Jamie packed for you and we'll, I don't know what we'll do after that, but it's a start." He said and stood back up.

She bent her head back again to look up at him. He put his arms out and she reached out for him to pick her up. He picked her up and took the sack of clothes into his bedroom. He sat Riley on the bed and dug through the clothes. He pulled out what he was sure was the littlest nightgown he'd ever seen. He held it up in front of her.

"What do you think? Too girly?" He asked.

"Mommy." She whined.

"You're going to spend the night with daddy Riley." He said deciding he would just not say the "m-word" anymore.

He reached out and started to pull her shirt off so he could put her nightgown on and she threw herself backwards on the bed and started crying for her mommy again. Kicking and thrashing and eventually throwing one of her shoes at him. He was as tired as she was and a part of him wanted to join her in the tantrum. He decided that changing her clothes wasn't necessary and put the bag of clothes in the corner, keeping an eye on her the entire time, wondering if she would settle down before she made herself sick.

"Riley, come here baby, you're going to hurt yourself." Jack said as he leaned in and tried to pick her up.

"No! I want mommy!" She screamed and kicked at him and scooted away. Before he had a chance to react she threw herself backwards, her head smacking hard into the wood of the bed's headboard.

She instantly went from throwing a fit to the shocked, hurts so bad, can't catch your breath, finally releases into the high-pitched scream that terrifies all parents. He picked her up, afraid he was going to find blood, but to his relief found a large bump that was growing larger by the second. He went into doctor mode, rubbing his hand over the bump, examining it, pressing to make sure everything felt right which made her scream louder, bringing him back to frightened father mode.

"I'm sorry, shh, it's okay." He told her, holding her to his chest fighting back his own tears of anger and frustration as he thought about how he'd love to slam Sarah's head against something hard and unforgiving.

He walked around with her until she fell asleep, too exhausted to fight him anymore. He laid her gently on his bed and covered her up. He turned on the television and turned off the lights before lying down beside her. She was still whimpering every so often in her sleep. He brushed the hair away from her face and watched her sleep. He was amazed at how perfect she was and began to absorb that she was a part of him and the feeling that comes with that realization. He'd delivered his share of babies, but it was the first time he truly understood what it was those parents were feeling. A part of you wakes up, a part you didn't know was there and you feel this overwhelming sense of joy and pride and a love unlike any you've known before. He'd only experienced the other side of that and the emptiness, loss and grief that comes with it. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. If I had known, nothing would've kept me away from you, but I'm here now and I'm going to make you feel safe again. We'll figure things out together. I have to take care of Kate too and that could get tricky, but I promise I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't neglect either one of you." He said softly and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes, remembering Kate and wishing she were with him right now. Her smile the way she would look at him when he was being stubborn and keeping things to himself was the last picture in his mind before his brain gave way to sleep.

He could feel the light pushes on his chest and could hear her small voice. He opened his eyes and she was sitting right beside him, eyes wide open and saying something to him. The television was providing just enough light for him to see her, without it hurting his eyes. He glanced at the clock beside the bed. It was 2:21 AM.

"What's wrong?" He asked, keeping his voice soft and non-threatening.

"Poppy gone." She said.

"Poppy? What the he…ck is a poppy? Puppy? Your puppy?" He asked.

"Poppy go nite-nite." She insisted.

"We'll find it in the morning. Let's go back to sleep." He tried to convince her unsuccessfully as she climbed over him and eased herself off the bed.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" He asked as he sat up and followed her out of the room.

He turned on the lights and looked around the living room for the beat up dog she'd been carrying around. He spotted it on the couch and handed it to her. She took it and happily hugged it. She reached up for him to pick her up. He leaned down and lifted her into his arms. She laid her head on his shoulder.

"Can we go back to bed now?" He asked, not really expecting an answer.

He carried her back into the bedroom, turning the lights back off as he went. He laid her back down where she had been before and resumed his previous position, trying to stay awake until he was sure she'd gone back to sleep. He could feel she was right beside him again and turned his head. She was looking right at him and as tired as he was it made him smile.

"Kiss and hug." She told him, clear enough for him to understand her.

"He kissed her on the cheek and hugged her and laid her back down her pillow.

"Poppy kiss and hug." She told him and held the dog up.

"Um, how about if Riley gives the Puppy a kiss." He suggested.

"No, daddy." She protested.

He pretended to kiss it and hugged it and handed it back to her. He put the blanket over her again and kissed her on the forehead.

"Goodnight Riley." He said in a gentle, yet firm voice hoping she'd stay down this time.

He moved back to his side of the bed and lay down. He closed his eyes and listened. He could hear her shuffling around again and in less than a minute she was right beside him again. He spent the next two hours taking her to the bathroom, getting her a drink, listening to her sing something unintelligible to her puppy, hearing her crawl out of bed, chasing her down and putting her back in bed. He'd finally had enough of it and sternly placed her in her spot on the bed.

"That's enough Riley. Don't get up again. Goodnight." He said in a less gentle, firmer tone.

As soon as he closed his eyes he heard her again and sighed heavily. When he could feel her right beside him, he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. She had her little blanket and her stuffed dog and was looking at him with sad, watery eyes, her bottom lip quivering slightly, just enough to complete the "here's a knife for your heart daddy" look.

"That's definitely a look that will you anything you want. What's wrong? Are you scared? Do you want to lay down with me?" He asked and pushed the comforter back so she could crawl in beside him.

She snuggled in beside him and laid her head on his chest. He put his arm around her and she was asleep within minutes. He looked down at her and decided he'd just leave her there.

"I guess this is okay for tonight." He said.

He awoke the next morning to the smell of urine and his t-shirt was wet. He opened his eyes and Riley was sitting beside him looking like she was about to cry.

"Potty." She said as her bottom lip started to pucker out, obviously upset and ready to cry.

"It's okay honey. Don't cry." He said and smiled at her even though waking up in a urine-soaked t-shirt wasn't something he'd ever experienced, not even during his wildest college days.

He climbed out of bed and peeled the wet t-shirt off. He picked his daughter up and carried her into the bathroom. He began filling the bathtub with warm water, which seemed to scare her or make her mad, he wasn't sure, he was only sure that she wanted no part of a bath.

"It's common for small children to have accidents like this following a traumatic event, but you have to take a bath Riley, it's all over you." He said in his clinical tone.

"No!" She screamed and tried to run away from him. He snatched her up and set her on his leg while he continued to let the water run.

"Sorry squirt, but you aren't going to win this battle. I can put up with you picking cheerios up off the floor and shoving them into your mouth and I can look the other way when you kiss that filthy stuffed animal you seem to love, but this is too gross." He stood firm, holding onto the mad, squirming child.

"Down! Down!" She demanded as she tried to break free from his grip.

"Maybe this will make it more appealing. Look Riley, bubbles." He said as he poured a small amount of shampoo into the water, making bubbles instantly.

Riley took an interest in the bubbles immediately and found them entertaining, laughing and clapping and ready to get into the water. He stripped the child down and set her in the water, allowing the bubbles to rise around her chest before turning the water off. He let her play for awhile, washed her and then coaxed her back out of the water. He wrapped a towel around her and let her walk back into the bedroom. He managed to get her dressed, but didn't attempt to fix her hair. He knew he'd botch that for sure so he just brushed it and hoped for the best.

He fed her breakfast and then made some phone calls, trying to determine if he was still employed and how much longer they would wait for him to return. He called his mother and explained what Sarah had done and asked her if she would mind helping him get the things a two-year old would need. To his surprise she didn't chastise him for being too inept to handle this on his own and agreed to go shopping with him. He hung up the phone feeling somewhat optimistic about his relationship with his mom for the first time since he'd gotten back to civilization.

Jack and Riley picked his mom up and they shopped for about four hours before Riley became too irritable to tolerate anymore of it. His mom told him she'd pick out some bedroom furniture for Riley if it would help and have it delivered to his house. Riley had spent time around Jack's mother while he'd been on the island and presumed dead and wasn't afraid of her, but did ask for her mommy several times since she'd always been around this person named grandma with her mommy. Jack and Margo did their best to redirect the child's mommy question to another topic.

Riley slept on a loveseat in the family room of Margo's home, while Jack's and his mother ate a late lunch. He wasn't sure what to make of the day he'd just spent with her. It was so normal and they hadn't argued about anything.

"Mom, I know you're upset with me over some decisions I've made, but I really appreciate today. I've been flying blind with this. I'm not sure what to do with her." Jack admitted.

"What do you mean Jack? She's your daughter, you don't have a choice about what to do with her." She scolded him.

"I didn't mean it like that mom. I mean I literally from one minute to the next have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing or if I'm doing it wrong." He admitted, his frustration coming through loud and clear.

"You're doing fine Jack, but I always knew you'd make a good father some day." She told him.

"I hate to kill this moment mom, because we don't that many of them, but I have an appointment with an attorney. Can she stay here with you while I take care of that?" He asked.

"Are you in trouble for helping that girl?" She asked.

"No, I hired him to help Kate, the girl, her name is Kate." Jack answered.

"Jack, they say she killed her father and robbed a bank in New Mexico. You have a daughter to think about now. You don't have time for that nonsense. You need to forget about that girl and get on with your life." She told him.

He looked at her for a moment, repeating her words over in his head and it all became clear to him. He wasn't sure whether to be angry or hurt or both, but chose angry for Riley's sake since she was the one affected the most.

"Mom, please tell me that you and Sarah didn't cook all this up just so I'd be too preoccupied to deal with the situation with Kate." Jack said the words revealing more of his emotional state than he wanted.

"Jack, it's for your own good." She told him.

He stood suddenly, knocking his chair over and backed away from her, his eyes betraying him by showing how hurt he was at the moment instead of the rage that he wanted to show her.

"All this today was just an act? My god, Sarah was in on this? She went along with this? Do you have any idea what that poor little girl went through yesterday? How scared she was? How she cried for her mother until her poor little body finally gave out? Mom, do you and Sarah have any idea how completely fucked up this is?" He finished his statement, the rage finally replacing the hurt that had been filling his eyes.

"Jack, you're overreacting as usual. Riley will be fine." She insisted and started to stand.

He put his hand up, warning her to back off.

"Wherever Sarah went. However you convinced her to go along with this. Jesus, that's the part I really don't get, I knew that woman, loved her, how could she be a part of something like this?" He puzzled, the insanity of the situation proving to be too much for him to wrap his mind around.

"Sarah's not the same woman you married Jack or maybe she is, I guess I really wouldn't know. I just know she was desperate for a way out so I gave her an out. Life's cruel sometimes Jack and you should know that." She said hatefully.

"Life isn't cruel mom, but some of the individuals you encounter in your life are. I'm done here. I'm going to go get my daughter. I have an appointment." He said, too shocked and disgusted to discuss anything more with her.

He packed up his sleeping daughter and loaded her into the car, in an almost zombie-like state trying to process what he'd just been told. He felt betrayed and sick to his stomach. The woman that he'd loved very deeply was obviously a stranger to him and he began to question his feelings for Kate. Was she really this bad person the law says she is and he's been too blinded by love to see it? He was obviously too blind to see the real Sarah.

No, this wasn't Kate's fault and he'd seen the real Kate, the good and the bad and hell he was anything but perfect so who was he to dwell on the bad? He had to stop allowing what happened with Sarah interfere with his feelings for Kate. They were two entirely different women and just because he was too busy, not blind, to see that he was losing Sarah didn't meant he'd make that same mistake with Kate. In all fairness to Sarah, she'd been through a lot, things that can really screw with your head and he'd been too wrapped up in his work and his own grief to notice she was slipping away. But how did she get to this point? Was she planning on coming back for Riley and him once their plan to distract him had worked or did she really want out completely?

He'd been so deep in thought he found himself in the parking lot of the law offices and wasn't sure how he'd managed to get there. He looked in the rearview mirror and Riley was still asleep. He guessed the restless night and the shopping trip had worn her out. He carefully removed her from the car, and made her comfortable, her head resting on his shoulder. He made his way to the man's office. His name was Joseph Stypes and his win record was quite impressive. Jack wasn't sure if setting criminals free for a living was something to brag about, but at the moment he was glad the man was good at what he does. He knew that prior to meeting Kate he would've most likely found men like Joseph Stypes deplorable and he laughed at the hypocrisy of it, realizing this was another one of those moments in your life when you realize you shouldn't judge unless you've actually been in the position to experience the other side of these situations, the side that most like to believe they're too good or pure to ever get caught up in.

He entered the office with his sleeping child on his shoulder drawing a puzzled look from the polished executive sitting behind the desk. His look alone had to put the fear of god into most District Attorneys and Jack was starting to feel good about Kate's chances. He reached across the desk and shook the man's hand.

"Jack Shephard. I apologize for bringing her. It's complicated." Jack apologized.

"I can tell. I can recommend a fantastic family law attorney, just let me know." The man offered.

"I'll keep that in mind." Jack said taken back a bit by the man's foresight.

"Dr. Shephard I've know Walter Zito for years so when he called about this I thought I'd give it a shot for a colleague I have a lot of respect for, not really feeling all that optimistic about winning, but I've got to tell you, after reading the file on this case, I'm almost feeling guilty about taking your money." He told Jack.

"Why? Money isn't a problem, don't spare any expense. I just want her to have a chance, that's all I'm asking." Jack pleaded.

"Dr. Shephard." He started.

"Jack, please call me Jack." Jack interrupted.

"Jack, I'm flying to Iowa tonight. Ms. Austen is scheduled for arraignment day after tomorrow. They should have completed her transport from Hawaii and have her settled by the time I arrive tonight. I'll go see her first thing in the morning. Unless I'm missing some key piece of evidence against her, I don't see how any DA would even want to pursue this." He explained.

"What?" The one word was all Jack could manage, suddenly tongue-tied and stupid.

"They've got nothing on her Jack. It's all circumstantial. Whether Ms. Austen did or didn't intentionally cause the death of her father can't be proven within a reasonable doubt to any intelligent jury." He said.

"But she's been running all this time and the federal marshals. I don't understand why they'd doggedly pursue her if they didn't have any evidence." Jack questioned.

"My guess is that if they'd managed to charge her and have a trial in the small county where the alleged crime took place they could've easily railroaded a young girl with no money for proper legal representation, especially since her father was the sheriff of that county. It's that good ole boy, get revenge for one our own mentality at play here." He surmised.

"A cop? But, according to Kate the guy was a monster, always drunk, beating his wife, raping his daughters. How does that go unnoticed?" Jack asked.

"I'm guessing you've never lived in a small town Jack. Those that knew turned their heads and the rest only knew the nice version of him, the guy that tipped his hat to them or pulled old ladies' cats out of trees. None of that mattered, what mattered was that he was a cop and that is all the feds cared about and that is why they were so determined to catch her." He said.

"So what now?" Jack asked.

"Well, I'm going to go talk to her and the DA and see if they're withholding the smoking gun because if this is all they have against her, they don't have a case. They've got a couple of insurance policies that Kate supposedly handed her mother after the explosion. The policies have the deceased's signature on them as well as Ms. Austen's so I'm not sure why they feel this incriminates her. They've got a statement from her mother that really isn't all that incriminating, but could hurt. However, her mother is now deceased and I would file a motion to have that statement disallowed. Since she's not here to confirm the statement, it would be considered hearsay and therefore not allowed to be entered as evidence. I would also file a motion to have the trial moved to another county, eliminating the good ole boy angle from potential jurors." He explained.

"So what does all this mean?" Jack asked.

"It means I'm going to try to convince the DA to drop the charges due to lack of evidence. There is no statute of limitations on murder so there is no reason to go to trial without evidence, when in five or ten years they could come up with something incriminating and file charges against her." He said.

"Could they? Find incriminating evidence I mean?" Jack asked.

"I don't know the answer to that Jack. My guess is if there was anything to find they would've found it by now. They can't even determine whether or not there was a gas leak in the house or if it was tampered with." He said.

"So she could be free?" Jack asked.

"She could be free from the murder charges in Iowa, but there is still the armed robbery in New Mexico to deal with. She'd be extradited from Iowa to New Mexico, but it's a lesser charge than murder and the possibility of bail with permission to reside in California until her trial date is excellent. I can't speculate about what kind of punishment she's looking at for that crime right now, but it's a start." He told Jack.

"This is the best news I've heard in days, months. I want to see her. Can I go with you?" Jack asked.

"They won't let her have visitors in Iowa, but once we get her to New Mexico that could probably be arranged. Of course if things work out the way I hope they will, she could be back in California within a month or two." He said.

"If I write her a note, will you give it to her?" Jack asked.

"Sure, just leave it with my secretary." He answered.

"Thank you Mr. Styles and whatever you need just let me know, I'll post bail, pay expenses, just let me know and will you call me and keep me updated?" Jack asked.

"I will call you as soon as I know something in Iowa." He assured him.

Jack stood and shook the man's hand again. He stepped out of his office into the reception area. He asked the woman for paper and pen and an envelope. He scratched out a couple of paragraphs, folded it, put it in the envelope and handed it to the woman to give to Mr. Styles. He walked out of the law office feeling confident that he and Kate would be reunited soon.

Riley woke up on the ride home. With the help of his teenage neighbor Nicole, Jack managed to get all of the day's purchases into his home. She offered to watch Riley for him while he took a shower. He tried to leave her with Nicole, but Riley began screaming, refusing to let go of him so Nicole ended up coming to his condo with them.

Jack came out of his bedroom, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, ready to relax for the evening. He popped his head into the bedroom that would eventually become Riley's. Nicole was playing with her and the new toys Riley had gotten during the shopping spree. The doorbell rang and he excused himself to answer it.

He opened the door and before he had a chance to react a fist landed in his face, knocking him backwards. Down on his back, stunned and defenseless he took four more blows, two to his face and two to his ribs before he managed to collect himself, flip the offender over onto his back and gain the advantage. He held the man down on the floor, both fists full of his shirt, his legs clamped tightly to his sides, blood dripping from his mouth and nose. He pulled his head up off the floor.

"Sawyer, what the hell? You've got about five seconds to explain." Jack threatened.


	12. Chapter 12

Nicole appeared in the living room with Riley on her hip, concerned and a little frightened.

"Jack, what's going on?" Nicole asked.

"It's okay Nicole, take Riley back in the other room." Jack assured her.

"Nicole? You got company? Hell doc, the body ain't even cold yet." Sawyer snarled.

"What?" Jack shot back still clutching the front of Sawyer's shirt.

"Why'd you do it doc?" Sawyer asked.

"Do what? What the hell are you talking about Sawyer?" Jack asked trying not to yell and frighten the two kids in the other room.

"Why'd you turn her in? She trusted you. I should've killed you when I had the chance." Sawyer hissed.

"We're back to that now? You want to kill me? I'm so lucky to have a friend like you. Maybe you should get your facts straight before you start throwing punches and threatening to kill people. I didn't turn her in Sawyer, she turned herself in." Jack said the defeat and exhaustion in his voice not lost on Sawyer.

Jack let go of Sawyer's shirt, moved off of him and stood up. He put his hand out for Sawyer to take and helped him up. Jack walked into the kitchen, Sawyer following behind him. He grabbed a towel and soaked it with cold water from the faucet. He wiped the blood from his face, grabbed another towel, put some ice in it, wrapped the towel around the ice and applied it to his mouth, trying to stop the swelling that had already started. He looked at Sawyer who was standing less than three feet away from him.

"What are you doing here Sawyer? I thought you'd be on your way to wherever it is you go by now." Jack said.

"Hell doc, we're famous, treated like royalty. Someone wants to put me up in one of the finest hotels in the city for an indefinite amount of time I'm going to take advantage of their stupidity." Sawyer explained.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that? You've done nothing but look for ways to benefit since the plane went down." Jack commented.

"That's right doc I'm scum, but the fact is, most of us are taking advantage of that hotel, guess you're the only noble one in the bunch." Sawyer taunted.

"I'm happy for all of you. Maybe you'll get a book or movie deal out of it too." Jack said sarcastically.

Sawyer looked at Jack, realizing he was as stressed out or maybe even more stressed than he had been on the island. He should've known Jack wouldn't do anything to hurt her, should've know he was being baited by some ambitious tabloid writer. He was glad that for once in his life he chose to keep his comments to himself and take care of the matter on his own. Even though he'd punched Jack without just cause at least he hadn't publicly smeared him.

"Why'd she turn herself in?" Sawyer asked as he followed Jack into the living room.

"She did it for me, saw that I was being accused of harboring a fugitive and turned herself in. She'd already done it before I had a chance to talk her out of it." Jack said sadly and dropped himself onto the sofa.

"Freckles is kind of stubborn that way and hell doc we both know once she's got her mind made up about something there's no talking her out of it." Sawyer offered.

"I guess. I've got to get her out of jail Sawyer. You didn't see her face right before they took her away, but I see it every time I close my eyes." Jack told him.

Sawyer was at a loss. He came to beat him up, teach the cocky doctor in the fancy condo a lesson about life and now he was sitting beside a guy who was clearly beaten down by all of life's lessons. He glanced toward the doorway that led to another part of the house and saw a small child with brown hair and brown eyes looking back at him. He looked back at Jack and then back at the child.

"That belong to you?" Sawyer asked causing Jack to look in the direction Sawyer was pointing.

"What do you think?" Jack replied.

"I think if you cut the sleeves off her shirt and let her facial hair grow some she'd look like a 2-1/2 foot tall version of you." Sawyer answered making Jack laugh lightly.

"She doesn't have facial hair. Hey Nicole, its okay, you can come out." Jack called out.

Riley toddled over to Jack and crawled up into his lap. She looked at the cut and bruise on his mouth.

"Daddy gots boo-boo?" She asked.

"Yeah, daddy has a boo-boo." He answered.

"I kiss it and make it better." She demanded and stood in his lap so she could kiss the boo-boo on his face.

"Thank you Riley, it feels much better now." Jack said hugging the little girl and setting her down so she could go play.

"Daddy? You told me you didn't have any kids doc so either you work really fast or you had quite a surprise waiting for you when you got back." Sawyer chuckled.

"Yeah something like that. Nicole, this is a friend of mine from the island." Jack told the girl who was clearly still a little shook up.

"Do all of your friends greet you like that Jack?" Nicole asked making him laugh.

"It was a misunderstanding. Sawyer, this is Nicole. She's my neighbor. Nicole, Sawyer." Jack said as he stood to return the towel and the ice to the kitchen.

"Nice to meet you Sawyer, if you don't need anything else Jack, I'm going to go home." Nicole said.

"I need you to take this $20. Go treat your boyfriend to pizza or something." Jack said as he shoved the money at her.

"It's not necessary Jack and I don't have a boyfriend." Nicole told him and looked at Sawyer which didn't go unnoticed by Jack.

They watched the teenager exit and Jack looked at Sawyer.

"She likes me." Sawyer grinned.

"Don't even think about it Sawyer. She's just a kid." Jack warned.

"Nah, really? I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed doc, but I recognize jail bait when I see it." Sawyer said.

"But otherwise you find that attractive?" Jack asked feeling disgusted with him again.

"Jesus Jack you really need to lighten up. She's a little girl, hell no I don't find that attractive, give me a little credit would you." Sawyer complained.

"Credit is earned Sawyer." Jack replied.

"Yeah? Well, I'm not sure, but I think I kind of have my hands full with Claire right now." Sawyer confided in him.

"Claire? She's at the hotel with you? How'd that happen?" Jack asked shooting him a look that suggested he was uncomfortable with it and certainly didn't want the intimate details.

"Well THAT didn't happen, so stop looking at me like I just deflowered your sister or something. I just rescued her from that crazed, over possessive musician who can't seem to take no for answer." Sawyer grumbled.

"Charlie definitely has some issues there. I tried to talk to him about it, but I guess he's not interested in being just her friend. Is she okay?" Jack asked.

"She's a single mom in a foreign country with no money, no job and nothing to go home to and she's got this fatal attraction stalking her every move, but hell I guess other than that she's great." Sawyer answered in his typical sarcastic, surly tone.

"You handling it Sawyer or do I need to?" Jack asked.

"We ain't on the island anymore doc, you don't need to handle anything." Sawyer responded sarcastically.

"If a friend of mine needs help Sawyer, I need to handle it regardless of where I'm living." Jack stated.

"Cool your jets there hero, it's being handled." Sawyer told him.

"Don't call me that. I'm not anyone's hero. I'm as fucked up as anyone else, I just don't use my baggage as an excuse to be a prick and walk around acting like I don't care about anyone." Jack grumbled.

"No, you do act like a prick sometimes." Sawyer objected making Jack smile.

"Fine, but enough already Sawyer, its over and we've all got a second chance to come back and be better than we were before we left. Why can't we just be nice to each other? Why do we have to keep up this cock measuring contest? I'm so tired of it. Do you like Claire?" Jack finally asked hoping to get something real out of the guy just this once.

"You mean like, like or just like." Sawyer asked with a grin.

"I mean as in grown ups, man and woman stuff. Do you have those kinds of feelings for Claire?" Jack asked.

"You mean like the feelings I had for Kate?" Sawyer asked.

"Had?" Jack said and looked at him with a slight grin.

"Okay have. I don't know what I feel for Claire. I see her and I just want to take care of her. Crazy huh?" Sawyer answered the honesty in the answer catching Jack off guard, but just for a moment.

"Not crazy, but you better be careful Sawyer, you're showing an actual human side." Jack teased.

"Funny, you should be careful, people might suspect you have a sense of humor." Sawyer returned the tease.

"I just spent five months on an island with you and we're both alive to talk about it. I think that qualifies as having one hell of sense of humor." Jack argued making Sawyer laugh.

"Look Jack, I'm sorry I punched you. I should've known what they were sayin was lies. I can't believe she did what they say she did. Hell, she kicked the shit out of my knee one day cuz she thought I was being mean to a baby boar, she wouldn't hurt anybody." Sawyer said.

Jack chuckled at the mental image of Kate beating up Sawyer to save a piglet. God he missed her.

"It's complicated Sawyer, but you're right, Kate wouldn't hurt anyone unless it was to protect something smaller and weaker. So, if you're planning on helping Claire out, does that mean you're planning on sticking around?" Jack asked, changing the subject, the other too difficult for him to talk about.

"Why? Got a poker game to get to? Sawyer asked sarcastically.

"No, but if you need any help, I know the area well." Jack offered.

"Actually Fa…….uh, Hurley kind of offered me a job, and help getting settled, but I don't know. I've never been one to stay in one place for very long." Sawyer said.

"Maybe you never had a reason before." Jack suggested.

"Hey doc, where'd your kid go?" Sawyer asked, getting uncomfortable with the conversation.

Jack looked around at the empty, quiet living room. He could hear noises in the kitchen. Both men got up to investigate. Jack walked around the corner and stopped.

"Son of a ……………" He stopped himself.

Riley was sitting in the floor with the refrigerator door open and what was left of a dozen eggs all around her.

"Guess she's making herself an omelet." Sawyer laughed.

Jack bent down in front of her and sighed heavily.

"Having a good time?" Jack asked the child.

"Uh-Oh." Riley replied, but Jack didn't find it cute or funny this time, catching on to what must be a game to her.

"Don't give me that innocent uh oh. You know this isn't nice." Jack lightly scolded the child.

"I'm going to let myself out doc. You've got your hands full. I'll be in touch, see how things are going with Freckles." Sawyer told him, still laughing at the egg mess.

"Yeah okay, g'night." Jack mumbled, gently placing his hands under the child's arms and standing her up.

"Potty." She said.

"Yeah, having cold eggs cracked in my lap would probably make me have to go potty too. Come on." Jack sighed as he picked her up and carried her into the bathroom.

He managed to get the eggs and the child cleaned up. He was sitting on his bed with her in his lap trying to brush her hair and figure out how to do something with it so it would stay out of her face. Completely frustrated he threw the brush and the hair accessories across the room.

"Uh-Oh." Riley chimed making him relax and laugh at himself. He turned her around so he could look at her.

"Daddy wasn't being nice that time, he's very tired. Can I have a hug?" He asked not really expecting the child to understand him, but she did and she hugged him and he could feel her lightly patting him on the back like she had the day before. He hugged her back and kissed her on the cheek.

"Daddy loves you very much." He said softly in her ear and hugged her close to him.

He pulled her back and sat her in his lap, looking at her, enjoying her and then finally pushing the wild strands of hair out of her face.

"Kate's going to love you too and she'll be able to fix your hair." He told her before tossing her onto bed, making her giggle and beg for him to do it again.

Kate lay on the mattress in the cold, gray 6 x 8 cell that was now home. She was sure she would die if she had to spend the rest of her life locked up in a small, colorless room like this. She wondered if she had done the right thing. She could've left the hotel that morning, left Jack to wake up and wonder where she had gone, but she couldn't get the image of him out of her head, the look in his eyes when he'd made her promise him she wouldn't run. She could see it and she knew that when he'd told her he might not be able to pick himself up again if she betrayed his heart and his trust he meant it.

She'd never been loved like that by anyone in her entire life and she'd never been treated the way that Jack treated her. He treated her like an equal, like someone with a mind and an opinion that he was truly interested in hearing. Their physical attraction to one another was never something that could be denied, but they never acted on that alone. The emotional connection that developed as their attraction became something so much deeper than what was on the outside was the most special connection she had ever had with anyone.

Her feelings for Jack made her decision that morning an easy one. She couldn't betray him, couldn't hurt him, couldn't bear to know that he was out there somewhere hurting and angry with her. She'd rather be dead than lose the love and respect of the first man who had ever loved and respected her for who she was, who actually believed in her and who found her to be both emotionally and physically satisfying to him.

So here she was, alone in a jail cell, over a 1,000 miles away from him, wishing they could've had just one more kiss, one more chance to make love, one more chance to hold one another, speaking to each other without ever opening their mouths. The emptiness she was feeling was unlike anything she had ever experienced and she no longer had any control over her tears, they flowed freely and she couldn't stop them if she wanted to. She missed him so much she felt like she couldn't breathe and she couldn't help but wonder why someone so wonderful had come into her life only to have to lose him. Was allowing her to have a taste of something good, only to be replaced by the bitter taste of reality her penance for all her wrong doings?

She was deep in her thoughts when she heard the door that was on the outside of her cell open and close. She heard footsteps and then heard the lock to her door being opened. The door opened and then closed again. A man in a business suit stood before her. He was very professional looking, his mere presence intimidating. She wiped the tears from her face and sat up.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"Ms. Austen, my name is Joseph Stypes. Jack Shephard hired me to represent you." He told her and held his hand out for her to shake.

She began crying again, shaking, wrapping her arms around herself as if it was the only thing holding her together.

"He didn't write me off, he really is fighting for me." She cried softly to no one in particular.

The intimidating man sat beside her and placed a comforting hand on her back. He wasn't sure what he had expected to find in Kate Austen, but a crumpled, broken, emotionally spent woman that could easily capture the heart of any person with a conscience wasn't one of the scenarios that had played out in his mind. After all, this was supposed to be a cold-blooded murderer that robs banks on the side, a hardened criminal.

"Write you off? Judging by my experience with him I'd say just the opposite. He's definitely a man on a mission." He told her.

"I'm sorry. I'm just,…..I miss him. I'm scared and for the past five months whenever I felt this afraid he was always there, whether it was just sitting across the camp watching me or whether he was right by my side telling me everything would be okay." Kate confided in the total stranger.

"I could tell he cares very much for you and I can understand how much you must miss that right now, which is why I decided to stop by tonight and give you this note from him. He wanted to come with me, but they won't let him in to see you right now so there was no sense in him making the trip. You're going to see him again, but you're going to have to put your trust in me Kate and be completely honest with me. From this moment on you don't speak to anyone but me. Can you do that?" He asked and handed her the envelope from Jack.

"Yes." She answered her voice shaky, clutching the envelope close to her chest.

"We aren't going to discuss your case tonight. I just wanted you to know that help is here and I wanted you to have that letter from him. Try to settle down Kate and try to sleep. You aren't alone. Here is my card, my cell phone number is on the back. I'm going to my hotel for the night and will be back first thing in the morning. If you need me before then, just call." He told her, placing his arm around her shoulder and hugging her lightly.

"Thank you. Is he…..Jack, is he okay?" Kate asked him, still clutching the envelope tightly.

"He's very worried about you, but other than that he seems okay." The man told her.

The attorney left Kate alone with her thoughts and her letter from Jack. She opened the envelope and pulled the folded paper out. She held the paper to her face, smelling it, taking in the light scent of the cologne that was on it. She slowly opened it, savoring the moment as if she were actually seeing him again. She read the words he'd written and smiled as more tears flowed down her cheeks.

_**Kate,**_

**_The three days we've been apart have been an eternity. I think about you every second so don't even consider that I've forgotten about you or my promise to take care of you. I have so much to tell you when I see you again and that will be soon I promise. I can see you giving me that look and telling me that you don't need to be taken care of and that I shouldn't make promises about things I have no control over. I miss that look._**

**_Try to keep your chin up and remember how much I love you because it's real and I'm sending a large helping of it in this note. Can you feel it? Remember the night before we went to the cove, the things we talked about, not just the naughty things, we will get to those too, but the hopes and the dreams and the life we want. Keep those things in mind, keep them close to your heart and believe them and you'll make it through this Kate, we both will._**

_**I Love You,**_

_**Jack**_

Kate lay down on her bed, curled up in a ball and held the note from Jack to her chest. It felt like a little piece of him and she needed that. She closed her eyes and thought back to that night, the night he wrote about in his note, the memory calming her.

_She'd convinced him to leave the hatch after he'd spent endless hours caring for Claire and Aaron. They'd gone for a walk and then disappeared to his shelter. It sat high on the beach away from everyone else and Kate used to wonder why he'd chosen to isolate himself that way, but as she sat just outside the opening with him and took in the view she understood. He could watch over the entire camp from this spot, could see every shelter and every fire and any place that any person was walking toward at any time. She sat snuggled up next him in the sand and laughed lightly at the realization causing him to pull away slightly and look down at her._

"_What?" He asked._

"_Nothing, I was just looking at the view you have and considered that you are like a shepherd watching over your flock from up here." She giggled._

"_Cute. I guess you're probably not too far off the mark though. I can't help it. I feel responsible for them Kate, all of them." He admitted._

"_I know you do. We'd probably all be dead by now without you Jack, so don't apologize for caring and being willing to take on such a big responsibility." She told him, the topic starting to make him a little uncomfortable._

"_Actually Kate, if you'll notice, I have a direct view into your shelter. I'm secretly a peeping Tom." He teased._

"_So did I give you a good show?" She asked._

"_No, you always closed your flap before you changed your clothes." He laughed._

"_Jack! You were actually watching?" She replied and slapped his arm._

"_Of course, you're extremely hot Kate and after you teased me with that whole walking out of the shower in a towel thing I had to see if it got any better than that." He teased._

"_You didn't really watch did you?" She asked in a tone so serious he began laughing at her._

"_No Kate, I'm a lot of things, but a pervert isn't one of them. I only watch women undress if they ask me to." He told her with a chuckle._

"_Oh really, so if I asked you to come inside and watch me undress you'd want to do that?" She asked._

"_I'd rather do the undressing, but watching is good too." He answered and pulled her closer to him, the conversation getting his juices flowing._

_They disappeared into his shelter and as promised she undressed for him, slowly, teasing him and not allowing him to help. When she slid out of her panties and tossed them at him he decided it was his turn to participate. He stood, took hold of her hands and pulled her into him, her naked body pressing against his fully clothed body, his mouth covering hers and swallowing her in a deep passionate kiss, his tongue dancing over hers, his hand slowly gliding over her bare flesh, his blue jean clad thigh and knee nudging her thighs apart, her whimpering as she straddled his thigh and pressed hard against it._

_He glided her down to the makeshift bed, turning her over onto her stomach, lifting her hair and landing soft kisses on the back of her neck and then slowly down her back, stopping at the shoulder blades to gently nip and swirl his tongue over the flesh, repeating the process on her sides, making her squirm against his biting and licking at the most ticklish areas of her body before rolling her over onto her back._

_He moved his mouth over her breasts, taking her nipples in and sucking them hard while his hands gently massaged them. She let out a moan and lifted her hips, wrapping her legs around his waist. He unwrapped her legs and pushed her hips back down his mouth moving slowly down her stomach, his tongue moving over her again as he gently nipped at the area just inside the hip bone._

"_You need a tattoo of a lollipop right here Kate, so I can do this." He told her and kissed the area, his tongue swirling over the area, driving her crazy._

_He continued to move his mouth over her bikini line and up and down the creases of the triangle, not making contact where she most wanted it and refusing to penetrate her, making her whimper every time she could feel his breath where she wanted him. She finally grabbed his head with both hands and physically put his mouth where she wanted it, making him chuckle and then work his tongue slowly up and down, teasing her with the promise of penetration only to pull back and keep the hot moistness of his tongue just to the outside of where she wanted it. She closed her thighs around his head like a vice and pushed him down further, needing contact desperately. He broke free from the wrestling hold she had on him and looked up at her. Her eyes were burning with desire, begging him to bring her relief. He maintained eye contact with her and inserted a finger, making her gasp and open wider for him. He kept the one finger moving in and out slowly and brought his mouth back down, making contact, sucking her clit gently, sending electricity through her, a warm flood building as his tongue continued work it's magic on her. She grabbed his head, screamed and wrapped her legs around his head again, panting and moaning as her hips jerked against the powerful orgasm._

_When she finally let go of him, he kissed his way up her stomach and chest and kissed her, moaning into her mouth, his need to be inside her becoming intense. He could feel her hands fumbling with his pants, not having any luck. He stopped kissing her and sat up on his knees, straddling her torso. He pulled his shirt up and off while she unfastened his pants and pushed them down his hips, he was so hard she had to have her hands on him. She gripped him gently, but firmly enough to throw him off balance, sending him forward, his hands landing on either side of her head. He could feel her soft hands holding him, caressing him pulling his tip to her lips so she could kiss him and swirl her tongue over him, wanting to take him into her mouth, but him refusing to let her by regaining his balance and moving back a little._

_She brought the length of him down to her breast bone, gliding her hand over him before clutching either side of her breasts, pushing them together and trapping him in-between them. He was looking at her, his swollen, throbbing erection was trapped in-between her breasts, the warmth and moisture from the sweat accumulating in the tunnel created by the act taking him to another level of excitement. His release was close and he wasn't sure if she was just being playful or if she really wanted what she seemed to be asking for. He made eye contact with her, his need reaching the point of agony._

"_Seriously?" He asked his voice strained, but interested._

"_If you aren't comfortable with it Jack" She started, but never got to finish her sentence as he began moving, replacing her hands on her breasts with his own, pushing them together tighter, pushing himself forward slowly, allowing her to tease him with her tongue before pulling back. He continued this slow, methodical pace until he couldn't stand it anymore, suddenly increasing the pace and finally letting go, spilling himself over her upper chest._

_He moved back some, and reached into the corner of his shelter grabbing a bottle of water and a rag, wetting it and then gently cleaning her up, taking his time, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. He tossed the rag into the corner and kissed her before relaxing beside her and pulling her into his arms, nestling her in snugly, her head resting on his chest the way she liked to curl up with him._

"_That couldn't have been much fun for you, but I enjoyed it, very much." He said softly._

"_I was curious to find out how far off the beaten path you like to roam." She told him._

"_Are you trying to tell me I'm boring in bed?" He asked._

"_Have you heard me complaining? Trust me, you're anything but boring. I was just opening the door so to speak. I'm curious to know just how kinky a hard core spinal surgeon is." She teased._

"_Kate, I'm game for just about anything this side of freaky." He said._

"_Yeah, so what's the other side of freaky?" She laughed._

"_Well, I have to draw the line at Erotic Asphyxiation. Somehow the idea of making love to you while I'm strangling you just doesn't do it for me." He answered his tone suggesting the conversation was somehow offending him._

"_Jack I'm really not complaining. I love you and I love the way you make me feel. You bring out my adventurous side and I didn't want to freak you out if I went a little crazy once in awhile. In case you haven't noticed you're incredibly hot yourself and there are times when I just want to eat you up." She explained making him laugh._

"_So what's stopping you? Eat." He teased._

"_Come on Jack, I'm serious." She protested._

"_Kate I know I can be an intense, no-nonsense individual in normal every day situations, but I don't carry that attitude into the bedroom with me. I like sex, no I love sex and I have nothing but the utmost respect and appreciation for a woman who knows what she wants in and out of the bedroom. So do you have a particular fantasy you want fulfilled?" He asked in a low husky voice._

"_I used to." She said._

"_You don't anymore?" He asked._

"_No, you're here with me. It's been fulfilled." She answered._

_He sat up and laid her back, kissing her passionately until he was forced to come up for air._

"_I'm not even close to being done fulfilling all of your hopes and dreams, whatever they may be, we're going to have them all Kate. Do you believe that?" He asked._

"_I believe you mean it and that's enough Jack." She answered._

_They spent the next few hours discussing what they wanted, what they dreamed of having and what their hopes for the future were. They spent some time joking, but in a serious kind of way, about future sexual adventures, deciding that pulling some of them off in the environment they were in would be impossible. They shared a naughty giggle over the look that would appear on Locke's face if they were to ask him if he could figure out a way to make them some latex. However, most of the conversation centered around the things both of them wanted, which were the simple things that most people want, good health, happiness, love and a family._

She remembered how sweet he'd been that night and all the things he'd wanted to give to her and how when they made love again he'd performed with so much tenderness and sincerity she was certain her heart had exploded. What she remembered the most about that night was how he'd managed to open up a part of her that had been shut down for longer than she could remember. He'd made her feel as though it was safe to dream again, that she could want things, good things and actually have a shot at obtaining them. He believed in her, but more importantly he'd made her believe in herself, believe that she was good and that she deserved all that he wanted to give her.

As she lay on her cold jail cell bed she could feel him, the way it felt when he was inside her, the way she felt when he held her in his arms, the peace and tranquility that snuggling up next to him and watching the stars could bring. She held the letter close, holding onto his love and drawing strength from it the way she always had even before he admitted his feelings for her. She finally drifted off to sleep, her dreams filled with memories of Jack, instead of the fears and the traumas that had haunted her dreams since they'd been separated. His refusing to give up on her and his thoughtful couple of paragraphs giving her the courage to hope and maybe even believe that they would be together again, free, never having to look over her shoulder again.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack spent the next two days attempting to restore some order into his life. He considered looking into purchasing a house with a yard in a neighborhood since he had a child to think about in whatever future plans he may have, but decided that could wait. Kate was also part of his future plans. He believed in his heart that she would be free eventually and that they would be together. That he felt so certain about that and had backed off the house idea in order to wait for her to help pick one out so casually rattled him a bit and made him ask himself if he was considering marrying Kate. He hadn't really thought about it, soured on the idea of holy matrimony and happily ever after, but could he really expect her to just be willing to move in and play house with him without some kind of commitment from him?

As he stood in front of the mirror, bath towel wrapped around his waist, shaving and thinking about all of this he stopped and looked into the bedroom at the small figure sleeping soundly in the middle of his bed. He smiled and shook his head.

"Obviously the best things in life are the unexpected surprises Jack so stop obsessing over tomorrow and focus on today. That's what Kate would tell you if she could tune into your head and all the nonsense you're cluttering it up with." He mumbled to himself.

He had set up a meeting with the hospital administrators and board members to discuss his employment status and then he and Riley were going to go shopping for a bed for her. He was concerned he'd never get her out of his bed if he allowed her to continue sleeping with him, not that he really minded right now. He considered the bonding that was happening between them a good thing, but he knew that the longer he let it go on the harder it would be on her so he was going to let her pick it out, make a big deal out of it, hoping the child would be eager to sleep in it, but not feeling overly confident that the transition would go smoothly.

He tried to leave Riley with Nicole's mother while he went to his meeting at the hospital, but the child became hysterical and he couldn't stand it. He took her back home and put a pretty dress on her, complete with the tights and dressy shoes his mother had picked out the day they'd shopped together. Nicole's mother put in the matching hair accessories for him and off they went, father and daughter, to the hospital to see if he still had a job.

As he drove to the hospital he thought back to the times his father would take him to the hospital with him. He could remember as far back as age five, his father taking him to work with him and handing him off to the nurses when he had a patient to tend to. He'd take young Jack around showing him the surgery suites and telling him that he was going to be the best surgeon in the country some day because anything less from the son of Christian Shephard would be considered unacceptable. He'd heard that statement or one similar to it his entire life. It never occurred to him to question it. He admired his father, loved him and wanted to be just like him.

He could also remember being five years old and being allowed to stay up and wait for his dad to come home from work. His dad would go into his study and make himself a drink and then he'd call for Jack. Jack would eagerly jump into his lap and at his dad's insistence tell him about his entire day, not that a five year old had much to tell, but it was their thing, their routine and then he would read to him or tell him a story about what had happened at the hospital that day until he fell asleep. He'd always wake up in his bed the next morning, not remembering how he got there, being snuggled up in his father's lap the last thing he remembered.

Those memories brought a smile to his face as he was driving across the freeway and he wondered how things between him and his father got so hard, well he knew how it happened, he just couldn't understand why it had to be that way. Jack shook his head as if to shake the thoughts away. It didn't matter now. He was a grown man with a child of his own and a life of his own and he needed to put all of that behind him and just hope that somehow his father knew how much he loved him, that he didn't die truly believing that his son hated him.

Jack carried Riley toward the hospital, the hospital he hadn't stepped foot in for nearly six months. It was strange, but also calming. It didn't really matter why Jack became a doctor, it was the right choice for him whether he had wanted to admit that or not. The island experience had taught him that. His natural instincts to care for and about people kicked in on the island. He wasn't taking care of all of those people because that's what was expected of Christian Shephard's son, he did it because that was what was in his heart, what he loved to do, what he knew he had to do. His father had told him as a boy not to choose, but he understood now that it was never about choosing, not for him, reacting to a situation and always being ready to come to the aid of another was just who he was.

He entered the hospital and walked straight to the elevators. The conference room he was expected in was on the 3rd floor. He looked at Riley and wondered what he was going to do with her. He hadn't thought bringing her with him through, he just knew he couldn't stand to leave her behind, crying, afraid he was going to disappear just like mommy did. He also knew they were both going to have to get past that if he were planning on returning to work. He could see their reflection in the stainless steel elevator doors, he in his suit and her in her dress and tights, looking like they were going to a wedding instead of a quick meeting.

"We look pretty sharp short stuff." He told her and entered the elevator.

He stepped off the elevator, the floor, which was the surgery floor, was quiet, but it was a Saturday and surgeries weren't typically scheduled on the weekends so there were no patients waiting or families of those patients hovering around. Everything still looked the same. He walked to the conference room door, knocked lightly and entered. The loud "SURPRISE!" that was screamed at him when he entered the room scared Riley to death, making her jump in his arms and then wrap herself around him like a little Koala Bear.

There must have been 100 to 150 people crammed into the conference room. A large sign that read "Welcome Back Dr. Shephard" hung from the ceiling along with paper streamers, balloons, a cake, finger foods, champagne and punch. He was visibly touched as doctors and nurses and administrators approached him, hugging him, many with tears in their eyes, happy that he was alive and that he was going to come back to work. A glass of champagne was shoved into his hand and his attention drawn to the front of the room. The hospital administrator, an older man Jack had known for years, was about to make a toast. He shifted Riley, trying to get her to lighten the grip she had on him and focused on the man at the front of the room.

"Jack, as devastated as we all were when we learned you were on the plane that disappeared, presumed to be lying in the bottom of the ocean some place, it can't compare to the pure elation that went through this hospital the day we found out you had survived. It's not often that you lose a member of your family and are lucky enough to have them returned to you, safe and sound. You get your affairs in order son and come back to work when you're ready. Welcome home Jack." The man said and took a sip of his champagne.

Jack shot an appreciative nod at the man and continued to mingle through the crowd of people, most of whom were polite enough not to ask him to relive his ordeal, many offering their condolences on the death of his father and all of them asking about Riley and letting him know how adorable she was. He spotted the pretty physical therapist before she got to him. Her name was Heather and they had shared a patient for a few weeks, a teenage boy injured in a motorcycle accident. Jack had put him back together and it was Heather's job to get him up and on his feet again. She was blonde and perky and seemed to be there every time Jack went to check on his young patient. They had gone out a few times and had slept together once or twice, maybe more, he couldn't remember. He knew that he probably should remember, but it was just sex to him; enjoyable sex, but nothing meaningful. He'd only experienced meaningful sex with one woman since Sarah and she was sitting in a jail cell in Iowa. Heather stopped just in front of him and brushed her hand lightly over Riley's hair making the little girl turn and cling to him again.

"Sorry, she's a little freaked out I think." Jack apologized.

"It's okay, we're all feeling that to some degree I think. So, is she your daughter Jack?" Heather asked.

"Yes, this is Riley." Jack answered as he fidgeted, feeling uncomfortable.

"I didn't know you had children Jack. Is she from your first marriage?" Heather asked moving closer to him, gently brushing his hand with hers.

He looked down at her hand and then back up, all of the sudden feeling trapped.

"Uh, yeah, Sarah." Jack answered and put some space in-between them.

"Is it true what the paper said about the girl you were on that island with? I mean how scary would it be to be trapped on an island with a murderer." Heather asked making him laugh, the absurdity of Kate being more frightening than the freaky shit that went on funny to him.

"Trust me Heather, Kate was the least scary thing about that place, you have no idea and no, it's not true what they're saying about her." Jack answered.

"Is the other stuff true?" She asked his face taking on a slightly aggravated look.

"What other stuff? I haven't read the papers or turned on the television since I've been back." He told her.

"Well, there's all the stuff about how you took care of everybody and stories about the ones you couldn't help and they're saying that you and that woman were lovers and that they can't prove it, but that you were trying to help her escape." She told him.

"Don't believe everything you read Heather." He said.

"So does that mean you weren't lovers or that you weren't trying to help her escape or both?" Heather asked.

"Look Heather, I know we had a few dates and I had a good time, you're a really nice person, but I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but I'm not interested in pursuing anything further." Jack just bluntly put it out there for her, his facial expression remaining calm with an edge of guilt.

"So I guess that means the part about the two of you being lovers is true." Heather said and winked at him.

"Kate and I are very close, we went through some pretty unbelievable ordeals on that island and we became really good friends because of it. It's hard to explain, but the situation we were in didn't allow a lot of room for trust. You never knew what to expect or who to expect it from. I had her back and she had mine. We made a good team. I've only known her five months, but she's probably the best friend I've ever had. She's a wonderful person." He explained his tone defensive.

"God Jack I just asked if you were sleeping together, not for her resume." Heather remarked.

"Yeah, I know, but that part of our relationship, if there is such a part, is none of your business." Jack told her and walked away.

He continued to mingle awhile longer, talked with the administrator for a few minutes, grabbed a cookie for Riley and left. He stopped by the surgeon's changing room, hoping that they hadn't cleaned out his locker. He walked to his locker and his name was still on it. He opened it to find a change of clothes, a pair of sneakers, toiletries and what he was looking for, his cell phone. He'd cussed himself the day he boarded the plane for forgetting it, but now he was glad that he did forget it. He had so many numbers stored on it and all it needed was a good charge. He shoved it into his pocket and closed the locker.

"Riley are you ready to go buy a new bed?" He asked.

She clapped her hands together sending cookie crumbs all over the front of his dark suit. He tried to take the rest of the cookie from her so he could clean up the mess.

"No! Mine!" She screamed making him wonder if the entire hospital heard too.

"Hey, don't scream like that, it's not nice. Say, daddy may I please have my cookie back and you may have it." He told her and held the piece of cookie up.

"Peas daddy." She said in a low, sweet voice making him smile.

"Much better, here you go, try to get some of it in your mouth." He told her and handed the cookie back to her.

They left the hospital in search of the nearest furniture store. He could tell by the cookie incident that she was getting cranky and would need lunch and a nap soon and even if she didn't, he did. They walked through the children's section of the furniture store. He was amazed there were so many different styles to choose from. He finally just picked out a twin bed and dresser and some bedding that Riley seemed to like. It was very colorful and childlike. Lots of reds, blues and yellows with cartoon puppies, the child did seem to love puppies. The store would deliver it on Monday.

They stopped at a fast food restaurant. He ordered her a kid meal and took her to the play area. After 30 minutes of watching her play he decided it was time to go home. Prying a two year old away from something they have no desire to leave was the next lesson in parenting he was about to learn.

"Riley let's go." Jack called to her.

"No." She answered and crawled inside one of the tube-shaped entrances.

He walked over to the play area and waited for her to reappear. She popped her head out of the tube and smiled at him.

"Pway Daddy." She ordered.

"No, daddy is too big to play in there. It's time to go Riley." He stood firm and reached down to pull her out of the tube.

She scooted away from him and deeper into the tube. She followed it into the pit of plastic balls and stood in the balls refusing to come out no matter how many times he insisted she come out NOW. The other mothers in the play area found the confrontation between the man and the child amusing, deciding immediately that he had no idea what he was doing.

It stopped being amusing however, when the small child slipped underneath the pile of balls and couldn't find her way back out. Jack watched frozen by fear momentarily and then quickly climbed up the small slide that led to the exit from the pit of balls. He stepped into the pit, the balls were about 20 inches deep, which wasn't all that deep, but when you're only 2-1/2 feet tall it's almost your whole body. He should've recognized the danger in that immediately and mentally cussed himself as he waded through the balls. He waded over to the area where she slipped under the balls and dug around for her until he found her and pulled her up. She was terrified, but otherwise fine. He waded back over to the exit where a couple of the other mothers were waiting to take the child from him so he could pull himself out.

With his feet back on solid ground he retrieved his crying daughter from the woman.

"Thank you." He said politely.

"I've never seen that happen before. Is she okay?" The woman asked.

"Yes, just scared." Jack answered his own voice still a bit shaken.

"Hey, aren't you that doctor from the plane crash?" The other woman asked.

Jack didn't answer. He shifted Riley to his other arm and fumbled in his pocket for his car keys.

"It is you, the guy that tried to run away with the criminal?" The other woman prodded.

Jack was becoming extremely aggravated, but was doing his best to remain calm and polite.

"If you'll excuse me ladies I need to get my daughter home." Jack said.

He could hear them whispering behind his back, was the child's mother the woman in jail or the woman he'd performed the miracle surgery on, what kind of father exposes his child to that kind of element, why wasn't a doctor smart enough to know better and all of them worried whether or not he lived close by.

He wondered just how much of his life had been written about since his return and where all the stories were coming from. The miracle surgery had to have come from friends of his or his mother because his island friends didn't know about it. Through all of the gossip and his own thoughts he noticed the little dark haired boy sitting at the edge of the play area. He was maybe four years old. He noticed how hard the boy was breathing and could hear the wheezing, rattling sound from where he stood.

"I hate to interrupt your gossip session ladies, but does he belong to one of you?" Jack asked and pointed at the boy.

"That's my son, why do you ask?" One of the women asked.

"Has he been sick?" Jack asked.

"He's had a cold." The mother asked.

"Yeah, well from where I'm standing it sounds like more than a cold. Bronchitis, pneumonia, asthma, no way to tell without a proper examination, you should get a doctor to look at him and I wouldn't wait until Monday." Jack told the woman.

"You're a doctor can't you just take a quick look?" She asked.

"No, I'm really not practicing right now, I'm not a pediatrician and you really wouldn't want to expose your son to a man that carries on with a criminal would you?" Jack asked.

The women didn't say anything. They stood silent, looking guilty and ashamed.

"Take your son to the emergency room, get him looked at. Good afternoon ladies." Jack said and left the women standing in the play area of the fast food restaurant.

By the time Jack arrived home Riley was sleeping soundly in her car seat. He managed to get her out of the car and put her into his bed without waking her up. He put her puppy and her blanket beside her and lay down beside her. He loved to watch her sleep, wondering what her young mind was dreaming about if anything and admiring how beautiful she was. He closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping when he was startled into consciousness by the telephone ringing. He grabbed the phone from the nightstand beside the bed.

"Hello." Jack said sleepily.

"Jack? It's Joseph Stypes, is this a bad time?" He asked.

"No, no. I was just uh, catching up on my sleep. Is anything wrong?" Jack asked.

"Everything is fine Jack. Kate's arraignment was postponed. As I predicted the DA isn't too eager to go forward with this. I expect him to announce that no charges will be filed on Monday. He's got nothing." He said.

"That's great. How's Kate? Is she holding up okay? Did she get my note?" Jack asked.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" The man said and after a moment of silence he heard her voice.

"Jack." Kate's voice came through the phone, the sound of his name being uttered by her bringing all of his emotions to the surface.

"It's so good to hear your voice. How are you?" He asked trying to compose himself.

"I miss you Jack." She said.

"I miss you too. Are they treating you good?" He asked.

"As good as criminals can expect to be treated I guess, but much better since this attorney you hired showed up. He's wonderful Jack. He brought me breakfast and managed to convince them to let me talk to you. Thank you." She said and began crying, the sound of it bringing his own tears to the surface.

"Don't cry Kate, it's going to be over soon and we'll be together. Do you believe that?" Jack asked.

"I'm beginning to Jack. I wish I could see you and talk to you. I don't want you to read things about me before I have the chance to tell you myself." She explained.

"Kate, don't worry about that, I don't care." He told her.

"Jack, promise me you won't read the newspapers or watch the news. Please. I will tell you everything, but I want you to hear it from me. Promise me, please." Kate pleaded.

"I promise and Kate, I love you." He said softly and sweetly and even though she couldn't see it, she knew the sincerity was in his eyes.

"I love you too, so much. I don't des…." She told him, but was cut off by him.

"Don't say that Kate, not now, not ever. You deserve to be happy, both of us do, it's a basic human right and it's time both of us stopped denying ourselves that right." Jack interrupted, his no nonsense, this isn't up for discussion tone coming through the phone line, making her smile.

"I have to go now Jack, they said I could only have five minutes. I'm keeping your note close to me, it keeps me going. You're the most special person I've ever known and I love you more than life itself." She told him and handed the phone back to the attorney.

"Jack, it's Joseph again. I'm sorry, that was all the time I could get." He apologized.

"No, thank you. I, we both appreciate it. What happens next? I need to see her." Jack pleaded.

"I'll know more on Monday Jack. If things go as planned she should be in New Mexico by the end of next week and I'll be able to arrange for you to see her." He explained to Jack.

"Thank you and just keep doing whatever it takes and let me know if I can do anything." Jack told him and hung up the phone.

He wiped the tears from his face and looked over at Riley. She was still sleeping. He got up and walked out to the living room. He stared hard at the liquor cabinet, but then opted for a soft drink instead. He barely got sat down before the phone rang again. The caller ID showed the name of a luxury Los Angeles hotel he recognized as one where he'd attended numerous medical banquets. He assumed it must be where his fellow castaways were being housed. He answered quickly before the ringing of the telephone woke Riley up.

"Jack?" The voice asked.

"Yes, who is this?" He answered.

"How quickly they forget, it's me dude, Hurley." The voice laughed.

"Hey Hurley, how's it going?" Jack replied the happiness in his voice surprising even himself. Was he seriously missing these people?

"It's all good man, hey listen, we're having kind of a party tonight. A bunch of us are headed off to our permanent homes tomorrow and we thought we'd all get together. So, what do you say Jack, can we count you in?" Hurley asked.

"Sounds like fun Hurley, but I've kind of got other obligations. I don't think I can make it." Jack declined, the disappointment he was feeling also taking him by surprise.

"Dude, you've gotta come. What's a party without our fearless leader?" Hurley prodded.

"Probably a lot more fun." Jack replied.

"Come on Jack, everyone wants to see you before they go home." Hurley pleaded.

"I'll try. I'll have to see if I can make some arrangements." Jack sighed not wanting to explain to Hurley that he'd need to find a babysitter for his traumatized two year old.

"Oh that, Sawyer told us about your uh, surprise so you should just bring her with you. Claire will have Aaron and well we'd like to meet her. Come on Jack, it'll be fun." Hurley continued to pressure him.

"Okay Hurley what time?" Jack asked.

"Dinner is at 7 o'clock in the main banquet room. Do you need directions?" Hurley asked.

"No, I'm familiar with the hotel. I'll see you at seven and thanks for inviting me, us." Jack said and hung up the phone.

A part of him was excited to be going, but a big part of him was sad that he'd be going without Kate and he knew there would be a lot of questions about her. He was surprised at how this group of people who were strangers to him six months ago, felt more like family and friends to him than the people he'd left behind. The happiness he felt when he heard Hurley's voice making him realize how much he cared about them and how it was naïve of him to think he could just walk away from them. He was certain that whatever life he'd had before he left for Australia was never going to be his life again and he smiled as he realized that wasn't a loss worth mourning.

He was about to go and check on Riley when the doorbell rang. He sighed heavily wondering who or what new surprise waited outside the door, not realizing just how surprised he was about to be.

He opened the door and immediately recognized the woman standing there. She was dressed very casually, very normal and her hair and makeup were toned way down, making her very cute instead of hot and oozing with sex appeal the way he remembered her. His eyes traveled down, landed and froze for a moment on her extended belly. He felt dread and panic shoot through every nerve ending in his body, but then decided he was jumping to conclusions, swallowed hard and greeted his guest.

"Hello Kasey." He said his voice almost squeaking his mouth suddenly very dry.

"Hi Jack. May I come in and talk to you for a few minutes?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure." He said and opened the door for her.

She entered his home and sat down on his couch. He studied her hard trying to calculate just how pregnant she was, but couldn't or most likely didn't really want to try to guess.

"Would you like something to drink?" Jack asked suddenly not wanting to sit still and hear what she had to say to him.

"No Jack, I'm fine. Could you please just sit down. I need to talk to you." Kasey said.

Jack sat on the couch with her, keeping a cushion between them. He was very uncomfortable. He'd treated her so badly that night and was embarrassed to be sitting in the same room with her, ashamed of his behavior.

"Kasey, I want to apologize.." He started but was cut off by her putting her hand up.

"It doesn't matter Jack. Look, there is no easy way to say this so I'm just going to put it out there for you. This is yours." She said pointing at her stomach.

"Are you sure it's mine?" He asked, his tone objective, the implication clear.

"You are the only man I've slept with Jack…..ever." She told him the emphasis on ever not lost on him. The realization of the emotional pain he must've inflicted on her smacking him right between the eyes.

"Kasey, why didn't you say something?" He asked.

"Should I have said something before or after you bent me over that table and drove yourself inside of me?" She asked gesturing toward the table in the dining room, tears welling up and a few escaping down her cheeks.

"Don't. I feel awful, but don't make it sound like I raped you. The way you were always throwing yourself at me, the things you used to whisper in my ear, how was I supposed to know?" He asked, visibly upset and not about the pregnancy, but over his rough treatment of a young woman who had been playing a game with him, a game that ended up hurting her because she didn't really know how to play as well as her actions led him to believe she did.

He looked at her and then back down, unable to maintain eye contact with her, ashamed and remembering how their night of rough sex had begun. They'd made their way from the elevator to his door and then inside, slowly pulling at each other's clothes, her trying to kiss him and him pulling his mouth away and down to her neck, biting, probably too hard, anything to keep from allowing any kind of deep, meaningful kissing to happen, nothing that intimate because it wasn't about intimacy, not to him anyway. Once inside she grabbed a handful of his crotch and squeezed, that action combined with his rancid mood and the liquor in his system turning him into someone he didn't recognize.

He unzipped his pants and pushed her head down, never speaking, letting his state of arousal do his talking. She didn't resist or even seem to mind, hungrily taking him into her mouth, sucking and licking and doing everything she could to bring him relief that wouldn't come, the alcohol and the anger inside of him keeping that from happening. He pulled her away and stood her up, turned her around and bent her over the dining room table, jerking her panties down hard and angrily plunging into her, the tight fit adding to the animal excitement that had taken over his senses. He pounded in and out of her hard and fast and he came hard, burying himself as deep as he could and oh shit, she was right, he hadn't stopped to put on a condom. He'd gotten caught up in the unbearable agony, the urgent need to release and let go of his rage with that release, and he went for it, his mind half gone and the other half crazy at that point.

He'd taken her to his bed after that and she seemed willing to go, ready for more. There were no tears, no looks of fear, no indication what so ever that it had been her first time or that he might've been hurting her. She didn't complain and seemed to be ready to go again every time he was, or was she? She didn't resist or ask him to stop, but he'd been using lots of lube and not for enjoyable fun, but because he wasn't in the mood for foreplay, not wanting to bother with getting her worked up naturally or wanting to be bothered with checking to see if she was ready to take him again. He was in a state of mind that had turned him into something he didn't recognize, never showing her one bit of affection, not one gentle caress, his hands never used for anything other than positioning her the way he wanted her. Had she even come one time out of the five or six times he'd fucked her. He couldn't remember and he couldn't remember having ever treated any woman like that. He felt awful, wished he could take it back, wished he could undo the hurt he'd inflicted on her, but he knew it was done and he'd be that brutal asshole that fucked her brains out and knocked her up and didn't even bother to kiss her.

"Listen Jack, I know that my behavior and all the flirting and the sex talk got me exactly what I deserved. I thought you were a nice guy and that by the time we actually got to that point you'd understand and it would be all sweet and romantic, just like in all those stupid romance novels I've obviously read too many of." Kasey explained driving the knife in just a little deeper.

"You didn't deserve that and I am sorry. I know you probably don't believe that, but if I could undo it I would. I hope that you've talked with someone about this Kasey because what happened between us was wrong on so many levels and shouldn't be your one lasting impression of sex." Jack apologized.

"I was pretty screwed up there for awhile Jack. I know you didn't rape me, but it felt like you did. It hurt and I could barely move when I woke up the next morning, the muscles in my legs were tested in ways they weren't used to be tested and were very sore." She told him.

"Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you, god I would've stopped. Just one plea or a few tears would've brought me to my senses." Jack asked his voice soft, the shame he was feeling starting to consume him.

"I didn't know any better Jack. I thought maybe it was supposed to feel that way. Look, I've worked through all of that and I accept my share of the blame for what happened. If you act like a whore you're going to get treated like one. For what it's worth Jack, I was never afraid of you. My feelings were hurt, but you weren't threatening in any way. I would've told you if you were scaring me and I believe telling you that would've made you stop, so don't beat yourself up too much. I didn't come here to make you feel bad." Kasey explained.

"Why did you come here? Well, obviously I have some responsibility here, but was there something else?" He asked his brain still too shocked over what he'd done to her to be upset that she was about 6 months pregnant with his child.

"By the time I realized I was pregnant you were presumed dead. I made up my mind to put this baby up for adoption and clean up my act. I'm going to go back to school and get my degree and leave the excessive cock-teasing to women that want that sort of relationship. But then you turned up alive and I felt like you had the right to know, that I couldn't just give your child away without allowing you a choice in the matter. So, I'm here today to give you your options. You can sign the papers or you can keep this baby and raise it by yourself. Either way, I'm out of the picture. I'm going back to New York to live with my mother who has been very supportive in my decision not to keep this baby." Kasey explained.

"Um, I uh. I don't know what to say. Can I have some time to think about this? Let it sink in and weigh my options." He asked.

"Sure. I'm going to stay here with my brother until the baby is born and then I'll be moving back to New York. You've got about 3 months to figure out what you want Jack. Do you want to know the sex of the baby? Would that make a difference?" She asked drawing a look of confusion from him.

"Why would that….never mind. No, I don't want to know anything about the baby. If I decide to let it be adopted, the less I know the better." He told her.

"Okay Jack, well that's all I needed to say. I'm glad you're safe. Forgetting about that night isn't something that I'll ever be able to do, but being able to accept it as a big mistake and move on is doable for me. I don't hate you or anything Jack and hopefully you don't hate me either." She said.

"Hate, why would I hate you?" Jack asked.

"Because this is probably the last thing you need to deal with right now." Kasey said.

"Probably, but this is the sort of thing that happens when you behave badly Kasey and I don't deal with my mistakes by hating other people. I don't hate you. I hate myself for what I put you through and whatever the decision I'll pay for any expenses." Jack offered.

"We'll work all that out Jack. Take your time, but try not to leave me hanging in the delivery room wondering what the fate of this baby is. Okay?" Kasey asked.

"Sure and Kasey I'm really sorry. I hope you'll be able to forgive me some day." Jack said.

"I forgave you a long time ago Jack, forgetting is something else. Forgetting what a seemingly kind and generous man is capable of under the right circumstances gives a girl cause to consider her future options, to make better choices about what buttons to push and when. I made a conscious choice to throw myself at you that night. It's not anyone's fault but mine. Accepting responsibility for your screw ups makes dealing with them a lot easier wouldn't you agree?" She asked.

"Definitely." He replied.

"Well, you've acknowledged your mistakes in all this so make your decision about the baby and move on Jack. It's all either one of us can do." She told him.

Jack nodded, amazed at the maturity she was displaying and wondering why she'd chosen to cover this person up with the shameless flirt that used to prowl the hallways and elevators. He walked her to the door and closed it, leaning against it, rubbing his head and then looking back up at the liquor cabinet. He wanted to drink. Could his life get any more ridiculous? God, what had he done? While his father was dying behind some bar in Sydney, he was creating a life with as much rage as he'd ever felt. He could remember exactly how he felt at that moment of release, like he was spilling every drop of hurt, anger and disgust he'd ever felt into that woman, getting it out of his body the only way he knew how at that moment and then using her up for the rest of the night. Pounding away at the womb that was holding onto every vile thing in his life, the vileness he'd just deposited into her. It was despicable, everything about it was wrong and he knew that he could never look at a child that was created under those circumstances and not relive those feelings, perhaps not even be able to love it.

Was he really willing to sign away a child of his this easily? He felt nothing for that unborn child at the moment, but would that pass once he got over hating himself for what he'd done? He could look at Riley and remember the love he had for Sarah and they'd created a beautiful child while expressing that love. Perhaps the love was a bit one-sided at that point, but Sarah had loved him very deeply once and when Riley was conceived things were still civil between them, the ugliness not coming out until later. He would never be able to look at this child the way he does Riley and what about Kate, how was she going to feel about this ready made family he had waiting for her. It would be unfair for him to expect her to want to raise his children. For all he knew she didn't even want children. He couldn't talk to her about it though, she had enough to deal with, his problems trivial compared to what she was dealing with. He couldn't make this decision without keeping her in mind though. His mind was ticking along at a harried pace, the thoughts racing out of control, his stress increasing with each passing second. He continued to eye the liquor cabinet, wishing he could drink himself into stupidity and forget about everything, forget about his father, his mother, Sarah, Riley and Kate, just for one night not feel anything.

The light cries coming from the bedroom got his attention, making him push himself off the door and walk toward the cries. Since he'd had her she'd been waking up scared and confused, crying and whimpering. He could hear her calling out to him, the small voice calling "daddy" snapping him out of his desire to drink, pushing the newest problem back and allowing him to focus on the now. He knew that issues were piling up, knew he was going to have to stop playing the "live in the day" game and deal with them and stop pretending he could learn to exist in the now and never worry about tomorrow. It was ridiculous, not to mention irresponsible.


	14. Chapter 14

Jack lay down with Riley and let her finish waking up. She crawled onto him, sprawled over his chest, one hand full of security blanket the other full of his shirt, her head resting just above his heart, his hand gently rubbing circles over her back, reassuring her, making her feel safe. This was their routine. She hadn't stopped wanting her mother, but she had stopped asking for her, deciding that this daddy person was okay. He wished she was a little older, old enough for him to explain to her that he loves her and will keep her safe and that it's okay to wake up alone because he's not going to leave her. The contempt he felt for Sarah every time he had to hold his scared little girl and listen to her whimper and work to clam herself down was an emotion he'd never felt toward her. He supposed he should've hated her for cheating on him, but he didn't. He believed his neglect had driven her into the arms of another man or maybe that was just how his male ego chose to deal with it. This, what she'd done to their daughter, was inexcusable and he hoped for Sarah's sake that she never came knocking on his door wanting to see her again.

As he lay patiently waiting for Riley to be ready to move away from him his thoughts returned to the conversation he'd just had with Kasey. He understood her decision to not raise the baby and he admired how well she was handling the situation. Her decision wasn't based on how the child was conceived, it was based on what she felt was best for the child. She was single, very young and felt like she couldn't offer the child a stable, loving home, but what was his excuse? Did it really matter that he was basically telling the entire world to fuck off when the baby was conceived? Was it going to be born angry and pissed off at the world because that was how he felt when he created it? He was too educated, too much of a scientist to truly believe something like that. Wasn't he?

"You're such a head case sometimes Jack." He mumbled to himself.

Riley heard him mumble and looked up at him.

"Hey kiddo, are you ready to get up?" He asked softly.

"Juice." She said in a somewhat whiney tone.

"Juice please." He corrected her.

"Peas daddy." She replied.

"Can I have a kiss and a hug first?" He asked.

She crawled up his chest, kissed him and hugged him. He hugged her back, probably too tight, needing to embrace the one thing in his life that he hadn't managed to screw up……yet.

"Come on, let's go get some juice." He told her as he lifted them both off the bed and carried her into the kitchen.

He filled the remainder of his day playing with Riley, bathing her and getting her dressed to go to the party at the hotel. They stopped at Nicole's condo so one of the women could fix her hair for him, promising he would let them teach him how to do it himself as soon as one of them had five or six hours to spare.

He arrived at the banquet room a few minutes early, greeted by Hurley who Riley seemed to take an instant liking to. He sat at a table with Claire, Aaron, Hurley, Sayid and Sawyer. Sawyer spent very little time sitting, uncomfortable with the family like atmosphere Jack assumed. It didn't take long for Riley to relax among Jack's island friends and soon after they had arrived she was being passed around and told how cute she was and how much she looked like her daddy, the latter always making Jack smile. They of course had to try to feed her samples of everything, food always seeming to be the way adults found a comfort level with children. Claire sat beside Jack, both watching their children being passed around the room, amused and happy to get a break from holding them. Jack was on his sixth or seventh drink, Claire wasn't sure, but she was becoming concerned about him.

"Is everything okay Jack?" Claire asked.

"Yeah." Jack replied.

"How is Kate? Have you heard anything?" Claire asked.

"She's hanging in there. I don't want to say anything until I know for sure what's going to happen." Jack answered, downed his drink and began flagging down the waitress so he could order another one.

"Don't you think you've had enough Jack?" Claire asked.

"Probably, but tonight I've discovered that the more I drink, the less I notice that she's not here." Jack answered honestly, sadly, his eyes watery and emotional.

Realizing he was being a definite mood killer he glanced back toward the open balcony where Sawyer was outside smoking and then back at Claire and changed the subject.

"So, how are things going with you and Sawyer? It feels really strange to be asking you that." He laughed.

"I'm not sure Jack. He's very kind, very protective without smothering me, but I get the sense that it's a brotherly thing." Claire explained.

"Do you want it to be more than that? I mean, he is kind of cute in a brash, redneck, gets on your last nerve kind of way." Jack joked.

"Would you think that was crazy?" Claire asked.

"Six months ago I probably would've, but I've seen glimpses of what Kate managed to see before the rest of us did. There's a decent guy under the bravado, he just probably needs a reason to let the decent guy out more often. Do you want be the reason?" Jack asked.

"You know Hurley has been so generous, giving us a place to stay until both of us figure out what we want to do, trying to convince Sawyer to use his um… unique abilities for good, for business ventures and such." Claire quickly changed the subject.

"You didn't answer my question Claire. You really like him don't you?" Jack asked the alcohol making him pry for information he normally wouldn't.

"It doesn't matter Jack because I don't think he likes me in that way, but a girl can never have too many brotherly types." Claire told him.

"I guess, but you already got me and Hurley and Locke, Sayid and so on, how many brotherly types can a girl stand before she wants out of the family." Jack commented chuckling lightly at what an odd family portrait that would be.

"You're drunk Jack." Claire said.

"Yes, I am. So, where's Charlie?" Jack asked.

"After the last incident, he left, said he was going to Seattle. I feel bad. Maybe I should've just pretended to like him the way he wanted me to. He was good to Aaron and to me. I mean, would it have been so terrible?" Claire said obviously still torn over the situation.

"Having been on the receiving end of the pretending, having a woman go through the motions because she can't be honest, it sucks Claire, you did the right thing, trust me." Jack offered confessing a part of his past to her.

"I'm sorry Jack." Claire said.

"What are you sorry for?" Jack asked.

"That you've been hurt and betrayed. You don't seem like the type of man that hurts or betrays people, so it doesn't seem fair." Claire said.

"I've hurt my fair share of people Claire and I betrayed someone very important to me. I appreciate that you've got this noble image of me, but I'm really not worthy of it. Can I get you something from the bar?" He asked as he stood up.

Claire shook her head no and watched Jack walk to the bar. He wasn't staggering drunk, but he was definitely over the legal limit and steadily climbing. She'd seen the hurt and the pain in his eyes when he mentioned Kate and couldn't imagine how difficult it had been for him. She'd seen a happier, less stressed Jack the last few weeks on the island, but that Jack was gone and the hurt, angry, stressed out version they'd all come to know was back. It made Claire sad to see that he was back to that state of mind again.

Jack strolled out to the balcony with Sawyer.

"So is the view that great or do you just hate the company inside?" Jack asked.

"Both." Sawyer grumbled.

"Give me one of those cigarettes." Jack said holding his hand out.

"What? You're smoking now?" Sawyer asked looking him over.

"I smoke sometimes when I drink and I love a good cigar once in awhile." Jack answered.

"Ain't that sort of behavior against some medical law?" Sawyer objected.

"Would you just give me a goddamn cigarette Sawyer." Jack snapped at him.

"Hell doc, no need to have a tantrum. What's got a burr up your ass tonight?" Sawyer asked and handed him a cigarette.

"What doesn't?" Jack answered with a short, sick laugh.

"Things not goin well with Kate?" Sawyer asked genuinely concerned.

"I can't really say, but it could be a lot worse. She should be here, tonight, for this. It doesn't feel right." Jack said solemnly.

"That it don't." Sawyer agreed.

"So I hear you're going to do some kind of business deals for Hurley. Gonna build some hotels and spas on our favorite island paradise?" Jack joked.

"Yeah, I can see the brochure now…'If you survive, your money back, guaranteed'." Sawyer responded sarcastically making Jack laugh.

"She likes you, you know." Jack said.

"Who?" Sawyer asked in an aggravated tone.

"Claire." Jack answered.

"Yeah, well I could give her a list of women that would tell her why she shouldn't." Sawyer growled.

"Give it a rest Sawyer, it's so tiring. You've got a chance to have something good, something decent. Don't fuck it up so you can keep on punishing yourself for whatever it is you've done." Jack protested.

"What would you know about it?" Sawyer hissed.

"Plenty." Jack shot back.

"I'm bad doc, you're just going to have to trust me on this one." Sawyer argued.

"I believe you've done some bad things, things people don't need to know about, but you're not bad here." Jack said sticking his finger into Sawyer's chest, pointing at his heart.

"What makes you so sure?" Sawyer asked.

"Because people who are just naturally bad don't have to work as hard at it as you do and they certainly don't walk around looking tormented over their behavior the way you do. Goddamn Sawyer, would it kill you to just be happy, make her happy, maybe end up making a nice home for Aaron." Jack insisted, the liquor in him working like a truth serum.

"You're plastered doc and why the hell don't you take your own advice. You've been moping around all night long." Sawyer told him.

"I'm not moping, I've got a lot of shit on my mind, but after a few more of these I should be at the very least, comfortably numb and unable to think." Jack replied holding his empty drink glass up.

"Yeah and what about that baby in there, she supposed to drive herself home, tuck herself into bed?" Sawyer asked the question hitting Jack like a punch in the stomach.

Jack looked into the banquet room. Riley was sitting in Hurley's lap, playing peek-a-boo or patty cake, he wasn't sure since he'd never actually played either. His beautiful little baby girl that he wants to trust him, sitting in there unaware that her father is close to being falling down drunk and not capable of taking care of her. Why should she trust him, he was about to be another adult that let her down, too selfish to realize he can't go to parties with his two year old and drink, too wrapped up in all the personal messes he'd created to remember the huge responsibility he had waiting for him a couple of hundred feet away. He slid down to the ground, his back leaning against the balcony railing, his legs stretched out, staring solemnly into the banquet room. Sawyer squatted down beside him.

"Hey, you okay?" Sawyer asked shaking his shoulder lightly causing Jack to turn his head in that direction and look at him.

"No, I'm at the end of my rope I think." Jack answered quietly, ashamed, full of quit.

"Hell, you ain't planning nothing stupid like hangin yourself with it are you?" Sawyer asked making Jack chuckle lightly and drop his head back, looking up at the night sky.

"I'll make a deal with you Sawyer, you don't fuck things up with Claire and I won't hang myself." Jack suggested still star gazing.

"I don't make deals with drunks, but I'll think about it. That work for ya doc?" Sawyer asked.

"It works. Do me a favor?" Jack asked.

"Depends on what it is." Sawyer answered.

"I need to sober up. Could you get me some coffee, lots of coffee?" Jack asked.

"I think you're beyond the coffee stage doc, you're in the 'need to sleep it off' stage." Sawyer told him.

"I can't, my kid." Jack argued his words starting to slur, the full affects of the liquor finally hitting him and having its way with him.

"She'll be okay." Sawyer said.

"It happened." Jack sighed.

"What happened?" Sawyer asked waving Sayid out onto the balcony.

"I've become my father." Jack said his words full of sadness and regret the rest of his body close to passing out.

"A man can't have a need to forget his problems once in awhile?" Sawyer asked.

"Not when he's got responsibilities." Jack answered.

"So what, you been getting drunk every day since we got back?" Sawyer asked.

"No, but I wanted to." Jack answered.

"Why didn't you?" Sawyer asked.

"Because I couldn't, I had to take care of things, take care of Kate, take care of Riley." Jack explained his voice nearing a whisper.

"Think any of that would've stopped your daddy?" Sawyer responded not expecting an answer as Jack was on the verge of passing out. Sayid walked out onto the balcony and looked at the two men strangely.

"What's going on?" Sayid asked.

"Doc can't hold his liquor. Help me get him up." Sawyer answered.

"What are we going to do with him?" Sayid asked.

"We'll take him up to my room, let him sleep it off." Sawyer told him.

"What about his daughter? What would make Jack do something this irresponsible?" Sayid asked as he draped one of Jack's arms over his shoulder.

"Hell if anyone deserved to get shit-faced once we got rescued it'd be this guy, at least he waited until he knew his kid would be safe." Sawyer reasoned as he draped Jack's other arm over his shoulder.

The two men pulled Jack up and steadied him.

"You have a unique way of looking at things Sawyer." Sayid mused.

"I'm a unique guy. Let's get him upstairs." Sawyer ordered.

The two men walked and finally dragged Jack upstairs to Sawyer's room. He was passed out and dead weight by the time they dropped him on the bed. They took his shoes off, threw a blanket over him and watched for a moment, wondering if it was safe to leave him alone.

"Let him sleep for a couple of hours and we'll see if we can rouse him. The others don't need to know about this." Sawyer suggested surprising Sayid.

"It is interesting to consider where our island journey has taken us." Sayid said.

"What?" Sawyer asked in his tone surly.

"Six months ago you would've taken full advantage of Jack's current situation and used it against him. Today you wish to protect him." Sayid said.

"Yeah, well six months ago you tortured me and then tried to kill me. Guess the island journey took you some place too." Sawyer said aggravated with the conversation.

"I guess it did." Sayid responded and smiled.

They left Jack to sleep off the liquor and rejoined the party. It was only 9 PM. Jack had managed to consume seven or eight drinks in less than two hours, definitely a man on a mission to obliterate himself if only for one night. By midnight the party was breaking up. They had managed to keep Riley entertained and not noticing that her daddy had disappeared, but by 11 PM she was getting tired and began asking for her daddy, being held in check by promises that they'd go and get him. By midnight she wanted her daddy and wasn't going to be denied, ready to throw a full blown tantrum if one of the adults didn't produce him and produce him quick.

Hurley and Claire had been distracting her, trying to buy Jack time to sleep off some of the alcohol, but the child was close to crying so they decided it was time to take her upstairs to him and just hope they could wake him up. Sawyer let them into the room. Jack hadn't moved much since Sawyer and Sayid left him. He was flat on his back, snoring, had kicked the blanket off and the smell of alcohol permeated the room.

"Dude, how many drinks did he have? It smells like a bar in here." Hurley commented and carried Riley over to the bed.

"Daddy go nite-nite." Riley said.

"Does Riley want to lay down with her daddy?" Claire coaxed the child.

Riley squirmed away from Hurley and onto the bed beside Jack. She scooted up beside him and relaxed onto her knees. She reached out and put both of her hands on his chest and pushed.

"Daddy up!" She demanded and continued to push on him, but Jack didn't stir.

"What should we do?" Claire asked.

"Beats me, do you think she'll cry if we try to pry her away?" Hurley asked.

"I'm guessing that would be a yes. Just leave her. I'll lay over there in the other bed and keep an eye on her. Surely she'll give it up and go to sleep or something." Sawyer suggested.

"Dude, what if it's the or something?" Hurley asked.

"Then I'll come and get you Mary Poppins. Good night." Sawyer told them and shooed them out of his room.

He closed the door and made himself comfortable on the other bed, glancing over at the little girl to make sure she was still there. She hadn't moved much, just kept sitting on her knees trying to wake Jack up, looking at him he supposed like little girls are supposed to look at their father, trusting and adoring, as if the man sleeping in the bed was her entire world. Just one more thing about Jack for him to be jealous about he guessed.

He thought about allowing the scene to make him angry, make him mentally suggest that Jack had everything and cared so little about it he filled himself up with booze and was neglecting it. But, he'd seen the look in Jack's eyes when he realized what he'd done tonight, the guilt, the shame and most importantly the genuine remorse and he knew that everything in the world Jack cared about was sitting right beside him trying to wake him up and the rest was sitting in a jail cell in Iowa and he understood why Jack had gotten so drunk.

Sawyer understood drinking the pain away. He didn't know the circumstances behind Jack suddenly having a two year old to take care of, but knowing what he did about Jack he figured whatever situation brought the child to him was most likely unpleasant and painful for him and he knew that the situation with Kate was probably eating him up. He continued to watch the little girl and chuckled at how persistent she was.

"You are definitely his kid." Sawyer said as he got up and walked over to the bed and shook Jack until he opened his eyes.

Jack looked at Sawyer, confused for a moment and then closed his eyes again. Sawyer shook him again and slapped his face a couple of times until he opened his eyes, looking pissed off this time.

"What the fu……….?" Jack started, stopped by Sawyer putting his finger up to his lip, shushing him and pointing at Riley.

Jack looked over and saw her sitting on her knees looking at him. He looked around the room and then back at Sawyer.

"Where am I?" Jack asked.

"You're in my hotel room and that's where you're staying, but you need to get your kid to join you in slumberville." Sawyer told him and walked back over to the other bed.

Jack looked back at Riley.

"Daddy up!" She demanded.

"Daddy's tired Riley. Come here and lay down with me." Jack coaxed patting his chest.

"Poppy." She whined.

"Your puppy is at home baby." Jack told her.

"Poppy go nite-nite." She insisted her bottom lip puckering out, giving him the ready to cry look he couldn't stand and no amount of liquor was going to change that.

"Sawyer, I'm going to catch a cab. I'll come back tomorrow and get my car." Jack said as he sat up, not sure whether to hold onto his spinning, throbbing head or his spinning, queasy stomach.

"You serious?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, she won't go to sleep without her puppy and her blanket." Jack groaned.

"You're serious?" Sawyer asked again.

"Yes Sawyer I'm serious. For two years she knew one parent and one home and a few days ago she wakes up from a nap and all that is gone and she's suddenly stuck with me and if that damn stuffed animal and blanket gives her enough security to keep this whole incident from completely screwing her up then it's worth the cab ride home." Jack snapped at him, holding his head, then his stomach and then running to the bathroom.

Jack came out of the bathroom, Riley was standing at the door waiting for him and Sawyer was stretched out on his bed.

"Cab's downstairs and the meter is probably running, so you better get going." Sawyer told him.

Jack picked Riley up and the two men shared a look and then a nod.

"Good night Sawyer." Jack said as he closed the door to the room.

The days that followed went a bit smoother for Jack. He managed to get Riley's bedroom put together and make it look friendly and inviting. She would start out in her own bed, but Jack usually woke up with her right beside him the next morning. He didn't mind, in fact he began to look forward to it as she no longer woke up crying, but instead would greet him with wide eyes and a commanding "Daddy Up!".

He wanted to get back to work and get Riley as well as himself into a routine. He began interviewing nannies, finding fault with all of them. After he had denied the ninth applicant for the job he was ready to give up and look into the daycare the hospital provided. His tenth applicant, Nicole's mother was the solution for now. She'd watched him reject applicant after applicant and decided she could take on the job until Jack was in a better place emotionally to deal with leaving his daughter with a complete stranger.

By the end of the week he hadn't heard from Kate's attorney and was beginning to worry. The man finally called on Monday morning, a week longer than initially expected. No murder charges would be filed in Iowa. She was already on her way to New Mexico and he had been talking with the DA there for the past week. Kate's arraignment in New Mexico would be on Thursday or Friday. She would be charged with armed robbery. He was hoping to he would able to plead her out and avoid a trial, but if the DA wouldn't make a reasonable deal, he was willing to take his chances with a jury. He was certain the judge would not deny bail, but getting permission for her to leave the state would have to be dealt with separately and on another day. He advised Jack to fly to New Mexico on Thursday ready to post the bail and ready to spend some time with Kate.

Jack hung up the phone and realized his hands were shaking, the relief he felt allowing the fear he had buried to come to the surface and the knowledge that in just a few days he was going to be able to see her, touch her, hold her and talk to her causing an adrenaline rush. He was ready to pick up the phone and make his flight arrangements when it suddenly dawned on him that he couldn't just pick up and go he had two year old sleeping in the next room. He couldn't take her with him. Kate didn't know about Riley and he certainly wasn't just going to show up with her on his hip. There was also a part of him that didn't want his time with Kate to be interrupted by a two year old and he wrestled with how selfish that was. He didn't know what to do and who could he talk to about this, his mother? The idea of that made him laugh out loud.

Later that morning, he took Riley to Nicole's mother so he could go to work. She noticed he was preoccupied and worried and finally managed to get him to sit down, have some coffee and tell her what was going on. He was afraid if he told her about Kate she might not want anything to do with him or Riley anymore, but to his surprise she didn't flinch, listening to every word and then quietly considering the options before speaking.

"First of all Jack, wanting or needing adult time away from your daughter doesn't make you selfish or a bad father. I understand you're worried about leaving her because of the trauma Sarah put her through, but reassurance from you followed by phone calls to her while you're gone will get her through it. She needs to know that when you go away, you will come back. The longer she goes without learning and understanding that you go away, but come back, the harder it will be on her when you finally do have to go away some place." She told him.

"I guess that makes sense, but I really don't know anything for sure. Child psychology isn't my specialty." He said.

"It's not my specialty either and personally I think kids today are raised with too much psychology and not enough discipline, but that's neither here nor there. I would be happy to keep her for you Jack." She offered.

"I can't ask you to do that, but thanks." Jack said.

"Why can't you? How many times have you given me free medical advice or looked at one of my sick kids for me on a weekend? Remember when Nicole was 12 and you ran to the skateboarding park with me when her friends showed up saying she was hurt?" She reminded him.

"Yeah, that was pretty bad, I was glad you didn't happen upon that by yourself. Skateboards rate right up there with trampolines as the most stupid toy you can buy your child…um…sorry." He said and she laughed at him.

"So you'll let me keep Riley for you while you go see this woman?" She asked.

"Maybe I just shouldn't go, Kate would understand I think." He continued to struggle with the issue.

"Jack, I've known you for a long time and judging by the way your eyes and face light up every time you mention this woman's name, you need to go. Riley will be fine. She and I get along great and she loves Nicole and my boys." She pushed.

"You're sure?" Jack asked.

"Yes Jack. We've been neighbors forever and I don't think anyone, including my family and closest friends, have been there for me and my kids the way you have been since Paul died. So, now it's my turn to be there for you." She said.

"Okay, but you have to promise me you will call me if she's too upset and I will come home." Jack agreed.

"I promise Jack, now go, you've got to get to work so you can arrange some time off." She said and winked at him.

Jack felt a little awkward asking for time off when he'd just been back to work for a couple of days. He had told the hospital administrator that it would be a likely scenario though and it wasn't like he had built up a patient load in such a short time, spending most of his time being the surgeon on call, easing his way back into his professional life by handling the surgeries that came through the ER. His colleagues stood by stunned and in awe as he would perform a routine surgery while describing the less than routine procedures he had performed on the island. It was the only time Jack talked about the island, as if a surgery suite was a doctor's equivalent of a confessional. They all listened attentively without asking questions, realizing that it was Jack's way of dealing with the traumas he had endured.

He lay in bed the night before he was to leave for New Mexico. Riley slept in the empty space of his bed where Sarah used to sleep. They didn't start out in Riley's bed on this night. She had fallen asleep on the living room floor watching a cartoon and he'd gone ahead and put her in his bed, knowing she would find her way in eventually and he because he needed to be near her. He watched her sleep and wondered if she would be okay or if she was going to be scared when he didn't come home the next night. He hoped for her sake his life would settle down some. She was just a little girl and needed a stable home and so far it had been anything but stable.

He had to make a decision about the baby Kasey was carrying and soon, it wasn't fair to leave her wondering. He couldn't decide if he should tell Kate about Riley and the pregnant one night stand. Riley she wouldn't find overly shocking, but Kasey was another story and he wondered how she was going to react to the news. Regardless of his decision he had to be honest and tell Kate what he'd done, but should he wait for a better time, hopefully a time when Kate isn't stressed out about possibly going to prison. He wondered if Kate knew he was coming, if she knew they were going to be spending time together and if she was looking forward to it as much as he was. Did she miss him as much as he missed her? Did she want the same things that he wanted? Once free from the threat of going to jail would she want a life with him? Was it fair for him to assume she would just want to move in with him and live happily ever after? They had never really discussed the future, their island circumstances too grim to consider anything beyond the day and once rescued they never had a chance to talk about the things they might want. He realized that he and Kate really didn't know each other. They only knew the island versions of each other. Would she find the version of him that lived in civilization boring?

He was obsessing way beyond the moment again, but he couldn't help it, he needed order and structure in his life. He needed to know if he could count on making her a part of his plans because more than order and structure, he needed her in his life. These thoughts and worries would keep his brain actively ticking along until 3 AM, or at least that was what the clock said the last time he'd looked. When the alarm went off at 5:30 AM he groaned, eyes burning from lack of sleep, brain not wanting to fully recover and become alert. He finally pulled himself out of bed and into the shower, anxious about what his time with Kate would bring.


	15. Chapter 15

Jack's plane touched down in Las Cruces, New Mexico around 1 PM. The attorney had called him on his cell phone while he was checking his luggage at LAX. There had been a change of plans and Jack was supposed to meet him at a hotel in Las Cruces. He wouldn't talk to Jack about what was going on, only telling him not to worry and to meet him in the bar in the lobby. Even though he'd told Jack not to worry, he did. He knew something had gone wrong and that he wasn't going to get to see Kate after all. He wasn't sure if he could handle the disappointment and couldn't bear to think of how disappointed Kate was, thinking she was going to be free on bail only to be shot down again and sent back to sit in a lonely jail cell. The idea of her sitting in a jail cell made him nauseous and he was grateful that he hadn't been allowed to visit her in that environment. The sadness that enveloped him every time he imagined her confined in a small space, alone, cold and shivering with fear, a fear he couldn't even begin to imagine, was too much to bear so he would quickly dismiss it before the mental images could turn him into an emotional train wreck.

He hated that she'd been dealing with this alone. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe, but he'd barely been allowed to speak to her, her voice, while the sound of it had made him happy it had also revealed how scared and lonely she was. On the island he could always tell when Kate was feeling anxious or unsure or even a little lonely and he'd sit beside her and think of something to talk to her about. Sometimes they'd just sit, not speaking, each able to sense what the other was feeling and they could sit like that for a long time, comforting one another without ever saying a word, offering an occasional glance to each other that only the two of them understood. It was the most special friendship he'd ever known and when it turned into a relationship he understood what it meant to love someone completely, heart and soul, no turning back and he was certain he'd go crazy without her in his life.

He arrived at the hotel around two o'clock that afternoon. He entered the lobby, looked for the bar and made his way over to it. Joseph was sitting at a table near the entrance and waved him over. Jack swallowed hard, preparing himself for the bad news and approached the table, shaking the man's hand sitting opposite him.

"Did you have a good flight?" The attorney asked.

"It was a flight. What's going on?" Jack asked, tired, irritated and impatient, not in the mood for small talk.

"There's been a change of plans Jack and I'll explain it all to you in a few minutes. I've got some papers in my suite I need you to sign, but I've got to run to the courthouse and pick up one other document before we can talk. Take my key card and go wait for me, the papers are on the table in the suite with arrows pointing to all the places you need to sign. I'll be back in about 20 minutes." The attorney explained.

"No, I can't take this anymore. Tell me what the hell is going on." Jack demanded.

"I need you to relax and trust me Jack. Okay? Go upstairs, room 314. I'll be back in 20 minutes." The attorney told him and dropped the key card on the table.

Jack angrily swiped the card off the table and walked out of the bar. Why couldn't he just tell him what was going on? It had to be bad or he'd just tell him. He sighed heavily and stepped into the elevator. He was so deep in thought he missed his floor the first time the elevator stopped and had to ride along and then take it back down. He stepped off the elevator and looked around, finding the suite number he was looking for.

"Son-of-a-bitch stays in a suite in the nicest hotel in town? Why not, you're footin the bill Jack." He mumbled sarcastically to no one but himself.

He shoved the card into the slot in the door and pulled the lever down, opening the door to the suite. He let the door close behind him and looked up. He couldn't speak, couldn't move and had to remind himself to breathe. He didn't know what to expect when he walked into the suite, hadn't really expected anything, but seeing Kate sitting on the sofa in the suite smiling back at him never entered his mind.

She finally stood and walked toward him, when she got close enough he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, hugging her, his breath hitching as he fought his tears. She held as tightly to him as he was holding to her and they stood like that for a long time, holding one another, not speaking, neither wanting to let go. He finally spoke.

"Kate, I….what's happening?" He stumbled over his words, his mind full of questions and not knowing what to ask to first.

"It's over Jack. You promised you'd take care of me and you did." She said softly, becoming emotional, continuing to hold onto him.

He pushed her back enough to look into her eyes, her beautiful clear, full of life again eyes. He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her, a long lingering kiss that left both of them breathless.

"I missed you so much Kate, I can't believe you're here, I should let go, but I can't." He told her and pulled her into him again.

"I'm in no hurry for you to let go." She whispered in his ear and kissed him again, rubbing her hands over his strong back, enjoying the feel of his arms around her and his hands gently moving over her back.

She brought her arms up and closed them behind his neck, pulling out of the kiss and looking up into his eyes, not seeming to be able to believe what she was seeing or what she was feeling, him looking back at her still confused but happy.

"Jack, it's a long story that I'm going to let that slick attorney you hired tell. There are some details that I need to tell you about, things that are difficult, but that I want you to hear from me." Kate explained.

"Okay." Jack said, not sure what else to say.

"I want you to know that I will never forget what you've done for me and that I love you." Kate said pausing and looking down at the floor.

"But, there's a definite but there." Jack said feeling his stomach tighten, certain she was about to let him down easy.

"But if you are ready to get back to your life its okay. I know we made promises to each other, but the circumstances were different." Kate struggled to get the words out.

"What are you trying to say Kate?" He asked cautiously.

"I'm just trying to say that if you wanted to end this, I'd understand. I mean who would've really believed that I'd ever be free." Kate forced the words out as a tear escaped down her face.

He tilted her chin up and made her look at him.

"I believed." He said softly.

"You did, but Jack we're so different and now that we're back in the real world, things, us, it would be a challenge for both of us, so if you don't want to be with me, I really would understand." She forced the words out, not really meaning any of them, but feeling like he deserved the opportunity to be free of her if that's what he wanted.

"Don't want to be with you? I have been miserable since the day they took you away. What's going on Kate? Are you having second thoughts about the promises we made?" He asked her, his eyes revealing how much the conversation was hurting him.

"I'm a little scared of the promises Jack because it's scary to let yourself believe in something you've never had, but no second thoughts about you, I feel like I can't breathe when you're not around. I'm just not convinced I'm what you need in your life and I'm afraid that you'll come to that realization eventually." She admitted as another tear escaped down her cheek his eyes breaking her heart and making her realize that she too might go crazy without him in her life.

"I understand the uneasiness Kate, I do, and the differences between us will no doubt cause some interesting arguments now and then. My only concern is now that you are free you will find being with me too confining or boring, I'm a pretty vanilla guy, I know that." He confessed.

"Jack you're vanilla-ness, if there is such a word, is one of the things that makes you who you are and makes me want to be with you, but I wouldn't allow you to get boring Jack Shephard because I know just how exciting you are and would look forward to reminding you daily." She said in a soft, seductive voice bringing her mouth to his neck and kissing him lightly just inside his shirt collar.

He swore his body temperature shot up ten degrees and he was becoming painfully aroused. Her hands were snaking down his back and up underneath his shirt, fingers gliding lightly along the inside of the waistband of his jeans and then both hands moved down to his back pockets and squeezed, pulling him closer to her. He grabbed her by the waist and put some space between them.

"We have a lot to talk about Kate. As much as you think you've got to tell me, well let's just say I may have you beat and when I'm done hopefully you will still want to be with me." He told her.

"We have all the time in the world to talk Jack." She argued and closed the gap between them again, grinding her hips into his while holding tightly to his butt.

"Joseph is coming back, said he'd be here in 20 minutes." Jack continued to argue even though his hands were moving up the back of her shirt.

"I told him to say that so we could surprise you. We're meeting him downstairs for dinner at 6:30 PM, which means you have a few hours to show me how much you've missed me and then I get to show you how much I've missed you and after that we'll just make love until we collapse or it's time to eat dinner, whichever comes first." Kate said, taking him by the hand and leading him over to the king-sized bed.

"Kate, I think we should talk first, you might not want to have sex with me after you hear what I have to say and besides we don't have any protection. I wasn't expecting to step off the plane and jump into bed with you." He continued trying to resist her advances.

"We've never used protection before, why is it suddenly an issue today?" She asked her tone suggesting he'd insulted her.

"We didn't have a choice before and maybe before it wasn't as big of an issue as it is today." He replied.

"Why? Am I dirty to you now or something? She's been in jail so I can't stand to touch her without something between us." Kate accused almost yelling at him her eyes revealing how hurt she was.

He reached out and pulled her into him, close, bodies pushing hard together, she could feel how much he wanted her, his need pressing hard against his suddenly tight fitting jeans, his heart racing and his breathing slightly elevated.

"That couldn't be further from the truth Kate. I want to touch every part of you and I want to be with you, I just do not want to get you pregnant, not now, you have no idea how much you do not want to be pregnant with my child right now." He confessed, anguished and torn, something that resembled guilt weighing his heart and his mind down.

"Jack whatever is going on with you can't possibly be as bad as you seem to think it is. You aren't capable of anything that bad. I won't get pregnant. You might've lost count rhythm boy, but I haven't. It's safe and I want you right now. I love you Jack and I've missed having you like this. Remembering what it was like to be held by you and loved by you was the only thing that kept me from going crazy in that jail cell. Please, just stop with all the logic and analyzing and nobleness and just make love to me." Kate pleaded.

Her eyes were smoldering with desire and it was all for him, god how he had missed seeing that. He couldn't hold her off any longer, his need to be with her stronger than his need to come clean and confess his wrong doings to her. He began undressing her, pulling her shirt up and off and then quickly getting her bra out of his way, her taught breasts displayed before him, begging for his touch. He allowed his fingertips to gently glide over her nipples, making them hard instantly, his mouth unable to resist them, taking care to suck each one gently into his mouth, allowing his warm, moist tongue to glide over each one. Her moans of pleasure made him want to suck them harder and bite at them, knowing the soreness she would experience later would take her back to the moment and make her crave his touch all over again. His hands quickly moved down to the waistband of her jeans, unfastening them and sliding them down her hips.

He laid her on the bed sideways, legs dangling over the side, reached down and finished removing her jeans. He kissed his way up her calves to her thighs, landing soft breathy kisses on the inside of her thighs, making her squirm. He smiled, her responsiveness to his touch stroking his male ego the way that he needed his ego stroked, her need and desire for him the ultimate turn on for him. He wanted to make her beg and plead and then take her there over and over, his animalistic hunger beginning to trump his desire to be sweet and gentle and take his time with her as was typically the case when they were together.

He reached for her panties and pulled them down her legs quickly, the sight of her naked body in front of him making him want to unzip his pants and plunge into her, take her hard and make her beg for him to take her harder. He took a deep breath and swallowed hard, unfastening and unzipping his jeans, relieving the uncomfortable confinement, but not yet freeing himself entirely. He dropped to his knees beside the bed, placing each one of her legs on his shoulders, bringing his mouth down, greeted by the flaming moistness, penetrating her with his tongue, making her cry out as his hands moved up over her stomach until they found her breasts, kneading them in his hands while his mouth hungrily worked her over. Her legs began to tighten around the sides of head, closer and closer to orgasm, panting as her hips found a rhythm with his tongue. He was making love to her with his mouth, the slippery heat making him hungrier and hungrier, lapping up as much as he could, pressing hard at her most sensitive area before finally sucking her into his mouth, teasing with the tip of his tongue, her loud screams accompanied by her legs squeezing him tight and her hips jerking hard trying to stay in contact with his tongue, but also make him stop touching her, the sensitivity so intense it was almost painful.

He pulled his mouth away, allowing the sensitivity to subside and allowing himself to push his jeans and boxers down, his need to be inside her beyond anything he could continue to control. He stood and grabbed her hips pulling her up toward him, putting himself into position, slipping inside slowly and gently, allowing her time to adjust, fighting against the urge to dive in all at once. He pushed until he could push no further, taking a deep breath and holding it while he held his position, pulling her closer, tighter to him, connected flesh to flesh, no space what-so-ever between them. She scooted back while he scooted forward, both of his knees now on the bed, still holding her hips up to his, looking at her, hungry and intense. He began moving in and out of her, slow at first with deep hard thrusts and then the pace quickened, harder and faster, driving into her at an insistent pace, drawing cries from her for him to go harder and deeper until she finally tightened around him and came again. Her hands clutched the comforter, panting and moaning, him not moving, watching her face and her body as the orgasm ripped through her, enjoying her pleasure, the sight of it causing an adrenaline rush, making him want to keep going until one of them begged for mercy, wishing his steadily building release would cooperate with what his mind and heart wanted, knowing good and well that it wouldn't, that he was almost there and wouldn't be able to stop it.

He took them both down to the mattress, settling himself deep within her, bringing his mouth to hers, kissing her passionately his tongue now making love to her mouth, her body quivering underneath him as she returned his kiss, their tongues now in perfect rhythm as he started moving in and out of her again, slow and gentle at first and then as his need drew closer picking the pace up, finally pulling his mouth away from hers and dropping his head down to her neck and shoulders, unable to concentrate on anything but getting himself to come before the ache and the exhaustion killed him. She put her mouth to his ear and began whispering into it, the words so naughty and incredibly hot his body jerked once and then relief came, him vocalizing the sweet pleasure of the release in ways she'd never heard before and then finally he went still and relaxed onto his folded arms, staying inside of her, his breathing labored, his body glistening with a light sweat.

After a few minutes he finally raised his head and looked at her, kissing her deeply, appreciatively, the love he felt for her expressed so perfectly in the way he kissed her, never failing to make the butterflies flutter in her stomach.

"I see you missed me as much as I missed you." Kate said sweetly.

"You have no idea." He said.

They crawled up to the head of the bed, pulled the blankets and sheets back and snuggled up together. He lay on his side and she backed into him until he was spooning her, his arms wrapped protectively around her.

"I wasn't too rough was I?" He asked.

"No, you were perfect. Hungry and out of the control, just the way I like you." She complimented him.

"You're incredible you know that?" He said softly, his brain slowly fading as his sleep deprived body found a state of calmness and relaxation he hadn't known for weeks, hers following right behind.

He was the first to wake up, there bodies still wrapped tightly together. His face buried in her sweet smelling hair. He was certain he could stay like this for the rest of his life and never find a reason to complain. He moved his hand slightly and his fingers brushed over her breast, instantly sending his brain as well as the rest of him into sexual state of mind. He'd wake her up slowly and sweetly, gently moving his hands over her breasts, stomach and thighs while he landed soft kisses on her shoulder and neck. She finally turned her head to look at him through sleepy, passion filled yes. She managed a tired smile and then an appreciative moan as he slipped inside of her.

"Sweet and slow this time, just the way I like you." He said softly and kissed her gently.

He wrapped his arms around her, pressing her body firmly against his chest and abdomen, moving in and out of her slowly while his hand moved down between her legs and caressed her gently and slowly in rhythm with his penetrating movement. His chin rested on her shoulder, whispering a sweet "I Love You" in-between describing what he was feeling, what it was like to be inside her, the slight naughtiness of his words increasing the moistness where he was focusing all of his physical attention on her. Without warning a warm, slow flood of electricity washed through her loin, making her hold tightly his arm, crying out softly as he whispered for her relax and just let it happen, bringing her to that soft, sweet release twice more before enjoying his own release. He stayed inside her, side by side and once assured it was a happy tear, he kissed it away from her face and tightened his hold on her, both closing their eyes, welcoming another hour or so of soothing, peaceful sleep before it would be time to get up and dress for dinner.

She was the first to awaken to the sound of a ringing phone, looking around, confused and finally feeling him moving too.

"That's my cell phone, it's on the table beside you, could you grab it for me?" Jack asked and rolled over onto his back while Kate reached for the phone.

"Who is it?" He asked through a yawn.

"Jennifer Mentza." Kate read the caller ID.

Jack recognized the name immediately. It was Nicole's mother. He quickly grabbed the phone from Kate and answered it.

"Hello?" He croaked, his voice not as awake as the rest of him.

"Jack, its Jennifer. Did I catch you at a bad time?" She asked.

"No, I was just catching a nap before dinner. Is everything okay?" He asked, his worried tone catching Kate's attention.

"Yes Jack she is fine. She is running a bit of a fever though and I wanted to make sure it was okay to give her some Tylenol." Jennifer told him.

"A fever? How high? Are there any other symptoms?" Jack asked, not in his clinical tone, but in the same worried tone that had initially grabbed Kate's attention, making her even more curious.

"It's only about 100, which you and I both know isn't very high for a child her age. She's a little cranky and doesn't have much of an appetite, other than that, no major symptoms. She could be cutting her back molars, they can get pretty miserable with those." Jennifer suggested trying to relax him.

"Did you look to see if that's what it is? I should come home." He said.

"Jack, I've got three kids and I've been through more of this than I care to mention. I just want your permission to give her some Tylenol and I promise I will call you if I feel like there is something more going on. Okay?" Jennifer told him.

"Are you sure? Can I talk to her?" Jack asked.

"If she hears your voice in her current state of fussiness she's only going to start crying for you. Is that what you want?" Jennifer asked.

"No, I guess not. Yeah, give her the Tylenol and I'll call later to check on her." Jack said his tone still worried with an edge of guilt slipping in.

"Jack, she's fine. Enjoy your time with Kate and I promise I will call you if she doesn't improve." Jennifer pushed.

"Okay and thanks for calling." Jack said and pushed the button to end the conversation. He tossed the phone back toward the table, but missed and it hit the floor. He lay back on the pillows and sighed heavily.

"Jack? Is somebody sick? One of your patients?" Kate asked.

"Not a patient." Jack answered searching for the right words. He'd planned to tell Kate about Riley, but this wasn't what he had in mind.

"Then who is it and who is Jennifer?" Kate asked a twinge of jealousy in her voice.

Jack picked up on the jealous tone and smiled, liking that she had staked her claim and didn't like him talking to strange women on the phone. He reached for his jeans and pulled his wallet out. He sat up and relaxed his back against the headboard of the bed and Kate did the same. He reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture Sayid had emailed him from the party at the hotel. It was a picture of him holding Riley. They were cheek to cheek, big smiles on their faces and pointing at something. He handed the picture to Kate. She studied it for a moment, the cuteness of it making her smile.

"Is this your daughter Jack? If it isn't, she's the daughter of someone that looks just like you." Kate said.

"Her name is Riley, she's two. She was waiting for me when I got off the plane. Sarah literally dropped her in my lap and left." Jack told her his voice edgy and sad.

"Left? Left for where?" Kate asked.

"Don't know. She didn't say." Jack answered.

"Jack, I don't know what to say." Kate said shocked that Jack hadn't given a hint that he had something that huge going on in his life.

"Say that it doesn't matter, that it won't make you have second thoughts about us." He said.

"Why would you think that would change how I feel about you? I mean, I'm surprised and I'm so sad for this adorable little girl who must be very confused right now, but I haven't processed anything beyond that. Is Sarah planning on coming back? How does a mother just walk away from her child? I feel so bad that you've been dealing with all of this and all of my crap by yourself. No wonder you looked so tired when you walked through the door today." Kate rambled on and on still looking at the picture.

"I told her, Sarah, I told her if she left she couldn't come back for her. You're right, Riley is very confused. I've done the best that I can so far to make some kind of home for her, but I'm not very good at this parenting thing. I can't even fix her hair, I have to take her down the hall to my neighbor, Jennifer and she does it." Jack explained softly, the part about the hair making Kate smile until she saw the sadness in his eyes.

She hugged him and kissed him and convinced him to lay back down so she could snuggle up with him. It wasn't hard to tell that he was upset and as usual beating himself up over things he had no control over, the inability to fix the child's hair not really what was eating at him, but the idea that his child was hurting emotionally and he couldn't do anything to fix that the real issue.

"I bet you're a pretty good parent, probably kind and patient and not as clumsy or clueless as you'd like me to believe. I bet she has already fallen in love with her daddy and I could fix her hair for you Jack, if you want me to." Kate said sweetly, knowing that Jack needed to hear that his bringing a child into the picture wasn't going to change her desire to be with him.

He sat up on his elbow, laying her flat on her back and looking down at her, his eyes warm, full of appreciation and love, literally melting her and she would've given him anything he wanted at that moment.

"I know we really haven't discussed this Kate, but I don't just want you to be with me, I want us to be together, in the same house, every day and no I'm not proposing because I'm not sure I believe in marriage anymore, but I believe in you, us and I want you to come live with me. It's not fair for me to ask you do that now though, ask you to move in and deal with this ready made family, so I'll understand if you don't want to." Jack explained.

She lay quietly letting his words sink in, never doubting the sincerity behind them. Did she want to move in and play house with Jack? Why wouldn't she? Since she'd known him he'd never been anything but upfront and honest with her, had made her and her well-being a priority and he loved her like she'd never been loved in her life. Then there's the sex of course, my god how could any woman walk away from that she thought moaning softly and then giggling at herself for how strange that must've sounded to him.

"Well I can't very well sleep at night knowing that beautiful child's hair is at the mercy of you. She'd look pretty silly with a burr." Kate teased.

"Cute, but its not like your involvement would keep her from becoming a tree climbing tomboy so short hair might not be such a bad idea." Jack teased back.

"Are you calling me a tomboy Jack?" She asked.

"Yes, but you're 150 hot, sexy woman underneath that tomboy exterior." He complimented.

"So are you asking me to move in and help you take care of your daughter Jack? Because, if you are, I'm accepting your offer." She told him.

"I would like that very much Kate. I don't want to have to choose between you and Riley because it's impossible and I admit I'm in over my head. I need help. I need you. I want you." He said and kissed her lightly at first and then deeper and hungrier until Kate pushed him back.

"Is that the big thing you had to tell me?" Kate asked.

"No, but that was one of the things I wanted to talk to you about." He replied.

"What was the other?" Kate asked.

"Not now Kate." He answered and lay back down on his back.

"When?" She asked.

"I don't know, but I don't want to talk about it right now. You're not going to like it, trust me." He said.

"Jack." She insisted.

"Kate." He refused.

"Okay fine, I'm not going to fight with you. We should get up and get dressed for dinner." She suggested.

"After you." He said.

They showered together, starting out innocently enough but turning into more sex, which in turn made them 20 minutes late meeting Joseph Stypes for dinner. He gave them an amused smile when they approached the table he was sitting at. He stood while Jack pulled the chair out for Kate to be seated and then both men sat down.

"I'm sorry we're late, we um…lost track of time." Jack apologized feeling his cheeks flush, hoping no one would notice in the dimly lit restaurant.

"I've been kept waiting for less important things Jack. So Kate, did you fill him in on the details?" Joseph asked.

"No, I thought I'd let you do it." Kate replied.

"It's pretty simple Jack. Kate's part in the robbery was minimal and according to the bank manager she saved his life by taking the gun away from one of the robbers and shooting the man who was going to shoot the manager." Joseph explained.

Jack looked at Kate and then back at Joseph and then back at Kate. "You shot someone?" He finally asked.

"Yeah, but just in the leg." Kate answered shyly, embarrassed but amused, the look on Jack's face priceless.

"This robber and would be murderer Jason was or is bad news and the District Attorney is more interested in putting this guy away for good than prosecuting Kate for wanting to get a toy airplane out of a safe deposit box, which is what I was counting on. Kate has some information about Jason that will help them prosecute him for the rape and murder of two women in Roswell. She told them what she knew and it checked out so they released her this morning, dropped all the charges. She just has to go back tomorrow and give a formal statement and then she'll have to come back for depositions later and if it goes to trial she'll have to testify, but other than that it's over." Joseph continued to explain.

"That's it? She's done. She's free. No more running or looking over her shoulder?" Jack asked.

"That's it. We won and we really didn't have to fight that hard. Like I told you in Los Angeles Jack, I almost feel guilty taking your money." He laughed.

"Don't feel guilty. You earned it. Will you be with her tomorrow for the formal statement?" Jack asked.

"Yes, and then I'll be flying back to Los Angeles." Joseph answered.

They had a drawn out, course by course dinner with drinks and talked about anything and everything but Kate's legal matters. Jack had a lot of questions, but they were for Kate and for a more private time. Kate and Jack shared a few island stories with Joseph and as was the norm he listened attentively, amazed at what they had managed to survive. Two hours later they said their goodnights, Joseph telling Kate he'd meet her in the lobby at 11 AM so they could go to the DA's office where she would give her formal statement, sign some papers and finally be free.

Kate and Jack walked back up to their room where Jack ordered champagne and strawberries. The champagne was to celebrate, the strawberries were to have some fun with. Kate made a face at him when she heard him ordering the strawberries and he pulled her down onto the bed with him.

"You don't like strawberries and the different sweet stuff that comes with them for dipping?" He asked.

"I'm full Jack." She answered.

"Yeah, me too, but I really didn't order them to eat." He said and winked at her.

"Maybe I'm too tired to play, maybe you've worn me out." She teased.

"That's okay, you don't have to do anything, just lay back, relax and enjoy." He told her and kissed her.

"I want to know what the other thing is Jack." She told him making him sigh heavily and pull away from her neck.

"I guess it was too much to hope that we could wait until tomorrow or later huh?" He mumbled.

"Jack, you're really starting to freak me out. Did you do something, something bad?'' She asked.

"Yeah, I did, but before I bare my soul to you I want to know about this Jason guy Kate. How did you know those kinds of things about him and better yet, how do you know a robber/rapist/murderer?" Jack asked feeling her body tense up and then pull away from him.

"That's what I wanted to tell you about Jack, about Jason, about how I came to know him, about what I did so I could get that toy plane." Kate said softly, ashamed and refusing to look at him.

He could see her withdrawing, the way she had done so many times on the island and while it frustrated him, he understood it. He understood why it was so hard for her to reveal bad things about her past to him and understood that better now than ever since he had his own ugliness to reveal to her, the idea of how bad it might sound to her or make her feel about him making it difficult for him to talk about. He decided that tonight was not the time for this discussion. They deserved to have the night, the togetherness without any dark clouds hanging over the moment.

"Kate, let's not do this tonight. It doesn't matter to me what you did before. I want to know because I don't want there to be any secrets between us, but it's not going to change how I feel about you so let's just enjoy what's left of tonight and tomorrow we'll go home, back to LA and we'll deal with what I've done and what you've done. Okay?" He asked almost pleading, tired and just wanting to enjoy a few more hours of bliss with her before they tackled life again.

"Okay." She said softly.


	16. Chapter 16

Jack was the first to wake up. He was on his back with her snuggled up next to him, her head resting on his upper chest, her arm draped over his stomach. He looked down and watched her sleep and then looked around the room, laughing lightly at the mess they'd created. Clothes strewn all over the place, champagne glasses tipped over on the table, what was left of a few strawberries on the table beside the bed, the remnants of the sweet cream and chocolate dipping sauces on the bed's blankets, sheets and pillowcases.

He hated to disturb her, but he knew she needed to get up soon so she would be ready to go and give her statement. He watched her sleep a few minutes longer, enjoying how peaceful she looked, lightly gliding his fingers over her bare back, making her squirm slightly. She finally opened her eyes and lifted her head to look at him. He grinned when they made eye contact.

"What's funny?" She groaned.

"You've got chocolate on your nose." He teased.

"That's okay, I had a good time getting chocolate on my nose." She teased back.

"Me too." He agreed.

"You don't have any chocolate on your nose." She argued.

"No, I had a good time watching you get chocolate on your nose." He laughed.

"Next time we need to get you really cold before we dip you in the chocolate, then I can kind of scrape and bite the chocolate off instead and it won't be so messy." She giggled.

"There are so many things in that statement that are never going to happen, not while I'm conscious anyway." He told her making her laugh.

She sat up and crawled onto him, straddling him, arms on either side of him, her face inches away from his face, everything below her waist lightly gliding over him below the waist. He put his hands on her hips, letting them glide slowly over her outer thighs before slapping her bottom lightly.

"You need to stop being ornery and go shower. You have an important meeting today." He said with a grin.

"There's time." She argued.

"Kate." He resisted.

"Jack, your mouth is saying no, but you're body is saying yes." Kate said, reaching down and putting him into position before slowly pushing herself onto him, taking a deep breath as he filled her, his excitement literally growing inside of her.

She laid forward and kissed him while he put his knees up, held onto either side of her upper thighs and pushed himself in and out, her finally sitting up slightly, placing her palms on his upper chest and matching his thrusts with her own. She started to lay forward again, ready to come and wanting to relax into his chest when the orgasm hit.

"No, no. Stay like you are and keep going." He encouraged her.

She did as he asked and screamed out loud when the orgasm hit, continuing to make contact with him and heightening the experience, another wave coming at the moment she thought she was about to bottom out, his release following right behind hers. She let the second wave bottom out and then lay herself forward, feeling his arms wrap around her, keeping him trapped inside of her. She lifted her head and kissed him, deeply and passionately, hungrily expressing all the love she had for him in that one long, wet kiss that left him feeling numb from head to toe when she finally pulled away.

"Wow, what did I do to deserve that?" He asked the moment leaving him feeling slightly intoxicated.

"You're just you Jack, that's enough for anyone or at least it should be. Care to join me in the shower? I'll let you wash my hair." She said.

"Oh you will huh? Can I wash your back too?" He asked.

"Sure, you could throw in a massage too if you feel inclined." She laughed.

They showered without incident, both seeming to finally be satisfied for awhile. He made flight reservations for them while she finished getting ready for her meeting. She walked into the room in a dress and heels, hair styled beautifully and just a hint of make-up. He looked up at her and continued to stare.

"Close your mouth Jack." Kate ordered.

"You look great Kate." He complimented her.

"Thank you. I'm guessing you probably paid for these clothes I've been sporting the last few days and just don't know it yet." Kate joked.

"Yeah, well obviously I didn't pick them out because I've yet to see the sexy lingerie I would've bought." He said and winked at her.

"Jack, you aren't going to be in there while I give my statement are you?" She asked, the conversation suddenly turning serious.

"No Kate, but I'll be waiting for you when you get done." He answered.

"Thanks, you'll be a refreshing sight after reliving all that. Will you bring this bag of clothes with you? I'm not traveling in a dress." She said and made a face making him chuckle lightly.

Kate met Joseph in the lobby and rode with him to give her statement. Jack stayed behind and took care of the hotel bill. Joseph told him it would take about an hour so Jack wandered around the hotel lobby, browsing through the various shops. He ran across a soft, cushy doll that actually looked like a baby instead of a pageant contestant so he bought it for Riley. He walked through the jewelry store that was part of the lobby shops, stopping and studying the rings very hard, still too bitter he supposed to consider it and moved on to the pendants and charms.

Twenty-five minutes later he walked out of the jewelry shop with a silver Chinese kanji symbol for the words "always and forever", in a charm with the translation engraved on the back. The charm had a line of five pave-set diamonds on it and the jeweler placed it on a chain for him and put it in a nice box for him. It would be the first gift he'd given her since the guava seeds on the island. He left the hotel lobby a few hundred dollars lighter and happy, deciding he kind of liked shopping for the two women in his life.

He sat in the reception area of the DA's office and waited for Kate. A couple of the female clerks working in the area were watching him and whispering. One finally approached him. He thought about being annoyed, but was having too good of day to let it get to him. He looked up at the inquisitive red head that stood in front of him.

"I'm sorry to bother you sir, but are you that doctor, the one from the plane crash, the one that is involved with our famous fugitive?" She asked.

"You've got a famous fugitive here, today, really?" He toyed with the woman.

"Yes, that woman from the plane crash is just inside the door." The red head eagerly shared her information.

"Plane crash?" He asked the woman with a genuine look of puzzlement on his face.

"Surely you saw all that on the news about those survivors of that plane crash. One of them was a fugitive. She got away with murder in Iowa and now she's here because she robbed a bank and shot a bunch of people. There was this really handsome doctor on the plane that crashed too and I guess they had an affair on the island and he tried to help her escape. You kind of look like him, but I guess that's impossible. He wouldn't be stupid enough to show up here now would he." The woman eagerly shared her gossip.

Jack bit his lip, fighting the urge to laugh in the woman's face or smack her, he wasn't sure which. He saw the door open behind her and Kate walk out with Joseph. She'd obviously been crying and seemed to be trembling slightly. Jack stood and Kate walked straight into his waiting arms, burying her face in his chest as his arms wrapped snugly around her. Jack looked over Kate's shoulder at the red-headed woman.

"That's not very nice. You could've stopped me." She hissed at Jack.

"You seemed so informed, so sure of yourself." Jack said sarcastically with the hint of an ornery grin on his face.

The woman walked away in a huff, making him laugh lightly and shake his head before turning his attention back to Kate.

"You okay?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, I just want to get out of here." Kate mumbled.

"Is it over?" Jack asked Joseph.

"It is for now Jack. Go home, get on with your lives and I'll be in touch about future dates." Joseph told him and shook Jack's hand.

"Thanks doesn't really cut it I guess, but it's all I've got." Jack told him.

They went their separate ways, Joseph to the airport and Jack and Kate to find a restaurant where they could have a nice, leisurely lunch and kill some time before heading to the airport. He watched her pick at her food, stir it around with her fork, take a small bite once in awhile, but actually eating very little of what was in front of her. Whatever she'd been through earlier in day had taken its toll, her appearance and the way she was acting reminding him of victims of violent crimes he'd seen come through the emergency room. He removed himself from the his side of the booth they were seated in, walked over to her side and scooted in next to her. He handed her the gift he had purchased earlier.

She opened the box and looked strangely at it, finding it pretty, but odd at the same time.

"It's nice Jack, but what does it mean?" She asked.

"Read the back of it." He told her.

She turned the Chinese symbol over and read the words "Always and Forever" and felt her eyes fill with tears, refusing to look at him. He tilted her chin up until she was looking at him.

"Can I do anything?" He asked.

"It's so thoughtful, thank you." She said and hugged him, allowing her tears to flow, needing to cry and not just because of the necklace, but because of the guilt and sorrow she was currently dealing with that made her feel undeserving of the man that was holding her.

She relaxed backward into him, resting the back of her head on his shoulder, relaxing in the comfort that his arms wrapped around her brought. They stayed that way until the waitress interrupted their state of bliss by asking if everything was okay. Jack nodded and handed her his credit card.

They drove in silence to the airport and spent most of the flight making small talk, purposely avoiding the big subject, the "thing" that both of them had to tell the other. Their flight was delayed taking off, getting them into Los Angeles late, too late for him to be waking his neighbor up to retrieve his daughter. He would wait until morning to pick up Riley.

Jack and Kate entered the building Jack lived in. Kate had perked up quite a bit, her previous state of mind or shock, seeming to slowly disappear. He'd given her space and allowed her to deal with whatever it was, understanding that Kate had known traumas he couldn't begin to relate to and wasn't going to pretend that he could. She'd talk to him about it when she was ready.

They entered the lobby and pushed the button for the elevator. Jack saw her approaching and swallowed hard, his head screaming "No, not like this, please God, don't let her say anything". It was Kasey, she'd entered the building right after them and was approaching the elevator. She stopped beside Jack and Kate and smile at him. Jack was certain the sweat had to be pouring off of him in puddles.

"Hello Jack." Kasey said looking right at him and catching the plea in his eyes and face.

"Hey Kasey, how's it going? Kind of late isn't it?" Jack spit the courtesy out, his mouth suddenly so dry he was sure it would take a crowbar to pry his tongue away from the roof of his mouth.

Kate noticed his body language, his nervousness, his state of total discomfort and looked at the pretty girl, the pretty pregnant girl and wondered why Jack looked like he was about to self-destruct.

"I was studying with some friends at the coffee bar and before you say anything doctor, I limited myself to one cup of decaf." Kasey kept it casual, friendly.

"That's good to hear. Um, it's late, you shouldn't be wandering around the lobby and the halls by yourself, ride with us, I'll walk you to your door." Jack offered and smiled nervously.

Kate watched them in the elevator. That he hadn't bothered to introduce her to this woman bothered her. Was this an ex-girlfriend and he was embarrassed and uncomfortable? She seemed awfully young to have been a girlfriend of Jack's but something was going on between them, Kate knew it, that she was carrying Jack's baby never crossing her mind though. Kate stayed back and held the elevator while Jack walked Kasey down the hall to her door. She watched them stop and Jack gently take hold of the woman's arm to get her attention.

"Thanks for not saying anything Kasey and I promise I'll have an answer for you soon." Jack said softly.

"No problem Jack. Good night." Kasey said.

Jack walked back down to the elevator, head down, rubbing the back of his neck. "You are so busted Jack." He mumbled to himself.

They didn't speak again until they were tucked away safely inside his condo, him showing her around, avoiding the question that was written all over Kate's face. They finally sat together on the sofa. Jack reached for the remote and Kate grabbed his arm, stopping him, forcing him to turn and look at her.

"So are you going to tell me what was going on out there or are we going to let the tension in the room suffocate us?" Kate asked.

He didn't speak but she could tell the gears in his brain were cranking at maximum speed, searching for the right words, but mostly the courage to spit them out.

"Jack, what is it? You're starting to freak me out a little. You act like she's having your baby or something." Kate joked realizing quickly that the joke was on her.

He didn't speak, he didn't have to. It was written all over his face. She'd accidentally, hit the nail right on the head.

"Are you serious? How could you not……I don't under…….Jesus Jack is she even out of high school?" Kate accused, hurt, angry and confused, his silence only making it worse.

"She's 22 Kate." He shot back quickly.

"Well at least she was old enough for you to buy her a drink before you knocked her up." Kate remarked, the words harsh and unfeeling just like the sex he'd had with Kasey.

"I told you it was bad Kate, but you wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't let me come clean." Jack said flatly.

"Did you bring me here so you'd have someone to play nursemaid to your kids Jack? Do you have anymore out there waiting to show up on your doorstep?" Kate asked.

"I didn't know about it until I got back Kate. It was a mistake. I wasn't even sure of her name before we, I mean there's nothing there, I swear." Jack tried to explain but was failing miserably.

"Nothing there? Jack, there's a baby there! All your preaching on the island about being careful not to get me pregnant and then again yesterday, yet you didn't seem to mind if you got that little girl pregnant." Kate accused.

"Don't call her a little girl! This is bad enough without you adding that insult to the mix!" He yelled.

"Hey as long as it's not me that you're knocking up, life is grand right?" Kate said.

"It's not like that Kate! For the love of god would you stop suggesting that I don't want to touch you or have children with you. This isn't about you okay, it's about me, my fuck up, all me!" He yelled.

"You know what Jack, I knew this was how things would be with us. We've not even been in the same house for 30 minutes and we're at each other's throats. This was a bad idea." She said and stood up.

"Don't even think about walking out that door." He said in an authoritative tone that stopped her in her tracks.

"Are you the boss of me now Jack? You have all the money and brains so you get to own me, tell me what I can or can't do, display me with all your other possessions?" She asked

"That's so fucked up Kate and if you really believe half of what you've let spill out of your mouth tonight then I've been wasting my time. This is how it is Kate. I'm not going to play this game with you. I love you. I respect you, your mind and your body. I don't consider you a prize or a possession. I want you here with me because I love being with you, talking with you, hanging out, making love to you and I don't expect you to do anything with or for my daughter that you don't want to do. If you walk out that door, I won't come after you and you don't need to consider coming back. I may never get over you or be the same again, but I won't be in a relationship where every time things get bumpy your solution is to run away. I'm going to bed. I have a two year old to deal with in a few hours." Jack told her, walking into the bedroom, leaving her speechless, stunned and no longer wanting to run from their problems. He was the first person that had ever cared enough to not just ask, but demand she stop running.

She stayed out on the couch for awhile, flipping mindlessly through the cable channels, noticing how the remote looked brand new, wondering if Jack ever watched television, smiling as she realized there was so much they didn't know about each other. But, she knew him well enough to know that the situation with Kasey and the baby was difficult for him, she could see the shame and the guilt in his eyes and all over his face. She could tell that she wasn't the type of girl Jack would be dating and that whatever happened between them was most likely a one night stand gone badly.

"Good job Kate. He's been there for you, supportive, forgiving, never stopped believing, loving you unconditionally and when he needs a little of that in return you turn on him like a rabid dog." She said quietly to the room.

She turned the television off and walked toward the room she saw him disappear to. He was lying on the bed, on top of the covers, still wearing his jeans and shirt. His back was to her so she couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. She crawled in beside him and put her arm around his waist, snuggling into the space right above his shoulder. He took hold of her hand and pulled it into his chest.

"I'm sorry Jack. Do you want to talk about it?" She asked.

"There's not much to tell. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. It was the night before I left for Sydney. I'd been fighting with my mom and my ex-wife and I'd been drinking and she was throwing herself at me like she had done so many times before and I just lost it. My mind wasn't right. I honestly just forgot about protection the first time and lucky me that's all it took." Jack said sighing heavily.

"The first time?" Kate asked.

"The first time that night, which is also the only night we spent together. It's not one of my proudest moments Kate. I treated her like a two dollar whore the whole night. I can't describe to you where I was mentally other than to say it was a very dark and angry place. I felt bad about it, even thought about it a few times on the island, how not having to worry about running into her was one of the positives of being stranded." He admitted, quietly his voice sounding defeated and tired.

"She seems okay Jack, I mean, she didn't seem like she wanted to have you killed or anything." Kate offered.

"Yeah, she's okay now I guess, but what I mistook for a flirty little slut that liked to sleep around was really just a shy, inexperienced kid with a big crush who thought that was the best way to get a man's attention." Jack told her his voice starting to crack a bit, the emotions and probably some fatigue getting the better of him.

Kate absorbed what he had said and realized the extent of the emotional trauma he had inadvertently inflicted on the girl and she was beginning to understand why this was so difficult for him. She pushed herself up enough to kiss him softly on the temple, hug him and finally convince him to turn around and face her.

"I know this has to be hard for you. You didn't know Jack, if you had you would've handled things differently, I know you would've. I've seen you go to that dark, angry place and I've also seen how all it takes is a situation that requires some compassion to snap you right back out of it. You aren't a bad person Jack." Kate assured him.

"I was a bad person that night and I created a life in the process. She's putting it up for adoption and moving back to New York. I need to decide if I want to sign those papers too. I don't know what to do." He admitted his voice sad and weary, the situation obviously tormenting him down to his soul.

"I wish I could help Jack, but that's a decision that has to be all yours. I'll be supportive either way, but tonight I can't promise anymore than that." She said.

"But do you think you would ever want to be a mother to my children?" He asked.

She knew that question was coming and she didn't have a direct answer for him, getting a good idea of what it must be like for men who find themselves in this situation with a woman with children from a previous relationship

"Riley has a mother Jack." Kate tiptoed around the question.

"No she doesn't, not anymore. I'm sorry, I have no right to ask you something like that right now. I'm just trying to make the best decision possible for the baby and for us and for Riley and I don't know what that is." Jack apologized.

"I don't know what that is either. I think you have to go with what's in your heart Jack. If you want your child, then you should keep him or her." Kate suggested.

"But what kind of person does that make me if I don't want my child?" Jack asked.

"I don't know Jack, but women face that question every day and it's not a decision that should be made based on what you're afraid other people will think or what kind of person it does or doesn't make you. It should be about nothing more than whether or not you want to raise the child. If you don't want to, then let someone who does. Do what's best for the child." Kate told him and kissed him.

He pulled her into him and kissed her back, holding her close and rubbing his hand over her back.

"What if I think me and you and Riley and a big house in the suburbs is what is best for the child?" Jack asked.

"I'd say I can't promise you I'd be any good at that." She answered.

"But are you interested in giving it a shot?" He asked.

"Jack, don't make me part of this decision." She demanded.

"How can I make a decision like this without considering you Kate? I know you are always telling me that I've got live in the day, but you can't do that, not when the future of an innocent child is at stake, not to mention Riley's future and our future." He argued.

"Jack please, it's too much to process all at once." She pleaded.

"I agree, but I want you to think about it, think about how you really feel about bringing a baby that isn't ours into our lives because your happiness is as important to me as that unborn child's. For me to make this decision based just on what I want or need without considering your wants and needs would be selfish and I won't do it. I have to know how you really feel about it so I'd appreciate it if you take some time to settle into all this and think about it." Jack stated his case and then kissed her again.

She didn't answer him, deciding to leave things there for the time being. She pushed him onto his back and straddled him, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing the sides away exposing his chest and abdomen to her. She leaned in and began placing soft kisses on his chest, swirling her tongue over his nipples and then continuing to land soft kisses down his chest and stomach, stopping right below his navel and sitting up to look at him, her finger lightly moving up and down the line of hair that started below his navel and disappeared below the waistline of his jeans.

"You have the most perfect treasure trail Jack." She said in sweet, teasing tone as she continued to glide her finger up and down the line of hair while unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans.

"Treasure trail?" He asked, smiling, certain he was going to like wherever this was going.

"Yeah, you know, this line of hair right here (her fingers continuing to glide up and down). If I put my lips right here (places mouth right below his navel) and follow the trail it takes me to the treasure." She told him and began slowly moving her mouth down the trail, following it to the opening she'd created in his jeans.

She slipped her hand inside his jeans, cupping him through his boxer briefs, her playfulness having the desired affect on him. He watched her, the sight of her tongue gliding down the lower part of his stomach, stopping at the waistband of his boxer briefs and then making its way back up both entertaining and exciting. She gripped the sides of his jeans and briefs with her hands and began pulling them down. He lifted his hips so she could get his clothes out of her way. That she was initiating sex after finding out what he'd done, and the fight they'd had over it was somewhat surprising to him.

"Kate, are you sure you want to do this?" He asked as he felt her hand wrap around him and squeeze lightly.

"You don't want this?" She asked her tone seductive.

"I don't deserve this." He told her.

"Why? You had a one night stand that has come back to haunt you so I'm not supposed to want you anymore? That's dumb Jack. I am curious about something though." She said as her hand continued to caress and gently massage him, the feeling of him growing in her hand making her loin ache for him.

"What's that?" He breathed making her smile.

"Did you share this bed with Sarah?" She asked.

"Yeah, does that bother you?" He asked.

"Not enough to keep me from having my way with you here in a minute, but yeah, I think we need a new bed." She told him and began moving her mouth down his treasure trail again, finding the treasure at the end this time.

She turned her body to the side at a 90 degree angle to his stretched out form, up on her knees, bottom in the air and took him into her mouth, working her tongue over him generously, using her hand to slowly pump at the base. He sat up and watched her for a moment before moving his hand under her, reaching for the snap and zipper on her jeans, unfastening them and working them along with her panties down to her knees, his efforts slightly handicapped by what she was doing to him, trying to focus on getting her pants out of his way, while trying to maintain some control over the situation.

She felt his hand glide over her lower back, then over her butt before landing at the top of her thighs, signaling for her to open up for him. She positioned her knees a little further apart and felt him slide one then two fingers into her from behind and moaned, the vibrations from her mouth making him jerk and take a deep a breath, very close to ending things prematurely. He moved his fingers in and out of her slowly, gliding them forward, spreading her warm excitement over all of her.

"Kate." He mumbled softly, knowing that was all he had to say to get her to let go of him or prepare to get a mouthful.

She slowly brought her mouth away, up his chest and neck and then closed her mouth over his, him pulling her toward him and finally into his lap. She lowered herself onto him slowly and fully, her legs extended out behind his back, their chests touching, their tongues intensifying an already passion filled kiss, both taking a deep breath at the same time, their bodies quivering against one another, connected at the hips and both not wanting to and wanting to move at the same time. She finally pulled her mouth away from his, arms wrapped him tightly, dropping her head on his shoulder, her mouth next to his ear.

"Make love to me Jack." She whispered.

He laid her back, her head at the foot of the bed, staying inside of her, pushing her legs backward and groaning as he slipped deeper inside of her. He pushed her arms above her head and locked hands with her, keeping himself elevated as he pushed in and out of her at a steady, but gentle pace, watching her eyes, focused solely on her. She closed her eyes, the feeling of release creeping up on her.

"Look at me Kate." He panted and continued moving in and out.

She opened her eyes and did her best to maintain eye contact with him as the orgasm built and finally released, verbalizing how good it felt, closing tightly around him and clutching tighter to his hands, the hands he had continued to keep connected to his. His release followed, his palms so sweaty he had trouble holding onto her hands and finally allowed his body to drop, letting his weight fall on his folded arms so he wouldn't squash her. Once his breathing returned to normal, he lifted his head and looked at her.

"We'll go buy a new bed tomorrow, but just so you know, there's never been any woman in this bed as amazing as you." He said sweetly and kissed her one more time before moving off of her.

They both stood, shoved the strewn clothes off the bed, pulled the covers back and climbed in, Jack assuring her that he was sleeping on the side that Sarah always slept on, finding Kate's issue with that both cute and flattering. She wasn't interested in sharing him with other women, especially the women of his past and wasn't afraid to tell him so. It wasn't about jealousy or being possessive, it was about respect, respect for her, respect for him and respect for their relationship. He'd never known a woman that made him feel the way she did and he'd do anything in his power to make sure she was content and if that meant all new stuff that would be the easiest request anyone had ever made of him.

Kate awoke the next morning to sunlight peeking through the small openings in the bedroom curtains and the smell of coffee. She opened her eyes, the set of brown eyes staring back at her startling her at first, then making her smile once she found her bearings and realized the darling little cherub watching her so intently must be Riley.

"Hey little one." Kate said sleepily.

"Hi." Riley said.

Jack came through the bedroom door, a look of relief quickly replacing the panicked one he entered the room with.

"Did she get away from you?" Kate laughed.

"Yes and that usually ends up in a big mess when she does. I left you a robe on the bed when you're ready to get up. Come on Riley, let Kate sleep." Jack said and reached for the little girl.

"No, Kate up." Riley demanded making Kate smile. She was obviously a bright child and had her father's stubborn streak.

"What are you grinning at?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, it's just cute watching a mini-version of you make demands." Kate laughed.

"I'm not demanding Kate, I'm decisive." Jack objected with the hint of a grin.

Kate laughed and repositioned herself so she was propped up on one elbow, keeping the blankets draped over her. She felt something beside her, reached down and pulled out the shaggy eared dog Riley dragged around with her everywhere. She laughed at how loved the stuffed animal appeared to be and held it up in front of Riley.

"Who is this?" Kate asked sweetly.

"Poppy go nite-nite." Riley said and giggled.

"Oh, does puppy want to go back to sleep?" Kate asked and laid the stuffed dog on the pillow, covering it with the child's ragged blanket that had also managed to make its way into the bed with her.

"No, poppy up! Mine!" Riley squealed in that same shrill, ear-piercing, squeal she'd used at the hospital the day Jack took her cookie from her.

Jack picked her up and put her on his hip, making her look at him.

"Do not scream Riley it's not nice. Say, may I have my puppy please." He instructed the child in a firm, but calm voice.

"Poppy peas." Riley said softly.

Kate handed the child the puppy and Jack set her down on the floor, instructing her to go play with her toys.

"Kiss and hug." Riley demanded and held her arms up.

He knelt down in front of her, kissing her and hugging her before gently swatting her bottom and sending her on her way. He then sat on the bed beside Kate who was smiling at him.

"Well, what do you think?" He asked.

"I think my ovaries just exploded." Kate said making him laugh.

"Is that a good thing Kate?" He asked.

"Yes it is. She's adorable Jack and watching you with her is adorable. How am I supposed to watch you at your sexiest and keep my hands to myself?" She asked making him scrunch his eyebrows inquisitively, obviously not following along.

"Are you on something Kate?" He laughed.

"Men, you just don't get it. So, what's on the agenda for today?" Kate asked.

"I thought we'd go eat breakfast and then go buy a new bed and then we will surprise some of our old island friends." Jack said.

"What? Some are still around?" Kate asked.

"Quite a few of them actually, but I was referring to Hurley, Claire and Sawyer." Jack said.

"Sawyer is still around?" Kate asked.

"Yes and he needs his 'Freckles Fix' I think." Jack laughed.

"You don't mind?" Kate asked.

"You're lying in my bed naked. How can I not be eternally grateful for that and not deny the guy the opportunity to see the friend he's been worried sick about. Yes, that's right, Sawyer thinking about someone besides himself, shocking isn't it?" Jack teased and winked at her.

"Thanks Jack, I would enjoy seeing him and I know that probably bothers you on some level." Kate admitted.

He thought about it and finally shrugged.

"There was a time when it would've bothered me, but not anymore. He's a special friend Kate. I get it. It took awhile, but I do finally get it and just because we're together doesn't mean I plan on locking you away in the tower where no one but me gets to enjoy you." Jack told her.

"Sounds like a fun day and Jack I haven't forgotten that I still owe you an explanation for what went on in New Mexico. I just figured one fight was enough last night." Kate offered.

"I know. You'll tell me when you're ready." Jack said before leaning in and kissing her.

"I will also consider and think about that other thing. Let me get to know Riley a little bit, see how much she scares me, decide if I can handle having little people needing and expecting things from me." Kate told him.

"Okay." He said, satisfied with what she was offering. He leaned in to kiss her again and she started laughing. He turned to see what he was laughing at and groaned.

Riley was standing in the doorway, chocolate syrup all over her, obviously distraught that her hands had the chocolate all over them and no matter where she wiped them she couldn't get it off.

"Daddy off." She whined holding her hands out.

"I should make you stand there and wear it for awhile." Jack said.

"Jack." Kate complained and slapped him on the arm.

"What? She does this all the time. Gets into stuff and dumps it all over her, like it's a game or something. She hates having dirty, sticky hands though so maybe there's a lesson here. What do you think?" He asked stifling a grin at the sight in front of him.

"I think if you would put things up out of her reach this would stop happening." Kate answered, climbing out of bed and putting the robe on.

"Ouch. She told me huh Riley?" He laughed.

"Daddy off!" Riley demanded holding her hands up to him, bottom lip puckering out, ready to cry.

"Say, daddy please wash it off." Jack instructed the child.

"Jack!" Kate squealed at him and slapped him on the arm again.

"Jack off!" Riley demanded, getting mad now, the combination of his name and the word off coming out of the small child's mouth making him finally lose it, laughing so hard he had tears streaming down his face.

"Good job Kate, you just taught her about mastur…….." Jack started to tease Kate, cut off by her kissing him.

"Keep it up Jack and you'll become personally familiar with that technique." She warned him with an ornery grin.

"Kate off." Riley asked still holding her chocolate covered hands out.

Kate turned and smiled at the little girl and put her hands out to see if Riley wanted her to pick her up. Riley put her arms up and Kate picked her up.

"Come on sweetie, I'll clean that off of you. Daddy's being too ornery so he can't come with us." Kate spoke softly to the child and carried her into the bathroom.

Jack watched them disappear into the bathroom, smiling, happy that Riley seemed to find Kate unthreatening. He then sighed heavily and pulled himself up, deciding to go investigate the chocolate mess.


	17. Chapter 17

Jack managed to get the chocolate mess cleaned up, while Kate cleaned up Riley. Forty-five minutes or more had passed and neither Kate, nor Riley had surfaced from the bedroom so he decided to investigate. He found them in the bathroom. Riley was sitting on the counter watching herself in the mirror, dressed in clean clothes and Kate was putting the finishing touches on her hair. Kate had on one of Jack's t-shirts. Jack stopped in the doorway and watched.

"She had chocolate in her hair and even inside her underpants so we had a bath. I borrowed a shirt, just until I get dressed." Kate said.

"Don't get dressed on my account." Jack teased.

"You promised us breakfast and I don't know about Riley, but I am starving so if you'll take her I'll get dressed and we can go." Kate told him and handed the child to him, her mood seeming to be a bit crankier than it was earlier.

He watched her walk into the bedroom and wondered what could've happened to cause the sudden mood swing.

"Is everything okay Kate?" He asked.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" She asked.

"I don't know you seem edgy, distant." Jack answered.

She looked at him and shrugged.

"You're imagining things Jack." She tried to laugh it off.

"Am I?" He pushed.

"Yes! You are!" She snapped and felt bad immediately.

"So Kate, is this a hormone thing or is there something we need to talk about?" He asked.

"I can't believe you're going to go there." She growled at him.

"Go where? Forty-five minutes ago you were fine and now you're not, so you've either got something on your mind that is upsetting you or you're PMSing. It's a fair question and if it's the latter I can prescribe something." He explained his tone becoming clinical which made her angrier than she already was and she wasn't even sure if she was angry at him, he was just a convenient punching bag at the moment.

"I'm not one of your patients Jack!" She seethed and sat down on the bed.

He thought about sitting beside her and try to comfort or console, but decided that standing a safe distance away from her was probably the smart thing to do.

"Kate, I'm just trying to help, to understand what's going on with you." Jack offered as Riley began squirming to get down.

He set her down and watched as she toddled into her bedroom to play, the one room in the house he knew was safe for her to be in without supervision.

"Well it's not THAT Jack and women really hate that men try to blame everything on PMS. Can't we ever just be crazy because we are?" Kate said.

"Yes, most definitely, all of you, I just wanted to know which kind of crazy I was dealing with since one can be more irrational, not to mention dangerous, than the other." Jack told her making her smile.

"That's better." He said and sat beside her.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you." She said.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.

"Maybe later Jack." She answered.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"No, but I'm not even sure what it is I'm feeling and I think I need to sort it out before I actually try to verbalize it." She explained.

"Maybe I could help you sort it out." He offered.

"It's just that when I was sitting in the bathtub earlier with Riley and she was looking at me with those trusting eyes and she's babbling on an on about who knows what because I don't speak two year old, but I'm looking at her and god Jack, she's just so perfect and sweet and this little bundle of wonderful and I know that I'm never going to have anything that good in my life." She told him, her mind in a far off place her voice revealing her sadness.

He hated when Kate was in this state of mind. He instinctively wanted to do something, to fix it, to make all the hurt she felt go away, but he knew that Kate's wounds needed time, along with his support to heal and that he had no magic words for her, that he couldn't just wrap his arms around her and make it all go away and that trying to do that would only piss her off.

"Why won't you have anything that good in your life Kate?" He asked, keeping his tone steady, trying not to push too hard, afraid she'd clam up on him.

"Because I don't deserve anything that good, I'd just screw it up Jack." She admitted.

"You've got the opportunity to have Riley in your life Kate if that is what you want." He offered.

"She's not mine Jack, not a part of me. I'd end up just like Sam, letting her believe that I love her, but really resenting her because she's someone else's daughter." Kate rambled on as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"What are you getting at Kate?" He asked.

"I don't know Jack! I told you I'm confused. I don't know if I can do this. Loving Riley would be so easy right now. She's little and cute and people love what's little and cute, but what about when she's 14 and being a pain in the ass?" Kate argued.

"I don't understand." He said.

"I don't either. I'm afraid I'll screw this up and then there's this other baby that I'm supposed to welcome with open arms. I haven't even had a chance to learn to live with you, to get used to you, get used to staying in one place and seeing you every day and I'm supposed to do that while figuring out if I'm any good at nurturing two small children. It's too much." She complained.

"I understand your apprehensions and I respect your feelings and there will be no decisions made about the baby today, tomorrow or even a week from now because it's huge Kate, I know that. But Riley is here and she's not going anywhere and I don't believe you'd wake up one day and your feelings, whatever those feelings might be, will have changed. You won't be like Sam Kate, you'll be honest with Riley from the start and whatever you feel for her will be what it is." Jack stated.

"How can you be so sure?" She asked and wiped the tears from her face.

"Because I believe in you Kate and I believe that whatever relationship you form with Riley will come from your heart and not your head and that's all that will matter." Jack tried to assure her.

"She's beautiful Jack. She deserves a better role model than me. I'm bad Jack, why can't you see that?" Kate asked.

"Because you aren't bad and because you deserve good things. Do you want a baby of your own Kate? Is that what this is about?" He asked.

"No, I don't think so." She answered making him smirk.

"No you don't think you want a baby or no you don't think that's what this is about?" He asked.

"Both." She said.

"Maybe there is something else you'd rather do? I love the idea of you devoting your life to becoming my love slave, doing nothing but staying home all day and waiting for me to come home and devour you, but I don't expect you to stop having a life Kate. You're a breath of fresh air and I don't want to do anything to suffocate that." He said.

"I don't know what I want Jack, I've never been allowed to want anything or dare dream of having anything." She said.

"So why do you feel like you need to figure it all out today?" He asked.

"I need to do that for you. You want and deserve answers and I don't have them and I know I'll end up pushing you away if I don't tell you what you want to hear." She said sadly.

"What is it you think I want to hear?" He asked.

"You want me to tell you I'm going to stay here and help you raise your kids. You won't come out and say it, but I know that's what you want Jack and it's not fair for you to put me in this position. I'm afraid I'm going to end up resenting you or you resenting me if we don't come up with the right solution, the solution that you want." She accused.

"So you know what's in my mind now? It's my way or the highway? Do you really believe that?" He asked offended by her accusation.

"Stop it Jack! This is messy and you know it. There are two innocent children caught in the middle and the last thing they need is for us to start acting like children." Kate snapped at him.

"You're right Kate, it's messy and I'm sorry that I've brought all this baggage into a relationship that has barely had a chance to develop, but I can't make it go away because it's not a convenient time. I have to deal with it the best way I know how and hell Kate what do I know about dealing with children? Not much more than you do, probably less. I'm as freaked out and scared and overwhelmed by all this as you are believe me, the only difference is that I don't have a choice. I don't get to choose, but you do and maybe I won't like your decision, but I'll respect it and do my best to deal with it, whatever it is." He explained.

"This is crazy Jack, I need to go. I can't do this. I can't be what you need me to be. You deserve better and so do your kids." Kate said and started to stand up, stopped by his grabbing her arm and pulling her back down.

"Go where? What is going on with you Kate? You're all over the place. One minute you want the good, the next minute you aren't deserving of it and now you just want to run away. Have you not figured out yet that running is no longer an option for you? You can't solve a problem by pretending it doesn't exist. Talk to me, I can't help if you won't tell me where all this coming from." He pleaded with her.

"I'm scared Jack, scared that it isn't safe for children to be around me, scared of what I'm capable of, and scared that once you find out what happened in New Mexico you'll hate me and won't want me anywhere near your children. I could fall in love with that little girl so easily Jack and I couldn't handle you pushing me out of your lives because you wake up one day and realize you're disgusted with me." She finally admitted and looked at him.

His face showed a myriad of emotions as she struggled with and bounced back and forth through the issues that were weighing on her mind. He was doing his best to keep up with her without letting it eat at him on a personal level, but it was becoming more and more difficult for him to resist grabbing her and shaking her until she started making some sense, not that he ever would, but he was frustrated enough to think it.

He realized that they needed to talk and they needed some time alone to do that and that breakfast and shopping and Riley would have to wait because she needed his full attention right now. He excused himself and took Riley down the hall to Jennifer, promising he'd be back soon. He came back and found her curled up on the bed, his side, not Sarah's, still wearing the t-shirt and holding the toy airplane he'd seen her cling to on the island.

He climbed onto the bed and scooted up beside her, draping his arm over her waist and kissing her on the cheek lightly before letting his head come to rest on the pillow.

"Let's talk about it Kate, just put it out there and give me a chance to understand why it is you feel like you have to keep punishing yourself and why you feel like you don't deserve to have a good and fulfilling life. Help me understand where all this self-loathing comes from." He stated, his tone flat and unwavering. She knew this was it, that he wasn't going to let her out of the bedroom until she spilled her guts to him.

She wouldn't turn to look at him, afraid to see the disgust she knew would eventually be in his eyes. She began telling her story, how Tom was the only thing in her life that she could ever count on, that was good, that felt right and how that toy airplane was all she had left of him, of the memories of the only times she could say she was truly happy. She had to have it, no matter what the cost.

She'd gone to New Mexico, asked around and eventually was introduced to Jason. Jack felt his stomach tighten as she spoke of how she had to earn Jason's trust, how she had to sleep with him and how she just went to the same place she'd go when Wayne was raping her to get through it. How she was glad he finally passed out, sure she wouldn't be able to walk the next day after he'd pounded into her for the 4th or 5th time, so drunk the final time he couldn't come and it went on an on until she was sure she he'd rubbed her so raw she had to be bleeding, wincing in pain every time he'd push back into her, sweating like a pig, whining because he needed to come and couldn't, him finally making her finish him off with her hand.

Jack wasn't sure what he felt as he listened to her describe how she let a strange man violate her over and over so she could convince him to help her rob a bank. He decided he was numb, the woman and the body she was describing not the woman and the body he knew. It felt like she was describing someone else, someone neither of them knew or wanted to know. He stayed quiet, pulling her closer to him until her back was pressed firmly against his chest and stomach, trying to make her feel safe, focusing on how much he cared about her when he'd start to feel like he wanted to be upset with her. No matter how bad this tale was going to be, he knew he couldn't allow her to believe his feelings for her had changed or she would run and he wouldn't be able to stop her this time.

The story only got worse, worse than he could've imagined. Allowing Jason to fuck her all night long wasn't enough to convince him to help her. He needed to know she was capable of committing a crime so they drove to Roswell, where they pulled off a few home invasions. She watched while Jason terrorized the home owners, pistol whipping them, kicking them and threatening to kill them. She was terrified, afraid he'd kill her if she didn't go along with him. The final home invasion involved two women in their twenties. One of the women put up a fight and spit in Jason's face and he told her she'd pay. Kate had convinced him to just let it go and they left, went back to their hotel where Jason drank a six-pack of beer, made Kate perform oral sex on him and then left.

She is crying at this point, shaking, her mind and body no longer lying safely with Jack, but back in the moment, living it and feeling it. She can't see it, but Jack has tears in his eyes, the idea of how terrified she must've been through the ordeal replacing any negative feelings he was having with genuine concern for what she'd been through.

She doesn't believe Jack could possibly understand why she would put herself in a situation like that and he probably can't, but Jack understood how quickly a person can fall into a state of mind that would cause them to do things and behave in a manner, they normally wouldn't. Perhaps before Kasey or before the island, he would've felt the need to be judgmental and probably unforgiving, but he understood what it was like to step outside your body and become someone else; someone you never believed you could be, and it helped him to absorb the graphic tale she was telling and be able to feel compassion instead of anger or disgust.

She finally turned around and looked at him, expecting to see betrayal, disgust and hatred in his eyes, but instead she found Jack, the same Jack that had always been in those eyes, the eyes that always told her exactly what he was feeling and she started crying, wrapping her arms around his neck, him holding her tight as she shook in his arms and finished the rest of her story.

"He went back Jack. He went back to those women, the one that spit in his face and he tied them up and he raped them and then he slit their throats. He took pictures of it so he could show them to me, so I'd know better than to ever try to cross him. I wanted to die. I wanted to call the marshal and tell him where I was because I was so afraid of him, but mostly because I was so ashamed and so sorry for what had happened to those women. It's my fault they're dead. My plan to rob a bank to get into a safe deposit box is what brought Jason to Roswell, to their house." Kate cried.

He didn't say anything, he just continued to hold onto her and try to comfort her.

"We went ahead with the bank robbery. I had to. I was terrified of what Jason would do if I tried to back out. But, I knew if I could get past the robbery and get away from him I had what I needed to keep him at bay. While he was sleeping I took the memory card from his camera. I put it in an envelope and mailed it to someone for safe keeping. As long as I had the evidence of what he'd done, I figured he'd leave me alone and our paths would never cross again, but then he got stupid at the bank and he was going to shoot the bank manager. We had a deal that nobody was going to get hurt so I took the gun from one of his buddies that was helping us and I shot him in the leg and then I shot his buddy in the leg and then I made the bank manager give me the key to the safe deposit box."

"So you gave the memory card to the police in New Mexico? That was the deal you made with them?" Jack asked.

"Yes, and I told them the story the way he'd described it to me, how he'd raped them, how he made small, S-shaped cuts on them, torturing them before he finally killed them. He took pictures of all of it, even some of him raping the women. Those were the most disturbing photos I've ever seen in my life Jack and I feel so dirty when I think that he was inside me, dirtier than how Wayne made me feel. I'm ruined Jack, soiled, no good. Do you see that now?" She pleaded with him, face tear-streaked, body shaking, close to being in shock.

"Kate, stay right here. I'm going to go get you something to drink. I'll be right back I promise." He said softly and kissed the top of her head.

He returned to the bedroom with a glass of water and a small blue pill and a wet washcloth. He convinced her to sit up so he could pull the bed coverings back. He handed her the pill and the water.

"What is it?" She asked.

"It's valium, very small dose. It will help you relax." He assured her.

She swallowed the pill and lay back down. He covered her with the blankets and wiped her face with the cool cloth. It didn't take medical training to recognize when the trauma becomes too much and the body and the mind start to improvise, find a way to deal with it. He put the wet cloth down and crawled back into the bed with her, wrapping his arms around her, giving her time to settle down, time for the valium to ease the shock her brain was succumbing to. After he felt a sufficient amount of time had passed he made her turn around and look at him.

"I am so sorry for all that you've been through, but I'm glad that you told me. Holding that kind of stuff inside and never talking about it allows it to take control, trust me, I'm an expert on holding stuff inside." He said, his eyes never leaving hers the sincerity in them what she needed to see. She started to speak and he placed two fingers over her lips, silencing her.

"Shhh, no more today." He told her and kissed her on the forehead.

She moved closer to him, snuggling up against him, the valium relaxing her enough to allow her to sleep. He watched her sleep for a few minutes and once he was sure she was in deep enough he eased himself out from under her, covered her, closed the door and left to retrieve Riley from Jennifer.

He played with Riley for the remainder of the morning and by 1 PM he was easing himself out of Riley's bed, having finally gotten her to sleep, trying hard not to wake her, finding the idea of a nap appealing, the two women in his life having exhausted his mind and his body. He quietly entered his bedroom. Kate hadn't moved from the spot he left her in. He stripped down to his underwear and crawled into the bed beside her. She stirred until she reclaimed her position beside him, his arm wrapped snuggly around her and both were asleep within minutes.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he awoke to soft kisses on his neck, his ear lobe being nibbled and soft hands gliding through the hairs on his chest. He sighed a happy, content sigh and opened his eyes. Kate was perched with both arms folded over his chest looking back at him, her eyes sparkling and beautiful again, her mind appearing to have recovered from the trauma induced shock she was suffering from when he medicated her.

"Hey." He said sleepily.

"Hey yourself." She replied.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Yeah, I feel somewhat liberated actually." She admitted.

"Good." He said softly, his voice still as sleepy as his mind.

She sat up, her calves and feet folded under thighs, and put the toy airplane on his chest. He looked down at it confused and looked back up at her.

"I don't need it anymore." She said.

He didn't understand what she meant and after the morning she'd had was cautious about what he let slip out of his mouth, not sure if she was really feeling as good as she thought she did.

"Kate, what?" Was all he could manage.

"You never wavered Jack, didn't judge, didn't show any desire to crucify me for my mistakes, and we both know my mistakes have been of the huge variety so you would've been within your rights as a human-being to judge me or want to crucify me, but you didn't." She said softly, appreciatively.

"Well, you know what they say about people that live in glass houses." Jack said and handed the plane to her.

"Yeah, they shouldn't throw stones, but you could've and I would've deserved it, but you didn't and I'm not sure if I'm worthy of that, but it means more to me than you will ever know." She told him.

"You're deserving……of the unconditional acceptance, not the stones thing." Jack told her, the sleep fog finally starting to clear from his mind and his voice.

"Maybe, maybe not, I guess it's just a matter of self-acceptance now." She said.

"Pretty much, but you don't have to throw out your memories to achieve that do you?" He asked.

"I'll always have my memories of Tom. I don't need this little token, this symbol of what was good and worth fighting for anymore because I have a living, breathing person who is good, that is worth fighting for right here." She told him and kissed him.

"You don't have to fight for me Kate." He assured her.

"I do Jack. I have to fight the instincts that are a part of who I am, who I had to be in order to survive. You're doing a good job helping me redesign myself though." She explained.

"I don't want to redesign you Kate. I happen to like who you are. I just want you to love yourself as much as I love you, trust yourself as much as I trust you and lose that uncontrollable urge to bolt every time things get difficult." He told her.

"I know and I'm working on that, old habits die hard. I'm sorry I've been acting like a lunatic." She said.

"You've been through a lot Kate and I dumped a lot on you all at once, don't be sorry. I'm glad all the hard stuff is finally out in the open. Maybe it'll make going forward a little easier." He said.

"You're sure about that? You really want to go forward with me, knowing all that you know?" Kate asked, her voice serious, giving him his final opportunity to get out of the relationship.

He didn't really have to think about the answer, he'd had all morning to think about it, the conclusion being that he loved her no matter what and couldn't imagine going forward without her. He stared up at her, her curls surrounding her beautiful face, his t-shirt hanging off her bare shoulder, her tiny frame not able to support the size of it and he wanted her, the sight of her still pushing every erotic button in his body, his love for her unlike anything he'd ever known in his entire life.

He thought about holding back, that maybe she wasn't emotionally prepared for him to want her like he did at the moment, but decided to test the waters, prepared to not feel dejected or hurt if she pushed him away. He slid his hands up her thighs and under the t-shirt she was wearing, moving his hands up until he was holding both breasts, gently, thumbs gliding slowly over the nipples. She looked down at him and smiled before grabbing the bottom hem of the t-shirt, pulling it up and off, tossing it to the floor before straddling him and letting her bottom come to rest on his stomach.

He continued to caress her breasts and move his hands up over her shoulders and then down, fingers gliding slowly over her sides and stomach, tracing a delicate line just above the elastic of her panties.

"You're so beautiful." He said in a sweet, serious tone before sitting up and rolling her off of him and onto her back, hovering over her, his mouth covering hers in a long, lingering kiss, moaning into her mouth as her tongue danced with his, her hands slipping into the waistband of his underwear, rubbing over his butt and then making their way around to the front, his hand reaching down and stopping her.

His large hand wrapped around both her wrists at the same time and pulled her arms and hands up and over her head, letting go of them, but leaving the impression that he was in the driver's seat and he preferred she lay back and enjoy the ride.

She let her arms relax where he had placed them and closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his mouth placing light kisses along her jaw line, slowly moving down to her neck, finding a soft, delicate spot and marking her, the light nipping and sucking and the sensation of the hair on his chest lightly brushing over her nipples making her squirm as she began to heat up.

He continued to nibble and suck at her neck, moving his mouth down to her breasts, her back arching as he took one of her nipples into his mouth, rolling his tongue over it while he gently sucked, staying there almost as if he were nursing, not willing to let go and then suddenly switching and latching on to the other one, as his hand moved down, slipping inside her panties, her feeling the familiar ache for him instantly, followed by his moan of satisfaction as he penetrated her with a finger, pleased and excited by how responsive she was, ready to take him and him ready to bury himself inside.

He took a deep breath and sat up on his knees, positioned between her legs. He slowly glided her panties off of her and gently ran the fingers of one hand over her stomach while the fingers of his other hand penetrated her again, making her buck her hips up against him. He pressed her hips back down gently with the hand that was on her stomach and bought that hand down to massage her while three of the fingers on his other hand continued to move in and out of her, smiling as she climaxed, the warm moisture covering his hand.

He moved his hands over the inside of her thighs, looking into her eyes, eyes that were pleading with him to make love to her, eyes that were full of trust and love for him. She didn't speak, biting her bottom lip as he continued to move his hands lightly over her thighs, taking a deep breath as he moved his mouth down, biting and sucking on the inside of her thigh, marking her again before moving down further and gliding his tongue through her crease, the sensitivity from the first orgasm heightening the experience, his warm tongue gliding over her clit feeling like a jolt of electricity, a flood of warmth rushing over her entire loin as he slid a finger inside while his tongue continued to tease her most sensitive area.

She clutched the sheets and dug her feet into the mattress as the next orgasm rocked her body, trying not to scream, instead letting go of long breaths, eyes shut tightly, head moving from side to side and then finally panting his name over and over as he kept his mouth between her legs until she was finished, providing light flicks with his tongue to make it more intense for her as she squirmed away from him, too sensitive to endure the touching any longer.

He sat up on his knees and pulled his underwear down to his knees, leaning forward and working them down his calves, finally kicking them off, moving forward between her legs, putting himself into position and pushing himself in slowly, following on top of her, his weight supported by his hands and arms, dropping his head to kiss her while holding his position, buried deep inside. She was so hot, wet and slippery he decided to take it slow, placing her legs over his shoulders to provide closer contact, keep from slipping out of her. He pushed in hard and deep, making her moan. He pulled out about halfway and slowly drove back in again, noticing that she was tilting herself up higher, wanting him deeper. He pulled back almost all the way and drove back in, getting a rhythm going, arms extended and pushing steadily in and out, hearing the familiar "oh, oh" as she was building toward another climax, and wanting to make her scream.

He could feel her starting to tighten around him, allowing him to increase his pace, his own release so close he was having trouble catching his breath. He pushed into her several more times and she finally let loose with the scream he was hoping for, his own release following hers and keeping him from covering her mouth with his to muffle the scream, certain that there was no way Riley slept through it, but not really caring as long as he didn't literally get caught with his pants down.

He kissed her and moved off of her, rolling onto his back, breathing hard, his chest gleaming with sweat, pulling the sheets up to his waist. He lay still for a moment, listening for a cry or the sounds of small feet moving across carpet. Satisfied that the scream hadn't woke the child he propped himself up on one arm and looked down at her, gliding his fingers gently over her stomach and chest, enjoying the look of absolute bliss that was currently highlighting every one of her facial features. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"A girl could get used to that ya know." She said and smiled at him.

"I hope so and I hope she never gets tired of it." He said and kissed her.

"Where is Riley?" She asked.

"She's taking a nap in her room." He answered.

"I guess shopping for a new bed is out?" She asked.

"We can do that tomorrow, I told Hurley we'd be over later and he's not going to tell Sawyer and Claire you're coming. A big surprise, catch them off guard. That should really piss Sawyer off yeah?" He laughed.

"Yeah, he hates when he doesn't have a chance to check his emotions at the door." Kate laughed.

"Great, you can have the shower first if you want and I'll go see if the little maniac is really still asleep or if she is making a new mess for me to clean up." Jack told her and climbed out of bed.

Kate watched him dress and walk out of the bedroom. She lay peacefully curled up in a ball, enjoying the smell of him all over her, not really wanting to wash it off, but deciding that going to visit friends smelling like sex probably wasn't a great idea, knowing Sawyer would be crass enough to comment on it. She smiled at the thought and slowly made her way to the shower.


	18. Chapter 18

Kate came out of the bathroom, hair pulled up on top of her head and a towel wrapped around her. Jack was letting Riley jump on the bed, the child gleefully falling down onto the center of the mattress and giggling. He pulled the little girl into his lap and tried to look innocent when Kate entered the room.

"I saw that Jack." Kate said.

"Well, we are getting rid of it, so no harm in letting her have some fun is there?" Jack asked.

"Remember that when you catch her jumping unsupervised and trust me, you will." Kate laughed.

"She pulled all of this stuff out of her hair. Do you think you could fix it while I take a shower?" Jack asked, his hand holding the tiny barrettes.

"Yeah, sure." Kate said and took the barrettes from him.

He stood and kissed her, glancing at her neck and then running his fingers over the large mark he'd left there.

"That must've been one vicious mosquito." He commented with an ornery grin.

"Yeah or one very ornery man, think you got it big enough for Sawyer to see?" She teased.

"Kate, are you suggesting there's more behind that than true love and uncontrollable lust?" He asked acting like he was shocked and then laughing, unable to keep a straight face.

"Uh huh, that's what I thought, how about if I wear something revealing enough to allow Sawyer to see this one too?" Kate continued to tease him, pulling her towel back and pointing to the large hickey he'd left on the inside of her thigh about an inch below her crotch.

He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her, smiling at her as he slid his hand up under her towel from behind, making her squeal and slap at his chest.

"Good grief Jack, does your motor ever stop running?" She asked.

"Not when there is a sexy woman standing in front of me wearing nothing but a towel." He answered before looking down at the small person pushing on his leg.

"Daddy off! My Kate!" Riley ordered making both of them laugh.

He picked her up and tickled her until she begged him to stop and set her back down on the floor.

"Kate up." Riley whined holding her arms out to be picked up.

Kate reached down and picked her up. Riley wrapped her arms around Kate's neck and put her head on her shoulder. Kate looked down at her and rubbed her hand over her back and kissed the top of her head.

"She's so sweet Jack, you've got a great kid." Kate told him.

"I didn't have anything to do with it." He admitted.

"Please, she acts just like you, makes a strong case for genetics versus environment huh?" Kate said making him smile.

Kate got dressed and fixed Riley's hair while Jack showered. They walked out together like a family for the first time, a moment not lost on Jack, liking the way it felt, hoping it would continue to feel as right as it did at that moment. They stopped to say hello to a few people on the way out, the lobby busier than usual, and finally made their way to the car and on their way to visit their friends.

Kate's eyes were big and her mouth hung open slightly as she took in the view from the front of Hurley's home as they pulled in the long driveway.

"It's the first time I've seen it too. Nice. Think he'd let us move in too?" Jack said and winked at her.

"They all live here together?" Kate asked.

"Yeah I guess so. Did I forget to mention that Claire really likes Sawyer, but Sawyer is scared to death of anything that might be real so he avoids her?" Jack laughed.

"You did leave that little detail out Jack. You men really can't be counted on when it comes to spreading the gossip." Kate teased.

They retrieved Riley from the back seat and walked up the front sidewalk to the front door and rang the doorbell. After a few moments they could hear Sawyer on the other side of the door in his typical surly mood.

"Just because I agreed to do some work for you don't make me your personal doorman boss hog." Sawyer's voice rang clear though the closed door making Jack and Kate laugh, more in anticipation of the look that would be on Sawyer's face when he opened the door than over his latest gripe at Hurley.

The door opened and Sawyer, whose face was twisted into an aggravated look, ready to deliver one of his insults, froze. He was shocked and speechless, looking at Kate the hint of a smile starting to creep into his expression.

"Sawyer speechless, that's got to be one for the record books." Jack laughed and entered the house with Riley on his hip stopping right beside Sawyer, unable to go any further.

Sawyer stood holding the door, looking at Kate and then back at Jack and then out toward the driveway and then back at Kate.

"Are you going to stand there looking stupid all night or are you going to give her a hug?" Jack asked and pushed past him, snapping Sawyer out of his temporary state of shock.

"Well, since I got your blessing and all doc, I think I will." Sawyer said and wrapped his arms around her, holding onto her a little tighter and little longer than Jack was comfortable with, but let it go, remembering how he felt the day he walked into the hotel suite and saw her.

Hurley and Claire approached the foyer where Kate was being greeted by Sawyer and took their turns hugging her and welcoming her home.

"Down Daddy!" Riley demanded.

"I don't know about that kiddo, looks like there's a lot you could mess up here." Jack told her.

"Let her down Jack, it's fine." Hurley told him.

"Okay, but if there is anything lying around she can open and dump out she will find it, so consider yourself warned." Jack said and set her down.

Riley walked over to Hurley and put her arms up.

"Hooley up!" She demanded.

Hurley reached down and picked her up. She was ready to play whatever game they had been playing at the party at the hotel.

"She sure is a bossy little thing." Sawyer commented.

"You'd expect anything less from Jack's offspring?" Kate asked making them all laugh.

"I'm not bossy, just ask any of the nurses at the hospital, they all want to work with me." Jack defended himself.

"Um Jack, of course they do, have you looked in the mirror lately?" Claire teased, making him blush.

"Don't listen to them Riley, you're perfect." Jack told her as he put his arm around Claire and let her walk him out of the foyer for the grand tour of the house, purposely leaving Kate and Sawyer behind to catch up.

"So I guess the hero came through huge this time." Sawyer commented.

"You know he hates it when people call him that." Kate said.

"Yeah I know, but it's fun to watch the veins in his neck pop out." Sawyer said.

"You look good Sawyer, happy." Kate said.

"Well other than that rather large bite mark on your neck, you look good too Freckles. Damn, who'd guessed the doc is part vampire." Sawyer teased her.

"Yeah, I guess he did get carried away." Kate said softly, embarrassed and a little guilty, not wanting to flaunt her relationship with Jack in Sawyer's face.

"Hell Freckles, a man wouldn't be normal if he weren't carried away by you. Good to know there's at least one thing normal about the guy." Sawyer groused trying to ease the uncomfortable situation.

"You know you like him Sawyer." Kate pushed.

"Never said I didn't Freckles." Sawyer agreed.

"So what's this I hear about you and Claire?" Kate asked.

Sawyer rolled his eyes and sighed heavily.

"There ain't no me and Claire." He grumbled.

"Why not? Jack says she really likes you." Kate continued to prod.

"Well Jack needs to shut up, mind his own business." Sawyer said.

"Come on Sawyer, what's stopping you? You like her don't you?" Kate asked.

"Don't matter what I like, that boy of hers deserves a decent role model in his life, someone like his Uncle Jack or his Uncle John as she calls them." Sawyer argued.

"So Aaron doesn't have an Uncle Sawyer?" Kate asked.

"Would you want your kid to have me for an uncle?" He shot back clearly aggravated with the conversation.

"Yeah, I would and so would Jack, seems like the only person that wouldn't want you around their kids is you." Kate accused.

"That's right sweetheart and I don't want to be around them. I don't like kids." Sawyer growled.

"Stop it Sawyer, the only reason you're upset is because you're too dense to see the big picture." Kate said.

"Did you just call me stupid Freckles?" He asked.

"No, I called you dense, but stubborn would probably be a better word. The only reason Aaron doesn't have an Uncle Sawyer is because Claire wants you to be more than another protective brotherly type, not because she doesn't want you around him." Kate told him.

"What is it with you and Jack? First he's pushing me to jump her bones, now you." Sawyer complained making Kate laugh.

"I seriously doubt Jack was pushing you jump anyone's bones, especially Claire's." Kate objected.

"Whatever, I don't want to talk about this anymore. So, you and Jacko playing house now? Gonna get married and make Jack junior? Think this city is big enough for another Jack Freckles?" Sawyer continued to agitate.

"We're still trying to get used to each other Sawyer, no serious plans beyond today. He treats me really good you know. I love him. He makes me happy. Would it kill you to be happy for me or at least fake it for my sake?" Kate asked tiring of his constant berating of Jack and their relationship.

"Come on Freckles, you know I don't go for that touchy, feely stuff. (sighs) Look, I'll make a deal with you. If I give you one moment of nice, it gets to be open season on Jack again." Sawyer bargained.

"Okay, go ahead, impress me with some heartfelt sentiment Sawyer." Kate dared.

"I always knew he loved you more than I did, knew he'd take better care of you than I ever could, knew he could give you everything you want and deserve, knew he was a better man than me, course he's probably a better man than most so I don't let that one bother me too much. Here's the real shocker for you, being stuck on an island with him all that time made me want to be a better man, hell he's even convinced me that I can be, what the hell do you think I'm doing here, working with Hurley, taking Claire out, getting up and walking around with the rugrat when he's wailing an nobody seems to hear him." Sawyer explained, his voice sincere, his desire to change and have a real life honest and from the heart.

Kate's eyes showed the tears she was fighting and a couple managed to slip down her cheeks. Sawyer reached out and wiped them away. She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You know I care very much about you Sawyer and what you just told me means a lot to me. I won't keep pushing you to be touchy, feely, but just promise me you'll keep trying because it would make me happy to see you happy." Kate told him.

"Deal, now stop with the tears or your boyfriend is going to think I did something and even though he hits like a girl it still hurts." Sawyer urged making her laugh.

"So you took Claire out? Do I need to go track her down and get all the details?" Kate teased.

"I'm in hell aren't I? There's no details Freckles, I was a perfect gentleman, nothing more than a kiss on the cheek at the door." Sawyer groaned.

"That's so sweet. I can't wait to tell Jack." Kate told him allowing him to put his arm around her waist and lead her to the back patio where the rest of them had gathered.

They walked out onto the patio to find Hurley and Jack attempting to grill actual food on a grill that looked like it belonged in a mess hall it was so large. Claire was sitting on the large covered patio with Aaron and Riley, watching the two men fumble and bumble around, laughing at their incompetence.

"I thought you said you knew how to do this." Jack said.

"Dude, I said I'd seen people do it. We cooked friggin boar and fish on sticks on an island over an open fire, how hard could this be?" Hurley asked making him laugh.

"Havin a little trouble there boys?" Sawyer asked.

"Cooking isn't my thing." Jack said holding his hands up and backing away from the large cooking apparatus.

"What's the matter, afraid you'll burn those precious hands?" Sawyer taunted.

"Well, I never really thought about it that way, but it sounds like a good excuse to me." Jack agreed.

"You're serious?" Sawyer asked.

"Dude, we've been out here jackin with this thing for like 20 minutes, he's serious. Do you know how to do it or what?" Hurley asked.

Sawyer rolled his eyes, sighed heavily and began cooking the meat for them, complaining the entire time. They sat outside and ate steaks and drank beer and watched the kids play. Aaron was in a walker and Riley was into everything, currently sitting in Jack's lap as a form of timeout after she wandered off the patio for the umpteenth time.

"Down!" Riley screamed in the high-pitched voice that ran down Jack's spine and made him want to jam pencils in his ears.

"Don't scream Riley, it's not nice." Jack said and tightened his grip on the squirming child.

"No Daddy, down." She continued to whine and fight to get out of his lap.

The others watched amused at how the man who always had all the answers and could calm everybody down on the island couldn't seem to figure out what to do with the 30 pound ball of fire in his lap, a definite battle of wills.

"You aren't getting down Riley." He said firmly, readjusting her in his lap, his arm wrapped firmly around her stomach.

"No, I pway." Riley fussed as she slapped at his forearm and kicked her feet, trying to get him to let go of her.

"Knock it off!" He raised his voice enough to get her attention.

"Jack." Kate objected.

"What?" Jack asked obviously reaching the end of his rope.

"Maybe she'll behave now if you let her down?" Kate asked.

"Are you going to stay on the patio Riley?" Jack asked.

She nodded her head yes so he let her down. She watched him carefully and slowly backed up, inching closer and closer to the edge of the patio.

"Don't do it Riley." He warned.

She continued to watch him, teasing him, as if she were daring him to stop her, the others covering their mouths to hide the laughter finding the standoff amusing and Jack himself fighting the urge to smile, her stubborn streak like looking in a mirror. She finally stepped one foot off the patio and took off running, with Jack in pursuit, Kate, Hurley, Claire and even Sawyer no longer able to control their laughter.

Jack brought her back kicking and screaming and sat down with her again. She threw her head straight back and caught him on the chin with it, the pain elevating his frustration and shortening his fuse. He straightened her back up on his lap and wrapped his arm around her again, reaching for his beer, determined to win the battle. He took a big drink of his beer and before he could get it swallowed he felt the piercing pain in his forearm as small, sharp teeth clamped down on him. He managed to finish swallowing without choking and reacted to the pain.

"God dammit!" Jack yelled and tried to pry the child's mouth away from his arm.

"Riley, let go." Kate coaxed the child, but she wouldn't unclench her teeth.

Jack put his hand under her chin and gripped both sides of her jaw, squeezing just hard enough to make her let go. He was as angry as a human-being could be at a two year old. He sat her down in the chair firmly and kneeled down in front of her.

"That was very bad Riley, now you stay in that chair and don't move!" He scolded the child his voice angry and threatening enough to make her cry and not want to move out of the chair.

Riley sat in the chair and cried and Jack stood up, looking at his arm.

"The little shit drew blood. Do you have any peroxide Hurley?" Jack asked.

"Yeah man, come inside I'll get it for you." Hurley answered.

"Kate!" Riley cried reaching out for her, wanting her to pick her up.

Jack looked at Kate.

"Jack, it's pitiful." Kate pleaded with him.

"She's being punished Kate." He said.

"She's been punished enough." Kate argued.

"She's my daughter Kate, I'll decide when it's enough." Jack snapped wishing he could take it back as soon as it came out. She stood, walked over to him and looked up at him.

"That's just perfect." She said both angry and hurt and walked away from him.

"Kate, wait, I'm sorry." He called after her.

"Better go after her doc." Sawyer said.

He looked at Sawyer, irritated, but more with himself than with Sawyer. He gestured toward Riley.

"We'll keep an eye on the piranha, go, grovel, beg and good luck." Sawyer suggested with a grin.

"Yeah, thanks." Jack said solemnly and walked into the house.

He found her sitting at the small table in the kitchen, stewing and brewing. He felt bad. He asks her if she wants to help him with his daughter and then cuts her off on her first attempt. He sat beside her and attempted to take her hand in his, only to have her pull it away and put her hands in her lap.

"You can be a real jerk sometimes Jack." She told him.

"Agreed, I'm sorry Kate. It was a stupid thing to say." Jack apologized.

"It was typical you Jack." Kate said.

"So I'm typically stupid Kate?" Jack asked.

"No, you're typically always right and there's no room for argument." Kate offered.

"Ouch, I should probably work on that then." Jack agreed.

"Don't do that." Kate said.

"Do what?" Jack asked.

"Don't NOT defend yourself just so you can get out of the doghouse." Kate snapped making him laugh.

"Kate, do you want to fight? I told you I was sorry. I know what I said was stupid and wrong, why would I try to defend it?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I can't take an active role in helping you with your kids if you're going to cut me off and remind me that they aren't mine every time I disagree with you. I won't even try, that's bullshit, you can't have it both ways." Kate said.

"I'll tell you what Kate, when you tell me that you are interested in being actively involved in Riley's life she will become our daughter instead of my daughter, but you've not told me that yet and you can't have it both ways either." Jack shot back, getting frustrated with her.

"What are we doing Jack? I'm supposed to commit to being involved in your daughter's life without some kind of commitment from you?" Kate asked.

"What kind of commitment do you want from me?" Jack asked.

"Relax Jack, I'm not trying to get you to propose to me today, I'm trying to get you to see the big picture. I'm trying to get to know your daughter, trying to figure out if we can spend our lives together and that is going to take time, time for both of us to determine if we want to commit to each other. You can't force me to commit to being Riley's stepmother today when we haven't even figured out if we'll still be together in six months, but you could at least support my efforts in trying to develop a relationship with her." Kate said getting as frustrated with him as he was with her.

"That's the difference between us Kate. There isn't a doubt in my mind that we'll be together in six months or six years from now. I'm in this for the long haul, committed to being there for you every day, ready to buy a house in the suburbs and raise a family with you. I know what I want Kate. I've got it all figured out. I'm just waiting on you to decide if you feel the same way." Jack explained.

"How can you know that Jack?" Kate asked.

"Because I do, because I can't imagine my life without you in it, because I know there is nothing out there that I want in my life more than you. I guess feeling the way that I do, it's kind of stupid to not go buy a ring and make it official, but you'd probably turn me down and I really couldn't handle that. I thought my reluctance to consider the "M" word was coming from bitterness, but I understand where it's coming from now." Jack told her the sincerity and the sadness in his eyes making her feel guilty.

"Jack, I…" Kate struggled to find an explanation for why he was right.

"It's okay Kate. We've both got trust issues, but yours go much deeper than mine. You'll figure it out in time and I'll know if and when you're ready for me to go down on one knee." Jack told her and smiled at her.

"You think you know me that well huh?" Kate asked returning the smile.

"I know you aren't ready for that now don't I?" He answered and winked at her.

"We should probably get back out to Riley." Kate said.

"She's fine, we need to finish making up." He said as he reached over, pulled her into his lap and began kissing her.

Meanwhile, on the patio Hurley, Claire and Sawyer have let Riley out of the chair, not sure how long Jack and Kate would be fighting and caving into the child's hungry and thirsty pleas. She had a cup of juice and Claire cut up a hot dog for her. She would grab as much of the hotdog as would fit in her hand and walk around the patio, busying herself by exploring and touching to see what would get a reaction from the adults. She would stop and look at Aaron in his walker, not quite sure what to make of a person that was smaller than her, something she hadn't encountered before.

She dropped her juice cup and in typical two year old fashion, set her pieces of hot dog down on the nearest surface available while she picked it up. Unfortunately, that surface happened to be the tray on Aaron's walker and none of the adults noticed until Claire looked over and Aaron was turning blue. Claire jumped from her chair, screaming that the baby wasn't breathing. Sawyer, who was starting to dose off in his chair, and who was closer to Aaron than she was, sat up and looked down at the baby. Claire was right he was turning blue.

"Somebody help him! He's choking!" Claire screamed, holding up a piece of the hot dog, panicking, too frightened to think clearly and try to help her baby.

Sawyer pulled the baby out of the walker and sat him on his leg while Claire dug through the baby's mouth and throat with her finger, trying to grab what she knew was a piece of hot dog, but kept coming up empty handed.

"Go get Jack!" Sawyer yelled and laid Aaron over his forearm, getting the baby's small stomach positioned where he thought it needed to be.

"No, I can't leave my baby!" Claire screamed.

"I'm on it!" Hurley yelled, grabbed Riley and ran into the house screaming for Jack.

Sawyer hit Aaron's back a couple of times, trying not to hit him too hard.

"Come on kid, spit it up." Sawyer pleaded and increased the force he was hitting him with.

Jack was on the patio instantly, stopping a few feet away from Sawyer, bending over and grabbing his legs right above the knees, watching Sawyer's technique carefully.

"Come on man, you got it, just keep going, don't give up." Jack coaxed, not moving, allowing Sawyer to continue on.

After four more firm strikes to the baby's back the hot dog dislodged, flying out of the baby's mouth and onto the patio, followed quickly by loud, healthy screams. Sawyer sat the baby up on his leg and Jack moved a little closer watching the blue in his lips slowly disappear.

"Take him." Sawyer said handing the baby to Jack.

Jack took the baby from him and looked him over quickly before handing him to Claire.

"He's okay Claire. His color's back, he's breathing, scary, but he's okay." Jack told her.

Hurley and Kate stood back watching, still a bit stunned. Jack approached Sawyer and patted him on the shoulder.

"Good job man. I guess it's my turn to start calling you hero." Jack said.

"I just did what anybody would've done." Sawyer growled.

"So you didn't set out to look like a hero? Huh, imagine that." Jack teased.

"Point taken doc, can we just forget about it now? I'm going to get a beer, anyone need a fresh one?" Sawyer asked standing on legs he didn't realize were so shaky, catching himself and then sitting back down.

"It's adrenaline Sawyer, it'll wear off in a few minutes." Jack told him.

Claire stood in front of Sawyer, holding Aaron close to her, still upset over the incident.

"Thank you Sawyer. I'm glad somebody more capable than me was here. I'm going to take him upstairs." Claire said and walked away.

They watched her carry Aaron into the house. Kate noticed the tears in her eyes.

"Somebody should go with her. She's really upset." Kate said while looking directly at Sawyer.

"I think she's talking to you." Jack laughed.

"Why can't you go?" Sawyer whined at Kate.

"Because I'm not what she needs." Kate told him.

"You should go doc, make sure the rugrat is okay." Sawyer fidgeted.

"He's fine." Jack said.

"Dude, what's your problem? She likes you, you like her, go make her feel better." Hurley said.

Sawyer looked at all of them staring at him, waiting for him to make a move and sighed. Jerking himself up out of his chair, his body language suggesting it was paining him to have to be bothered with making Claire feel better even though the three adults watching him knew better. He entered the house and once they were sure he was out of earshot all three began laughing.

Sawyer walked up the stairs to the room where Aaron slept. The door was slightly ajar. He peeked inside and could see Claire standing over Aaron's crib and he could tell she was crying. He'd spent his entire life making himself immune to women and the emotions that come with them, but she could get to him, like no woman he'd ever met, including Kate. She was sweet and wholesome and beautiful and made him want things he refused to allow himself to want for so long he was surprised the first time he realized what he was feeling.

He walked into the room and stood beside her looking into the crib, the baby settling himself down for the night and her crying and apologizing for being a bad mother. He turned to face her, took hold of her shoulders and made her turn to look at him. She looked up at him, sad and shaken to the core, her pretty blue eyes tired and clouded. He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her, hugging her tightly, wanting to comfort her. He could feel parts of him opening up, healing, allowing her into the depths of his heart he was certain were forever sealed as she sobbed into his chest, her arms wrapped around his waist, destroyed over the fact that she froze when her son was in danger.

"Don't beat yourself up, that boy's got one hell of a mother." He said sweetly, his southern charm accented to perfection.

"A good mother wouldn't have panicked. If you weren't there he would've died." She argued.

"No, a good mother would panic, hell I bet even Jack would be less effective than normal if it was his own kid that was in trouble and you don't think I was panicked? I was scared to death." Sawyer admitted making Claire pull back and look up at him.

"You were? You didn't look afraid." Claire said softly.

"The whole time I was just wishing Jack would hurry up and get there because I didn't want to be the one that couldn't save him." Sawyer said the admittance and the memory of what it felt like to be scared to death to fail at that moment giving him insight into what things must've been like for Jack on the island and fully understanding why being called a hero infuriated Jack.

"I'll never forget what you did." She told him, her blue eyes looking up at him, tears all over the tiny features of her sweet face and at that moment all of his defenses came down, the need to protect her and the desire to feel something for her more powerful than the fear of allowing himself to feel again.

He cupped her face in his hands, wiping her tears away gently with his thumbs, leaning in slowly, cautiously, giving her time to pull back if she wasn't interested and then finally letting his lips touch hers, softly and slowly, searching for a response, a response that came almost immediately and the kiss intensified, his tongue lightly gliding over her lips, seeking entrance and her opening up for him, allowing him to pull her closer, the embrace tight, the kiss electrifying and then finally pulling apart, staying close, eyes closed and trying to catch their breath. He moved in to kiss her again and she pulled back, putting her hands on his chest, keeping him at bay for the moment.

"I really like you Sawyer." Claire said.

"But." Sawyer replied expecting to hear all the reasons why she couldn't pursue anything with him.

"But, I need to know that you didn't kiss me because you feel sorry for me at the moment, that tomorrow you aren't going to brush me off." She told him.

"I'm not too good at this, not when it's real, but here goes. I didn't kiss you because I felt sorry for you. I kissed you because I wanted to, been wanting too since the day I let you and him move into my shelter on the island." He told her, shocked at his willingness to be honest with her, not recognizing the person that he was when he was with her.

"Okay then." Claire said with a smile and let him kiss her again.

They stayed in Aaron's nursery for awhile, so long the others were beginning to wonder if they were coming back down.

"Gee, do you suppose they like went to bed or something?" Hurley asked.

"No they didn't go to bed or SOMETHING. The kid won't go to sleep, she'll be down as soon as he does." Sawyer answered making all three of them jump.

Riley was sitting in Kate's lap fighting to keep her eyes open, still mad at her daddy and giving him the cold shoulder. Hurley was sitting beside Kate, reaching out and teasing Riley to make her pull back and squeal loudly, not in the mood to be messed with. He seemed to find the child's high-pitched protest amusing. He did it again and Riley let go of a squeal so loud it sounded more like a wounded animal than a human sound, which of course made Jack want to find the source of the noise and destroy it.

"Hurley, if you don't quit making her scream you're going to have to have my foot surgically removed from your ass." Jack threatened.

"Sorry dude." Hurley laughed.

Sawyer plopped himself down beside Jack. Jack looked over at him and laughed lightly.

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"Nothing, just didn't realize you wore lipstick." Jack chuckled and reached for the cell phone that was vibrating in his pocket. His smile quickly faded when the caller ID revealed the call was coming from one of the local hospitals.

Hurley, Kate and Sawyer noticed his facial expression go immediately to one of concern and quietly sat and listened to his side of the conversation.

"Hello."

"This is Dr. Shephard."

"You found my card where?"

"Yes, I know her."

"No, she's not a patient, she's a friend."

"Jesus, is she going to make it?"

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"No, I need to be there and I'll see what I can do about locating family."

"Okay, thank you."

Jack stood and shoved the phone in his pocket, obviously upset.

"Jack, what's wrong?" Kate asked.

"We've got to go." Jack answered rubbing his hand over his short hair, anxious, freaked and ticking.

"Who was that? Is someone hurt?" Kate asked.

"It was the ER, hospital about 20 minutes from here. Kasey, she um (long pause as he fights his emotions), she tried to kill herself, cut her wrists. We have to go now." Jack said reaching for the sleepy child.

"This isn't your fault Jack." Kate told him putting her hand on the side of his face, making him look at her.

"Don't……..okay……….just don't. Let's go." Jack ordered.

"Maybe I should stay here with Riley, she shouldn't be in the middle of something like that." Kate suggested.

"Um Kate, maybe you should go, he doesn't look like he should be driving. Riley can stay here." Hurley offered.

"I'm fine! Let's go!" Jack snapped.

"Dude you aren't fine. You're shaking and obviously upset and you've been drinking. Let Kate drive you." Hurley pushed.

"Shut up, everybody just stop trying to take care of me. I'm fine, now let's go Kate." Jack insisted in a calmer tone reaching for Riley again being stopped by Sawyer grabbing his arm.

"I don't know what the hell is going on with you doc, but if you want to get behind the wheel of a car and kill yourself go ahead, but you ain't taking them down with you." Sawyer warned snapping Jack out of his crazed state of mind.

Jack stood looking dazed, confused and upset, not knowing what to do.

"I'm sorry Kate. Stay here. I'll be back a soon as I can." Jack said and turned to leave.

Kate gave Sawyer a pleading look. He understood what she wanted and nodded.

"Jack." Sawyer called out.

"What? I've got to go." Jack answered quietly trying to control his temper.

"Give me the keys, I'm going with you." Sawyer told him.

"Fine, whatever, we're wasting time arguing over this." Jack said and tossed the keys to him.

Jack leaned in and kissed Kate and then Riley.

"I'll call you." Jack said.

"I'm sorry Jack, I hope she's going to be okay." Kate said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too." Jack said as straightened back up and followed Sawyer into the house.


	19. Chapter 19

Jack sat quietly in the passenger seat of his car, never opening his mouth except to instruct Sawyer when and where to turn next. Sawyer listened to him call someone named Jennifer and ask her to track down Kasey's brother and guessed by the directions Jack was giving her that they all lived the same condominium complex. The car slowed, a traffic jam on the freeway bringing all six lanes to a halt. Jack looked up when he felt the car slow down and sighed heavily.

"Perfect." Jack mumbled.

"What the hell is going on Jack?" Sawyer asked, not mincing words.

"It's complicated Sawyer, not to mention private." Jack answered.

"Kasey? Wasn't that the name of the chick you told me about that night on the beach?" Sawyer asked.

"Jesus, you remember that?" Jack asked, shocked that Sawyer would remember the girl's name, since he didn't remember mentioning the girl's name.

"I only forget what I want to forget. It's a gift." Sawyer said.

"I guess that explains why someone with a 9th grade education is so intelligent." Jack mumbled.

"You think I'm smart doc?" Sawyer asked with an edge of sarcastic disbelief.

"Well, you aren't stupid and I'm really not in the mood to banter with you." Jack said flatly turning to look out his window.

"So, why are you are so upset over this Kasey trying to off herself? Did you do something to her?" Sawyer continued to push.

"What part of it's private did you not understand?" Jack snapped.

"Hell doc, we're practically family." Sawyer teased.

Jack looked at him and laughed lightly.

"You have no idea." Jack said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sawyer asked.

"I got her pregnant Sawyer, that's what I did to her. Fucked her brains out, treated her like a whore, left for Sydney and left her pregnant." Jack admitted, his words angry, distant and full of self-loathing.

"So what? She tried to kill herself because you didn't come back from your near death experience ready to marry her and raise the baby?" Sawyer asked sarcastically.

"I don't know why she did this. Last time we talked she said she was fine, had it all planned out, was going to put the baby up for adoption and wanted to know if I would agree to that, was going home to live with her mom in New York after the baby was born. She said she was fine, but I should've known she wasn't." Jack explained, his voice sad, full of regret.

"Now how in the hell were you supposed to know she wasn't fine? Jesus doc do you hold yourself personally responsible for everyone's problems?" Sawyer asked irritated that Jack was seriously considering blaming himself, not yet understanding why Jack felt responsible.

"Yeah Sawyer when I know I'm responsible I do. I mistook an inexperienced kid with a crush for a fast, experienced woman that was begging to get fucked and that's exactly what I did to her. She probably feels like a rape victim and I've seen enough of those to realize they aren't FINE no matter many times they tell you otherwise." Jack snapped at him.

"For someone so smart, you sure do get yourself into some pretty stupid messes." Sawyer commented.

"Thanks Sawyer, I feel so much better, I'm glad we did this." Jack shot back sarcastically.

"What do you want from me, forgiveness? Hell, you don't need that from me, you need it from yourself. A rape victim? No way." Sawyer growled.

"So you know better huh? I guess you were there? You know how I did or didn't treat her." Jack argued.

"I've been around you enough to know you ain't capable of that. I've seen you at your best and at your worst and there's no way. One request for you to stop, hell one little teardrop and you would've backed away from that girl so quick, rape…..shit, it's laughable. Like I said Jack, for someone so smart you sure are stupid, the girl is no doubt screwed up over all of it and probably scared, but man, don't label yourself a rapist, that's just dumb." Sawyer rambled on and on obviously disgusted by where Jack was willing to take this particular episode of self-loathing.

"I haven't had a moment's peace since I got back from the island, some days I wish we were still there." Jack mumbled.

"Feeling sorry for yourself now?" Sawyer asked.

"No, not really, just being honest." Jack answered as the car began moving again.

Sawyer pulled the car into the ambulance bay outside the emergency room to let Jack out.

"Do me a favor Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"Go back to Hurley's and get Kate and Riley and take them home for me. You can take the car back to Hurley's with you. I'll come get it later." Jack said.

"You sure?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, I don't know how long I'll be here." Jack told him.

Sawyer agreed and drove away, leaving him outside the entrance to the hospital's ER. Jack entered the ER and asked around until the doctor who had called him finally appeared in the hallway.

"Dr. Shephard, I'm Dr. Preslar, we spoke on the phone." Dr. Preslar said and escorted Jack into one of the empty exam rooms in the ER and closed the door.

"How is she?" Jack asked.

"She's still unconscious. She's lost a lot of blood. We sent her to ICU. We're giving her blood, fluids and oxygen. I'm sure you know the drill." Dr. Preslar explained.

"What the hell happened?" Jack asked.

"She was at a coffee shop with some friends. One of the girls said she had an argument with her brother and that it had really upset her and a few minutes later she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she didn't come out, her friend had the manager unlock the door and they found her. They applied pressure to the cuts to stop the bleeding until the ambulance got there. Probably saved her life, that and the fact the she didn't cut deep enough on the right wrist.

"The baby?" Jack asked.

"The baby is holding his own. His heart rate was very low when she got here and there were some mild contractions, but so far we've managed to keep her from going into labor and I'm sure you know the drill with that too, the baby will do as well as the mother does." He said.

"It's a boy?" Jack asked.

"That's really not for me to say, you should discuss it with her." He advised.

"I'm the father, I think I have a right to know the sex of the baby." Jack snapped.

"Really, and when was the last time you were with her?" He asked.

"What?" Jack asked both irritated and confused by the question.

"Is she your girlfriend?" He asked.

"No, she's not. I've talked to her twice in the last month. What's with the sudden interest in my relationship or lack of one with her?" Jack asked.

"So the two of you don't spend any time together?" He asked.

"No, we don't. Okay? I was stranded on a goddamn island for five months, came back and found out I'm going to be a daddy. Anything else you'd like to know?" Jack snapped.

"I thought you looked familiar. I'm sorry about all the questions. You know how it is." He explained.

"No, I really don't, but whatever you feel is necessary, it's your hospital. Is the baby okay? Any damage you could detect?" Jack asked.

"We really have no way of knowing what affect this is going to have on him, you know that and yes it is a boy." He answered.

"Do you mind if I go check on her?" Jack asked.

"No, I don't mind. I'll tell the ICU nurses you're coming. ICU is on the 5th floor." He told him.

Jack wandered slowly up to the 5th floor. He wasn't sure why, he knew he couldn't do anything, but he couldn't stand the idea of her being all alone in an ICU ward and as far as he knew the brother she lived with was the only close relative. He walked into the ICU ward and looked at the 24 separate glass cubicles, most of which had a dying patient tucked away inside. He hated ICU wards, too much death, so much so he felt like he could smell it as soon as he stepped off the elevator. He walked to the desk and asked where Kasey was.

"You must be Dr. Shephard. She's in number 7 and here's her chart if you'd like to see how she's doing." The nurse answered and handed him the chart.

He looked at the chart. It read like a standard attempted suicide, but then he noticed the comments about the signs of physical abuse and his eyebrows raised, it suddenly becoming clear why the doctor in the ER was giving him the third degree. She had bruises on her abdomen, bruising no her arms and back and a black eye. He shook his head and handed the chart back to the nurse.

He walked into the small, glass enclosed room and looked at the different monitors. He stopped in front of the fetal monitor and watched it for a few minutes. The baby seemed to have a good strong heart rate and not a single contraction in the time he'd been standing there. He looked at the heart monitor hooked up to Kasey and her heart rate also appeared to be good and strong. She was on her second unit of blood, with orders already written to give her a third. She was breathing on her own and they were giving her oxygen. Other than the blood going into her arm and the IV fluids going into the other arm she looked pretty good for a person that had lost so much blood so quickly.

He pulled a chair up and sat beside her bed, watching the monitors and listening to sounds of the equipment in the room. He wasn't sure when he dosed off or how long he'd been asleep when he felt someone shaking him. He opened his eyes, startled a bit and sat up. He looked at his watch. It was after 11 PM. He looked up at the nurse that had shaken him awake.

"Dr. Shephard, she's waking up." The nurse told him.

He looked up and could see she was stirring, eyelids fluttering as her brain fought to regain consciousness. He stood at the side of the bed and took hold of her hand. Her hand was icy cold, reminding him of how close to death she had come.

"Kasey, its Jack, can you open your eyes and look at me." He said softly.

"I'm sorry Jack, I had to." She mumbled, eyes still closed.

"It's okay Kasey, open your eyes and talk to me." Jack coaxed.

Kasey slowly opened her eyes, weak and confused, looking around the room and then finally letting her eyes rest on Jack.

"Where am I?" Kasey whispered.

"You're in the hospital, you uh, do you remember anything Kasey?" Jack asked.

Kasey looked at him and then down at her stomach. She tried to move her left hand to touch the monitor strapped across her belly and winced against the pain in her wrist. She slowly lifted her right hand from Jack's and looked at the bandages and tears began streaming down her cheeks as she began to remember what she'd done and realized she hadn't been successful.

"No, I'm not supposed to be here. Why didn't they let me die?" She cried.

"You don't need to worry about that right now, we'll figure all that out as soon as you get stronger. Okay?" Jack said in his kindest tone, his eyes showing a look of genuine concern and sincerity.

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't want to kill him, but I just can't, it's too hard." Kasey cried.

"He's okay Kasey, you didn't kill him. You need to rest now, okay." Jack told her.

"Please Jack, I don't want to do this." Kasey pleaded, her eyes filled with sorrow, her left hand attempting to pull out the needle that was pumping blood into her right arm.

"Kasey don't do that. Whatever is going on, we can find a better solution than this." Jack said and pulled her hand away. He looked up at the nurse who had been watching and making notes in her chart.

"Should I get some restraints doctor?" The nurse asked.

"Yeah, you better." Jack reluctantly agreed.

"I want it out of me Jack. Why are you here? You don't even care." Kasey cried.

"Don't care about what?" Jack asked.

"About me, about this baby." Kasey continued to sob as the nurse carefully restrained her hands.

"Kasey, I don't understand. You said, I mean you seemed like you had it all worked out." Jack said.

"That was before, when I thought you were dead, when I thought I was going to go live with my mom, when my brother wasn't in a hurry to get rid of me." Kasey explained clearly agitated and fighting against the restraints.

"Did her doctor leave any direction as far as sedating her goes?" Jack asked.

"No, should I call him?" The nurse asked.

"Yes, tell him about the restraints and that she's becoming combative and that the contractions are starting again." Jack told her as he watched the fetal monitor.

"Contractions? I'm in labor?" Kasey asked, suddenly panicked.

"Kasey listen to me, you have to calm down. You're going to put yourself into a very early labor. I want you to forget about everything for now. Let's get you and the baby well and I will help you figure this out. I promise you won't go through the rest of this alone. I'm sorry for everything and I can't change any of it, but I can help you get through this." Jack told her, watching the fetal monitor and then watching the nurse inject a sedative into her IV.

Jack held her hand until she drifted off to sleep and finally tucked it safely under one of the blankets and walked out into the hallway to loosen up the stiffness that had set in while he'd been sleeping. He walked into the ICU waiting room and saw a young man sitting alone in a chair in the corner of the room. He recognized him from the building he lived in and cleared his throat to get his attention. The young man looked up at him with a somewhat anguished smirk, not what Jack expected.

"Well, well, if it isn't the man of the hour." The man sighed.

"You must be Kasey's brother." Jack said flatly.

"Yeah and you must be Jack. Aren't you a little old to be screwing around with someone my sister's age? Of course Kasey does seem to seek out father figures." His comments dripped with sarcasm, confusing Jack.

"Do you have a name?" Jack asked trying to keep his tone calm and professional.

"Kevin, my name is Kevin." He answered.

"Well Kevin, your sister was almost successful in ending her life tonight. Do you have any idea why she'd want to do that?" Jack asked.

"You mean besides the fact that you knocked her up and threw her away?" Kevin accused.

"Look man, I don't know what Kasey told you, but I didn't throw anyone away. I barely know her, but we did talk about the baby and the last time I talked to her she had everything all worked out. Do you have any idea what happened, why all of the sudden she's feeling helpless and abandoned?" Jack asked.

"You barely know her? How do you get somebody you barely know pregnant? Jesus man, aren't you some fancy doctor? Shouldn't someone like you know better?" Kevin continued to badger.

"It was a mistake Kevin. Even fancy doctors screw up once in awhile. What? You've never had a one-night stand Kevin? Never forgot to practice safe sex? You know what, none of that matters right now. The only thing that matters is getting your sister well and trying to understand why she did this." Jack snapped at him.

"Hell man, it'd be so easy to try pin this on you, but you seem like a nice guy. She did this because she's really screwed up man. I've been dealing with Kasey and her crap for the past five years and I've had enough of it. My fiancé and I would like to get on with our lives so I asked her, no I told her it was time for her to get out on her own. If she would get rid of that idiot boyfriend that smacks her around I might have more patience with her, but how do you help someone who isn't willing to help themselves, who seems to relish in being the victim all the time?" Kevin explained, the situation with his sister obviously a huge burden to him.

"So have you talked to your mother? Does she know about this?" Jack asked.

"My mother is in Europe Jack, she could care less about Kasey." Kevin explained.

"I thought she was supposed to go live with her in New York." Jack said.

"Please, my mother wants nothing to do with Kasey." Kevin snarled.

"What about your father?" Jack asked.

"He died when Kasey was 10. She's been my responsibility since. I can't do it anymore." Kevin admitted.

"I get that Kevin, but couldn't this have waited until after she had the baby?" Jack asked.

"Yeah it could've and I was going to wait, but she came home with that black eye and tried to defend that worthless bastard and I lost it, told her that as soon as she had the baby she had to go. I didn't toss my pregnant sister out onto the street if that's what you're thinking." Kevin defended himself.

"So, do you want to see her?" Jack asked.

"No. Listen Jack, I know my sister and I get the feeling she did this to get your attention, maybe guilt you into sticking around and raise the baby together. She's desperate, doesn't want to grow up and well, you'd definitely be the answer to all her problems." Kevin warned him.

"She cut her wrists to get my attention? That's beyond desperate Kevin, that's just crazy." Jack suggested, starting to feel a bit unsettled.

"Not crazy, diabolical." Kevin offered.

"Can I ask you a really personal question about your sister Kevin? It's kind of important because I'm not sure what to make of this situation any more." Jack said obviously shaken by the idea that Kasey wants a life with him, that she'd stoop to this level to get his attention.

Jack was starting to see the big picture, starting to grasp that he'd once again been duped by the wiles of a woman and the idea of what was happening with this particular woman was freaking him out a bit.

"Sure man, whatever I can do to help." Kevin answered.

"There is no tactful way to ask this so I'm just going to put it out there. Was she a virgin before the night she and I, uh am I really the only man she's ever been with?" Jack asked.

"Is that what she told you? No Jack, Kasey was anything but a virgin that night. She's very manipulative Jack, can go from shameless hussy to sweet Catholic school girl with a snap of her finger." Kevin explained.

"So, there's a chance that baby isn't even mine?" Jack asked.

"No, she wouldn't lie about that, it's too easy to disprove. If she says it's yours it is." Kevin told him.

Jack sat down in one of the chairs, stunned and angry. He'd been beating himself up for not being able to recognize what was never really there. He hadn't victimized some sweet, innocent girl, he'd read her correctly from the beginning. It didn't excuse his rough treatment of her, but it certainly put things in a different light.

"You'd think that a man my age would finally figure it out." Jack mumbled.

"Figure what out?" Kevin asked.

"That women are really just snakes disguised as soft, beautiful creatures. They're pythons that want nothing more than to wrap themselves around you and squeeze the fucking life out of you. They've got motives for everything they do and you'd think after a messy divorce and a handful of bad relationships I'd finally just give it up, take a vow of celibacy and commit my life to medicine, be content to spend the rest of it alone." Jack reasoned, upset and defeated, his kindness and willingness to accept people at face value slapping him in the face once again.

"Man I hope that's not true because I don't know about you, but I happen to enjoy women. Maybe you've just had a run of bad luck." Kevin offered.

"Yeah that's me, unlucky in love. I guess I better go home and get some sleep so I can come back and deal with this without killing her myself." Jack said.

"So I guess that means she's going to pull through?" Kevin asked.

"Looks like it." Jack mumbled.

"Then I guess I'll go home too. I love my sister Jack, but I don't like her very much. Take my advice and stay away from her." Kevin said.

"I'd love to but in case you haven't noticed there's a baby caught in the middle of this mess." Jack grumbled.

"Yeah, I know good luck with that." Kevin said.

Jack slowly made his way out of the hospital, his mood somber. He took a cab to Hurley's house, picked up his car and drove it home. He entered his home expecting that Kate and Riley would be asleep, but he found Kate sitting on the couch, waiting for him and apparently not pleased with the fact that he hadn't bothered to call. He let his body drop onto the sofa next to her and put a hand on her leg.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey." She returned the greeting.

"I'm sorry I didn't call, I didn't want to wake you up if you were sleeping." He apologized.

"Is she okay? Is the baby okay?" Kate asked.

"Both are okay for now. Can we talk about this in the morning Kate? I'm really not in the mood to play 20 questions." He told her, his tone condescending.

"Where the hell is that coming from Jack?" Kate snapped.

"What?" He asked, knowing what she meant, but too pissed off at the world to care.

"Why are you talking down to me?" Kate asked.

"I'm not. I'm just not in the mood to be around you or anyone else right now. Is it too much to ask for a little space? Just enough space to get my head together, figure out what the hell it is I'm doing?" Jack snapped.

"Why did you even bother to come home if you wanted to be alone to stew?" Kate asked.

"What do you want from me Kate? It's okay, no it's expected that I give you the time and space you need to decide if I'm what you want, if what I have to offer is good enough or exciting enough to keep you interested, but I can't have a few hours to try to collect my thoughts?" Jack asked his words harsh, dripping with anger and doubt.

"Do you want me to leave Jack?" Kate asked.

"Do what you want Kate, you all do eventually anyway." Jack said sadly, stood and walked away from her.

Kate sat on the couch, trying to decide whether to feel sorry for him or go after him and continue to press until he finally choked out whatever was eating at him. That he was taking it out on her was pissing her off. She could handle his moodiness, but not when he seemed to blaming her for something and she had no idea what she'd done. She stood and followed him into the bedroom. He was standing beside the bed taking his shirt off, standing beside his side, not Sarah's side. He was going to force her to sleep where he knew she didn't want to and that was the last straw. She grabbed him by the arm and when he swung around to confront her she pushed him onto the bed, following on top, straddling him, his shirt still hanging off of one arm.

"Kate, what the hell?" He complained and took hold of her arms, ready to physically move her off of him.

"Don't you dare you son-of-a-bitch!" Kate seethed.

"Kate, calm down." Jack insisted.

"Don't tell me to calm down! You might be bigger, stronger and even smarter but goddammit you are not going to bully me. Do you got that!" She told him her voice close to yelling.

"Lower your voice Kate, you're going to wake Riley. I'm not bullying you. I told you I just need some space." Jack said, no longer fighting against her, realizing he'd pushed all of her buttons and deserved whatever wrath she was about to unload on him.

"Space is fine Jack, but why the hell are you punishing me? I didn't do anything to you. Hell, I've been pretty damn understanding, if you ask me. I think I'm entering a relationship with you and find out I'm supposed to be all happy and giddy about mothering your children too and then you want to come home and treat me like I did something to you? Oh no buddy, that isn't going to cut it. You either spill it now or be prepared to sleep pinned underneath me all night." She scolded him, her anger and determination reminding him of why he fell in love with her.

His eyes were locked on hers, sad, angry and confused all at the same time. Kate could see how tormented he was at the moment and wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, but she wasn't going to give into it, she couldn't allow him to shut her out, no matter what was going on.

"She lied Kate." Jack said softly.

"Lied about what?" Kate asked.

"Lied about it being her first time, lied about her plans to move to New York, hell she was still lying tonight, acting all hopeless and scared when she knew all along she wasn't going any place, that her eyes were set on the pot of gold at the end of the fucking rainbow." Jack let loose, his anger and disgust with the situation coming through loud and clear.

"I don't understand Jack." Kate said.

"I don't either Kate. I don't understand why every woman that crosses my path has to lie to me, manipulate me, fuck with my head and my heart. It's insane, why can't anyone just be honest?" Jack asked.

"Oh so that's why I'm being punished? Because you think I'm manipulating you, that I'm going to dump all over you like Sarah did or trick you like Kasey apparently has? Is that fair Jack?" Kate asked.

"I don't know Kate, is it? You've shown me you are willing to manipulate me to get what you want and should I list all the lies?" Jack shot back.

"Jack, I haven't been dishonest with you once since we became a couple. I promised you I would be honest and I have kept up my end of the bargain. What do you want from me?" Kate asked.

"I want you to stop running from me. I want you to tell me this is what you want. I want you to look me in the eye and tell me it's okay if we keep having unprotected sex because it doesn't matter if you get pregnant because you're not going anywhere." Jack told her.

"Jack, why do you need to hear that today?" Kate asked.

"Why not today Kate? What's the big deal? Yeah you have trust issues and I understand why, but have I ever given you any reason to not trust me? You know how you feel about me right now and whatever that is, is what it is, and if it isn't strong enough for you to know whether or not this is what you want then maybe we just need to end it Kate. I know I said I could wait, but I changed my mind. I'm tired of waiting, tired of women playing games with me." Jack said and moved her off of him, the distant look in her eyes telling him all that he needed to know.

He stood, grabbed a pillow and a blanket and turned to leave the room.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"To sleep on the couch, you can have the bed. I have to get up early and go the hospital anyway. I'll take Riley to Jennifer's in the morning so you won't be bothered with that." Jack answered.

"Jack, please come back and talk to me." Kate pleaded.

"I'm done talking. Goodnight Kate." Jack said and left the room.

She thought about letting him go, about being hurt that he was ready to walk away from her, from them, if she couldn't commit to him and do that right now. Was he being unreasonable? Probably, but the trust issues he had where relationships were concerned were huge and he was currently reeling, full of doubt, needing something real, someone real, anything that would convince him that everything he believed in wasn't a sham. Apparently, the situation with Kasey was about to get nasty. If she lied to him about the other stuff she most likely wasn't going to be above using an innocent baby as a bargaining chip to get anything she could out of him or worse, use the baby as a tool to keep him miserable.

Kate let all the scenarios play through her head and wondered if Jack had thought that far ahead. Knowing him, he hadn't gotten past feeling betrayed and angry to consider what else Kasey was capable of, what harmful and manipulative things she would use to get to him. Kate could feel herself growing angry and protective as she thought about it and she laughed at herself. She walked out into the living room. Jack was stretched out on the couch, his back to the room. Kate sat down beside him and gently ran her fingers over his bare back. He sighed and turned over on his back.

"I'm so tired Kate and I don't want to fight with you. Please just leave me alone." He said sadly.

"I can't leave you alone Jack. I love you and you don't believe that anymore." Kate said.

"I didn't say that." He said, his words short, but softer than they were earlier.

"Yes you did, but it's okay. It shows me that you can feel as confused and fragile as I can. I could never hurt you Jack, not in that way and I don't need anymore time to decide what I want. I want you and any baggage that comes with you." She told him.

"Kate, you're only saying that because I forced you. I saw the look in your eyes when I put you on the spot. You weren't sure." He argued.

Kate reached up and turned the lamp on, making him squint and try to shield his eyes from the sudden intrusion of light.

"What do you see in my eyes now Jack? I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me you see anything but love, trust and commitment and if you ever quit acting like an ass, you'll probably catch some desire in there eventually." Kate told him, the last part making him smile, amused at how she never held back, had no problem putting him in his place when he deserved it.

"Everything is fucked up Kate and I have been acting like an ass, but I can't do it anymore. I need something special, something I can believe in and I thought you were it, but you don't seem to feel the same way and that's okay if you don't, I don't want you to pretend, god, please don't ever pretend." Jack explained.

"I am it Jack. Maybe I didn't realize it until tonight when you walked away from me and I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe anymore or maybe it was when I was thinking about that bitch and how badly I'd like to claw her eyes out on your behalf. It doesn't matter when I realized it, I just know that this is where I want to be, by your side, making sure Riley always feels loved, making sure the new baby always feels loved and that we keep it away from that crazy woman. Most of all Jack, I just want us to be together because that's where we belong." Kate told him and kissed him.

"Kate, did you just suggest we keep the baby?" He asked.

"Jack, how can you not, knowing what you know now? Do you want that nut to be involved in his or her's life in any way?" Kate answered.

"It's a him and I hadn't really thought that far ahead to be perfectly honest. Maybe she still wants to give it up for adoption. Maybe that part wasn't a lie." Jack offered.

"Yeah right Jack, like she's going to toss away the one link she has to you." Kate argued.

"Kate, are you sure about all of this because if you aren't you can walk away from me right now and we will always be friends, but if you stay, that's it, we're going forward, no looking back." Jack said.

Kate didn't answer. She brought her mouth down to his and they became lost in a passionate kiss, all the anger and doubt he was feeling earlier quickly replaced with desire and lust, the sexual energy could consume him when making up with her after a fight unlike anything he'd ever experienced with any woman. His body temperature quickly rose as she began moving her mouth down his chest and stomach, stopping at the top of his jeans long enough for her to unbutton and unzip them, reach in and retrieve what she was after, stroking him gently in her soft hands, hearing him exhale as he began stiffening in her hands. She nudged at the open waistband of his jeans, signaling for him to get them out of her way. He lifted himself up and pushed his jeans and boxers to his knees, then his ankles, finally kicking them off. Still only in a semi-aroused state, his member lay before her, making her lick her lips and reach for him, knowing her mouth devouring him like a lollipop would get him hard and throbbing the way she liked him

"Not yet, you've got too many clothes on." He said.

She stood and undressed for him, slowly and seductively, enjoying the smile on his face and the desire burning in his eyes. She put her thumbs on either side of the waistband of her panties, ready to pull them down and off for him. He reached out and stopped her.

"I get to do that." He said with a grin and pulled her toward him, motioning for her to turn around before climbing on top of him.

Kate smiled at him, understanding what he had in mind. She straddled him backwards her most sensitive area in his face and her mouth directly over her desired target. He pulled her back slightly, pulled the crotch of her panties back and ran his tongue over the exposed area making her moan and flood the area with increased wetness. He put both hands on her hips and buried his mouth in the crotch of her panties, biting lightly and rubbing her through the material, the excitement growing, having distracted her so much she was still, enjoying what he was doing to her, forgetting about the whole lollipop idea for the moment.

He put three fingers through the crotch of her panties and pulled hard, ripping the crotch out and giving him access to what he wanted. She found the act to be a turn-on and lowered herself onto his mouth, spreading herself just a little wider for him and then finally bringing her mouth down, taking him in as far as she could, her hot wet tongue swathing him, taking him deep inside her mouth, slowly bobbing up and down over him until he was hard and throbbing, the taste of him glistening on the tip. She moved her mouth down to his balls, and sucked gently making him groan against her, the vibration bringing her closer to orgasm. She continued to hold him her in hand, spreading his early juices over him with her fingertips while her mouth and tongue continued to work over his balls, the action making him harder and forcing him to stop and regain control a couple of times.

He grabbed her hips tighter and began moving her back and forth over his tongue, until she began moving on her own, pushing closer for more contact, eagerly humping his face having pulled herself away from what she was doing to him, focused and concentrated on finding sweet release before her body exploded. He felt her knees clenching tighter at his sides and knew she was almost there, smiling and lapping up her sweet juices as she came hard, trying not to be too loud, softly panting his name mixed in with some profanity.

She finally sat up and scooted toward his middle, her back still to him, she lifted herself, positioned him at her opening and slowly slid down, impaling herself on his throbbing, swollen shaft, feeling like she might run out of room to take him, but then adjusting, pushing him in deeper, making him release a deep, throaty groan and an "Oh Jesus" before she began moving up and down and then swiveling around, him able to watch it all, the sight of it nearly ending things too quickly. She found another climax, clenching tightly around him while he watched her back arch, her butt tighten as her hips thrust forward and grind into him.

He nudged her and watched as she slowly slid off of him, on her knees now and ready to turn around and face him.

"Stay there." He said softly.

He sat up and then went up on his knees behind her, carefully positioning himself before pushing himself into her from behind, deeper than he'd been earlier, the shock of how deep he'd gone making her gasp.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes, oh god yes, that feels so good." She answered.

He began pushing in and out of her, slowly at first, picking up the pace as his need to release became intense. Pounding into her so hard he had to hold onto her waist to keep from pushing her forward. He finally pulled out and asked her to lie down on her back. She did as asked and watched as he carefully positioned one leg up over the back of the couch and the other one dangling off the side of the couch. He watched her for a moment, his fingers moving up and down her slippery crease, pushing a couple of them inside her, seeing her face scrunch up, enjoying what he was doing to her, wishing he could sit and play with her and watch her face all night long, but needing relief. He pushed himself into her in one quick move, holding the leg that was dangling over the edge up and back, pushing himself into her hard and deep over and over, feeling her climax building and then watching her face as she came again and then finally making one final thrust and allowing his orgasm to take over, jerking slightly as his release let go in it's typical intervals, wishing she could know what it feels like to be buried inside the woman you love, filling her up with your seed.

He stayed inside of her while his breathing settled and then raised his head, kissing her and fondling her breasts, not wanting to separate, wanting to recharge and do it again, not sure if he could recharge as quickly as he could when he was in his 20s, but determined to try, not wanting to stop making love to her. He stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes. She smiled at him.

"I love you so much Kate." He said, his voice hungry his eyes sincere.

"I love you to Jack, more than words can say." Kate said and kissed him, trying to draw his face back down to hers, not wanting him to stop anymore than he wanted to.

"No, I mean I really love you Kate as in forever, can't live without you, will you please marry me." Jack continued on, shocked that the last part came spilling out of his mouth of its own free will.

He'd been betrayed by his own mouth and she giggled at his facial expression, finding some of the looks he could give her to be as sweet, adorable and irresistible as a furry little brown-eyed puppy.

"Oops, I get the feeling you didn't mean for that last part to come out." She said, smiling at him and running her fingers behind his ear and down his jaw line.

"Kind of a lame way to propose to a woman, sorry it just kind of slipped out, wasn't thinking." He apologized.

"I thought it was very sweet, very honest, obviously unrehearsed and I'm going to go ahead and say yes now because that's just the way I want to remember it." She told him.

"Seriously? Kate, it's supposed to be done the romantic way with a ring and nervous guy on bended knee." Jack protested.

"Jack, what is more romantic then having the man you love blurt that out while he's still inside of you trying to find the stamina to make love to you again?" Kate argued.

"But won't it make telling people how I proposed to you a bit awkward?" He teased making her laugh.

She brought her mouth to his ear and began whispering naughty things to him taking the time to nibble on his ear lobe and neck and then continue on, feeling him responding to her, growing harder with each suggestion.

"Mmm, feels like somebody found his stamina." She teased.

"I hope you weren't planning on sleeping tonight because I feel like I could do this for hours." He said softly and began kissing her again as he started making love to her again.

He was happy and content for now, ready to tackle whatever tomorrow was going to bring as long as he knew he had Kate in his corner. She was the only person in his life that had ever allowed him to be fallible, demanded it in fact. She'd allowed him to be the weak one tonight, to behave like an ass, to feel threatened by the uncertainty of their future and wanted to provide him with the same sense of security he always provided for her. Perhaps forcing her to make a choice was the best thing for both of them. He had no idea what he was going to do when the sun came up, but wasn't going to let the loomng insanity spoil the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

Kate awoke the next morning to her neck being nuzzled and the smell of men's cologne. She opened her eyes to find Jack, shaved, showered and dressed in slacks and a dress shirt, smiling at her.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"I've got to go the hospital and check on a couple of patients and I thought I'd go by and try to talk to Kasey." Jack answered.

"I want to go with you." Kate insisted.

"Kate, I don't think that's a good idea." Jack said trying to keep his voice calm and neutral, not wanting to start another fight with her.

"You aren't going to deal with this situation alone anymore Jack and if you try to fight me on this you're going to lose." Kate told him, making him chuckle lightly.

"Okay, but you can't go in there ready to pick a fight with her. I want to find out what her real intentions are with the baby." Jack said.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Because Kate I think that if she is willing to put the baby up for adoption it is the best thing for him. I can set up a private adoption through an attorney, make sure he's going to a good home, to parents that want him more than anything else in life. With all that's happened, all the bad feelings, the potential for a lifetime of bad situations involving Kasey, I think it would be in his best interest to start him out in the world in a more positive situation." Jack explained his eyes showing that it was difficult for him to talk about.

"What if she isn't willing to do it Jack?" Kate asked.

"Then I guess I will get an attorney and do everything I can to make sure she never gets near him, but it's hard to strip a mother of her custodial rights." Jack said sadly.

"I'm sorry Jack, I can't imagine how difficult all of this has been for you. I still want to go though and whatever you decide to do, I've got your back." Kate told him, making him smile.

"Okay then, as much as I would love to crawl in there with you, I can't. I've got a kid minus one spleen and fresh titanium pins in his arm and a 35 year old shooting victim that need my attention. I took Riley to Jennifer's." He said.

"Why'd you do that?" She asked.

"So you could get your lazy butt up and be ready for me to take to lunch in a couple of hours and then we'll go buy that new bed, go see Kasey, come home and wait for the bed to be delivered, maybe take Riley to that pizza place with singing animals for dinner and if I'm really lucky the day will end with you and me breaking in that new bed." Jack told her with an ornery grin and kissed her on the mouth, a wet sensual kiss that typically meant he wanted more than just a kiss, but then he pulled back and took a deep breath.

Kate took his hand and placed it on her naked breast, pulling him back down for another kiss and then letting him pull back again.

"Are you sure you have to go right this minute?" She asked in a suggestive tone.

"Kate." He resisted.

"Come on Jack, we'll make it quick and think how much more relaxed you'll be." She teased making him laugh.

"After last night I'm plenty relaxed Kate and I can't make it quick, not with you, so I'm going to have to force myself to pull away or my patients aren't going to see their doctor today and that's just bad for business." He said and smiled at her before kissing her one more time.

"Okay, I guess you'll just have to pull double-duty tonight." She said with a smile.

"Lucky me." He laughed.

Kate watched him walk away, looking professional and sexy, wondering how his female patients didn't immediately feel a hundred percent better just by looking at him. She crawled out of bed and took a shower. Jack returned as promised just in time to take her to lunch. After lunch they shopped for a new bed, but ended up just buying a new mattress and new bedding at a local mall. They walked through the mall, hand in hand, window shopping. He noticed her eyeing a dress that was in the window of one of the stores.

"You want it?" He asked.

"Now, what would I need with a dress like that?" She laughed.

"I need you in a dress like that Kate." He whispered in her ear, his voice making her quiver slightly, not going unnoticed by Jack, a smile of satisfaction trying to etch its way onto his face.

"Let's go try one on." She said and pulled him into the store with her.

She found the dress and headed back to the changing rooms.

"Stay right here and I'll call you when I'm ready." She told him.

He obediently stood just outside the entrance to the changing rooms, the girls on the other side of the store behind the counter watching him, whispering and then giggling. There were only two other customers in the store and he guessed he was the most interesting to them, which he also decided was somewhat pathetic. Having had enough of the giggling and whispering he rolled his eyes and entered the changing area.

"Kate." He called out, barely above a whisper.

"In here." She called back and popped the door open for him.

He walked all the way down to the last changing room in the area and entered.

"You couldn't find a room just a little bit further away?" He asked sarcastically as he closed the door behind him.

"I like my privacy." She said.

He looked up and she had the skin tight, strapless black dress on, her hair resting beautifully on her bare shoulders, the dress clinging to every curve on her body, stopping just above the knees.

"Wow." Was all he could manage.

"That's it?" Kate asked.

"That's enough. You have to have that dress." He insisted.

Kate looked at the price tag and shuddered.

"Not for that price. I'd never wear it." She objected.

"You could put it on for me every day if you wanted." He said sweetly.

"Jack, close your mouth." Kate laughed.

"Sorry, but look at yourself." He said as he took hold of her shoulders and turned her around to face the mirror, standing right behind her, his body pressed up against hers, his arms wrapped around her waist.

"It does make me feel kind of sexy." Kate admitted.

"Makes me feel kind of sexy too." Jack teased, drawing a slap on the arm from her.

"You're biased I think." Kate laughed.

"No, I don't think so and there's this thing, this hospital thing coming up in about a month and I can't wait to walk into it with you on my arm wearing this dress." He said as he brought his mouth down and began kissing her neck.

"A hospital thing?" She asked and turned to face him.

"Yeah, you know, fancy dinner in some big fancy banquet room, lots of boring speeches, a few awards, promotions, typical yearly doctor's thing." He explained.

"Will you be making a speech Dr. Shephard?" Kate asked in a teasing fashion.

"Probably, something about my dad, they're honoring him and his accomplishments." Jack said.

"Then I guess I'll have to be there since I've not missed one of your speeches in all the time I've known you." Kate said in a soft, sexy tone.

"I think a strand of pearls would look perfect with this." He said as he traced his fingers lightly over the area where the pearls would hang and then allowed one finger to glide down to the cleavage that was displayed perfectly at the top of her dress.

"What would you say if I told you I have nothing on under this dress?" She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling their bodies together, their faces less than an inch apart.

"I wouldn't say anything. I'd just do this." He answered as he started pulling the zipper down slowly, his breath hot on her neck as he tilted his head to peek over her shoulder to make sure he didn't catch any part of her in the zipper.

"When you asked me if I wanted it, I thought you were talking about the dress. Do you do this sort of thing often Jack?" Kate asked making him smile at her.

"No, this would be a first for me, want me to stop?" He asked, his eyes begging her to say no.

She brought her mouth to his and cupped her hand over his crotch, gently squeezing and moaning at how stiff he was, assuming he'd been in a state of arousal since earlier that day, messing around with him on the mattresses at the furniture store probably not helping his uncomfortable state.

He pushed her back enough to allow him to grip the bottom hem of the dress and gently pull it up and over her head, standing back and enjoying the view for a moment before pulling her back into him, kissing her hard, his tongue forcing itself into her mouth while his hand glided over her back and down to her bottom, gently caressing her, making her flesh tingle. His hand continued to travel south, nudging her thighs apart, making her gasp into his mouth when he inserted one finger, then two from behind, slowly moving them in and out, prepping her for what she was trying to set free, her hands fumbling awkwardly with his belt buckle and then finally unbuttoning and unzipping his slacks, allowing them to fall to the floor around his ankles.

She pulled away from his mouth and put some space between them so she could unbutton his shirt. He moved his hand around to her front and reinserted his fingers, making her stumble forward a bit, catching herself by putting her hands on his chest. She spread her legs a little further apart and continued to work on his shirt while he continued to slowly move his fingers in and out of her, his thumb carefully rubbing her most sensitive area, short quivers followed by increased moisture telling him she was about to come all over his hand, just as soon as she allowed herself to focus less on his shirt and more on what he was doing to her.

He pulled his hand away from her and finished removing his shirt, stepped out of his dress pants and boxers and placed all of the clothes in a neat pile in the corner of the changing room. She wrapped her hand around him, stroking him slowly up and down, and he pushed his fingers back inside of her, pulling her closer, kissing her mouth, kissing her neck, kissing her breasts, taking a nipple into his mouth and sucking hard while his hand moved up and down, her whimpers telling him she was ready to pop any second. He moved his mouth back up and kissed her, his movements finally sending her over the edge as she quivered and trembled and tightened her thighs around his hand, moaning and panting into his mouth, trying not to be noisy.

He pulled his hand away, placed both hands around her and under her butt, lifted her off the floor and pushed himself inside her, hard, fast, quick, adding two extra pushes to make sure he was in as deep as he could go. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist and held on as he held her up against the wall in the changing room and began moving in and out of her, slowly, enjoying each thrust as if it were going to be his last. Kate opened her eyes to find the mirror on the opposite wall portraying their love-making for her, the muscles in his back, his butt and his legs taught as he pushed himself into her. It was incredibly erotic to watch and every thrust felt so good, bringing her closer and closer to another mind blowing orgasm, making her wish she could loudly encourage him to go harder and faster, finally burying her face in his neck and begging him softly to make her come. He increased his thrusts, bringing her over the edge again and joining her, both of their bodies jerking against the sensation. When they both stilled he lifted her off of him and gently set her feet down on the floor.

They exited the changing room, neither sure how long they'd been in there. Their faces were flushed and slightly aglow and the smell of sex was all around them. They'd be busted in the sense that the sales clerks would know what had been going on, whether or not they would say anything remained to be seen. Kate looked at the two women behind the counter, their faces and their giggling telling her they knew, but she didn't care and dared them to say anything to her. They approached the counter and lay the dress down. An older woman came behind the counter and sent the two younger, smiling clerks away. She rang up the dress and Jack swiped his credit card through the keypad, being eyed with reproach the entire time. The woman handed him the sales receipt to sign. He signed it and she handed him his copy of the receipt.

"We would appreciate it if you didn't come back. We don't approve of that sort of behavior." The woman told him.

"What behavior?" Jack asked sounding both confused and insulted at the same time.

"I know what you were doing in there." She scolded him under her breath.

"You were watching?" Jack asked her, egging her on.

"No, of course not!" She snapped at him.

"Ah, so you don't know, you are assuming, and based on that assumption you are going to run off a customer that just spent $275.00 on a dress?" Jack asked his face stoic.

"I do apologize sir if I've offended you, but you were both in there so long and well, you do kind of look different than when you went in there, but please accept my apology and come back and shop with us again." The woman said, embarrassed, turning away from them and going back to where ever it was she came from.

They exited the store and Kate started laughing.

"Jack, that was so mean, she had every right to toss us out of her store." Kate argued.

"No she didn't. We didn't hurt anything or anyone, uptight prude. Besides if I accepted the punishment I'd be admitting guilt and a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell." Jack reasoned with a wink, putting his arm around her and escorting her out of the mall.

Their next stop would be the hospital Kasey was at, both hating that what had so far been a fun, carefree day was about to turn into something ugly. They entered the through the emergency room, Jack hoping to find the doctor he'd spoken with the night before. After asking around he was told to sit in the waiting room while the doctor finished with his patient. After 20 minutes Dr. Preslar entered the waiting room and escorted Jack and Kate into an empty room.

"Have you seen her today? How is she?" Jack asked.

"I checked on her when I came on shift about an hour ago. She's sore, cranky and has apparently been asking about you most of the day." Dr. Preslar told him.

"Are you planning on having a psyche evaluation done on her?" Jack asked.

"That is the protocol for attempted suicides and she's not happy about it, but I told her she can't be released until it's been done." He answered.

Jack noticed the way the doctor kept looking at him and then at Kate and then back to Jack. It was a look of puzzlement with a hint of disapproval.

"What?" Jack finally asked.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just confused. Is this….?" Dr. Preslar started to ask, but was cut off by Jack.

"I'm sorry, I should've introduced her. Dr. Preslar this Kate, Kate, Dr. Preslar." Jack said.

He shook Kate's hand and smiled at her, still looking confused.

"So is this your girlfriend, fiancé, uh is it okay to talk freely about this?" Dr. Preslar asked.

"It's okay, she knows all about Kasey and the baby." Jack told him, becoming irritated with the vibes he was getting from this man.

The doctor continued to look baffled and at a loss for words.

"For god's sake would you just please tell me what it is you want to know?" Jack snapped.

"I'm sorry, this is none of my business, but after speaking with Kasey earlier I got the impression that you and she were going to try to work things out, make a home for the baby." Dr. Preslar told him, feeling awkward and embarrassed.

"Right, which is pretty much why I asked if you were going to have the psyche eval done on her. I told you last night, she's not my girlfriend, there's nothing to work out, it was a one night stand that has come back to haunt me." Jack explained.

"Interesting." Dr. Preslar said.

"Have you spoken to her brother?" Jack asked.

"No, I haven't seen any family. Why?" Dr. Preslar asked.

"He seems to think Kasey did this to herself to get my attention, to guilt me into making happily ever after with her. It's kind of freaking me out to be perfectly honest. I'm not sure what to do. I mean is she really crazy? Am I dealing with some fatal attraction here or is she just a typical female button pusher, pretty girl used to getting her way, especially with men.

"I'll be sure to pass that information on to the staff psychologist. She's supposed to evaluate Kasey tomorrow afternoon. I really don't know what to tell you Dr. Shephard. I think based on everything you've said and the things she's done we can both see she exhibits sociopathic behavior, but whether or not she is a clear cut case of antisocial personality disorder would be up to the doctors with the psych degrees to decide." He said.

"What do you think? What does your gut tell you?" Jack asked.

"I haven't spent enough time with her to have a gut feeling. What does your gut tell you?" Dr. Preslar asked.

"My gut is telling me to get that baby as far away from her as possible, but how can I do that if she's mentally ill?" Jack asked.

"What did you have in mind?" Dr. Preslar asked.

"Adoption……I think. I don't know, every time I'm convinced it's the right thing to do for the child I find myself wavering on the issue. I'm concerned about a child being caught in the middle of a situation like this. He'll become the rope in a sick game of tug-of-war." Jack said running his hand over his short hair in frustration.

"I think we all want perfect situations for our children, but I think we all also know how unrealistic that is. You should probably focus on what is right for you and once you make that decision you do whatever you have to in order follow through with your choice. As for Kasey, well she was going through a list of names for little boys when I was up there so it might not matter what your choice is." He told him.

Jack and Kate walked out of the emergency room and toward the elevators. They stepped inside the elevator and leaned against the back wall while it climbed to the 7th floor. They stepped off the elevator and Jack suddenly stopped in the hallway.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, I just don't know what I'm doing Kate. This is insane." He stressed and leaned against the wall in the hallway.

Kate grabbed onto his arms, holding onto his biceps, forcing him to look at her.

"Jack, you have to decide right now what you want to do, no more waffling back and forth." Kate instructed.

"How can I when I don't know what she wants?" Jack asked.

"It doesn't matter what Kasey wants Jack, we'll deal with Kasey when the time comes. What do you want? Do you want to give your baby away? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that you could do that a not spend the rest of your life beating yourself up over it?" Kate asked, never breaking eye contact with him, knowing his answer before he ever had a chance to say it out loud.

She let go of his arms and hugged him.

"It's okay Jack." She told him.

"No it's not Kate, what the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I feel anything for this baby?" Jack asked.

"I don't know Jack, but you can't feel what you don't and I'll never understand why people beat themselves up over stuff like that, but the last thing you want to do is transfer those kinds of feelings or lack of feelings onto an innocent child." Kate offered.

"What am I going to do if I can't get her to agree to let him go Kate?" He asked.

"I don't know Jack, but you can't keep doing this. You've made a decision and now it's time to do whatever you can to go forward with it." Kate said.

"Should I even go in there? I mean, what if she's really off her nut?" Jack asked.

"Let's go Jack, I'm dying to meet this woman and I mean meet her, not share an elevator with her. I suspect not only your medical training, but your intuition would've told you whether or not she was truly mentally unstable. I'm guessing that she's just really good at manipulating people, but baby she's finally met her match and there's no way she's going to put you through all this bullshit and get away with it." Kate told him making him laugh.

"My protector." He chuckled.

"Damn straight, now let's go." Kate ordered.

"Okay, but Kate, promise me you'll behave. Please." Jack pleaded with her.

"I can only promise I'm going in there with every intention of behaving. It's the best I can do." She told him.


	21. Chapter 21

Jack and Kate walked toward Kasey's room slowly. The door was closed so Jack knocked lightly and pushed it open enough to look inside. Kasey saw him and greeted him with a big smile. Her smile faded however, when she saw Kate enter the room with him, his hand clutching hers tightly.

"How are you feeling Kasey?" Jack asked.

"Kind of irritated actually, I mean I did cut my wrists, which I agree was a stupid thing to do, but I'm not crazy and I don't understand why I have to stay and talk to some shrink." Kasey complained.

"It's kind of a standard rule Kasey. Doctors don't like to send patients back out into the world to harm themselves if they can prevent it." Jack offered his tone clinical.

"So are you going to introduce me to your friend Jack?" Kasey asked.

Jack could feel Kate's grip on his hand tighten and knew she was ticking. He squeezed back, his signal for her to chill out, which was returned by a cold hard stare that would've frightened him if he didn't know it was meant for Kasey and not him. He fought the urge to smile and cleared his throat.

"Kasey this Kate, she's my uh, is it okay to tell people?" He asked Kate.

"Tell people what? That you proposed to me? Sure baby, shout if from the rooftops if you want to." Kate laid it on thick, wrapping her arm around his waist and snuggling up to him and rubbing her hand over his chest.

He looked down at her, not sure whether to laugh at this sexy, clingy, obnoxious to show off her boyfriend version of Kate or whether to find it cruel. He decided he kind of liked having someone in his corner and let her carry on with her charade.

"You're engaged Jack?" Kasey asked, looking hurt.

"Yeah Kasey I am. Does that really matter to you? I mean there's nothing between us right?" Jack asked, his tone no longer clinical, just flat and unfeeling.

"But you said you were going to make sure I didn't go through the rest of this alone." Kasey argued.

"Yes I did and I meant I'd be your friend, make sure you had what you needed, make sure you had a roof over your head, make sure we get the proper legal representation to take care of putting him up for adoption." Jack explained.

"You don't want him?" Kasey asked.

"Kasey, it isn't about what I want, it's about what is best for the baby." Jack told her.

"But what if I decide I want to keep him?" Kasey asked.

"Then I guess I'll have to get an attorney and sue for custody or set up a lifetime of support payments that would be made through the courts. Either way Kasey, you and me doing anything together is never going to happen. I'm not going to come over and play daddy on the weekends if you decide to keep him and I can't win sole custody of him." Jack said coldly a hint of anger in his voice.

"But, I thought you wanted to try to make up for the way you treated me." Kasey said producing some tears for him.

"Just stop it Kasey. I know all about you and I know that wasn't your first time. Why would you lie about something like that?" Jack asked.

"I just wanted you to like me Jack. You're the kindest, sweetest man I've ever met." Kasey said her tone defeated, her pouting and sadness starting to get to Jack.

He started to speak and his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and sighed.

"I've got to take this, excuse me." Jack said and left the room.

Kate walked over and stood beside Kasey's bed, eyeing her up and down and then smiling a fake, concerned smile. Kasey rolled her eyes at her.

"Give me a break Kate, you could care less about me. So, if you really managed to snag the good doctor where's the ring?" Kasey asked her tone dripping with sarcasm.

"That's kind of personal Kasey. I probably shouldn't share it with you." Kate offered.

"Yeah right, you aren't engaged, he's just saying that so I'll leave him alone." Kasey accused.

"No actually, he was making love to me when he proposed and his hands were too busy to be bothered with a ring." Kate teased her.

"I've had sex with Jack. No big deal." Kasey bit back.

"Exactly sweetie, you've had sex with him, but you've never had him make love to you, sweet and tender, his kisses so hot and passionate you can feel the electricity down to your toes and you better believe it's a big deal. Trust me, once you've had Jack, you'll never go back, but you've never had Jack, not the real Jack so why not end this little charade and get on with your life." Kate suggested.

"Is it true you're a fugitive, that you murdered your father in cold blood?" Kasey asked her tone bitchy and cold.

"That's a mystery now isn't Kasey, but I have to ask you something sweetie." Kate said as she drew closer to the bed and tucked the blankets around Kasey's waist.

"What's that dear?" Kasey asked sarcastically.

"If I'm really capable of murder do you really want to keep fucking with the man I love?" Kate whispered in her ear.

"Did you just threaten me?" Kasey asked.

"Guess you can figure that one out. What do you want from him Kasey?" Kate asked.

"What do you want from him Kate?" Kasey turned the question back.

"I don't want anything from him Kasey." Kate shot back.

"Oh sure you don't. White trash girl from the Midwest is lucky enough to get stranded on the same island with hot, wealthy, single doctor." Kasey badgered.

"No Kasey, I was the lucky one. Kate was the only thing that kept me from going crazy through that ordeal, but that's not what we're here to discuss. What do you expect from me Kasey? I don't understand what it is exactly you're after. Is it money?" Jack added from the doorway.

"I just want you to acknowledge our son, to not write us off." Kasey said.

"Please don't refer to him as our son, like he's something we both wanted that was created during a tender loving moment because we both know it wasn't like that. God, would you just stop it!" Jack insisted.

"How can you be so cruel? Why can't you find some way to fit us into your life?" Kasey turned on the tears.

That's not going to happen Kasey and you need to accept that and then you need to do what is best for that baby. Why in the hell weren't you honest with me the night you came to my door? Why tell me all this bullshit about adoption and moving to New York with your mother? What exactly is the game we're playing Kasey because I need to make sure I understand the rules." Jack lectured his voice rising, the anger and betrayal he was feeling starting to surface.

"Why don't you like me Jack?" Kasey asked her eyes filled with tears.

Kate could tell the tears and the pleas were getting to him, it's who he was, he was a kind, gentle person who didn't like hurting anyone and Kasey was pushing all the right buttons.

"She's good Jack, knows exactly how to get to you." Kate reminded him.

"Kasey, I don't even know you, but what little bit you've shown me, how am I supposed to like that? All you've done is lie to me and manipulate me. Why can't you just be honest?" Jack asked.

"People don't want honest Jack. What? I was supposed to just walk up to you and introduce myself and say that I really found you attractive and would like to get to know you?" Kasey asked.

"Well, that would've been better than trying to seduce me every time we were alone." Jack told her.

"You didn't seem to mind." Kasey argued.

"Didn't seem to mind? I was being polite Kasey, trust me, peeling you off of me once a week wasn't my idea of a good time. You can't just force men to want to be with you." Jack offered.

"Why not? I eventually cracked even you Jack." Kasey said hatefully.

"No, no you didn't. I was already broken by the time you got to me." Jack argued.

"So that's it? You're offering nothing but financial support?" Kasey asked.

"That's it Kasey." Jack said.

"I don't believe you Jack. I think once you see him, you'll want to be part of his life. I don't think you've got it in you to turn your back on your own son." Kasey dared.

"I guess we'll find out then. Your brother says you can stay with him until the baby is born. Call me when that happens and I'll make sure you're given a fair amount in child support." Jack said fed up with her.

"What if I don't think it's a fair amount?" Kasey asked.

"Then I guess you can hire an attorney and try to get more. Do what you want Kasey, I'm done with this." Jack said as he took Kate's hand and turned to walk away.

"What do you think of the name Christian?" Kasey asked stopping Jack in his tracks.

He quickly descended upon the bed and bent over Kasey, the index finger of his right hand in her face.

"You listen to me you little bitch, I am not playing this game with you and you do NOT want to fuck with me Kasey. I will win. Do you got that!" Jack seethed as Kate pulled him away from her.

"Jack, come on, save this for another time." Kate insisted as she tugged on him.

Kasey just smiled at him, happy that she'd finally found the right button to push. He wanted to slap, no punch her in the face, but finally gave into Kate and backed away. They walked out into the hall together, him running his hands over his cropped hair in frustration.

"And you were worried that I wasn't going to behave?" Kate teased.

"This is funny? Which part? The part where she wants me to raise a baby with her or the part where she wants to name it after my father!" Jack yelled.

"Hey! Knock it off! This is exactly what she wants from you Jack so don't give in to it and don't yell at me, I didn't do anything to you." Kate warned him.

"I really screwed up this time and I don't know how to fix it." Jack stressed.

"I don't know either Jack, but I do know it can't be fixed today. You're going to have to ride this one out and take it as it comes and you'll know what to do. You're a smart man you'll find a workable solution to this problem." Kate tried to assure him, settle him down, not allow him to fall into a self-loathing mode over the fate of an unborn child.

"This is sick Kate. She isn't crazy, she's a manipulative little bitch. How am I supposed to live with knowing some innocent child is going to be used as a pawn in this bizarre chess game she's playing with me?" Jack asked already starting to blame himself for what hadn't yet happened.

"That's a lot of emotion from a man who was beating himself up earlier for not being able to feel anything for his unborn child." Kate suggested.

"Just because I don't want to raise him, doesn't mean I don't care what happens to him." Jack snapped at her.

"You want to snap at me every time I try to offer some advice or comfort that's your choice Jack, but hell will freeze over before I'll just stand here and take it. Get over yourself! Everybody screws up, nobody is perfect! The difference between you and the loser who deserves the self-loathing you love to inflict on yourself is that you actually care when you screw up, you care about people and you do the best that you can to mend your mistakes so just stop it! You can't save the world Jack!" Kate yelled and walked away from him.

Jack watched her walk away, momentarily stunned by being put in his place by her……again. He snapped out of it and went after her, walking fast, almost jogging to catch her before she got on the elevator. Realizing he wasn't going to make it, he stopped and called out to her.

"Kate, please don't walk away from me." He pleaded his tone desperate and sad.

She let the doors close and turn around to face him. He approached her slowly, stopped in front of her and took hold of her hands.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I don't want to save the world Kate, I just want to do whatever I can to make my little corner of it better and so far, I've pretty much fucked that up." Jack admitted.

"I guess it probably seems that way to you Jack and I understand how difficult this must be for you, just try to remember that I'm on your side. Okay?" Kate said.

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her and kissed her.

"Okay." He said and smiled at her.

"So are we done here?" Kate asked.

"Yes, and unfortunately I have to go to work, that's what the phone call was." Jack answered.

"That's okay, I can go back to condo and wait on the new mattresses and hang out with Riley." Kate said and kissed him.

"You sure because Jennifer can keep her if you'd rather have some quiet time." Jack offered.

"No Jack, I think Riley has spent enough time with Jennifer and besides I happen to enjoy her, she's an amazing little kid." Kate said making him smile.

"She is pretty amazing and I really wanted to spend some time with her today." Jack said.

"You'll see her when you get home or are you planning on working all night?" Kate asked.

"I don't know how long I'll be. The kid with the titanium pins in his arm isn't doing as well as I'd like. Fever is high, the arm is infected. They called to let me know he's not responding to the antibiotics I prescribed this morning. I need to get down there and see what's going on, run some tests, see if there is anything more we can do to save his arm." Jack explained.

"I'm sorry Jack, I hope it works out." Kate told him as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Yeah, there's nothing like telling an 11 year old kid you're going to have to cut his arm off." Jack sighed heavily.

Jack drove Kate home and walked her to Jennifer's condo, introduced them and left. Kate spent about an hour talking with Jennifer waiting for Riley to wake up from her nap. She was a nice woman in her early 40s who had lost her husband very suddenly and was doing her best to raise her three children. That Jack had been so helpful to her since the loss of her husband didn't surprise Kate, it was typical Jack.

Kate finally gathered Riley and her things and they made the short walk to Jack's condo. Riley asked for her daddy pretty much non-stop from the moment she woke up from her nap, but Kate managed to keep her happy by telling her he was at work and would be home later. Kate played with her, read to her and watched a cartoon with her. She fed her some dinner and gave her a bath. They were sitting in the living room floor playing with some blocks when the phone rang. Kate picked up the phone and saw that it was Jack and held the phone up to Riley.

"Look Riley, daddy is calling to talk to you." Kate said as she answered the phone.

"Hey." Jack said.

"Hey, somebody wants to talk to you. Do you have time?" Kate asked.

"Yeah sure." Jack answered softly.

Kate put the phone up to Riley's ear.

"Say hi to Daddy." Kate coaxed.

"Daddy hi." Riley said into the phone and even though she couldn't see it, Jack grinned from ear to ear, the first time he'd had a reason to smile in hours.

"Hi baby, are you being a good girl?" Jack asked in his kindest voice.

"I good. Daddy home!" Riley demanded.

"Daddy wants to come home. Soon, okay." Jack said.

"Bye daddy." Riley said at Kate's coaxing knowing Jack was probably too busy to try to carry on for too long with her.

"Bye sweetie." Jack said and waited for Kate to return.

"How's it going?" Kate asked.

"Not so great. I'm waiting to talk to his parents and I need to leave some instructions in case he slips during the night. I should be home in about an hour. Should I bring some dinner?" He asked.

"I'm fine and Riley ate." Kate said.

"Did the mattresses come?" Jack asked.

"Yeah and they hauled the old ones off. We're fine Jack, so just come home as soon as you can." Kate said.

"Okay, and thanks Kate." Jack said.

"For what?" Kate asked.

"For being you, you're pretty amazing too you know and I probably haven't told you that enough." He said his voice tired, but calm.

"You're sweet Jack, maybe you just bring out my better qualities." She said.

"I don't know about that, but I do love you and I appreciate you so the next time I act like an ass will you remember that?" He asked.

"I never forgot Jack and since that little outburst today could technically qualify as a fight, we've got some making up to do so hurry home." Kate told him making him laugh lightly.

"I guess I better hang up and get busy with this doctor stuff so I can get home then." Jack agreed before saying a final goodbye and ending the conversation.

Kate tossed the phone onto the coffee table and directed her attention back to Riley who was snuggled up with her blanket and puppy, eyes drooping, trying to fall asleep. Kate thought about trying to keep her up until Jack got home so he could see her, but it was late for her so she picked her up and lay on the couch with her. Both were asleep within minutes.

Jack came through the door about an hour and a half after he'd finished talking to Kate. He closed the door, locked it and looked around the quiet room. He walked into the living room where Kate and Riley were sleeping soundly on the couch and smiled. He stood beside the couch and looked down at them. Riley was curled up next to Kate, her head resting on her bosom and Kate lay on her back with a protective arm around the small child. Both looked small, sweet and peaceful and served as a perfect reminder of all that was good in his life. He pulled his phone out and took a picture of them, realizing Kate would kill him for doing it, but deciding he needed a picture of it, something he could pull out and look at the next time he felt like everything he touched turned to shit.

He put the phone on the coffee table, reached down and picked Riley up. She stirred for a moment before resting her head on his shoulder, arms and legs curled up underneath her, trying to press as close to his chest as she could. He put his hand on her back for security and enjoyed the feeling of pure bliss that holding your sleeping, trusting two year old could bring. He carried her into her bedroom and put her in her bed, making sure her blanket and puppy were nearby before covering her up and kissing her goodnight.

"We'll spend some time together tomorrow. I promise." He whispered before turning and leaving the room.

He walked into his bedroom and turned the lights on. The new mattresses made the bed much higher than it used to be and the new sheets and comforter and throw pillows made it look tempting and inviting. He was tired, too tired for make up sex or any sex for that matter. The lack of sleep the night before, the long day and the unexpected shift at the hospital had left him with nothing left to give physically or emotionally. He turned away from the bedroom and walked back out to the living room. He shook Kate gently until she opened her eyes, finally focusing and smiling at him.

"Let's go to bed." He said softly as he grabbed the remote and turned the television off.

She sat up and finally stood, took his hand and walked into the bedroom with him. She watched him strip down to his boxers and then took her jeans off, deciding the t-shirt she had on could serve as her sleeping attire for the night. She looked at the bed uncertain and he looked at her, unsure of what the problem was.

"What's wrong? Do you still want the other side?" He asked.

"No, this side is fine, I was just wondering if I might need a step ladder to get into it." She commented making him laugh.

"It's definitely up there. A fall out of this bed could be life-threatening." He joked.

She crawled up into the bed and he met her in the middle, pulling her into his chest and abdomen and spooning his body around her, letting the blankets fall at their shoulders.

"You feel so good. Can I get a rain check on the make up sex?" He mumbled sleepily.

"Too pooped to pump huh?" Kate teased.

"Cute, but unfortunately true. If I tried it would be so bad you'd never want to make up with me again." He yawned.

"Goodnight Jack." Kate said as she wrapped her arms over his and went back to sleep.

Kate could hear a faint crying or whimpering. She thought she was dreaming at first and opened her eyes, listening and hearing it again. She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep, but was still wrapped up in Jack's arms and he was sleeping hard, so hard she hated to wake him, but Riley was crying and she sounded like she was close.

"Jack, wake up." She said loud enough to wake him.

"What's wrong?" He asked startled and confused, pulling away from her.

"I hear Riley crying, shh, listen." Kate said.

Jack sat up on his elbows and listened and he heard it too. He could tell she was in the room with them and glanced over his side of the bed, chuckling lightly at what he found. What he saw in the dim light of the nightlight they kept in the wall so Riley wouldn't break her neck while motoring around in the middle of the night was amusing to him. He put both his arms and hands over his side of the bed.

"Come here baby, it's okay." Jack said holding his arms out to the little girl.

Riley reached out to him and he picked her up and set her on the bed in-between himself and Kate.

"The bed's too tall she couldn't see us. She was just sitting on the floor crying." Jack said still chuckling lightly over it.

"Oh, that's so sad, stop laughing you big meanie." Kate said and slapped his arm.

"Can you imagine what it must've looked like to her?" Jack laughed.

"Jack, stop laughing, you're really warped sometimes." Kate said and kissed the little girl on the forehead trying to coax her to lie back down.

"Daddy gone." Riley whined her bottom lip still puffed out.

"Daddy's not gone, it's just a big bed. Can you say big bed?" Jack

"No! Daddy hug!" Riley demanded still a little freaked out over not being able to find him.

Jack felt bad for laughing, the child was obviously still traumatized over waking up to no mother and thought she'd awakened to no father. He kissed her on the cheek and hugged her and let her snuggle up next to him the way she did their first few nights together.

"Kate hug!" Riley demanded without moving from the security of her father's embrace.

Kate moved over Jack's outstretched arm and kissed Riley on the cheek and hugged her, snuggling in beside them, staying there until the child drifted off to sleep. Kate started to move over and give Jack and Riley room to breathe, when she felt his hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry Kate, she's usually not this clingy. I guess it freaked her out when she couldn't find me." Jack apologized.

"It's not a problem Jack. Togetherness is nice, but just so you know, she is the only woman I'm willing to share our bed with." Kate told him before leaning over her and kissing him and then settling back down for the night.

Kate awoke to the sound of water running in the bathroom. She looked over to find Jack was gone, but Riley was still asleep. She looked at the clock beside the bed. It was 7 AM. She wondered if he ever slept in. He came out of the bathroom showered and dressed for the hospital. She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"I've got to go to the hospital Kate, I'm sorry, I know it's early, but unfortunately this is my life some days." Jack apologized.

"Is it the kid, the one with the broken arm?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, he's probably going to lose his arm today." Jack said stoic, already in doctor mode.

"Call me later if you need to talk." Kate offered.

"I'll call regardless. Do you want me to take her to Jennifer?" Jack asked pointing to Riley.

"No, I think we'll hang out and do girl stuff, maybe go for a walk." Kate said.

"Want some money?" He asked.

"Nope, we're good." Kate answered.

He approached the bed, leaned in and kissed Riley gently and then kissed Kate, a kiss that went deeper and longer than the quick goodbye peck he'd intended. He finally pulled back.

"I gotta go Kate." He said in a breathy, rushed tone.

"I know." She said and kissed him one more time.

The day went along and of course Jack never called, she didn't expect him to, she'd seen how he was on the island, always working, never slowing down. That wasn't new behavior developed for their unique circumstances, it was part of who he was. He was easily the most driven individual she'd ever known. She spent the day with Riley, they went for a walk and they played with dolls and had lunch together and Kate lay down with her until she fell asleep when it was nap time. Kate never would've imagined herself in this role, but she kind of liked it. Having this sweet little girl hanging on her every word and wanting nothing more than to spend time with her and then having this sweet, charming hunk of a man come home wanting nothing more than to spend time her was a world she'd never known or ever believed she know.

Jack strolled through the front door around 6 PM ready to take the two women in his life out for dinner, but instead found dinner and the two women in his life waiting on him. He followed the aroma into the living room. Riley was sitting on the floor playing with her toys. He could see the dining room table was set and he wasn't sure what was cooking, he just knew the smell was making his mouth water.

"Hey squirt." Jack said getting Riley's attention.

She immediately stood up, walked over to him and put her arms out to be picked up.

"Daddy up!" Riley demanded.

"Say please Riley." He said.

"Peas." Riley said and grinned at him making him laugh.

He picked her up and hugged her, nuzzling at her neck, his 5 o'clock shadow scratchy and tickling her making her giggle happily. He settled her down and walked into the kitchen with her in his arms to find Kate busily preparing whatever it was that smelled so wonderful.

"If I wasn't in love before I am now." He teased.

"My grandma use to tell me the way to man's heart is through his stomach, must be true." She teased back.

"I forgot to eat today, so tonight that would be true." He said.

"Jack, how does a person forget to eat? That's just weird." Kate scoffed.

"Okay, so not so much forgot, but otherwise occupied when the hunger pains would hit. I never would've pegged you as a domestic goddess. What did you make?" He asked.

"Domestic goddess would be a stretch, but I can cook Jack. Do you like pot roast?" She asked.

"Of course, but where'd you get the pot roast?" He asked.

"Jennifer and I went grocery shopping. You owe her $142.36 by the way." Kate told him and handed him the grocery receipt.

"What'd you do, buy the whole cow?" He laughed.

"No just the things necessary to make the kitchen functional and appropriate for a house with a toddler in it. Honestly Jack, did you expect her to live on cereal and ice cream?" Kate teased stopped on her way to the stove by his putting his arm around her waist and pulling her toward him, kissing her until Riley began pushing them apart.

"My Kate!" Riley told him.

"My Kate!" Jack mocked the child making Kate laugh.

"No, mine!" Riley squealed and giggled as he tickled her.

"Enough, there's enough of me to go around. Now go put your daughter in her chair so we can eat." Kate told him.

"Okay, but just so we're clear, you are MINE tonight." He told her mimicking Riley and kissing her one more time.

"Really, hmm, I was planning on soaking in a hot bubble bath tonight. Does this mean I won't be soaking alone?" Kate asked him in a seductive tone, making him swallow hard.

"Oh sure, put that image in my head and expect me to sit still through dinner." Jack commented and left the kitchen to put Riley in her chair.

They enjoyed their first dinner as a family talking about their day, Jack explaining how brave his young patient had been about losing his arm, telling Jack that he was glad it wasn't his pitching arm. Kate was amazed at how Jack could flip a switch and go from the all business surgeon that walked out the door that morning to this seemingly normal, somewhat happy guy that came back through the door in the evening. How he could talk about cutting off a kid's arm and take a bite of meat at the same time would always remain a mystery to her though, she was sure of that.

He volunteered to do the dishes, but Kate insisted he spend some time with Riley while she did it, not solely for the purpose of them having some bonding time, but because she'd been with Riley all day and was in serious need of a break from her. Jack sensed that and volunteered to bathe her and get her ready for bed if Kate wanted to go take a walk or something after she finished cleaning up the kitchen. Kate was being a real trooper, but he knew she wasn't used to being around kids anymore than he was.

Later that evening Kate walked into Riley's bedroom to tell her goodnight. Jack was lying down with her until she fell asleep. Kate leaned in and kissed her and hugged her.

"Nite cutie, I'll see you in the morning." Kate told her.

She then leaned in and kissed Jack.

"I'm going to go run that tub of water, see you in a few minutes cutie." Kate said making him grin.

With Riley sleeping soundly, Jack eased himself away from her and left the room. He walked into the bathroom to find the mirrors fogged up and Kate completely relaxed in the Jacuzzi tub in the far end of the bathroom. He walked over to the tub and sat down on his knees beside it, grabbing the sponge, dunking it in the water and gliding it slowly over her upper chest. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

"Planning on joining me?" She asked.

"You look so peaceful and relaxed. I'd rather just pamper you with this sponge." He said sweetly.

"So join me and you can be peaceful and relaxed too." She coaxed.

"Tonight was great Kate, thanks. I don't expect you to turn into Suzie Homemaker, but I will be honest and tell you that I liked it, liked it a lot and appreciated it." He said.

"I liked it a lot too Jack, but I don't expect I'll ever turn into your mother." Kate offered making him chuckle.

"God I hope not. I don't want you to be anything but what you want to be, promise me you won't ever pretend for my sake." He said.

"I promise, now are you going to kiss me or what?" She asked.

He stood and leaned over the side of the tub to kiss her, she grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him closer, taking the kiss deeper, sucking him in completely before finally tugging hard enough to pull him off balance and into the tub with her. He went in awkwardly, trying not to hurt her by allowing too much of his weight to land on her at once. He came up, his face covered with bubbles and her laughing as she wiped them away.

"Are you okay?" She giggled.

"You're going to pay for that." He told her.

"Yeah, what are you going to do? Spank me?" She teased.

"That would be fun and I might do that anyway, but I'll make you pay by making you beg." He said in a husky voice as his hand slipped between her legs, making her whimper.

She helped him peel his wet clothes off and toss them onto the bathroom floor. He hovered over her in the water and brought his mouth to hers, their faces wet from the bath water, their mouths open, tongues dancing together, his excitement pressing against her thigh making her want him. He flipped her over onto his lap and sat up in the water, her arms around the back of his neck, his mouth moving from her mouth, down her neck to her chest and breasts, her arching her back so he can have better access to them, his fingers and his tongue teasing her nipples, her ready to mount him, but stopped by him turning her over again.

He brought his mouth back down to her neck and upper chest while his hand worked its way between her legs, penetrating her and slowly moving in and out and then stopping, sliding his hands slowly up her sides and turning them over again, her lying on top of him, swirling her tongue over his nipples and his hand finding its way back down and penetrating her again, from behind, making her rock back and forth, wanting him inside of her, but him refusing to allow her to connect them.

She finally brought her head up to look at him, the grin on his face making her let out a big sigh and a small laugh before giving in to him.

"Okay Jack, I'm begging. Please make love to me." She said.

"That's not begging Kate." He said and added a third finger in an attempt to simulate the thickness she wanted so desperately. Pushing them in deep and slow, stretching her, making her grind hard into his pelvis.

"Oh Jesus Jack, please, I need you now." She panted into his ear as his hand pounded a little harder into her.

He moved her down until she was straddling his thigh, going back to two fingers afraid he might hurt her. She rocked against his thigh as his fingers moved in and out, not able to get the right contact to find relief and starting to get a little crazy.

"Jack now!" She demanded making him laugh.

He lifted her out of the water and took his time drying both of them with a towel. He led her into the bedroom, pulled the bed coverings all the way back and crawled onto the bed with her. They lay side by side looking into one another's eyes, him gently caressing the side of her face. He pulled her close to him, wrapping his arm around her back, kissing her longingly as he lifted her leg and penetrated her again, using just one finger this time, sliding it in and out and up and over her crease, slowing their kissing down to deep, sensual, tongue-probing butterflies in the stomach masterpieces.

He finally rolled her onto her back, moving over her, legs opening up for him, allowing her to put him into position and then pushing into her quick, the warm, soft slippery vice around him making him groan, holding his position, waiting for her to adjust before he began making love to her. Holding himself up on outstretched arms he moved in and out of her slowly, maintaining eye contact with her, watching her face as her orgasm built and then finally released, clamping around him, legs holding him still so he couldn't move again until she was finished.

Putting her arms around his neck she pulled him closer to her until their bodies were touching. He turned them over and sat them up. She kept her arms around him, kissing him, riding him slowly up and down, watching his face as his release got closer and closer, his eyes finally closing tight, his seed filling her while she climaxed around him, both of them shaking, bodies sweating and then finally settling, the only noise their labored breathing.

He finally rolled her over and pulled out of her, relaxing onto the bed, allowing his body to cool down while she gently ran her fingers over the hair on his chest. She finally moved next to him and lay her head on his chest, listening to him breathe, wondering which one of them would move first.

"I talked to your attorney today." Jack said making her look up at him.

"No, not about that, he gave the name and number of a guy that specializes in family law. Says I need to be ready for a battle and not to wait until the baby is born." He finished.

"Are you okay Jack? I mean, you've really been through a lot of shit. Are you seriously okay?" Kate asked, laying her head back down on his chest.

"I'm okay Kate, as long I've got you I'm okay." He said.

"That's flattering Jack, but I hope you'll trust me enough to talk to me when this all gets too crazy for you." Kate said.

"I'm talking to you now. I didn't eat today because I was busy shopping when I had a break." He confessed.

"Yeah, what did you buy?" She asked.

He slipped his hand under his pillow and pulled out a small, black box.

"This, so we can make it official." He said and put the box down on his chest in front of her face.

She lifted her head and looked at the box and then looked at him.

"What is it?" She asked, feeling stupid because she knew what it was.

"Kate, you said you wanted to get married. Have you changed your mind?" He asked picking up on her uneasiness.

"No, I'm just not used to people buying me things and you seem to be doing a lot of that lately." She said.

"Well open it then." He pushed.

She picked up the box and opened it. Inside was a diamond solitaire engagement ring, simple, but beautiful.

"It's beautiful." She said as the tears began streaming down her face.

"Hey, don't cry, it's supposed to be a happy thing." He tried to comfort her.

"It's just that it's real now." She cried.

"Is that bad?" He asked with a light laugh.

"No, I guess I just never thought………..I love you Jack." She said and hugged him and kissed him and let him slip the ring on her finger and eventually make love to her again the obstacles they faced over the next few weeks not putting a damper on their private celebration.


	22. Chapter 22

Jack and Kate spent the following weeks settling into a routine. He slowly worked his way back into what he considered a normal routine as far as his profession went and she did her best to take everything one day at time, trying to decide if she wanted to continue to be Riley's caretaker every day, all day long while Jack's hours at the hospital became longer and longer as each day passed, sometimes going two or three days in a row without seeing Riley.

The subject of Kasey and the baby didn't come up much other than Jack flatly stating that the situation was being handled. Her due date was now less than 3 weeks away and Kate wondered if Jack was really prepared for the firestorm that could hit as soon as the baby became a reality.

It was another day where Jack had left for the hospital by 7 AM, not to return until after 8 PM. He never brought his work home, nor did he return home too fatigued to just be Jack and enjoy some time with Kate and Riley, which made Kate feel selfish and even ridiculous for feeling put out with him. She knew this was his job, knew how committed he was, how hard he always worked and knew that there were going to be days when she never saw him, she guessed she just didn't realize there would be so many of them.

Jack came through the door tired but with a smile and a happy greeting for the two women in his life. He picked up on the tension when he leaned into to kiss her, but decided it would be best to let her tell him what was bothering her rather than try to pry the information out of her. He walked over to where Riley was busy arranging blocks by color, then size and kneeled down in front of her.

"Can I have a kiss and a hug?" He asked.

Riley looked up from her blocks and became excited to see her daddy. She smiled a big smile for him and eagerly jumped into his waiting arms. He stood with her, hugged her, kissed her and made sure he nuzzled her neck to make her giggle. That had become their routine.

"Daddy pway." Riley demanded.

"Maybe later. Okay?" He replied and returned the child to the spot he had retrieved her from.

"No! Daddy pway!" She insisted, holding her legs up, refusing to let him set her down, making him laugh.

He sat down on the floor with her and looked at the arrangement of blocks.

"Did you teach her how to do this?" Jack asked Kate.

"No Jack, she's just naturally anal. Go figure." Kate answered her tone suggesting she was ticking.

"You okay? You seem a little, I don't know, pissed off." Jack commented.

"I'm just tired, she's been quite the little tyrant the last couple of days." Kate answered.

"Why would you let her dictate things Kate?" He asked realizing immediately he shouldn't have said it as he watched her stand up, eyes boring holes into him, fists unconsciously clinched.

"I'll tell you what Jack, when you spend more than 20 minutes with her come talk to me about what you would or wouldn't let her do. I'm going to go take a bath and then I'm going to bed." Kate snapped and left the room.

"Daddy's in trouble." Jack said to Riley, sighing realizing Kate was right.

He played with Riley for a little while, helped her put the blocks away, tucked her into bed, read to her and stayed with her until she fell asleep. He walked into their bedroom. Kate was curled up on her side of the bed staring at the television. He walked over, took the remote control from her, turned the television off and sat down beside her. He thought about reaching out, touching her, but decided it wasn't safe to do that yet.

"Let's talk." He said.

"I don't want to talk Jack. Give me back the remote." She snapped.

"No, you are obviously pissed off at me over the hours I've been working so let's do this, put it out there, tell me how I'm neglecting my daughter, how I'm neglecting you, how I love my job more than you." He shot back.

"Sounds like you've covered all the bases so what's left to discuss." Kate said.

"So what, you want me to quit?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Of course Jack, I want you to quit being a doctor." Kate replied with just as much sarcasm.

"What do you want me to do Kate? Tell me and I'll do it." He insisted, backing up a little as she sat up to face him.

"I want you to not take me for granted Jack. I want to serve some purpose in your life other than being here to satisfy you sexually!" Kate yelled at him.

"That's a pretty strong accusation coming from someone that hasn't let me touch her in over two weeks. Keep it up Kate and I'm liable to accidentally call you Sarah the next time you do let me make love to you." He yelled back, his voice angry and hateful.

She was ready to slap him, but his eyes stopped her. He could pretend to be angry or even disgusted with her, but his eyes would always betray him. They showed just how deeply hurt and afraid he was at the moment, the conflicts that had plagued his previous relationship surfacing and scaring him, making him sad, filling him with dread. She softened and brought her hand up to his face, gently caressing his cheek before he took hold of her hand and held it in both of his.

"Jack, I'm not trying to hurt you and your commitment to what you do is one of the things I love about you, but we have to find a workable solution because you working 90 hours a week while I'm cooped up in this condo with a very active, curious two year old day and night isn't going to work. Plus, I miss you." She said, softening her tone, letting him know she wasn't getting ready to walk away from him.

"I miss you too." He admitted.

"Look, I know there is nothing you can do about the times you have to be on call or be available if one of your patients is in trouble, but do you really have to spread yourself so thin? Do you need to keep the office hours you do on top of all the surgeries? With the exception of emergencies do you really need to be at the hospital so late?" She asked.

"Probably not, I'm a bit of a workaholic in case you haven't noticed." He said and offered shy grin.

"I noticed that on the island Jack, but it's really not a good excuse to miss out on your daughter's childhood. She not only arranges things by color and size she can say her ABCs and can sing all the words to Itsy, Bitsy Spider. She's a beautiful, intelligent little person and you are missing out on some great stuff. I have to be honest and tell you that I can't get excited about having a baby with you if you're going to continue at the pace your on right now." She told him.

"Is that why you cut me off?" He asked.

"No, I didn't have any desire to be with you." She answered.

"Oh." Was all he could manage, her brutal honesty stinging.

"Jack, I never see you and when I do you just seem to want to cut straight to the chase, pawing all over me, coming in at 2 AM and waking me up, not to talk to me or tell me about your day, but to have sex with me. I'm supposed to find that desirable?" She explained.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like that's all I need from you. I can't help it, I think about you all day long and when I get home I just want you, but it's not just lust Kate, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and I feel like no matter how hard I try I can't ever say it enough or show you enough. It's corny, but I look at you and I feel like my heart is going to explode." He apologized.

"It's not corny, it's sweet and I feel the same way. I feel selfish and ashamed for feeling so angry at you because I knew before I got into this that you worked a lot. I can handle you working a lot Jack, but I can't deal with all the time. When was the last time the three of us ate dinner together?" She said.

"I know and don't feel like you're being unreasonable because you aren't. I've been selfish, thoughtless, this one is all on me. We need to move out of here too, get a house with a yard so both my girls can be outside where they like to be. Maybe find a preschool for Riley so you can get a break from each other. I'll do whatever I need to do to keep us happy Kate, just name it." Jack offered.

"I'm happy Jack and you don't need to do anything but try to make some time for your girls, as you call us. We love you and want to spend some time with you." She said.

"Okay." He told her and pushed her back on to the pillows, kissing her for a long time before finally taking his place beside her and relaxing, both laying on their sides looking at each other.

"Hey, speaking of houses, I talked to Claire today. I guess she and Sawyer I getting pretty hot and heavy. She said he's going to call you about where the best places to live around her are." Kate informed him.

"Please don't put images of Sawyer being hot and heavy with Claire into my head Kate." Jack complained.

"I thought you and Sawyer were friends." Kate argued.

"We get along okay and I'm happy for them, but I don't want to think about him having sex with her." Jack said and shuddered making her laugh.

"You don't seem to have any problem putting those ideas about us into his head." Kate laughed.

"That's different." He whined.

"Why is that different?" Kate asked still giggling at him.

"Because it's Claire, she's like a kid sister and I don't like to think about guys violating her." He explained.

"Oh, but it's okay for Sawyer to know you're violating me?" She laughed.

"I'm not violating you and I want all men to look at you and know I'm the lucky guy that gets to love you." He said with a grin.

He studied her, trying to understand why he allowed himself to get so wrapped up in his work that he would limit his time with her, replaying their conversation in his head, realizing how upset she was with him, dreading a lifetime of trying to put a life together without his participation. His gaze then turned from one of studying to questioning.

"What?" Kate asked noticing the change in his expression.

"I was just curious about something you said." He said.

"Care to elaborate?" She asked.

"Did you just tell me that you were having a baby with me and I let it go right over the top of my head?" He asked.

"Yes." She said without breaking eye contact with him, seeing a smile creep onto his face almost instantly.

"When did you find out?" He asked.

"Jack, I was on an island somewhere in the South Pacific the last time I had a period. I think we must've got out of rhythm, maybe that first night back in civilization, I don't know, it's obviously a lousy form of birth control." Kate admitted and watched as he began calculating things in his mind and then his expression changed to one of confusion.

"You've been pretending? Why would you do that?" He asked.

"I was going to tell you when I saw you in New Mexico that first day, but you were so upset and so adamant about not getting me pregnant that I decided to keep it to myself, wait it out, see if maybe my body was just out of sorts from everything I'd been through." She explained.

"Kate, that was three months ago. Have I been so wrapped up in my work and my personal issues that I completely missed the signs and worse, made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about it?" He asked.

"I really haven't been giving off any signals Jack and it wasn't that I felt like I couldn't talk to you it just seemed ridiculous after finding out about Riley and then Kasey and certainly not a cause for celebration." She said and watched his face take on a regretful, apologetic look.

"Kate, I'm sorry if I made you feel like this was something you couldn't share with me. Are you okay with it?" He said.

"I guess, I mean its all happening kind of fast. It's kind of scary. Are you okay with it?" She asked.

"Yes, of course. I'm not doing that great so far, but I kind of like this daddy thing." He said and smiled at her.

"Jack I'm serious about you changing your workaholic behavior. I won't do this alone and I'm not going fight with you once a month so you can change your ways for a few days to settle me down and then go back to being gone all the time." She told him.

"I know and I'm going to be better about it, I promise. The weekend is coming up and I'm not on call, want to get a babysitter and go away for a couple of days?" He asked.

"If you're offering a whole weekend I think we should spend it looking for that house you were talking about and besides, I think Sawyer really needs some of your time." She answered.

"I'm really sorry Kate, I am what I am, but I am going to try really hard to change some really bad habits." He promised.

"Do you have an early day tomorrow?" She asked.

"Not too early." He said yawning and putting an arm over her and closing his eyes.

"You sleeping in your clothes?" She asked.

"I might, I'm pretty comfortable and don't want to move." He answered keeping his eyes closed and pulling her closer to him.

"That's too bad." She said her voice taking on a teasing tone.

"Yeah, why's that?" He chuckled.

"I'm not wearing anything under this robe." She whispered seductively to him making him open his eyes and look at her.

"I know you're put out with me Kate so it's okay if you don't feel like having sex, we'll work back up to where we were before I screwed everything up eventually." He told her his tone serious and apologetic.

"If I didn't want you Jack, I would've put some clothes on after I took my bath." She told him.

"But you were still mad at me when you took your bath." He said.

"Yeah, but I knew we were going to clear the air and it has been two weeks. This was a pretty big fight and the make-up sex is important. I need to show you I still love you and I need that from you, especially since I've just thrown another wrench into the mess." She told him.

He propped himself up on his arm, leaned over her and kissed her deeply, longingly and most importantly with all the love and desire he normally would. He pulled back and looked into her eyes.

"You haven't thrown a wrench into anything. I love you and I'm happy about this baby and we are going to have fun planning for it, buying all the baby stuff and getting Riley psyched about having a baby brother or sister." He told her.

"Jack, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I just want you to know that if you were to decide to raise the baby Kasey is carrying I could be just as excited about making a life for him with us. I wouldn't love him any less than the one I'm carrying." She told him.

"Okay." Was all he said, the personal conflict he'd been feeling about the baby not something he'd yet resolved, having given up on any resolution, deciding he'd wait until it was time to face the music before he actually would.

He began kissing her again, moving his hand inside the opening of her robe, his hand coming into contact with a soft, warm breast. He pulled out of the kiss and smiled at her.

"You really are naked under there aren't you?" He asked.

"Would I lie about something like that?" She laughed.

"Can we take it off?" He asked in husky, hungry tone.

"You can do whatever you want." She told him.

He didn't need to be told twice. He propped himself up on his right arm again and untied her robe, pushing it away from her on either side and taking in the view, moving his eyes slowly from her head to her toes and back up, stopping momentarily on her stomach, that showed just the slightest hint that there was a baby growing inside. He moved the fingers of his left hand gently over her chest and down the center to her belly button before bringing his hand up and gently massaging each breast, his thumb and fingers gently pinching the nipple of her right breast while his mouth came down over her left nipple, making her moan and squirm beneath him.

He spent some time paying attention to her breasts before moving his hand down to her belly and then gently over her center, caressing the inside of her thighs lightly making her whimper. He smiled, happy that she was once again so responsive to his touch, wanting to take his time and enjoy every inch of her body and make sure she had no doubt how much he enjoyed it. He moved and stood beside the bed, slowly ridding himself of all of his clothes.

She watched him undress, as if he were performing a private strip tease just for her. He noticed how intently she was watching him and found himself melting in her eyes, the desire that was in them burning his flesh, but in a good way, the experience suddenly becoming almost erotic as he slowly removed his boxer briefs, freeing himself from their tight confines, her eyes growing more intense as he moved closer, his erection displayed before her. She reached out and gently wrapped her hand around him, moving ever so slightly up and down, making him take a deep breath, the sensation of her soft skin gently moving over the soft, sensitive skin of his member nearly putting him over the edge.

She held onto him with one hand, rolled onto her side and reached into the drawer of the nightstand, pulling out a bottle of warming gel. His eyes widened when he saw what she was about to do.

"I won't last if you do that." He said his voice strained.

"It's been 2 weeks, you aren't going to last anyway so let me have some fun and then you can have some fun while you recharge." She said as she poured a small amount of the warming liquid on her hand.

She rubbed her hands together and then worked the liquid over him, making him pant and groan, the heat and the friction too much for him to control the outcome so he gave into her and decided to enjoy it while it lasted, which he knew wasn't going to be long as he felt his release steadily building.

She rubbed her thumb over the liquid seeping from his tip and then swirled her tongue around the swollen, purple head, ready for him to explode any second. He gripped the sides of the bed needing anything to hold him up, his legs suddenly not able to support his weight as she took as much of him into her mouth as she could, steadily swirling her tongue over him while slowly bobbing up and down over him, holding onto the back of his legs as she continued on, feeling the muscles in his thighs tighten and then feeling the hot release hit the back of the throat, swallowing and slowly pulling her mouth back, careful not to touch the now overly sensitive head, gently pumping him allowing his final spurts to land on her tongue and then softly licking him as he became softer and softer.

She finally pulled her mouth away and laid back on the bed looking up at him. His eyes were soft and glazed over as his mind and body slowly made its way back from where she had just taken him. Finally coming to his senses, he crawled onto the bed with her, positioning himself comfortably between her legs, supporting his weight on his forearms while he kissed her, pushing his tongue into her mouth, tasting himself there and intensifying the kiss, finally pulling back for air. He gazed into her eyes and smiled at her.

"Thank you, that was…….jesus Kate, I can't even form a complete sentence." He told her and began kissing her again, his flesh against her flesh, so hot it was making her sweat.

He began moving his mouth over her, stopping to enjoy his favorite soft spots, marking her at every stop and then turning her over, starting at her neck and moving down her back, stopping to mark her below her shoulder blade and then again above just above her butt. She could feel the light biting following by his sucking, his hunger and need for her making her need to have him inside of her unbearable. She pushed herself up on all fours, knowing he most likely wasn't hard again yet, but letting him know she wanted and needed to be penetrated. He kissed and gently nibbled on her soft, butt cheeks, massaging them gently in his hands while allowing his thumbs to move down toward the center where she wanted his attention.

He moved his hand down and inserted a finger, smiling as she moaned loudly and moved her hips around, begging for more. He inserted another finger and began moving them in and out of her slowly, as she became wetter and began moving herself deeper onto his hand, whimpering and moaning, her release just beyond her reach, beginning to spiral her out of control.

"Easy babe, just let it go." He coaxed in a soft, sexy tone and pushed his fingers in as deep as he could, bringing loud, inaudible words from her as she panted and began sweating needing to come, but not able to get there.

"Spank me Jack." She pleaded as turned on and delirious with lust as he'd ever seen her.

"Kate, I don't………" He argued, finding the idea a turn-on, but not sure if he could really bring himself to do it.

"Please, it'll feel so good. It'll put me over the edge. I need to get over the edge." She begged, her breathing labored, her voice so sexy and hungry he could feel another erection building.

He swatted her once on the bottom, the act registering in nerve endings he didn't know existed, his penis suddenly springing up, nearing a full erection again.

"Harder." She demanded and brought her hand between her legs, rubbing circles over her most sensitive spot.

He continued to push his fingers into her and swatted her again, harder and she moaned for him to do it again. He could feels the beads of sweat building on his face, as he was now fully aroused and wanting to bury himself inside of her, but he continued on, swatting her bottom harder, his large hand able to make contact with both cheeks, the sting of each swat combined with his fingers and her fingers bringing her closer and closer. He swatted her three more times and she screamed, startling him at first, then realizing she was experiencing the mother of all orgasms so he wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her down to her side, letting her clench her legs around his hand and forearm, her body shaking and trembling as she cried out.

When she finally settled, he pulled his hand away and helped her roll onto her back. Her face was flushed and her eyes looked somewhat misty as her mind slowly made its way back to her body. She finally made eye contact with him and he smiled at her.

"Are you with me?" He asked sweetly, passionately.

"I want you inside me." She said.

He moved himself between her legs and pushed her arms back so that her hands were resting on the pillows to either side of her head. He clamped his hands over hers and pushed himself inside her in one quick thrust. He held his position and leaned in to kiss her, pulling back and looking into her eyes, the love he felt for her displayed clearly in the warm brown smoky gaze.

"I love you too." She said and kissed him one more time, before allowing him to focus on pleasuring both of them one more time.

He started out slowly, bringing her to a soft, sweet, warm climax that made her sigh into his mouth as she pulled him into a kiss while she got through it. He pulled back and smiled, pleased with himself and then quickened his pace and deepened his thrusts, driving her hips into the mattress below them, clutching her hands tightly as his climax built, pushing harder and harder and faster and faster, both of them panting and moaning and them crying out, her first, followed by a string of profanity from him as he came hard, pushing in one last time as deep as he could and releasing his juices into her, holding for a moment and then slowly pumping in and out until he was empty and then finally flaccid. He moved off of her and rolled over onto his back, breathing hard, his body soaked with sweat.

"You gonna make it?" She asked and then chuckled.

"If I don't, I'll die a very happy man." He teased.

She curled up next to him, laying her head on his chest, not caring that he was covered with sweat.

"That was incredible Jack. Maybe I should cut you off for two weeks more often." She joked.

"Please don't." He said and wrapped his arm around her.

They lay together allowing the ceiling fan to cool their bodies, him finally pulling the comforter over their chilled nude bodies, kissing her on the top of the head and joining her in sleep. They slept that way for a few hours, his cell phone continuing to go off finally waking Kate. She looked around and could tell it was in the bedroom some place. She looked over the side of the bed and could see it lighting up through the pocket of his pants. She scooted out of the bed and retrieved the phone, flipping it open and answering it in an extremely annoyed tone.

"Just a minute. Jack! Wake up!" Kate said as she crawled back onto the bed and shook him.

"What's going on?" He asked sleepily.

"The phone, it's Kevin." Kate said shoving the phone at him.

"Kevin? Who the hell is Kevin?" Jack asked.

"Kasey's brother. He says it's an emergency." Kate told him.

Jack took the phone from her and listened.

"Okay, I'll be right there." Jack said and closed the phone.

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"It's Kasey, he says she's in a lot of pain and has her door locked." Jack answered.

"Do you think she's in labor?" Kate asked.

"I hope not, the last I heard she was scheduled for C-Section so there must be some reason why her doctor doesn't want her to deliver vaginally." Jack explained as he pulled his underwear on and entered the closet looking for jeans and a shirt.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Kate called to the closet.

He exited the closet zipping his jeans and pulling a t-shirt over his head. He looked at her and wanted nothing more than for her to go with him, but decided it was better if she didn't.

"I would love it, but I don't want to drag Riley out of bed." Jack answered.

"Call me and let me know what's going on." Kate told him.

"I will. Hopefully it's nothing." Jack said and left the bedroom.

Jack was knocking on Kevin's door within 5 minutes of the phone call. Kevin opened the door looking panicked.

"Is she still locked in there?" Jack asked.

"Yes and she's been hurting for hours Jack. I can hear her in there." Kevin said.

Jack followed Kevin to Kasey's bedroom door. He knocked on it.

"Kasey it's Jack. Are you okay?" Jack asked.

She didn't answer, but he could hear her moaning against whatever was hurting her.

"Kasey open the door and let me see if you're okay." Jack yelled through the door.

"I can't. I can't move." Kasey cried out.

Kevin looked at Jack.

"What should we do?" Kevin asked.

"It's your house man, but if she can't move she's probably in labor." Jack said.

"She's not supposed to go into labor Jack. Her doctor said it's dangerous for her." Kevin told him.

"Did he say why?" Jack asked starting to grasp the urgency of the situation.

"Something about her placenta and hemorrhaging." Kevin answered.

"It's not Placenta Previa is it?" Jack asked, his tone suggesting the situation was extremely serious.

"Yeah, I think that's what he called it." Kevin said.

"We've got to break this door down Kevin." Jack told him, Kevin understanding that there was no room for argument.

Both men began ramming their shoulders into the door at the same time and after the third time the door gave way. Jack ran over to the bed and began assessing the situation.

"Kasey, how long have you been in labor?" Jack asked.

"A few hours, he's coming out, I can feel it." She said softly.

Jack pulled the blankets back and his worst fears were realized. The bedding underneath Kasey was blood soaked.

"Kevin call an ambulance!" Jack ordered.

Kevin grabbed the phone beside Kasey's bed and punched in the three numbers. He panicked as soon as the operator answered the phone. Jack grabbed the phone from him.

"Listen, this is Dr. Jack Shephard, dispatch an ambulance right now and you can relay while they're in route, there is no time to waste. I'll hang on while you do it." Jack told the operator.

"What can I do?" Kevin asked.

"I need towels!" Jack ordered.

"Sir the ambulance is on its way, what is the emergency?" The operator asked.

"Female in her early 20s in her 36th week of pregnancy in the late stages of labor and hemorrhaging. Possible Placenta Previa." Jack told her.

"What is that?" The operator asked.

"It means the placenta is blocking the birth canal. The baby is tearing through it. She's lost a lot of blood." Jack answered.

"Can you tell if the baby is okay?" The operator asked.

"I'm going to set the phone down now and check her out." Jack told her and set the phone down.

Jack looked down at Kasey, she was becoming a sickly gray color. He pulled her nightgown up, but could see nothing. She was covered in blood from the waist down.

"Kasey, listen to me. I need to examine you and see how advanced this is. Okay?" Jack asked.

"He's coming out Jack, I can feel it." Kasey told him, barely conscious.

Jack removed her blood soaked panties and she was right the baby's head was crowning amidst all the blood and what was left of her placenta. He knew the situation was bordering on hopeless for Kasey as the blood continued to flow out of her and he had to make a decision; either try to go ahead and deliver the baby to save him or try to keep her from delivering and hope she didn't bleed to death before they could get her to the hospital, risking death from a lack of oxygen for the baby. He looked at the bed and at Kasey and knew the odds that she would survive this weren't good.

"Kasey why?" He asked.

"I didn't want an operation. I'm going to push." She said.

"Kasey no!" He ordered, but was too late, she had pushed and blood gushed and the baby's head was almost out.

"One more Kasey." He said sadly realizing the baby was all he could hope to save.

She pushed one more time and the baby's head was out. He cleared its nose and its throat and looked up at Kasey. She was barely conscious.

"Okay Kasey, one little push and he'll be out." Jack said.

She pushed and with Jack's assistance the rest of the baby was delivered, just as the paramedics arrived. The baby was quiet. Jack thumped on the bottom of his feet until he started crying. He held him up so Kasey could see him. She smiled weakly at him and touched his toes.

"Do you want to hold him?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm tired." Kasey said and closed her eyes.

"Kasey don't go to sleep!" Jack ordered.

The paramedics pushed their way into the room and immediately loaded her onto the gurney while Jack wrapped the baby in a towel. The paramedic reached for the baby.

"I've got him." Jack said.

"Sir, we really need to check him out." The paramedic argued.

"I'm a doctor, I'll ride in the back and check him out. Let's go, she doesn't have any time to spare." Jack told him.

Kevin watched them wheel Kasey out the door with Jack right behind holding the crying infant. He looked at the mess in the bedroom and then followed them.


	23. Chapter 23

Jack stood behind the glass, his forearm up and pressed against the glass and his forehead resting on his forearm watching the activity on the other side of the glass. He weighed in at just a little over seven pounds and appeared to have suffered no ill-affects from the birth. He was a little early, but as far as anyone could tell a perfectly healthy baby. He'd stood watching the activity, refusing offers to participate in the baby's exam and then watched the nurses bathe him, diaper him, stick a pacifier in his mouth and lay him in a small bed under bright lights, his temperature a little lower than the pediatrician was comfortable with. A paternity test had been done as soon as Jack hired an attorney, the results showing that the child was definitely his, but because of the circumstances and the uncertainty they had asked his permission before they put the name Shephard on the card that displayed on the front of the bed the baby was lying in.

The baby was sleeping now, the thick coating of blood cleaned off his small body. Jack noticed he was plump and guessed he would've been close to nine pounds if he'd gone full term. He had long fingers and light brown hair and Jack couldn't seem to leave the window, content to stand there and watch him sleep.

Sawyer stood about six feet behind him, watching Jack study the activity on the other side of the glass, wondering what he was supposed to say, for the first time since he'd met Jack, not having any desire to antagonize him. Kate had called him, upset and worried and begging him to please go find Jack for her and make sure he got home safely. He'd do anything for Kate so that he jumped out of bed and hurried out the door didn't surprise him; that he himself was concerned about Jack's well-being to the point of running red lights and speeding did surprise him.

Jack could feel a presence behind him and turned around. He looked at Sawyer, his eyes blank and emotionless.

"Hey." Was all he said and turned back around to watch the baby sleep some more.

Sawyer walked up to the window and stood beside him, looking around until he spotted the baby that had all of Jack's attention.

"Is he okay?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah." Jack answered.

"What about you?" Sawyer asked.

"What about me?" Jack shot back.

"You okay?" Sawyer asked.

"Why are you here Sawyer?" Jack asked in an irritated tone.

"Kate's worried about you, made me promise I'd come find you and bring you home." Sawyer answered without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Jack looked at him and then back at the baby.

"Look Sawyer, I appreciate the effort you're making here, but I think I need to be alone." Jack said solemnly.

"Tell me you ain't blamin yourself for what happened." Sawyer pushed.

"No, I did everything I could." Jack said flatly.

"Then why are you standing here looking so lost?" Sawyer asked.

"I guess because I am. This is so fucked up. She knew, she was warned and she let it happen anyway. A young life snuffed out because she was too immature to grasp the seriousness of her condition, because she was too vain to go through life with a surgical scar on her stomach." Jack spat angrily.

"Seriously?" Sawyer asked.

"That's what her brother told me, said she'd been resistant to the idea, didn't believe she couldn't deliver the baby, but thought she'd come around once the surgery date rolled around. I guess nobody guessed she'd go into labor and hide it from everyone. Stupid." Jack said.

"You're right, that's completely fucked up doc, but it doesn't explain why you're standing here looking like you did something wrong." Sawyer prodded.

"Look at him Sawyer. He's an innocent little baby and he's starting out completely alone." Jack said choking his emotions back.

"Why does he have to be starting out alone?" Sawyer asked.

"Because he deserves better than what I've got offer." Jack snapped.

"That's bullshit Jack, hell look at us, you, me, Kate, Claire. Our four fathers together didn't add up to one that was worth a damn, you really expect me to believe you'd project the same kind of feelings on your own kid." Sawyer objected.

"Three fathers." Jack mumbled.

"What?" Sawyer asked.

"I said three fathers, not four." Jack repeated.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sawyer asked.

"According to my captors back on the island, Claire is my half sister, my father's reason for making Sydney his final destination in life. I guess he figured since he'd written his son off he would try to make something with the daughter he never paid any attention to." Jack said.

"Jesus doc, why would you keep something like that to yourself? Don't you think Claire has the right to know?" Sawyer asked.

"I didn't know if she needed to know or not Sawyer. Did it matter? I mean whatever she feels about her father, did I need to disturb that with a shocking revelation that might not have even been true?" Jack asked.

"What do you mean might not have been? So you know for sure now?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, I do. It was sneaky and she'll probably be mad, but when we were at Hurley's that night I took a few things that DNA could be extracted from and I got the results a few days ago. We have the same father." Jack said solemnly.

"Okay doc, but what does any of that have to do with this?" Sawyer asked.

"I have no idea what the circumstances were, but knowing my father, it was probably a drunken one night stand. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree huh?" Jack explained.

"Do you really believe that?" Sawyer asked.

"I know I'm not exactly like him, but I did inherit some of his bad habits. Claire is great so I guess I'm wondering if it matters what the circumstances were. I also know how I felt when I found out I had a sister I never got to know and if I give him away how is he going to feel when he learns the truth, how is Riley going to feel?" Jack rambled on not really making any sense, obviously feeling things he didn't believe he would.

"Why do you have to analyze everything to death doc? That baby don't care how he got here, he just needs somebody to love him, no he deserves that, it's a basic right as a human-being to have at least one parent that gives a damn about you. Great, so now's your chance to prove to the world that you aren't your father, but hell don't keep your son for a stupid reason like that, keep him because you want him, he deserves to be wanted." Sawyer argued.

"You're absolutely right about that Sawyer so I guess I need determine how I really feel about that." Jack agreed.

"Is it really that difficult Jack?" Sawyer asked.

"It shouldn't be should it?" Jack replied.

"Hell, you either feel it in your gut or you don't. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box doc, but even I can see you're feeling it in your gut so why are you putting yourself though this?" Sawyer asked.

Jack pulled his attention away from the baby and looked at Sawyer again. He shoved his hands in his pockets, dropped his head and laughed lightly before looking up at him again.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sawyer?" Jack chuckled.

"There's a time and a place for everything doc and this ain't the time for me to be shootin one-liners at you or calling you names. I spent most of my life being bounced from one foster home to another, people takin you in cuz that's what they're paid to do, never givin a damn about you otherwise. Is that what you want for your son Jack?" Sawyer grumbled.

"I'm sorry Sawyer." Jack said.

"For what?" Sawyer asked.

"When we were on the island, Kate was always in your corner, trying to get to me believe that you were a good person, that you most likely had demons just like the rest of us and your attitude was your way of dealing with them. I'm sorry it took me so long to see that she was right. Things might've been easier if we hadn't been at each other's throats all the time." Jack explained.

"We are friends because we learned to respect one another for what we are, not where we came from so don't get all mushy on me and don't ever pity me cuz we can't be friends anymore if you go there." Sawyer growled.

"Okay, sorry and for the record, I don't pity you, there's been times when I've wanted to kill you and times when I've been jealous of how carefree you are, but it never occurred to me to pity you. So, I guess I should let you take me home so Kate will stop worrying." Jack said.

"I called her when I got here, told her you were okay. So are you?" Sawyer asked.

"Am I what?" Jack asked.

"Okay." Sawyer said.

"I don't know, but I need to be. I've got a family to take care of and a medical career that requires I be a little less, I don't know, distracted, crazy. The two surgeries I had scheduled today have been handed over to another surgeon and I have a meeting with the hospital administrator this afternoon. I think I'm about to be called up on the proverbial carpet and this situation probably isn't going to help, but I guess it'll make for some great hospital gossip." Jack said.

"This is the hospital you work in?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah and the halls will be buzzing by this afternoon, but this was the closest hospital and time was critical." Jack said.

"Oh well, I'm guessin you've probably been the gossip around these halls for years anyway. Young, single surgeon and hot, gorgeous nurses eager to play doctor." Sawyer remarked making Jack laugh.

"That would've been fun if the young single surgeon wasn't always too tired to play doctor." Jack commented.

"Oh that's just sad doc." Sawyer sighed.

"Yeah, I guess. Come on, let's get out of here, I'll buy you breakfast and we can discuss this house hunting thing Kate was telling me about." Jack offered.

"Hey doc, you do realize that there is a real potential here for you and me to end up related don't you? Imagine me at the Shephard Family reunions." Sawyer said sarcastically making Jack laugh, the image of his mother's shocked face immediately flashing before him.

"As entertaining as that would be, I think THAT Shephard family needs be considered dead and we'll just start a new one. Me, my half sister, her ex con-man husband who isn't the father of my nephew followed up with my beautiful ex-fugitive wife and our three children with three different mothers." Jack offered, the sarcasm thick but teasing.

"You ain't got a mother?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, but trust me, she'd want no part of the new Shephard clan so we'll just leave her out on her snooty island where she likes to be." Jack answered.

Sawyer chuckled at Jack's description of their newly formed clan, more over the idea that it really existed than how absurd it was. He grabbed Jack's arm, making him stop walking and look at him.

"Did you say three children?" Sawyer asked.

"Oops. Man, don't say anything. I don't know if she wants people to know yet." Jack said.

"Damn doc, you are quite the busy bee. They not teach you where babies come from in med school?" Sawyer remarked and chuckled.

"Makes you wonder doesn't it? It's a pretty ridiculous situation to be in, but my ex-wife and I were actually trying to get pregnant and Kate, well, we were on an island where abstinence was the only sure form of birth control. No excuse for Kasey though. Just a good example of how one bad decision can change lives forever." Jack admitted with a shrug and continued walking toward the hospital exit.

Jack and Sawyer enjoyed a leisurely breakfast where the two actually carried on an adult conversation minus the insults and nicknames. They made plans to spend the weekend house hunting and Sawyer dropped him off at his condominium complex.

Jack entered his home expecting to be greeted by a hyper two year old, but instead the house was quiet. He found a note on the refrigerator. Kate and Jennifer had taken Riley and Jennifer's two sons to the park and then were taking them to lunch and she would see him after his meeting at the hospital. Jack showered and shaved, dressed appropriately for a meeting with the hospital administrator and left. When he entered the administrator's office and found that the chief of surgery was also on hand he knew he was about to be reprimanded for what had happened during a surgery a few days ago.

"Jack have a seat." The administrator said and gestured toward the chair beside the chair the chief of surgery was sitting in.

Jack sat down, loosened his tie a little and relaxed back into his seat. He looked at both men for a moment and finally spoke.

"Look, I know I went a little crazy on one of the nurses the other day, but I did apologize to her and I make no excuses for my behavior other than it was a really busy day and I was overtired at that point." Jack offered.

"Jack, we didn't ask you to come in today to reprimand you. We asked you to come in today because we are concerned about you." The administrator told him.

"Concerned about me? Why?" Jack asked.

"Jack, we know that you have on two separate occasions had to step away from the table and talk yourself through a panic attack." The chief of surgery said.

"Yeah, I'm not sure where they're coming from, but it hasn't been that bad and I'm trained enough to recognize an anxiety attack." Jack defended himself.

"Are you taking any medications for it?" The administrator asked.

"No." Jack answered.

"Do you think that's the wisest choice?" The administrator asked.

"Look, I've had a lot on my plate lately and haven't been sleeping much, but that's all it is." Jack argued.

"And the incident this morning? Is that more added to your plate or was it already there?" The administrator asked.

"I'm sorry about that. I know it doesn't look good for the hospital, but the patient was critical and this hospital was the closest." Jack apologized.

"Don't apologize for trying to save a life Jack and the hospital isn't overly concerned about the gossip that is stemming from this, but Jack, how much is one man supposed to be able to handle before he snaps?" The administrator asked.

"What are you saying I mean why am I here? Are you firing me?" Jack asked.

"Firing you? Jack, it is the hospital's intentions to have you replace me eventually." The chief of surgery told him.

"I don't understand." Jack stated flatly because he honestly didn't understand what was going on.

"Jack, I have heard the stories you've been telling in the surgery suites. You have been through something none of us can even begin to imagine. Add that with the loss of your father, your divorce, suddenly having a toddler dropped in your lap and now you've got a newborn in the nursery with no mother. It's too much and we want you to take some time away from the hospital and get yourself together." The chief of surgery told him.

"Thanks, but I don't need time off. I need to work." Jack argued.

"Jack, it wasn't a suggestion, it was a direct order. We are placing you on medical leave. You'll be paid your full salary while you're off." The administrator told him.

"Why are you doing this to me? Do you really think that taking away my work is going to help?" Jack asked his voice desperate, feeling as though he'd failed at the one thing in life he'd always been better at than anyone.

"We're doing this Jack because we care about you and because we hope to have you in these hallways for many, many years, but at the pace you're going, we'll be burying you right beside…" The administrator stopped himself seeing Jack's eyes immediately go black, blank.

"If he were here Jack, he'd tell you the same thing. For all your differences, those of us that worked with both of you know how much he meant to you and vice versa. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you to deal with that loss on top of everything else, but you know if he were here today he'd tell you the same thing we're telling you." The chief of surgery pushed watching Jack become emotional, his father losing his medical license followed by his death something Jack had obviously not dealt with much less found closure with.

"Please don't drag my father into this, he has nothing to do with any of this. He was right though. I don't have what it takes. I'm about to lose everything I've worked so hard for." Jack said sadly.

"Jack, you do have what it takes and you aren't about to lose anything. You are one of the finest surgeons in this city. Do you really think we're just going to throw you away? All we want is for you to take a break. Go home, relax, get your life in order, take some time to deal with everything that happened to you on that island, take some time to say goodbye to you father, allow your mind some time to heal from the relentless shock it has endured." The administrator told him.

"How long?" Jack asked.

"As long as it takes Jack. You'll be seeing the staff psychologist once a week and when he says you've faced all your demons and made peace with them and that you're no longer in danger of completely breaking down, then you can come back to work." The administrator told him.

"I'm not crazy!" Jack yelled.

"Nobody is saying you are. Come on Jack, you're a trained physician, you know how fragile the human mind can be when it comes to stress and trauma so why on earth are you being so stubborn about this? Would you rather seek out temporary cures through alcohol or drugs and destroy everything in your life in the process or do you want this bad enough to do what we are asking, take care of yourself and come back to us as the man we used to know." The chief of surgery argued.

"Come back to everyone staring? Everyone talking about crazy Jack and how he cracked up and had to be sent away for his own good?" Jack seethed, angry that he was being forced to do what deep down he knew as in his best interest.

"No Jack, as far as the hospital staff is concerned you are taking a leave of absence and that's all they need to know. Besides, do you really think any of them wouldn't be sympathetic? They like you Jack and they all care, you should've seen this place when everyone thought you had died in that plane crash. You are always doing for everyone so now it's the hospital's turn to give that back to you." The administrator stressed.

"So I'm just supposed to hang out and knit until the shrink says I can come back?" Jack asked.

"No Jack, you are supposed to go home and deal with everything you have been through, get to know your daughter, figure out what you're going to do with that good looking boy in the nursery, stabilize your personal life and stabilize your traumatized mind. Can you do that Jack? Can you just learn to enjoy living again?" The administrator asked.

Jack started to relax, finally realizing they weren't trying to take his professional life away from, but were trying to save his career. They were right and he knew it, he'd come so close to going stark raving mad on that island numerous times and his experiences were affecting him, causing the panic attacks, keeping him from sleeping.

"Okay, I'll do this and I'll make a real effort to work with you on this, but you have to promise me you won't make me stay away any longer than is absolutely necessary." Jack agreed.

"Jack, we want you back as bad as you want to be here." The chief of surgery assured him.

"Well, my fiancée will be happy." Jack said softly.

"You're getting married?" The administrator asked.

"Yeah, I met her, we were stranded on the island together. She's the only reason I didn't put a bullet in my head while we were there." Jack admitted.

"Sounds like something you might want to spend some time focusing on then. I'm not even going to ask because it's none of my business, but if the woman that you're engaged to and the woman that died in the ER this morning after having your baby aren't the same woman, you've definitely got a lot going on in your personal life that needs your attention so use this time to do that Jack and that was advice from a friend, not your boss." The administrator told him.

"Thanks and thank you for trying to help me. I'm not very good at admitting defeat and certainly don't like to admit I might need help." Jack said shyly.

"You don't say?" The chief of surgery replied sarcastically.

Jack shook their hands and left the administrator's office. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and slowly made his way to the nursery to check on the baby, not really expecting to find anything when he got there, but certainly not expecting to find his mother standing at the glass looking in. He approached her slowly from behind, trying to shuffle his feet so he wouldn't startle her. She turned around, looked at him and then turned back to the window.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" Jack asked.

"I came to see you, but they told me you were in a meeting so I decided to stop by and see him. He looks just like you did." She said softly.

"You came to see me? What for?" He asked his tone defensive.

"Do I need a reason to come see my son?" She asked.

"What's going on mom? I'm having a really bad week and I'm not really in the mood to fight with you so could you just tell me whatever it is you came here to tell me?" He snapped.

"I came to apologize Jack, not just for what happened with Sarah, but for a lifetime of mistakes where you're concerned." She said.

"Mistakes? Mom, I think you have to actually pay attention to your child in order to make mistakes." Jack replied hatefully.

"Well Jack, I wanted to pay attention, dote over you, hold your hand and walk you to school every day, but you were your father's most prized possession and he didn't let the rest of us participate much." She admitted.

"His prized possession? I was his son, not a possession." Jack snapped.

"Jack I know you feel like you probably had the worst parents in the world, but make no mistake, your father and I loved you more than anything else in life." She told him.

"You know what mom, none of that matters. He's dead and frankly I'm ready to just put it all behind me, move on, live." Jack said, his tone calm, defeated.

"I followed the story about your island friend, what's her name, Kate?" She asked.

"Yes, Kate. What about it?" Jack asked immediately back on the defensive.

"Nothing Jack, I just think that you must really care a lot about her to have done all that you did. I was proud of you." She said.

"Mom, are we playing another game here? I don't understand what it is you want from me." Jack said his voice sounding desperate.

"No games Jack. When you walked out on me I realized how completely alone I was. How the only two things in my life that mattered were gone and it was my fault. So, I decided to find out why it is that I seem to hurt the people I love the most, why I felt the need to always take your father's side no matter what." She explained.

"Yeah, so what did you find out?" Jack asked softly.

"It doesn't matter Jack. The only thing that matters is that I work hard to get you back into my life and somehow earn your trust and I realized I was ready to take that step when I got a phone call from Sarah three days ago." She said.

"Sarah? What did she want?" He asked.

"What do you think she wants Jack? She wants her daughter." She told him watching his eyes immediately turn angry.

"What did you tell her?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"I told her she would have to talk to you about that." She told him.

"Great. Hell, why not. My life is so completely fucked up right now, why not add one more thing to pile." He sighed.

"Jack, you know I really hate that word." She nagged.

"I don't care mom. I'm so goddamn stressed out I feel like I might explode so you might want to stay out of earshot for awhile if you find my profanity offensive." Jack snapped.

"I know you have a lot on your plate son, but it's all going to work out and I plan on being on your side this time. I plan on becoming part of your life again or perhaps for the first time and helping you carry some of this load." She told him.

"What about Kate? Are you ready to make her part of your plan because if you aren't you might as well forget about everything else." Jack told her.

"I'm ready to get to know Kate. How does she feel about this baby?" She asked.

"She's been great about it. Most women probably would've kicked me to the curb, but not Kate. She takes care of Riley, loves her and is ready to do the same for this one if I decide to keep him." Jack said.

"Why wouldn't you keep him Jack?" She asked.

"Because I didn't love his mother, she was just a convenient stress reliever the night before I left to go find dad." Jack answered.

"Ah, I see. If you father were here, he'd tell you how painful it is to walk away from your mistakes." She told him.

"You know about that?" Jack asked.

"Jack, your father and I didn't have a perfect marriage, but I loved him and he, well he made some mistakes, but that's not the point." She said.

"What is the point?" He shot back.

"The point is do you really want someone else to raise your son Jack. Could you live with that and better yet, why would you want to when you have so much to offer." She pushed.

"There's more to life than money mom." Jack argued.

"Jack, I'm not talking about money. You are a wonderful person, kind and loving, always ready to go that extra mile for anyone. You will be the kind of father any child would be blessed to have." She stressed.

"Thanks mom, even if you don't mean it, if this is just another ploy to get something from me, it means a lot to me to hear that from you." Jack told her.

She approached him and hugged him tightly, kissed him on the cheek and backed away.

"It's not a ploy Jack and I do mean it and I know it will take awhile for you to trust me again after the incident with Sarah and that's okay, I don't deserve your love or your trust right now, but hopefully I'll earn it back. We may not have been close, but I always felt like you loved and trusted me and I abused that, badly. I don't know why I did it Jack, but I am sorry." She pleaded with him.

"Okay mom, apology accepted. Having Riley in my life these past few months has been incredible so I think it worked out okay. She makes me laugh, especially when I see myself in her stubborn behavior or watching her organize her blocks by size and color. Who does that?" Jack laughed.

"Actually you did, well they weren't blocks, but when you were about Riley's age you loved those little toy cars and you would line them up in perfectly straight lines by color and type. The little trucks in one line and the little convertibles in one line, you had quite a system." She laughed.

Jack smiled and gazed into the nursery window at the sleeping baby.

"I wonder if he'd like those little cars." Jack sighed.

"Jack, go home and talk to Kate and don't come back to this window until you've made your decision. I suspect you already have, that your heart is telling you what to do but that busy mind of yours is as usual, resisting and analyzing things to the point of confusion." She told him.

"Yeah, okay. We're getting married." Jack blurted out.

"Is that so? Well, then I guess you better start coming around so I can get to know Kate and maybe she'll let me help you plan your wedding." She offered.

"She's pregnant mom and I don't know if we'll get married before or after. Still want to be involved in the insanity that has become my life?" Jack asked.

"You know Jack, you've always been a planner, an organizer, a complete orderly neatness freak. I think getting a taste of life at its craziest and most unplanned looks good on you. Sometimes it really is just better to go with it, live in the day and not stress too much about tomorrow." She advised.

"So I've been told." He laughed.

"I do love you son and I'm very proud of you and I'm sorry about your father. I know that you miss him as much as I do, especially in these times. I think it's your turn to be the wise father with all the answers and you've got a lifetime of his advice to fall back on." She told him, tears filling her eyes and his.

He hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thank you mom, I needed this, need to know you're in my corner and that my children are going to have a grandmother that loves them regardless of how they got here. Are we really going to have that type of relationship mom?" Jack asked choking back his tears.

"Yes son we are, I promise, but I do have one request." She said.

"What's that?" He asked.

"That I'm allowed to spend time with them, that you'll trust me to be baby-sit, that I can buy things for them and not get that look from you." She said making him chuckle lightly.

"I have to run it by Kate, but it sounds doable, especially that baby-sitting part." He teased.

Jack walked his mother to her car and they said their goodbyes. He drove home thinking about their conversation, about the baby, about all the time he was going to have to spend with his quickly expanding family. He hoped Kate would be honest with him and tell him how she really feels about the baby and he hoped she'd be there when he got home, the need to see the two women in his life overwhelming at the moment.


	24. Chapter 24

Jack entered his home, pulling his tie off as he shut the door. He looked into the living room and could tell they were home. He listened and could hear noises coming from the master bedroom so he entered the room to investigate. They were in the bathroom. He could hear Kate talking to Riley and Riley babbling something incomprehensible to him back to her. The door was open so he walked into the bathroom, stepping on a pile of clothes. They were at the far end of the bathroom in the Jacuzzi tub, that was so deep all he could see was the top of Riley's head. He approached the tub and smiled at them. He squatted down, leaned in and kissed Kate.

"Hey." He said softly.

"Hey yourself, how are you?" She asked.

"I'm okay. I have a lot to tell you, but I'm okay." He said.

"Daddy kiss!" Riley demanded and reached out to him, her arms and hands covered in bubbles.

He took hold of her hands, leaned in and gave her a kiss.

"Daddy up!" Riley demanded, ready to get out of the bath now that her favorite person was home.

"Are you clean?" He asked.

"I keen." She answered and held her hands up for him to see.

"Those are some clean hands, but what about the rest of you? Did you wash your feet?" Jack asked in an ornery tone knowing the child would no doubt try to show him her feet.

Riley didn't disappoint. She attempted to lift her foot up out of the water, making herself fall. Jack caught her on the way down, laughing like he had needed to laugh all day.

"Jack, you are so rotten." Kate scolded.

"Come on Kate, it was funny." Jack argued and lifted his daughter out of the water.

"We're glad you're home. I told her she could take her nap after you got home so she might be a little cranky." Kate told him.

"It's good to be home. I'll take care of her, you go ahead and enjoy your bubble bath." He offered.

"You sure?" Kate asked.

"Positive. Just don't bother getting dressed or anything because as soon as she's down, we're taking a nap too." He said and winked at her.

"Do you plan on letting me sleep?" She teased.

He leaned in and kissed her passionately, finally pulling away before things got too heated.

"Hopefully you won't want to sleep, not for awhile anyway." He said softly, his tone sexy his eyes warm and loving.

"That sounds so good Jack, but I promised Nicole I would come and fix her hair as soon as you got home. She's got some "thing" she's going to and showed me a picture and asked if I could do it. I'll be back long before Riley wakes up though." She told him

"I guess if we move we're going to have to take Jennifer and her kids with us." Jack chuckled.

"We might." Kate said with a smile.

Jack wrapped a towel snugly around Riley, picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom. She felt a little warm to him so he dressed her in some panties and a light t-shirt and turned the air-conditioning down so she could rest. They sat in the chair in her bedroom and rocked. She sang the ABC song to him and he played a few rounds of patty cake with her, her perched in his lap on her knees, big eyes eagerly anticipating just one more round until he finally picked her up and held her above his head, making her giggle and squeal to be put down. He finally brought her down, held her close to his chest and whispered in her ear.

"I love you so much." He said and hugged her and kissed her.

"Go nite-nite daddy." Riley said laying her head on his chest, patiently waiting for him to hand her the puppy and blanket she refused to sleep without.

He stood, walked over to the bed, grabbed the blanket and puppy and returned to the chair. That she was asking to go to sleep concerned him a bit, making him think the slight fever she was running was could just be the calm before the storm. Kate popped her head in the door.

"I'm going to run over to Jennifer's. Need anything before I go?" She asked.

"Can you get me some of her Tylenol?" Jack asked.

"Is she sick?" Kate asked.

"She's warm and a bit listless. Hopefully it's just one of those gazillion viruses small children pick up." Jack said.

Kate left the room and returned with two chewable tablets. Riley chewed them up, took a drink of juice and snuggled back up into Jack's chest. Kate kissed her on the cheek and left the room. Jack rocked her until she fell asleep. He tucked her into her bed, kissed her on the forehead and left the room. He walked into his bedroom to change into something more comfortable. He walked back out into the living room, made himself comfortable on the couch, turned the television on and immediately fell asleep.

Kate returned to find the home extremely quiet. She walked into the living room and stopped. She could see Jack stretched out on the couch, but could only see the top of his head. ESPN was playing low on the television and he appeared to be asleep. She moved closer and sat on the heavy oak table that was in front of the couch. He was sleeping deeply. He wasn't wearing anything but a pair of shorts and had the remote control clutched in his right hand, resting on his upper thigh. She watched him sleep for a moment. The faint scent of his cologne was in the air between his sleeping body and her tired, yet slightly turned on body.

She watched his bare chest and stomach slowly move up and down as he breathed deeply in and out and she knew his skin would be warm to the touch because it always was. Her eyes moved to the crotch of his shorts. He had one ankle crossed over the other so his thighs were pressed together. The treasure that his shorts held was evident and seemed to be a nice, neatly bundled package just waiting for her to unwrap. He looked so sweet and unassuming, which made the desire to wake him up with a bang even stronger.

She kneeled beside the couch and touched him lightly. Just as she had expected his skin was warm and as she moved closer she became entranced by the pleasant aroma emitting from his skin as she gently nibbled and kissed on his neck making him stir lightly. He was still sleeping though so she continued to nibble lightly and kiss him gently.

"I love you." He mumbled quietly making her stop and pull back only to find he was still sleeping peacefully. He was talking in his sleep and could've been dreaming about any number of hot super models but she decided to assume he was dreaming about her. She smiled at him and continued to nibble on him, moving slowly down his bare chest and stomach. She stopped for a moment and looked back up at him. He appeared to still be sleeping and she couldn't think of a better way to wake him up so she slowly and gently unbuttoned and unzipped his shorts.

She placed her hand lightly over the front of his boxers and quivered some as she felt his soft, unsuspecting member lying beneath the material. When she reached in through the opening in the front of his boxers and wrapped her hand around the warm, soft, fleshy appendage, sleeping as peacefully as he was in its' soft nest she felt her crotch moisten and begin to ache for him. She carefully lifted him through the opening in his boxers and moved closer. She gently ran her wet tongue over his cock, taking a portion of it into her lips and encircling the head of it with her tongue trying to curb the urge to gobble as much of it into her mouth as she could. He began to squirm and she could feel him stiffening in her hand as she continued to gently work him over. He was becoming fully erect and she gave his balls a gentle squeeze and began taking him into her mouth, hungrily moving up and down over the shaft and continued running her tongue over the head and nibbling ever so slightly. He was fully aroused and the experience had left her in a fit of personal arousal, excited and eager, the need to feel him inside of her making her shake. She began taking him in as deep as she could in an attempt to satisfy her own hunger as well as satisfy him. Now wide awake and wanting to take control of the situation he placed a hand on her back and gently pulled her away from him. He pulled her toward him and kissed her passionately.

She was a shaking, trembling, bundle of bound up sexual energy and he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to calm her down.

"Would you like me to finish what you've started in our bed?" He asked in low, husky voice.

"I don't care where you finish it as long as it is soon." She replied in a breathy tone that made him chuckle lightly.

She was still trembling as he pulled them both up off of the couch. He stood in front of her, kissed her, pulled her in close and told her how incredible she was. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist as he lifted her off the floor and carried her into their bedroom. He laid her back on the bed and slowly removed her clothes in a teasing fashion that almost had her begging by the time he slid her panties off of her ankles. She could see his impressive erection the whole time he was undressing her, but he wouldn't let her touch him as he pushed her hands away each time she tried.

He positioned himself between her legs and looked down at her. He hovered over her without entering her and began kissing and gently moving his hot, wet tongue over her. He sucked her nipples into his mouth hard and gently bit on them making her squirm beneath him. He looked up at her and they made eye contact. She watched as he slowly ran his tongue over her nipples and arched her hips up toward him trying to get him to enter her. He pushed her hips back down and put two of his fingers in her mouth. She ran her tongue over his fingers and then moaned loudly when he slowly pushed them inside of her as far as they would go.

"You are so hot and wet. I can't wait to bury myself in there." He told her in low husky voice.

"What are you waiting for?" She asked almost panting.

"You're so worked up I'm almost afraid I won't make it out of there in one piece." He teased as his mouth continued to move over her.

She didn't answer him. She was shaking with desire and trusted him to give her what she needed. All she needed to do was relax and let him go and once he felt her relaxing he began the task of satisfying her immediate hunger. He moved his mouth and hands up and down the inside of her thighs and over the outside edges of her folds barely brushing her clit and pushing the approaching orgasm closer and closer to the edge. He continued on until he knew he had her teetering and then he brought his mouth down and delicately moved the very tip of his tongue over her swollen, screaming clit bringing the orgasm out of her in full force. Her body convulsed as she cried out and grabbed on to his head in a desperate attempt to hold onto something. He let her go for a few seconds and then began to pry himself loose from her grip. Having finally freed himself he moved up and wrapped his arms around her, calming her, and making sure she was okay.

She finally relaxed in his arms and he kissed her passionately. He pulled back and smiled at her as he worked himself between her legs. She could feel him slowly pushing his hard, throbbing cock inside of her while never taking his eyes away from hers. His stare making her feel like he could see right into her soul and her stomach jumped and quivered a little as he pushed himself all the way in and then pressed hard as he continued to look into her eyes. Still holding his position he brought his mouth to hers and kissed her hard and long, both their tongues slowly and sensuously working together in perfect rhythm. He pulled out of the kiss and continued to gaze into her eyes as he began to slowly move in and out. He stopped and smiled at her.

"I can't think of anything I would rather be doing than this. I could spend the rest of the day and night in bed with you." He said and kissed her.

"Mmm, I love horny Jack." She teased.

"Me? Seems like I was the one sleeping peacefully and you were the one that came in and started having your way with me." He teased back.

"Not my fault Jack, it should be illegal for a person to look that sexy when they're sleeping." She argued.

He chuckled and kissed her again. He pulled out of the kiss and moved his focus to satisfying both of them. The moment was as intense as anything she had ever experienced with him or any other man and he was intense as he moved in and out with deep hungry strokes, his soft eyes burning into hers the entire time. His hands clutching hers as the orgasms hit and he continued moving in and out of her through the orgasms, watching her face and telling her how beautiful she was. She felt his grip on her hands getting tighter and she knew he was almost finished. He maintained the burning eye contact with her until he had spilled his last drop inside of her and he finally let himself collapse forward, dropping his weight on his folded arms so he wouldn't crush her.

His breathing was slightly labored and he stayed where he was, allowing the muscles in his body to relax. He finally pulled himself up and out of her and rolled over onto his back. She snuggled up beside him, laying her head on his chest while he wrapped his arm around her and pulled the sheet over them with his free hand.

"Do you want to talk Jack?" She asked.

"We can, but I'd rather sleep." He said.

"I don't want to sleep Jack. Tell me about the baby. Is he okay?" She asked.

"He's good, good size and healthy. I took a picture. You want to see it?" Jack asked.

"Yes, of course." Kate answered excitedly.

Jack moved off the bed and found the discarded pants he'd been wearing earlier. He reached into the pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He brought it over to the bed where he snuggled up with Kate again. He flipped open the phone and showed Kate the close up shot he'd taken of the baby.

"He's so sweet Jack and he's got really big hands." Kate said.

"Yeah I noticed that too, long fingers. Maybe he's going to play piano some day." Jack offered.

"Or perhaps he'll just make the woman in his life very happy some day, just like his daddy." Kate teased making him laugh.

"Was that a compliment?" He asked.

"Ever heard me complain?" She said.

"Well yeah, I'm either not going fast enough or hard enough or soon enough." He laughed making her slap him on the arm.

"Don't listen to me when I'm being driven crazy by lust. You're wonderful." She said sweetly and kissed him.

"I always listen Kate, especially when it's crazy lust driven comments, god it's such a turn on." He said and kissed her.

The kiss lingered on both enjoying one another, able to appreciate how good it felt just to kiss and hold each other. They finally separated and relaxed in each other's arms again, him tossing the phone toward the nightstand, but missing and shrugging as he heard it hit the floor.

"So when are we bringing him home Jack?" Kate asked.

"Do you want to bring him home Kate? I want you to be honest." Jack said.

"I already told you how I feel about it Jack and I haven't changed my mind. It seems like you are the only one waffling on this and I don't really understand why. I mean I could understand you feeling one way or the other, but this back and forth, why are you doing this to yourself?" She asked.

"I guess I'm just scared Kate." He admitted.

"What are you afraid of Jack?" She asked.

"Everything. Hell Riley still scares me to death. I don't want to be a bad father or a mean father or ever make my kids feel like they're never good enough, but jesus Kate look at me, I can't help myself. I'm wound so tight, everything always has to be perfect and failure is unacceptable. I don't want to pass that on to my kids and this poor little guy has entered my life with me feeling like I failed on so many levels that how can I be sure I won't pass those feelings on to him. He doesn't deserve to grow up with anything but unconditional love. Do you think I'm capable of that?" He asked, his voice sad, his words coming from the heart. He truly was afraid he would turn into his father, that he would badger his kids no matter what they did, that he'd forget to praise when praise was deserved or even when it wasn't.

"Jack, are you seriously asking me of all people if you are capable of loving someone unconditionally?" Kate asked giving him her patented 'stop beating yourself up' look. He smiled at her.

"I've never had any problem accepting people as they are Kate, but is it as easy to do when it's your child or does that whole failure as a parent thing come into play? I just don't ever want my kids to feel like they have to do anything special to measure up, to please me, to feel worthy of my love. Will you promise to club me over the head with a bat if I ever do anything that would make them think otherwise?" Jack asked his eyes watery and pleading, a lifetime of hurt and betrayal pouring through in one look.

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.

"You are such an amazing person Jack Shephard and some day you too will be able to believe that, but until that day comes I promise to personally club you if you show any animosity toward your children because you are right, children deserved to be loved unconditionally which is why I'm in love with your daughter and plan to love your son just as much." She told him.

He kissed her deeply and rolled her onto back, staring into her eyes, the doubt, hurt and betrayal replaced by the love he felt for her.

"Can they just be our children instead of mine? We're about to have three kids underfoot and we need to be a family, no mine or yours, just ours. Let's start by naming this newest addition. Have anything in mind?" He asked.

"You want me to help you name him?" Kate asked.

"Well, I thought it would be nice if we named him together. You're going to be his mother and we both need to agree on one name. What do you say?" He asked.

"You don't want to make him a junior?" She asked.

"No, and if this one is a boy not him either. I want my kids to be individuals with their own names and the freedom to choose their own paths in life." He explained.

"Do you believe in God Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yeah of course, but not in the controls every aspect of my life kind of way, just in a something purer and better than anything we know, something that keeps us towing the line, doing the best we can to do what's right." He told her.

"What do you think of the name Matthew?" She asked.

"It's a nice, strong name for a boy. I like it." He answered.

"You know it means "God's Gift" and I kind of like looking at the way he's come into our lives as just that." She told him.

His eyes took on that watery look again, completely taken aback by how easily Kate could turn his mistake into something beautiful, something he should be grateful for and by suggesting his son was a true and purposeful gift from God, ensuring that Jack would never allow him to be treated as any less than that.

"I think it's perfect." He said and kissed her again.

They made love for the second time that afternoon and she was convinced that Jack had managed to take the passion to a whole new level, loving her slowly and patiently, softly reminding her of how much he loved her while describing in detail how every part of her he touched felt to him and what he planned on doing just before he did it. She was exhausted by the time they finished, but it was a blissful exhaustion, one she hoped to feel again and often. He rolled over onto his back and pulled her close, allowing her to get comfortable and then covering them with the comforter.

"Has Riley been feeling okay today?" He asked.

"Yeah, why?" She asked.

"She was just so lethargic this afternoon and had a fever. I just wondered if she had any other symptoms." He said.

"No, she was fine all day, but I hear from all the other mommies that they get sick really fast." Kate offered.

"Where have you been hanging out with the other mommies?" He chuckled.

"The park is full of them and they are experts, every single one of them. Did you know Riley is small for her age and that I should be trying to teach her to read?" Kate asked and laughed.

"Yeah there's a plan, let's teach her read before she learns to talk. Oh, and she is a little girl, I'm kind of glad she's not built like a linebacker." Jack replied sarcastically not happy that some prissy know-it-all dared to find fault with his perfect little girl.

"You're so cute, getting all defensive. I think you're probably going to be pretty good at this dad thing." Kate told him.

They talked for a few more minutes, him not mentioning the plans he made with Sawyer or the meeting with the hospital administrators or the meeting with his mom. It was too much to talk about all at once and he was tired, just wanted to enjoy his afternoon with Kate and eventually fall asleep.

Kate slept with him for about 45 minutes and decided she really wasn't as tired as she thought. She eased herself out of his clutches, dressed and exited the bedroom, closing the door so he could sleep until he was ready to wake up, but he wouldn't get to do that as his concerns about Riley would be validated and wake him up long before he was ready.

He could remember fighting the fog, so tired his brain slow to recover, hearing Kate's pleas and Riley's cries, but not quite sure if it was real or a dream. He finally pushed through and opened his eyes. He sat up startled and confused.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"She's really sick Jack, you've got to get up and get dressed." Kate told him.

He looked beside him and Riley lay curled up in a ball, face flushed with fever, listless and whimpering. Jack reached for her, picked her up and cradled her in his arms.

"What's the matter baby girl?" He asked sweetly, noticing immediately how hot her body was against his bare skin.

"No talk daddy." She whined.

"Did you take her temperature?" Jack asked.

"Yes, just now, it's 104.6. She's pulling on her ear and crying that her throat hurts." Kate told him.

Jack tried to get the little girl to lay flat across his lap so he could feel her neck and try to get a peek at her throat but she would have not part of it, screaming and refusing to uncurl her body from the safety of his arms.

"Okay baby, go see Kate and let daddy get dressed." Jack said and handed Riley to Kate.

"No Kate! Daddy hold!" Riley screamed too sick to put up much of fight.

"Shh, it's okay sweetie. Daddy will hold you as soon as he gets dressed." Kate said softly, cradling the child, kissing her forehead and pushing her hair away from her face.

Kate walked around the bedroom with her waiting for Jack to get dressed. By the time Jack exited the closet, Riley was asleep in Kate's arms and he wasn't about to disturb her. He put his sneakers on and had Kate sit on the bed while he put her sneakers on for her, not wanting to wake Riley if it could be helped.

"Where are we going Jack?" Kate asked.

"Emergency room." Jack said as he helped her stand back up.

"What do you think it is?" Kate asked.

"The way she's tugging on that ear I'd guess that it's infected and who knows what else. She's too hot and too miserable to try to get through until tomorrow though so let's take her in, get her taken care of." Jack offered in his calm, clinical tone.

When they put Riley in her car seat she woke up and cried all the way to the hospital. Kate sat in the back seat with her and tried to comfort her and Jack remained quiet, trying to act like her cries weren't getting to him. He walked into the ER for the second time that day and the nurses looked at him, looked at the sick child he was carrying and escorted him to an exam room to get the information they needed without putting him on display for the staff members that might walk by.

Riley clung to him, crying and fighting while a nurse tried to get her temperature and a pulse. She was almost settled again when a young ER doctor walked in. Jack recognized him. He was an intern and a bright intern, but this was his child and it made him uncomfortable.

"Are there not any residents working the ER this afternoon?" Jack asked.

"Yes, but it's a slow time so they're having their dinner break. I'll do a good job Dr. Shephard and if I don't, well, you'll be right here to make sure I don't screw up. Right?" The young doctor assured him.

"Right, but this really wouldn't be a good time to screw up." Jack warned.

"I won't. Can you put her on the table so I can examine her?" The doctor asked.

Jack put Riley on the table, but she kicked and screamed and cried and eventually ended up in Jack's lap again. Kate stood back watching, concerned about Riley, but slightly amused at how she could turn that big, strong, no nonsense father of hers into a pile of mush.

"You're just going to have to do your thing from here. "I'll hold her head while you look in her ears." Jack offered.

Jack held the left side of Riley's face to his chest while the young doctor examined her right ear.

"That one is clear." The doctor said.

Jack turned Riley and held the right side of her face to his chest. She screamed as soon as the instrument entered her ear.

"Oh yeah, that one is full of fluid and very inflamed. Let's get a look at the throat now." The doctor said.

Jack held Riley's head in-between his hands, holding just tight enough to keep her from moving it suddenly. The doctor finally managed to get his light into her mouth long enough to see how red her throat was.

"Throat culture?" Jack asked.

"Yeah and it's not going to be easy to get it. Maybe I should go get Dr. Reynolds." The young doctor suggested.

Jack looked at him, the doctor in him knowing it wouldn't matter who did it, that she was going to throw a fit and it would hurt a little bit.

"No, I think you can handle it. Come on, let's get it over with." Jack told him.

Jack pried the child's mouth open while the young doctor swabbed the back of her throat. She gagged and cried, but was over it quickly.

"Good job." Jack told him.

"Thank you Dr. Shephard. Um, I'm going to run this through the lab just so we'll know for sure if we're dealing with a strep infection, but she's definitely got an ear infection so we need get her started on an antibiotic." The doctor explained.

"Why is it important that we know whether or not it is strep?" Jack asked in a professional, training tone, not a curious father tone.

"Dr. Shephard you know why do you really want me to explain?" The doctor asked.

"I'm not Dr. Shephard, I'm a terrified parent. What's the big deal about knowing whether or not it's strep?" Jack pushed.

"It is rare, but sometimes strep can lead to more serious illnesses and having the prior knowledge would be beneficial in quickly diagnosing a more serious illness if that were to occur. The odds of that happening are extremely small, but it is always best to know everything we can in advance, especially when dealing with small children." The doctor explained.

"Excellent. Now how about a prescription so we can get out of here." Jack said.

"Sure. You should give her ibuprofen instead of acetaminophen, it will help manage the pain a little better and bring the fever down quicker. I'll have a nurse bring her some and I'd like to go ahead and give her a shot to get the antibiotics started. That ear is pretty bad." The doctor explained.

"Okay, anything else?" Jack asked, impressed with the young intern so far.

"No, just rest and fluids. Can I ask you something Dr. Shephard?" The doctor asked.

"Sure." Jack said.

"Is it true that you're leaving?" He asked getting all of Kate's attention.

Jack looked at Kate and then back at the doctor and sighed heavily.

"I'm not leaving for good. I'm taking some time off that's all." Jack answered avoiding Kate's questioning eyes.

"That's good to hear. I'll write up these orders for the nurse and I hope your daughter is feeling better soon." He told him.

"Thanks." Jack said and watched the doctor leave the room.

He turned to Kate who stood with arms folded across her chest, waiting for an explanation.

"What?" He asked even though he knew the answer.

"What's going on Jack?" She asked.

"I really don't want to talk about it right now Kate." He said.

"Why not? We have nothing but time at the moment." Kate said.

"They sent me home on medical leave, making me see a shrink. I can't come back until they say I can." Jack mumbled obviously embarrassed and a little ashamed.

"Jack, why do you do this?" Kate asked in an aggravated tone.

"Do what?" He asked his aggravation matching hers.

"Keep everything to yourself!" She snapped.

"I wasn't keeping it to myself, it was just one of many things that happened today that I haven't got around to sharing yet." He defended himself.

"That's not what I'm talking about Jack! You are obviously dealing with so much shit that it is affecting your work, so much so they had to force you out for your own good. You and I are never going to work Jack if you continue to keep me up on a shelf like some goddamn porcelain doll that you just want to take down and admire once in awhile but won't share your life with!" She yelled scaring Riley and making her bury her face in Jack's chest.

"Can we do this later? You're freaking her out. I am overwhelmed by your compassion for the situation though." Jack said sarcastically.

"What? You don't think I don't want to hug you and tell you I'm sorry and that everything will be okay? I do, but if I do that, you will just go back into your shell, thinking the way you choose to shut me out is okay and it's not." She continued, lowering her voice for Riley's sake.

"What do you want from me Kate? Do you want me to share all my bad dreams with you? Tell you how I lie awake at night reliving things I'm so ashamed of I can't find a way to let them go? Tell you that I bury myself in my work because it is the only time my mind gets a break from any of it? Admit to you that there I times I resent that these children have been dropped in my lap so you can find me as despicable as I find myself?" He seethed through clenched teeth, angry but at no one person or thing in particular.

"Yes Jack, that is exactly what I want from you. You don't have to come home every day and pretend to be happy if you aren't. You don't have to protect me from the things you are feeling, experiencing or thinking. Do you think you are the only person that feels overwhelmed by their responsibilities, including their children? What other surprises do you have waiting for me Jack? Why is it, you come home and instead of sharing your day with me, want nothing more than to jump my bones and damn you, why are we having this fight again so soon. I want to be more to you than a play thing Jack." Kate told him, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Kate, that is just who I am. I don't burden other people with my shit. It has nothing to with you or how I view you or your contribution to this relationship. I'm sick of having this fight too. How about I just leave you alone and when you feel the need for sex where it won't make you feel like a play thing just let me know because I'm tired of defending my intentions where you are concerned. What are your intentions Kate? Are you we going to go down this road every time I don't feel like talking? Hell, I'm all for you getting mad and demanding better from me, but I'm sick of apologizing for loving you and wanting you." He snapped.

"You know what Jack, I think we just need to cool it, take some time away from each other. I can't do this with you. You're either going to open up and include me or you're going to move on without me because you seem to prefer being alone over sharing you life with someone." Kate said.

"So what? You're leaving? Things aren't easy so you're just going to run away? I've already told you how I feel about that. If you leave, don't plan on coming back. If what I have to offer isn't good enough then please, go now because I won't go through that again, just let me know where to send the child support payments." He said with so much hatefulness, real hatefulness that actually reflected in his eyes this time making her react before she could think and slap him across the face.

"I'm sorry Jack, I……" She started to apologize but he put his hand up stopping her in mid-sentence.

"I probably deserved that and I'd rather you stand up and put me in my place then watch you walk away. You don't like things the way they are then fight with me, yell at me, hell kick me in the head if that's what it takes because I'll always respect that. Understand this though, I will watch you walk away if I have to because I don't ever want to live a lie again. If you are unhappy go and do so with my blessing, but if you don't mean it, if you're just trying to rattle me, stop it because I won't go there Kate, not ever again. The next time you threaten to leave, I will pack your bags for you. Are we clear on that once and for all?" He explained his tone cold and unfeeling, all of his defenses up, protecting himself from allowing his heart to be ripped out again.

"I really need to not be in this room with right now Jack. What floor is the baby on? I want to go see him." Kate stated flatly.

"He's on the 4th floor. Go ahead, I'll come and get you when we're done here." Jack told her.

Kate left the room, found an elevator and made her way up to the 4th floor. She was angry and confused and unsure. Jack was right about her need to run when things became difficult. She'd been doing it for so long it was second-nature to her. She couldn't help but wonder if his moody, loner personality and her instinct to run would end up ruining what was otherwise the healthiest relationship she'd ever been in.

She loved him too much to give up though. He was a mess, a bigger mess than she would've imagined, but she couldn't shake the unsettling feeling that this was the first time in his life anyone cared that he was a mess and the idea that he'd been that alone emotionally for this long brought tears to her eyes. The ugly fight they just had helped her to understand him a little better though. He wasn't shutting her out because he didn't want to share, he does it because he doesn't know how to lean on anyone, doesn't even know where to start, but she was determined to teach him or go mad trying.

She stood behind the glass of the nursery window watching the baby cry. There were no other babies in the nursery and it made her sad to see him all alone while the other babies were probably with their parents, being held and loved. One of the nurses inside the nursery saw her standing there and walked out into the hallway to talk to her.

"Are you a relative of the Shephard baby?" She asked.

"I'm Jack's fiancée." Kate told her shocked at how easily she shared that and how good it felt to say it out loud.

"Oh." Was all the nurse could manage.

"It's okay, this, the situation that led to this little guy being here happened before I met him. Why is he all by himself in there?" Kate asked.

"The other babies are with the mothers. It's feeding time. So, what do you think of him? He looks a lot like his father I think." She said.

"You know Jack?" Kate asked.

"Yes, I've know Dr. Shephard for years. He's a good man. When he would be having a bad day he liked to come down to the nursery and hold one the babies. Of course, he always had to wait until he was sure no one was watching, so I always steered clear and let him have his moment of peace." She confided in Kate.

"Has he held him? Has anyone held him?" Kate asked.

"No, we offered to let him come in while we were cleaning him up and checking his vitals, but he refused. Would you like to hold him?" The nurse asked.

"Can I?" Kate asked.

"Of course as long as you don't mind feeding him while you do it." She said with a smile.

"I'd love to." Kate told her and followed her into the nursery.

Jack sat in the exam room with Riley who was restless, the ear and throat pain making her miserable. A nurse came in with two hypodermics and Jack knew Riley wasn't going to be happy about this.

"What's in the other one?" Jack asked the nurse.

"Just a little something for the pain so she can rest, let's put her on the table so I can give her the injections." The nurse said.

"Can't you just do it from here? She's going to scream and fight both of us if I try to put her down." Jack reasoned.

"Come on Dr. Shephard you know in order for me to get these safely into her hip you're going to have to put her on the table and hold her down. You'll survive it I promise." The nurse said smiling at him.

Jack sighed and stood with Riley. He laid her on the table and she kicked and screamed and fought him the whole way. He got her positioned so the nurse could safely give her both shots and held her down, the pitch of her screams increasing with each injection. When the nurse was done he picked her up and held her to his chest. She was more angry than hurt and settled down quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.

"She's adorable Dr. Shephard. I hope she feels better soon." The nurse told him and left the room

The doctor returned a few minutes after the nurse left and handed him a prescription for antibiotics. Jack borrowed a blanket from the room, put it over Riley and walked with her to the hospital pharmacy to fill the prescription. She was sleeping soundly by the time the prescription was filled, the pain medication doing its job. He found the nearest elevator and headed up to the nursery to find Kate. He didn't see her in the hallway so he walked over to the windows to see if the baby had been moved, his eyes immediately drawn to the scene in the nursery. He stood outside the window and watched becoming emotional and not sure why other than he'd had such a shitty day and seeing this seemed to make it all a distant memory. Kate sat in the nursery in a rocking chair, with the baby curled up on her chest, her eyes closed and patting his back lightly.

He stood and watched her with the baby while his other baby slept on his shoulder and he thought about what his life was like before he'd left for Australia, before Kate and Riley came into his life and he knew he didn't want to go back to that. He had to try harder. He had to stop isolating himself. He had no reason to do that. He had everything right now and needed to work hard to make sure he didn't lose it because he knew he'd never survive that.

Kate opened her eyes and looked at him. He smiled at her and she smiled back. He watched her kiss the baby on the forehead and gently put him back in his little bed. She walked out into the hallway and approached him. He wrapped his free arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm going to do better Kate, I promise, but you will probably have to keep reminding me." He said.

"I'm going to do better too Jack and work hard at losing the instinct to threaten you with the thing that hurt you so deeply." She offered.

"So, what do you think of him?" Jack asked.

"He's beautiful and he needs to cuddled and loved. We need to take him home Jack." She said.

"They like to keep newborns for at least 36 hours, so I guess we can bring him home tomorrow if all goes well." Jack said.

"So what do you think of Tanner Matthew. He looks like a Tanner to me." Kate said.

"I like it and I love you and when we get home we're going to get Nicole to come baby sit and I'm taking you out to dinner so I can tell you about the rest of my day." He told her.

"Should we leave her Jack? She's awfully sick." Kate said.

"They gave her a couple of shots. She'll sleep for hours and once the antibiotic kicks in will start improving. She'll be fine." Jack assured her.

"Do you want me to take her so you can go in and hold him?" Kate asked.

"No, she needs me worse than he does at the moment. We can come back after dinner if you want." He said.

"They won't care if visiting hours are over?" Kate asked.

"No, they really don't enforce that rule much in hospitals these days except in ICU, besides I think I still have a little pull around here." He teased.

"I'm really sorry about that Jack, I know how much your job means to you. I think it's probably the best thing for you though." Kate said, his arm still wrapped snugly around her and hers wrapped around his waist as they slowly made their way to the elevator.

"It's probably the best thing for all of us." Jack suggested making Kate smile.

They exited the hospital still wrapped around each other with Riley sleeping peacefully on his shoulder, ready to fight for their relationship and ready to tackle whatever obstacles were ahead, which Jack already knew was most likely going to be a nasty custody battle with Sarah.


	25. Chapter 25

Jennifer looked through the peephole in her front door and laughed lightly at the sight of Jack holding Riley, his face revealing the 40 different emotions he appeared to experiencing. She opened the door and smiled at him.

"Hey Jennifer, I don't suppose Nicole is available?" Jack asked.

"I'm sorry Jack, Nicole has plans. Kate fixed her hair for her and I paid a small fortune for the dress she's wearing. Can I help?" Jennifer offered.

"I need a babysitter in the worst way. I need some time alone with Kate." Jack said, his voice pleading.

"I can baby sit Jack if you two want some adult time." Jennifer said, smiling at him, his cheeks growing warm when he realized she thought he needed a couple of hours for sex.

"No Jennifer it's not that. Apparently sex is the only thing I've managed to make time for." He sighed.

"Come in Jack and put her down. She looks like she's completely wiped out." Jennifer said as she escorted him into her home.

Jack carried Riley over to the couch where Jennifer busied herself making a small bed up for her. With a pillow and blanket in place, Jack lay the sleeping child down and covered her with the blanket.

"She's got an ear infection and probably strep, but they gave her a couple of shots at the hospital and she should sleep for awhile, maybe even the rest of the night." Jack explained.

"You've been back to the hospital this afternoon? You poor thing, you have had your fair share of craziness that's for sure." Jennifer sympathized.

"Yeah and things are about to get crazier. I guess we're planning on bringing the baby home with us within the next day or two." Jack admitted.

"So he's okay?" Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, he's a beautiful, healthy boy." Jack said a hint of guilt in his voice.

"Jack, you did everything you could." Jennifer said.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I got her pregnant and then watched her die delivering the baby. Kasey was a total nut job, but she probably didn't deserve to die. Makes everything real convenient for me though huh?" Jack said.

"Well yes Jack it does, but it's not like you planned it." Jennifer reasoned.

"No, but I'm not exactly remorseful over it either Jennifer. I'm more relieved than sorry and there's got to be something at least morally wrong with that, but that's just how I feel." Jack admitted.

"So you're human Jack. Most of us have always suspected as much. I can't wait to see him. Does he have a name?" Jennifer asked.

"Kate wants to name him Tanner Matthew." Jack answered.

"What about you Jack? What do you want to name him?" Jennifer asked, his detached tone concerning her.

"I don't care whatever Kate wants is fine." Jack mumbled.

"Jack, let me watch Riley for you while you have some alone time with Kate? Do you want me to keep her all night?" Jennifer asked.

"You don't mind? I'd like to her out for a nice dinner and then we'd like to go by the hospital and spend a little time with the baby. I'd love to be able to get a suite in a 5-star hotel, pamper her, treat her like she's the only thing in life that matters, most importantly talk to her before I end up running her off too." Jack said sadly.

Jennifer had been the one person Jack had confided in during his divorce. It had been so hard on him and she could tell he was afraid of losing Kate, so afraid he was willing to leave his sick child for the night.

"Just leave me her medicine Jack and keep your cell phone handy just in case. She will be fine. I've dealt with plenty of ears and throats and they bounce back as quickly as they go down. Go and have your evening with Kate and your son and do take some time to talk to her Jack. I bet you haven't told her what you just told me about how you feel about Kasey dying, have you?" Jennifer asked.

"No. I guess I'm afraid she'll hate me or be disgusted with me." Jack admitted.

"Jack, that girl loves you more than anything else in this world. You would have to do something pretty hideous to change that. She is a strong, intelligent woman that can handle anything you have to tell her. She doesn't have ridiculous expectations for how you should or shouldn't behave or especially how you should feel. People, all people, have the right to feel however they feel without being chastised for it. She gets that Jack. She's real and there's nothing about yourself you could tell her that would repulse her. She loves you just as unconditionally as you love her. Why can't you see that?" Jennifer pleaded with him.

"I'm trying and thanks." Jack said.

"For what?" Jennifer asked.

"For everything, you've been a good friend to me and to Kate and Riley loves coming over here. I guess when I go house hunting I better look for two empty houses side by side huh?" Jack teased with a shy grin.

"Actually Jack, I've been looking at a house in a new housing addition about 15 miles from here. If you're serious about moving I'll give you the brochures. It's a beautiful area, large lots, room for the kids to play." Jennifer told him.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I'm going to have to move. There's no way we can stay here with three kids." Jack said.

"Three kids?' Jennifer asked.

"Yeah, Kate is pregnant. Crazy huh? Kasey's baby will be about six months old when this one arrives." Jack chuckled.

"Kasey's baby?" Jennifer asked.

"You know what I mean." Jack said.

"Yes Jack, you are coming through loud and clear. You're a smart man, a compassionate man and I'm going to trust in that and mind my own business. Now go, have some time with Kate." Jennifer pushed.

Jack walked back to his condo feeling a little less stressed and wondered why he couldn't bring himself to share things with Kate as easily as he does with Jennifer. He shook his head and wondered at what point in his life he'd become such a head case. He entered his home and tossed his keys on the bar in the kitchen. He called out to Kate, but got no answer so he walked into the bedroom. He could hear the water from the shower in the bathroom and started to leave the room, but then decided he too could use a shower. He quickly stripped out of his clothes, walked into the steamy bathroom, opened the glass door and stepped inside. Her back was to him so he gently eased in behind her, wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered in her ear "Guess who?"

"Hmmm…..is it Max?" Kate teased.

"Who the hell is Max?" Jack asked.

"You know, that cute, young man that maintains all the landscaping around the property." Kate told him.

"Yeah, well if he's been maintaining anything in this unit I'll cut his dick off with his gas powered edger." Jack stated and pushed himself closer to her making sure she could feel all of him.

"Mmmm…….Jealous Jack is kind of a turn on. Care to wash my back?" Kate asked.

He turned her around to face him.

"I want to wash all of you." He said in a low sexy tone.

Jack made good on his desire and washed every square inch of her, including her hair, gently massaging her scalp with his strong hands and gently spreading the body wash over her, soaping her up and then holding the spray nozzle over her skin, watching the soap wash away, revealing soft, glistening skin that longed for his touch. He pulled her close and kissed her, the water streaming over their heads, their bodies pressed tightly together in a passionate embrace, holding onto each other, the warmth, togetherness and oneness comforting, the desire to express their love for each other clouding both their minds.

She breathed heavily into his mouth, grinding her hips into his, his fingertips able to feel the slight quivering that shot through her body as she did it. His kiss intensified as his hold on her grew stronger, his mouth moving over hers and then away, over her neck, slowing and nipping the need to taste her, all of her, slowly tasting every inch, and leaving subtle and not so subtle reminders that he had been there behind. The love he felt for her was the most intense emotion he'd ever experienced, so much so it brought a painful lump to his throat, made it difficult to breathe and impossible for him to speak or express in any intelligent manner what he was feeling. He had to rely on his touch, his kisses, his physical expression to relay what was in his heart and on his mind and hope that he was getting through fully understanding what it meant to feel something so overwhelming it left you speechless.

He had stopped kissing her and tasting and biting her while allowing himself to experience the emotions coursing though his veins, not realizing he was staring at her or perhaps realizing and trying to share what he was feeling through his intense stare. It wasn't possible for Kate to completely understand everything he was feeling through a look, but they shared enough of a connection that she knew he was expressing his love for her, showing her through his eyes what he couldn't verbalize, his emotions having left him mute. She pulled herself closer to him, hugging him, kissing his neck and nibbling on his ear. He closed his eyes, his mouth close to her ear, holding her in his arms, not wanting to let go.

"You are the best thing in my life Kate, don't ever doubt that." He whispered in her ear.

Kate responded by gyrating over him, letting him know she wanted him. His current desires weren't of an animalistic nature and pinning her against the wall and taking her wasn't appealing to him. He wanted to be sweet and gentle with her. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, arms wrapped over his shoulder and around his neck, kissing him longingly as he groped for the shower handle to shut the water off. Having shut the water off he opened the door and carefully stepped out of the shower, their mouths still locked together, her wrapped so tightly around him the image of a little Koala bear gripping tightly to a tree flashed through his mind briefly. He walked them over to the bed and set her down on it, prying her hands loose from behind his neck.

She looked into his eyes and smiled, both of them were dripping wet, the comforter on the bed would be wet where she sat. He didn't care. He motioned for her to scoot back onto the bed and followed, positioning himself between her legs and entering her, twitching involuntarily as a loud moan escaped from her mouth. He made love to her slowly, never intensifying the pace, bringing her to slow, warm, flooding orgasm after orgasm, making her relax and enjoy it. No screaming, no pounding into her like a jack hammer, just slow steady strokes that had turned her entire body to mush, made her putty in his hands and eventually made her cry, understanding through the physical attention he was showering her with what he couldn't verbalize. When he finished, he kissed her tears away and finally moved off of her, lying on his back and pulling her close to him, their bodies and the bed damp from a combination of the shower and their lovemaking.

"You're the best thing in my life too Jack." Kate said softly.

He didn't respond except to tighten his hold on her. She snuggled into to his embrace and they lay quietly until they became chilled and decided to dress and go out to dinner. They sat side by side in a booth in the restaurant, sharing an appetizer. He wanted her to wear the black dress he had bought her and take her some place where eating dinner was turned into a 2 hour event, but Kate wanted no part of it so they settled for a one of the nicer family style restaurants where they could snuggle like teenagers and eat with their fingers if they wanted to.

"Do you think Riley is okay Jack?" Kate asked.

"She's fine. Jennifer would call if she wasn't. She'll probably sleep until morning." Jack answered.

"I would feel better if we stayed in our own bed tonight Jack. I don't need you to pamper me anymore tonight. In fact, I don't think my heart could take it." Kate said and giggled.

"We'll decide after we're done at the hospital." Jack said his tone quiet, detached almost moody.

"Are you okay Jack? You seem distracted." Kate said.

"Sarah's back." Jack said flatly.

"What?" Kate said.

"I saw my mom today, she told me Sarah called and wants Riley back." Jack said.

"Jesus Jack, you've had one hell of a day." Kate commented.

"Tell me about it. It's ridiculous. My life has become ridiculous and I have to get it back in order." Jack complained.

"So would you like to fill me in on how you plan on doing that?" Kate asked.

"Well, I'd like to start by us getting married. Have whatever kind of wedding you want as long as it's soon. Please." Jack said.

"Afraid if you don't latch on I'm going to run off?" Kate teased her smile fading when she saw he wasn't amused.

"I just want to get married Kate and don't see any reason to drag it out unless you want to of course. We need to get you in to see an obstetrician, make sure you and the baby are okay. We need to find a house or have one built and get Riley settled once and for all. I also need to figure out what I'm going to do about Sarah." Jack said.

"Is there realistically anything you can do about Sarah?" Kate asked.

"I'm not sure I'd even want to. My initial reaction was of course to be stubborn and fight her with everything I've got to keep her from having anything to do with Riley because I'm pissed off at her for leaving her the way she did, but for all her faults she is Riley's mother and what right do I have to deny Riley the right to have her mother in her life?" Jack said.

"I agree." Kate said.

"You do?" Jack asked shocked at how easily she'd gone along with it.

"Jack, I love Riley and will be whatever she will let me be in her life, but she needs to know who her real mother is good or bad and I suspect Sarah's not all bad or you never would've married her in the first place." Kate offered.

"I hate the idea of Riley being shuffled from one house to another and caught in the middle of the "it's your weekend or it's my holiday" crap. I just hope we can find a way to be friendly and just share her, not turn her into a rope in a cruel tug-of-war game." Jack sighed.

"I hope you two can find a reasonable resolution too, allow her to be stable in one home, one school, one group of friends and visit the other parent when it wouldn't conflict with those things." Kate offered.

"I've really made a mess of things Kate. I've involved you and innocent children, but I'm going to do the best that I can to make things right, to stabilize us and hopefully a long and happy life together. I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands so I might as well use it to get my shit together." Jack said.

"Jack, you think you're the only person whose life gets a little crazy? Don't do anything rash. If you want custody of your daughter then you should fight for it. If you don't then that's okay too." Kate said.

"Of course I want custody of her Kate, but not at her expense. God, I love coming home to that little face looking up at me, she's easily one of my best accomplishments so far and hell I really haven't done anything to deserve that claim to fame, but I'd love to have the opportunity to earn it." Jack explained.

Jack and Kate finished their meal and drove to the hospital. They entered the nursery and Jack talked with one of the nurses for a long time. Jack took Kate by the hand and they walked to an empty patient room. A few minutes later a nurse wheeled the baby into the room with them. Jack sat on the bed and watched Kate feed him and burp him, impressed at how naturally she had taken to mothering, not something he ever would've assumed about her while on the island. He knew she was full of compassion for other people, but he'd never considered this side of her whether that was from a lack of interest or most likely a fear of dreaming about a life that so far had been out of his reach.

Kate held the baby out for Jack to take. He resisted at first, but finally took the baby into his arms, hoping that what he was supposed to feel for him was going to come gushing out of him, that he would immediately fall in love with his son and never want to put him down, that his heart would skip a few beats the way it did every time he held his daughter. He held his son tightly waiting and hoping for those feelings to surface, but they didn't and he felt guilt and remorse and the weight of the day all at once and when he looked up at Kate, she saw the first of what would be many tears escape down his cheek.

She didn't have to ask what was wrong, she could see the pain in his eyes, the look of failure and disgust with himself and she felt her own tears forming, not because she knew they wouldn't be bringing the baby home with them, but because he was crumbling in front of her, beating himself up because he couldn't feel what he was supposed to feel, his mind unable to take anything more.

She watched as he dropped his head in shame, his shoulders bobbing up and down as he sobbed and she let him go, made no attempt to comfort him because he didn't need comfort, he needed to get it out of his system and then accept his final decision because the decision would ultimately be in the best interest of the baby and that was all that mattered.

He would eventually accept that what he was about to do was the mature thing to do, that trying to force yourself to feel things you can't would be wrong and hurtful for everyone involved. That this innocent child was conceived under circumstances he needed to put behind him and move past and could never hope to do so with a constant reminder of the hate and rage he was capable of staring back at him across the dinner table for the next 18 years.

She watched him settle down some, compose himself and kiss the baby's head, holding him close to him, obvious that he cared, that what he was about to do was tearing him apart, but something he believed was the best for everyone involved and she wasn't going to argue with him or try to talk him out of it. It had to be Jack's decision and she was ready to support him whatever the decision.

She couldn't even begin to imagine the turmoil in his heart and his mind, but she knew what kind of man he was and believed it was one of the most difficult things he would ever face. She wanted to be with him, but felt like maybe he needed some privacy too, not really sure where her place should be at the moment.

"Jack, would you like me to leave you alone for a little while?" Kate asked.

He looked up at her, eyes bloodshot and swollen, his face displaying the anguish he was experiencing.

"No. Just please don't hate me for what I'm about to do. I can't Kate, I can't….." He tried to explain breaking down again before he could finish what he was trying to say.

Kate moved closer to him and hugged him, reassuring him, not asking him to stop, but allowing him to be weak and vulnerable and torn and sad and anything else he needed to feel. She hurt for him and wished she could do something, anything to make him feel better. He finally pulled away from her, sitting up straight and kissing the baby on the head again. He pulled the blanket back a little gently caressed the baby's cheek with his finger. He then slipped his finger into one of the baby's hands until he gripped it, making Jack's breath hitch for a moment before he began talking to him.

"You are beautiful and perfect and don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise. I am sorry I can't be your dad, but it isn't because I don't love you. I am doing this because I do love you, and care about you and don't want my demons to suffocate you, hold you back, make you feel like you aren't the most special person in the world because you deserve to always believe you are wanted and loved and special. I promise I won't just turn you over to anyone though. There's a guy, an attorney, and he's got a big stack of folders for me and Kate to look through and make sure we find the right parents for you and you are going to be so lucky because they are going to want you more than anything else in life and that is what you deserve."

Jack continued to speak softly to the baby stopping at times to catch his breath and get his tears under control. It was breaking Kate's heart to watch him tell his infant son goodbye, hurting him more than he ever would've imagined, but knowing in his heart it was the right thing to do and pushing himself through it, realizing this would be the last time he would ever hold him, that once he left the hospital for the night, instructions for the care of and final destination of the baby would be in place and that he would most likely never see him again.

They spent the next three hours with the baby, most of which Jack spent holding the baby and finding a way to make peace with his decision, not willing to put him down until he was sure he was ready to let go of him for good without his heart shattering into a million pieces. Kate sat beside him offering him a shoulder to lean on and whatever strength she could channel into him from her own being and while the two of them sat shoulder to shoulder, heads resting side by side they suddenly knew it was time, that it was okay to leave.

The baby had slept through most of the emotional scene, occasionally peeking through an eyelid, but never really becoming fully awake and as Kate and Jack sat side by side, Jack holding the baby out in front of him telling him one last time that he loved him and that he knew he was going to grow into an incredible little boy the baby opened his eyes all the way as if making eye contact with his dad, sighed a content baby sigh, closed his eyes again and let go of Jack's finger.

Jack looked at Kate and without having to speak she nodded at him to let him know she saw it and agreed it was time. She leaned over and kissed the baby on the cheek. Jack stood, held the baby close one last time before finally placing him in his glass crib. He leaned in and kissed him on the forehead.

"Goodbye little one. May your life always be as beautiful and blessed and I want it to be for you." Jack said, fresh, hot wet tears streaming down his face.

Kate rubbed her hand lightly over his back, he straightened up and pulled her into his arms, hugging her so tight she thought she might not be able to catch her next breath.

"It's okay Jack. He's going to be okay and we're going to be okay. I love you and I'm proud of you because I know this is killing you, yet you are pushing through because you know it's what is right." She said softly trying to comfort him.

"Thank you for being here with me. I don't think I could've done it alone." He said and tightened his grip on her.

"Thank you for allowing me to be here for you, neither one of us should ever have to face something this alone as long as we're together. You should go get the car and let me call the nurse to come get him. Walk away Jack." Kate said.

Jack kissed her gently, took one last look at his son and walked out of the room and out of the hospital. Kate knew he had left the final instructions before the nurse ever brought the baby to them and that she wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. She pushed the button to call the nurse and waited. The same woman that brought the baby in reappeared. She looked at Kate

"He's gone?" The nurse asked.

"Yes." Kate answered.

"Is he okay?" The nurse asked.

"As good as can be expected, thank you for what you did." Kate said.

"We don't understand it, but we all know Dr. Shephard and know there must be a good reason so that's enough. He's a good man, has always been good to everyone in this hospital so we're here for him. Tell him that and tell him this situation, this decision, won't become doctor's lounge gossip." The nurse told Kate as she took the paper that was taped to the end of the glass crib with the name "Shephard" written on it, pulled it off and tore it in half.

"Thank you, I'll tell him." Kate said and left the room.

Kate walked out of the hospital. Jack was waiting in the car right in front of the doors. She got into the car, closed the door, leaned over and kissed him. He returned the kiss and pointed at her seatbelt, reminding her to buckle up.

"Where to? Five-star hotel for a night of pampering or the condo?" Jack asked.

"It's up to you Jack. I don't need to be pampered." Kate told him.

"Maybe I do." Jack said softly catching her by surprise.

"I'd love to do that for you if you're willing to let me." Kate said.

Jack smiled an almost sad smile and nodded. She put her left hand in his right hand and he held tightly to it, pulling their clenched hands over to rest on his upper right thigh as he put the car into drive and pulled away from the hospital.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Here's the next installment and since so many of you are feeling let down and depressed right now it's chocked full of smut and fluff to cheer you up. Don't give up, they are the couple that will end up together by the time it is all said and done, they just might have to take a longer path filled with more obstacles than fans of the couple had hoped. Patience.**_

Jack and Kate held hands as they made their way to the suite in the hotel he had picked for them. He'd been quiet during the drive, holding onto her hand and staring forward at the road, deep in thought and she didn't push him to share, deciding that what he'd just done was very personal and that he didn't have to share anything more than what he was comfortable with. He'd grabbed his brief case from the back seat of the car before allowing the valet to drive away with it.

Jack shoved the key card into the slot and opened the door to the suite. They entered the room and he let the door close behind him. Kate looked around and then at a Jack.

"This has to be costing you a fortune." Kate said.

"A small one, but you're worth it." He said sweetly and kissed her.

Kate walked to the couch in the suite and sat down. Jack dropped his briefcase on the table in front of the couch and sat down next to her. He opened the briefcase, pulled out two folders and handed them to her.

"What's this?" She asked.

"I've uh, it's the two families I have it narrowed down to." Jack answered quietly knowing he was probably going to be in trouble again.

"Two families, you mean for the baby?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"Yeah, I know I'm about to get yelled at for doing this without talking to you, for spending so many hours pouring over information about complete strangers without including you, but it was just something I had to do on my own Kate." He explained.

"No, it's okay Jack." She assured him.

"Kate, this has been difficult for me, not just because of the choice to be made, but because I love you so much and you put up a good front, but the last few months have had to have been awful for you. I hate that I put you in the position I did. That you've been so agreeable, well, I'll never forget that because I know it had to be hard for you to be so gracious about all of it." Jack said.

"It was mostly just hard watching what she was putting you through, the rest really didn't matter, I knew you didn't have any feelings for her so don't feel guilty about any of that. I'm pretty tough Jack, you don't always have to feel like you need to protect me." Kate said and smiled at him.

"Will you help me make the final decision?" Jack asked tapping the folders lightly.

Kate looked at him, his eyes were pleading with her. She knew he'd made his final choice and that he was looking for a confirmation that he'd made the right choice. Would he be upset with her if she chose the wrong one? She considered being irritated with him for putting her in this position, but decided that would serve no useful purpose other than to send him back into his personal isolation and not feel safe reaching out to her.

"Jack, I know that you've made your choice already so if I choose wrong I want you to be honest with me and we'll talk about it, figure out why you chose one and I chose the other. Okay?" Kate asked.

"Okay." He said quietly.

Kate opened the first folder. They were a couple from Texas in their 30s with two daughters ages 5 and 3. She had complications delivering her youngest child and couldn't have any more children, but they wanted another child. He was a firefighter that did carpentry work on the side and she had a degree in accounting, but currently was a stay at home mother.

The second folder was a couple from Minnesota in their 30s. He was a pediatrician and she was a high school music teacher and they had a 2 year old adopted son.

"Well, they both seem like nice families, but I'm leaning toward the family from Texas." Kate said.

"Why's that?" Jack asked.

"Because he's a firefighter and a man or woman in that profession is most likely a very caring, compassionate person who puts the needs of others ahead of his own needs, very much like someone I know and love. They've got two daughters and would no doubt love to have a little boy to complete their family and mom stays home with them. Money might be a bit tight for them, but I'm guessing his college education is already paid for as part of the adoption agreement so no worries there. He'd be surrounded by love and that's what matters." Kate said.

"My mom didn't work, but she never seemed to be around either. I was always with a nanny or with my dad. It was kind of weird. She swears she loves me, but I never even felt liked by her, much less loved. I'm not trying to sound whiney, I had the best of everything growing up, I just didn't get it, still don't. She swore again today that she loves me, but I don't trust her Kate. Do you think that's weird that a son wouldn't trust his own mother?" Jack asked.

"Not weird, just sad. So, did I choose the same family you did?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, you did. It looks like the best situation for him. They seem like really good people and you're right, a trust fund for his education will be set up and I'm paying the attorney fees. I don't want anyone buying my son. I'll call the attorney in the morning, go down, sign all the necessary papers. Move past it." Jack said as he collected the two folders and put them back in his brief case before letting himself fall back into the cushions, head tilted back, staring at the ceiling.

"Are you okay Jack?" Kate asked.

He turned his head to the side and looked at her, the concern she was feeling for him written all over her face. He started to speak but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jack stood and walked to the door. He held it open while the young man wheeled in a cart with champagne and strawberries, a couple of closed containers, and a bowl with a spoon in it. He shoved some money into the guy's hand and escorted him to the door, closing it and then sitting back down beside Kate.

"Champagne?" Kate asked.

"We're celebrating." Jack said.

Kate looked at him confused wondering if he'd finally gone over the edge.

"Do you think that's appropriate Jack?" She finally asked.

"Well that would me a pretty sick son-of-a-bitch wouldn't it?" Jack choked out with a half-hearted chuckle.

"Jack, what….." Kate asked.

"We're celebrating us Kate. We've been so involved in all the drama I've brought into this relationship that we've not taken the time to be happy about us, about getting married, about having a baby." Jack said.

"Jack, you don't have to do this. It's okay." Kate said.

"Kate, I'm okay. I will always wonder about him and it's the most painful decision I've ever had to make in my life, but I'm okay because I know he's going to be wanted and loved in a way that I never would've been able to love him. I wanted to keep him Kate, don't ever wonder about that, but as soon as I held him I knew that I couldn't, that I wasn't feeling what I was supposed to feel and that it would be selfish for me to not give him the opportunity to be loved the way he deserves to be loved." Jack explained.

"How do you know you won't feel that way about this baby?" Kate asked.

"Because I love you Kate, because I want to have as many children with you as you are willing to have, because this baby is a part of you and me and not the product of drunken rage sex. Kate there was so much that was just wrong starting with his conception to his birth. He's too beautiful to ever know about those things. It's how I felt and I couldn't get past it no matter how hard I tried, but make no mistake Kate, I am happy and excited about this baby." Jack assured her and let his head fall back again, resting it on the back of the couch.

"So do you think getting past this will help with your issues at work?" Kate asked.

"I don't know Kate. Maybe I need to think about a different line of work, I'm not sure being a surgeon was something I ever really wanted to do." Jack suggested.

"Are you serious?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm just tired and frustrated." Jack sighed.

Kate moved over, straddled him and sat in his lap, their faces just inches apart. He put his hands on her thighs and smiled at her, his head still resting on the back of the couch.

"You should come lie down and let me pamper you. Wouldn't a massage feel good?" She asked sweetly.

"I can think of something else that would feel better." He replied with a grin.

"Well, I had intended on massaging all of you." Kate teased.

"In that case, I guess we should forget about the hot fudge sundaes that are under those covered dishes." Jack teased back, knowing how much Kate loved the ice cream treat.

"You bought me a sundae? Okay, back up plan. After a few bites I'll take you to bed and rock your world." Kate said making him laugh.

She jumped up, uncovered one of the containers, spooned some sprinkles onto it and brought it back over to the couch. It was heaped with whip cream and toppings. She straddled him again, took a bite of the ice cream treat and kissed him.

"Mmm……Jack, this is so good. Here, try some." She said and fed him a spoonful.

He watched her eat another bite and let her continue to feed him an occasional spoonful. She finally set the container down on the side table beside the couch, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

"You make me happier than anyone ever has Jack, let's just go to the courthouse and get married next week." Kate said.

"Kate, you don't want a wedding, the gown, the tuxes, the music and flowers?" He asked.

"Why? Do those things make me more married to you? I don't want those things Jack, but if you do we can do it." Kate said.

"No, I'm fine with whatever. Next week? Really?" He asked.

"Are you trying to back out on me Shephard?" Kate asked in a teasing tone.

"No, I'm just not used to being around someone so agreeable and easy to get along with. I don't know how to react." He laughed.

"I am looking forward to a honeymoon though so if you need an extra week or so plan something incredibly sexy I'm willing to wait." Kate told him and winked.

He chuckled lightly, sat up and kissed her. He started to grab the sundae again, stopped and ginned at her.

"Want some more?" He asked.

"Maybe just a bite." She said.

He reached down, lifted the shirt she was wearing up and off of her, reached behind her and unclasped her bra moving his fingers to her shoulders and gently letting his fingers glide the straps over her shoulders and down her arms until the bra fell forward into their laps. He picked the container up again and held a spoonful of ice cream up in front of her, smiled and put it in his mouth.

"You aren't really going to put that cold ice cream on me are you?" She asked as he swirled the bite of ice cream around in his mouth.

He swallowed the ice cream and closed his mouth over the nipple on her right breast, swirling his cold tongue over it and then pulling away.

"No, not all over you." He said with a smile as he put some of the ice cream on the other nipple and licked it off. She shivered slightly.

"Too cold?" He asked.

"It's pretty cold, but hot at the same time." She said in a breathy tone.

She leaned in and kissed him. His free hand automatically found her breast as he kissed her back, the warmth in his hand soothing the shock from the intense cold applied to her nipples moments ago. He pulled out of the kiss, put the sundae back on the table and smiled at her.

"Are you going to let me take you to bed and cover you with the sundae we haven't taken the lid off of yet?" He asked.

"Do you really want that sticky mess all over the bed?" She asked.

"Oh yeah." He said in a low, sexy tone.

"It sounds like fun. Can I play first?" She asked.

"We'll see." He said with a grin.

She jumped up off of his lap and grabbed his hands.

"Come on. Last one to the bed gets a spanking." She teased.

"I'm definitely coming last then." He laughed.

He stripped the bed of everything but the sheet covering the mattress while she set the covered sundae and the bowl of sprinkles on the table beside the bed and sat down, her legs hanging over the side of the bed. He walked over to where she was sitting on the bed and sat down beside her. He rubbed his hand gently over her bare upper back and down her arm.

"You are so beautiful. I think it's going to be a new rule that any time we're alone you have be naked like this the whole time." He said sweetly.

"I've got pants on." She said.

"Not for long." He teased.

She stood, straddled his lap and pushed him back onto the bed.

"If those are the rules I'll have to abide by them, but then so do you." She said with a smile, staring down at him, her hair falling forward over her shoulders.

He stared up at her, his eyes meeting hers and then smiled at her.

"Let me up and I'll be happy to abide by the rules." He said.

She pulled her hair away and behind her neck with one arm and leaned into to kiss him.

"Just stay where you are. Undressing you is part of the fun." She said and scooted herself down his legs and off the bed.

She reached out and grabbed the waistband of the jeans he was wearing, unbuttoning, then unzipping, then began slowly sliding them down his hips. He helped her out by lifting his hips up off the bed for her. She got the pants midway down his thighs and stopped. She smiled at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Can I tie you up?" She asked.

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I want to. The idea of you helpless and completely at my mercy is a big turn-on. You're so much stronger than me, it's the only way I can be in total control." She said.

"If you really want to. Okay." He agreed.

She used the ties that came with the fancy bathrobes to tie his arms to the bedposts, letting him keep his legs free. She finished removing his pants, removed her own and took the cover off the sundae, crawling up beside him with it in her hands. She looked down at his crotch then held up a spoonful of the ice cream, giggling as his eyes grew wide with dread.

"Don't worry Jack, I wouldn't do that to you, I want that part of you to stay nice and warm." She laughed.

She straddled his stomach and took a bite of the ice cream. She leaned in and kissed him.

"Mmm…that's pretty good." He said.

She fed him a spoonful of the ice cream and then put her breasts in his face. He eagerly licked and sucked at each nipple as she put them to his mouth, not wanting to let go when she would pull away.

She stood over him and began slipping her panties slowly down her legs and the combination of her tying him up, taking his clothes off, sticking her breasts in his face, and now hovering over him doing a strip tease had him fully erect and wanting to be all over her as his arms fought against the restraints.

She finished slipping the panties off and tossed them over the side of the bed. She could see him squirming and went back down to her knees, resting lightly on his chest, her pussy just out of the reach of his hungry mouth. She scooted back a little making sure she pressed herself into his chest as she moved. He groaned and she fed him another spoonful of ice cream, followed by another mouthful of her breasts. He was squirming against the restraints and she moved back some more.

"You aren't getting free so you might as well just enjoy it. I'm going to make you come so hard you'll be begging for a repeat performance." She promised.

"That's supposed to be my line isn't it?" He commented and smiled.

She smiled at him and kissed him again before scooting down to his hips. She could feel his cock and moved over it a few times, making him gasp a little. If he could get his hands free he was sure he would grab her by the hips and lunge into her. He wanted her bad and he knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted anytime soon. She could see the need in his eyes and felt a little guilty for torturing him.

"Believe me, I'd love to climb on and ride you into relief, but that would cut short the plans I have." She explained, thoroughly enjoying the game she was playing with him.

She dipped two fingers in the ice cream and gently spread it over his nipples and took her time licking it off of him. She spread more ice cream over his stomach and ate it all off of him.

"Too cold?" She asked.

He shook his head no and watched as she put some ice cream on her fingers and started to spread it over his balls.

"Please don't." He said, almost panting.

"I wouldn't do that to you." She giggled and brought the two fingers up to his mouth for him to lick clean.

She moved back down and took his cock into her mouth. He was so hard and swollen she almost came herself when she felt him on her tongue.

"Kate if you don't want a mouthful you better back off." He warned in a very distressed tone.

She did back off and she applied pressure to the screaming appendage to hold him off. She wasn't sure if he appreciated that or not, but he would once she finally let him come.

She covered her fingers with the hot fudge and whip cream portion of the sundae and set the container back on the table, warming the hot fudge and whip cream it in her hands before gently spreading it over his balls and then over his cock. He was squirming again and she looked up at him.

"Are you okay? You aren't thinking about ending my little party early are you?" She asked.

"I won't. Keep going." He said with a cute, sexy grin.

She poured some of the sprinkles into her hand and then wrapped her hand around his cock gently and let go. She continued until she had it all covered with sprinkles and then admired her masterpiece for a moment.

"That looks good enough to eat." She teased as she crawled back up to his head.

"Do you want a taste?" She asked as she ran her topping and sprinkle covered hands over her breasts and once again and moved them toward his mouth, the frustration over not being able to use his hands making his mouth work even harder and clamp down gently with his teeth when she tried to pull away. She let him go a little longer and when she pulled away he resisted, but let her go. She looked at his face, the sexual hunger and need in his eyes so intense she had to curb the desire to mount him once again. She instead leaned in and kissed him for a long time.

She pulled out of the kiss and moved back down. She licked the mixture off of his balls and took her time doing it. He was making noises unlike anything she had heard before and she wasn't sure, but she thought she heard him whimper when she began to slowly eat the sprinkles off of his cock, having to stop a couple of times to hold him off. Once she had all the sprinkles and most of the hot fudge and whip cream mixture eaten off of him she began taking him into her mouth, running her tongue all around and then she stopped and pulled her mouth away. She looked up at him and smacked her lips. He was sweating and fighting the restraints and the agony she brought on by not finishing the blow job was all over his face.

"You know if you drag this on much longer I'm liable to blow right through the back of your head." He said with a distressed laugh making her laugh.

She crawled up to his head again and kissed him.

"Okay sweetie, you've been a good sport. Do you want me to finish this with my mouth or would you rather I fuck your brains out." She asked giggling at how the use of profanity could make him twitch. He really did love it when she talked dirty to him.

"I'll take the second choice. It'll last longer." He said with that same cute, sexy grin.

She kissed him once more and then straddled him again, easing herself onto his throbbing cock. She took him in all the way and sat up straight so he could watch and began moving slowly, enjoying pushing him in deeper and deeper as she rocked against him. He watched her bounce slowly up and down, unable to touch her or do much of anything to help it along and he smiled a sweet, sexy smile at her as she put her head back and cried out as she climaxed.

She kept going and reached behind her to give his balls a gentle squeeze. She then sat up straight and began bouncing hard and fast, asking him if he wanted it harder, stopping and clamping her walls tightly around him if he didn't answer, didn't beg, didn't demand she fuck him and not stop. He began to groan, his demands coming close to threats if she dared to stop again. The muscles in his thighs stiffened and he came hard, vocalizing his pleasure as she put her hands on his chest and held them both down until he was finished. Sure that he was completely done, she reached up and untied his hands. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him and kissed her for a long time.

"That was fun." She said as she moved off of him and snuggled up beside him.

"That was fucking incredible." He said softly.

"Does that mean I can tie you up again some time?" She asked as she kissed him softly and ran her hand over the side of his face.

"Hell yes." He answered quickly and rolled her onto her back, gazing deeply into her eyes and then kissing her some more, moving his mouth over her neck and down between her breasts and then over each breast and down her belly. He ran his tongue along her bikini line and then kissed his way back up to her mouth.

"You're like that little bunny in the commercial. Does your battery ever run down?" She asked through the giggles he was bringing out of her by nibbling on the sensitive area right behind her ear.

He nibbled his way back around, kissed her and then gazed into her eyes again. He ran his fingers through her hair gently and smiled at her.

"I guess an ordinary woman might drain the life out of a guy's battery, but a woman like you is so hot she just charges him right back up." He said.

"Aww, that was sweet, but it really is okay if your battery runs down." She said.

"It wasn't sweet. It was honest. I could do this all night long Kate. Have you had enough? Do you want me to quit pawing all over you?" He asked.

"No." She answered.

"Can I use the ice cream too?" He asked.

"Sure." She answered and then watched him walk to the other side of the room to grab the other sundae that was just about melted, but still cold. She loved watching his ass walk away from her and let out a slight moan that made him turn around and look at her.

He returned with the sundae and set it beside the one Kate had used on him.

"Were you checking me out Kate?" He asked making her giggle.

"Of course, you have no idea how cute your butt is." Kate told him.

"I'll take your word for it. This sundae is pretty soft and melted so I'm going to go ahead and use it up." He said with a wink and then dumped the melted ice cream and topping onto her belly without warning.

"Shit that's cold!" She squealed.

"I know it is, but it'll be fun if I can get you heated up." He said with a sexy grin and began spreading the melted ice cream over her with his hands. He was right though, his warm strong hands spreading the cold melted mixture over her breasts was a big turn-on and then he brought one hand back over her belly, through the ice cream and down over her crotch making her squeal and moan at the same time. He had her covered from neck to crotch in melted ice cream and brought his hot tongue down onto her breasts. He began sucking the ice cream off of the nipples without having them pulled out of his mouth prematurely and did so in a slow, sensual manner that had her squirming beneath him.

He sat up and swirled his fingers around in the ice cream a little longer, hitting all the erotic zones and then pulled away. He moved between her legs and swirled his fingers around her swollen, ice cream covered clit making her arch her back. He gently pushed on her stomach to get her to relax and moved his hand down, inserting his finger as far as it would go, bringing it back out and moving his hand back through the creamy substance and then back inside of her again. She was squirming and moaning and growing wetter with every touch. He brought his mouth down and began moving his tongue over her clit while moving his fingers in and out of her, making her come quickly, squealing the way he loved to make her squeal.

Staying between her legs he put his arms on either side of her and pushed himself forward so he could kiss her. She kissed him and giggled.

"You have ice cream all over your face." She said.

"So do you." He said as he kissed her again, making sure he rubbed as much of the ice cream onto her face as he could.

He then sat up on his knees, grabbed the other sundae and began dropping spoonfuls of it onto her stomach and chest. She didn't complain about it being cold anymore and he continued on until the entire sundae was on her body. He stopped, sitting between her legs on his knees and admired his work. She was covered with ice cream and topping from her neck to her crotch. He finished his masterpiece by covering the triangle in front of him with the bowl of sprinkles.

"You are one good looking sundae. I wish I had a camera." He teased.

"Maybe next time." She laughed.

Staying between her legs he moved up and moved his hands over the ice cream, topping and whip cream mixture, spreading it around. She could feel the cold, gooey and sticky substance moving over her under his warm hands and she moaned for him to keep going. He moved his mouth over the mess, licking up the mixture at times and stopping to kiss her passionately, forcing their hot bodies together, the cold gooey mixture trapped and oozing between them. She could feel his cock pressed up against her stomach, coated with the same mixture she was covered with and wanted to taste him.

When he pulled out of the kiss and began moving his mouth over her neck and upper chest, she let her fingers glide slowly over his hard cock, the sundae mixture dripping from it and to her surprise every bit as hard as it had been earlier.

"I want a taste." She said in seductive voice.

"It doesn't taste any different than it did earlier." He teased.

"It always tastes different when it's being fed to you." She whispered into his ear, the tone in her voice and the whole situation almost putting him over the edge prematurely.

"Okay, you can have a taste, but not until I'm done eating." He said in a breathy tone and began eating the sundae off of her again.

He moved over her breasts and down her stomach and ate his way through the layer of sprinkles he had covered her pussy with, making sure he made her come again before coming up off of her. She was quivering. He loved making her quiver. She was so hot and beautiful and she was quivering in his arms and all he wanted to do was bury himself inside of her and make her quiver some more.

He had promised her a taste though and he loved feeding her his cock. It was such a turn-on and usually led to lengthy intercourse so he pushed her legs down and straddled her, moving closer and closer to her mouth. She started to reach out for him and he pushed her hands away.

"No. I want to feed it to you." He said, his voice revealing how turned on and into the moment he was.

He moved up more, his knees almost in her armpits. She kept her hands flat on the mattress while he pushed his cock toward her open mouth. She took him in and closed her mouth around him gently once she had taken in as much as she could. He was careful not to try to go deeper as he slowly moved his cock in and out of her hungry mouth. Her tongue working feverishly over him like a lollipop, resisting when he'd tried to pull away. He finally pulled away from her and sat back just out of her reach.

"Do you want me to come?" He asked.

"Do you want to?" She asked.

"Yeah, but not yet." He said as he winked at her and scooted back.

He scooted back down and worked himself between her legs, pushing himself inside of her, slowly, letting her feel every inch of him as he filled her and held his position for a few seconds. He kissed her deeply and then pulled back, looking deeply into her eyes as though he was trying to communicate something to her.

"I love you too." She responded to his intense stare, making him smile.

They made love in numerous positions, their bodies sticky with the ice cream and topping mess spread over them and him seemingly trying to set a new record for the number of times he could make her come in one love-making session. She was beyond exhausted when he went to his knees, repositioning them one more time, holding her hips up off the mattress and continuing to push himself in and out of her, bringing one last orgasm out of her before making one final thrust and holding it. He kept their lower bodies pressed tightly together until he had spilled his last drop and then lowered her hips gently back onto the mattress.

He looked down at her for a moment before taking his position right beside her. They both lay motionless for awhile, neither speaking. Once they felt they had regained enough strength they made their way into the shower, both careful not to leave a trail of sticky goo behind and they took turns washing the ice cream mess off one another.

After their shower they cleaned the mess up together and prepared the bed for sleep, which came quickly and easily for both of them. She slept peacefully in his arms and when she awoke in the middle of the night to him initiating more sex, she was instantly aroused and ready for whatever he had in mind. He entered her from behind, spooning her, gently pushing himself in and out of her, while stimulating her from the front with his hand. He never changed his pace, neither one of them felt their breathing become labored as they rocked together in a sweet, slow motion that brought both of them to climax simultaneously. He stayed inside of her, holding her close to him, placing soft kisses on her shoulder.

"I love you so much Kate. I promise I'm going to be a good husband and father first and a doctor second." He said sweetly, kissing her on the cheek.

She gently moved to roll over, feeling him slip out of her as she repositioned herself on her back.

"I believe you intend to try hard Jack and that's what matters." Kate said.

"No, I'm going to do more than just try. What you did for me today, the way you've been there for me since the day I met you……..nobody has ever done that for me Kate and I've probably handled it badly because I'm not used to not being alone with my feelings, but I'm realizing quickly how lonely I've been and never even knew it." Jack explained.

"Okay Jack and I'm going to try too." Kate said.

"Try? You've been great Kate, I'm the one that keeps screwing everything up." Jack sighed.

"No, I've been trying to change you, to turn you into something you aren't. Trying to force you to embrace the day and not worry about tomorrow. That's not you Jack and it never will be. Your organized, well thought out approach to everything is one of the things about you I fell in love with, it's what got us through those first few weeks on the island, helped us all get settled and into routines." Kate explained.

"You were right though, I do need to learn to relax, to stop worrying about what I can't control and to stop trying to control what hasn't happened yet." Jack argued.

"Okay Jack, but we need to find a happy medium between your way and my way. You need structure in your life and I need you to be you. I wasn't kidding earlier, I want to get married next week." Kate reminded him.

"Kate, you don't…" He started, but was cut off by her sitting up and kissing him.

"Listen to me Jack. I don't want to lose Riley and if we are married your chances of full custody are better. I don't want a wedding. I want to be married before this baby is born. I want the house and the trees and the picket fence you promised me. I want it all big fella so are you going to stall or are we going to do this." She laid out her demands in a sweet, loving fashion.

"Okay, we'll do this, but I have one request." He said.

"What's that?" She asked.

"Never make me think of Sarah when I have you sprawled naked across my chest." He teased.

"Sorry, maybe I can help you put her out of your mind." Kate said with a smile and began kissing him again, eventually moving all of herself on top of him, enjoying the feeling of their bodies pressed together as his strong arms wrapped around her, making her feel warm and safe and like nothing could ever drive a wedge between them.


	27. Chapter 27

_**I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated, I've been sick. It's a tough time for Jack and Kate fans and for Jack fans in general, but hang in there and think positive and the next chapter will be nice and smutty I promise!**_

Jack and Kate arrived home early the next morning, both eager to see Riley and make sure she was getting better. They walked slowly arm in arm into the lobby of the condominium complex. Jack was barely in the door when he spotted her. Kate felt him tense up and looked at up at him.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Sarah's here." Jack answered.

"Where?" Kate asked before noticing the blonde approaching them.

Jack stood still, his arm still wrapped around Kate, waiting for Sarah to stop in front of them, no intention of offering any type of greeting, friendly or otherwise. She stopped about a foot in front of them, finally dropping her gaze to the floor when the cold, intensity of his eyes boring a hole through her became too much to stand.

"Can we talk?" She asked just above a whisper, obviously feeling intimidated by him.

"You're going to have to speak up Sarah." Jack snapped.

"I asked if we could talk." Sarah responded loudly to his anger.

"We don't have anything to talk about Sarah." Jack replied and pushed himself and Kate past her.

"I want to see Riley." Sarah demanded.

Jack let go of Kate, reeling around quickly until he was in Sarah's face.

"No." He said angrily without backing away from her, his eyes angry and crazed.

"You can't keep me from seeing her Jack. She's my daughter." Sarah stood firm.

"She's my daughter now Sarah, remember. You dropped her in my lap, left her to wake up scared and confused. Would you like me to tell you how she cried for you or how she still crawls into bed with me every night because she's afraid of waking up abandoned again? Get out of here, you make me sick!" Jack seethed.

"Jack, please. She's all I've got." Sarah pleaded with him, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Wrong, she's all you had and you chose to toss her out like the garbage, just like you did with me. You know Sarah, I'd love for Riley to be able to have her mother in her life, but how long before you get another wild hair up your ass and decide you don't want her anymore?" Jack continued to badger her.

"Jack, maybe you should…" Kate started to argue, backing off when he shot her a look that told her he needed her to support him on this.

"Please Jack, I'm sorry. It was all too much. I needed a break and your mom, she was so sure she could convince you to give me a second chance if you got to know your daughter." Sarah pleaded.

"Is that what you wanted Sarah, a second chance? Did you suddenly decide I was exciting enough for you again, that you really did love me after all, that I was whatever it was you were looking for in a man when you left me?" Jack continued his tirade at her, trying to keep his voice down, but not really succeeding.

"Jack, I want to see Riley. I miss her so much. Please." Sarah begged.

"You can see her when a judge tells me I have to let her see you. If you really want to see her and this isn't just another one of your mood swings, you'll do all the work and fight for the right to be in your daughter's life again because right now Sarah I don't believe you want that and you will not hurt that baby again, not if I can help it." Jack told her.

"So playing daddy for 3 months makes you an expert huh, the two years I had mean nothing? You are such an arrogant son-of-bitch Jack Shephard." Sarah accused.

"You mean the two years you denied me because you're a lying, manipulative bitch?!" Jack yelled.

Sarah stepped back from him, his words stinging.

"I'm sorry Jack. I'm so sorry for everything. Please, I need to see my little girl." Sarah cried.

Jack brought his face close to hers again, his eyes staring into hers, searching for the feelings he had for her at one time and not being able to find them. He finally backed away slightly, lowering his voice to a flat, non-caring tone.

"I don't care what you need Sarah. This isn't about you or me, it's about Riley. Maybe you need to think about what Riley needs. She's got a home with me, soon to be a much nicer, bigger home, with a yard and a stepmother that stays home with her all day and soon she'll have a new baby brother or sister. We're a family Sarah and she's happy." Jack said.

"A little family complete with the daddy that is gone before she wakes up and doesn't get home before she has to go to bed? I'm surprised you found the time to get her pregnant, of course you managed to get me pregnant no more than I saw you." Sarah hissed.

"Yeah, too bad you couldn't manage to stay awake for the conception." Jack shot back, stinging her again.

"When did you get so mean Jack?" Sarah asked.

"I guess it happened sometime between when you left me for another man and when I finally stopped loving you. You have no control over my emotions anymore Sarah." Jack answered.

"So us falling apart was my fault, you were just an innocent victim." Sarah said sarcastically.

"It stopped being my fault when you refused to try Sarah and no I wasn't a victim, I was a coward. Too scared to stop a marriage I knew was doomed from the start, but hell I loved you so much I fooled myself into believing that we could make it work, that I could be the husband you wanted me to be, that my passion for medicine could take a back seat to my passion for you, but I was wrong. It was harder than I thought and you, you wouldn't even try to meet me half way, you just gave up, tossed the vows out the window and spread your legs for another man." Jack spat the words at her, words that he'd obviously been holding on to for far too long.

"Don't! Don't you dare talk about me like I'm a whore." Sarah spat back, her finger in his face.

"A whore? No, see a man knows what he's getting with a whore, but you, you're a cold, calculating, selfish, lying bitch and that's worse. We're done Sarah. Okay? I don't love you anymore and you can't toy with me, make me feel guilty and make me want to make you feel better. What you did to Riley, I can't understand it. If you had come to me, asked me to take care of her for a couple of weeks because you needed a break or whatever I could've sympathized and even understood, but to dump your child in the hands of a complete stranger as part of a scheme to make me forget about Kate and want to get back with you is, it's just sick Sarah." Jack said, his anger threatening to turn to rage.

"It wasn't like that Jack, your mom, she said I should…"Sarah started to argue, but was cut off by Jack getting as close to her face as he could without actually touching her.

"Shut up." He told her.

"Jack, please, give me a chance to explain." Sarah begged.

"We are done talking about this Sarah. If you really want your daughter go out and manipulate the legal system because you're done manipulating me." Jack told her, turned around and rejoined Kate.

"Where's your son Jack?" Sarah coldly asked stopping him in his tracks.

He turned around and looked at her.

"What?" He asked.

"The baby that you couldn't decide if you wanted, where is he?" Sarah asked.

"That's none of your business." Jack hissed.

"It is my business Jack. How's a judge going to feel about awarding custody to a father that would give his own son away?" Sarah taunted.

"How did you know? Who?" Jack asked, confused and angry, unsure of who it was that was feeding Sarah personal information about him.

"You did give him away didn't you? Your mom had such grand plans for that little boy, none of which included a career in medicine." Sara continued to push.

Kate could see he was over the edge, ready to explode, the reality that he'd been duped by his mother again sinking in, his rage consuming him, his desire to wrap his hands around Sarah's throat and squeeze until she could never antagonize him again close to taking over. He moved toward her and Kate grabbed his arm.

"Jack, let's go upstairs." Kate pleaded.

"Kate, let me deal with this." Jack said in an eerily calm voice as he gently removed her hand from his bicep.

"Sarah you should go. Please." Kate told her.

"Am I supposed to feel threatened? What are you going to do Jack? Hit me?" Sarah asked.

Jack reached for his wallet, pulled a business card out of it and shoved the wallet back into his pocket. He stopped in front of Sarah and calmly handed her the card.

"What's this?" Sarah asked.

"That is my attorney. From now on we communicate through him. Is that understood?" Jack told her.

"Fine Jack. I'll see you in court." Sarah said.

"I'm looking forward to it." Jack told her, turned and walked away again.

They walked toward the elevators, pushed the button and waited for the doors to open. He was quiet and Kate wasn't sure whether to let him stew for awhile or push the issue with him. She opted for allowing him to process all of it before forcing him to talk about it. They rode up to their floor in silence and walked to Jennifer's condo without speaking. Jennifer's door opened slowly to reveal Riley standing in the doorway, making both Jack and Kate smile. Riley looked up and instantly became excited.

"Daddy up!" She demanded holding her arms up.

Jack reached down and picked her up, pulling her close to his chest, kissing her on the cheek and then nuzzling her neck making her giggle.

"I missed you baby girl." He said and hugged her.

"I miss you too." Riley said, patting his back with her small hand, making him smile.

"Hey, what about me? Do I get a hug?" Kate asked.

"Kate hug!" Riley ordered, holding her arms out to Kate.

Kate took her from Jack and hugged her and kissed her.

"You look so much better today. Do you feel better sweetie?" Kate asked.

"I go home." Riley told Kate.

"Let's get your stuff and tell Jennifer goodbye first." Jack told her.

"No! Go home!" Riley squealed.

"Riley don't scream. Say daddy may we…." Jack began to instruct the child, but was interrupted by Riley responding as if on queue before he could finish.

"Peas daddy." Riley said making Kate laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jack asked.

"Nothing, it's almost like she squeals like that just so the two of you can have your typical exchange. This time she came back with her usual "Peas daddy" before you got the chance to tell her how to ask nicely." Kate giggled.

Jack tried to hide the smile and the light laugh that was determined to escape, but his will was not strong enough to stand up against the two sweet, beautiful women looking at him with trusting, loving eyes.

"She's so demanding. Where do you suppose she gets that?" Jack asked, winking at Kate.

They thanked Jennifer and said their goodbyes. Once inside the condo the settled comfortably in the living room and began to make plans for the day.

"So, what would you like to do today Jack?" Kate asked.

"I suppose spending the day in bed with you isn't an option." Jack teased.

"Sure, I'm always up for sleeping all day." She teased back.

"That wasn't exactly what I had in mind." He protested.

"Yeah, so what did you have in mind?" She asked in a seductive tone.

"Right now I'd settle for some breakfast. I'm starving." He told her and kissed her.

"I can make you some breakfast, would you like a smiley face pancake? Riley loves them." Kate teased.

"As tempting as that sounds, I think I'd rather go out and maybe after we can go get Sawyer and Claire and do the house thing. I'll get Riley." He said pulling back and looking around.

"Where'd she go?" Jack asked.

"I don't know, she was right here a second ago." Kate said.

"She's probably in the kitchen dumping something all over herself. Do you think she knows how much that pisses me off?" Jack asked with grin and left the room to go find what mischief his daughter was into.

Jack finally found her in his bedroom. She was attempting to climb onto the bed, the height of it making it impossible for her. He walked up behind her and kneeled down, not wanting to just grab her and scare her to death.

"Would you like some help?" Jack asked as he put his hands under her arms, stood with her and tossed her onto the bed making her giggle.

"Again!" She squealed as she tried to stand and walk to him.

He reached out and pulled her into his arms.

"No, we're going to go bye-bye." He told her.

"I go nite-nite wif daddy." Riley whined trying to squirm out of his arms and back onto the bed.

"Maybe she's tired Jack." Kate offered from the doorway making him jump.

"Yeah, she was pretty sick yesterday. Maybe we should just stay home and relax." He offered.

"That's fine with me. Somebody kept me up most of the night so I'm kind of tired myself." She accused.

"You weren't complaining at the time." He laughed.

"Who says I'm complaining now? Lay down with Riley and I'll make you some breakfast." Kate told him.

"You don't have to do that, I can make myself something after she goes to sleep." He objected.

"Jack, let me make you breakfast. I'll even serve it to you in bed." She insisted.

"Only if you promise to serve it wearing an apron……just an apron." He said and winked at her.

"You're a mess you know that? If someone had told me nine months ago what a naughty doctor you are I never would've believed it." Kate laughed.

He pulled her close to him and kissed her deeply.

"I guess you just bring out the devil in me Kate." He said with such a straight face she laughed again, making him laugh too.

"I love you." She said and kissed him gently and then turned her attention to Riley who had her head lying on his shoulder, eyes only about half open. He followed her gaze and rubbed his hand over her back.

"Look at her Kate, so trusting, no clue that the adults in her life are about to turn her world upside down. Again. Every time I hold her I feel like my heart is exploding and I don't ever want to lose that." He admitted the idea that he might lose his daughter in a custody battle tearing at him just as Kate suspected it would.

"I know." She said, the two words enough.

He wasn't looking for comfort or promises of a happy ending, he just needed to verbalize his feelings and the fact that he did and did it so willing made her feel like he was finally allowing himself to lean on her, making it feel like the intense fights they'd had recently made a difference, helped them go forward.

"I'm going to go lay down with her. I'll eat something later." He told her, brushing his hand over her cheek and kissing her lightly one more time before leaving the room.

The sound of someone knocking on door caused his eyes to open suddenly. He was confused for a moment, looking around, seeing the large 'R' on the wall bringing him back, reminding him that he had lay down with Riley. He'd fallen asleep and he had no idea how long they'd been asleep, but Riley was curled up in the crook of his arm sleeping peacefully. He gently eased away from her, put the blanket over her and walked into the living room, noticing how quiet it was, assuming Kate must've gone to bed as well.

He looked through the peep hole in the door and saw the police officer standing in the hallway. His heart began racing, looking around the room, wondering if Kate was asleep in the bedroom or if she'd gone out and something had happened to her. He froze momentarily, brought back to his senses by the doorbell ringing this time. He swallowed hard and pulled the door open.

"Jack Shephard?" The police officer asked.

"Yeah, what's wrong? Did something happen to Kate?" He asked.

"Kate? I don't about that sir, but this young lady says she knows you, says her sister lives here. I caught her snooping around in the parking garage. Looked to me like she looking for a car to steal." The police officer explained and pulled the young girl in front of him so Jack could see her.

He looked at what appeared to be a 16 or 17 year old girl with Kate's eyes staring back at him and let go of a huge sigh of relief.

"It's okay. She's telling the truth." Jack told him as he racked his brain, trying to remember the girl's name.

"Are you sure? You look a bit uneasy, confused." The police officer said.

"Huh, no, I was asleep and seeing a cop outside my door startled me. What were you doing in the parking garage Julie?" Jack asked extending his hand out to the young girl, watching her eyes take on a look of relief as he did so.

She took hold of his hand and let him pull her into the condo with him.

"Thank you for bringing her home. She's visiting and knows she's not supposed to go out without one of us, but I guess teenagers will be teenagers." Jack said and offered his hand.

"That they will, glad I could help." The police officer said and shook his hand.

Jack watched the policeman turn and walk away and closed the door. He turned and nearly knocked her over.

"You can relax now." Jack said laughing lightly as he steadied her.

"You must be Jack. Thanks for not busting me." Julie said her tone tough with that irresistible edge of sweetness just like her sister.

"No problem." Jack said.

"Is Kate here?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, I think she's asleep. Sit down. I'll go get her." Jack told her.

Jack rubbed his hand over the back of his head as he walked away and into the bedroom. Kate was curled up in a tight ball sleeping soundly. He didn't want to wake her, but wasn't sure what was going on and decided he'd better, especially if Julie had the same "run first, think second" instincts Kate had. He shook her gently until her eyes finally opened. He gave her time to clear her head and then finally sit up.

"What's up?" Kate asked in a sleepy voice.

"You have a visitor in the living room." Jack told her.

"A visitor? Who?" Kate asked.

"I guess you weren't expecting her then." Jack said.

"Expecting who?" Kate asked.

"Julie." Jack answered.

"My Julie?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"Well, she's got your eyes and says you're her sister, so I'm guessing it must be your Julie." Jack said and smiled at her.

"No, I wasn't expecting her. I can't imagine…….um, give me a few minutes and I'll be out." Kate told him.

Jack left the room, checked on Riley and then walked back out to the living room.

"Can I get you something to drink? Something to eat?" Jack asked.

"No. I'm fine. Thanks." Julie replied.

Jack sat down in the chair, facing the couch, forcing her to look at him and noticing that she seemed nervous and uncomfortable.

"Why so nervous? I don't bite." Jack told her.

"Yeah, Kate has told me about you, says you're a great guy and she's right, you're gorgeous." Julie said making him laugh an embarrassed, but amused laugh.

"Uh thank you I guess. You're kind of cute yourself. So, how'd you get here?" Jack asked.

"Hitchhiked." Julie answered taking note of the disapproving look on his face.

"That's not very smart." Jack said in a concerned tone.

"Well, when you don't have money, you do what you have to." Julie shot back.

"Yeah? Next time pick up the phone, call, I'll send you a plane ticket." Jack said flatly.

"Why would you do that? You don't even know me." Julie argued.

"Because I love your sister and wouldn't want to have to watch her go through identifying your body in the morgue." Jack said in the same calm, flat that tone with a hint of disapproval that allowed him to keep his edge as the adult in the conversation.

Julie rolled her eyes at him and sighed heavily.

"Don't roll your eyes, he's right." Kate said in a firm tone before making her way to the couch and wrapping her up in a tight hug.

Julie held onto her and began sobbing. Jack watched them for a few seconds and decided they needed to be alone and left the room.

"Sweetie what's wrong? Why are you here?" Kate asked wiping her own tears away.

"I ran away." Julie answered getting her own tears under control

"Why? You told me everything was fine, that you were fine, that you liked the foster family you were staying with." Kate said.

"It was and I wanted to finish high school with all my friends, but their son, the foster family's son wouldn't leave me alone." Julie explained.

"What do you mean leave you alone? What did he do to you?" Kate demanded to know.

Jack stood in the kitchen listening to them, dropping his head, hoping she hadn't been raped.

"He's 20 years old and because of that I guess he thought he could do anything he wanted. I told his mom that he kept coming on to me and she laughed it off, told me I was being over-sensitive. They went away for a few days and left me home alone with him. He tried to force me to have sex with him." Julie told her fresh tears streaming down her face.

"Did he succeed Julie?" Kate asked as her stomach turned flip flops, the thing she'd tried to protect her sister from finding a way to invade her life anyway.

"No. I kneed him in the groin and tried to run away." Julie said.

"Good. What do you mean tried to run away?" Kate asked.

"He caught me, beat me up pretty bad, but at least he didn't rape me. I finally got away and just ran." Julie shrugged.

"Sweetie how long ago did this happen? Where'd he hit you?" Kate asked.

"It was about two days ago. I made it to the truck stop and started begging for ride. An older guy, he offered me a ride and brought me all the way here. I didn't know where else to go Kate. I was afraid he'd kill me if he found me." Julie told her and pulled the turtleneck she was wearing down so Kate could see the bruising.

Her neck had distinct hand prints where he'd choked her, the bruising purple and swollen. She pulled her shirt up halfway to show Kate that her abdomen, back and ribs were covered in bruises.

"Jack!" Kate called.

"No Kate, I don't want to show anyone else." Julie protested.

"Julie, he's a doctor and you need to let him look at this and make sure you're okay." Kate argued.

"No, he'll call the police and then I'll have to go back." Julie cried.

"Police or no police, you aren't going back." Jack stated as he walked into the room.

He walked over to Julie, knelt in front of her and pulled the collar of her turtleneck back gently and shook his head.

"You can't make promises like that Jack. They'll make me go back, I'm still a minor." Julie argued.

"Where else did he hit you?" Jack asked, ignoring her pleas.

"She's got bruises all over her Jack. Bad ones." Kate answered.

Jack stood and pulled Kate away to talk to her.

"Are all the fucking men in that town you're from crazy?" Jack asked unable to hold back the disgust and anger he was feeling.

"What are we going to do Jack?" Kate asked.

"She needs to be examined by a doctor Kate." Jack told her.

"No, I'm okay." Julie protested.

"You aren't okay, your neck isn't okay. You need medical attention." Jack stated firmly.

"You're a doctor, why can't you do it?" Julie asked.

"If you're not going to get all shy and embarrassed I'd be more than happy to look at your injuries. Go in the bedroom and take your shirt off so I can get a good look at your bruises." Jack told her his tone cold and clinical.

"No problem doc. Should I take my bra off too so you can get an eyeful, cop a feel?" Julie shot back sarcastically.

"Julie! That's enough!" Kate scolded her.

"Unless you've got an injury to one of your breasts that needs to be looked at, you can leave your bra on. Any more questions? Do you want me to treat you or do you want to go to the hospital?" Jack asked still maintaining a calm, professional tone.

"No, I'd rather you do it." Julie answered softly.

"Let's go." Jack said and gestured toward the hall the led to his bedroom.

Kate led Julie past him and into the bedroom. He watched Kate sit Julie on the side of the bed and help her remove the turtleneck she was wearing, startled by the amount of bruising covering her torso.

He approached her, bent over placing his hands on his thighs just above his knees and spoke to her.

"Can you lay down for me?" Jack asked in a comforting tone followed with a gentle smile.

Julie lay back on the bed, scooting over far enough so he could sit beside her. He had her turn her head so he could examine the bruising on her neck. It went all the way around to the back and she winced when he pressed on the one area that concerned him the most.

"Sorry, can you turn onto your side for me? I want to look at your back." He asked.

She turned onto her side. He lifted her hair and pressed on the back of her neck making her jump again.

"Does that hurt or did I scare you?" He asked.

"It hurts." She answered.

He moved his hands up and down her spine, making her wince again when he felt around at the top. He visually inspected the bruises on her back, feeling a couple of them to make sure what was underneath felt normal.

"What the hell did he hit you with?" Jack asked.

"His fists." Julie answered.

"Okay, turn back over onto your back." He instructed.

She slowly rolled back onto her back, the pain it caused obvious. He gently moved his fingers over what appeared to be the edge of a bite mark on her inside portion of her left breast. Most of the bite was covered by her bra.

"He bit you?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, when he was trying to force me to….you know." Julie explained.

"How big is the bite?" Jack asked trying hard not make her uncomfortable, but needing to see the rest of it.

Julie put her fingers to the edge of the cup of her bra and pulled it back enough for him to see the whole bite. He nodded at her and she put the cup back. He looked at her left arm. It was severely bruised from the elbow to the wrist, like it had been held tightly and twisted mercilessly. He took hold of her arm and looked at her.

"This is probably going to hurt." He warned her and began pressing and squeezing at the elbow all the way down, feeling to make sure the joint and the bones were still where they're supposed to be. He touched her wrist lightly and she let out scream and tears began streaming down her face. He ignored the tears and pressed over her abdomen breathing a sigh of relief that it didn't appear to be overly tender and that everything felt normal.

"You've got a pretty severe whiplash type injury to your neck. Did he slam you against a wall or something?" Jack asked.

"Yes, it's not broken is it?" Julie asked.

"I don't think it is, but there could be a crack in there that I can't feel. It hurts badly though doesn't it?" Jack asked her, making eye contact with her.

She looked at him, seeing that she could trust him.

"Yes, it does. It's hard to hold my head up." Julie admitted.

"Whether it's cracked or not, it should be in a brace for a few days, give it time to heal, allow the muscles to relax and strengthen. That bite is infected and your wrist is broken. Your wrist will have to be surgically set, the injury has gone unattended for too long." He said.

"No! Please." Julie cried.

"Julie, I have a friend I can call, Michelle Reed. She's a nice orthopedic doctor that can go ahead and get pictures of your neck and wrist and get your neck in a brace, clean up that bite and schedule you for surgery for the wrist. Let me go call her and we'll take you to her office. Everything will be okay. I promise." He told her.

"She's really got to have surgery Jack? You can't do whatever she needs to have done?" Kate asked.

"First of all, I'm not even supposed to be practicing medicine right now and second, trying to treat her in this bedroom would be inflicting a whole lot of unnecessary pain on her. She needs to be in a sterile environment where her pain can be managed. It's a very minor surgery. Deaden the arm and set it. She wouldn't even have to stay overnight." He explained.

"Why do we have to do this? I'd be okay." Julie complained.

"Look, we aren't on an island anymore and nobody is running anymore. Julie you need proper medical treatment and Kate when we're done we'll do whatever we have to do so that she can stay here with us legally. You're her sister, it's not like anyone is going to deny you the right to be her guardian and I doubt anyone is going to complain anyway." Jack said.

"You'd want me to stay here?" Julie asked.

"Sure, why not? I never really understood why we didn't reunite you two once Kate was free, but I also decided it was none of my business and didn't push the issue, but you made it my business when you showed up at my front door all beat up and probably hungry, so you're staying. You'll like it here." Jack said and smiled at her.

He stood and let Kate sit down beside her.

"Do you want me here Kate?" Julie asked.

"Of course I do sweetie. I wanted to bring you here months ago, but you didn't seem to want to come so I let it be your decision." Kate told her.

"I'm going to go call Michelle and see what time she can see her. Maybe Julie would like to clean up and then we can go grab a bite to eat. I hear Riley stirring in there so if you two ladies will excuse me, I'm going to go take care of her." Jack said and left the room.

"He's really nice Kate, I can't believe you ever fight with him." Julie told her.

"He is nice Julie, probably the kindest, sweetest man I've ever know, but he is also very stubborn and bull-headed as well as introverted, the latter being what causes most of our arguments. He keeps too much inside and so do I, but we're working through it." Kate explained.

"But you love him right?" Julie asked.

"More than anything. Now, let's get you a bath and some clean clothes." Kate said and helped her sit up.

Kate and Jack took Julie to the doctor and her wrist was surgically repaired two days later. They set her up a bed in Riley's bedroom, the need for a bigger house becoming more of an issue, but other than the lack of privacy at times, the confined togetherness something none of them seemed to mind that much. Jack and Kate got married three days after Julie's surgery in front of a Justice of the Peace, with Claire and Hurley as their witnesses. Jack helped Sawyer find a home. Claire and Aaron continued to stay with Hurley until she decided what she wanted to do. Sawyer wanted Claire and the baby to move in with him, but there was no mention of wedding plans, and Claire's previous situation with Thomas made her leery of getting into another arrangement like that, especially with a baby to think about. Jack could see Sawyer fighting the urge or need to slip back into the life he knew before, his relationship with Claire and her baby the only thing keeping him honest and in one place and that worried Jack. He and Sawyer had become closer over the months, neither really picking at the other anymore, both the closest thing to a brother either would ever know. Jack didn't want to get caught in the middle because he cared very much about both Claire and Sawyer.

Jack continued on his medical leave, seeing the staff psychologist regularly and doing his best to get his personal life organized. He and Kate found a beautiful home in Pasadena and were waiting for the paperwork to go through. It was summer and Jack hadn't heard from Sarah, which made him a little nervous. He hadn't spoken to his mother since the day Sarah cornered him in the lobby and was waiting patiently for the next bomb to drop. He was back to work and Kate was glad to have him back to work deciding an idle Jack was a bad thing. His nightmares weren't nearly as frequent, he was sleeping much better and the anxiety attacks had all but disappeared.

He woke first that morning, listening for the sounds of either Riley or Julie moving around, excited that today he and Kate were going to see their baby for the first time and hopefully find out it was healthy and perfect and maybe even the sex. Once he was certain Julie and Riley were both still sleeping he sat up on one elbow and began moving his hands lightly over Kate, finally drawing a light moan from her, eyes slowly opening and smiling at him. She looked around, confused for a moment.

"I put Riley back in her bed about three o'clock this morning. I couldn't handle that foot in my ribs any longer." Jack told her.

"She's been pretty restless. Do you think her having to come to bed with us every night is because of Julie?" Kate asked.

"I doubt it. I think it's because she's two and knows she's got her daddy wrapped around her little finger." Jack laughed.

"So I guess you want to fool around huh?" Kate asked and winked at him.

"Well, with all the traffic that comes through here, it's been awhile." He said.

"I know and I'm thinking you better finish what you started before someone comes through the door." Kate told him and pulled him down, kissing him and positioning herself beneath him, his hardness brushing against her.

It didn't take long and she felt him inside of her, holding his position for a moment and kissing her. He began moving and she could feel her orgasm building quickly, two or three more thrusts and he'd get her there. He pushed in hard and deep, arms extended, ready to pick up his pace and get both of them over the edge when he heard the knock on the door and dropped down, burying his face in the pillow beside Kate's head.

"Kate, Jack, Riley needs you really bad." Julie called.

"Fuck!" Jack groaned into the pillow.

"Can you give me a few minutes Julie, I just woke up." Kate asked.

"I don't think so guys, she's got a really bad stomach issue I think and it's running up her back and down her legs." Julie told them obviously grossed out by the situation.

"Okay, I'm coming!" Kate yelled to her.

"No, but you were close." Jack said and laughed as he moved off of her.

"I was so close." Kate agreed sighing heavily.

"I know, I guess I'll have to make it up to you later. I'll go take care of Riley. I'm sure you don't want to deal with that first thing in the morning." Jack said.

"I'll go run a tub of water, just bring her in here, we'll deal with it together." Kate said.

Jack pulled his jeans on and left to retrieve Riley. They cleaned her up together and Jack left for work shortly after, confirming that he was supposed to meet Kate later in the day for the ultrasound.

Jack was sitting in his office going through charts, leaving instructions for the nurses and signing reports when she walked through the door. He looked at his watch, relieved that she was very early and he hadn't actually missed something so important.

"Did we have lunch plans?" Jack asked.

"No, but I thought I'd stop by anyway and see if you wanted to have lunch plans." Kate answered.

He sat back in his chair and smiled at her before motioning for her to come and sit with him. She walked in behind the desk and let him pull her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her tightly and kissing her.

"You okay?" He asked noticing that she wasn't in any hurry to leave his embrace, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Yes, I just miss you." She sighed.

"Kate, you just saw me about three hours ago." Jack said with a light laugh.

"I know, but things are pretty crowded at home and if you and I don't have sex pretty soon, I can't be held responsible for my actions." Kate complained making him laugh.

"We sort of had sex this morning." He offered.

"Jack, that wouldn't even classify as an appetizer. Are you not going as crazy as I am?" Kate asked her voice shrieking slightly.

"I think men just get used to always being horny so we don't notice it as being out of the ordinary." He teased.

"Are you too busy to take a break?" Kate asked nibbling on his neck and moving her hand over the crotch of his pants. He pulled her hand away almost giggling at her.

"I've heard that some pregnant women experience an increased appetite for sex, but never dreamed I'd get to experience it first hand. Being seduced in my office by a beautiful, pregnant woman definitely rates as one of the top three ultimate turn-ons." Jack told her kissing her softly, his mouth wet and hungry.

"Yeah, so why are you pushing my hand away. I want what's in those pants mister and I want it now." Kate demanded in a soft, sexy tone, making him take a deep breath and clear his throat.

"I'd love to give it to you, but I can't. Sawyer is coming to see me and will be here any minute." Jack told her.

"Sawyer? Is he sick?" Kate asked.

"I don't think so. I think he just wants to talk. He and Claire are probably fighting or something." Jack sighed heavily.

"Yeah, they are. I talked to Claire yesterday. Jack, I'm glad you and Sawyer are friends, but right now I wish he was still calling you names and pissing you off." Kate pouted making him laugh.

"You and I are going to have an evening alone." Jack promised.

"When?" Kate asked.

"Tonight if I can get Jennifer to keep Riley. We'll go out and celebrate the ultrasound results. Nice dinner and a nice, cozy, private room some place where we can get reacquainted." Jack told her and kissed her again.

"Sounds wonderful and since you have a lunch date with your boyfriend I will go have lunch with Jennifer and see if she can keep Riley for us." Kate said and kissed him one more time before sliding out of his lap, the loss of her body heat making him groan.

He watched her walk out of his office and tried to refocus on his work again, finding the task nearly impossible, visions of her continuing to cloud his thoughts. He would definitely be making his morning rounds late the next day he decided and chuckled to himself, ready to give up on the files when Sawyer walked through the door.

"Hey doc." Sawyer said as he entered the room and sat on the other side of the desk.

"What's up?" Jack asked.

"If I was sick, you couldn't tell anyone about it. Right?" Sawyer asked.

"Depends on what's wrong with you. There are some things I'm obligated to report. What's going on?" Jack asked.

"I think I just need an antibiotic doc." Sawyer said.

"Why would you think that?" Jack asked.

"Because it burns like hell when I take a piss. Okay?" Sawyer grumbled.

Jack looked at him, wanting to be disgusted with him, wanting to get mad at him, but not being able to get past the tormented look in his eyes. He pulled out a prescription pad, scribbled something on it and handed it across the desk to him.

"That's it? No lecture? No holier than thou speech about what I'm throwing away?" Sawyer asked.

"You're a grown man Sawyer, it's not my place to lecture you and I'm the last person to make speeches about relationships since I don't handle them much better than you do." Jack admitted.

"Yeah, how many times have you cheated doc?" Sawyer asked sarcastically.

"Cheating isn't the only way to destroy a relationship Sawyer. You wanna talk about it?" Jack asked.

"You gonna tell Claire or Kate about this?" Sawyer asked.

"Doctor/patient confidentiality Sawyer, I can't tell them anything you don't want me to tell them. What's going on? I thought this thing with Claire was something you wanted." Jack pushed.

"Maybe I ain't what she needs, maybe that boy of hers needs a decent role model in his life." Sawyer offered.

"Like the role models we had?" Jack asked.

"I don't think I can be what she needs. Can you see me as a 9 to 5 husband and daddy?" Sawyer laughed.

"I hear you're doing great at your job and yeah, I could see you taking your kid fishing, teaching him how to catch things." Jack said making Sawyer laugh.

"How to catch things? I'm still amazed that a city boy like you managed to survive so well on a deserted island." Sawyer commented.

"A jungle is a jungle I guess, doesn't matter whether it's of the cement or tree variety. So why are you trying so hard to sabotage the first good thing that's happened to you since, well from what I've heard, ever?" Jack asked.

"Why do you try to sabotage what you've got doc?" Sawyer replied hatefully.

"I guess because I'm afraid of believing in something that good, that if I allow myself to be sucked in completely it'll just blow up in my face, but I don't get away with withdrawing these days. In case you didn't notice, Kate isn't one to put up with something she doesn't like." Jack laughed.

"Yeah I can see Freckles setting you straight, but Claire isn't like that. She seems so fragile, like she's just ready to trust me to take care of her and her kid. Hell doc, I can't even take care of myself." Sawyer said.

"Sawyer, you either want this or you don't. You seem to think you don't deserve anything good in your life. Yeah you had a completely shitty childhood, but jesus man it's time to let go of all that, make a life for yourself, be the kind of man and father that you were denied your entire life." Jack said.

"Thought you weren't going to lecture me." Sawyer grinned.

"I get used to convincing stubborn patients of what they need so I guess I just can't help myself sometimes. Do me a favor?" Jack asked.

"Maybe." Sawyer answered.

"Go home, get over whatever you've contracted, seriously consider an HIV test and make a decision once and for all where Claire is concerned. Both of you deserve to be happy so either do that together or go your separate ways." Jack said.

"Is it that simple doc?" Sawyer asked.

"Yes Sawyer it really is, now if you'll excuse me I have to meet Kate." Jack said.

"Sure thing doc and thanks for the prescription. I'll uh let you know about the decision, but do you really think she's going to want anything to do with me when she finds out I went out and found me a two dollar whore?" Sawyer asked.

"She's not going to find out unless you tell her Sawyer and I don't think you need to tell her. I get why you did it, but she won't and it would just hurt her so maybe it's best if this stays between us." Jack offered.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Jack. Tell Freckles hello for me." Sawyer said as he left Jack's office.

Jack watched him walk away and secretly hoped he would go home and get his act together. He shook his head and laughed at how much trouble he'd be in if Kate ever found out he knew what Sawyer had done and kept it to himself, but he knew there were some things in life that were meant for only men to understand just as women had a laundry list of items that men could never hope to understand.


	28. Chapter 28

Kate squirmed through her lunch with Jennifer, unable to get Jack off her mind. She didn't know if it was the pregnancy or just the lack of intimacy lately or a combination of both that seemed to have her mind focused on wanting him and nothing else, but something had to give because she felt like she was going to explode. As Jennifer told her a story about Nicole's latest boyfriend adventures, Kate's mind wandered, back to Jack's office to the large, oak table in his office and how much fun it would be to pin him to the table and remove his shirt, tie and dress slacks one delicious layer at a time. She caught herself smiling dreamily as she considered this making Jennifer giggle at her and happily agree to take Riley off their hands for the evening.

She lay on the table in the exam room waiting for her doctor to begin the procedure. He sat beside her, talking to her, his eyes warm and sensual, his dark dress shirt fitting snugly to his muscular, toned torso. She realized she'd been day dreaming again when she heard him calling her name.

"I'm sorry, I was thinking about something." She apologized.

"You were certainly out there. Are you nervous, is everything okay?" He asked genuinely concerned making her smile and laugh lightly.

"Do you really me to tell you what I was thinking about?" She asked.

"Of course." He answered.

"I was thinking about how incredibly hot you look in that shirt and how much fun it would be to sit on you and slowly take it off." Kate admitted making him squirm and chuckle lightly.

"Great, how am I supposed sit still and focus after that? I better take it easy the rest of the day and eat a big dinner, I have a feeling I'm going to need all my strength tonight." He said and winked at her.

"You got that right buddy, so what do you want Jack?" Kate asked.

"What do I want?" He asked back confused by the question.

"Yeah, a boy or a girl, what did you think I meant?" She laughed.

"It's hard to tell with you lately, one minute you're being naughty and the next you're talking about patterns for the nursery." He teased.

"I'm sorry. I'm a little crazy today." She apologized.

"Don't apologize, I like it." He said sweetly.

"You didn't answer my question. What's your preference?" She asked.

"My preference is healthy, I don't care what the sex is. I love my little girl to death and another sweet little girl would be great, but I would also enjoy having a son to do guy things with so I'd be just as happy with a boy." He said.

"You can't do guy things with your daughter?" Kate asked his comment hitting the heart of the tomboy in her.

"I didn't mean I plan on raising my daughter to be a frail, prissy little princess, but it'd be a little different with a son." He reasoned.

"Yeah, how's that? What can you do with your son that you can't do with your daughter?" Kate challenged.

"I'll never be able to teach Riley how to write her name in the dirt while she is peeing." He answered with a smug, amused look on his face.

"Jack!" Kate laughed and slapped at his arm.

The doctor walked in, smiling at their laughter and how happy they seemed to be.

"Dr. Shephard." The woman greeted him.

"Dr. Jansen." Jack returned the greeting.

"I guess you two are ready to see your baby?" Dr. Jansen asked.

"Yes." Kate answered.

The doctor began the ultrasound procedure. She moved the scope over the jelly on Kate's almost five months pregnant belly while Jack studied the screen intensely. Kate saw a big smile on his face and breathed a sigh of relief.

"No fair Jack. I have no idea what I'm looking at." Kate pouted.

"The baby looks good Kate, development is on track. I'll let Dr. Jansen show you what to look at. She's better at it than I am." Jack told her.

The doctor started pointing out the heart, the spine, a hand and a foot and the longer Kate watched the clearer it became.

"Can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?" Kate asked.

"Would you like to answer that one Jack?" Dr. Jansen asked.

"You mean you don't want to wait and be surprised Kate?" He teased her.

"I hate surprises Jack." Kate said in her huffy, demanding tone he'd come to know and love while they were on the island.

"I'll tell you tonight over a dinner. Okay?" He offered biting back the ornery grin that was surfacing.

"No that's not okay and if you don't spill your guts right now Jack Shephard there will be no dinner tonight." She demanded making him laugh.

"It's a boy Kate." He told her and kissed her, his eyes showing how happy he was that after losing one son and letting go of another, he was just months away from having the son she knew he wanted badly, but would never admit that it mattered to him.

"I'm going to have a son?" Kate responded the reality of all of it starting to sink in.

"It is definitely a boy and he looks absolutely perfect. Congratulations. I'll leave you two alone so you can get dressed Kate and I'll see you in a month. Okay?" Dr. Jansen said.

"Okay and thanks." Kate said.

"Thanks Elizabeth." Jack said.

"My pleasure Jack, are you coming by later to talk to the Mitchell baby's parents?" She asked.

"Four o'clock right?" Jack asked.

"Yes, I'll meet you there, room 4219." Dr. Jansen said and left the room.

As soon as the door closed Jack stood and helped Kate sit up. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly before kissing her deeply, finally pulling back, smiling at her, eyes watery, his emotions starting to take over.

"I guess you're happy." She said and hugged him again, holding him close to her becoming overwhelmed by how emotional this moment was for him realizing all over again what it was about him that made her love him so much.

"Every obstacle you and I have faced was worth the battle Kate, yes of course I'm happy, happier than I've ever been in my life." He said.

He waited for her to get dressed and walked her to the elevators.

"What time are you coming home?" Kate asked.

"The last thing I have today is the consult at 4 o'clock so I should be home pretty early." He said.

"Is this baby you're going to talk about going to be okay?" Kate asked.

"He'll have his share of obstacles to overcome, but he'll live." Jack answered her in his clinical tone.

She hated that tone no matter how many times she heard it. She knew Jack had two very different and distinct sides to him, but always struggled with accepting how impersonal and almost cold his professional side could be.

"I know you think I'm being cold Kate, but I have to distance myself emotionally from my patients as much as possible in order to be able to perform the risky procedures most of them need, not to mention maintain my sanity." Jack defended himself.

"I know. I shouldn't ask if I don't want to hear the truth. We aren't going to fight and ruin this day and what I have planned for you tonight so I'm sorry I gave you the look." Kate apologized.

"Mmm, you have plans for me? I bet they can't top what I've got planned if I get this one last detail taken care of in time. Want to do me a favor?" Jack asked as he faced her and put his hands on her hips.

"Sure." Kate said.

"I have a couple of documents the title company wants so we can go ahead and close on the house on Friday. If you could drop them off for me I'll be your love slave for life." He said.

"You already are, but I'll do it anyway." She told him and stepped onto the elevator with him.

"They're in my office." He said and pushed the button for the floor he worked on.

She followed him into his office and watched him dig though a stack of papers, his back to her, bent over slightly, the back of his pants fitting snugly over his butt. When he turned around she was smiling at him. He smiled back at her, handed her the documents and then finally asked her if she wanted him to walk her out. As she gazed at him her mind wandered back to the thoughts she was having during her lunch with Jennifer and she wondered if she would get any resistance from him. He was at work and was dressed in a manner that seemed to suggest no nonsense, but would those factors affect his libido? She moved closer to him, put her arms around his neck and kissed him. He placed his hands on the small of her back and pulled her toward him. He smiled at her and looked at her with questioning eyes.

She moved away from him toward the door, locked it and walked back to him, putting her arms around his neck again. He wrapped his arms around her and again.

"Okay Kate, what's up?" He asked.

"Hopefully you will be in a few minutes." She said and began kissing him again.

She began slowly pushing him backwards until the back of his legs hit the oak table. She put her mouth to his ear and whispered that she wanted him as she pushed him backward onto the table and straddled him.

"Kate, we can't. I've……" He tried to object her mouth closing over his again before he could finish.

She laid over him and kissed him, biting at his lips so that he would completely understand her hunger. She pulled back so she could read his eyes, see if he was going to continue to resist.

"You win." He said as he placed his hands on either side of her face and pulled her back down to him.

He kissed her back until she pulled away again and began untying his tie. He smiled at her and let her go until she began struggling with it to the point of choking him. He sat up with her in his lap and loosened the tie from his collar for her. She slowly pulled the tie away from his shirt and tossed it to the floor. She unbuttoned a couple of buttons on his shirt and began tugging at it until she had pulled all of it out of his pants.

He asked her if she wanted some help and she told him no as she pushed him back down on the table and finished unbuttoning his shirt. The skin on his exposed chest was warm and the faint smell of his cologne was all over him. She quickly removed the skirt and shirt she had on while he helped her unhook her bra. She lay over his chest and stomach and moaned lightly. He smelled so good and he felt so warm and soothing to her as she moved her plump breasts over him and ran her wet tongue over his nipples making the grip his hands had on her back a little tighter. She sat up still straddling him wearing nothing but her panties now and he instinctively placed both hands over her breasts, caressing them firmly yet gently. He sat up again and buried his face between her breasts before he began taking each one into his mouth, teasing the nipple with his tongue causing her to moan and press her crotch into him as hard as she could. He had her hypnotized with pleasure, but she came back around when she felt him slip his hand inside her panties.

She pushed him back down on the table and straddled him again. She had a knee on either side of his waist and he reached up and pulled her panties down as far as he could without tearing them. She turned around and straddled him again. With her back to him and a partially exposed ass she reached down and unfastened his pants. As she reached for the zipper she felt him tugging at her panties again. She warned him not to tear them as she pulled the zipper of his pants down and reached inside. His erection was impressive and he squirmed slightly as she slipped her hand inside his boxers and moved it gently over his warm, hard cock. She could feel his hands groping at her crotch and could feel the wetness building. He very matter-of-factly told her she could get the panties out of his way or he would rip them off of her. She needed her panties to get through the rest of the day so she stood over him on the table, turned to face him, and slowly slithered them off of her body.

He looked up at her, grinned an ornery grin, patted the cheeks on his face, and suggested she have a seat. She came back down and straddled him. He could feel her hot wetness on his stomach and could barely control the urge to take control of the situation and bury himself inside of her. She bent forward and kissed him passionately rubbing her hot, hungry crotch up and down over his exposed flesh as her tongue worked in rhythm with his. She could feel his hands moving firmly over her lower back, butt, and thighs. He was squirming in a somewhat desperate manner and she knew he was teetering on the edge and would try to take control of things if she pushed him too far. She pulled out of the kiss and smiled at him. She moved down some and he immediately pulled his pants and boxers down to his knees. She could feel the tip of his cock grazing the outside of her opening and she slowly moved herself back and forth over it while she ran her tongue over his chest and stomach. He was squirming, groaning and beginning to pant and she knew he couldn't take much more of the teasing.

She could feel him moving the head of his cock into position to penetrate her and she relaxed and let herself absorb every inch of him as she sat up straight and pushed herself onto him as hard as she could getting off immediately as she did so. She continued grinding into his pelvic area until the orgasm was over and then moved forward until her hands came to rest on either side him. She began to move back and forth and could feel his cock growing harder inside of her. He sat up and pulled her into his chest, kissing her passionately while pushing himself in deeper. He lifted her and lay her back on the cushions of the couch beside the table, keeping her butt right at the edge, staying on his knees and gliding her legs up until her calves were resting comfortably on his shoulders. He pushed himself in and out of her at a slow pace, allowing his cock to go deeper and deeper with each thrust, taking control of the situation, putting his thumb in her mouth for her to suck on it and then bring it back down and massaging her clit with it while he moved in and out feeling her start to clench around him again, and her moans start to increase in volume.

"Shh, no screaming." He warned.

His warning did no good once the orgasm hit. She squealed and cried-out at such a high pitch he immediately clamped a hand over her mouth, trying not to scream himself as he pushed into her one final time and let go, breathing hard, jerking a couple of times before settling completely and then slowly gliding her legs down from his shoulders and to each side of him so she could relax. He gently lifted her toward him and wrapped his arms around her again, still inside of her, neither in any hurry to separate.

"Thank you for not resisting. I really needed to be with you." Kate whispered in his ear.

"As if I could ever resist you for very long." He said sweetly and kissed her one more time before moving away from her.

They pulled themselves together and he walked her out, promising he would be home early. He finished his work, had his consultation with the parents of a newborn with spinal deformities and made good on his promise to be home early. He pulled into the parking garage just before 5 PM and he spotted them just as he was about to get out of his car. He watched for a moment to determine if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing before quietly exiting his car and walking toward them, managing to walk right up on them completely unnoticed.

"What are you doing down here Julie?" He asked making both of them jump.

"Jesus Jack, make some noise next time." Julie said holding one hand behind her back.

"Who are you?" Jack asked the guy standing next to Julie.

"I'm Dylan. Who are you?" The guy responded in a disrespectful, punk like manner that suited his overall appearance.

"Doesn't matter who I am, how old are you Dylan?" Jack asked with an edginess to his voice.

"I'm 22, how old are you?" Dylan answered.

"Don't you think you're just a little too old to be hanging around a 16 year old kid, not to mention supplying her beer?" Jack asked as he forced Julie's arm out in front of her.

"I'll be 17 in two weeks Jack and this is none of your business!" Julie snapped at him.

"Wow 17, ready to take on the world. You (pointing at Dylan) get out of here and you (pointing at Julie) come with me." Jack ordered taking Julie by the arm.

She jerked away from him and swung around.

"You aren't my father, you can't tell me what to do!" Julie yelled.

"You live under my roof and are my responsibility so yes I can tell you what to do and I'm telling you right now that hell will freeze over before I sit back and put up with this. You want to drink beer with boys your own age, that's normal, this however is unacceptable and I'm guessing Kate would agree with me." Jack told her, his face in her face, his eyes angry and letting her know that he was still the adult and she was the kid and that this wasn't up for debate.

"Dude, you need to chill out. We're just hanging out, nobody's falling in love here or anything." Dylan told him.

"Shut up! You need to go crawl back into whatever hole you crawled out of and stay away from her. Are we clear?" Jack told him his tone and his face threatening, his size intimidating.

"God you're such an ass, I can't believe my sister married such an uptight prick." Julie seethed.

Jack didn't respond, deciding that verbally sparring with a teenager would be immature on his part. He took hold of her arm and led her out of the parking garage and into the lobby. They stood in front of the elevator.

"You going to tell Kate?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, but not right now, we are going out for the evening and I don't want to spoil it for her." Jack said calmly.

"Who is taking care of Riley?" Julie snapped.

"Have we ever asked you to baby sit Julie?" He shot back.

"No and I don't want to." Julie said.

"The feeling is mutual so don't worry about it. What the hell is your problem, other than you're age I mean?" Jack asked.

"I don't have any problems Jack and I'm sorry okay." She mumbled.

He looked at her and reminded himself that her life hadn't been all that rosy and that she's adjusting and that he needed to be more patient.

"Apology accepted. We're moving in a few days Julie, you'll have some space, all of us will. Maybe that will make things a little easier for you." He offered as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Whatever Jack, things are fine." She continued to mumble.

He sighed heavily and decided to back off, let her stew. He hoped that once they moved and stabilized some and she started her final year of high school things would get a little easier for her, but until then 22 year old punks were not going to fill the void.

When they came through the door Kate could feel the tension between them. Julie walked through the living room and went straight to the room she shared with Riley. Jack walked in, sat down next to Kate and began removing his tie.

"What's going on?" Kate asked.

"Nothing, she's just a little put out with me." Jack answered.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Because she was hanging out in the parking garage again and I made come up with me." Jack sighed.

"I'm sorry Jack. I know she's being a bit of a pain. I don't know what's going on with her." Kate apologized.

"You don't have to apologize Kate. We're a family and let's be realistic about it, none of us really have a clue what it means to be a family, but we'll figure it out." Jack offered.

"Thank you, I know it's an adjustment. I'll talk to her, let her know she's a guest and to tow the line." Kate said.

"Kate, she's not a guest. She's your sister and she's just a kid. It's okay if she acts out, I just don't want her to get hurt. I want her to feel like she belongs and hopefully let her enjoy being a kid while she still can." Jack said.

Kate was about to respond when they heard Riley crying. Jack was up and headed toward her bedroom and met the toddler in the hallway. He reached down and picked her up. She held her hand up for Jack to see. He could see it was very red on top, like someone had slapped it.

"What happened baby?" He asked and kissed the top of her hand.

"Joowie mean." Riley cried.

Kate flew past him and he managed to catch her before she went crazy on Julie.

"Kate, wait, let's see what happened." Jack warned.

They entered the room and Julie looked at both of them.

"What? I didn't hurt her, I just slapped her hand." Julie said.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Because she was in my stuff again. She's a brat and needs to learn to keep her hands off of things that don't belong to her." Julie bit back at Kate.

"She's two and she's curious Julie." Jack told her, his tone suggesting he wasn't happy with her.

"Am I supposed to be surprised that you'd take her side?" Julie shot back.

"Would you listen to yourself! She's a baby Julie, whose side do you think any of us would take when it come somebody hitting her. Now apologize!" Kate yelled getting very upset.

"Kate, it's okay. It's not worth you getting this upset over. We'll work it out later when emotions aren't running so high." Jack said as he held her close to him rubbing his hand over her back trying to calm her down.

"I'm sorry Jack." Kate apologized.

"Don't be sorry. Go get ready for dinner and I'll get Riley ready to go to Jennifer's for the night." Jack told her as he continued to hug her while giving Julie a look that made the teenager feel the guilt he'd hoped was in there some place.

She pulled away from him and before she could get out of the room Julie quickly called out.

"I'm sorry Kate, please don't be upset. I'll be more patient with Riley I promise." Julie told her.

"Okay Julie." Kate said and left the room.

Jack put Riley down and looked for the small backpack they always packed when she spent the day or night with Jennifer. Riley pulled on his pant leg until he picked her back up. The room was so messy he couldn't locate the backpack.

"Have you seen her backpack?" Jack asked Julie.

"Yeah, it's under her bed." Julie answered.

Jack bent down with Riley on his hip and felt under the bed. He pulled dirty laundry and toys and magazines out and finally the backpack.

"You guys think you could pick up once in awhile?" Jack asked his tone flustered.

"I'm sorry I slapped her Jack. You can hit me back if you want." Julie told him making him stop what he was doing and look at her.

"I don't want to hit you Julie, but if you hit Riley again there will be consequences. Okay?" Jack said.

"You going to send me back to Iowa?" Julie asked.

"Do you want to go back to Iowa?" Jack asked.

"No." Julie answered.

"Okay then, nobody is going to back to Iowa." He said and sat beside her on the bed with Riley in his lap.

"I'm sorry Riley." Julie said and kissed her hand.

"Do me a favor Julie?" Jack asked.

"What's that?" Julie asked.

"Try a little harder to make this your home and try to not upset Kate so much. It's not good for her or the baby." Jack said.

Julie didn't answer. Her eyes filled with tears and they began streaming down her face. Jack wasn't sure what was going on with her or what he should do, he could only imagine what things had been like for her before and after Wayne's death, followed by her mother's death while dealing with all the questions about her sister the fugitive. That she was willing to let him hit her as payback for hitting Riley made him believe her foster families hadn't been as ideal as she wanted Kate to believe. He finally put his arm around her, gave her a tight squeeze and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you going to be okay? We can stay home tonight." He offered.

"No, don't do that. I think I'm going to hang out with Nicole tonight, Jennifer invited me." Julie said.

"You're sure?" He asked.

"I'm sure. You're too nice to me Jack, I don't deserve it." Julie said.

"Everyone deserves kindness Julie. I better finish packing her up for the night so I can get ready for dinner myself." He said.

"Go play with her Jack, she hasn't seen you all day. I'll pack her stuff for you." Julie offered.

"You sure?" He asked.

"Yes, please, it's the least I can do." Julie told him.

Jack left the room and played with Riley until Kate was showered and dressed. He excused himself, showered and dressed too and they were ready to go. They dropped Riley off with all the necessary instructions and headed out to dinner. They had a quiet, dinner in the darkened corner of the restaurant in the lobby of the hotel where he'd reserved a penthouse suite for them. Julie wasn't brought up again. Kate was glowing with happiness and he preferred to keep her that way for the night.

His hands managed to find their way under the table, gently gliding over the hot spots he'd become very familiar with, teasing her and making her squirm. His hand was under her dress, gliding along the inside of her thighs, finally slipping a finger inside the crotch of her panties, drawing a heavy sigh from her. He kissed her lightly and smiled at her, enjoying that he had her so flushed with desire. His smile was quickly replaced with wide eyes and a not so convincing warning to stop as her hand unbuttoned and unzipped him and crept inside his pants. He was hard from the foreplay that had been going on under the table and she wrapped her hand around the hard, silky appendage, kissing him and moaning into his mouth.

"I'm going to make you come." She whispered into his ear.

"Kate." He whispered in a breathy tone, knowing he should tell her no, but not really wanting to.

"Just relax and enjoy." She told him as she nonchalantly dropped the cloth napkin over his lap.

She began rubbing her thumb over his tip, taking the juices there and moistening the rest of his hard member, her hand gently gliding up and down, his breath starting to hitch followed by a deep intake of breath on her part when she felt his finger slip inside of her.

She continued to work his cock between her fingers, knowing she had him close and he wouldn't be able to focus on getting her off. She felt his finger slip out and felt his body give in completely to her and before long she felt his warmth oozing over her hand as he did his best to maintain control of his facial features and the desire to make noises that wouldn't normally be heard in a restaurant.

She kissed him deeply and helped him clean himself up with the napkin. He finally took over and finished the job, putting himself back inside his pants and zipping himself up. He smiled at her and kissed her again.

"I can't believe you just did that." He laughed.

"I can't either, but it was incredibly hot. Are you ready to go?" She asked.

"Yes, I am and when we get upstairs, it's going to be my turn to play." He said.

He paid their bill and escorted her to the suite he had reserved. He put the key in the door and told her wait until he got the lights. She saw the lights go on and then he opened both doors to the suite to give her the full affect. She felt herself becoming emotional as she saw the balloons floating around, the big cake, and the "It's a boy!" banner hanging in the middle of the room.

He took her hand and pulled her gently into the room with him and closed the doors. She was still speechless and he pulled her close to him. He kissed her and handed her a small gift and could see that her eyes were watering up.

"I love you more than my last breath Kate so no tears, you deserve this." He told her.

She opened his gift. It was a business card for a travel agency.

"What's this?" She asked.

"That's the honeymoon we never took. You pick a time and a place and we're there, just you and me." He said as she put her arms around his neck and kissed him for a long time.

"Jack, you always make me feel so special. I can never do the things for you that you do for me." She told him, hugging him enjoying the feeling of his strong arms around her.

"You do more for me than any woman ever has, emotionally and physically." He told her and kissed her again.

He took her hand and led her deeper into the suite. He led her into the bedroom of the suite and sat on the foot of the bed. He pulled her into his lap and smiled at her.

"I have a surprise for you that I'm impressed I was able to pull off with such short notice. Feel like playing a game?" He asked seductively.

"Of course." She agreed.

"You have to wear a blind fold." He said.

She agreed and let him place the blindfold over her eyes. She stood blindfolded and could feel him pulling the zipper of her dress down slowly.

"Would you like some help?" She asked.

"Undressing you is part of the fun so don't deny me the pleasure." He answered.

"Yes, but fighting your attempts to undress me could be fun too." She teased.

"That can be another game for another time and one I'm looking forward to playing." He said as he slowly slipped the straps of her dress off of her shoulders.

She could feel the dress slithering slowly down over her body until it finally slid down past her knees to the floor. He continued on slowly and sensuously removing each item of clothing from her body making sure his strong warm hands touched her in all the right places. She was down to her panties and she reached out to touch him. His chest was bare so had he managed to remove his clothes simultaneously with hers? She continued to move closer to him and move her hands around. She moved her hands around his back and could feel his bare ass. She pulled him close and squeezed with both hands. She could feel all of him pressed up against her stomach, crotch, and thighs and shivered with raw excitement.

"It's been entirely too long since I've had my hands all over your ass Jack." She said to him in a hot, lustful tone.

"I agree and I promise to make up for lost time, but you have to turn loose for now." He coaxed and felt her reluctantly let go of him.

She felt his fingers slip around the waistband of her panties as he slowly pulled them down just barely above the halfway point of her thighs. She couldn't see him, but she could smell him and feel him moving his hands over her butt and then she felt him hold onto her as he went down to his knees and began nipping lightly at her butt and the tops of her thighs. She moaned as the aching in her crotch become intense. She could feel him slither slowly around to her front, his breath hot on her center as he tugged the panties down a little closer to her knees. She felt his thumbs gently part her, followed by soft, gentle kisses over the exposed area and she wondered how long it would be before her knees would give out on her.

His thumbs let go and she felt his hand moving over the inside of her thighs and then brush lightly over her crotch. When she felt him slip a finger inside of her she moaned and fell forward slightly. He held onto her and steadied her and then she felt his wet hot mouth on her crotch and squealed when he put his tongue inside her slit and ran it up and down. He began to glide her backward slowly until the back of her legs hit the bed. He lay her back, blind fold still in place, removed her panties the rest of the way and buried his face between her legs, the inability to see heightening the sensation, making her cry out and encourage him to continue on. He felt the quivering and heard his name over and over simultaneously as her wetness covered his face, her thighs clamped tightly around him, holding him in place until she was finished.

When she let go of him he wiped his face over the bedspread and stood, pulling her up with him. He kneeled down in front of her again. She was still shaking as he moved his mouth up over her belly and took each breast into his mouth. He nibbled around her neck, ran his wet tongue inside her ear, and finally placed his mouth over hers and kissed her hungrily. He pulled out of the kiss and held on to her. She could feel his cock pressed up against her and she couldn't stand it anymore.

"Jack I want you now." She told him.

"I guess you're ready for your surprise then." He said and kissed once more.

He scooped her up into his arms and carried her out to the patio of the penthouse. She could tell they were outside, but had no idea why. She could feel him lowering her and then she could feel a cool sensation as her body sank into a jelly-like substance. It felt strange and good at the same time and she felt her head come to rest on something firm, but soft, almost like an air mattress. She felt him work his way in-between her legs and then felt his cock slide inside of her hard, deep and carrying a load of the jelly substance with it. It was a feeling she couldn't describe and as he began making love to her with the jelly substance oozing between them and all around them she began coming immediately and her screams echoing into to the night air making him harder. He could feel her fingernails digging into his back as the orgasm rocked her body and he pushed himself in harder and deeper, quickening his pace and making her crazy.

She had no idea where they were, but knew she had never felt anything that felt as good as what was happening to her. The cool, squishy jelly all around her and his hard hot body on top of her, pressing, pumping, and grinding slowly, then steadily, then so fast she could hear the substance sloshing around them. He continued on, as crazed with desire as she was his breathing getting more and more labored as he pushed himself into her at a now frenzied pace. He had worked himself into that area of agony where exhaustion was becoming a factor and relief wouldn't come. She had been with him enough to recognize it and while it was to her benefit to let him keep going she loved that she could not only bring him off with the sound of her voice, but the pleasure that he seemed to get from it. She pulled his head close to her so she could whisper into his ear. She nibbled on his ear lobe and ran her tongue over the outer edge of his ear and he began to relax a little and slow his pace down and she began whispering the dirty words into his ear. It wasn't any particular words. It didn't matter as long as he could hear her voice talking to him in a manner she only used when they were making love and she couldn't see him, but she could feel and hear his pleasure as he came.

They lay still for a few minutes, catching their breath and letting their heart rates return to normal. She felt him pull out of her and then felt his hands removing the blind fold. She looked up at him in the dim light and he had what looked like green slime all over his chest, arms, hands, and a little on his face. She glanced down at her own body submerged in the green goo and then back up at him.

"What is this stuff?" She asked.

"It's lime jello." He said as he grabbed a towel and wiped the green stuff from his face, making her laugh and allow him to pull her up to a seated position.

She looked around. They were lying one of those inflatable rectangular swimming pools that are about 18 to 24 inches deep. It had been filled about a foot deep with green jello. She climbed into his lap straddling him and let her jello covered breasts rub over his chest.

"You are a nut, you know that? How on earth did you manage to get this done?" She asked amazed that he'd done something so off the wall and incredibly kinky and in a public place.

"You don't want to know Kate, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. You deserved something unique and to be perfectly honest, this is something I've always wanted to try, but had never been inspired to actually make it happen until now." He said with a sweet smile.

"You're just full of surprises. I'm going to like having you as my sex slave." She told him and kissed him.

"Not nearly as much as I'm going to like it." He said.

She kissed him again and they sat in the jello for awhile before retreating into the penthouse for a shower and then some cake. They finally retreated to the bedroom and lie in bed together watching television. It felt good to be in his arms, relaxing and not worried about who would come knocking at the door. As they lie in the bed with nothing more than the light from the television she began to feel guilty about the situation with Julie.

"Jack, I'm really sorry about Julie. I don't know what to do. She seems really angry. I know she's got questions about Wayne, but I don't know how much I should tell her." Kate apologized.

He turned her over on her back, looked into her eyes, and kissed her gently.

"Kate stop apologizing. Julie will be okay and I don't feel like she's just your problem. She's my problem too. Okay? She can be a really sweet kid and I can tell she's been through some shit I can't even begin to understand so I'm not mad or frustrated, I'm just concerned and want to help her too." Jack told her.

She nodded at him and he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her some more and eventually made love to her again before both of them drifted off to sleep, not to awaken again until the next morning. With just an hour before checkout time they quickly showered and dressed and left. Jack called the hospital to let them know he'd be in some time in the afternoon and they stopped for breakfast before heading home. They picked Riley up and were surprised to find out that Julie had never come to spend the night with Nicole.

They were a little worried that Julie may have used the opportunity to be out where she shouldn't be, but never dreamed they would find what they did when they opened the door to their condo. Jack stopped just 3 feet inside the door, taking in the destruction, the empty beer cans and liquor bottles, the broken pieces of what were once wine glasses and what he thought was a lamp all over the floor, every square foot of the condo stained with a spill or a piece of trash or a broken piece of something unidentifiable. He could feel the rage building inside of him as his eyes took in the mess in front of him. He could see Julie on the couch in the living room, apparently passed out cold. He handed Riley to Kate.

"Take her back to Jennifer's please." Jack said obviously very angry.

"Jack, maybe I should………." Kate started to argue, but stopped when he turned to face her.

"Kate, please. Take Riley to Jennifer. She doesn't need to be in the middle of this and neither do you." Jack told her.

Kate turned and left, not sure what Jack was going to do, but positive that he'd never physically harm Julie. Even though Julie was Kate's sister, Jack seemed to have a better handle on how to deal with her so she left and told him to call her when it was safe to come back.


	29. Chapter 29

Jack worked to get his anger under control as he approached the sleeping form on the couch. The vomit stench, rank and offensive penetrated his nostrils as he got closer to her, the carpet just beside the couch revealing three different vomit soaked areas. He could see she was out cold and decided to investigate further before waking her up to face the music, not sure yet what the music would be.

He entered the room Julie and Riley shared and felt his blood pressure increase. The room was destroyed, the broken remnants of what used to be the large "R" that hung on the wall scattered all over the bed and floor. He noticed the sleeping male in Julie's bed and it was at that point that his anger turned to rage. He grabbed the sleeping form by his t-shirt and jerked him up, both of his hands full of the guy's shirt, his victim's sleepy eyes trying to open as his hung-over brain struggled to comprehend what was happening.

Jack immediately recognized that it was the punk from the parking garage and that he didn't have any pants on taking his rage to a level he hadn't experienced since the island. He looked around the room, saw the empty condom wrappers and slammed the guy up against the wall.

"What the hell man?" Dylan complained.

"Did you fuck her?" Jack asked the dangerous tone in his voice sobering up Dylan instantly.

"What? Who?" Dylan asked.

"Julie." Jack answered tightening his grip on Dylan's shirt.

"No, I swear. There were plenty of women here, no need to play with the little girl." Dylan replied with a smirk.

Jack punched him in the stomach and when he bent to hold his stomach Jack delivered another punch to Dylan's jaw, followed by a backhanded slug to the other side of his head. Dylan fell to the floor, his mouth bleeding, holding his stomach.

"Get out of here before I kill you with my bare hands." Jack ordered, fist clenched, breathing hard.

"Okay man, just let me find my pants." Dylan groaned.

"Fuck your pants! I warned you to stay away from her so unless you want to be carried out of her on a stretcher you'll move your ass and get the hell out of here now!" Jack screamed and kicked him in the stomach sending him rolling across the cluttered floor in pain.

"Jack! Stop! You're hurting him!" Julie screamed from the doorway.

Jack reeled around, his eyes crazed with anger his face mean and unlike anything Julie had ever experienced from him. It scared her and she backed away from him. He looked at her, standing in the doorway wearing nothing but her panties and bra, backing away from him slowly and he didn't care that she was afraid of him, he hoped she peed all over herself out of fear of what he might do to her. He approached her and she began to back away, ready to turn and bolt. He took hold of her arm before she had the chance. She tensed up before turning the tears on for him and began pleading with him.

"Shut up and dry up! That bullshit isn't going to get you out of this mess. Get your ass in there and put some clothes on!" He yelled and shoved her into her bedroom making sure she landed hard on Riley's bed so she could get a thorough understanding of just how pissed off he was.

Dylan had found his jeans and was sitting on the floor attempting to put them on when Jack redirected his attention to him.

"Why are you still here?!" Jack yelled making him jump and cringe, covering his head with his arms to protect himself from Jack's next punch.

"Please man, just let me put my pants on and I'll get out of here." Dylan pleaded.

"Put your pants on later. Get out!" Jack yelled, grabbing him by the back of the shirt, pulling him to his knees, dragging him to the bedroom door and shoving him out the rest of the way by putting his foot firmly on his ass and pushing with everything he had sending Dylan head first into the wall in the hallway.

He didn't argue anymore or waste anymore time. He stood with his jeans wrapped around one ankle and made haste getting to the front door and out. Jack turned his attention back to Julie. She was in the same place he'd more or less tossed her, not moving and sobbing.

"What are you doing?" Jack snapped at her.

"Nothing, I'm just…." She stumbled for words.

"What part of get dressed did you not understand? Get up and get dressed. Now!" He yelled making her jump and cry harder as she curled up on the bed and covered herself with a blanket.

"Where's Kate?" She choked out through her tears.

It got to him for a moment, but he shook it off, refusing to give into it.

"Kate's with Riley, it's just you and me kid so get up." Jack told her, his eyes boring a hole into her.

"I'm sick Jack, I can't." She whined.

"You aren't sick, you're hung-over." Jack spat back as he bent down and picked up a couple of the discarded condom wrappers and a beer can.

"Please Jack, I feel so bad. Can you give me something?" Julie begged.

He squatted beside the bed, making eye contact with her. He held the condom wrappers and beer can up so she could see them.

"Can I give you something? Besides a spanking? Oh, but look, we have beer and sex and those are recreational activities typically reserved for adults and we don't spank adults so I guess we'll have to come up with something else." He explained his tone angry and sarcastic.

"I didn't have sex." She shot back her tears turned off as quickly as she'd turned them on.

"Yeah of course you didn't. That's why you're laying there half naked." He replied his tone still thick with sarcasm.

"I didn't!" She screamed.

"Just shut up about it. Why would I believe anything you tell me?" He said as he stood, walked over to the dresser, opened a drawer, pulled out some sweat pants and a t-shirt and tossed them on the bed.

"Get dressed." He ordered.

"I can't, I told you I'm sick." She snapped regretting it immediately when she saw the look on his face right before he jerked the blanket away from her and pulled her up to a seated position.

"Jack, please." She pleaded her head throbbing and her stomach swimming.

"Fine, you want to act like a baby I'll treat you like one." He said as he angrily lifted her arms above her head and pulled the t-shirt over her extended arms and head in one swift motion. He pulled the sweat pants over her feet and halfway up her legs, stood her up and pulled them up the rest of the way.

She tried to crawl back onto the bed, but he put one arm around her waist while his other hand gripped her shoulder and led her out of the bedroom. They made it to the hallway before she broke free and ran for the bathroom. The toilet was plugged up with whatever the previous night's guest had put down it so she threw her head over the side of the bathtub and let go. Jack stood in the doorway watching her, taking in the destruction in the bathroom, his anger over the situation on the verge of becoming rage again.

She lay down on the floor and he immediately picked her back up forcing her to stand up. She was so sick she felt like she couldn't sit up much less stand up and she couldn't think of any person she hated more at the moment than Jack, but she needed to lay down so she had to try to play on his sympathy. She stood in front of him, pretending to wipe fresh tears away, unable to look him in the eye, keeping her gaze at the floor, making sure she trembled slightly for him.

"I'm sorry Jack." She managed to squeak out.

"Look at me." He demanded.

She backed away a little and continued to look at the floor. He reached out, put his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. Her eyes were cold and defiant.

"What are you going to do?" She asked.

"I don't know yet, but it'll be a long time before you and I get past this." He answered.

"I could just leave you know, you can't stop me." Julie said.

"Yes, I can stop you and would." He told her and felt his blood pressure rise when she rolled her eyes at him.

"Whatever, can I please go lay down Jack?" She asked in a tone that suggested he was wasting her time.

"No you can't, but you can start cleaning up this bathroom." Jack answered.

"You're insane if you think I'm going to clean up vomit." Julie snapped and tried to walk past him.

"Hey, I'm serious Julie." Jack told her, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward him.

"You're serious? Please. What are you going to do if I don't obey you Jack, hit me? You aren't going to do anything and you can't make me clean up anything so let's just stop this stupid charade right now." Julie said in a taunting, disrespectful tone complete with a laugh that put him over the edge.

He began dragging her back into the bedroom, crazed with anger, pulling his belt off along the way, folding it in half as he pushed her back down onto Riley's bed holding the belt over her back side while maintaining a firm grip on her shoulder, pinning her to the bed, his face just inches from hers.

"Is this what you want Julie?! Is this what it takes to get through to you, to gain your respect because god knows treating you like a human-being hasn't worked." Jack threatened bringing the belt up ready to strike her with it.

Julie glared at him and spit in his face and that was it for Jack. He brought the belt down across her butt hard shocking both of them, the cold defiant look in her Julie's eyes quickly replaced with a shocked but compliant look that followed the arm holding the belt back up, closing them tightly as he brought it down again bringing real tears down her face as she cried out softly that she was sorry. She tensed up and prepared for the belt to come down a third time, followed by a fourth. She managed to get her hands free and put them over her butt, unable to stand the stinging any longer.

"Move your hands." He ordered.

"No!" She refused.

"Move them now or this is going to go on longer than either one of us wants it to." He told her, hating what he was doing but realizing it was actually working so willing to go with it.

She moved her hands and put them over her face, bracing for the next swing of the belt. He brought the belt down three more times and then he stopped and looked at her, all of the fight and defiance was gone, replaced by real, wet tears and a hint of defeat.

"You had enough of this?" He asked his tone still angry.

"Go to hell!" Julie screamed at him.

"Already been there and back kid. Just stay in here for now. I don't want to look at you." Jack said angrily and threw the belt against the wall before leaving the bedroom and slamming the door shut.

Julie did what he said and stayed in the room. She fell asleep after awhile and when she woke up she had a really bad headache, but her stomach had settled down. She lay on the bed and wondered what was next. Jack hated her and Kate was probably regretting that they were related. She got up and walked to the bedroom door, opening it just enough to call out.

"Hey! I need to use the bathroom?" Julie yelled and winced against the pain in her head.

She could hear footsteps and then she could see him approaching. She stepped away from the door and let him enter the room.

"Feeling any better?" He asked.

"Yeah I just have a headache. I need to use the bathroom." She told him.

"Use the one in mine and Kate's room, the other one isn't useable." He told her and watched her walk away.

She came back into the room and found he was gone. She crawled back into the bed and lay down. He came in a few minutes later with a sandwich, a drink and some aspirin and set them on the table beside the bed.

"I'm not hungry." She said flatly

"I know you're not, but you need to try to eat some of it, take the aspirin and try to feel better so we can get out of here. There's a professional cleaning crew coming to clean this mess up. We'll have to get out of here while they're working." He told her.

"Have you talked to Kate since uh, since I fell asleep?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, I told her you were sick and sleeping it off and that we'd meet her and Riley at Jennifer's later." Jack answered.

"Did you tell her what you did to me?" Julie asked in a hateful tone.

"No, I figured that was something we could talk about later." He said.

"Why would I want to talk about it ever? You completely humiliated me Jack, isn't that enough satisfaction for you?" She snapped at him.

"I wasn't trying to humiliate you Julie, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat if that's what it takes." He told her.

"Why would you want to embarrass me like that again?" Julie asked.

"Because I care about what happens to you and if embarrassing you is the only way to get through to you then I guess that's the way it'll have to be." He explained.

"You don't care about me, you put up with me because of Kate. If you really cared you wouldn't have whipped me like a child and you wouldn't hate me so much right now." Julie argued.

"I don't hate you, I hate what you did and you pushed me to do what I did, gave me no other choice. What the hell Julie? You destroy my property and when I ask or tell you to do something you laugh at me and spit in my face. I think I deserved better than what I've been getting from you and Kate certainly does." He said.

"That's right because Kate sacrificed everything for me. She killed Wayne for me! I get it okay and believe me my mom made sure I got it every single day afterward!" Julie screamed.

"Kate deserves better from you because she is your sister and because she loves you and because it hurts her when you do stuff like this, not because you owe her anything. She wants good things for you, wants to you to be happy. Okay?" Jack stressed.

"I didn't mean for the house to get wrecked. Things just got out of hand. It was just supposed to be me and Dylan and some beer and he brought friends and they brought friends and before I knew it people were drunk and screwing all over the place and breaking stuff." Julie explained.

"Yeah, well bad things usually happen when you're doing things you aren't supposed to be doing." Jack said.

"It must be nice to be as perfect as you Jack." She hissed.

"Yeah, that's me, Mr. Perfect. No worries though, you won't have much time to get into trouble for awhile. You're going to spend the rest of the summer working in the hospital kitchen. They've got a job opening just for you and I get your paychecks until you've paid me back for all this damage. You won't be allowed out much in the evenings for awhile, Kate can decide for how long. Do you have any problem with that?" He asked.

"Would it matter if I did?" Julie asked.

"No." Jack answered.

"I hate you." Julie said.

"I know. Eat and go take a shower. We're leaving in 45 minutes." Jack ordered.

"And if I don't are you going to do that for me too?" Julie asked.

"No, I'll just drag you out of here hungry, with a headache, smelling like your own vomit. One more thing Julie, if you act this way around Kate, keep her upset, I won't hesitate to find an all girls boarding school to lock you away in. You want act like an idiot that's fine, but you are not going to upset the rest of this family while you do it. Are we clear?" Jack asked, his face almost touching hers, his eyes cold and steely and telling Julie he'd meant what he'd just said.

She didn't answer. She took a bite of the sandwich, swallowed down the aspirin, grabbed some clean clothes and left him standing in the room while she went to take a shower. Jack left the room and walked back out into the living room. He couldn't believe the destruction and wished they could just leave it behind and move to the new house.

The doorbell rang and he sighed heavily as he trudged through the mess to answer it. It was the mailman with a certified letter. He signed for it and studied it for a moment. It was from an attorney so he knew what it was before he opened it or so he thought. He opened the envelope, pulled the contents out and began reading, his eyes growing wider and his mouth unconsciously gaping as he continued to read. His mother was attempting to gain visitation rights with the baby he'd given up for adoption. She never wanted to see Riley, could care less if she ever saw her own son, but now all of the sudden she feels compelled to spend time with a baby who is no longer part of her immediate family.

"This day's just getting better and better." He mumbled and shoved the letter in the back pocket of his jeans.

Julie surfaced from the back of the home within the 45 minute time frame he'd given her. He looked at her and wondered how anything that looked that sweet could be such a handful. She had Kate's eyes and they shared the same freckles, but Julie's hair was lighter, much lighter and not curly. She kept it just at shoulder length, straight, all one length. She stood about 5'2" he guessed and maybe 100 pounds. Her facial features were very young and very sweet and as she stood in front of him in a pair of jean shorts and a pink t-shirt, looking like the picture of Midwestern wholesomeness he wished he could understand why things had to be so hard, why she seemed intent on sabotaging her chance to be part of a family. He wished he could just hug her and tell her he was sorry and that he forgave her, but he knew he couldn't, that the patience and kindness he'd shown her had been thrown right back in his face so he'd have to be the asshole for now and hope that she'd come around.

"What?" She asked snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Nothing, I was just thinking. You ready to go?" He asked.

"It's not like have a choice in the matter." She sighed.

"You catch on fast." Jack said and escorted her out the door.

They drove over to the house they would be moving into in a few days and measured a few things and spent the rest of the day shopping. They sat together in a restaurant, Julie sitting quietly playing with her food, while Jack and Kate tried to convince Riley to eat. Kate could feel the tension between Jack and Julie throughout the day, but neither brought up the event that had driven and the obvious wedge between them. Jack had filled Kate in on the new job Julie would have to pay for the damages

"So Julie, when do you start working at the hospital?" Kate asked.

"Beats me, ask him, he's the one making me do it." Julie grumbled.

"She can go in with me tomorrow, but since I had to get someone to cover the basics for me today I'll probably have to work late into the evening to catch up so you might have to come pick her up, or maybe I'll find something else for her to do. I'll call you." Jack told Kate.

"You go to work before the sun comes up Jack." Julie whined.

"That's an exaggeration. I usually leave around seven o'clock." Jack said and laughed lightly.

"When am I supposed to sleep?" Julie continued to whine.

"Julie shut up. You can sleep at night like the rest of us." Kate told her.

Julie started to shoot back with something hateful, caught the warning look coming from Jack and reconsidered.

"Can we go home now? I'm really tired." Julie asked.

They paid their bill and left. It was almost 9 PM when they pulled into the parking garage. Both Riley and Julie were asleep. Kate attempted to wake Julie while Jack carefully lifted Riley out of her car seat, made her comfortable on his chest and stood by the trunk of the car waiting for Kate and Julie. Kate finally came around to him.

"I can't get to her to wake up Jack. Do you think something is wrong?" Kate asked.

"No, she's just had a rough day. Here, take Riley and I'll get her." Jack said and handed the sleeping toddler to her.

Jack reached into the car and lifted Julie out. She was definitely sleeping hard and he chuckled as he thought about how mad she'd be when she found out he carried her in from the car. They carried the two sleeping bodies up to the condo, opened the door and were amazed to see it had been transformed back into a livable situation.

"Wow, it looks great and definitely smells better. What did this cost you?" Kate asked.

"You don't want to know, but let's just say Julie will never be able to work enough hours before school starts to pay it off." Jack answered and carried Julie into the bedroom she shared with Riley with Kate right behind him.

Kate pulled the blankets back so Jack could put her in bed. He lay her down and covered her with the blankets. She never moved. Kate put Riley in her bed and she stirred until Kate put her blanket and puppy in her hands and then she settled and continued to sleep. She turned to Jack, put her arms around his neck and kissed him lightly.

"I'm going to go take a quick bath and get ready for bed." She told him.

"Okay, I'm going to go channel flip for awhile and then I'll be in." He said.

"Don't channel flip for too long, getting ready for bed means drying off and climbing into bed naked so you can make love to me." Kate teased making him grin.

"In that case I'll be in as soon as I kiss my daughter good night." Jack said and kissed her.

He watched her walk away, bent over and gently kissed Riley good night. He smiled at how angelic she looked, her tiny form curled up on her side in the middle of a bed it would take years for her to out grow, her wild locks uncombed and freely dangling down over the side of her face and forehead. He straightened and reached for the lamp on the table between their beds. He saw the belt he'd thrown against the wall earlier rolled up and placed neatly on the table and looked over at Julie. He sat gently on the mattress beside her sleeping form and brushed the hair away from her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry." He said before he stood, picked up the belt and turned the lamp off. He walked over to the wall and turned on Riley's night light and headed toward the door.

"Jack." Julie called just above a whisper making him stop.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"I'm sorry too." Julie said.

"Goodnight Julie." Jack said and closed the bedroom door.

Jack walked into the bedroom. Kate was still in the bathtub. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed, every bit as exhausted as the two kids in the other room, but too wound up to sleep, his brain unable to shut down. Kate joined him a few minutes later and he moved over and pulled her close to him, the satiny night shirt against her soft skin feeling sweet and sensual under his fingertips.

"I thought you were coming to bed naked." He laughed.

"I don't have any underwear on and I know you like this night shirt so I figured after the day you've had I'd treat you to the best of both worlds." She told him as she sat up and lay across his chest, her breasts pressing into him through the satin of the night shirt.

His hand immediately slid down to the bottom of her night shirt and over her bare ass, his reaction to the sensations starting to become more and more evident and Kate smiled at him. She straddled him and began slowly sliding down his chest, her tongue slowly swirling over his nipples while her hands moved through his chest hair and down. She sat up and moved down until she was sitting on his thighs, looking down at him. She smiled at him and gently moved her hands down his chest and stomach and then gripped his erection through his underwear. She moved her fingers back up and began moving them up and down his treasure trail, staying just outside of the waistband of his underwear, finally bringing her mouth down and moving her tongue over the trail from his belly button to the elastic of his underwear and then further down, gently biting at his erection through the material of his boxer briefs making him moan and run his hands through her hair.

She sat up again, slipped her hands inside the elastic waistband and gently and slowly pulled the underwear down to his knees before moving back up and stroking him with her soft hands, making him squirm and grunt.

"Have I ever told you how much I love your cock Jack?" She asked him as she continued to glide her fingers softly over the velvety exterior of his steadily growing erection, knowing that when she talked dirty to him he had a hard time controlling the outcome.

"Hopefully you love it enough to let me bury it inside you." He answered almost panting.

"No, not yet, you won't last. See you're already seeping babe. You need to be worked up, too worked up to find release and then we'll get you to that sweet release." She teased and swiped her tongue over the tip of his cock, licking the pre come away and then licking her lips for him.

"Kate." He panted.

"You're so hard Jack, I'm going to lick you like a lollipop." She told him and took him into her mouth, moving her tongue over him, gently pumping him at the base, pulling back to tease the head with the tip of her tongue before plunging back down on him, taking him in as far as she could, pulling back up and sitting up again, still gently pumping away at him.

"Kate, I need to come." He gasped.

"I know and I want to watch." She told him.

"Lay back and let me make love to you and you can watch." He told her.

"Okay, but I want you to pull out and come on my stomach so I can watch." Kate said.

Jack sat up, finished removing his boxers and laid her back on the bed. She opened her legs for him and he positioned himself between them, moving his hand over her first, bringing up his wet fingers and licking them for her as he pushed himself inside her. He held his position long enough to lean in and kiss her deeply and then began moving in and out with deep, hard strokes the hot, wet slippery depth he was sinking into making his need intense as he continued to pound away finally pulling out and sitting back on his feet.

"Turn over Kate, please." He panted.

She positioned herself on her knees, allowed him to push himself in and then dropped her shoulders to the mattress, drawing him in deeper.

"Son of a bitch that feels good." He groaned and begin pushing himself in and out of her again, moving his hand around to her front, gently massaging until she began moaning and finally squealing through her orgasm, clenching tightly around him, making him grind deeper inside of her.

When she settled back down he pulled out of her again and asked her lay on her back again. He entered her again and looked into her eyes.

"Please don't think I'm weird, but I don't want to come all over the baby. Can't I just come inside you?" He asked.

"I want to watch Jack and that's not the baby. The baby is tucked away safe inside me. I want to see it Jack, I want to see your face and want to watch it flow out of you and onto me." Kate stressed as he moved in an out of her, her sexy taunting tone driving him crazy, his need to come painful and taking his breath away.

"Oh fuck Kate." He groaned as he pulled out of her and positioned his cock on her stomach while his hot seed spurted out once, then again and then one more time, his face twisted in agony, his balls tight and twitching against her clit, slowly moving over her, the feeling and the sight of his come flowing out of him and onto her bringing another orgasm close.

He could feel her twitching, feel her humping up against his balls, hear her start to moan and realized she was on the verge of climaxing again. He moved back, let his fingers glide through the semen on her stomach and gently massaged her swollen clit.

"Come on Kate it's my turn to watch now. I'm rubbing my come all over you, do you want some of it inside." He coaxed and pushed a finger inside while he continued to tease the tiny bulb of highly sensitive nerve endings.

Her back arched and she cried out as another orgasm rocked her body and then finally settled again.

He lay down and pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her from behind, kissing her neck and hugging her tightly.

"You are so incredible and so incredibly naughty. Pregnancy suits you Mrs. Shephard, I may have to be sure I keep you knocked up." He teased.

"I just love you so much Jack." She said.

"I love you too." He said.

"I know today was really tough for you Jack and I'm really sorry." Kate said.

Jack turned her to face him.

"It's not your fault Kate and if one of us has to be the bad guy I'd rather it be me than you." He said.

"Jack, you're probably the first decent male role model she's ever known and I see how much your approval means to her. That's why I don't understand why she keeps going out of her way to piss you off." Kate said.

"Maybe she's just testing me, seeing if she can make me mad enough to turn my back on her. She really pushed every one of my buttons today Kate, forced me to do something I didn't think I was capable of, but I don't want to give up on her. We'll work it out. I'm pretty stubborn in case you haven't noticed." Jack said making her laugh.

"Yeah I've noticed. It's just one of many things about you that I adore. Thank you for being exactly what she needs right now, you don't have to care about her, but you do and you have no idea how sexy you are when you're in your paternal nurturing mode." Kate told him and kissed him.

He kissed her back and held her close, allowing her to snuggle in close to him, laying her head on his chest, her arm draped lazily over his stomach. He looked down at her and wondered if she'd find him adorable and sexy if she'd seen him completely lose it with Julie and wondered if he was going to be the kind of father that used a weapon on his kids to get his point across. He struggled with the images of what he'd done, trying to determine if it really was the last resort, the only choice she'd given him until his brain finally gave in to exhaustion and slept, realizing tomorrow was another day and if he had crossed some line he'd deal with it and make sure he didn't cross it again.


	30. Chapter 30

Jack woke the next morning long before the sun came up. He quietly and carefully moved Kate off of him and disappeared into the bathroom to take a shower. He exited his bedroom showered and dressed for the day by six-thirty. He walked into the living room and found Riley sitting quietly in her small character shaped chair watching a cartoon. She saw Jack and reached out for him.

"Daddy hug!" She demanded.

He picked her up and kissed her on the cheek and hugged her.

"What are doing out here?" He asked not really expecting an answer but a little concerned that she'd managed to get out of bed and wander around the house without waking them up.

"I hungwy." Riley informed him.

He looked toward the kitchen and observed there were lights on and he could hear noises. He walked into the kitchen. Julie was dressed, coffee was made and she was putting freshly cooked scrambled eggs on one of Riley's plates.

"Hey." Jack said.

"She was hungry. I hope it's okay to go ahead and let her eat, I know it's early." Julie told him.

"It's fine, thanks. You didn't have to get up with her though." Jack said.

"I was already up, no big deal." Julie said and turned away from him.

Jack shook off the tension between them, gently placed Riley in her booster seat and scooted her up to the small table in the kitchen.

Julie put the plate of eggs down in front of Riley along with a safety cup of apple juice while Jack poured himself a cup of coffee, taking long, careful drinks immediately.

"I'm going to go finish getting ready." Julie told him.

Jack nodded and sat down beside Riley, watching her shovel the eggs into her mouth faster than she could chew them up, finally gagging herself and spitting them back onto the plate making him smile and grab the small fork.

"See what happens when you don't eat your dinner. You wake up so hungry you forget how to chew. Let's slow down and take a bite, chew it up and swallow it." He instructed and held a bite of the eggs up to her mouth.

She ate the bite, chewed and swallowed and held her mouth open for the next bite. He fed her another bite and handed the fork back to her.

"No! Daddy do it!" Riley demanded and pushed the fork away.

"No, you can do it." Jack told her and handed the fork back to her.

"No!" Riley screamed and threw the fork across the room, making Jack sigh heavily as he stood to retrieve it.

"She's got a good arm." Julie commented.

"Yeah and I think I'm too tired to fight this battle with her." He said and tossed the fork in the sink and then retrieved a clean one from the drawer.

"She probably just misses you Jack. She didn't see you much yesterday thanks to me and you're getting ready to leave again. I'm guessing the sun will still continue to rise if you cave in and feed her." Julie offered making him laugh lightly at himself.

"I'm guessing you're right." He said and sat back down at the table with Riley.

"I'm going to take this coffee into Kate and wake her up." Julie told him.

"She's not supposed to be drinking coffee, not good for the baby." He objected.

"It's decaffeinated." Julie said.

"Well that explains why I feel like I could go back bed." He commented.

Julie left with the coffee and Jack fed Riley another bite of the eggs.

"I miss you too baby and we'll play tonight I promise." Jack said in the voice he had just for Riley making her grin at him.

He finished feeding Riley her breakfast, cleaned her face and hands and carried her back into the living room. Kate was sitting on the couch trying to wake up. He sat beside her and put his arm around her.

"Are you okay?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, just sleepy. I can't believe she's up already." Kate said.

"Hopefully she'll be ready for a nap early. I wish I could stay and let you sleep, but I'm a day behind on everything." He apologized.

"We're fine, you two go on and call me if I need to come pick up Julie later." Kate told him.

Jack and Julie rode to the hospital together in an uncomfortable silence. She'd been nothing but polite and compliant all morning, but the tension between them would have to be addressed because even if it didn't bother her it was eating at him. He walked her upstairs and showed her where his office was in case she needed anything. He told her he'd leave instructions with the nurses on his floor that as long as he wasn't in surgery they could page him and have her wait in his office for him if she couldn't find him. He then escorted her to the first floor cafeteria and into the kitchen where a woman in her late 50s was waiting for them, greeting them with a smile and kiss on the cheek for Jack.

"Betty, I'd like for you to meet Julie. She's my sister-in-law, the one I told you about yesterday that wanted to earn some extra money before school starts." Jack told the woman.

Julie shot him a look of gratitude realizing that she wasn't going to be labeled as the trouble-maker that is performing community service.

"It's nice to meet you Julie." Betty said and shook her hand.

"Um, do you guys break for lunch at any certain time?" Jack asked.

"Yes, anytime between the patients lunch hour and dinner hour." Betty told him.

"I'll come down around 12:30 then and we'll get some lunch. Okay?" Jack told Julie.

"Yeah sure, whenever." Julie said softly.

Jack left Julie with Betty and went back up to the surgery floor to see if there were any surprises scheduled for him that would keep him from making his lunch date. So far his day looked quiet. He had patients to check on and charts to update and two days worth of paperwork to catch up on, but no surgeries unless something came through ER since he was the surgeon on call. His morning flew by and when he looked at his watch and realized it was almost one o'clock he felt bad. He quickly made his way downstairs and found Julie still in the kitchen, sitting with Betty apparently being taught something. He approached them with an apologetic face.

"Julie I'm sorry. I lost track of time. You ready to go?" He asked.

"Is it okay Betty?" Julie asked.

"Sure honey, we'll finish these when you get back." Betty said.

Jack escorted her out of the hospital and across the street to a popular deli. They ordered their food and found a quiet booth in the back. She slid in one side and he on the other. He looked across the booth at her. She looked tired.

"How's the job?" He asked.

"It sucks, but Betty is nice." Julie mumbled.

"You look tired, did you not sleep well last night?" Jack asked.

"No, Kate and I were talking until almost 3 AM." Julie answered.

Jack looked surprised. He hadn't noticed Kate leaving the bedroom. He must've slept better and obviously deeper than he had thought.

"Did it help?" Jack asked.

"She came and got me Jack, I didn't go to her to tell on you or anything." Julie told him.

"I wouldn't care if you had Julie, I'm just surprised she didn't wake me up to fight about it, so did you not tell her what happened?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, she finally pried it out of me. She said she knew something bad happened by the way you were acting, something more than you just making me get a job." Julie told him.

"Julie, look………." He started but was stopped by Julie putting her hand up and waving him off.

"Don't Jack, you didn't do anything wrong. Kate said I deserved it, said I was lucky she wasn't there when I spit in your face. She's right, I deserved it, I was out of control and I'm sorry, I don't know how to handle any of this." Julie told him, her lips quivering, eyes filling with tears.

"I don't think I can allow myself to just walk away from this unscathed and let it all be on you. I think that would unfair. Yes, you were out of control, but I was too and I'd like to try to explain if you're willing to listen." Jack said his tone kind, his eyes showing remorse and concern.

"Okay." Julie said softly.

"A few years ago I had a patient, a 15 year old girl that had been involved in an alcohol-related fatality accident, she being the only one of the four people in the car that survived. She was a mess and I had to do three different surgeries on her to repair all of the damage. Her mom was a single mother working three different jobs to keep a roof over her head and she couldn't be with her as much as she wanted to. Doctors aren't supposed to get emotionally involved with their patients, but that's easier said than done sometimes, especially when it's a 15 year old kid dealing with painful surgeries and painful physical therapy and no family around to help her through it. We spent a lot of time together talking, watching television and playing cards. She was scared and in a lot of pain and needed a friend and before I knew it I'd let myself get sucked in. I learned quickly how reckless kids that age can be and when you add a fuck me………sorry…….attitude to carelessness it's a recipe for disaster." Jack explained.

"You can cuss around me Jack, I'm not a baby. So what happened to her?" Julie asked.

"Brittney, her name was Brittney. She finally got to go home, get back to her life after nearly four months in the hospital. About a month after she was released she started calling me to come rescue her. One time she was at some college frat party and found herself in an uncomfortable situation with some of the guys and she called me to come pick her up. She was drunk and dressed like a two-dollar whore, but had enough sense to lock herself in a bathroom until I got there. I voiced my concerns over it and she of course swore she'd just made a bad choice and wouldn't do it again. This goes on for months, her calling me and me plucking her out of precarious situations, but never trying to make her stop, never doing anything but voicing my concern for her safety while taking her home and dropping her off. One night she calls and she's drunk and she's crying and begging me to come get her. She was lying in some parking lot, drunk, raped, and beat up. The guys responsible for it had just dumped her there. They'd apparently taken turns raping her on a pool table and when they got bored with that, they thought it would be fun to see how far they could insert a pool cue both vaginally and anally. She was so torn and broken on the inside, the pain while it was happening must've been so…….I can't imagine how scared she must've been." Jack relived the event, the memory of it obviously painful.

"What happened to her? Did she straighten up after that?" Julie asked.

"She never got the chance Julie. She died in the ER. A 15 year old kid who was as bright and imaginative and sweet as any young person I've encountered snuffed out, gone, wasted. She lost her way and needed someone, anyone to have the guts to try to get her back on track. She was crying out for help and I didn't do anything to try to make her stop behaving so recklessly. I cared so much about that kid, but I did nothing and maybe if I had, maybe if I'd been firmer with her or made it my business to formulate some kind of plan with her mother she'd still be alive." He stressed.

"You can't blame yourself for that Jack, I doubt anybody could've gotten through to her." Julie offered.

"No, I don't think that's true and I'm not going to make that mistake twice Julie. You can't give up on people, especially the ones you care about. You might not be able to reach them, but you have to keep trying." Jack argued.

"I understand Jack. If something happens to me it hurts Kate and I can see how much you love her and don't want her to hurt. I get it." Julie said softly.

"Julie if my concerns where you are concerned were just about Kate's happiness I'd probably just ignore you. I want you to be happy, to be part of our family, to believe that I genuinely care about what happens to you. It's frustrating that you can't or won't take that at face value, that you feel the need to see how many of my buttons you can push before you push me away." Jack told her.

"I think I got my answer to that yesterday." She mumbled.

"I'm still here aren't I?" Jack asked.

"So you still want to try to like me, try to be friends?" Julie asked surprising him a bit.

"I do like you and I thought we were friends." Jack answered.

"How do I know you're not just saying that?" Julie pushed.

"You don't, you're going to have to find a way to trust me and I understand that might not be easy for you, but Julie if I didn't care about you, didn't want to repair the damage to our friendship, we wouldn't be sitting here having this conversation. I would've just washed my hands of you. This isn't about Kate, it's about you and me. Okay?" Jack said.

"That's what Kate said. She said that you care, that sometimes you probably care too much, that what happened was just a little bit of rage fueling your fear that you were losing the battle to keep me safe, that you resorted to inflicting physical pain as a means of protecting me and that if you didn't care about me you would've just ignored me, let me sleep it off and then try to convince her that I'd be better off some place else." Julie admitted.

Jack absorbed what Julie told him, still amazed at how well Kate could read him. She'd had the uncanny ability to get inside his head, get into places no other person had ever been able to since the day they met and without personally witnessing the scene between him and Julie and without knowing anything about the patient from his past she'd managed to grasp why what happened had happened probably before he'd even managed to figure it out himself.

"You should listen to Kate, she knows me better than I know myself sometimes." Jack chuckled.

"When I was eleven I ran away from home." Julie told him seeming to change subject all of the sudden.

"Yeah, where'd you go?" Jack asked.

"It's not important, but I was gone for over four days." Julie answered.

"Your parents must've been out of their minds with worry." Jack offered.

"No, I don't think they even noticed I was gone, if they did they didn't care about knowing where I was. I walked into the house and my dad was there and he yelled and asked me if I'd seen his cigarettes. That was it. My mom never said anything to me." Julie said flatly.

"I'm sorry." Jack said.

"I'm not used to living the way I'm living now. It's kind of scary." Julie confided in him.

"Why is it scary?" Jack asked.

"Because it's nice and if I like it too much I'll miss it when it's gone." Julie answered.

"We aren't going any place Julie, its okay to relax and enjoy it and think how much better it will be when you don't have to bunk with a two year old anymore." Jack tried to assure her.

"Just between you and me I kind of like it when she crawls into bed with me, she's so cuddly, kind of like a real live teddy bear." Julie told him and smiled.

"That she is, but you don't have to let her do that, just send her us." Jack said.

"You guys were um…busy the first time I let her climb into bed with me." Julie told him with an ornery grin, making him blush a little.

"Okay, that's a little unsettling." He admitted with a light laugh and looked at his watch signaling that it was time for them to get back.

He stood and waited for her to slide out from her side so she could walk in front of him. They stepped outside onto the sidewalk, waited for the opportunity to cross the street and casually made their way to the front doors of the hospital. Once in the lobby he left her instructions to come and find him when she was done and he'd see if he could get away or if Kate would need to come and pick her up. He watched her start to walk away and called her back. She stopped in front of him and looked up.

"I'd notice." Jack said.

"You'd notice what?" Julie asked.

"I'd notice if you ran away and I'd try to find you." Jack told her sweetly and she could see in his eyes that he meant it.

He saw the tears well up and then trickle slowly down her cheeks. He pulled her into him, hugging her, gently rubbing a hand over her back as she buried her face in his chest and broke down, repeating over and over that she was sorry. He let her get it out of her system before pulling her back and looking at her, not speaking just nodding, letting her know they were okay. She wiped the tears away from her cheeks and tried to compose herself and finally returned the nod, turned and walked away.

Jack was engrossed in a patient's chart when the hospital administrator entered his office. Jack looked up at him just in time to see him drop a newspaper on his desk. Jack looked down at the paper, it was one of those tabloid publications and his face was on the cover of it below a headline that read "Flight 815 Hero in Custody Battle with Own Mother".

He knew that laughing wasn't appropriate, but he couldn't help it. Was he really the most interesting thing to gossip about? The headline sounded like he was battling his mother for custody of himself and he had once again just run the gamut of emotions over the last few days. Laughing seemed like what he needed to do and it felt good and when he managed to compose himself he met the concerned eyes of the hospital's administrator.

"I'm sorry and no I'm not losing it or in need of more time off so let's not go there." Jack said.

"Jack, what is going on between you and your mother?" The administrator asked.

"I've been asking the same question for as long as I can remember." Jack said sarcastically.

"Did she let you know she felt this strongly before you put that child up for adoption?" He asked.

"She never talks to me and I doubt she feels that strongly about it. It's just another knife for her to jam in and twist. I just found out about it yesterday and I haven't had a chance to talk to her about it. I'm sorry, I'll look into as soon as possible and try to make it go away." Jack told him.

"I hope you do because that family in Texas is very unhappy with all the attention and the hospital doesn't need the bad publicity over an adoption we had nothing to do with." He stressed.

"I thought the hospital didn't care about my personal shortcomings." Jack reminded him.

"When those shortcomings are kept inside the walls of this hospital we don't care, but when they start showing up at the checkout lines of the supermarket we take issue with them." He told him, his tone taking on that of a warning.

"Got it. I'll talk to my mom, but I'm not sure why she's doing this so I'm not sure I can convince her to back down. If I had to guess, she's in cahoots with my ex-wife and they've cooked this up to muddy up my reputation." Jack told him.

"Why would they want to do that Jack?" He asked.

"So when Sarah tries to gain custody of our daughter she'll have a leg to stand on." Jack explained.

"Why would your mother side with your ex-wife instead of you?" He asked.

"Because she hates me, blames me for my dad's death and can't forgive me for not bringing his body home." Jack answered.

"Jack, does anything in your life resemble sanity?" He asked making Jack laugh.

"I have a beautiful little girl, a wife that loves me, I'm having another child soon and I have a job that I love almost as much as my wife and children. My life is great. The other stuff is just the necessary bullshit that has to occur so you don't lose sight of what's good." Jack told him.

"Well, in my opinion you've been dealing with more than the necessary amount of bullshit, but let us know if we can do anything to help you out with this stuff. I don't want it to seem like we care more about the hospital's reputation than we do about you, but you understand it's my job to protect both of you." He said.

"I know and I'll do everything I can to make this disappear. I promise." Jack assured him.

The administrator left and Jack picked the tabloid newspaper up. He read the story that had many of the facts wrong, but it did have his name, the hospital's name, the name of the adoptive family and even his father's name, which was enough to stir up everyone's personal lives. He picked up the phone and called his mother. She wasn't home so he left her a message, keeping it polite and civil in case they were resorting to taping his messages as a means of hoping to get something that would make him seem like an unfit father.

He went back to work and didn't look up again until he heard the light knock on his door. He yelled for the person to come in and Julie came through the door looking exhausted. He looked at his watch and it was nearly 5 o'clock. He wouldn't be on call for the ER beyond 5 PM, his patients were tucked in and orders written for the night and he had most of his paperwork done.

"Give me 10 minutes and we can get out of here." Jack told her.

Julie sat on the couch in his office. He looked over at her and stood with a stack of patient charts in his hands.

"I'll be right back." He told her and exited his office.

Jack put the charts back in the appropriate places at the nurses station, chatted with them for a few minutes, left some instructions for one of his patients and headed back into his office. He was talking to Julie for at least a minute before he realized she was asleep. He laughed lightly, woke her up and walked her out to the car. She slept all the way home, woke up long enough to walk from the parking garage to the condo and went straight to her bed once inside. Jack looked around, waiting for Riley to come bouncing into his arms, feeling a little disappointed when it didn't happen. He walked into the kitchen. Kate was standing in front of an open refrigerator, staring into it, seemingly deep in thought. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, kissing and nibbling on her neck.

"Where's Riley?" He asked as he turned her around to face him.

"She's asleep. She fought it all day and finally lost the battle about 20 minutes ago. I know it's late, too late for a nap. I tried to keep her up." Kate explained, looking pretty tired herself.

"Julie went to bed too. What about you? Wanna go to bed?" He asked with a grin on his face.

"No, I need to cook something for dinner. Want to help?" She invited.

"Nope, I want to cook with you in the bedroom. We can order pizza or something when everyone wakes up." He coaxed, pulling her closer and kissing her gently and sweetly until she wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him back.

The kiss intensified, both opening their mouths and welcoming each other's tongue, body temperatures rising as he slipped his fingers up under the hem of the shorts she was wearing, the feel of his large warm hand moving up between her thighs making her moan into this mouth, his hardness starting press up against her, his wet, hungry mouth devouring hers in a continuous passionate kiss that was leaving her breathless. She finally pulled back and looked into his eyes.

"Should I be wondering what or who at work makes you come home this horny?" Kate teased.

He smiled at her, gently moving his hands over her breasts, his thumbs rubbing the nipples through her shirt and then gently pinching them as they became hard, eliciting a moan from her, her legs wrapped around his thigh and pressing into him.

"I guess I'm not the only that is horny." He chuckled.

"Well, I wasn't five minutes ago, you just have the magic touch I guess." She told him gazing into his soft brown eyes.

He brought his mouth to hers again and backed her up until she was pressed against the counter, kissing her in a way that was so soft and wet and sensual that she felt the flood of heated, wet sexual hunger before his fingers slipped inside her panties and slipped through it, groaning in satisfaction at how responsive she was, wishing he could unzip his pants and take her right there. He pulled his hand away and used both hands to lift her t-shirt up until her bra covered breasts were exposed to him. He grabbed the bottom edge of the bra and pulled it away and then up over her breasts, bunching all of the material above them. He moved his mouth down and gently swirled his wet tongue over her nipples, taking the time to close his mouth over each one, sucking softly, sweetly while gently kneading her plump, swollen breasts in his warm hands, soothing the tenderness, the combination of the hot, sexy sucking on her nipples and the gentle care in which he was handling the tender tissue intensifying the ache in her groin.

He slowly slid down her body, his mouth gently kissing over her pregnant belly, his hands on her hips, fingers slipping inside the waistband of her shorts and slowly pulling them down to her knees taking her panties with them. He brought his mouth to her center, gently blowing and then landing soft kisses on the sweet spot between the hip and the thigh waiting patiently for her to step out of her shorts and open up for him. He didn't have to wait long and moved his hands up the inside of her thighs, gently nudging them apart just a little more, his hands replaced by his mouth starting just above her knee, kissing and nibbling slowly up the inside of her thigh, his five o'clock shadow tickling the smooth, tender skin. He made it up one thigh and stopped for a moment to allow her to feel his hot breath where she wanted him and then began kissing and nibbling his way up the inside of the other thigh.

When he reached the top again she sighed a breathy, turned on sigh and he slid a hand lightly over her crotch, gently grazing the creases where her thighs connected to her body, back and front.

"Jack, we should go to bed." She moaned as she gripped the edges of the countertop.

"We will eventually." He said as he began moving his tongue through her crease, nearly losing his balance when she gripped his head and pulled him forward.

He brought his tongue slowly up the wet, slippery crease and then up her belly, chest and finally locked their mouths together while she fumbled with his belt and then the button and zipper until she freed him from his dress pants and boxers, both hanging just below his butt, his shirt tail hanging down, covering his butt and her pushing it up so she could get her hands on his butt, pulling him closer, lifting her leg, both of them panting and then finally connecting slowly and fully, his penis buried deep inside her as he pinned her against the counter, her bottom nearly resting on it's edge.

"Bed." Kate demanded as she held onto to him, needing to feel him moving within her.

"Am I hurting you?" He asked.

"No, just don't want to get caught." She said.

"They're asleep. God you feel so good, I can't walk, can't let you go either. Let me know if you get uncomfortable." He said and began thrusting into her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and both legs around his waist, her bottom now resting comfortably on the edge of the countertop as he continued to thrust into her, both of them on the edge, their climaxes building, their bodies starting to sweat, the muscles in his arms and thighs tight and bulging as he worked at a now frenzied pace to get both of them over the edge. He was ready to give up, to come without her when he felt her tightening around him and then biting gently into his shoulder to keep from screaming while she came and he let go, their bodies rocking gently and slowly against each other, both trapped in a euphoric bliss where nothing, including breathing came automatically, him finally taking a deep breath and pulling her closer to him, leaning against the counter still hungry for her even though he'd just spilled himself inside of her. She pulled her head back, placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him hungrily and then finally stopping, their foreheads touching, resting, attempting to regain enough of their minds and their bodies to be able to walk to the bedroom.

"Riley will sleep for awhile, how about a hot bath and a massage?" He offered sweetly, moving his mouth down to her neck, still holding her close to him, still inside of her.

"Mmm, does that mean you're going to join me in the hot bath and give me a massage?" She asked, enjoying the light nibbling on her neck but especially enjoying being the center of his universe at the moment.

"Or I can join you in the bath and give you a massage afterward, whatever you want." He said softly and lifted her off the counter.

He stepped out of his pants and left them lying on the kitchen floor with her shorts. He carried her into the bedroom, closed the door and locked it. He laid her on the bed gently, finally separating them and walked away to run the bath water. He returned a few minutes later having discarded his dress shirt and his socks and pulled her up off of the bed. They walked into the bathroom together. He stepped into the tub and she followed, standing in front of him her back to him, both of them going down together, his knees bent and her sitting between them relaxing back into his chest and stomach. He moved the bath sponge over her, keeping his body wrapped around hers like a cocoon the moment peaceful and sweet. Kate was the first woman he'd ever been with that would partake in quiet, intimate moments like this and not only want what he was offering, but enjoy it and he wanted to give her as much as she was willing to take, his heart exploding as he tightened his grip on her and kissed her cheek from behind.

She sighed and sunk deeper into his embrace the feel of him wrapped around her safe, warm and sensual. She'd never loved anyone as much as she loved him and even though their short time together had been littered with distractions and events that would understandably destroy many relationships, it was moments like this that made it all fade away, nothing else mattering but him and how special he made her feel.

She took the sponge from his hand and tossed it into the water and then slowly guided his hand down between her legs. He slowly moved his hand over her, hitting all the right spots, making her sigh happily and making the hand wrapped around his bicep grip him harder. He slowly pushed a finger in and then a second, allowing the butt of his hand to glide over her clit while his fingers moved in and out, fucking her slowly, in no hurry to end it and her relaxing into the rhythm and allowing the climax to build slowly and then flood her loin heavily, the need to push against it intense.

"Oh god Jack don't stop." She panted, eyes closed tight, both hands now wrapped around his bicep.

He smiled down at her, watching her body tense and jerk against the orgasm, her face flushed and concentrating on what he guessed must've felt pretty good judging by the way she was biting her lower lip. She looked so cute and content he wished he could freeze frame the moment some place other than in his mind. She finally relaxed, kept her eyes closed and stayed wrapped up with him. He finally shook her lightly, wondering if she'd fallen asleep.

"Hey babe, let's get out, dry off and you can sleep for awhile." He said softly.

"No, let's get out, dry off, make love and then we can sleep for awhile." She replied lazily.

They made their way into their bedroom, pulled the bed coverings back and lay down together, side by side, facing each other. She kissed him gently.

"Make love to me Jack." She whispered.

He rolled her onto her back and covered her mouth with his, wedging himself between her legs, their skin still almost hot from the bath water. She opened up for him and he pushed inside amazed at how wet she still was, nearly slipping back out a couple of times, but continuing to love her with deep long strokes that drew all but the head of him out and then back in. It never became any more frenzied than that her next orgasm taking her by surprise and releasing fresh warmth over him while squeezing around him, making him swallow hard and hold his position, trying to hold off a little longer, but not succeeding as he felt the first wave overcome him and gave into it, filling her with his seed for the second time that evening and then finally moving off of her and pulling her back into arms, spooning his body around her, holding her lovingly, protecting her and feeling the way that only she could make him feel, content and peaceful. They both closed their eyes and slept overcame them quickly.


	31. Chapter 31

Jack's eyes popped open something jarring him awake. He cleared his head quickly and listened. He could hear Riley just outside the bedroom door whimpering. He sat up, remembered he was completely naked and quickly entered the closet in search of something to throw on. He exited the closet buttoning and zipping his jeans, covered Kate back up and opened the door. He looked down to find Riley sitting on the floor with her blanket and puppy obviously upset that the door was shut and she couldn't find anyone. He reached down and picked her up, cuddling her close to his chest while he closed the bedroom door. Riley snuggled up next to him and laid her head on his shoulder still upset, but grateful to be in the arms of the person that could immediately make her two year old mind feel safe.

"Daddy gawn." She whimpered.

"No, daddy was sleeping. I'm sorry I forgot to leave the door open." He said sweetly, kissing her on the cheek and hugging her, feeling her small body trembling against his and cursing Sarah under his breath.

He walked into the living room with her and focused in on the clock on one of the television components. It was after seven and everyone was still sleeping. He sat on the couch, Riley still tightly snuggled into him, with no indication that she was going anywhere any time soon. He tried to peel her off of him so he could look at her and talk to her, but she stiffened and pulled herself tighter into his chest.

"Don't you want to sit up and talk to me?" He asked softly.

"No, daddy hold." Riley whimpered.

"Okay, we'll just sit here until you're ready to let go then." He agreed, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hand over her back gently.

Julie entered the room a few minutes later, looking a lot less fatigued than she did when he last saw her. She sat in the chair and looked around, the silence in the room deafening.

"Do you care if I turn on the television?" Julie asked.

"No, go ahead." Jack answered.

"Where's Kate?" Julie asked.

"Sleeping." Jack answered.

"What's up with the squirt? Is she sick or something?" Julie asked.

"No, she couldn't find me or Kate when she woke up and got scared." Jack explained.

"She's definitely stuck to you like glue." Julie observed.

"Yeah and you might have to take her for me because I've really got to go and she can't come with me." He complained and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Riley I think your dad needs to go potty, come here and see me." Julie coaxed.

"No potty daddy." Riley whined.

"Sorry baby, I can't hold on any longer." Jack groaned, forcing the child off him and handing her to Julie.

He could hear the blood curdling screams erupt before he ever made it out of the living room and ran into Kate when he opened the bedroom door.

"What happened?" Kate asked ready to pounce on whatever was hurting Riley.

"She's okay. She's upset because I had to put her down, but if you really want to come out into the living room naked I'm all for it." He teased as he continued his trek to the bathroom.

Jack did his best to hurry, the screams coming from the living room hard to listen to. They stopped suddenly and he zipped up and made his way back out to investigate. Kate was sitting on the chaise lounge wearing a robe and holding Riley whose breath was hitching as she tried to calm down. Jack reached for her and she pulled away from him.

"I guess I'm being punished huh?" Jack said.

"Yes you big meanie, don't you know that a bursting bladder is no excuse for putting her down when she doesn't want to be put down." Kate teased.

Riley stayed with Kate until the pizza they ordered arrived, the lure of breadsticks and pizza sauce too much for her to resist. Kate put her into her booster chair and excused herself so she could get dressed. After being let down from the table Riley seemed to be back to normal, toddling around, getting in to things she shouldn't and finally dragging her favorite doll into the living room and sitting down to play with it. She toddled over to Jack and dropped the doll in his lap.

"Daddy pway!" Riley demanded.

"I guess you're talking to me again." He said and lifted her into his lap.

He picked up the doll and looked at it, next to her puppy it was apparently her most beloved toy, its ratty hair and unclothed body amusing to him. He held the doll up in front of her.

"Where's her clothes?" Jack asked.

"No cwoes." Riley told him.

"Why not?" Jack asked.

"Baby hot." She squeaked holding her hands out in front of her and shrugging her little shoulders as if it was perfectly obvious why the doll was naked.

Jack laughed and watched his little girl fuss over her doll, absorbing her beauty and innocence and wondering what his life was like before she dropped into it because he honestly couldn't remember, but was certain that he didn't want to go back to that life, this child bringing out his better qualities as well as emotions he never would've believed he was capable of feeling.

"Baby eat!" Riley demanded holding the doll and the toy baby bottle up, snapping him out of his daze.

"Okay, feed her." Jack said not understanding the game.

"Daddy do it." Riley told him and put the doll on his arm and the bottle in his hand.

Jack looked at Kate and she smiled at him.

"Feed the baby Jack and when you're done she's going to make you burp it." Kate told him, laughing lightly.

Jack put the doll up to his ear and pretended it was talking to him. He handed it back to Riley.

"She said she wants Riley to feed her." Jack told her and handed the doll back to her.

"Baby no talk." Riley giggled and put the doll back on his arm.

"Nice try Jack, but she's too smart to fall for that." Kate laughed.

Jack felt ridiculous, but he put the toy bottle up to the doll's mouth. He didn't grow up around girls and never played house with little girls when he was a boy so this was his first doll experience. He looked at Riley's face and the gleam in her eyes and how pleased she was that her daddy was playing along and decided he really didn't feel that ridiculous.

"Baby full." Riley said and took the bottle away from Jack.

Jack handed the doll back to Riley and just as Kate had told him she pushed the doll back toward him.

"Daddy bewrp!" Riley demanded.

Jack chuckled lightly and put the doll on his chest and patted its back while Riley held both her hands together, clutched tightly in her lap in anticipation.

"You have to make it burp Jack." Kate told him.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Make it burp, that's what she's waiting for." Kate laughed.

"Kate, I think we need to discuss the games the two of you play while I'm not here." Jack protested.

"Were you ever a kid Jack or did you pop out this serious? Little boys run around making car and gun noises and little girls burp their babies, so either make the baby burp or be prepared to sit there and pat its back all night." Kate told him amused at the situation and finding his sitting there holding a doll to his chest adorable.

Jack finally gave in and made a fake burping noise which delighted Riley making her clap her hands and take the doll from him. She kissed the doll and hugged it and then held it back up for Jack.

"Daddy kiss the baby." Riley told him.

He held the doll up and kissed it and gave it back to her and then picked her up and brought her face to his.

"I'd rather kiss this baby." He told her and kissed her before nuzzling her neck, making her giggle and squeal for him to stop, their moment soon interrupted by his cell phone going off.

Jack sat Riley back in his lap, looked at the caller ID and sighed heavily.

"Hello mom, your timing is perfect as usual." He groaned into the phone.

"I talk!" Riley demanded and tried to grab the phone from him.

Jack realized she heard him address the person on the other end of the phone as mom and misunderstood. He felt terrible. He motioned for Kate to take Riley so he could deal with the phone call. Kate plucked Riley out of Jack's lap and she came unglued, kicking and screaming and fighting Kate the whole way.

"I talk to mommy!" Riley cried.

"It's not mommy, it's grandma." Jack tried to make her understand, but the child was in hysterics at this point and not listening to him.

"What is going on Jack?" His mother asked.

"Nothing mom, just dealing with the mess you and Sarah created with your fucked up little games. Listen to her! God damn both of you!" Jack yelled, clicked the phone off and shoved it into his pocket, moving across the room so he could help Kate with Riley.

Riley was beside Kate on the chaise lounge, kicking and screaming. She saw Jack coming for her and threw herself backwards, the back of her head hitting Kate's stomach dead center, making her gasp in pain and making Jack angry.

"Riley! That's enough!" Jack scolded the child using a voice unlike anything she'd ever heard from him, scaring her and making her freeze.

Jack didn't know who to comfort. Riley wasn't moving and Kate was holding her stomach her eyes watering from the pain.

"Kate, are you okay?" Julie asked shocked by what she'd just witnessed.

"I don't know, that hurt a lot." Kate answered lying backward onto the piece of furniture still holding her stomach.

Jack moved her hands out of the way, lifted her shirt and pushed the pajama pants she was wearing down far enough so he could see her stomach. He put his hand over the baby and began pressing. She watched him in full blown doctor mode, poking and prodding and looking into her eyes for any kind of response.

"That doesn't hurt at all?" He asked.

"No, it just feels like pressure when you push on it." She answered.

"Is he moving at all right now?" Jack asked.

"No." Kate answered.

"Have you felt him move yet?" Jack asked.

"Just little flutters every once in awhile. That's normal right?" Kate asked.

"Yeah that's normal for this stage. You feel okay?" He asked.

"I think so, you're scaring me Jack." Kate said.

"I'm sorry, I'm just being over-protective, everything feels fine and I'm not just saying that, but next time he flutters let me know, I want to feel it too." Jack told her.

"Why?" Kate asked.

"Because he's my baby too and I want to share that stuff with you." He lied.

He wanted to make sure the baby was still moving without stressing her out over it and she seemed to buy his explanation so he turned his attention to Riley who was still sitting in the same place, quiet, understanding that she'd done something bad. He looked at her and moved the wild hair out from in front of her eyes.

"It's okay honey, it was an accident, how about if daddy gives you your bath now?" He said.

"Jack, I'm fine, I can give her a bath." Kate said.

Jack leaned over her and kissed her, staying close and speaking softly to her.

"I know you're fine. I just want to do it. It's my evening to pamper you in case you haven't noticed and I think I still owe you a massage." He said and kissed her again.

Jack bathed Riley, dressed her in her pajamas and snuggled up with her in her bed. He wasn't sure she'd be ready to sleep after such a late nap, but she was sleeping soundly before he got halfway through the second book. He walked back out into the living room and sat beside Kate. She scooted closer to him and took hold of his hand. She pulled the top of her pajama pants down and put his hand on her lower stomach.

"Can you feel that?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said with a smile and more relief than he meant to show.

"Jack, you're a horrible liar you know that don't you?" Kate said.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You could've just said you wanted to make sure the baby was still moving." Kate told him making him smile sheepishly.

"Sorry, but if you make people anticipate they tend to feel things that aren't really happening, should've known you'd be the exception to the rule." Jack apologized and kissed her, moving his hand over her stomach as the kiss deepened and went on for longer than either one probably anticipated, finally pulling apart when they heard Julie clear her throat.

"I know I'm not supposed to be going anywhere, but you two are kind of sickening and the rugrat is asleep in our room so is it okay if I go hang out with Nicole for a little while?" Julie asked.

"You want to go get a movie or something?" Jack offered.

"No, I'd like to go hang out with someone my own age. Besides you guys look like you want to be alone." Julie argued.

"We don't want you to feel like you have to leave." Jack said apologetically.

"Jack, I don't. I'm bored and I guess since I'm in trouble I'm supposed to be bored, but making me watch you two make cow eyes at each other all night is cruel and unusual punishment don't you think?" Julie said making him laugh lightly.

"You're going to go straight there and straight back? No detours through the parking garage?" Jack asked.

"Yes she is because you are going to walk her down there and walk her back." Kate told him looking directly at Julie.

"That's fine just don't get so wrapped up in each other that you forget I need to come back." Julie replied with an ornery grin.

"Can't make any promises there baby sister, just look at him, you'd lose all sense of time and place too." Kate teased.

"You have a point I guess. He is kind of hot for an old guy." Julie agreed.

"He's not old, he's experienced." Kate defended him in a slightly sexy tone.

"I'm sorry, did I suddenly become invisible?" Jack groaned uncomfortable with the conversation.

Kate laughed and kissed him.

Jack walked Julie down the hall to Jennifer's condo, made sure Jennifer was aware that she was there and walked back to his own condo. He walked in and Kate was on the phone. He looked at her and she held the phone out to him.

"It's your mother again." Kate said.

He took the phone from her and put it to his ear, collected his thoughts and finally spoke.

"Mom, what are you doing?" He asked.

"Doing?" She asked.

"Don't play stupid, you know what I'm talking about. Why are making an issue of the adoption?" Jack asked taking note of the confused look on Kate's face.

"Because I can't believe you signed your own flesh and blood away and to a family that can't give him half of what we could've." She answered.

"We? Since when have WE ever done anything?" Jack shot back.

"I could've given him everything Jack." She said.

"Everything but what he needed. He's where he belongs and he doesn't need you in his life and you don't really give a damn about him so why are you doing this?" Jack asked angrily.

"Because Jack you are as stubborn as a mule and I know that the only way to get your attention is to do something that hits you where you live, which is at that god forsaken hospital. I bet they were shocked to find out what their star surgeon has been up to." She explained, hateful and vindictive.

"What attention? What do you want?" Jack asked angry with himself for actually feeling hurt that his mother was fucking him over once again.

"I want you to give Riley back to Sarah. Do that and I'll back off, otherwise I make that family in Texas miserable and I drag you and that hospital through the mud while I'm doing it. They'll get rid of you before they'll let the hospital take a hit. Could you handle that Jack?" She threatened.

"There is no way I'm handing my daughter over to the two of you, you're both crazy." Jack told her.

"Fine Jack, but remember, I'm that baby's grandmother and I have rights, rights that don't go away just because his worthless father threw him out like a piece of garbage." She spewed at him with so much hate he held the phone away from his ear and looked at it as if he was certain he had to be talking to someone else.

"Mom, why do you want Riley? You don't even care about her. Why are you doing this? What did I do to make you hate me so much? Is this about dad?" Jack asked his voice pleading, trying to tap into any bit of motherly love she might actually have for him.

"I don't have to explain myself to you Jack. You need to think about what I said, you and your little island whore can have all the babies you want, you don't need Riley." She told him.

Jack didn't respond. He simply turned the phone off, shocked that he could be related to the monster on the other end, this woman that didn't seem to mind hurting innocent people that thought that children were exchangeable. He stood in the same spot, rubbing the back of neck, clearly ticking.

"Jack what's going on?" Kate asked.

"You heard enough to figure it out." Jack answered his tone curt.

"Don't talk to me like that, I didn't do anything to you." Kate warned.

He looked at her, he didn't want to talk and she was giving him that look, that look that meant she expected him to open up and spill his guts and he wasn't in the mood. He wanted to be left alone, he wasn't ready to talk about what scared him so much.

"I can't do this right now Kate. I'm sorry." He said and walked out of the room.

Kate let him go, deciding or at least hoping they had progressed far enough that he would talk to her when he's ready and that she wouldn't have to force it out of him. She stayed in the living room and watched television until she found herself yawning. She walked into their bedroom and was a bit startled when she found the room empty, but then quickly realized where he'd gone. She walked over to Riley's bedroom and there he was, lying on his side in the bed with Riley, his back to the door, rubbing his hand over her back, watching her sleep. She entered the room and kneeled beside the bed. She gently gripped his arm and kissed his temple.

"Hey, I'm going to go down the hall and get Julie." She said softly.

"I'll go get her." He said.

"No, stay here, I'll go." She argued.

"Kate, I'll go." He said and sat up.

She watched him sit up and walk away. She kissed Riley, fixed her blankets and left the room. She entered their bedroom, turned the television on and crawled into bed, trying hard to stay patient with him, understanding that he was frustrated, hurt and scared right now. She fell asleep waiting for him to come to bed, waking later to his hand moving lightly over her breasts and stomach. She rolled over and looked at him, the light from the television allowing her to see his face, to see the turmoil in his eyes, turmoil clouded with just a hint of desire. She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it yet Kate, but I will, I promise, I just need to be with you right now. Other than Riley, you're the only thing in my life that's real, that I know I can count on and I'll settle for just holding you if you're too angry to want me." He explained.

She moved her hand over his shirt covered chest. He'd crawled into bed still wearing his jeans and t-shirt, initiating sex obviously not what was on his mind when he came to bed, just the opposite in fact. He came to bed ready to be told where to find the couch and found that just lying beside her brought peace and slowed his racing mind, that the smell of her hair was soothing, that just lightly touching her calmed him and he was sure that making love to her would ease his fears. He needed to find a way to rationalize the fear, to bring it to a place that would allow him to verbalize what scared him so badly. Counting to five wasn't an option because he couldn't let the fear he was experiencing in for any length of time or it would consume him.

Kate didn't know all the details, but she'd heard enough to realize they were going to try to take Riley away from him and she knew that scared him, not so much because he wanted to keep her all to himself, but because he was genuinely concerned about Riley's well-being and felt that Sarah was too unstable. She also knew the deep down he blamed himself for Sarah's state of mind, that he felt he should've done more to help her through the loss of their child, been more patient, been more understanding, been a husband first and a doctor second, but they had both shut down and found their own ways of dealing with their grief independently instead of coping together and it had contributed to the destruction of their marriage and in Jack's mind it had destroyed Sarah. The woman he fell in love with and married no longer existed and Kate believed he would always hold himself responsible for that whether or not it was fair to do so.

Kate straddled his thighs and pulled on his hands until he sat up to face her. She looked into his eyes and smiled at him, kissing him gently and then pulling back. She reached down, grabbed the bottom hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up, over his head and off, tossing it to the floor. She then reached for her own shirt and did the same thing. She kissed him again, slowly as she moved forward in his lap, getting closer until their bodies were just inches part. He hungrily deepened the kiss, one hand on her waist, the other clutching a handful of hair on the back of her head, eventually pulling their bodies together in a tight embrace and wrapping both arms around her, his hands gently gliding over her bare back, her breasts pressed firmly against his bare chest, their hearts beating in a simultaneous rhythm. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was less than a minute.

She felt his mouth biting gently on her neck, his breath hot, his tongue wet and sensual, his hands still holding firmly to her lower back as if she might jump away from him at any moment. He brought his hands around and cupped them over her breasts, caressing them gently, his thumbs gliding softly over her nipples, making them hard, dipping his head down and covering her nipple with his mouth, alternating between sucking it hard and his tongue working over the nipple within the enclosed space, making her moan and push her breast against his mouth and insist he suck harder.

He laid back and pulled her down with him, kissing her mouth again while his hands pushed her pajama pants and panties down over her hips, working them down her thighs, pulling out of the kiss and looking at her.

"You wanna help me out?" He asked in a sweet, teasing tone.

She leaned forward onto his chest and stomach and worked the pants and panties down past her knees and finally managed to kick them off of one leg completely, sliding backward over his jeans, the rough material eliciting electric excitement between her legs as she leaned forward to kiss him again, grinding her crotch into the crotch of his jeans. He slid his hand over her butt and down, barely penetrating her with the tip of a finger from behind, groaning into her mouth at the wetness.

"Slide up here and let me taste you." He said in a soft, sexy tone that caused her to leave a wet spot on the front of his jeans.

She moved up, gliding her wetness over his stomach and chest, placing a knee on either side of him, just above his shoulders, grabbing onto the headboard and allowing him to grab her hips and slowly pull her down to his hungry mouth, in control, holding her right where he wanted her to be as his tongue moved up and down her crease before finally settling and focusing on her clit, sucking it into his mouth gently and then pushing her back and flicking it with the tip of his tongue.

"Oh god Jack." She moaned.

He pulled her down and penetrated her with his tongue, pushing it in and out of her a few times and then slowly moving her hips back and forth, so that his mouth slid in an up and down motion through her crease, the tip of his nose hitting the swollen bulb of heightened sensitivity perfectly, bringing her to orgasm quick, trying not to smile as he heard her squealing softly while she came all over his face. Her taste and her scent making him harder, his jeans so uncomfortable he reached down and unfastened the button and zipper.

She slowly regained her senses and began to slide back down his body, taking her time, rubbing her wetness all over him, stopping to kiss him briefly before taking her mouth down, nibbling on his neck, his flesh hot and responsive, the urge to mark him intense, feeling him tense up and pull her away when he felt the marking begin.

"Kate I can't go to work with a big hickey on my neck." He laughed lightly.

She brought her mouth back down and made sure she marked him where his shirt and tie would cover him and continued her path downward, leaving soft, wet kisses on his chest and stomach, grabbing the waistband of his jeans and pulling them down, him lifting his hips off the bed so she could complete the task. She pulled the jeans down to his knees and let him work them off the rest of the way. She sat back some and looked down at him, his erection laying straight up reaching for his navel, his lean, sexy hair-covered torso lightly glistening with sweat.

She separated his legs so she could make herself comfortable between them and brought her mouth down again, opening it slightly and closing it gently over his balls, sucking slowly, her tongue wet and moving with her mouth, selecting a fresh spot and repeating the process, her fingers gently gliding over his erection the noises coming from him resembling something between a deep groan and a whimper, his legs trembling slightly. She moved her tongue up the length of his shaft, maintaining eye contact with him the entire way. She kissed the tip and sat back up on her knees in-between his legs, taking his hands and encouraging him to sit up again.

He sat up and she stacked the pillows behind his back and convinced him to lean back against the headboard and relax. He did as she asked understanding it was so he would have a good view of the blow job she was about to give him. She smiled at him, pulled her hair back with one hand and wrapped the other one around the base of his cock, guiding the hard pulsing member toward her mouth taking it in as far as she could and keeping it there while she swirled her tongue around it, getting it wet and slippery with her saliva and then pulling back her hand gently pumping him at the base, her tongue gliding up the sides at times her lips pursed at other times, sucking small areas of the velvety exterior covering the hard appendage into her mouth and then once again swallowing him hole, making sure he felt just a hint of suction when she pulled away. She could feel the head swelling in her mouth, ready to explode any second.

"Kate, please I want to come inside you, not your mouth." He panted, straining against the impending release.

She pulled her mouth away and squeezed the area right below the head to hold him off, making him suck in a deep breath.

"Does it hurt when I do that?" She asked.

"Yeah, but it's a good kind of hurt. Come here." He answered with a light chuckle reaching out for her.

She scooted up and straddled his hips, positioning herself over him. He positioned the head of his cock at her opening and she slowly connected them, both of them moaning, him sitting up straight and holding her close to him again, kissing her deeply while his hands moved over her back, buried deep inside her, engorged and twitching afraid if he moved it would be over.

"You gonna make it?" She asked.

"Just give me a second." He said as he worked to regain control of the situation.

They sat connected at the hips, chest to chest, kissing and holding each other and once he was sure he'd gotten things under control he relaxed back onto the pillows taking her with him, half sitting up, half laying down. He began thrusting up into her and she began moving up and down on him until they finally found a rhythm, his thrusts meeting her downward movements. She held tightly to arms, concentrating on staying in sync with him and he held gently to her hips also concentrating on staying in sync with her, perfecting their dance, both of them staying precisely in step, building slowly to the big finish. Their breathing started coming in short, labored breaths, he could feel her starting to tighten around him she could feel the muscles in his hips and thighs starting to flex and tighten. Closer and closer, sounds of ecstasy and relief starting to emanate from their throats, both focused on each other and then he sat up again, pulled her close, closed his mouth over hers and both of them climaxed, her screaming into his open mouth, him flooding her womb with his hot seed as they both shook and held tightly to one another.

The sat holding one another, neither in any hurry to let go of the intense closeness, the feeling of oneness and for him the feeling of peace and calmness he so desperately needed, finally feeling like it was safe to express his fears, that verbalizing them no longer meant they would become a reality and most importantly letting the fear in and dealing with it without the overwhelming dread that it would consume him.

"We can't let them win Kate. She's my baby girl, I'm supposed to keep her safe and she wouldn't be safe with Sarah, not now. I can't let the threat of losing my job allow them to beat me. I don't care about it, Riley is more important." He whispered, his voice desperate but confident.

She didn't say anything, there was nothing to say. He knew she would be there to support him no matter what and she reinforced that by kissing him again and hugging him and staying right there with him, connected and holding on, slowly rocking back and forth.


	32. Chapter 32

Jack awoke early the next morning balanced at the edge of the mattress, a small foot in his throat and no blankets. He remembered hearing Riley cry out sometime in the middle of the night and bringing her into their bed when she refused to go back to her own. He wasn't sure however when he lost the battle for bed space and blankets. Kate was in the middle of the bed, lying on her back with Riley's head laying above her shoulder on the pillow, her small body stretched horizontally across the bed. Jack gently lifted the child, turned her and laid her beside Kate and covered both of them with the blankets that had managed to end up bunched up at the bottom of the bed. He sleepily walked toward the bathroom to take a shower.

He was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, going over the papers in his briefcase, thinking that if he didn't have to wait for Julie he could've already been at the hospital and wondering if he should rethink his idea about making her work off the cleaning debt when he heard the shuffling of feet in the room and looked up. It was Julie, awake, dressed and ready to go.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked.

"I thought maybe if I got ready we could go. If I get there earlier I can take a longer lunch." Julie told him.

"Why would you want a longer lunch?" He asked.

"I don't know, so I can go for a walk, see stuff." Julie answered.

"Julie, I don't want you wandering around outside of the hospital. It's not safe." Jack said taking note of the flash of defiance in her eyes right before she started to argue with him.

"You just expect me to stay in that hospital all day long except when you come to walk me to lunch. I'm not a child Jack." Julie argued.

"Actually you are and I won't be able to do lunch today so you'll have to grab something in the cafeteria and yes I expect you to stay put." Jack said.

"And if I don't?" Julie shot back, making Jack shake his head and stand to put his coffee cup in the kitchen sink.

"It's 6 AM Julie and I'm trying to mentally prepare for the surgery I'm scheduled to perform in a couple of hours. I don't want to have this conversation right now, but understand this, if you don't stay put I'll find out and I guess we'll figure out what to do about it if and when it happens." Jack told her.

"Jack I swear I'd be careful, please." Julie begged switching from defiant to whiney instantly.

"We'll talk about it tonight, see what Kate thinks. I can't do this today Julie so let's just drop it and get going." Jack said trying to stay patient with her.

Julie could tell she wasn't going to get him to cave so she folded her arms over her chest and huffed and groaned all the way to the car about what a long, boring day she was going to have. He did his best to tune her out understanding that she probably was bored, but that she was also not supposed to be having a good time while she's being punished for destroying their home.

"Look Julie, it's a job and it's punishment, it's not supposed to be a good time, so give it a rest." Jack finally spoke up.

"Fine, but do I have to be bored at night and all weekend too?" She complained.

"Yeah you probably should. So is this how it works? I get one day of nice Julie before her evil twin shows back up?" Jack asked.

"This sucks. I'm used to doing what I want." Julie whined at him.

"What is wrong with you? God, you're whining worse than Riley today." Jack said.

"Nothing is wrong with me, I just don't like being treated like a baby." Julie snapped.

"Then stop acting like one." Jack snapped back.

The rest of the drive to the hospital was spent in silence, her staring out her window refusing to talk to him and him grateful that whatever was outside that window was interesting enough to keep her quiet. They walked into the hospital in silence and parted ways at the elevator. He sighed heavily and entered the elevator, deciding that it was best to let her stew and work it out on her own.

Jack stepped off the elevator, dropped his brief case in his office, put his white lab coat on and made his way out to the nurse's station to check the charts of his patients. He made his rounds, checking on each patient, talking with them and promising to check on them again at the end of the day. He stopped to talk with the mother of his surgery patient, a 10 year old girl who was hit by a car and thrown into the path of another car that ran over her, breaking her hips and her back. A neurosurgeon would be removing a piece of her skull to allow her swelling brain room while he and an orthopedic surgeon worked on putting the rest of her back together. Her chances of survival were only around 40 percent, which was 40 percent higher than her chances were 36 hours earlier. Jack began explaining the procedure in his typical clinical fashion, describing what they would be doing, providing a list of everything that could go wrong when the girl's mother finally interrupted him.

"Do you have children Dr. Shephard?" She asked.

"Yes, I have a two year old daughter." Jack answered.

"If that were her lying in that bed could you handle listening to yourself?" She asked angrily as a few tears escaped down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I don't…" Jack said confused as to what she wanted from him.

"You're talking about her like she's a science project. She's my baby, she's a human-being, tell me you care and that you will be kind and gentle with her." She cried.

"Ms. Voss, your daughter is very critical and it is my job, to not only make sure you understand how critical she is, but to make sure I am focused so that she can receive the very best treatment possible. I can't go into surgery thinking kind and gentle. She needs me to be quick and aggressive. I'm sorry if I sound cold and unfeeling and I can't imagine what you must be going through, but trust me, I care." Jack explained.

"Of course, I'm sorry, please just make her well." She pleaded with him.

Jack looked at her wanting more than anything to promise her he was going to be successful, that her daughter was going to be fine, but he knew that even if she did survive the surgery the odds that she would ever be the same little girl her mother knew weren't good.

"Ms. Voss, I'm going to do my best, all of us are, but you need to understand that your daughter is in very bad shape and that what we are getting ready to do is very risky. Do you understand that?" Jack pushed.

"Yes, I just can't think that way." She told him.

Jack left the distraught mother sitting with her unconscious child to change into his scrubs and prepare for the procedure. Three hours later he walked from the surgery suite to the waiting room where the child's mother sat anxiously. She could tell by the look on his face that he was about to tell her what her brain wasn't ready to process. She put her hands over her ears and began backing away from him, bumping into a chair and falling down. Two men in the waiting room immediately came to help her up, but Jack put his hand up to back them off.

"Just give her some space." Jack said softly.

Jack squatted down beside her and helped her sit up. She wrapped her arms around her legs and pulled her knees into her chest. She put her head down and sobbed. Jack put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, we did everything we could, her body was just too weak and broken." Jack said softly.

"Do you think she suffered?" Ms. Voss asked, lifting her head to look at him.

"No, I don't think she did." Jack said.

"But the accident, her poor little body getting run over. My baby's last memories must've been so painful and terrifying." She cried.

"Ms. Voss, she probably didn't feel anything. Her head injury was so severe that she wouldn't have been aware of anything happening to her. I'm so sorry for your loss. Can I call somebody for you?" Jack asked as he slowly helped the woman stand.

"No, I want to see her." She told him.

"Okay, have a seat and I'll have a nurse come and get you and take you see her." Jack told her and started to walk away.

Jack was almost out of the waiting room when heard a voice from behind.

"Are you Jack Shephard?" A woman's voice asked.

Jack turned to see where the voice came from. He saw a woman staring up at him with questioning eyes. He wasn't sure what to think, but because of what had been happening with Sarah lately he immediately went on the defensive.

"Who wants to know?" Jack asked clearly agitated.

"My name is Debbie Watson and if you have a few minutes I'd like to talk to you." She told him.

"Talk to me about what?" Jack asked.

"About your father Jack." She said.

Jack was stunned momentarily. He wasn't dealing with enough shit, now some woman was coming to tell him god knows what about his father? He shook his head and immediately became angry.

"Look, I don't know who you are or what you want, but I'm too busy to deal with it today. Send me a letter, list all the details and I'll decide if I care enough to get back to you." Jack snapped and started to walk away.

"Jack, it's important that I talk to you. I knew your father very well and I need to…." She tried to explain, stopping when Jack reeled back around and got in her face, eyes crazed, the veins in his neck protruding.

"I don't care how well you knew my father! If you feel like you're entitled to something take it up with my mother!" Jack yelled and turned to walk away again.

"I am your mother Jack." She said stopping him in his tracks.

He didn't move, didn't turn to look at her, didn't even take a breath until her words had the chance to sink in and hit him as hard as he was going to allow them to.

"Come with me, my office is just down the hall." Jack mumbled and began walking again.

The woman followed Jack into his office, he closed the door and motioned for her to sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk. He walked behind his desk, sat down, folded his hands together and then unclasped them almost immediately and finally shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

"Well, let's hear it." Jack said in a biting tone.

"What would like to hear?" She asked.

"Tell me why I'm supposed to believe this or better yet why you're telling me now." Jack answered.

"We both know what I'm saying is easy to prove so it doesn't really matter whether you believe me or not." She told him.

"What do you want?" Jack asked.

"Want? I don't want anything. I read the story about the baby you gave up and I've finally had my fill of that hateful woman. She can't keep this up, keep bothering that family, keep dragging you and your name through the mud if she isn't really that baby's grandmother can she?" The woman asked.

"I'm not a lawyer so I wouldn't know how far she could drag that nonsense out. I don't understand. How is this possible and I never knew." Jack said.

"Your father never wanted you to know and things typically went the way Christian wanted them to go." She said.

"That he did. How is it possible for them to just have a baby one day? Wouldn't people have noticed my mother wasn't pregnant?" Jack asked.

"Come on Jack, when you're wealthy things like that are just details. Your father took a bit of a hiatus, went to practice medicine in Europe for awhile. You never questioned being born in Switzerland?" She asked.

"Sure, but it's like you said, he was practicing medicine there for a couple of years. So what, you and my parents just flew off to Switzerland until I was born and then you just let my dad have me? What did he give you to walk away? What was I worth to you?" Jack asked.

"Listen Jack, I was very young and Christian insisted that it be this way. I wanted to keep you, raise you myself, but he wouldn't hear of it. He said I couldn't give you what you needed and he didn't want people to talk so I couldn't be part of your life." She said.

"So you were one of his little flings?" Jack asked hatefully.

"I guess you could say that, I was just 19 years old and working two jobs. One of my jobs was running errands for Margo and without going into great detail, your father and I had an affair and I got pregnant. He was so angry with me, but he wanted to keep the baby and raise it and Margo went along with it I'm guessing to avoid the humiliation, something she no doubt learned to deal with as the years went on because I wasn't his first act of infidelity nor was I his last." She explained.

"Sounds like you knew my father well." Jack commented.

"I knew him intimately for awhile and later I just knew of him. We never spoke again after you were born and we were back in the United States." She said.

"So you never told me what your price was, what he gave you to walk away." Jack continued to jab at her.

"I didn't get anything Jack. I didn't even get to hold you when you were born. That's how Christian wanted it and I was in no position to fight him and Margo and their money so I settled for the occasional glimpse I'd sneak when they weren't watching. I believed that you were better off without me. They could give you everything I couldn't and she was the only mother you knew. I didn't want to disrupt that for you, but maybe I should've, maybe you would've been better off knowing the truth." She said.

Jack laughed at that and she shot him a puzzled look.

"I think I would've been better off being raised by St. Bernards in the Swiss Alps." Jack said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry Jack, the last thing I wanted to do was add to your trauma. Reading so much about you the past year opened up old wounds. At first the pain of realizing that the only child I ever had died without ever knowing about me was almost unbearable. When you turned up alive and I read all the stories about how you took care of those people, I was so proud of how you turned out because even though I never had a chance to know you personally, I knew you hadn't grown up like your parents. It made me realize that I really screwed up by not fighting for my right to be your mother, but I decided you had been through enough and that I wasn't going to add to it. But, when I read what Margo is doing to you I changed my mind because you deserve to know the truth and because I wanted to help. I don't want anything from you and I understand your anger." She said.

"No, you really don't understand my anger, you couldn't. You would've had to grow up your entire life sensing that something was off, dealing with this feeling of inadequacy because even though it was constantly denied you could tell that your mother resented you. My whole life I've been trying to figure out what it was about me that was so unlovable that my own mother couldn't stand me." Jack told her.

"I'm sorry." She said softly.

"Stop saying you're sorry! It doesn't change anything! I want proof that you're telling the truth and that this isn't another one of my mother's fucked up games." Jack said his eyes filled with rage and betrayal.

She looked up at him and he made eye contact with her for the first time since he'd met her. They were his eyes and just as when he'd seen Riley's picture and knew she was his daughter he knew this woman was telling the truth, that he was the product of an affair and that the woman he'd called mom all his life could never look at him without being reminded of his father's infidelity. He put his elbows on his desk and let his forehead rest on the heels of his palms and he stayed that way for several minutes, not moving and not talking.

"Jack are you okay?" She asked.

He looked up at her, trying to imagine what she'd been like when his father bullied her into giving him up. He didn't blame her. He understood better than anyone that it wouldn't have been a winnable situation for her. He then thought about the things about himself he's always questioned and wondered if the answers to those mysteries were sitting right in front of him. Were the things about his personality his father considered weak inherited from her? He never understood why he was so sensitive to the pain and suffering of others when he clearly didn't inherit that trait from his parents and he wasn't raised in an environment conducive to developing sensitivity for anyone or anything.

"Yeah, look, I apologize for being so hateful, I've been having a hell of a year and it just keeps getting more and more interesting. Let's go down to the lab and let them take some blood and give me some time to absorb this. Maybe we can get together and talk when I'm in a frame of mind that allows me to be a bit more receptive to this." Jack suggested his tone calm, apologetic.

"Of course Jack, take as much time as you need, like I said, I only wanted to help." She agreed.

Jack and the woman walked in silence to the lab. His mind was racing, the hint of desire in him for her story to be true nagging at him. Shouldn't he be upset that Margo might not be his biological mother? Was his need to believe this and for it to make his fucked up parents make sense to him his way of easing his conscience over the baby he gave up? Was he right? Was it really possible to project negative feelings onto an innocent child and he was living proof of that? He had to know, had to confront the woman he'd called mom all his life and waiting for results of the testing wasn't going to work for him. He had to know now, today.

After having their blood drawn, Jack took a business card from the woman and told her he would call her. He looked at his watch. It was just after noon. His busy day was shot, the surgery that should've lasted hours cut short, the latest revelation leaving him too distracted to focus. His stomach was growling, feeling a little queasy and reminding him that the days of living on coffee and adrenaline were something his aging body would no longer tolerate. He decided to go find Julie and see if she wanted to go out for lunch, a decision that would add to his already stressful and emotional day.

"Hey Betty, where's Julie?" Jack asked as he joined the woman at the table in the cafeteria where she was eating lunch.

"She's gone." Betty answered while trying to hurry up and swallow the food she had in her mouth so she could talk to him.

"Gone?" Jack puzzled.

"Yes, she said she wasn't hungry and that she was going to walk over to the emporium." Betty said.

"Unbelievable." Jack sighed his frustration coming through loud and clear.

"Something wrong Jack?" Betty asked.

"I don't know what I'm doing Betty. That kid is a handful. It's a game to her I guess. She wants to see what it will take to make my head explode." Jack complained.

"She's just being a teenager Jack and for what its worth she speaks very highly of you so you must be doing something right." Betty tried to reassure him.

"Yeah, then why would she do the very thing I told her not to? Why bother trying to guide them if they're just going to defy you as soon as your back is turned?" Jack asked.

"Because hopefully all the instruction we throw at them sticks and when they find themselves in a less than favorable situation they can reference it, make a good decision instead of a bad one, have something to fall back on even if they don't always do what we'd like them to." Betty offered.

"So what do I do? Just pretend I don't know she wandered away from the hospital after we argued about that very thing this morning and I specifically told her to stay put until we could talk about it later?" Jack asked.

"That's up to you Jack. Sometimes you have to pick your battles, figure out which ones really matter." Betty answered.

"Maybe I'm a little too old school, but when you're told not to do something and you make a deal to discuss it fairly later then both people should keep up their end of the bargain. Trust is a big deal to me. How can you have any kind of relationship without it?" Jack asked.

"Sounds like this a battle that matters so maybe you should go find her, let her know she's busted." Betty told him.

"Yeah, okay. Thanks Betty." Jack said and left the cafeteria.

He walked out of the hospital and down the street to the emporium. He looked in the windows and saw her, roaming up and down the aisles as though she knew exactly what she was looking for, but was browsing to make it look like she hadn't come in for anything in particular. It reminded him of when he was a teenager and decided to buy condoms for the first time. Roam around the store, play it cool, pick up a magazine and a candy bar and oh yeah a box of condoms. He chuckled at the memory and relaxed against the pillar outside the doors where he decided to wait for her to exit the building.

He didn't have to wait long. He saw her approaching the automatic door and saw her expression change when she saw him standing there, still wearing his surgical scrubs. The look of surprise, dread with just a hint of attitude on her face nearly made him laugh, but he bit down on his bottom lip to control the smile that was trying to form. She stopped in front of him, looked at him for a moment and then dropped her head to stare at her feet.

"So which part of 'I don't want you roaming around outside the hospital' did you not understand?" Jack asked his tone flat, but not angry or threatening.

"I'm sorry Jack. I had to get something. I was only gone for a few minutes." Julie mumbled, shuffling her feet and refusing to look at him.

"Look at me." Jack ordered.

Julie lifted her head and made eye contact with him. There was no defiance. She just looked scared or nervous.

"What's going on Julie? What did you need so badly you couldn't wait?" He asked and could swear he could hear the gears in her head start cranking, her eyes showing new life, a plan about to be hatched. It reminded him of his early encounters with Kate when she'd try to deceive or manipulate him.

"It's kind of personal Jack, you know woman stuff, not the kind of thing a girl wants to discuss with her brother-in-law." Julie told him expecting the subject to make him uncomfortable enough to drop the issue and become sympathetic, understand that she had no other option than to ignore his rule about not wandering around outside the hospital.

"Ah, I see, you didn't decide to just ignore everything we talked about this morning and do exactly what you wanted, you were just the innocent victim of your menstrual cycle." Jack said, his tone mockingly sympathetic.

"You believe me don't you?" Julie asked shooting him a pouty look.

"Nope, afraid not, let's see what's in the bag." Jack told her, holding his hand out for her to hand him the package.

"No way Jack, it's personal, embarrassing." Julie refused.

"I'm not embarrassed." Jack said and grabbed the bag out of her hand.

Jack looked at Julie and could tell she wasn't embarrassed, if he'd seen embarrassment he would've given her the bag back. She looked terrified. He opened the bag and looked inside. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, closed the bag and handed it back to her. He put his arm around her shoulder and began walking her back to the hospital. She finally spoke.

"You aren't mad?" Julie asked.

"I'm a lot of things right now, but no I'm not mad. So, how late are you?" Jack asked.

"Three weeks." Julie answered.

"Do you normally have pretty regular cycles?" Jack asked.

"I don't want to talk about this with you." Julie said.

"Okay, I've got something I need to do so let's go home, take some lunch to Kate and Riley, blow the rest of the day off. You and Kate can do the test you've got in your little bag and talk while I go do what I need to do." Jack said.

"She's going to kill me." Julie said.

"No she won't." Jack said.

"You must think I'm pretty stupid." Julie mumbled.

"No I don't. I'm more concerned with the unprotected sex and the health issues that can go along with that than passing judgment on someone for doing something I'm guilty of myself." He said.

"Thanks Jack." Julie said.

"For what?" Jack asked.

"For not freaking out and screaming at me, I'm kind of freaked out already and couldn't handle that." Julie said.

"Believe it or not, this has been the least disturbing thing I've had to deal with today." Jack replied with a sick chuckle.

Julie stopped walking. Jack turned to see why and saw she sat down at the bus stop. He walked over and sat beside her.

"We shouldn't sit here, the bus driver will be pissed if he stops and we don't get on." Jack said.

"I don't want to have a baby." Julie said sadly as a tear rolled slowly down her cheek.

"Who was it?" Jack asked.

"Huh?" Julie asked his response not what she was expecting.

"Sorry, I guess I was supposed to hug you and tell you everything will be okay?" Jack asked.

"No, you don't have to do that." Julie said.

"Good because that would be bullshit." Jack said.

"I thought you weren't mad." Julie whined.

"I'm not, but a hug isn't going to make this better. So was it that punk Dylan?" Jack asked.

"Does it matter?" Julie asked.

"I guess not." Jack answered.

"You think I'm a slut don't you?" Julie asked.

"No, I was thinking lonely girl, no friends, strange city, lots of emotional baggage, wants and needs to be accepted, meets a guy, guy charms her, makes her feel special. Guy starts to push for sex, girl doesn't want to disappoint him, likes the attention he gives her, believes he cares about her, so she gives in, guy shows his true colors, girl feels stupid. Am I close?" Jack summarized his thoughts for her.

"Yeah it was something like that." Julie said.

"Come on, let's go." Jack said as he stood and held his hand out to pull her up.

They walked slowly toward the hospital. They went inside long enough for him to change out of his scrubs back into the clothes he wore to work that morning. He made a few phone calls, one of them to Kate the final one as they were leaving the hospital parking garage. He barked out a few comments to his mother and clicked the phone off. Julie could tell that whatever was going on between them wasn't a topic for discussion so she found something interesting to look at outside her window. The drive home was silent, him stewing over his issues and her stewing over her current predicament. They made the journey from the parking garage to the condo elevators, carrying a couple of bags of food from a nearby fast food restaurant. He pushed the button and looked down at her. She reminded him of a condemned prisoner making that final walk and he laughed lightly.

"Don't look so grim." Jack said.

"Easy for you to say, you don't have really bad news to tell Kate." Julie moaned.

"Kate's one of the kindest people I know. She's not going to explode or anything Julie." Jack tried to sound reassuring.

"Will you tell her for me?" Julie asked.

"Julie, you need to talk to someone about this." Jack insisted.

"I will, I just want you to kind of soften her up for me." Julie said making him laugh.

"Okay, I'll soften her up." Jack agreed just as the elevator doors opened.

They stepped into the elevator and watched the doors close.

"Just think, after tomorrow we won't have to walk so far or ride an elevator to be inside our house. Just pull into the driveway and we're home." Jack said.

Julie didn't respond, she chewed on her bottom lip and stared at nothing. They stepped off the elevator and entered the house. Riley was sitting in the living room playing with her toys. Jack walked over to where she was and squatted to her level.

"Hey cutie." Jack said.

"Daddy!" Riley squealed surprised to see him.

"I didn't tell her you were coming, just in case something came up." Kate told him.

He picked Riley up, hugged her and made sure he nuzzled her neck, even though his beard wasn't grown out enough to get the full affect that usually had her begging for him to stop. He carried her into the dining room and showed her the kid's meal they'd brought home for her. He tried to put her in her booster seat but she stiffened her body against his, refusing to bend her legs.

"No! Daddy hold!" Riley screamed.

Jack decided this battle wasn't important enough to fight and sat in a chair with the toddler in his lap. She sat quietly eating her chicken nuggets and french fries, finally getting full and deciding to play with her drink, blowing in the straw trying to make bubbling sounds. Jack took the drink away from her and set it on the table.

"I think you're done." Jack said and tried to wipe her face and hands.

"No! My drink!" Riley screamed, fighting him and reaching for the drink, which ended up in Jack's lap, the lid and straw flying across the room, Riley's shirt and face wet from the splatter.

Kate and Julie took a deep breath, not sure how he was going to react. Riley screaming and demanding something was typically something that didn't set well with him, the fact that she managed to spill a drink all over him in the process could only make the action that much more irritating to him.

Jack didn't react to it at all. He just looked down at the child and sighed lightly. Riley wiped her hands over her face and held them out to Jack, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

"Get it off daddy." Riley whined almost crying.

Jack didn't correct her and make her say please. He stood with her and disappeared down the hallway to the bedrooms.

"Wow, Riley was just a total brat and dumped a cold drink all over him and he didn't even flinch." Julie commented.

"Yeah, he seems a little preoccupied, did something happen?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. He said he had a long surgery this morning and that he couldn't do lunch today, but then he showed up looking for me. Oh, and I think he was arguing with his mom on the way home, but I didn't ask because I like my head right where it's at." Julie said making Kate chuckle.

"Julie, you talk about him like he's the meanest person in the world." Kate said.

"No, he's not mean, but he does have a temper and he was really pissed off when he hung up on his mom." Julie told her.

Kate and Julie talked and finished their lunch. Twenty minutes had passed and Jack hadn't returned to the dining room.

"I'm going to go see what Jack has done with Riley." Kate said and started to pick up the empty food containers from the table.

"I'll get that Kate, go find Jack." Julie offered.

Kate left the room and peeked into their bedroom. She could see a light coming from the closet and entered the room. She stopped just outside the closet door and took in the view. Jack was just pulling a clean pair of boxer briefs up over his hips. He heard Kate approach and turned around.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey yourself, what did you do with Riley?" Kate asked.

"I cleaned her up, put some dry clothes on her and told her it was time for her nap. She's in bed." Jack answered.

"She just went to bed?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"Judging by the way she was acting, she was probably ready for a nap. She didn't protest, just grabbed her puppy and blanket and closed her eyes." Jack said.

"You okay?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, why?" Jack replied reaching for a pair of jeans.

"I don't know, you seem a little down. Did something happen?" Kate asked moving toward him, pushing his hand away from the jeans he was about to remove from the hanger.

"Kate, I need to get dressed. I need to talk to you about something and then I need to go talk to my mom." Jack protested.

"Come on Jack, you're home in the middle of the day, Riley's asleep and you've got nothing on but your underwear. How often does this opportunity present itself?" Kate coaxed wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I'd love to spend the rest of the day in bed with you, but we've got things we need to deal with. To be perfectly honest, I'm so distracted I'm not sure I could get into it." Jack sighed.

Kate took his hands and pulled him out of the closet. She sat him on the bed, closed and locked the bedroom door and crawled onto the bed.

"Lay down with me Jack. We don't have to do anything but snuggle and relax." She offered.

Jack looked over at her, the idea of joining her appealing so he scooted the rest of himself onto the bed, lifted his arm so she could snuggle up next to him and lay her head on his chest and then dropped the arm loosely over her.

"What's got you so distracted?" Kate asked.

"It's just been a trying day." He answered.

"Jack." Kate pushed.

"Kate." He pushed back.

"Julie said you were arguing with your mom on the way home." Kate said hearing him sigh heavily.

"Yeah so what else is new?" Jack grumbled.

"I don't know, is there something new or is it the same crap you were battling over last night?" Kate asked.

"You know talking about this stuff is just too exhausting. You want to have sex, we'll have sex. Take your clothes off." He told her, his tone bordering on aggravated with a hint of tackiness.

Kate grabbed his nipple in her fingers and twisted, making him yelp and pull her hand away.

"What the hell was that for?" He asked.

"For being an ass, acting like making love to me has become a chore. What's wrong with you?" Kate scolded him.

"I told you, it's been a trying day, but you just won't let up. It's not going to get any better either. You need to talk to Julie and I need to go see my mother." Jack told her his voice edgy, something more going on that he was revealing.

"I'm not going to pry information out of you Jack, you're either going to tell me why your day has been so trying or you're going to shut down like you usually do. That's your choice, but you're not going to take your bad mood out on me." Kate insisted.

"Should I start with the 10 year old that died on my table this morning or catching Julie buying a pregnancy test?" Jack asked the edginess that was in his tone not quite as bad.

Kate propped herself up, arms folded over his chest and kissed him.

"I'm sorry Jack, I know you didn't offer much hope for her, but I also know that deep down you wanted her to make it." Kate said

"This probably would've been one of those cases for the patient where there really are worse things than dying, but there probably isn't anything worse than that for a parent." Jack said.

"Did you say Julie bought a pregnancy test?" Kate asked the comment finally registering.

"Yes I did and I brought her home so you could help her deal with it. She's afraid to tell you, wanted me to soften you up you big meanie." Jack chuckled.

"Julie managed to meet a guy and actually sleep with him? Jack, how did we miss that?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, I guess where there's a will there's a way. Hopefully she's not pregnant. She said she's three weeks late, but when I tried to ask her about the details of her cycle she basically told me to mind my own business." Jack told her.

"Gee ya think? God, you're such a doctor sometimes." Kate laughed.

He sat up, rolled her over on her back, leaned over her and kissed her deeply.

"Want to play doctor Kate?" He asked, his tone ornery and sexy, the moody, distracted version of him gone for the moment and it confused her, how could he switch gears so quickly, was it normal to be able to do that.

"Jack, what else happened today? I'm so worried about you. When does the insanity finally become too much for you?" Kate asked her eyes filling with tears.

Her tears started coming in a steady stream, her body trembling slightly beneath his. He hugged her and wiped some of the tears away.

"Hey, it's going to be okay Kate, I'm not going to crack up on you or anything, please don't cry." Jack pleaded, her being afraid and crying ripping his guts out.

"How do you know that? When do you get a break Jack? God, how much is one man supposed to take and there's more, I can tell, something else has gone wrong you're just not telling me. I hate that you have to keep dealing with things that hurt you so much. I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy." Kate cried.

"Shh, it's okay and I am happy, happier than I've ever been in my life. You and Riley and Julie make me happy. I have a real family for the first time in my life and we're all so screwed up and so far from being perfect that it makes me love having all of you in my life even more. Come on Kate, you know me, I'm tough, I can handle anything that gets thrown at me." Jack tried to soothe her.

"Maybe I can't handle it Jack. Maybe seeing you so upset and stressed out all the time makes me hurt for you. I'm forced to sit back and watch these evil women stick knife after knife in your heart, always fucking with your head, never allowing you to relax because you never know what they are planning next and god only knows what that bitch has done to you today, but whatever it is, it's left you sad and depressed and I hate that, because that tells me they are hurting you again." Kate continued on having reached the point of sobbing.

Jack pulled her into his arms midway through the rant, holding her and rocking her, telling her he was sorry for causing her so much worry, pleading with her to try to calm down, to trust him to take care of things. They sat together in silence for nearly 15 minutes, her content in his arms and him content to keep her there for as long as she wanted to be there. She finally pulled away from him a little and looked into his soft, brown eyes. The love and concern for her in them making her heart swell. She loved him so much and couldn't comprehend the hatred Sarah and his mother seemed to share where he was concerned. How was it possible to hate this kind, loving, caring man and how deep did their nonstop emotional daggers cut him? It had to hurt him at a level that most aren't even aware exists, much less could understand and it made her sad, made her heart ache for him, made her want to hurt them.

Jack watched her watching him, the love and concern for him in her eyes the thing that kept him going, that kept him from ever wallowing in it. The hateful, hurtful games couldn't break him as long as he had her, as long as he could always look into those eyes and experience what is real, what it means to truly be in someone's heart and soul. He loved her more than anything else in his life, including his own life, knowing he'd give it up for her without even thinking. He laid her back gently, brushing the hair away from her face and kissing her tenderly with a soft, wet mouth, the passion consuming him, kissing her like this nearly as exciting and satisfying to him as making love to her. He finally pulled his mouth away, lips tingling, his skin hot to the touch, her face glowing and her eyes hazy, desire consuming her body and her mind.

"You've been so supportive through everything Kate, the plane crash, the island, the crap I've brought into our relationship. You'll never know how much that has meant to me. Please don't feel sad or hurt for me because I don't, I have so much in my life to be happy about. Yes, some days it does get to me, makes me want to beat my head against the wall, but its all going to be over soon I promise." Jack told her, his eyes never leaving hers.

She pulled him back down to her, their mouths joining again, their hands moving over one another, his body pressing into hers, his need for her pushing into her hip, fighting the confines of the boxer briefs he was wearing. She slipped her hand inside the waistband of his underwear, finding a handful of his firm butt cheek and squeezing gently, wantonly, making him push harder into her hip area, his mouth continuing to work it's magic over hers while his own hands slowly tugged at her shorts and panties, trying desperately to get them out of his way.

Giving up the struggle for the moment, his hand slipped inside the front of her panties, cupping her gently, making her moan and open up for him, allowing him to slide his long fingers down, over her entrance, allowing one to enter slightly, teasing and gliding slowly back up before moving down again and pushing in completely, making her gasp and buck her hips upward, wanting him to go deeper. He gently pushed her hips back down onto the mattress and inserted a second finger, her wetness easily and eagerly accepting him, seemingly ready to accept his entire hand. He moved his fingers in and out, bringing them out and sliding them up her crease, her entire crotch now wet, slippery and hot, begging for him to continue, to give her more, to get her where the aching, intense, but sweet tingling was begging to get to, small pants and light whimpers emanating into the wet, open mouth that was covering hers.

He pulled his mouth away from hers and sat up. He looked down at her gazing up at him, her beautiful eyes burning with desire, a desire that was all for him and he felt his cock twitch against his underwear and his balls tighten, the familiar sensation of release trying to force its way through. It startled him, having not been this close to ruining things since he was a clumsy teenager fumbling around in the back seat of a car with a cheerleader whose best moves were definitely off the football field. He sucked his breath in and focused for a moment, keeping his thighs together and leaning forward, applying just enough pressure to regain control of the situation and then chuckling lightly at himself.

"Jack." Kate whispered her eyes questioning him.

"No worries, you just manage to turn me back into a horny 17 year old sometimes." He told her and smiled.

He reached down and pulled her shorts and panties away from her and positioned himself between her legs, gliding his hands gently up and down the inside of her thighs, her dripping, wet center begging him to fill her up. He wanted to taste her, to fill his mouth with her juices and his nose with her scent, but she reached out for him, grabbing his shoulders, pulling him forward, a move that typically meant she wanted him inside her now. He pushed his boxers down far enough to release himself and in one swift motion, pushed himself inside her, pushing her legs back and sinking deeper. She wrapped her legs around him, holding him there, his cock throbbing inside her, filling her the way that no other man ever had.

He began to move, pulling back slowly and then driving back in hard, hitting her sensitive clit with each thrust, feeling her legs wrap tighter and tighter around him, eventually preventing any movement from him, her body tense and on the verge, caught in that painful middle area in-between finding release and losing the edge, tumbling backward away from the release she needed so desperately. He gently pulled her legs off of him, convincing her to let them relax. He turned them onto their sides, facing one another, gently lifting her right leg until it was resting comfortably over his left hip and leg. He kissed her and pushed himself in as deep as he could, making her moan into his mouth. They broke the kiss and held onto each other, eyes melting into each others as he moved slowly and gently in and out of her, the warm rush starting to flood her loins.

Her eyes closed and she bit down on her bottom lip and let the orgasm take her. Her entire pelvic region burning and tingling as the flood of electric sensation throbbed within her groin, making her clamp tightly around him, panting and softly whispering his name and when he was certain she was done, that she'd enjoyed every possible second of it, he pushed into her three more times and allowed his own release to overtake him, coming in powerful spurts, not once, not twice, but four times, filling her with his juices, the sensation making him groan and spew profanity into her hungry mouth as she kissed him hungrily while he came.

They stayed together for a few minutes, waiting for their heart rates to return to normal, for the sweat to dry, for the desire to pull apart to overtake them, the latter never happening, their kissing and holding onto each other making them wish they could stay where the were, recharge and make love again. He was the first to pull out of the kiss, looking into her eyes apologetically.

"I wish we could just stay like this for the rest of the day, but Julie really needs you and I have to go talk to my mother before she runs off to where ever it is she runs off to." Jack said and pulled out of her.

"Okay, but you owe me a date mister." Kate said with a smile.

"I owe you a lot more than that Kate." He said.

"That's okay, as long as you owe me I'll never be broke, literally or figuratively." She told him, eliciting that look that only he could give her, a look of trust and complete appreciation for her.

She allowed herself to melt into that look for a moment and then both acknowledging that they were fine, that together they could handle anything, that neither was about to crumble, they shared one last kiss and separated, leaving the bed to prepare for the task each was about to tackle head on.


	33. Chapter 33

_**Tis the season to be busy, busy, but I seem to be ready for the holiday now and will get to relax tomorrow so hopefully I will have time to add another quick chapter, some nice fluff and perhaps some smut...okay I won't forget the jex. My little Christmas gift to those of you have stuck around and kept reading this thing. Until then...here's the latest...**_

Jack sat in his car in the driveway outside his mother's house, the house he'd grown up in. He stared at the tree in the front yard. It was much bigger than it had been when he was eight and fell out of it and broke his arm. He thought about how he had lay in the grass, crying for his mother, the pain in his arm so bad it made him throw up all over her as she was scolding him for getting hurt. He didn't recall much after that. She'd gotten so angry at him for getting sick all over her that she grabbed hold of his arms to get his attention and the next thing he remembered was waking up in a hospital bed with a cast covering his entire arm and part way onto his shoulder. His father was sitting beside his bed, greeting him with a comforting smile, telling him he knew he was probably hurting, but that he needed to try to get his mind off it, focus on something else.

He hadn't thought much about that incident, but today as he sat remembering the events from a doctor's point of view, realizing that a compound fracture of the humerus would bring the toughest of men to their knees, he realized that for an eight year old boy it must've been not only unbearable but incredibly frightening. However, he didn't remember being scared by the injury, he was afraid that he would be in trouble for getting hurt and his mother hadn't disappointed, ignoring the gruesome injury to his arm and scolding him because she had things planned and didn't have time to take him to the doctor.

Jack let go of sick laugh as he remembered that day, knowing that he would run to the aid of any child in that situation with genuine concern and a need to help and to comfort regardless of what else he had going on. He could've understood if his mother had been reacting to the fear that any parent would feel in that situation, but she wasn't, she was truly pissed off at him for ruining her day and his childhood was moment after moment like that. Any nurturing he received came from his father and that stopped early in his childhood, his father intent on making a man out of him, to teach him how not to be so sensitive, how not to care so much, but they always had their moments, moments when Jack needed comfort or advice from his dad and his dad would come through, but the comfort or advice usually came with a lesson or a jab at Jack's personality or hell sometimes even at a price.

He finally pulled himself away from his memories and stepped out of the car, ready to confront his mother with what he'd learned, realizing that whether it was true or not this would be the last time he'd ever step foot in his childhood home because he was ready to sever his ties with her. His childhood and his fucked up parents were something he had to put behind him for good. He had entirely too many good things in his life to waste another minute feeling anything where his parents were concerned. He loved them and they loved him back in their way, the only way they knew how, well at least his father did, and all he could hope to do is be a good parent, be the best father he knew how to be and hopefully not screw things up too much, but most importantly he could not allow his mother to affect him any longer.

Jack rang the doorbell and waited to be escorted into the home. The housekeeper escorted him into the living room and left to tell Margo he had arrived. He didn't bother to sit down, not planning on staying any longer than necessary. He stood at the piano, looking at the pictures displayed there, a picture from his wedding day catching his eye, not because of his latest issues with Sarah, but because the picture displayed was of Christian and Sarah, there were no wedding pictures of himself with Sarah. He shook his head and continued scanning the photos, picking up one of the few that included him. It was taken the day he'd graduated medical school, his father's arm over his shoulder proudly clutching Jack's diploma. He remembered his dad getting someone from the crowd to snap the picture because as with most important events in Jack's life it was just he and his dad sharing the moment.

"Remembering happier times?" Margo asked from across the room.

Jack turned to face her.

"Happy?" Jack asked, his tone sarcastic.

"Oh that's right, you had an unhappy childhood." Margo shot back.

"I didn't come here to do this." Jack sighed.

"Why did you come here? What was so important that you had to see me today?" Margo asked.

"Mom, I need you to tell me why you are doing this, why you would want to hurt that innocent baby, why you would want to hurt Riley, hell why do you insist on keeping Sarah confused about what she wants and needs? I just need to know why." Jack told her.

"Do I need a reason Jack? Can't I just be a concerned grandmother?" Margo asked frowning at the chuckle her response elicited from Jack.

"A woman came to see me today. She had some interesting information about dad to share with me." Jack said.

"Jack, I'm not interested in listening to you talk your father down. He gave you everything, loved you and how did you repay him? You stabbed him in the back. You'll never be half the man he was." Margo bit.

Jack let her insults bounce of him, refusing to feel guilty about what his father forced him to do any longer.

"This woman knew you too, said she used to run errands for you." Jack said watching his mother's facial expression go from haughty to grim right before she faked weakness and lowered herself into a chair.

"What else did she tell you Jack?" Margo asked.

"Judging by the look on your face she told me the truth." Jack said.

"Don't look at me like that Jack, you didn't need that little slut in your life!" She snapped.

"Shut up!" Jack snapped back.

"Don't you talk to me like that, I'm your mother!" She demanded.

"No you're not, you never wanted to be my mother." Jack replied hatefully.

"Jack, that's not true, I……." Margo began to plead trying to get to him, stopped by him putting his hand up.

"Just shut up, okay? I don't want to hear anymore lies from you. You could've told me why you couldn't stand the sight of me. I could've handled that easier than all those years of wondering what I'd done wrong, why my mother never wanted anything to do with me, why I was never worthy of any kind of affection from you, why you never showed up to watch anything whether it was a little league game, a graduation or even my wedding." Jack ranted, years of hurt and anger coming out of him all at once.

"What do you want from me Jack? An apology? You grew up with the best of everything, yet you continue to whine about your awful parents. You stole him from me. Once you came along he never had time for anything or anyone, but you and that damn hospital and when you got older he found company elsewhere, just forgot I existed." Margo told him, years of bitterness hanging heavy in her words.

Jack approached her, bent down until he was inches from her face.

"I'm supposed to feel guilty about that? Obviously he was finding company elsewhere long before I came along or I wouldn't be here!" Jack screamed.

"Get out of my face Jack! You've always been a stubborn, hot-tempered boy and I won't sit here and listen to you disrespect me. I deserve better than that from you." She seethed.

"You deserve (sick laugh) what fucking planet to you live on?!" He yelled at her.

"Get out of my house Jack! I won't listen to that foul language in my home." She ordered.

He stood up straight, the veins in his neck protruding, angry and reared back like a snake ready to strike its victim.

"I'll get out and when I do that's it, we're done. Is that understood? You get over this bullshit with that baby and with Riley because you aren't their grandmother and you have no rights anymore. Stay away from Sarah. Let me deal with her or I swear I will beat you at your own game, ruin you within your haughty little social group, make it so you'll be too embarrassed to step foot out of this house again." Jack threatened.

"Fine. I've grown tired of Sarah's whining and sniveling. It's hard to believe you ended up divorced because you're exactly alike." Margo sniped.

"You really don't care do you?" Jack asked.

"Care about what?" She asked.

"You're completely alone. You could've had a family, a son, grandchildren and you don't care at all that you don't. How does a person become as dead as you are and still have a heartbeat?" Jack asked.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I never wanted a family? That I never wanted a son or grandchildren? Maybe that isn't my idea of happiness." Margo argued.

"Yeah, so what is your idea of happiness?" Jack asked.

"Christian. He was all I ever wanted, all I ever needed. I would've done anything for him, including playing mommy to his illegitimate child. He was a great man, the best." Margo answered.

Jack dropped his head and laughed an insane laugh, thinking about the years he'd spent believing the same thing about his father even though there was so much evidence to the contrary. The years he'd spent worrying that he could never measure up, never be as great as his father, never make his father proud only to find out from a stranger Christian had met in a bar that he felt the same way about his son. So many wasted years, so much anger, so much pain inflicted on each other and all because neither one of them could find it within themselves to be honest, to admit they respected and admired one another.

"No mom, he was never a great man, but like most of us he probably did the best he knew how. However misguided his methods may have been where I was concerned, his intentions were good. I guess his intentions where you were concerned were to fulfill his promise to be your husband until death even if he had to live inside a bottle of alcohol and find passion elsewhere in order to keep his word. Was it worth it? Were you happy?" Jack asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Go to hell Jack." She spat venomously at him.

"No, I'm ready to enjoy life, maybe really enjoy it for the first time, so you go to hell! You seem to enjoy it there!" Jack spat back.

He turned away from her, walked back over to the piano, grabbed the picture of him and his dad he'd been studying earlier and turned to face her.

"I'm taking this with me. It was his, something he wanted and it was one of the best days and nights we ever had together." Jack told her.

"Take it, I don't care." She sighed.

"You're my mom, or at least the only one I ever knew and even though you can't stand me, I'm always going to love you because that's what children do. We can't be a part of each other's lives anymore, but my final words to you aren't going to be full of contempt. My father died believing I hated him and I won't let that happen with you. So, goodbye mom and good luck. I'll see myself out." Jack said finding the situation much more emotional for him than he imagined, turning away from her again so she wouldn't see it was getting to him and slowly walking out of the room and finally the house.

She didn't try to stop him and didn't tell him she loved him too and it hurt, but at least he finally knew why she couldn't find it in her heart to love him and that made the situation tolerable and something he knew he could finally put behind him in time. He opened his car door and tossed the picture into the passenger seat before seating himself in the driver's seat. He dug through his pocket for his keys, upset and fighting his emotions, he quickly put the keys in the ignition, started the car, backed out of the driveway and took off down the long winding road so quickly his tires squealed a little. He glanced down at the photo in the passenger seat, pulled the car off the road and let go of a lifetime of anger and pain, sobbing and no longer trying to stifle it, his entire upper body shaking as he sat slumped over the steering wheel crying as hard as he'd ever cried over anything in his life.

He was finally allowing the grief over his father's death to take over, have its way with him. He cried for him, told him how much he missed him, talked with him, apologized to him and wished he had been able to bring him home. He'd for all intents and purposes just lost his mother as well and didn't fight the sadness even though his analytical mind told him he was stupid for caring. He wasn't sure how long he had sat alone in his car crying, he only knew that he felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off of him when he finally put the car back into drive and pulled back onto the road.

Jack arrived home in a very good mood, feeling positive and even considering being less organized and trying to live in the day once in awhile, try doing something spur of the moment and just go with it. He thought about the big move that would take place the next day and how it was summer time and that they didn't need to be around for it, that the moving company he'd hired could handle the job just fine without him if he could put aside his anal ways and just allow them to do their job. He smiled and still clutching the picture in his left hand opened the door to their condo, ready to surprise the three women in his life with an act of spontaneous fun.

Riley heard the door open and came bouncing toward him. He reached down and scooped her up in his arms. She'd obviously woken up in a much better mood, jibber-jabbering nonstop about something Jack couldn't decipher, finally laughing at the child's excitement and suggesting she slow down. He could hear Kate and Julie in the dining room and joined them, Riley still working hard to tell him what had her so excited. Kate looked at him and the puzzled look on his face and giggled.

"What is she so excited about?" Jack asked laughing lightly.

"She's been making you cookies." Kate answered.

Jack looked down at the table at the cookie mess, the frosting and the little candies everywhere while Riley struggled against him, wanting down. He held onto her lightly and slid her down his torso and leg until she landed on the floor and watched her scamper away so excited he checked his shirt to make sure she hadn't peed her pants. She stopped beside Kate and Kate handed her a plate that had a large round cookie on it.

"Be very careful sweetie, walk slowly." Kate instructed the child.

Riley slowly walked back over to Jack, concentrating with as much intensity as a two year old is capable of, trying very hard to hold the plate steady and finally stopped in front of him, craning her head back to look up at him, smiling and obviously very proud of herself. Jack squatted down to her level and looked at her.

"Is that for me?" He asked sweetly.

"I cook for daddy." Riley said proudly.

Jack looked at the cookie. The frosting on it had to be a 1/2-inch thick with round candy-coated chocolate candies forming what he guessed was supposed to be a happy face. The eyes were spaced way too far apart and were offset, the nose had been pushed into the frosting so hard it was nearly buried and at the bottom was a crooked line of candies that he was pretty sure was supposed to be the mouth, this happy face looking more undecided than happy. It was the best looking cookie he'd ever laid eyes on.

"You made this all by yourself?" Jack asked her.

"I do it awl daddy. It pwetty?" Riley asked her big eyes staring at him, his approval meaning everything to her.

"It's beautiful, I love it. Thank you." Jack told her and hugged her and kissed her on the cheek before picking her and the cookie up. Riley put her head on his shoulder and patted him on the back making him smile.

"I love daddy so much!" Riley squealed, imitating the words that Jack said to her daily, her young mind not fully grasping what the words meant, but understanding enough to know those words always came with a tight hug and kiss and that made them good words.

Kate could see his eyes filling with tears as he returned the hug and the sentiment, kissing her again and holding her close for a moment before lightening things back up by nuzzling her neck until she begged him to stop.

"Daddy eat!" Riley demanded, sticking her finger into the frosting on the cookie and then shoving the frosting tipped finger into her mouth.

"You stick your finger in my food and expect me to eat it?" Jack objected.

"Jack." Kate warned.

"I'm just messing with her, I'm going to take a bite, I'm just wondering if I should sit down first, in case it throws me into a sugar fit." Jack chuckled.

Jack took a bite of the cookie, the excessive frosting sticking to the roof of his mouth nearly locking him up. He chewed it up and swallowed it. It was very good, but the sweetness made it impossible for him to continue on.

"That was very good, but daddy is full so I'll finish it later. Okay?" Jack explained.

"I bite!" Riley demanded.

He held the cookie up for her to take a bite. She grabbed it with both hands and took as big of a bite as she could making Jack laugh. She ended up with frosting all over the tip of her nose and all over both hands. She made sure she licked her hands and then held them up for him.

"Off." Riley whined.

"Okay, let's go wash it off." Jack said and carried her into the kitchen.

"What do you want to do for dinner?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, what kind of mood are we in?" Jack asked.

Kate knew what he was asking and thought about how she should respond.

"We're in a 'Whew it was a false alarm' kind of mood." Kate answered.

Jack stepped back into the dining room still wiping the frosting from Riley's hands.

"Really? It was negative?" Jack asked.

"Yes, that's cause for celebration don't you think?" Kate asked.

"Is it Julie?" Jack asked.

"Yes." Julie answered keeping her eyes on the table.

"You're sure?" Jack asked.

"What is your problem? I'm so sick of you always picking on me!" Julie yelled and ran out of the room crying.

"Jack, was that really necessary?" Kate asked.

"You don't think she might be just a little disappointed Kate? I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm trying to understand where her head is at." Jack defended himself.

"You think she wanted to be pregnant?" Kate asked in a shocked tone.

"I don't think she knows what she wants. She's lonely, confused, doesn't trust anyone, feels like she has nothing she can call her own and what better way to fill a big void in your life like that than with your very own baby." Jack explained.

"She has us." Kate said sadly.

"She does, but she doesn't feel that way, doesn't feel like she belongs, isn't ready to claim us as her family or this as her home." Jack said.

"You're more in touch with her needs and feelings than I am, how pathetic is that?" Kate sighed.

"No, I'm just more open to seeing her struggles because I don't have the emotional connection with her that you do coupled with the guilt that you carry around, unwarranted guilt as far as I'm concerned." Jack said.

"I better go talk to her some more." Kate said.

"No, I made her cry I'll go clean up my mess." Jack said.

"Are you sure?" Kate asked.

"Of course, here take Riley for me." Jack said handing Riley over to her.

"No! Daddy hold!" Riley screamed, putting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Riley that high-pitched squeal has got to go before you cause irreparable nerve damage. Be nice and say daddy please hold me." Jack instructed the child.

"Daddy pease." Riley said softly, refusing to lift her head from his shoulder.

"You really are cute when you're trying to reason with a two year old." Kate told him and kissed him.

"Two, 16 or 27, it doesn't matter, you're women and you can't be reasoned with, but I try." He teased.

Jack left the room and walked down the hallway to the bedroom Julie and Riley shared. The door was shut. He knocked on it lightly and then entered. Julie was lying on her bed; she looked up at him, glared at him and turned over so her back was to him. Jack sat on the edge of the bed and repositioned Riley into his lap.

"So you're not going to talk to me?" Jack asked.

"I don't feel like talking. I'm tired. I just want to be by myself." Julie mumbled and wiped a fresh tear from her face.

"I didn't mean to upset you, I was just wondering how you really felt about it, I mean it'd be kind of shitty if we're all celebrating and you're feeling disappointed." Jack explained.

"It would be stupid to feel that way don't you think." Julie objected.

"Who's to say what feelings are stupid?" Jack said.

"I really don't know how I feel, I mostly just feel confused." Julie admitted in a sad tone.

Jack drew his attention to Riley who was squirming to get out of his lap. He set her down on the floor and watched her walk over to her toy box. He turned his attention back to Julie who was staring off into space. She finally rolled over and looked up at him briefly before directing her attention to Riley who was giving her one of her stuffed animals.

"No be sad Jeewie." Riley said and pushed the stuffed bear at her.

Julie looked at the little girl, hugged the bear, turned back over and began crying again. Jack picked Riley up and kissed her on the cheek.

"That was very nice Riley." Jack said before setting her back down and watching her walk away calling for Kate as she toddled out of his sight.

"What's going on Julie?" Jack asked.

"You're a really good father Jack and Riley thinks you are IT, you should've seen her making that cookie for you. She's lucky to have a dad that cares so much about her." Julie told him.

"Thanks, I consider myself lucky to have such a great kid. I'm sorry Julie, I'm trying to understand. What does Riley have to do with your current state of mind?" Jack asked.

"I'm a bad person. You guys should maybe think about sending me back to Iowa. I don't deserve to live here." Julie told him.

"Why would you say that? Did something happen?" Jack asked.

"I'm jealous. I see you with Riley and it makes me feel jealous that she has this really great dad that she worships, that is her whole world. That is so stupid to feel that way and it's wrong and I hate myself and I think I'm crazy." Julie stressed her confession making him smile.

Julie caught his smile and it made her mad. She sat up on her knees and got in his face.

"I tell you something that is personal, embarrassing and freaking me out and you're going to sit there and laugh at me!" Julie yelled and shoved at him, moving herself off the bed to get away from him. He grabbed her arm gently and wouldn't let her go.

"I was smiling because I was relieved. I thought you were going to tell me you'd done something awful. Julie, your feelings are perfectly normal. You've had a difficult childhood, it's okay to feel jealous about what you didn't get to have. It's okay as long as you accept the feelings for what they are and try to move past it, don't obsess over it and let it rule your life." Jack explained.

"No it's not Jack! You don't understand! I'm not normal!" Julie cried.

Jack pulled her back toward the bed and convinced her to sit back down. She sat with her hands in her lap, looking at the floor. He looked down at her, trying to read her, trying to understand what it was she trying so desperately to share with him, but was too ashamed to get it out.

"Julie what is it? What is so awful that you're convinced you aren't normal?" Jack asked.

"I hear things in the cafeteria Jack, I knew your patient died and I knew you'd be coming around to at least eat lunch in the cafeteria so I disobeyed knowing you'd come looking for me. I waited and as soon as I saw you exit the hospital I went inside and bought the pregnancy test. That whole thing was a lie, I've never even had sex." Julie mumbled.


	34. Chapter 34

**_As promised. Happy Holidays!_**

Jack was taken back for a moment by Julie's confession, trying to understand why she would do that and it became clear to him. She wanted his attention, positive or negative, it didn't matter. He had already assumed that her bad behavior had been about seeking attention, but it hadn't occurred to him that it was his attention specifically she was seeking. She was jealous of the attention he showered Riley with, not the relationship he had with his daughter. The revelation startled him a bit, but he knew he couldn't let Julie see that, he needed to understand exactly what kind of attention it was she wanted from him and not assume the worst so he acted like he was still confused.

"Julie, why would you do that?" Jack asked.

"I don't know." She answered.

"You're going to have to do better than that." Jack pushed.

"That's the best I've got to offer." Julie said.

"Your best is unacceptable so dig a little deeper." Jack said.

"I'm so weird, what is wrong with me?" Julie asked to no one in particular.

"Why do you think you're weird?" Jack asked.

"Because I like it when you're around, look forward to you coming home, want to spend time with you, but not in the way you're probably thinking right now. I don't have a crush on you or anything. You're just really awesome. I feel safe when you're around." Julie admitted slowly and cautiously her explanation bringing him both relief and a twinge of sadness.

"Julie, I'm really not all that awesome, but I'm flattered that you feel that way. I'm also happy that you feel safe because keeping you and Kate and Riley safe and happy is my top priority these days. There is nothing weird or bad about the way you feel about me, it makes me feel good that you would actually want to spend time with me." Jack tried to calm her, help her not feel so embarrassed and strange.

"I'm sorry Jack. I don't know why I feel this way. I don't normally latch onto people, but that first day you seemed like you cared and I liked the way that felt and now its like I have to have that and I don't understand why or what to do about it. How do I stop caring what you think about me or feeling so happy when you pay attention to me? It's stupid and no matter what I do I can't seem to make you mad enough to send me away." Julie said fighting to keep her tears in check.

Jack suddenly realized just how out of touch with Julie's feelings and needs he had been. He'd kept an open mind about her struggles, but he never picked up on just how much his approval and one on one attention meant to her. He felt terrible, his propensity to be insensitive coming back to bite him once again.

"Julie, I care very much about you and you don't need to be sorry or ashamed about liking the way it feels to have somebody care about you. Other than Kate, you've probably not known what that feels like. It's not stupid for you to want or need that from me and if I weren't such an insensitive jerk I would've picked up on it." Jack said.

"No, see now it's going to be weird and uncomfortable and you're going to walk around pretending to care so I'll stop acting crazy." Julie argued.

"No it won't. Get your shoes and I'll get Kate and Riley. I want to show you something." Jack told her.

Jack left the room in search of Kate and Riley. He found them in their bathroom. Riley was sitting on the counter, while Kate gently brushed her hair back. He stood and watched for a moment, fixing her hair obviously a routine for them as Riley held onto the barrettes and handed one to Kate when asked. He smiled and shook his head, amazed how watching something so simple could make him feel so good. Kate felt his presence and looked toward the door.

"She wanted her hair fixed. Is Julie okay?" Kate asked.

"We've got so much to talk about when we get a moment alone, but right now I think it's important that we show Julie the house." Jack said.

"You don't want to wait until tomorrow?" Kate asked.

"Actually I was planning on taking all of us to San Diego tomorrow. My dad has a beach condo there. I thought it would be fun to get away and just play for a couple of days." Jack told her.

"Sounds nice, we really haven't been near a beach since we got back. A home on the beach with running water and electricity and beds to sleep in, what a novel idea." Kate teased.

"So are you up for a quick trip to the house and then maybe some dinner?" Jack asked.

"Sure, take your daughter and find her sandals and I'll change my clothes, freshen up a bit." Kate told him as she lifted Riley off the counter and handed her to Jack.

Thirty minutes later they were in the car headed to Pasadena to the neighborhood where their house was located. Julie quietly watched out the car window as the car drove slowly down the residential street that displayed fairly large homes with perfectly manicured green lawns, a sidewalk running up and down each street with couples pushing strollers or children riding bicycles. It was by no means a neighborhood full of mansions, but it was definitely what would be classified as affluent. It was beautiful, like something you see on television, but never really considered it existed for real.

Jack finally pulled the car into a driveway and turned the engine off. Julie looked up and through the windshield. The house was beautiful, a modern two-story home with a covered porch that appeared to go around the entire house, the long driveway extending back beyond the home to a detached 4 car garage.

"You're going to live here?" Julie asked, her eyes still taking in the view her mouth hanging open just a little.

"No, we're going to live here. Come on let's go inside." Jack said and opened his car door.

Jack retrieved Riley from the back seat and followed Kate and Julie to the front door where Kate put the key into the deadbolt and then the handle and opened the door. They went inside and Kate excitedly showed Julie the different rooms in the house, the kitchen that was three times the size of the one in the condo with a breakfast bar, a booth and a small dining area, the formal dining room that was already furnished with a brand new solid oak dining room table and hutch, the large family room that was empty, awaiting the arrival of the furniture from the condo, the formal living room that was also furnished with brand new furnishings as well as a study/office that was also newly furnished.

"This is really nice." Julie said.

"Yeah can you imagine not tripping over each other anymore?" Kate said.

"Let's go upstairs." Jack suggested, leading the way with Riley bouncing on his hip as he took the stairs at a quickened pace.

Upstairs there was a loft with bookshelves on one wall. A large flat screen television was mounted on the other wall and the furnishings were simple, made for kids and lounging and rough housing. A hallway ran the width of the house with 3 bedrooms on one end and two bedrooms on the other end.

"The master bedroom is down there and we'll put Riley and the baby in the two rooms close to ours. They'll even have their own bathroom to share. What do you think?" Kate asked.

"It sounds nice." Julie said wondering about a bedroom for her, but still feeling weird over the conversation she had with Jack and almost hoping she wasn't in the plans at all.

"We thought you'd like being on the other end of the house where you could have some privacy, not have Riley always in your stuff." Kate said and pointed toward the other end of the hallway.

Julie looked toward the door at the end of the hallway and then back at Jack and Kate.

"You'll have your own bathroom too." Kate said.

"Cool." Julie said not moving.

"So are you going to just stand there or are you going to go check out your bedroom?" Jack asked chuckling lightly.

Julie nodded and walked toward the closed door with Kate right behind her. Jack hung back a little and let them enter the room together. Julie stopped just inside the room looking around her eyes wide and disbelieving. The room was furnished with brand new bedroom furniture a vanity and a desk. There was a small flat screen television mounted to the wall, a compact mini stereo on a small table in the corner and a laptop computer and cordless phone on the desk. The room was decorated in her favorite color and was the biggest bedroom she'd ever seen in her life. Julie was overwhelmed. She turned to Kate, the look on her face everything both Jack and Kate had hoped for when they put the room together.

"This is mine?" Was all Julie could manage.

"Yes, it's yours. Do you like it?" Kate asked.

"Are you kidding, it's great, but it's too much Kate, I don't deserve this. I can't take this from you, I've caused too much trouble." Julie told her with tears in her eyes.

"This was Jack's idea Julie so you'll have to take that up with him." Kate told her and hugged her.

Julie looked at Jack who was standing in the doorway with Riley. She approached him and looked up at him.

"Why would you want to do this? I wrecked your house." Julie said.

"Well, we had this room done before that happened, but it wouldn't have mattered. I wanted to do this for you Julie because I care about you and want you to feel like you belong here with us. Nothing is going to be weird between us and I won't be pretending I care just to make you feel better because as you can see I already did care and probably have since you showed up at our front door." Jack told her watching the tears stream slowly down her cheeks.

"Thank you." Julie squeaked out.

"Come here." Jack said softly and pulled her into him, hugging her with his free arm.

Kate watched the two of them, warmed by how much Julie seemed to look to him for comfort, understanding how easy it was to want, need and expect that from Jack. She also picked up on the strain between them and remembered Jack said they needed to talk and understood that Julie was one of the things they needed to talk about.

"I'm sorry for everything Jack, I promise I'm going to behave." Julie told him as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"How about you just do your best to be happy, enjoy all the friends you're going to make once school starts and try to make good decisions and Kate and I will be around to pick you up and dust you off when you don't. I don't expect you to be perfect Julie, I just expect you to be honest with me so please no more trouble just for the sake of seeing if you can make my head explode." Jack said making her laugh lightly.

They left the house, found a restaurant and had a quiet dinner. Julie seemed to be genuinely excited about spending a couple of days at the beach and even more so when Jack suggested they invite Nicole to come along so she'd have someone her own age to hang out with. They arrived home to spend their final night in the cramped confines of the condo. Riley had fallen asleep in the car so while Jack put her to bed, Kate walked down the hall to Jennifer's condo to see if Nicole could join them for the weekend. Jack was relaxing on the couch when Kate returned without Julie.

"Where's Julie?" Jack asked.

"She is spending the night with Nicole. I told them to be ready by 9AM." Kate said as she straddled him and relaxed onto his lap.

He wrapped his arms around her lower back and pulled her closer.

"So we are alone, just the two of us?" He asked with a sexy grin.

"Well there is a sleeping two year old in the next room, but if you're wondering if we're about to have that private moment we needed so we could talk the answer is yes." Kate answered amused at how obvious it was that talking wasn't what he had on his mind.

"Can we play first?" Jack asked kissing her softly.

"We both know if we play first we'll never get to the talking part because you'll leave me too pleasantly exhausted to stay awake." Kate told him.

"If I agree to talk first can I play for as long as I want?" Jack asked and kissed her neck lightly.

"Sure, but that means I get to play for as long as I want too and that kind of sucks for you because I'll last longer." Kate teased.

"You don't last longer, you're just lucky enough to be able to get off 50 times in an hour if you want to." Jack laughed.

"I'm certain that would put me into cardiac arrest. So tell me Jack, what happened today, with your mom?" Kate asked.

"It's a long story but I found out today she's not my mother, not the woman that gave birth to me anyway, that woman came to see me to today." Jack said.

"Good grief Jack, that's must've been awful for you." Kate said.

"Should've been huh? It was actually somewhat of a relief. At least now I know why my mother can't stand me. I'm the product of one of my father's numerous affairs. She didn't even try to deny it when I confronted her with the information, so I think she was a little relieved too, glad to finally be rid of me and not have to pretend anymore." Jack said a slight hint of sadness in his voice.

"I'm sorry Jack. It's sad that any person would be willing to allow you to walk out of their life. I can't imagine life without you in it." Kate said making him smile.

"You're biased I think. I've come to realize that I really never had much of a life before flight 815. Sure, I had the best of everything, even had the adoring little doctor's wife there for a little while, but I never realized just how miserable I was until I met you so I'm okay, as long as I have you three beautiful girls to come home to every day, I'm the luckiest man in the world." Jack said pulling her closer and kissing her, a lingering kiss that Kate finally pulled out of before things got out of control.

"What happened with Julie today?" Kate asked.

"I really blew it with her Kate. I assumed Julie has been acting out to get attention, but I guess I didn't bother to notice how much she wanted my attention. She made up that whole pregnancy story. She says she's never even had sex." Jack told her.

"Jack, you've been so good to her, don't beat yourself up for not being able to read her mind. Julie is going to be 17 pretty soon, but she is very immature emotionally, which is why I was so shocked that she'd actually had sex. I'm glad to hear that she really didn't because I really don't think she's ready for that." Kate explained.

"It makes me really sad to think about her growing up with nobody giving a shit about her, it's not surprising she's not grown much emotionally, probably hasn't progressed much at all since you dropped out of her life. Knowing that you would have to drop out of her life and leave her with nobody to care about her or leave her in a situation where she'd suffer sexual and emotional abuse. That was a hell of a choice to have to make Kate, I can't imagine. I wish we had more time with her, more time to allow her to grow up feeling safe and secure." Jack said.

"She's not ready to be a senior in high school emotionally or any other way for that matter. Her transcripts from her school in Iowa came the other day. Her grades are horrible and she has no where near the required amount of credits to graduate. She made me promise not to tell you she was stupid, so I told her I'd give her a few days and we'd figure out what to do together, but it would probably be best to just have her repeat the 11th grade, give her some time to adjust and grow up and hopefully learn." Kate suggested.

"That would probably be better than trying to make it up and it gives her a couple of years to just be a kid." Jack said.

"You don't mind that she'd be with us longer than we initially thought?" Kate asked.

"Kate, I love your little sister. When she isn't busy pushing my buttons she's a sweet kid. I don't want or need for her to be gone. It would be great if she could get used to being a normal kid, get her grades up over the next couple of years and want to go to college and eventually want to get away from us, but that's up to her. Right now we just need to focus on her current needs and you need to cuff me in the back of the head when I'm being insensitive and not noticing that she needs my attention." Jack said.

"You're entirely too hard on yourself Jack, you've given her more attention over the last few months than any male authority figure ever has, that's why she loves you and wants to be someone you care about." Kate said.

"I do." Jack said.

"I know that and now hopefully she gets it too so let's just put the latest incident behind us and hope for better days. I'm so relieved she's still a virgin I feel like celebrating." Kate giggled.

"Does that mean we're done talking and can start playing?" He asked in an ornery tone as he slipped his hands up inside her shirt.

She smiled at him, kissed him lightly, and attempted to move off of his lap. She didn't resist when she felt his hand on the back of her neck holding her close as he brought his mouth to hers and kissed her passionately and longingly with a hot, wet mouth that instantly triggered all of her desires. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him back with an equal amount of passion and she could feel his hands moving over her back and over her thighs. She felt like after such a serious discussion they should share a tender moment, but he could and did rile so many of her senses that being tender was the furthest thing from her mind and she pulled out of the kiss and slapped at his chest.

"What was that for?" He asked slightly amused.

"That's for being you. Look at me? I'm ready to rip my clothes off and ride you until you beg for mercy." She answered.

"So what's stopping you?" He said with a grin.

She looked into his eyes, reached down, grabbed her shirt, and pulled it up over her head and off. She tossed it to the floor as his hands immediately found their way to the two breasts in front of him. He kissed her while his hands moved over her and she could feel his mouth moving down her neck and arched her back some as he closed his mouth over a nipple and sucked lightly. She was still straddling him and could feel him getting hard through his jeans as she slowly pressed her hips into him and urged him to suck harder. He moved his mouth to her other breast and ran his tongue over the hard nipple, biting lightly and then sucking it hard into his mouth. She continued to grind into him as he continued to bite and suck at her breasts. She felt his hands grip her around the waist, move her off of his lap and set her down in front of him without getting up.

He reached out and unbuttoned and unzipped the shorts she had on and pulled on them until they finally slid down her soft, creamy thighs and to the floor. He placed his fingers inside the elastic waistband of her panties and slowly pulled them down over her hips, slowly exposing her triangle of heat, providing himself his own personal strip tease. He had her panties to the mid-point of her thighs and stopped. He smiled at her and pulled her toward him, gently laying her over his lap, her body resting comfortably on the cushions on either side of him.

She could feel his hands gently rubbing over her back and the feeling of lying on him with her panties partially pulled down and exposing her ass to him sent a rush of electricity through her making her ache for him. She felt his hand glide over her ass and thighs and moaned and squirmed a little. He pushed her panties down to her knees and moved his hand back up over her thighs and bottom gently, making her squirm as she struggled to soothe the aching in her crotch.

He slid out from under her and laid her onto the cushions. She started to move and he stilled her with his strong, warm hand.

"Stay right there." He said softly.

She stayed on her stomach as requested and felt his tongue moving up the back of her thigh. She moaned as he continued to move his tongue slowly up over her thighs and into the space in-between them. She could feel him gently kissing and rubbing the cheeks of her ass as his fingers would just barely slide to the space between her legs and back out. He worked his way back underneath her and she was lying across his lap again.

He had undressed while he had her laid out on the couch and now she laid across his bare legs wondering if he would finally remove her panties all the way and give her what she was about to start screaming for. He continued to move his hand over her butt and when she felt him penetrate her with a finger she moaned loudly. He began moving his finger in and out as she pushed her most sensitive area hard into his thighs wanting and needing to come.

"Jack please, let me up. I want to….." She moaned.

"You want to what?" He asked.

"What do you think?" She replied, getting a little frustrated with him.

"I want you to say it out loud, just like you whisper it in my ear." He coaxed as he slipped a second finger in and quickened the pace making her cry out and push herself harder into his thighs.

"I want to fuck your brains out, now." She told him and could feel his erection twitch in anticipation.

"Come for me first, I want you to be so wet and slippery you'll try to bounce your way off of me." Jack said in a lustful tone as he slowly turned her onto her back.

He laid her gently onto the cushions, teased her for a few seconds, pulled his hand away, pushed her panties down the rest of the way and gently pushed her legs open, exposing her hot core to him. He reinserted his fingers and rubbed her clit with his free hand, pulling away to rub her wetness over her stomach and tease her nipples with it, knowing he'd have those nipples in his mouth soon and wanted to be able to taste her and smell her while she rode him into release, the thought of it making his hard cock twitch. He brought his hand back down again and gently massaged until she clinched around his fingers and came hard, panting through clenched teeth, trying not to scream and wake Riley.

She sat up, pushed him back until his back was resting against the back of the couch and straddled him. With her arms wrapped around his head and her breasts in his face she slowly slid onto him, taking him in fully and began kissing him. She could feel his hardened length pushed up inside of her, her walls stretched to their limit and full and they held the position while they kissed, his hands moving over her back as he grew harder inside of her. He always had her in the position to beg and now it was her turn. She was in control, the walls of her vagina clamped tightly around him, her crotch pressed firmly into his and not moving. He needed her to move or he needed to move, but she wouldn't budge. She could feel his body temperature rising by the second and his cock pulsing inside of her. She put her mouth to his ear, whispering and asking him what he needed and "come on baby" was all he could manage

She wanted him to ask for it, just like he'd made her ask for it and the longer she held him off the more turned on both of them became. He finally lay back on his back pulling her down with him and said the words she wanted to hear. He began begging her to fuck him and as she began moving he encouraged her to fuck him harder. She came quickly and he let her get through her orgasm before lifting her off of him. He stood with her in front of him, her back to him and guided them both down to their knees. He kept her back pressed into his chest and reentered her. He kept one hand on her chest while the other moved gently over her hot, slippery center as he moved in and out of her at a slow, but steady pace. He kissed her neck and talked softly into her ear, telling her exactly what it felt like for him, her wrapped around him like warm velvety cloak.

He continued described the feeling of the slippery warmth as his orgasm began building and held tightly to her as her own orgasms hit. She admitted she was getting tired and he began pumping himself into her harder and faster, encouraging her to find just one more and come with him. She leaned heavily into him and let his hand work her swollen clit over while he pushed his cock in deeper, harder, and faster. She could feel it building, the climax she was headed for so intense she was holding her breath and could hear him softly encouraging her to breathe. As soon as she took a breath the orgasm began to rock her body. He pushed himself in as deep as she could stand and came hard, holding tightly to her, groaning at the pleasure and relief coming out of him in sporadic releases. She held onto the arm he had wrapped around her, closed her eyes, and allowed her body to become completely enveloped in the ecstasy. Still quivering from the experience she relaxed into him completely as he took them both all the way down to the floor on their sides. He wrapped his arms around her and held onto her as if she might be sucked away by some unforeseeable force.

They lay quietly for a few minutes, both catching their breath and allowing their bodies to relax and cool down. Being wrapped up in his arms always felt safe and comforting and she was in no hurry to pull away from him. She could feel his breathing becoming normal and steady and finally turned around to face to him. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep because he had loosened his grip on her so she could turn around and now his hand was moving slowly over her back. His neck and chest were still slightly damp from the sweat he had worked up and as she scooted up enough to bring her mouth to his she wondered if she could ever get enough of him.

They lay together locked in a passionate kiss for a long time. She loved the way his skin felt and smelled and she loved the feel of his tongue in her mouth as he continued to kiss her and move his strong hands over her. He was the first man she'd ever been with that she allowed to see her completely naked and not in the physical sense, she'd allowed herself to open up to him emotionally and the wonderful feelings and sensations his kisses brought out of her still amazed her. He pulled out of the kiss and looked into her eyes just as he had done dozens of times in the past and just like all those other times she felt like she could see into his soul and she felt a comforting warmth encompass her entire body and she knew she'd love this man until she went to her grave.

"Now who was it again that lasts longer?" He teased.

"I'm at a disadvantage, I'm pregnant and tire easily." She said.

"Disadvantage? You've been so horny I can barely keep up with you. Admit it Kate, I am the master." Jack continued to tease.

"Okay Jack, you can be the master. Hopefully the master's batteries are recharged because I'm ready to go to bed and I'm not sleepy." She told him as she pulled away from him and stood.

He grinned up at her and pulled himself to his feet. They walked into the bedroom, pulled the bed coverings back and climbed in, meeting in the center, her snuggling up to him and resting her head on his chest and him wrapping her up as tight as he could without suffocating her and pulling the comforter over them. She lay quietly in his arms gently moving her fingers through the hair on his chest.

"I thought you weren't tired." He said.

"I'm not, I'm enjoying the moment. Nothing feels better to me than this." Kate said sweetly and kissed him before snuggling back in as close as she could get.

They stayed that way until they fell asleep, both ready to face the new challenges ahead, the last sensation Jack felt that night was the light fluttering of his son from within Kate's womb, making him smile, hold her a little tighter and let sleep overtake him.


	35. Chapter 35

Time passed uneventfully over the next few months. Sarah had filed a custody suit, but it was still in the preliminary stages. Jack's attorney was handling the details and he'd been told to just continue on with his every day life until he heard from him. Jack had caught glimpses of Sarah watching him coming and going from the hospital and he was fairly certain he'd seen her watching their home from a distance trying to catch a glimpse of Riley. He felt a twinge of guilt over denying her any contact with Riley, but her instability worried him too much to give in and allow them to be reunited.

Jack's life was busy and he worked hard to balance his professional life and his personal life, not always succeeding, but improving. After the confrontation with his mother he decided to meet with the woman who had given birth to him again. They met alone the first time over a lengthy lunch, talking and attempting to ease the tension between them. After their lunch, Jack invited her over to meet his family and while forging a mother and son relationship wasn't something either seemed all that interested in, they were becoming good friends, both seeming to fill a void the other had.

Sawyer and Claire fought more than they got along and Jack was growing weary of being caught in the middle. He liked Sawyer, had learned to accept him for what he was, but Claire was his sister and Aaron was his nephew and when Sawyer began dipping back into criminal activity they had a falling out, Jack strongly suggesting he either get his shit together once and for all or get out of all of their lives. Jack's stance with Sawyer became a source of contention between he and Kate the biggest fight of their relationship coming just a few weeks before their baby was due. Jack decided to come home in the middle of the day and surprise Kate, but was the one who got surprised when he found Sawyer in his living room massaging Kate's back.

Kate had been miserable the last few weeks, her lower back constantly hurting. Jack rubbing her back until she fell asleep had become a nightly routine, but hell would freeze over before he was going to allow it to become a routine with Sawyer. Jack went a little crazy and threw Sawyer out of the house and Kate didn't speak to him for three days afterward. They never came to any kind of agreement over the issue, Jack remained firm that he didn't want him around and Kate refused to dismiss him from her life so they ended up fighting any time his name was brought up.

It was late October, Julie was in school and Riley was changing daily. She was talking very well and begging to go to school too. Jack and Kate looked into a preschool for her, but they wouldn't enroll her until she was three years old so they had to wait until the following spring to let her start. The baby was due any time and Kate wasn't sure she'd last another day, her stomach so large she couldn't get out of a chair without assistance and her lower back so sore from carrying the extra load up front that the only relief she could get was when she'd curl up on her side and let Jack rub the soreness out. She'd tried allowing the jets in the Jacuzzi beat the soreness out of her, but found she couldn't get out of the tub by herself, Julie finally having to call Jack at the hospital to come home and lift her out.

They were lying in their bed, Kate wearing his sweats and his t-shirt, her large belly filling both out. Jack had fed the kids, bathed Riley and got her settled for the night. Jack usually ended up sleeping in Riley's room because she'd try to climb into their bed in the middle of the night and Kate was too miserable to have a toddler kicking her. Kate tired of his attention and pushed his hands away.

"I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help, but it's not helping tonight." Kate groaned.

"Can I do anything?" Jack asked.

"I read that having intercourse might put me into labor." Kate said.

"Kate, I'm not going to have sex with you just to put you into labor. That's not my idea of a good time." Jack argued.

"I haven't been your idea of a good time for quite awhile." Kate complained.

Jack ignored her crankiness. He knew she was miserable, the baby was in position and could come any day. According to her doctor he was a good-sized baby and the further down he dropped the more miserable Kate became. Jack had been watching her all evening, noticing that she'd gone to the bathroom six times in an hour and knew that she wasn't going to last more than another day or two if that. He wanted to help her relax, the nonstop pain in her lower back probably the early stages of labor.

"You haven't exactly been in the mood for intimacy and that's understandable so I've been trying to leave you alone." Jack said sweetly and kissed her neck from behind, his soft mouth and warm breath taking the edginess away.

"Who would want to be intimate with this? I'm a fat, swollen blob of uselessness. I can't even take care of Riley anymore." Kate complained.

"You're beautiful Kate. You probably don't feel beautiful, but you are." Jack said as he continued to kiss her neck.

He slipped his hand inside the t-shirt she was wearing, moving it gently over her swollen belly, the warmth and tenderness of his movements actually soothing to her. He slid his hand up and let it gently glide over her breasts, careful not to squeeze too hard, but just hard enough to soothe the tenderness in them. Kate began to relax into him, welcoming the gentle body massage he was giving her, feeling the warmth as she instantly grew moist for him.

It had been over three weeks since they'd had made love, neither having even attempted to initiate anything since the incident with Sawyer. The last few times they did make love she made him turn off all the lights and keep a sheet over them, too embarrassed by her body to allow him to see her naked. She'd even made Julie find her a robe to cover up with before she let her call Jack to rescue her from the Jacuzzi tub. Jack went along with whatever she wanted because he knew that pregnant women in their final trimester weren't rational creatures.

He continued to move his hands over her, surprised that she hadn't demanded he turn the lights off and get under the covers. He slid his hand down the back of the sweat pants she was wearing, enjoying the feel of her warm butt beneath his hand. He'd be the first to admit he'd missed undressing her and holding her naked body next to his, but he understood she felt self-conscious and didn't push the issue. He pulled the back of her sweats down taking the loose fitting maternity panties down with them, her bottom exposed to him for the first time in a long time, his response to it felt immediately against the front of his boxers. He brought his mouth down to her lower back and kissed his way down, landing soft kisses on her butt cheeks, enjoying the happy moan that was coming from her throat.

She rolled over onto her back and he sat up on his knees above her. She could see his semi-erect state and smiled at him, moving her hand to the front of his boxers and gently gliding her fingers over him, feeling him harden more with every little stroke. He helped her sit up and reached down to the bottom hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, ready to lift it off of her.

"Jack." She said softly.

"It's okay Kate. Trust me." He said and slowly pulled her shirt up and off.

She covered her breasts with her arms as he gently laid her back onto the bed. He carefully and patiently pulled her arms and hands away from her body, letting them rest flat on either side of her head. He looked down at her breasts and then her belly. He kissed her stomach and moved his fingers lightly over her nipples before bringing his mouth down to kiss her.

"I love you so much and you are always sexy to me." He said softly and kissed her deeply, continuing to caress her breasts, his erection hard and pressing against her, making her realize that the sight of her bloated body really wasn't a turn-off for him.

She let him continue to move his mouth over her, tensing up for a moment when she felt him pulling her pants and panties off of her, gliding his hands up and down the inside of her thighs as he positioned himself on his knees between her legs, bending them at the knees and convincing her to relax and just let them fall back. She did as he asked, exposing her center to him, her large belly extending like a wall between them. He started to bring his mouth down, to bring her pleasure in a way he was certain wouldn't cause her any pain, but she stopped him, looking at him with lust filled eyes.

"I need to feel you inside me." Kate pleaded.

"Kate, I don't think it's a good idea." Jack sighed wanting her as bad as she wanted him.

"Jack, the baby is coming any day now, what difference does it make?" Kate argued her arousal clouding her judgment.

"I don't want to hurt you." Jack resisted.

"You won't and if you do I promise I'll ask you to stop." Kate said.

Jack sighed heavily, knowing the worst that could happen at this stage is that it would hurt and might cause some bleeding and maybe even break the amniotic sac and put her into labor, but that she and the baby wouldn't be in any danger. He was having a hard time feeling excited about it though, worried that there was very little chance that she was going to find it pleasurable, but she was looking at him with those eyes and giving him that pretty little pout that left him defenseless so he removed his boxers and curled up beside her, gently helping her roll onto her side.

She could tell the anxiety of the situation had caused some deflation on his part and giggled at him.

"You do realize that laughing at my inability to get up and stay up for this could cause irreparable damage don't you?" Jack teased as she slowly rolled onto her other side so she could look at him.

"I'm laughing because you're so sweet. You aren't going to hurt me Jack, you could never hurt me. Lay back and relax." She said in a sexy tone as she worked his now soft cock in her hand.

She continued to whisper sexy, naughty things to him getting the result she wanted, but not fully. She finally began working him over with her mouth while he gently moved his hand over her bottom, slightly penetrating her with his fingers, his hand growing wetter as the fire he was creating in her grew hotter and hotter. The feeling of her wetness was all it took, the fear of hurting her gone from his mind, the need to make love to her growing strong as his full erection returned, making her smile and apply one final stroke of her tongue before sitting up and looking down at him.

"Do you want me to finish?" She asked.

"No, I'll finish this. Come lay down with me." He said in a soft, sexy, lustful tone

She lay down beside him, her back pressed against his chest. He lifted her leg and gently and slowly pushed himself inside of her about half way, afraid that full penetration would be too painful for her. He moved slowly in and out of her careful not to get carried away and thrust himself in too deeply. He moved his hand around to her front and gently massaged her, keeping himself propped up with his other arm, looking down at her face as she found release, her eyes closed tightly, head tilted back, pregnant belly and swollen breasts being pushed slightly upward with his gentle thrusts. He wished she could share the view and see for herself how beautiful a very pregnant woman caught in the thralls of ecstasy is.

He felt his own release building, but couldn't manage to get there, the anxiety of the pending birth and the fear of actually hurting her he guessed the reason it wasn't happening. Kate slowly came back down to earth and he stopped his thrusts, getting ready to pull away from her.

"Jack, I can't just leave you hanging." Kate told him.

"Yes, you can. I think I'm too tired to get over the hump. It happens." He said.

"It's never happened before. The sight of my body is keeping you from getting over the hump." She argued.

"That's ridiculous Kate." He argued back.

"So now I'm not only fat and ugly I'm ridiculous?" She shrieked.

"Kate, please, I understand you are miserable, but I promise you do not look like you feel." Jack said with just a hint of frustration.

"If I'm so beautiful why can't you come?" She huffed.

"Because I don't feel like it Kate, everything isn't about you. Jesus, I'm sorry I initiated this. That baby can't get here soon enough." Jack snapped finally losing his patience with her, feeling bad immediately.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He said.

"Yes you did and it's okay. I know I've been a real pain in the ass. I feel like I don't have any control over my emotions anymore." Kate said.

"You don't. I'm sorry I didn't come, but it had nothing to do with you and it's not a big deal. I wanted to make you feel better, relieve some of your tension and discomfort. Want to cuddle up next to me naked like we used to?" He asked with a sweet smile.

"No, I've got to go to the bathroom again, but thanks and for what it's worth, I do feel a little better." She said.

He slipped his boxers back on and handed her the t-shirt he'd tossed to the floor. She put it on and he helped her step into the panties he'd pulled off of her and then watched her waddle into the bathroom. When she came back she looked at the sweat pants and sighed.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I just don't feel like trying to bend over." Kate said and scooted herself onto the side of the bed.

"I'll help you put them on if you want." Jack offered.

"No, it's kind of warm, I'll just sleep in this t-shirt." Kate said.

They snuggled up together, her back pressed into him, but they didn't stay that way for very long. He'd lost count of the number of times she'd gotten up to go to the bathroom and was sitting up in bed with the light on when she came out the next time. He could see it in her face. She was in labor and probably had been for hours.

"Kate, why didn't you say something?" Jack asked.

"I wasn't sure, I mean it hurts and there is a lot of pressure, but I don't feel like I'm dying or anything so I thought that maybe I just had a stomach ache, but just now in the bathroom I pushed a little bit and it felt like something was coming out and the pain is getting really bad." Kate explained.

Jack swallowed hard and sat her down on the bed, ordering her not to move. He threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and grabbed the sweat pants she'd been wearing from the floor. He was just about to help her put them on when she clutched her stomach and rolled onto her side, panting hard against the pain. He took a quick peek half expecting to see his son's head emerging, but breathed a sigh of relief when that wasn't the case.

"I don't want to deliver this baby Kate so let's go while there is still time." Jack ordered, tossing the sweat pants on to the bed and picking her up.

He remembered Riley and set her back down. He entered Riley's bedroom, picked his sleeping daughter up, carried her down the hall and opened the door. He pulled the covers back and put Riley in bed with Julie. Julie looked up at him sleepily.

"Kate's having the baby, can you handle things here until I get back?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, we'll be fine." Julie said sleepily and closed her eyes making Jack chuckle.

He made his way back down the hallway to their bedroom and found Kate doubled over in the middle of another big contraction. Once she was through it he picked her up and carried her out to the car. He steered the car across the freeway with his left hand and held onto her hand with his right. She was squeezing his hand so tight he thought she'd broken every bone in it a couple of times.

"Hurry Jack, I think he's coming." Kate cried.

"We're almost there. No pushing." He ordered.

Jack stopped his car in front of the entrance to the emergency room, walked around to the passenger side, lifted Kate out and walked into the hospital. The nurses recognized him immediately and brought a wheel chair out for her.

"They're going to take you up Kate. I'm going to go park the car and I'll be right there." Jack told her.

"Okay, but if I were you I wouldn't spend a lot of time looking for a parking spot because I think he's about to be here." Kate panted through the pain trying to pull her legs together.

"Take her to an exam room and get someone to move my car. Page Dr. Jansen, let her know where we ended up. I've talked to her already and she's in the hospital some place." Jack ordered handing his car keys to the woman at the desk and following the ER nurse.

"Jack he's coming right now I can feel it tearing." Kate cried.

"Dr. Shephard where do you want to do this?" The nurse asked.

Jack looked around, spotted the empty gurney in the room three doors down, picked Kate up and carried her back to the room. He could feel his shirt and arm being soaked with amniotic fluid, her water finally breaking when he picked her up. He laid her on the gurney and the pain suddenly became unmanageable. She cried out, pulled her legs up and held her breath.

"Kate, it's going to be okay, try not to hold your breath." Jack coached as he tried to get her to straighten her legs back out.

"Oh god Jack it hurts so much, something is wrong." Kate cried.

"Everything is fine Kate, child birth without anesthetic is painful. Breathe Kate, you need to breathe, his heart rate drops every time you hold your breath." Jack continued to coach, perfectly calm, helping the nurse get a fetal monitor hooked to her.

"Here comes another one." Kate screamed and squeezed Jack's hand.

Another nurse entered the room and together they managed to get the t-shirt and panties off of Kate and get her into a hospital gown, while allowing Jack to remain on the expectant father side of the equation as much as possible. He would deliver the baby if he had to, but they knew he didn't want to, not because he was afraid, but because doctors prefer to separate their clinical life from their personal life.

"She's crowning Dr. Shephard and Dr. Jansen isn't answering her page." The nurse told him.

"Can you handle it?" Jack asked.

"Jack I'm scared, it hurts, it hurts so much, he's tearing me in half." Kate cried.

"I'm giving her a local anesthetic, but you're going to have to do the episiotomy Dr. Shephard." The nurse said, sticking the needle into the area around Kate's vagina.

"Ouch! What is that?" Kate asked.

"It's to numb everything down there so we can cut and make room for him to come out instead of letting you tear. Remember, we talked about this in those classes you dragged me to." He said smiling at her trying to get her to relax.

"I guess somebody just couldn't wait for the sun to come up huh?" Dr. Jansen's voice chimed in, the relief on Jack's face evident to everyone in the room.

"Cut that one kind of close Elizabeth." Jack commented.

"Me? A doctor of your caliber can't recognize that his wife is in labor in a reasonable amount of time?" She teased and began to assess the situation.

"That was my fault, I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure." Kate groaned as another contraction hit hard.

"That happens a lot with first babies so don't feel bad. I'm going to make a small incision Kate and when the next contraction hits I want you to push." Dr. Jansen told her.

Kate nodded and waited for the next contraction to hit. Jack held her up from behind while she pushed.

Four incisions and twelve pushes later a healthy 9 lb, 4 oz baby boy entered the world with a head full of light brown hair and a chubby little body. He cried immediately and didn't appear to have any intention of stopping for awhile. Dr. Jansen held him up so Kate could see him and asked Jack if he wanted to cut the cord. Jack took the scissors from her and cut where she directed, knowing full well where to cut, but enjoying just being the daddy in this particular procedure. The nurse cleaned the baby up a little, wrapped a blanket around him and handed him to Jack.

"That's a good looking boy Dr. Shephard." The nurse complimented.

"Thanks." Jack said consumed with emotion and unable to communicate anything more.

Jack put the baby in Kate's arms. She pushed the blanket away from his face so she could look at him.

"He's perfect." She said and kissed him gently.

"Does he have a name?" Dr. Jansen asked.

"He looks like a Jack Jr. don't you think?" Kate asked.

"No he looks more like his mother I think. What do you think, should we name him Kate Jr.?" Jack teased.

"I think whatever the two of you decide to name him will fine." Dr. Jansen agreed.

"Coward." Jack teased.

"I don't get in the middle of naming wars. Okay Kate, we need to let them take the baby up to the nursery while I put you back together and then we'll send you upstairs too." Dr. Jansen told her.

"Put me back together?" Kate asked.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. It'll take about 10 or 12 stitches and this is the part where most of my dads ask if I can put a couple extra stitches in for them." Dr. Jansen told her, the last part making both Kate and Jack laugh lightly.

"As long as she's down there Kate." Jack said in a suggestive teasing tone.

"Jack!" Kate protested.

He leaned in and kissed her gently.

"I love you." He said sweetly.

"Me too you." She replied in a breathy tone.

"Tired?" He asked.

"Excited, I feel like I could get up and run around screaming at the top of my lungs." She answered.

"It's 4:30 in the morning Kate, the other patients might not appreciate that." He said laughing lightly at how giddy she was.

"You should go upstairs with the baby." Kate told him.

"You don't want me to stay with you?" Jack asked.

"No, the fun and exciting part is over. Go and make sure the baby has all his fingers and toes and stuff." Kate insisted.

Jack kissed her one more time and left the room. He made his way up to the nursery and let himself in, monitoring every move they were making with his baby. They put him under the warming lights and Jack stood over him, watching him, his eyes closed tight, slowly working the pacifier in his mouth. He was a good sized baby, large chest and shoulders and chubby legs for a newborn. He decided he was the best looking baby in the nursery and then laughed at himself for actually comparing him to the other babies who were all of course just as precious as his son. He didn't know how long he'd been standing in the nursery watching the baby sleep when he heard the door open. He looked up to see Dr. Jansen approaching.

"You don't like him much huh?" Dr. Jansen teased.

"I always wondered what it would be like to experience this." Jack admitted with a smile.

"So, is it everything you dreamed it would be?" She asked.

"No, it's better than anything I ever imagined. How's Kate?" Jack asked.

"She's resting. We had a bit of a problem delivering the placenta so I gave her something for pain. It knocked her out." She answered.

"But she's okay." Jack said more of a statement than a question.

"We're monitoring the blood loss, keeping her legs up, she'll be fine, it's a common complication. You should go home Jack, get some sleep. She'll be out for awhile." She suggested.

"Elizabeth, I appreciate you not saying anything about the name thing." Jack said.

"It's not my place Jack, but why wouldn't you just tell her why you don't want to make him a junior?" She asked.

"No reason, I just prefer not to go there I guess." Jack said.

"It's about the same time of year isn't it?" She asked.

"Tomorrow." Jack answered.

"Well, good luck Jack. I'll stop by and check on all of you this afternoon." She said as she patted him on the shoulder and walked away.

Jack watched the baby sleep for a few more minutes and left. He checked on Kate, kissed her gently and left, hoping she'd catch up on some of the sleep she'd lost over the past few days. He got home just in time for both girls to wake up. He made them breakfast, drove Julie to school, made sure she had a ride home in case he got caught up at the hospital and spent the next few hours hoping that Riley would go down for a nap, so tired he felt sick.

They spent the evening at the hospital with Kate and the baby. Both were doing fine and would be released in a couple of days. The nurse came into the room to do her routine so Jack excused himself and walked out into the hallway with Riley sleeping soundly on his shoulder, finally taking the nap he'd been waiting for all day. He recognized the woman at the nursery window and wasn't sure whether to feel angry or sad. He approached her and spoke softly as soon as he was right beside her.

"Hey." He said.

"Jack, you scared me." The woman said.

"What are you doing here? I mean is there a baby in there not named Shephard that you're here to see because if not, do I need to be concerned?" He asked.

"Have I ever done anything to hurt you Jack?" The woman asked.

"No you haven't, but you are Sarah's mother and because of me you haven't been able to see your granddaughter so if I were you, I'd probably have a problem with me." Jack told her.

"You'd let me see her if I asked, I have no doubt about that. I love my daughter Jack, but I know she's created this mess. I begged her to try to make things work with you, to get counseling, but….well, that doesn't matter anymore. She's getting big." She said as moved her hand lightly over Riley's back.

"Why haven't you asked to see her, Riley, how come you never come around?" Jack asked.

"She must be a very confused little girl Jack. It wouldn't do her any good to be around people or places that are familiar to the life she had with Sarah. If she were at my house she'd be wandering from room to room looking for her mommy." She said sadly.

"I'm sorry. This isn't fair to you. Maybe we can work something out." Jack said.

"He's a beautiful baby. What's his name?" She asked.

"Braden Scott". Jack answered.

"That's a nice name." She sighed.

"I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?" Jack asked.

"She took off Jack." She said, her voice quivering.

"Who took off?" Jack asked.

"Sarah. I think she's losing it Jack. She's been watching you, watching Riley, watching your family. She followed you to the hospital, waited until you left and then stood outside this nursery window watching your son until I came and pulled her away." She told him wiping away the tear that had managed to find its way down her cheek.

"What am I supposed to do? Stop living because she has?" Jack snapped.

"No, of course not, I'm just worried about her Jack. She hasn't been home since I found her here and I don't know where to look for her. She's depressed. She needs help. When she takes her medication she is fine Jack, a good person and a good mother to Riley. She wanted to try to work things out with you before you left for Sydney, but you were so angry when she told you Riley was yours that she decided it could wait until you got back, until you weren't so distracted with the problems with your father. Of course you never came back and when she heard your plane went down she just gave up, stopped taking her medication, stopped going to therapy and that mother of yours played it for all she could." She explained through her tears.

Jack pulled the woman into his chest with his free arm and hugged her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to help Sarah. If I'd known how to help either one of us our marriage probably wouldn't have fallen apart, but it did and I'm over it. I'm happy and married to someone that doesn't want or need me to know all the answers, or to always be able to fix things. As much as Sarah used that against me, she needed that, expected it from me and when I couldn't fix us she tossed me to the side, didn't even try and the worst part was she wouldn't tell me why she didn't want to try." Jack said surprised by the amount of unresolved pain he still carried around with him over the situation.

"I know she hurt you Jack and you have right to hate her, but I'm so worried about her. What should I do?" She asked.

"I don't hate her, I hate what she's become. Look, I'm sure she just needs to be alone and will be back soon. If she doesn't show up in a couple of days call me and I'll see what I can do to help." Jack offered.

The woman hugged Jack one more time and he bent down so she could kiss Riley, strongly suggesting that she call him so they could make arrangements for her to spend some time with Riley. He spent a little more time with Kate before saying good night and taking the girls home. Riley was wide awake by the time they got home and Jack was so tired he was falling asleep sitting up. Julie was doing her homework when she looked up and saw Riley standing in the doorway to her bedroom.

"Hey cutie, where's your dad?" Julie asked.

"Daddy's sleeping." Riley said in a quiet voice.

Julie got up from her desk, picked Riley up and began searching for Jack. She found him in the family room, sitting on the couch sound asleep. Julie retrieved a pillow and a blanket from the linen closet, convinced him to lie down with very little prodding on her part and covered him with the blanket.

"Looks like it's you and me squirt and since tomorrow is Saturday I guess the homework can wait." Julie said and took the little girl back upstairs with her.

Jack woke up the next morning and sat up quickly. He looked around the room trying to get his bearings. He focused in on the clock across the room, it was almost 8 AM. His thoughts then turned to Riley and he bolted off the couch and ran upstairs to look for her. When he didn't find her in his room or her room he began to panic, but was calmed quickly when he stuck his head into Julie's room and could see Riley's little head barely peeking over the top of the covers beside Julie.

He walked back downstairs slowly, made coffee and took his time waking up. An hour later both girls were still sleeping. He walked back into Julie's room and gently shook her until she looked up at him.

"I have something I need to take care of, can you baby sit for a little while?" Jack asked.

"Sure." Julie yawned, turned over and went back to sleep.

He looked down at Riley still sleeping soundly and wondered why she would never sleep this late for him. He left the house and drove away in his car. He'd been deep in thought the entire drive and was a little startled when he realized he'd arrived at his intended destination and couldn't really remember how he'd gotten there. He turned the car toward the opened gates that led into the cemetery and followed the winding road deep into the rows of monuments before slowing and finally stopping. He looked through his windshield at her sitting quietly on the stone bench staring off into nothingness. He knew this is where she'd be, for all he knew she'd been here all night. He quietly exited his car and walked toward her. He stopped at the bench that had the name Shephard carved into it and she moved over to make room for him. He sat beside her and looked at the small monument in front of them.

_Jack Shephard Jr._

_Infant son of Jack and Sarah Shephard_

_October 29, 2002_

He stared at the cold stone reminder of what had been the final blow to their marriage, remembering their differing point of view on how the death of their unborn child should be handled, him wanting to avoid any emotional ties and donate the body to science and her demanding the small, not fully formed fetus be given a name and a proper burial. He was fully formed on the outside, just grotesquely small, but to her it was her baby, the baby she held and cried over until he finally managed to pry its stiff, cold, lifeless body from her arms, sick with grief himself, but trying to hold it together for her sake.

They'd planned on naming their son after him and he could admit he like the idea of having a small replica of himself running around sharing the same name so when their dreams came crashing down and she still wanted to give their dead son his name he went along with it, numb and a little dead himself, his baby gone and losing his wife a little more each day.

This was the first time he'd been to the grave since they buried him and there hadn't been a monument in place yet. He continued to stare at the piece of stone protruding from the ground, a gentle image of a lamb to the side of the name carved into it and he began to experience the loss all over again. The loss of his child, his wife and his desire to be a husband or a father and he could feel the tears welling up, the tragedy of the situation overwhelming him, knowing that it didn't have to be so damn tragic, the he could've tried harder and been more supportive. He put his arm around her and tugged gently until she laid her head on his shoulder and they sat together and cried over everything they had lost and when they were done they stood and he walked her to his car.

They drove to a restaurant where he bought her lunch and drinks and they had the first civil conversation they'd had in a long time. She looked tired, obviously sleep deprived and emotionally spent. He drove her home and walked her into her house. He checked on Riley and Julie and then Kate before agreeing to sit and talk with her awhile longer. He watched her carefully trying to determine if she was as confused and neurotic as her mother seemed to think. He had no doubt that Sarah was suffering from depression, but the severity of it was what he questioned and if she was bouncing back and forth, on medication one month and off the next it would explain her irrational behavior of late. She brought him a glass of wine and one for herself and sat beside him.

"Sarah, we've had quite a few drinks already, maybe we should cool it." Jack suggested.

She ignored him and took a sip of her wine.

"I saw your son Jack, he's beautiful." Sarah said.

"Thanks." Jack said.

"He looks just like Riley did, except her hair wasn't quite as dark or thick." Sarah said sadly.

"Sarah, I know you miss her, but you forced my hand. I don't understand what you expected me to do, I never understood what you expected me to do, ever." Jack blurted out, frustrated that they'd talked about everything but Riley and the reason why Sarah wouldn't fight to save their marriage.

"It was my fault." Sarah said softly.

"What was your fault?" Jack asked.

"The baby, it was my fault he died." Sarah said.

"Sarah, it wasn't anyone's fault." Jack told her.

"No, I did it. I was trying to hang the curtains in the nursery. You told me to leave it, that you'd do it, but you never had time so I decided to do it and I fell. I fell and I killed our son and if only you ever could've been around, could've done something as simple as hang some curtains things would've been different. How could I fight for our marriage Jack when I blamed you and you never being around as much as I blamed myself?" Sarah cried.

"Sarah, why didn't you tell me? God, why would you keep that to yourself all this time? There's no way to know whether or not a fall caused his death and even if it did, it was an accident and I would have gladly let you blame me every day if it would've helped you find a way to cope with it." Jack said.

"No you wouldn't, you shut down on me Jack, refused to even talk about another baby, refused to make love to me without a condom, you couldn't have handled knowing that I killed him." Sarah cried.

"I didn't shut down Sarah, I just wanted a break, time to heal, time to deal with the loss, but you just wanted to get right back on the horse, get busy Jack and get me pregnant again, you weren't being rational, and then it was just over. Do you have any idea how much that hurt Sarah? I knew we had issues, but to come home and find out you've been replaced in the bedroom, that your marriage means nothing anymore." Jack stressed his voice rising, the pain he was still carrying over the situation surfacing once again.

Sarah didn't respond, she just looked into his eyes and saw the hurt and betrayal in them, the pain that she had permanently etched into his heart. Jack had his faults, but he didn't deserve what she had put him through and although he didn't know it, she'd spent many a night crying herself to sleep over the pain she'd inflicted on him, the guilt consuming her, the look on his face the night she told him she'd been having an affair haunting her dreams. A part of her wanted him to hurt as much as she did, wanted him to feel as dead inside as she did and she guessed that betraying him and hurting him was her way of accomplishing that.

She put her hand on the side of his face and even though he sensed what was coming next he made no effort to stop it and when her mouth closed over his he froze for only a moment before opening his mouth and kissing her back, his mind lost in the emotion and the wine, his body responding to her just as it always had as he pushed her back onto the couch cushions, the love he tried to deny, tried to convince himself he no longer felt for her bubbling back up from the depths he'd repressed it to and just when he was about to give in to all of it, was ready to take her into the bedroom and make slow, sweet love to her, the cell phone in his pants pocket began vibrating.


	36. Chapter 36

_**I put that last chapter out and spent some time where all I had was my laptop and no internet access. I have to admit that when I got ready to post this next chapter and read your comments I smiled. Whatever I write, I write with the hope that it might actually entertain one or two people and maybe even draw them enough to stick with it. The shock, the anger and the all around upset attitude that I read in all those responses were so awesome. It's great that you are drawn in enough to actually care how this thing will or won't end so thanks, your rage was quite a compliment. As for what will happen, well relationships are tricky and love is messy so I guess we'll just have to see what happens…………….HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!**_

Jack had seen what was happening, he saw the look in her eyes, the look he hadn't seen in so long it caught him off guard and the part of him that longed to understand why she stopped looking at him like that, why she stopped loving him and how she could walk away so easily surrendered to it. When she brought her mouth to his she swallowed his body and his soul. In that moment his heart gave in to what it never managed to stop aching for even though it now belonged to another. His mind was gone, lost in the emotion, his hands moving over her body slowly moving clothes out of his way. He could feel the phone vibrating in his pocket, considered stopping to answer it, but his hunger for her, for what he'd lost, his desire to have it back just one more time made him choose to ignore the phone and let it go to voice mail.

He tried to encourage her to get up, to let him take her to the bedroom, but she refused, looking at him with the desire she used to have for him as she slowly unbuttoned his shirt. He continued on, his mind focused only on her, no guilt over the family he had in a hospital across town, the woman and the baby that trusted him, that were counting on him to always do the right thing, pushed into the back of his mind so that he could focus on what he wanted here and now, willing to face the consequences later.

Everyone always expected Jack to do the right thing, depended on it and he usually complied. The woman lying underneath him who had betrayed him, tricked him, used him and manipulated him counted on the fact that Jack Shephard would always do the right thing and knew that no matter how angry he seemed or how much he tried to pretend he hated her, he'd always be the first one there when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He knew that and he knew he'd always comply because no matter how hard he tried to deny it, his feelings for her ran deep, too deep to ever turn his back on her completely.

Right now this was about him though and what he wanted and needed and making love to her would be so far from the right thing to do that thinking about it almost made him let go of a sick chuckle, instead he opted to deepen the kiss and continue on.

He slowly undressed her, removing her blouse and her bra, seeing, touching and eventually sucking on her breasts again. It had been so long since he'd smelled her, the smell of her hair, her perfume, her sex. His arousal was out of control, he wanted her and he wanted her now. He'd be slow, take his time and enjoy it and hopefully she too would enjoy it and he would leave her wanting more, craving him just as he'd craved her so many lonely nights. He'd leave her heart wide open and pining for his love and leave her body aching for his touch. This might be the only chance he'd ever have to pour everything he has into her body and leave her with a complete understanding of the love he felt for her, of what she threw away and of what she could have one more time, but could never have back.

He unbuttoned her slacks and pulled them along with her panties away from her. He wanted to taste her, to bring an orgasm out of her with his mouth, but his own need was screaming against the confines of his slacks, begging to get to out, wanting to find the opening that would allow him to slip inside and feel her wrapped around him once again. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, reaching into the opening he'd created and freed himself. She opened wider for him and he watched her eyes close as she let go of a moan at the feeling of him inside of her. His throbbing cock buried deep inside, not moving, just filling her completely, so tight, tighter than he remembered and when he began moving in and out of her the moans coming from both of them were thick with longing, relief and a touch of sadness at what they'd managed to neglect and abuse so badly it had become irreparable.

They continued to move together in a slow, steady rhythm, kissing and holding one another, his strokes long and purposeful. Feeling her start to clench around him he pulled out of the kiss so he could watch her face while she came and it was just as he'd remembered and watching it brought his own release out of him, filling her empty womb with his seed as he had for so long, creating life three different times with her, life created out of love, his little girl so beautiful in his eyes because the two people who created her did love each other intensely and genuinely for a long time and now because of the ugliness and the stupidity following a tragedy, a tragedy one of them hadn't managed to come out of unscathed, his little girl was being denied the opportunity to know and love her mother as much as he had and to a point still does.

He stayed inside of her, enjoying the feeling of her walls wrapped around him as he softened, looking into her eyes and seeing that underneath all her games and her cruelty she did still care for him, but most of all he could see how empty and alone she was and even though he wanted to smack himself for feeling it, he felt sorrow for her loneliness and wanted to do whatever he could to help her get well and become the woman he used to know again.

He let his head drop to the space between her head and shoulder and hugged her, taking in her scent one last time. He could hear her softly calling his name and could feel the vibration on his leg again and the horror of what he'd just done set in completely and just as he was about to pull out of her and get as far away from the awful thing he'd just done his eyes opened and he sat up straight, breathing hard, his heart racing. He looked around confused noticing the blanket over him and Sarah standing in front of him calling his name.

"Jack, are you okay?" Sarah said.

Jack looked at her. She was fully clothed. He looked under the blanket and he too was fully clothed as well as grateful that the blanket was covering the erection he had. It was a dream, an extremely vivid dream, but none the less a dream and he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I guess I fell asleep huh?" Jack said feeling a little embarrassed, hoping Sarah wouldn't realize he'd been snoozing on her couch having a dream about committing the mother of all fuck ups.

"Yeah, we were talking and I went to get us something to drink and when I got back you were out cold." Sarah explained.

"You should've made me get up." He said.

"I tried to wake you and when I couldn't I just threw a blanket over you and let you sleep. I assumed you had to be pretty tired if you fell asleep that quickly. Your phone has been ringing pretty much nonstop for the last 15 minutes so I decided I better wake you up. I can't believe you could sleep through it." Sarah told him.

"I guess I'm overtired, it's been a tiring few days.

He looked at his cell phone, the calls were from Julie. He looked at his watch and realized she'd been watching Riley for him all day and was probably wondering if he'd fallen off the face of the earth. He called her back immediately.

"Julie, is everything okay?" Jack asked.

"Where are you Jack? Riley is whining for you and you promised I could go to Nicole's Halloween party." Julie grumbled.

"I'm sorry, I lost track of time. I'm on my way home. Get your stuff together and I'll take you to Nicole's as soon as I get there." Jack said.

Jack shoved the phone back into his pocket. The obvious indicator of his erotic dream was now gone so he moved the blanket and stood. Sarah reached out to straighten his collar and he jumped away from her as if her touch had burned like acid.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so jumpy?" Sarah asked.

"Nothing, I'm just not awake yet. Are you okay now, done sitting in cemeteries for awhile?" Jack asked.

"I appreciate today Jack, God knows I don't deserve your concern." Sarah said.

"Was it real Sarah?" Jack asked.

"Was what real?" She replied.

"Today, the emotions, the civil conversation, the behaving like two people who used to love each other. Was it real or just another one of your games?" Jack asked.

"It wasn't a game and we aren't two people who used to love each other, we're two people who still love each other." Sarah stated taking him back, making him wonder if she knew what he'd been dreaming about.

"Maybe we do or maybe the emotion of the day and the wine we had for lunch just makes it seem that way today. I need to go Sarah. The woman that I'm sure I love is probably wondering why she hasn't seen or heard from me today." Jack said.

"And what will you tell her Jack?" Sarah asked.

"The truth I guess." Jack said and turned away from her.

Jack left Sarah's house feeling as if he'd done something wrong when in reality he hadn't. He couldn't control what he dreamed about and he wasn't feeling guilty about the dream as much as the why. Why would he dream something like that and should he be concerned about it? Should he tell Kate about the dream?

"Yeah Jack that'd be real smart." Jack mumbled to himself.

Jack spent the rest of the drive home replaying the dream in his head, beating himself up for dreaming about fucking his ex-wife less than two days after his current wife gave birth to his son. He wasn't sure what to make of it, he only knew that the dream had been so real it had shaken him to the core. When he arrived at the hospital he told Kate about his day, about the baby buried in the cemetery and the lunch he'd had with Sarah. He admitted to falling asleep on her couch and the guilt he was feeling over his dream was only made worse by Kate's complete acceptance of his story as a harmless day with his ex-wife. Did he really deserve the trust she had in him? Would she be so accepting and sympathetic to the emotional duress he'd been under that day if she knew how eagerly and hungrily he'd made love to Sarah in his dream?

Jack shook it off, deciding that telling Kate about the dream would be counter-productive, that no woman should be expected to hear something like that and not be upset over it. He brought Kate and the baby home the next day and they spent the next few weeks adjusting to having an infant in the house, an infant that got them up three times during the night to eat. Kate wasn't breast feeding and that allowed Jack to take the feeding shift that usually came around 5 AM. He'd feed Braden and rock him until he went back to sleep and then shower and dress for work. That allowed Kate to sleep from 2 AM until Riley woke her up, which was usually between seven and eight o'clock so nobody in the house was becoming sleep deprived.

Braden was now five weeks old and Kate was starting to feel like her old self again. She never gained any extra weight during the pregnancy and the swelling and bloating was close to being gone. Her milk had come in and she went through the painful procedure of getting it to dry up and her breasts were back to their normal size. Her stitches had healed within the first couple of weeks and the bleeding had stopped about a week ago. She felt fine and had been hinting to Jack the last three nights that she felt fine, but he either wasn't interested or wasn't getting the point because he seemed to content to kiss her goodnight, roll over and go to sleep.

Kate planned their evening all day. Riley and Braden would both go down between 8:30 and 9:00 PM and Julie would be out with her friends until midnight, which was typically when Braden woke up to be fed. That gave them three hours to get reacquainted sexually and she planned on using as much of that time as both of them could stand. Jack arrived home around 6:30 PM and played with Riley until dinner time. Julie came bouncing to the dinner table proclaiming she was starved, dressed in a manner Jack deemed inappropriate and the battle was on.

"Julie, you aren't going out dressed like that." Jack said and took a bite of his food.

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?" She asked as she leaned over the table to grab the casserole dish causing Jack to look away.

"Your pants are cut so low I can see right down the front of them when you lean over, your stomach is exposed and if you raise your arms too quick your breasts will flop out. Are you trying to look like a slut?" Jack asked.

"You're so old Jack, god, all the girls dress this way." Julie complained and leaned over the table again.

"Hell will freeze over before the girls that live under my roof go out in public dressed that way and would you stop flashing me for god's sake." Jack stated his voice calm, but in the tone that suggested the topic wasn't up for debate.

"Kate would you please tell him he's being unreasonable." Julie begged.

"Jack, it's really not so bad." Kate offered.

"Kate, she's 17 years old and she's got her body on display. Jesus, look at her, you really think some horny 17 or 18 year old guy isn't going to try to answer an ad that looks like that?" Jack argued.

Kate looked her over. Her outfit didn't leave much to the imagination and he was right about being able to see down the front of her pants, the black thong she was wearing covering what would've been on display.

"Okay, let's compromise. Julie, put on a bra and a shirt that comes down to your waistband." Kate told her.

"Kate! That's not fair. You always take his side!" Julie whined.

"Jack, if she changes her shirt will you settle down?" Kate asked.

Jack looked Julie over, imagining the jeans with a less revealing shirt and sighed heavily.

"I guess." He agreed.

"No, I don't want to change my shirt! I bought this outfit specifically for this party tonight and you're ruining everything!" Julie protested and plopped down into her chair.

"Change your shirt or stay home." Jack said calmly and took another bite of his dinner.

"Are you ever going to stop treating me like a baby?" Julie huffed and stood to leave the table.

"Finish your dinner." Jack ordered.

"I'm not hungry." Julie lied.

"You were starving five minutes ago and you put all that food on your plate so sit your ass down and eat and stop acting like a brat." Jack said raising his voice enough to let her know he was losing his patience with her.

Kate could see that Julie was in button pushing mode and she never understood why she did it because she always ended up on the losing end of the battle of wills she like to have with Jack. Kate knew if she kept it up he was going to end up making her stay home for the night, which would put a damper on the plans she had for Jack.

"Julie please don't do this tonight. We're letting you go to this party, we let you go out and buy new clothes to wear to this party, we're letting your friends pick you up and bring you home and you want to screw up your entire evening because we don't want you going out looking like slut?" Kate pushed.

"Maybe not being able to wear my new outfit already ruined my entire evening." Julie mumbled.

"Oh please, that's ridiculous, and you know what's going to happen if you keep it up. Keep mouthing off and keep being hateful and he's going to end up sending you to your room for the night and then I get to be caught in the middle of your battle again, well guess what, not tonight baby sister because I'm on his side on this issue so either shut up about it and eat your dinner and go have fun at your party or go ahead and excuse yourself and spend the night in your room!" Kate snapped making Riley look at her strangely and Jack instantly cover his mouth to hide the grin that was forming.

Julie looked at Kate a little shocked and then back at Jack who shrugged and gave her the "it's all on you kid" look.

"Fine. It's a little chilly tonight anyway so a different shirt will probably be better." Julie sighed.

They finished their dinner in peace. Julie left around 8 PM and Jack helped Kate get the two kids ready for bed. He bathed Riley and read to her until she fell asleep. He found Kate in the nursery with Braden, rocking him slowly, patting his back. He walked toward them, leaned in and kissed the baby on the head before kissing her gently.

"You look tired, you want me to finish putting him to sleep?" Jack asked.

"No, I'm fine, go get your shower and by the time you get done he'll be out and we can watch a movie or something." Kate said.

Jack kissed her one more time, rubbed his hand gently over the baby's back and left the room. He entered the master bedroom, entered the bathroom, turned the water to the shower on and began stripping his clothes off. He stepped into the shower and let the water pour over his head, the steam and the heat beating the stress from the day out of him, relaxing him and making him feel a little sleepy. He lathered himself up, noticing his semi-erect state and considered jerking himself off. It had been five weeks since he'd had sex, other than in his dreams, but he'd managed to take matters into his own hands, so to speak, a couple of times a week. He found that he didn't mind the sexual abstinence because it kept him from having to think about Sarah and the dream and if any of that would creep into his memory when does finally make love to Kate again.

He stepped out of the shower, dried himself, wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into the bedroom. Kate was sitting on the bed waiting for him. He looked around the room at the candles burning everywhere, the dim light and noticed the music softly playing from the portable music player sitting in the speaker dock in the corner. The aroma from the candles was a relaxing lilac or lavender and he didn't need to be hit over the head with the hammer to understand what all of it was for, Kate was ready to have sex again and what man in his right mind would say no to such a lovely creature.

He looked at her and walked toward her, pulling her up off the bed and into him, their faces just inches apart. He kissed her mouth gently and looked into her eyes, the desire burning in them all for him and he realized if spontaneous combustion were possible he'd be a pile of ashes right now.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? We're supposed to wait six weeks." He said.

"I'm fine and I can't go another week Jack. I want you so bad it's all I've thought about all day." Kate admitted.

Jack smiled at her, hiding his guilt. He hadn't thought once about making love to her and certainly hadn't spent an entire day dwelling on it. He'd been avoiding the topic with so much fervor that it hadn't occurred to him to actually consider what it would be like to be with her again, that thinking about it might be arousing to him, that his anxiety over a stupid dream was just that and would have no affect on his ability to love her with all the passion he always had. Kate could tell he was distracted.

"What's wrong Jack?" She asked.

"Nothing, I guess I'm just a little nervous about it maybe not being comfortable for you yet." He lied.

"Jack, I'm fine. Everything is healed. You're a doctor, would you like to verify that everything has healed?" Kate teased.

"No, I never want that part of you to become clinical to me. I'll take your word for it." He said and kissed her again.

Kate returned his kiss, wrapping her arms around him and working at his towel until it dropped to the floor. She walked him backward until the back of his legs hit the chair in the corner. She pushed him down into the chair, still kissing him, slowly allowing her self to drop to her knees between his legs. She began moving her mouth over his chest and stomach while her hand moved softly over his now erect penis. It felt so good and she felt herself become wet instantly. She assumed he'd be somewhat weakened, the lack of sex leaving him vulnerable and needy to anything she might want to do to him so she immediately took as much of him into her mouth as she could and slowly and sensuously moved her hot, wet tongue over his cock. She could feel it swelling and throbbing in her mouth and she knew that just a few gentle flicks of her tongue on the highly sensitive head would make him squirm and groan and he didn't disappoint her.

She could feel his hand gently clutching the hair on the back of her head and knew she could get him to cum if she wanted to. He was too helpless to control anything and she liked rendering him helpless once in awhile. It was a turn-on for her to be in control so she took his cock in and out of her mouth slowly and deeply, making sure her lips and tongue swathed the shaft with warmth and wetness while applying a soft, gentle tongue directly to his now swollen, purple head that was ready and needing to erupt. She held onto his cock and moved her hand slowly up and down and moved her tongue slowly over the head. Beads of sweat were forming on his forehead as sounds of agony and ecstasy escaped his throat, his thighs twitching at certain points, trying to pull away from her and her holding firm, never missing a beat.

She continued to work him over, the intense pleasure of it almost paralyzing him. His mind was so absorbed in what was happening to him he wasn't aware of anything else. His eyes were closed tight, his breathing had become somewhat labored and she could feel a slight shaking in his arms, legs and even his stomach. She stopped for a moment and looked up at him before continuing on, realizing she had taken him to a place that he takes her to quite often, but one that she has to work hard to get him to and she didn't want to lose the moment. She continued to give him all the attention her hands and mouth could, softly and gently so he didn't feel as though he were being gobbled up. He wasn't quite sure what he was feeling, only that it felt so good he couldn't move and wouldn't move if he could. He wasn't holding his orgasm back and he wasn't working to bring it on. He was allowing her to bring it out of him and when she did he had to make a conscious effort not to scream, the need to do so making him pant and hold tightly to the arm of the chair with one hand while the other hand clutched tightly to her.

Once she was sure he was finished she crawled forward, up over his stomach and chest and kissed him longingly on the mouth, pulling back and smiling at him.

"You were quivering." She said.

"Let's keep that between us." He said softly, his brain obviously still swimming and trying to clear itself up.

She laughed lightly and kissed him some more before allowing herself to rest her head on his chest.

"That was incredible. Thank you." He said, his voice still soft.

"I've missed you. You're all I've been able to think about for weeks. I loved having your baby Jack, but having to go without you for so long was definitely the downside of the whole experience." She said.

Her words hung heavy in the air, the dream coming back to him, taking him out of the moment, the beautiful moment following what had to be the most incredible fellatio any woman had ever performed. Why wasn't she all he'd been able to think about for weeks? He could remember a time when Kate was all he could think about, when making love to her clouded every one of his thoughts, yet the last five weeks he'd run in every direction possible to avoid thinking about it. Was it out of guilt or because he was still in love with Sarah.

Kate saw him go distant on her again and became concerned.

"Jack, what is going on with you?" Kate asked.

"Nothing." He lied.

"Bullshit. We've got three hours to do nothing but make up for lost time and you can't seem to stay focused long enough to enjoy it. What is bothering you? You've been moody and quiet and distant since we brought Braden home and I want to know what the hell is going on!" Kate yelled.

"Kate, it's okay, don't get upset. I've just had a lot on my mind, but I'm fine I swear. I want to make up for lost time. I've missed you so much. Please, I don't want to fight, I want to make love to you." He pleaded and then pulled her up to face him, kissing her with a wet, hungry mouth, the need and desire for her there just as it always had been and the longer he kissed her the more his mind focused on nothing but her, how much he loved her and how he never wanted to let her go.

He picked her up and carried her over to the bed and then he took his time undressing her, making sure he kissed, nibbled and bit and every newly exposed area of flesh her breasts garnering a lot of his attention, his hot wet tongue gently swirling and sucking her nipples driving her crazy, making her hold his head in place so that he would continue to suck.

"Oh God Jack, you have no idea how good that feels, don't ever stop." She pleaded feeling him smile against her breast at the absurdity of the plea.

He had her stripped completely naked, gliding his hands over every inch of her, her flesh on fire everywhere he touched her and her body squirming underneath him, longing for more, needing everything he had to offer tonight. He positioned himself between her legs and she opened them wider for him, gliding her fingers over her wet, dripping center and holding them up for him. He moved in closer and slowly licked each finger clean, one at a time, leaving them hot and moist with his saliva before directing her hand back down, placing it gently over her clit.

"Show me." He breathed in a hot, heavy tone.

She slowly pulled her lips back, exposing her swollen, sensitive clit to him. He licked his index finger and moved it gently back and forth over her clit, feeling it swell just a little more, watching her squirm and then let go. He stopped touching her and she looked him with questioning eyes. He took her fingers and gently pushed them through here slick crease before bringing them back to his mouth and licking them clean again. He placed her hand back where it was before and nodded. She pulled her lips back for him again and he brought his tongue down, moving the tip of it over her excited clit, making her squeal and let go again. He moved in closer and began moving his entire mouth over her hot, moist excited crotch. He inserted his finger and began moving it in and out slowly while he sucked gently on her clit, rolling his tongue over it, her hips bucking up against him, slowly driving her crazy with his slow, hot routine, her orgasm steadily building. She gripped two handfuls of the sheets and let him bring it out of her. It felt like gallons of warm, electric juices had to be pouring out of her, so intense she thought she might black out, toes clenched and digging into the mattress, legs so tight she could feel a cramp developing, the need to scream so bad she finally pulled a pillow over her face and let go.

He continued on until she relaxed and then moved his mouth over her inner thighs and over the exposed portion of her belly. He steadied himself on his knees and moved over her again, focusing on her upper body. She pulled him close and kissed and nibbled at his chest, bringing her mouth up and swirling her tongue over his nipples, sucking them hard into her mouth and nibbling lightly on them with her teeth.

She moved her hand down between them, taking him into her hand, forcing him to sit up on his knees in between her legs. He was hard again and she paused for a moment to admire his erection. He wasn't grossly oversized, but definitely blessed with a size and thickness that made her a little apprehensive the first time they made love, but most importantly he knew how to use what he was blessed with. When he was inside of her, he made her feel full and connected to him in ways she'd never experienced with any other man. She placed one hand gently on the throbbing appendage and ran the fingernails on her other hand lightly over his swollen balls, making him take a deep breath, beads of sweat forming on his brow.

She guided him down to her opening and he pushed about 2-inches of himself into her and then pulled back out, moving the head over her slippery slit and clit, trying to move away until she grabbed his shoulders and tried to push herself onto him. He pushed her back down and smiled at her.

"Not yet." He said.

"Why?" She panted.

"We've really got to be smarter about birth control." He laughed and reached into drawer of the nightstand.

"Are you sure it's not so old it won't plug the dam?" She laughed.

"There are no guarantees I guess. Want to stop?" He asked.

"No, I'll take my chances." She gasped making him laugh.

She grabbed the foil package from him and studied it.

"I thought you were willing to take your chances." He said.

"Yeah, well I changed my mind. It's good for another three years." Kate said and handed it back to him.

Jack opened the package and she helped him put the contents of the package on. She pushed him back into position to enter her and he pushed himself in some, giving her time to adjust to him, making sure she was healed enough to take him. He pushed in a little more waiting for a positive or negative response. With both hands on his butt she nudged him forward and he took the hint and pushed himself all the way in, her hands clutching tightly to the cheeks of his ass. He pushed her legs back as far as he could without hurting her and drove himself in deeper, making her take a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm great." She said with a breathy moan.

He began moving in and out of her and she held tightly to his butt adding an extra push to his rhythm, not allowing him to back out enough to get the deep thrusts he liked in order to stay in control of the situation. She was looking into his eyes begging him to go harder and faster and once he was going at her at a furious pace she let go of his butt. His hands gripped tightly to the sheets on either side of her and with arms and muscles fully flexed he moved in out of her, breathing hard, meeting her demands by slamming harder and harder into her until she clutched his shoulders and screamed, hips jerking and thrusting back into his. He held his position inside of her and came every bit as hard as she did, grabbing hold of her hips, trying to hold them still and firmly connected to him.

He moved his mouth to her breasts and gently kissed and moved his tongue over her nipples while they both finished coming and began to settle back down. She relaxed back into the mattress and he stayed inside of her and continued to move his mouth over her breasts, neck and eventually locked his mouth over hers and continued to kiss her passionately while pulling her forward.

She wrapped her legs around him and let him roll them over so she was sitting on top of him. She looked down at him and smiled. He was still semi-hard, ticking, waiting just long enough to recharge so he could go again. She loved that she could keep him that turned on, that she could make him come twice and leave him needing more. She moved off of him so he could dispose of the remnants of round one. He came back to bed and they snuggled up, holding each other, their bodies hot to the touch. He kissed her and tasted her and moved his hands over her, unable to get enough, never tiring of the way she felt in his arms and once again they were connected, and he began to move within her, this time with less urgency and more passion. He felt like he could stay inside her forever, taking his time, letting her feel every inch of him as he moved forward and then back, her moans making him harder, making him want to keep going until she begged him to stop and as he continued with focused, loving movements he thought briefly of the dream and decided that maybe it didn't matter if he still loved Sarah because he loved Kate more and probably always would.


	37. Chapter 37

They lay together in the middle of the bed cuddling and talking, the baby monitor close by waiting for Braden to begin stirring. It was about 11:30 PM, they'd made love three times and both were pleasantly exhausted.

"I should get up and put something on." Kate said.

"No, I think you should stay here with me. It's been too long since I've had you naked and wrapped up in my arms. I think there should be a new rule that states you aren't allowed to be in bed with me unless you are naked." He teased.

"I get up too much during the night to follow that rule. Besides, you aren't naked so it's not as much fun." She argued.

"The last condom run begged for me to put some pants back on. Are we planning on a more spontaneous less bothersome form of birth control?" He asked.

"Aw poor baby has to deal with the mess for a change." Kate laughed at him.

"It's not the disposal process that's so bothersome, it's the having to get up and leave you when I'd rather just keep going. I love to gobble you up for hours on end." Jack explained.

"Well, you could always get a vasectomy." Kate suggested.

"You don't want any more kids?" He asked.

"I was teasing you Jack, I didn't think you'd actually consider it." Kate laughed.

"I would, but I'd rather not consider it right now." He said.

"I'm going to get back on the pill when I go in for my check up because I too love it when you gobble me up for hours on end." Kate told him and kissed him.

They began kissing again and she finally pulled back, too tired to go another round with him.

"So are you ever going to tell me what's been weighing so heavy on your mind the last few weeks?" Kate asked noticing that he tensed up briefly before relaxing again.

"It's not important Kate, I thought it might be, but I realized tonight that its not." Jack said and kissed her softly.

Kate started to argue just as Braden's light whimpers started coming through the baby monitor.

"I'll get him." Jack said and climbed out of bed.

He walked out of the bedroom and into the nursery. He picked the squirming, fussing infant up before he had a chance to let loose and wake Riley. He held the baby under the arms, supporting his neck and head with his hands and brought the sleepy baby toward him. He kissed him on the cheek and cuddled him into his chest.

"Shh, daddy's got you." Jack said softly as he reached for a clean diaper and the baby wipes.

He carried the baby into his bedroom. Kate was walking from the bathroom toward the bed dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt.

"Do you want the bottle or the butt?" Jack asked making her laugh lightly.

"You go warm up the bottle and I'll change his diaper since he seems to like to pee all over you when you do it." Kate said and took the baby and the diaper and the wipes from him.

Jack made his way downstairs to the kitchen where Kate had bottles lined up in the refrigerator. He grabbed one, warmed it in the microwave and hurried back up the stairs knowing that he only a very small window of time before the baby began wailing, which would wake Riley up and would make for a long night if that happened. Riley was naturally a little jealous and they made the mistake of allowing the baby to wake her up at 2 AM just one time. Riley didn't understand why she couldn't eat too so Jack ended up half asleep in the kitchen feeding Riley a snack, which left her wide awake and kicking and squirming in-between him and Kate for the rest of the night. They decided after that to do everything they could to get to the baby before he got loud enough to wake Riley. He walked into the bedroom, Kate was walking back and forth keeping him satisfied with a pacifier. He handed her the bottle and watched the baby go after it eagerly. She sat down on the bed with him and Jack sat beside them.

"Easy bud, you're going to choke yourself." Jack laughed and rubbed his finger gently over the baby's cheek.

"He's a little pig." Kate said.

"Maybe we need to give him more milk at each feeding, see if he'll be more satisfied and sleep longer in-between." Jack suggested.

"You're the doctor." Kate said.

"No, I'm the daddy who would like to see mommy sleep more during the night." He said and kissed her.

"It's the days that are the most tiring, between Riley all of the sudden forgetting how to ask to use the potty and needing to be in my lap any time Braden isn't and him demanding to eat about every 3 hours and my need to hold him as much as possible without neglecting Riley and trying to keep up with the house in-between, I'm pretty worn out by the end of the day. I've just about got them both to where they go down for a nap around 1:30 and sleep until about 4 o'clock though so that's a nice break. Of course that pisses Julie off because then I can't come pick her up from school and she has to ride the bus or catch a ride." Kate rambled on getting some much needed stress off her chest.

"Riley's bathroom accidents are just part of the adjustment to the new baby. Hopefully that will stop pretty soon. Maybe it's time Julie learned to drive." Jack said.

"No problem, I'll add her driving lessons to my list of daily chores." Kate grumbled.

"I'll teach her. I can take her out in the evenings and on my days off and then she can help you out with errands and getting herself to and from school." Jack offered.

"I can't let her leave me here with two small children and no car." Kate said.

"We'll get her a car. That'd be a cool Christmas present." Jack said.

"That would be too much of a Christmas Jack." Kate argued.

"Okay fine, we'll just get a third car and let her drive it." Jack said.

"Our kids are going to be so spoiled." Kate teased.

"Of course they are. They're going to know every single day how loved and wanted they are, but right now I think this one is about to explode." Jack chuckled.

Kate pried the bottle out of the baby's mouth which made him fuss at her. She put him on her shoulder and patted his back until he burped like a man, making both Jack and Kate laugh. She handed the baby and the bottle to Jack who cradled him in his arms and put the bottle in his mouth.

Kate sat back and watched, remembering the day she woke up in the hatch and found Aaron sleeping on Jack's chest and how the sight of it had made her heart melt, never imagining she'd be watching him cradle and feed their son months later. She smiled and kissed Braden's balled up little fist and then kissed Jack gently.

"You look tired. You should lie down and go to sleep." Jack said.

"I can't sleep, Julie's not home yet." Kate said.

"She's got 10 minutes and is usually good about not pushing it so go ahead and lie down, I'll wait up for her." Jack offered.

"You do remember you agreed to baby sit tomorrow while Claire, Julie and I go shopping don't you?" Kate asked.

"Yes." Jack said.

"Then don't you think you should be the one getting some rest?" Kate laughed.

"I'm fine." Jack insisted.

"So am I." Kate said.

Jack finished feeding the baby. He got him to burp one more time and then he and Kate stretched out on their sides on the bed and put the baby in-between them. He was wide awake, kicking his feet and looking around, his dark eyes wide and curious.

"He's going to have your eyes." Jack said.

"Maybe, it's hard to tell. He's so cute and sweet, I could sit and hold him all day long." Kate said.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Christmas is going to be great." Jack said.

"Yeah, why's that?" Kate asked.

"Because I have a family to share it with. I finally get to be one of those dads up all night on Christmas Eve putting toys together." Jack said.

"Do you like a live tree or a fake one?" Kate asked.

"I never really thought about it. When I was a kid we always had these fancy trees that somebody came in and put together for the house and when I lived alone I never bothered with it and while I was with Sarah she took care of that stuff." Jack answered.

"So you've never decorated a Christmas tree Jack?" Kate asked incredulously.

"No, I guess I haven't." Jack said with a light chuckle.

"Jack that's just sad and when you see how much fun we're going to have putting one up you will never want to miss out on it again." Kate told him.

Jack leaned in and kissed her, the baby still kicking between them. The sound of the doorbell broke the moment, startling both of them. Jack picked up the baby and headed downstairs with Kate right behind him. He reached the front door and looked through the window that was cut into the door. They'd left the porch light on for Julie and Jack could see the police officer standing in the light. He opened the door, the panic he immediately felt causing an adrenaline rush. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Julie standing beside the cop, concern and little bit of anger starting to replace the feeling of relief.

"Good evening sir, does this young lady belong to you?" The police officer asked.

"Yes she does, is everything okay?" Jack asked as Kate came around to the front of him and took the baby from him.

"Sir, your daughter has been drinking." The cop said.

"He's not my father!" Julie snapped seeing the look on Jack's face as he noticed she was wearing the clothes he and Kate specifically forbid she wear.

"Shut it." Jack ordered in a calm no nonsense tone.

"I'm sorry, I thought I would find her parents here." The cop said.

"She's my sister and we are her guardians." Kate told him.

"Oh, okay then. She was at frat party. There was a lot of underage drinking going on and a couple of young girls finding themselves in a situation they found uncomfortable. We broke up the party and called some of the parents. The kids who lived within our patrol area we put into our cars and delivered personally. It's too much paperwork to arrest all of them, but we will have her name now and if we catch her again she'll be arrested and charged." The cop explained.

"Thank you for bringing her home." Jack said as he took her by the hand and encouraged her to step into the house.

Jack shut the door and turned to face Julie. He looked her up and down, shook his head and walked away from her.

"Where are you going?" Kate asked.

"To bed, you want me to take him with me?" Jack asked.

Kate walked over to him and handed Braden to him. She looked at him with questioning eyes.

"What?" He said.

"You have nothing to say? You're just going to ignore this?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm too pissed off to deal with it. It would just turn into a screaming match that would end up waking Riley and if that happens I'll be even more pissed so I'm going to bed and maybe by morning I won't be too pissed off to talk to her." Jack said.

"Jack, you're over-reacting a little don't you think?" Kate asked.

"Am I? She lied about where she was going, she lied about who she going with and what she would be doing and she obviously snuck the clothes she really wanted to wear out with her and changed with absolutely no regard to the fact that we all agreed she wouldn't be out in public looking like a tramp. You deal with her because I can't right now and stay calm." Jack said.

"Go to bed Julie." Kate ordered.

"That's it? I'm not in trouble?" Julie asked.

"Yes, you're in trouble. You can stay home tomorrow and help Jack with the kids and then we'll decide just how much trouble you're in." Kate told her.

"But you said I could get my belly button pierced tomorrow." Julie whined.

"You did?" Jack asked.

"Yeah we were all going to do it, just for fun." Kate told him.

Jack gave her a disapproving look, shook his head and turned to leave the room again.

"What? You can have tattoos all over your body, but getting an extra hole put in mine is stupid?" Kate asked with a hint of sarcasm.

"Not stupid, just potentially dangerous if it isn't done properly. The infection risk is higher than with your typical mall ear piercing." Jack said.

"And getting tattoos isn't potentially dangerous?" Kate laughed.

"Touché'. Let's go to bed." Jack laughed lightly.

Julie stormed past both of them mumbling under her breath, stomping and slamming.

"Hey, stop making so much noise and give us your cell phone. I have no idea how much trouble you're in, but I'm certain you'll lose that for at least a couple of days so hand it over." Jack ordered.

Julie stopped on the bottom stair, reached into her purse, pulled her cell phone out and threw it at Jack. It hit Braden in the back of the head and crashed onto the floor breaking into several pieces. Braden was crying and Jack was examining the small mark on his head where the phone had hit him. He handed Braden back to Kate and walked toward Julie. The anger in his eyes paralyzed her. She stood on the stairs unable to speak or move.

"You just had to keep pushing it didn't you? You couldn't just quietly go to bed and up your chances of getting off lightly could you? Let's go." Jack said, taking her by the arm and forcefully leading her up the stairs.

"Jack, don't. She didn't mean to hit Braden." Kate pleaded.

"Don't what? Don't get fed up with her bullshit attitude? She obviously isn't going to go to bed until we punish her so I'm just giving her what she wants." Jack said as he continued up the stairs with her.

They disappeared at the landing. Kate heard the door open and then close hard. Inside the bedroom Julie had turned the tears on. Jack pointed at the bed and told her to sit down. She didn't argue with him and sat on the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry Jack. I didn't mean to hit Braden." Julie said.

"Yeah, well bad things usually happen when you're acting like a brat. I buy you a cell phone and you appreciate it so much you throw it at me and clip your nephew in the head with it in the process? What is the matter with you?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. I was mad." Julie said.

"You were mad? Riley throws things when she's mad too, would you like Kate and I to start treating you like a two year old? Jack asked.

"You already do so what do I care?" Julie whined.

"Just stop it. I'm not going to yell at you or waste any time fighting with you. You're grounded for two weeks. No cell phone and no computer. You go to school and you come home and you do whatever Kate asks you to do." Jack told her as he pulled the cable from the back of her notebook and lifted it off the desk.

"Can I talk on the regular phone?" Julie asked.

"No. You can't." Jack answered.

"Please Jack, I have a new boyfriend and if he can't see me or talk to me for two weeks he might get bored and move on to someone else." Julie pleaded.

"Then he probably wouldn't have been much of a boyfriend anyway." Jack said flatly.

"I hate you and can't wait until I'm old enough to get away from you! You're the most insensitive prick I've ever met in my life and I can't believe my sister let's you fuck her!" Julie snapped knowing she went entirely too far and wished immediately that she could take it back.

Jack turned on her and moved closer making her back away from him until the mattress stopped her and she had no place left to go. He hovered over her with one arm on either side of her.

"If you want to be mad at me that's fine, but you leave Kate out of it. I've put up with all the disrespect from you that I'm going to so if you want to add another week to your sentence then just let one more disgusting thing come out of your mouth." Jack warned.

"Anything else sir?" Julie asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, you stay in here until you're ready to act like a member of this family again. When you're ready to come out and accept responsibility for what you did tonight and apologize to Kate you can come out, but not until then." Jack said and moved away from her, retrieving the notebook again and walking toward the door.

"What about you? You don't want an apology?" Julie asked.

"I don't want anything from you that I have to ask for. I thought you and I were past that, done playing this game, but I guess I was wrong. Goodnight Julie." Jack said calmly and left the room.

Jack walked down the hallway, peeked in on Riley and Braden and finally found his way back into his own bedroom. He took his jeans off and slipped into the bed. Kate moved in close to him and he instinctively lifted his arm and allowed her to get comfortable, her head resting on his chest, the smell of her hair just close enough that it would normally lull him into a peaceful sleep, but he guessed he wouldn't sleep much tonight, too angry and a little hurt to shut his brain down. He finally spoke.

"She's grounded for two weeks, no phones of any kind, no computer and she supposed to help you out as much as possible and since she'll only be allowed out of the house to go to school you might as well take advantage of it." Jack explained, his voice quiet, but firm.

"Is she okay? Are you okay? You were so angry Jack." Kate said.

"You thought I was going to hit her didn't you?" Jack asked his tone suggesting he was slightly offended.

"It crossed my mind." Kate answered truthfully.

"That was a one time thing Kate, I'm not a violent man. I have a violent temper, but I don't usually resort to violence, especially against someone who is smaller and weaker. She just pushed me completely over the edge that day and we talked about it and she knows why I did it and she isn't afraid of a repeat." Jack explained.

"She looked pretty scared to me." Kate said.

"Yeah that's because she knew she pushed too far, forced my hand and she knows the outcome is never going to be pleasant for her because I don't make idle threats once she forces my hand. Trust me Kate, Riley and Braden will grow to understand that same feeling of dread, not because I'm striving to be some ogre, but because kids need to know there are limits and consequences for going beyond them. I'm not picking on her." Jack defended himself.

"I know you're not and you are better at handing out punishment and sticking to it than I am. I'm a total wimp about that stuff. But you didn't answer my question Jack. Are you okay? You seem, I don't know, almost defeated." Kate said.

"I'm fine. Dealing with Julie can be exhausting sometimes and tonight I'm exhausted. Every time I think the two of us are making progress she lets me know in no uncertain terms that I'm just a means to an end, something she has to put up with for now." Jack said.

"That's not true Jack, she loves and respects you." Kate said.

"She's got a funny way of showing it Kate. That look of total defiance she gets in her eyes, throwing things at me, calling me a prick. I can be a prick I guess, but I really care a lot about that kid and I thought we finally had something good between us and………what the hell, I'm just being an oversensitive whiney ass. She's the kid and I'm the grown up and tomorrow everything will get back to normal. Let's get some sleep Kate." Jack said and tightened his hold on her.

Kate could tell Julie had really hurt his feelings and it made her a little angry and a little sad because he did care a lot about her, probably even loved her at this point and she loved to throw it back in his face any time she didn't get her way and regardless of what Julie's been through it was wrong for her to keep doing that to him. She closed her eyes, thinking about how she would get that point across to Julie and finally drifted off to sleep.

Jack woke the next morning feeling tired, but a lot more rested than he had anticipated he would. He decided that the 2-1/2 hours of intimacy he'd shared with Kate more than made up for how ugly the night had ended. He lay quietly for a moment, listening for the sounds of the baby or Riley, but there was nothing but total silence. Kate was gone. He guessed she was up feeding the baby. He finally rolled out of bed and walked slowly to the bathroom, deciding he'd get a long hot shower in before he spent the day dealing with an infant, a toddler and a pissed off teenager.

He stood in the shower with his head down letting the hot water beat down on him, his mind still sleepy and so focused on how good the water felt that he hadn't noticed she'd opened the shower door and joined him until he felt the two arms wrap around him from behind.

"If you aren't my wife we're both in big trouble." He teased.

"Oh really, who else would it be Jack?" She asked in a playful tone.

"Maybe that new blonde nurse in pediatrics, she's been flirting with me shamelessly." Jack laughed.

"So would you rather it was her in the shower with you?" Kate asked turning him around to face her.

"No way, besides I don't think those double Ds her plastic surgeon gave her would fit in here." Jack said and chuckled.

"Are you serious? That big?" Kate laughed.

"They look like two basketballs." Jack said with an amused, but disapproving tone.

"So you have been looking?" Kate asked.

"Well they're hard to miss Kate, but actually it was my 13 year old patient that brought them to my attention. I'm guessing the poor little guy is having some major sponge bath issues." Jack said.

"Jack that's awful! How embarrassing for him." Kate squealed.

"Not anymore, I talked to the nurses and they promised me they'd let one of the male nurses deal with him from now on, but enough about my job. My beautiful wife is naked with me in the shower, I'd rather focus on that." Jack said.

"I though maybe I'd help you relax completely before I run off and leave you with these kids all day." Kate said.

"Really? So this is charity?" Jack teased.

"No, actually both the kids are still asleep and the idea of having my way with you in the shower was too good to resist." Kate said in a seductive tone and began kissing him.

He pulled her closer and returned her kisses, his body responding immediately to her and making her moan into his mouth. She moved herself back enough to take him into her hand, guiding him toward her entrance making him smile and grab hold of her hand.

"Somebody woke up horny this morning." He teased.

"I guess you woke up the monster last night. No rest for you Jack." She teased back.

"Sounds like a good time to me." He said and pulled her hand away from him and gently moved her back until she was against the wall of the shower, cringing briefly at the coldness of the tiles.

He poured a small amount of the body wash onto the sponge and began moving it in slow circles over her body, over her neck and slowly over her chest, circling each breast gently and slowly and then gliding it down her stomach, past her naval and down, pushing her legs apart so he could glide the sponge over her aching center and then down the inside of her thighs, soaping up the entire front of her before standing back up and grabbing the shower nozzle, holding it in his hand, slowly rinsing the soap from the front of her. He watched the warm water glide down her chest, her nipples clean and warm, begging for his mouth to cover them and he did not disappoint.

He handed her the shower nozzle, directing her to hold it so the water would run over them and closed his mouth over her right nipple and sucked gently while his right hand massaged her left breast, gently pinching the nipple in his fingers as he continued to suck the other one, her light moans and her free hand trying to move down between them encouraging him to drag it out just a little longer, switching his mouth and his hands so that each breast got equal time. He could feel her trying to push her hips into any part of his body she could make contact with and began moving his mouth down her stomach and then further down, pleasantly surprised to find her hand blocking his path, her fingers buried deep within herself, the sight of her pleasuring herself with no inhibitions nearly making him come.

He took the shower nozzle from her and put it back its holder so that the water would continue to rain down on them. He glided her down until she was sitting on the floor of the shower and she brought her hands up to his shoulders, ready for him to penetrate her. He brought her hand back down to her pussy and she looked at him, confused for a moment.

"Finish Kate, let me watch you make yourself come." He encouraged, his tone bordering on begging, so much so she nearly laughed at how turned on he was at the prospect of watching her masturbate.

She smiled at him, closed her eyes and continued to pleasure herself while he watched, focusing on her pleasure and surprised that it didn't bother her that he was watching. She opened her eyes and the sight of him watching her so intensely, his cock standing up hard and straight ready to burst over what he was being allowed to witness, took her to a level of excitement she'd never been able to get to on her own and she could feel the orgasm building, watching him, his eyes so clouded with desire and a hint of awe that she wanted to come as hard as she could for him and it hit, the slow, but powerful surge of release, the familiar swoosh of nerve endings on fire caught some place between ecstasy and agony, pleasure and pain and she cried while he watched, not sure which was more exciting, her face screwed up in a way that showed how good the wave that was hitting her felt or watching her shove her own hand in deeper and harder, clenching around it as she got herself through it. He only knew his own release was on its way and guided her free hand to his throbbing cock, encouraging her to jerk him off. She didn't hesitate and it didn't take but a few strokes to send him forward, supporting himself on his hands while the hot liquid spurted from him, over her hand and onto both of them.

They sat at the bottom of the shower collecting themselves before standing back up and washing one another again, staying under the water until it ran cold. They stepped out and dried themselves, both still a bit hazy from the orgasm and turned on from all the body contact under the warm water. They both listened for the sound of small children up and about and when there was no evidence that either was awake they locked the bedroom door and met in the center of the bed. Kate reached over and grabbed a condom from the drawer of the nightstand beside the bed. He reached for it, but she pulled it away from him, shooting him a teasing smile and then scooting back some.

"Since you like to watch so much, watch this." She told him.

She held his semi-erect cock in her fist and took the head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around and slowly moving her fist up and down, feeling him harden and then finally tasting the precum that had begun to seep out. He leaned back on his hands, arms stretched out and watched, being the first to agree that watching the woman you love suck your dick was better than just about anything else in life. He moved his hand over the back of her head, his signal that he might not be able to control things much longer. She pulled back, sat up and opened the condom wrapper. She placed the condom on his tip and then brought her mouth back down using her lips and her tongue to slowly roll the condom onto his cock, having to take him deeper and deeper each time until it was completely unrolled. Once the condom was on all the way she pulled back again and smiled at him.

"Maybe this form of birth control isn't so bad after all." He said with a grin and pulled her into him, kissing her passionately, his hot, wet mouth covering hers so hungry for every part of her it was making her stomach flutter with excitement.

She straddled him and eased herself onto him, riding him slowly, his cock hard and ready to treat her to a lengthy love-making session. He held his hands on her thighs and watched her grind slowly into him, finding that perfect spot that would bring her to orgasm and riding it while he watched for the second time that morning. He watched her come and when she was through he lifted her off of him and scooted off the bed, pulling her along with him. She stood in front of him, her back to him and sucked in her breath when she felt his hand slide around and glide through her slickness. He pushed her forward until she was face down on the bed, her legs dangling over the side. He her pushed her legs apart slightly and entered her from behind, making her grab two handfuls of bedding and bite her lip to keep from screaming. The bed was the perfect height for him to stand beside it and thrust himself into her, while she lay comfortably on her stomach, his thrusts pushing her forward, seemingly going deeper each time.

He finally pulled out and crawled back into the bed with her. She lay back in the center, her head resting comfortably in the stack of pillows, while he worked his way in-between her legs. She opened up for him and watched while he positioned himself and slid into her slowly, finding himself face to face with her, his mouth covering hers again and wishing she could know how good it feels to buried within her. He started slow, but she wanted it hard and fast and he gave in to her demands, sweat pouring off his body as he slammed into her hard, his balls slapping against her, his pace so quick he thought he might actually die before either one of them got off. Her orgasm finally took over her, making her clinch around him so tight he had to stop, sure she was going to break it.

Kate came back down to earth and realized he'd stopped and knew he didn't come. She rubbed the back of his neck and kissed him, encouraging him to go again, but slower and deeper and he did, pushing in and out of her with slow, but extremely hard strokes, both of them groaning and moaning as their bodies smacked together hard, remained for a second or two and then he'd back out and repeat the process. He could tell she was about to come again and it took everything he had to keep his own release in check until she did. She screamed and he put his mouth over hers while he released his hot seed, convinced it shot out so fast and hard it broke the condom, relieved when he finally pulled out of her and saw that was not the case.

He excused himself and took care of things in the bathroom. His body and his mind were exhausted by the time he climbed back into bed with her, pulling her into his chest and abdomen and spooning his warm body around hers. He kissed the top of her head and breathed heavily his mind quickly giving way to sleep, the sleep that had escaped him during the night.

"I love you so much more than I ever loved her." He mumbled just as he drifted off to sleep.

Kate heard him and was puzzled by the admittance. She assumed the "her" was Sarah, but she couldn't imagine why he'd said it, but was glad to hear he felt that way. Sure that he was sleeping soundly she eased out of his clutches, quietly freshened up and dressed and walked back over to the bed. She pulled the blanket up to his waist to cover all the important parts and kissed him gently on the shoulder.

"Sleep baby, you need it." She said and left the room.

She closed their bedroom door, checked on Braden and Riley and looked toward the other end of the hallway.

"Now miss Julie, you and I are going to have a heart to heart." Kate mumbled to herself and began walking toward Julie's bedroom.


	38. Chapter 38

Kate entered Julie's bedroom. She walked over to the window and opened the blinds to let some light in. Julie groaned at the sudden invasion, rolled over and put the pillow over her head.

"Good you're awake." Kate said.

"No I'm not so leave me alone." Julie mumbled.

"I think I've left you alone long enough. I think it's time you and I talked about the things neither one of us want to talk about." Kate said.

"You let that husband of yours treat me like an unwanted step child and now you want to talk about why I'm stuck here with you?" Julie said hatefully.

"Yeah Julie, I think it's time. You and me we talk about all the things sisters should talk about, we hug each other, act like we care about each other and even force an I love you out once in awhile, but I think we both know there is something between us." Kate said.

"Look if you want me to apologize to Jack for calling him a prick and throwing the phone at him I will, but let's not do this." Julie groaned.

"Why don't you like him Julie?" Kate asked.

"I do like him." Julie answered.

"Then why do you go out of your way to hurt him?" Kate asked.

"Me? He's the one always making all these dumb rules, yelling at me, trying to tell me what to do. Why is he always so mean to me?" Julie whined.

"And when he's helping you with your homework, teaching you how to play chess or poker or staying up and watching those gruesome, bloody horror movies with you is he not being your friend? When he hands you money left and right to go out with your friends is he being mean? How about when he took you down and bought you that cell phone you threw at him? What an ogre." Kate defended him.

"It doesn't matter Kate, he's always going to be able to just turn away any time I screw up because I'm not his kid, I'm just your bratty kid sister, something he puts up with for your sake." Julie said sadly.

"Oh stop it Julie, what does he have to do to prove to you that isn't the case? If he didn't care about you he wouldn't care if you screw up or care if you leave the house looking like a prostitute. You really hurt his feelings last night Julie and I don't like being caught in the middle, but I will tell you this much baby sister, you don't ever want to force me to choose between the two of you because you will lose." Kate warned her.

"Is that supposed to surprise me? It's always about Kate and what Kate wants right?" Julie snapped.

"Is it? Please elaborate." Kate said.

"You killed my daddy Kate because he loved me more, because he loved mom more and you tried to say you did it for me so I couldn't hate you for it, but you did it for you and then you just left me to pick up the pieces!" Julie screamed as her eyes filled with tears.

"No sweetie he didn't love you, not like a father is supposed to love a daughter, but you are right, I did it for all of us, for you, for mom and for me. I hated him." Kate admitted.

"He did too love me! He said I was his most special girl, that I was more special than you, that I loved him more than mom did and that I should let him love me the way daddies love their special girls. If I wouldn't have gotten scared and told you about it he'd still be alive and momma wouldn't have hated me and you wouldn't have run away." Julie cried.

Kate tried to hug her, to calm her down, but she pushed her away and moved off of the bed and began pacing like a caged animal.

"Julie none of what happened was your fault. You were just a kid." Kate pleaded with her.

"It was too my fault and I wasn't a baby, I knew what he wanted to do with me Kate and so did momma, she just tried to ignore it and make it my fault. She said that I shouldn't tell you, that women like us just do what we're told, don't question things and be grateful for what we've got and that I should just stay away from him because I was being a tramp." Julie continued on, her tone loud and nearing hysterics.

"Oh sweetie, she was wrong. He was sick Julie and I didn't want you to ever know what it was like to be violated by your own father. I love you so much Julie and I wished I could've taken you with me, but I couldn't. Please believe that I only wanted to protect you." Kate pleaded with her trying again to hold her, hug her, reassure her.

Julie violently pulled away from her.

"You didn't protect me Kate! You ruined my life! You killed daddy and mom blamed me for it every day until she died! He loved me, he was my friend. All I had to do was have sex with him and everything would've been okay because that's what girls are supposed to do for men. You aren't supposed to take them for granted. I should've just kept my mouth shut and did what he wanted. I trusted you Kate. How could you just blow him up? I hate you!" Julie screamed.

Kate was devastated and Julie was self-destructing. She was sobbing hysterically, throwing things, and breaking things. The baby was crying and Riley was calling for her, both awoken by the noise, but she couldn't tear herself away from Julie, wanting to take her anger and her pain away, prove to her that the love she knew was sick and twisted and that she didn't do anything wrong. She tried to grab her, hold her and calm her, but Julie was out of control. She swung a fist and clipped Kate hard in the side of the head sending her backward onto the floor. She pounced on her and began punching her, screaming at her, blaming her for what she'd endured the last few years.

Jack came through the bedroom door startled out of his sleep by the battle going on in Julie's room. He stopped for a moment to let the scene register and then he quickly moved into the room, wrapped his arms around Julie and pulled her off of Kate. She kicked and screamed and fought against him sinking her teeth into his forearm. He pried his arm loose and moved it down out of her reach, he sat on the bed and wrapped his legs around hers, holding her tightly while she fought him with everything she had.

"Let me go! Make him let go of me! Don't let him hurt me!" Julie screamed at Kate who was up now trying to calm her down while Jack held onto her.

"He would never hurt you baby, shh, calm down it's okay." Kate tried to soothe her.

"Yes he will, they all do eventually." Julie cried, not fighting quite as hard, her small body tiring against the hold he had on her.

"Take deep breaths Julie, everything is going to be okay." Jack said in a calm voice, loosening his grip a little.

Julie stopped fighting him and began sobbing, coughing as she fought to catch her breath.

"I can't breathe, I'm going to be sick I think." Julie cried.

"You're going to be okay, just try to breathe and relax." Jack coaxed as he held onto her and rocked her gently, noticing that she was starting to fight him again.

The baby was wailing and Riley was standing in the doorway taking looking scared.

"I need to get him." Kate said.

"Go ahead, I'll stay here." Jack said.

Kate stood in front of them torn between her baby and her sister and she couldn't stop the tears.

"What did I do? Oh god, what did I do? I need to hold her, I need to be here for her." Kate cried.

"Kate, I don't know what just happened in here, but right now we need to focus on settling her down. Go get Braden and as soon as she relaxes some I'll take the baby and you can hold her for as long as you need to." Jack told her trying to remain calm while the rest of them were falling apart in front of him.

Kate nodded at him and walked toward the door. She took Riley's hand and tried to lead her away.

"Can you help me with the baby Riley?" Kate asked.

"I want daddy." Riley protested.

"I know and as soon as we get Braden I'll take you back to daddy okay?" Kate coaxed.

"No!" Riley screamed and threw herself down.

"She's fine Kate." Jack said.

Kate noticed the agitation in his tone and decided not to argue with him. She walked down the hallway to get the baby. Jack turned to make sure Riley was still lying in the floor in the doorway and then turned his attention back to Julie. She was starting to completely relax her body, too exhausted to continue on.

"If I let go of you are you going to stay calm?" Jack asked.

She didn't answer him. He looked down at her tear stained face. Her eyes were open and staring at nothing, sad and empty. She looked as small and fragile as he'd known her to be, as delicate and helpless at the moment as Riley seemed to him and he wished he understood what was going on with her, what brought this on and what, if anything, he could do to help her.

"I don't feel good, can I go back to bed?" Julie asked.

Jack stood with her and slowly let go of the grip he had on her. She shook him off and crawled into her bed. Kate walked into the bedroom with the baby. Jack approached her and took Braden from her. Riley was pulling on his pant leg and he reached down and pulled her up his leg and onto his hip.

"Is she going to be okay?" Kate asked tears threatening to spill over.

"I think so, go and stay with her and when you're ready come talk to me, tell me what happened." He told her and kissed her gently, wiping a tear away from her cheek with his thumb.

Jack walked away with the baby in one arm and Riley in the other. Kate entered the bedroom cautiously and approached the bed. Julie was on her side staring at nothing. Kate crawled in beside her and wrapped her arms around her and Julie let her, easing her back into Kate. They lay together quietly and cried together.

"I want to believe in him." Julie said softly.

"Believe in who?" Kate asked.

"Jack." Julie answered.

"You can you know." Kate told her.

"That's how they all start. They act like your friend and buy you stuff and then you owe them. They expect you to show your gratitude. I don't want to." Julie said and began crying softly.

"Sweetie I want you to be honest with me. Did someone besides Wayne want that from you?" Kate asked.

"Of course, isn't that what they all want? Mom had boyfriends that were always looking at me, being my best friend, taking me places and then of course they start showing up when mom's at work wanting to wait for her to get home, touching themselves and trying to convince you it's a fun game to touch them. It's the same with all of them. Why do they do that Kate?" Julie asked.

"Did they hurt you Julie? Did those men force you do anything you didn't want to do?" Kate asked.

"No, they'd just get mad and threaten to hurt me if I told so I didn't because I told once and it ruined everything. Mom was so sad and those men seemed to make her feel better so I never told her." Julie said.

"How many were there?" Kate asked.

"There were two after daddy. I don't understand why men are like that and I don't want it to happen anymore." Julie cried.

"Oh honey most men aren't like that and Jack would never do that to you." Kate said hugging her tighter, trying to reassure.

"I want to believe that. He's been so good to me and for the first time in a long time I feel safe, but I'm scared at the same time. I just know that one of these times when we're up late at night watching a movie in the dark and he's letting me sit close and sometimes even fall asleep on him that I'm going to wake up and he'll be asking me to do things to him that I don't want to. I want to trust him and love him Kate but not like that. I want to look up to him and feel like I can depend on him and I couldn't stand it if he didn't want that, couldn't appreciate how much I need him, how much I need him to love me back, but never in a sexy way." Julie explained her tears flowing steadily, her young mind so confused and screwed up at the hands of the adults in her life.

"Julie, I love you so much that I killed for you and I would do it again. If I thought for one second that mom was going to allow you to be hurt anyway I would've found a better way, a way to take you with me and I am so sorry I left you. I can't ever undo that, but I promise you I will never leave you again and I will never let anyone hurt you, make you feel dirty, make you feel like that's the only way to receive love because it's not. Jack would never hurt you or any child, especially not like that, most men wouldn't." Kate told her.

"But I'm not a child anymore." Julie said sadly.

"Yes you are and you need to try to learn to enjoy being a child for awhile and let me and Jack worry about all the grown up stuff. You know he wants to teach you how to drive. Do you want to learn how to drive?" Kate asked.

"Not really, I like it when you take me to school and pick me up, but I'll do it if he's going to be mad if I don't." Julie said.

"He won't be mad. He just wants you to be happy Julie, wants you to be a normal teenager, just not a defiant one that calls him names." Kate said.

"I'll try." Julie sighed.

"I'm going to try harder too, make more time for you. I think we have to have at least one day a week just for you and me. We can go to a movie, get our hair done, go shopping, whatever we want and when you get tired of me and just want to hang with your friends you can tell me because I don't mind hanging out with the old guy down the hall." Kate teased.

"I'm sorry Kate. I don't like how I feel about everything. You're my sister so how can I be so angry about what you did? It's wrong. You were trying to help me, but he was my daddy and it's hard not to love him even though he didn't deserve to be loved and I do love you and you do deserve it so how come I feel so angry about all of it?" Julie asked.

"You feel angry because he was your dad and because you loved him and it's okay for you to feel that way Julie because we all get angry at each other or there are things we don't necessarily like about each other, but as long as we love each other we can overcome anything." Kate did her best to answer such a confusing and difficult question.

"Should I go and apologize to Jack?" Julie asked.

"You can do that later, let's just stay here and relax until you feel good enough to get up and join the rest of us. Just remember Julie that I'm happy you are here and that I want you here both of us do. We are your family and we love you and we are going to do everything we can to keep you safe and happy." Kate said.

Julie closed her eyes, her mind exhausted by the events of the morning, finally gave into sleep. Kate stayed with her until she was sure she was sleeping deeply and then eased herself out of the bed. She quietly exited the room, leaving the door slightly ajar and headed downstairs. She found Jack and the kids in the family room. The baby was in the playpen and Jack was busy cleaning up Riley's latest potty accident. Riley was sitting in her chair pulling on the diaper he'd put on her and was crying "no diaper". Kate was convinced they'd woken up in a circus.

"Jack, why did you put that on her and where did it come from?" Kate asked.

"I stopped and bought them on the way home yesterday. One of the pediatricians at the hospital suggested it." Jack said.

"What? Humiliate her into complying?" Kate said sarcastically.

"No, she's not embarrassed, she's mad because it's not as comfortable as panties." Jack said.

"Jack." Kate argued.

"Kate she looked me right in the eye and pissed all over the floor. That's bullshit. Night time accidents or real accidents are one thing, but she knew what she was doing. If she wants to lose the diaper she has to start asking to use the bathroom again." Jack said.

"You're the boss." Kate mumbled.

"No, I'm not and I'm just as clueless about all of this as you are, but I doubt letting her know that pissing herself is unacceptable is going to scar her for life." Jack snapped.

"Don't snap at me Jack, I'm having a shitty day too." Kate snapped back.

Jack finished cleaning Riley's mess from the floor and left the room to dispose of the trash. He walked back in and Kate was sitting on the couch looking as tired and distressed as he felt. He sat beside her, put his arm around her and kissed her softly. She immediately broke down. He pulled her into his chest, leaned back and kept his arms wrapped around her. He let one hand gently glide over her back and waited for her to get it out of her system so she could talk to him. After a few minutes she calmed, relaxing into him almost to the point of falling asleep.

"Hey are you going to sleep on me?" He asked softly.

"I'm so tired Jack, so tired of trying to get beyond a past that just won't let go. My baby sister is so screwed up and it's my fault." Kate said sadly.

"What happened up there?" He asked.

Kate explained the events that led up to the breakdown and then discussed the fears Julie had about him, seeing his face and eyes go to a place of shame and disgust at the idea that she feared that type of abuse from him. He was quiet for a long time, trying to absorb it all and trying not to take Julie's fears personally, trying to approach the situation from a clinical point of view and leave emotions out of it, which he found was easier said than done. When you've become attached to a kid and find out she's afraid you're going to approach her for sex it's hard to not find it disturbing.

"Do you think she is going to be okay? Is there something we should be doing for her?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. Is there a proper way to handle living under the same roof with a 17 year old who thinks I want to have sex with her." Jack mumbled.

"Did you just say what I think you said?" Kate asked her tone suggesting she was upset with him.

"Yeah I did, I'm just being honest. I'm not sure I know how to handle this Kate. Is my showing her any kind of affection going to be turned into something dirty and shameful? Should I just keep my distance? Should I let her set the rules and stop trying to guide her in that respect? This is new territory for me, not something they teach you in medical school and let's be realistic, medicine is pretty much all I know." Jack admitted.

"Bullshit. You know more about dealing with people than anyone I've ever met. I think you should continue on the way you have been Jack. She's feeling bad enough without you turning your back on her." Kate argued.

"I have no intention of turning my back on her Kate, but put yourself in my shoes for just a minute. How do I approach this? It's very unsettling." Jack said.

"You approach this by assuring her that you have nothing but good intentions and you follow that up by not changing your relationship with her at all. I'm not a shrink Jack, but allowing the first positive relationship she's had with any kind of father figure crumble because she finally opened up about her fears couldn't be good for her." Kate pleaded.

"You're right. I just needed to put it out there, verbalize it to see if sounded as bad as it felt in my head and it did. It was stupid and intellectually I know that. Maybe it's as simple as feeling a little sad that she could think I'm capable of that. How pathetic is that? She's been through hell and I'm considering having hurt feelings." Jack said.

"It's not pathetic Jack and I'm impressed that you shared that with me instead of internalizing it and making me pry it out of you. Thank you." Kate said and kissed him, completely understanding why the situation was so weird for him.

"What about you? How do you feel about this? It can't have been easy to hear all of that." Jack said.

"I'm angry and sad and disgusted and it hurt to hear that she's angry with me over Wayne, that she blames me for everything that has happened to her, but like you, I'm trying to rationalize it and put the hurt aside for her sake. I really screwed up Jack, how am I ever going to fix all the damage I caused?" Kate asked, her eyes filling with tears again.

"We'll fix it together." He offered and hugged her.

"She's so sad Jack, so confused, so insecure. How are we going to fix that?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, I guess we'll just love her a whole lot and hope for the best. Maybe a belly-button piercing adventure with you and Claire would be the perfect cure for her blues today." Jack offered.

"She's grounded and she deserves to be grounded." Kate objected.

"She can still be grounded, but she can have a temporary reprieve for this critical mission." Jack teased.

"You haven't had much sleep are you sure you're up for this?" Kate asked.

"No problem. I'll even cook dinner, clean the dishes, bathe the kids and still be up for you when you come to bed tonight." He told her and kissed her.

"I'm going to hold you to that you know?" Kate laughed.

"I hope so." Jack said.

"Do you really think she's okay Jack? She was so freaked out earlier." Kate said.

"Let her sleep for a little while and I'll go check on her. I think she's had a lot locked up inside and finally let it go. Hopefully she'll feel better when she wakes up." Jack said.

Kate leaned in and kissed him, both lingering longer than they had planned on the moment being broken by the light tugging Kate felt on the hem of her shirt. She broke the kiss with Jack and turned around. Riley was standing beside them, looking at them with those soft brown eyes that could melt you instantly.

"I bet you're getting hungry little one." Kate said.

"Potty." Riley told her as she danced around a bit.

"You need to go potty?" Kate asked.

Riley nodded and held the front of the diaper Jack had put on her.

"Come on munchkin, I'll take you." Jack said and took her hand.

Riley pulled her hand away from him and put them behind her back.

"No daddy! Kate! Daddy's mean." Riley whined.

"Well, somebody is pissed off at you." Kate laughed.

"She'll get over it." Jack commented.

"Yeah, but will you?" Kate giggled.

"Smart asses, I'm surrounded by smart asses. She probably picked up that Daddy's mean bullshit from you and Julie." Jack yelled after them as Kate hurried her to the bathroom.

Riley came bouncing back into the family room and proudly showed off her panties to her daddy. Jack pulled her up into his lap, standing her on his thighs and straightening the t-shirt she had on.

"I'm a big girl." Riley told him.

"You are? Does that mean no more wet pants?" Jack asked.

Riley lifted her t-shirt and looked at her panties. She felt them and then looked at Jack with a confused look on her face.

"Not wet daddy." She told him and shrugged her shoulders making him laugh. She had quite a personality, definitely not moody like her dad and he was grateful for that.

"Can I have a kiss?" He asked.

"No." Riley giggled, teasing him so he'd tickle her into submission.

_**Adventures in babysitting, a visit from Sawyer and of course some fluff and jex to follow. It can't be serious all the time.** _


	39. Chapter 39

_**This chapter should be a little less heavy than the last and hopefully you will enjoy it. This story is headed to an ending eventually I swear, it just takes time and patience to get there. Thanks for all the nice reviews!**_

Jack cooked breakfast while Kate showered and prepared for a day of shopping with Claire and Julie. He kept Braden in an infant carrier on the table while Riley spent her time attached to his leg or attached to his hip. He'd become quite adept at making scrambled eggs with just one free hand in the time since Riley had dropped into his life. He'd just settled Riley down in front of her scrambled eggs when Claire called. Jack wiped his hands quickly and answered the phone.

"Good morning Claire." Jack said.

"Good morning Jack, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel on Kate." Claire said.

"Why? Is everything okay?" Jack asked.

"Yes, it's just that Hurley was going to keep Aaron for me but he's not feeling well. Can you tell her we'll do it another time when my babysitter isn't sleeping beside the toilet?" Claire asked.

"Is he okay Claire?" Jack asked.

"He says he is, says it's one of those stomach viruses, but he's too sick to chase after Aaron all day." Claire said.

"I'll watch Aaron for you." Jack said.

"Jack, that's nice of you, but it's too much." Claire argued.

"It'll be fine. Just bring your baby gates with you so I can trap him in one room and not have to worry about him getting near the stairs." Jack said.

"Are you sure Jack?" Claire asked.

"Positive. Kate's really looking forward to this. She needs a break from the kids and I'm sure you could use a break too." Jack said.

After a little more prodding from Jack, Claire agreed to let him watch Aaron. Kate entered the kitchen just as he shoved the cell phone back into his pocket. He insisted she sit down while he made her a plate. She wasn't a big breakfast eater, but since he'd gone to the trouble to make it for her she nibbled at it so as not to seem ungrateful. The baby began fussing and Kate jumped at the chance to leave the plate of unwanted food and tend to him.

"You're pathetic Kate. You could've just said, 'Jack you're the most wonderful husband in the world for doing this, but I'm not hungry' instead of using an innocent baby as your excuse to leave your breakfast behind." Jack teased.

"But that would've been lying Jack." Kate said as she picked the baby up.

"Why's that? You weren't hungry were you?" Jack pushed.

"No, I wasn't hungry." Kate said and winked at him.

Jack looked at her and chuckled. He approached her and pulled her close to him, trapping the baby in between the two of them.

"Oh, I see, I'm not the most wonderful husband in the world. That's fine. Tonight when I get to you to the point of begging, remember this moment. Paybacks are hell baby." He teased.

"Paybacks for thinking you're the most wonderful husband in the universe instead of the world?" Kate said with an ornery grin and squeezed his butt.

"Mmm, it's getting really deep in here so if you're going to feed him I'll go upstairs and take another shower before Claire gets here." Jack said.

"Check on Julie while you're up there, I peeked in, but she was still sleeping." Kate said.

Jack left the kitchen, took a quick shower, dressed and prepared himself for a day of what he was sure would be more exhausting than any surgery he'd ever performed. He walked to the end of the hall and peeked through the door. Julie was awake and staring up at the ceiling. He entered the room and sat on the side of the bed, looking her over briefly before speaking.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Where's Kate?" Julie asked.

"She's downstairs feeding the baby." Jack said brushing his hand lightly over her flushed cheeks, noticing how sad and defeated her eyes appeared.

"Is she going to leave me here with you all day?" Julie asked.

"Do you want to go shopping with her?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but I don't deserve to go shopping." Julie said.

"Maybe not, but we talked about it and decided you could go." Jack said.

"Why? Because you feel sorry for me? Let's let poor Julie do whatever she wants so she doesn't go whacko on us again. No thanks." Julie grumbled.

"We all need to go little crazy once in awhile or we probably would end up whacko." Jack offered.

"She told you didn't she?" Julie asked.

"Told me what?" Jack asked.

"Don't. See this is why you don't tell people your secrets. Last night you hated me, were ready to send me away and now Kate tells you all my dirty little secrets and you suddenly want to be all sweet and nice again. Just leave me alone Jack. You're such a fraud." Julie told him and rolled onto her side.

Jack took hold of her shoulder and rolled her back onto her back.

"You're calling me a fraud? What about you giving me this big heartfelt speech about how you liked it when I paid attention to you, how you needed that when all this time you've been afraid of me. How about a little honesty Julie." Jack shot back.

"How am I supposed to be honest about that? It's not like you'd admit you want me, no you just sabotage any chance I ever have of having a boyfriend and you get jealous if I look too sexy and won't let me wear what I want to wear." Julie protested.

"Okay enough. Let's clear a few things up. I don't now, nor have I ever hated you. I'm letting you off the hook to go shopping because I think that both you and Kate could use a day of fun together, the rest of the grounding is still in place. Julie I don't know how to say this without it hurting your feelings, but I don't want you in a sexual way. The idea of it disgusts me, not because you aren't attractive, but because you are a child not to mention my wife's sister. Bring a boy around who doesn't look like he just got released from prison and maybe I won't run him off. As for the clothes, trust me on this one Julie, what you had on last night was screaming 'I want to get laid'. Is that what you had in mind for the evening?" Jack ended his rant, pinching the top of his nose with his fingers, completely frustrated and worn out by the situation.

"I really disgust you?" Julie asked in such an innocent almost childlike way he had to hold back the chuckle that was trying to escape.

"No Julie you don't disgust me, the idea that you think I could want you in any kind of sexual way disgusts me. I really think it would be a good idea if we found you somebody to talk to about the things that scare you." Jack said.

"Why can't I just talk to Kate about it?" Julie asked.

"I don't know why can't you? Will you?" Jack asked.

"Yes, if she'll listen. She sacrificed everything for me though so why would she want to hear how much I didn't appreciate it?" Julie asked.

"She listened this morning didn't she?" Jack said.

"Yes." Julie answered.

"There you go then. Maybe she needs to talk about those thing too Julie, maybe that's why she isn't afraid to hear that you didn't appreciate it, maybe that's why she understand you and your struggles more than anyone else and maybe that's why you two need to build on what you started this morning. You can start by getting your lazy butt out of bed and spending the day with her and stop giving me shit about it." Jack said.

Julie sat up and brushed her hand lightly over the red and purple bite mark on his arm.

"Sorry about that." She said.

"Don't worry about it. Are we okay now and I mean really this time? No more pretending and being afraid on the inside? I'm not going to sit here and make some bold promise like 'I'm never going to hurt you' because people hurt each others feelings all the time, but I will promise that what you're afraid of is never going to happen." Jack said.

Julie wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He hesitated for a moment and then let his arms relax around her back and pulled her closer, returning the hug. Julie let her head rest on his shoulder for a moment.

"I'm sorry I called you a prick last night. I think I'll just stop being scared and trust you so don't screw it up. Okay?" Julie said her voice cracking as she fought back the tears.

"I'll do my best." Jack said.

"I love you Jack." Julie said.

"I love you too sweetheart." Jack said.

"Do I have to be grounded? Can we just start over?" She asked making him chuckle.

"Nice try, but sorry, nothing has changed, no phones and no computers for two weeks and if that new boyfriend is still interested he'll just have to come by the house to talk you I guess." Jack said.

Julie pulled out of the hug and looked at him, quickly wiping the tears from her face, the flushed cheeks and sad, defeated eyes replaced with new life.

"Really? He can come over here?" Julie asked.

"He has to pass my inspection anyway so yeah, but you'll need to run it by Kate first, she really is the boss of things around here you know." Jack told her.

"Thank you Jack! You're the bomb!" Julie told him as she kissed him on the cheek and bounced off to the bathroom to get ready for the shopping trip.

Jack wandered back down the stairs and stopped in the doorway to the family room. Kate was sitting on the couch with Riley curled up beside her on one side watching a cartoon and Braden was cradled in her other arm looking up at her as she spoke softly to him. Kate could feel the eyes on her and looked up.

"You're staring Jack." She said.

"Can't help it, there's nothing more beautiful than the woman you love, holding your children. I wish I had a camera handy." Jack told her as he walked into the room and sat down beside her.

"Is Julie okay? You were up there a long time, did you guys make up?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I went from a prick to 'the bomb' overnight." Jack chuckled.

"Wow, how'd you manage that?" Kate laughed.

"I told her if it was okay with the boss she could have that new boyfriend come by the house since she isn't allowed to talk on the phone or use the computer. Something else for the two of you to talk about because she's really emotionally stunted when it comes to boys, more so than most kids her age." Jack said.

"Yeah she is, but we'll get her caught up some how. It'd be helpful if she wasn't attracted to bad boys who have just one thing on their mind." Kate said.

"Aren't all women attracted to that?" Jack laughed.

"Apparently not, I married you didn't I?" Kate teased.

"Yeah, you did, but I seem to recall a certain island bad boy that you found hard to resist." Jack teased back.

"Maybe, but he just needed a friend more than anything. Still does." Kate said her tone suddenly turning serious.

"I guess, but let's not go there, we've dealt with enough shit for one day." Jack said.

"So are you going to be mad at me if I come home with a pierced belly button?" Kate asked.

"No, it's your belly button, but when you three come home sore from it, don't say I didn't warn you. Now, if you wanted to surprise me and get that lollipop tattooed right where I want it so I can lick it on a regular basis…." Jack teased.

"Jack, do you really want some guy tattooing me there?" Kate asked.

"No." Jack stated firmly with a twinge of jealousy making her laugh.

Claire arrived with Aaron and after leaving Jack a list of instructions the three women finally left on their shopping adventure. Jack took Aaron and Riley into the family room where Braden was sleeping in his playpen, put the gates up at both entrances, found a sporting event on television and relaxed back into the couch, approaching the situation with a calmness that would last about 20 minutes.

When the doorbell rang around two o'clock that afternoon Jack hoped for a brief moment it was someone coming to release him from the hell he was in. Braden was screaming, Riley was standing in a puddle of her own pee and Aaron apparently had whatever Hurley had, his diaper full beyond capacity and the excess running down his legs. He held the 13 month old out away from him as he stepped over the gate and made his way to the front door. He looked through the window, recognized that it was Sawyer and yelled for him to come in.

Sawyer walked through the door, saw Jack holding the foul smelling baby out in front of him, could hear the crying coming from the other room and thought about turning around and leaving, but instead shot Jack his stupid, shit-eating grin that didn't really set well with a man who was about to lose his mind.

"Looks like you got your hands full doc." Sawyer said.

"Nothing gets by you Sawyer. What do you want, I'm kind of busy." Jack snapped.

"Easy doc, looks like you could use a hand, do you really want to bite it?" Sawyer taunted.

"Great, here take him." Jack said and tried to shove the soiled baby at him.

"Don't get crazy doc. I ain't touchin that, but I'll watch the other two while you clean him up." Sawyer offered.

"Yeah, well there's another soiled one in there and one that is late being fed so unless you're going to do something more useful than watch them cry you should probably come back another time." Jack said the exhaustion and frustration he was feeling coming through loud and clear.

"Fine, what does the one that's hungry eat?" Sawyer asked.

"There are bottles in the refrigerator. Take one out, unscrew the nipple, nuke it for 25 seconds, put the nipple back on, shake it gently to get the hot spot out and bring it into the room with the gate." Jack instructed.

Jack went back to the family room while Sawyer headed for the kitchen. Riley was crying that it was an "uh-oh", still standing in the puddle and Aaron was crying while adding to the mess that was already in his diaper, the child's stomach in obvious distress. Sawyer entered the room with the bottle. Jack pointed to the playpen as he laid Aaron down on a towel on the floor and began cleaning him up. Sawyer awkwardly picked the infant up, his small, delicate size making him very nervous.

"He won't break Sawyer. Just cradle him in whichever arm feels the most comfortable and put the nipple in his mouth. He knows what do after that." Jack chuckled enjoying how an infant could reduce a man to a nervous pile of mush.

Jack cleaned Aaron up the best he could with the baby wipes, hoping to put him into a bath as soon as he got the other two children settled. He took Riley by the hand, told Sawyer he'd be right back and took her upstairs to change her clothes.

"No diaper daddy!" Riley cried.

Jack ignored her cries knowing that she'd done it on purpose because he was paying too much attention to Braden and Aaron. He stripped the urine soaked clothes off of her, cleaned her up, put a diaper on her and a clean t-shirt and stood her up in front of him.

"You have to be a big girl Riley and use the potty. Only big girls get to wear panties." Jack gently scolded her.

"Daddy's mean!" Riley cried.

"Yes, I am. Come on baby let's go make sure Sawyer isn't choking your baby brother." Jack said as he put the upset little girl on his hip and carried her back down the stairs.

When he returned to the family room Aaron was playing quietly with blocks and Braden was eagerly sucking away at the bottle Sawyer was feeding him. Jack set Riley down and told her to go play and took the baby from Sawyer.

Jack burped the baby and continued to feed him. He looked up at Sawyer and with the situation under control decided to ask him why he was visiting.

"Thanks for the help man. Is there a reason you're here or did you just miss my smiling face?" Jack asked sarcastically.

"Look doc, you had every right to throw me out, but you gotta know I ain't looking to break up no marriages." Sawyer defended himself.

"You're kidding right? You've spent you're entire adult life destroying marriages." Jack said.

"A marriage can't be destroyed unless it's already rocky to begin with." Sawyer argued.

"What do you want Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"Got myself banged up pretty good the other night and I ain't healin too good." Sawyer admitted.

"Let's see." Jack said calmly.

Sawyer took his shirt off. Jack could see all the bruising to his ribs on the right side and an infected wound on the left right above the waistline of his jeans.

"Is that a knife wound?" Jack asked.

"Yeah, but it was a swipe across not an actual stabbing." Sawyer answered.

Jack finished feeding Braden, burped him again and laid him in his playpen. He left the room and returned with a first aid kit in his hand.

"Lie down on the couch and unfasten your jeans so I can get to the wound." Jack ordered as he sat on the table in front of the couch and opened the first aid kit.

Sawyer did what Jack asked without making any sarcastic comments. He was in a lot of a pain and it appeared Jack was going to help him….again. Jack examined the wound, tugging at it gently and getting it to ooze, making Sawyer wince in pain.

"Easy doc." Sawyer growled.

"If you wanted easy Sawyer you should've went to a hospital when this happened. You needed stitches and now it's just a half-assed healed infected mess that's going to leave a pretty ugly scar if it doesn't kill you." Jack growled back.

"Can you do something?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah, I can clean the wound and bandage it and start you on antibiotics, but it's going to hurt like hell and I'm not in the mood for your shit so if you want me to help you it would best if you just shut up and take it like man." Jack warned.

"Still working on that bedside manner I see." Sawyer snarled.

"Shut up Sawyer. What is your problem? Do you want to die?" Jack asked having lost his patience with him.

"Well it ain't like I got what you got to live for doc." Sawyer replied.

"You had it Sawyer. You had a good job and a woman that loved you and you just pissed it all away." Jack lectured.

"Yeah well maybe the wrong woman was in love with me." Sawyer commented.

"You need to give that up Sawyer because if you start putting the moves on Kate again I'll kill you myself." Jack said as he pulled the wound open and began cleaning it, making Sawyer close his eyes and hiss against the pain.

"I had her you know. I had her first." Sawyer pushed.

"I know, she told me about it. You had her body Sawyer, but you never had her heart and you never will." Jack said.

"Yeah, that's what she told me, but I can't believe she actually told you about it." Sawyer commented.

"We try not to keep secrets from each other and she wasn't the only one that sought familiarity and comfort though sex during that ordeal so I guess everybody's even if anyone is actually keeping score." Jack admitted.

"No shit doc? Who'd you end up screwing?" Sawyer asked.

"I didn't screw anyone Sawyer. Juliet and I became close, but it didn't take her long to figure out that she could have my body every day if she wanted, but that my heart was with Kate so she helped me get back to you guys." Jack explained in a slow, calm tone as his memory took him back to a difficult time.

Jack finished bandaging Sawyer's wound and motioned for him to sit up. Sawyer sat up and rolled his eyes when Jack started pressing on the bruises on the right side of his chest.

"So was she as hot as she looked? What do you suppose happened to those freaks?" Sawyer asked.

Jack looked at him, clearly aggravated and sighed.

"She was a beautiful woman with a kind heart Sawyer that deserved more than I had to offer and I don't like to think about what might've happened to them. You should really get an x-ray of those ribs. Come by the hospital tomorrow and I'll set it up for you." Jack offered.

"Thanks doc, but hospitals ask too many questions. So how is Claire? Does she miss me?" Sawyer asked.

"She's fine. She's going to school and raising her son and you'll have to ask her if she misses you yourself." Jack told him.

"Must be nice to have a rich older brother to put you through school and take care of you." Sawyer said sarcastically.

"I'm not rich Sawyer and she takes care of herself. I'm going to write you a prescription for some antibiotics. Make sure you get it filled as soon as you leave here and start out with two immediately and then just one every day for next five days. If that wound doesn't start clearing up in a couple of days call me. I'll write you something for pain too. It's best if you just go to wherever it is you go and sleep and heal." Jack instructed.

"You really hate me don't you?" Sawyer asked.

"I don't hate you Sawyer, I just don't understand you. I miss the friendship we had briefly and can't figure out why you feel like you have to destroy every good thing that comes into your life." Jack explained.

"You hold a pretty high opinion of yourself there doc." Sawyer said sarcastically.

"I was referring to Claire and Aaron. She'd no doubt take you back so fast it'd make your head spin. All you'd have to do is clean your act up, but until you get your shit together I want you to stay away from my family. Are we clear?" Jack said.

"Crystal." Sawyer said as he snatched the prescription out of Jack's hand and showed himself out of the house.

Meanwhile in the food court of the local mall, the three shoppers sit and enjoy their favorite mall junk food. Claire and Julie were busy examining their newly pierced belly buttons and Kate was busy battling with herself over whether or not she should call Jack and check on him and the kids.

"Oh leave him be Kate, he's a doctor for crying out loud, I'm sure he can handle taking care of three small children." Claire insisted.

"I know, I just feel a little guilty. He hasn't had a lot of sleep and it's the only day off he's had in two weeks." Kate said.

"I can't believe you wimped out on the belly button piercing. It really wasn't that bad." Julie said.

"Is that why you squeezed my hand so tight I thought you were going to break it?" Kate teased her.

"Well, I didn't say it wasn't scary as hell, I just said it wasn't that painful." Julie laughed.

"Why'd you change your mind Kate?" Claire asked.

"I'll explain later." Kate said.

"What? You don't want to talk around the kid?" Julie protested.

"Okay, I didn't do it because I didn't want my stomach to be sore. Jack and I can finally enjoy one another again and I didn't want to put a damper on it." Kate admitted and giggled a little embarrassed by the admission.

"You couldn't just be on top for a few days?" Claire blurted out making all three of them laugh.

"I'm not going to share the intimate details of my love life with the two of you, but it's about more than who is on top. Okay?" Kate said and laughed again.

"She's right Claire. From the sounds of it they're all over the place." Julie teased making Kate choke on her drink.

"Julie!" Kate shrieked while Claire laughed and continued to laugh so hard she had tears streaming down her face.

"Don't be embarrassed Kate, you obviously really love him." Julie giggled.

"Okay we're sisters, we should talk about these things. So, I guess we're all ready to talk about sex and orgasms and how to please your man?" Kate said with a grin.

"Kate." Julie said her cheeks turning red.

"Oh so now it's embarrassing. I see how you are. So tell me about this new boyfriend you conned Jack into letting come by the house." Kate changed the subject quickly.

"He's really nice Kate and I think even Jack will like him." Julie said.

"He must a science geek if you think Jack will like him." Kate laughed.

"Actually he is." Julie said.

"Seriously?" Claire asked.

"He's my lab partner in chemistry class and it's a good thing because I would so be flunking that class without him. He asked me if I wanted to go out some time and I told him yes. Of course then I went to that stupid party and got myself in trouble so he might not want to go out with me after he finds out about all that." Julie said.

"Aw, you really like him don't you?" Kate said.

"I do. He's not like all those other jerky guys. He likes to talk to me and he hasn't even tried to kiss me. He's so smart, I could listen to him talk about stuff for hours." Julie said.

"Is he in the same grade as you? Does he have a name?" Kate asked.

"He's in the same grade as me, but he isn't 17 yet. His name is Cooper, but all the kids call him Coop. He plays football and baseball and he's in all those accelerated classes. He's really cute and I can't believe he actually wants to date me because he could probably have any girl in the whole school." Julie rambled on the excitement in her voice showing just how much she liked this boy.

"Why wouldn't he want to date you? You're beautiful and wait until he sees that new skirt and shirt you bought today." Kate said.

"I'm not that beautiful, not like you Kate." Julie said.

"Julie you are your own kind of beautiful and trust me, it's every bit as striking as Kate's beauty." Claire told her.

"You don't think the skirt is too short? Jack said my outfits are screaming that I want to get laid." Julie said making Kate and Claire laugh.

"Jack would love that skirt on Kate, we'd have to get him a bib for the drool." Claire said.

"You'd never know it by the way he reacts to my clothes." Julie groaned.

"Well, he'd rather keep you plain and boring and your entire body covered up so the boys won't be drooling over you. He's kind of a prude in that respect." Kate said.

"It's a good thing Riley is going to have you around as a buffer or she'd never be allowed to be in style." Julie complained.

"Don't be too hard on him Julie, it's in his nature to be protective and that's really all he's doing, trying to protect you. He knows what goes on in the minds of 17 year old boys because he used to be one." Kate explained.

The three finished their snack and shopped for a couple of more hours, deciding to call it a day so Kate would stop obsessing over Jack and the kids. They arrived home around 5 PM and the house was eerily quiet considering there were two small children and an infant inside some place. Kate called out to Jack once as they walked toward the family room. Kate stopped just outside the safety gate and motioned for Claire and Julie to be quiet and come look.

Inside the family room where empty baby bottles, discarded snacks and safety cups and toys were strewn about, lay a pallet of blankets and pillows in the middle of the mess. Jack lay flat on his back in the middle of the pallet with Braden sleeping soundly on his chest while Riley slept soundly curled up in the space between his right arm and chest just below his shoulder and Aaron slept soundly curled up in the same space on his left side. Jack too was sleeping soundly and the three women stood outside the doorway watching them sleep for a moment before walking away and into the kitchen.

"He looks exhausted and did you see that room?" Claire laughed.

"Yeah he looks like he's had a hell of a day. I feel a little guilty." Kate said.

"Kate, if he didn't want to do it he wouldn't have offered, besides now he's gotten a taste of what your days are like." Julie said.

"I know, but he works really hard and maybe he deserves a break too." Kate said.

"Kate, he gets out among people every day. Maybe spending time with his family is what he considers a break." Claire offered.

"I guess. He just looks so sweet with all those kids sleeping on him. It makes me want to do something nice for him." Kate said.

"Oh god you two are so sickening sometimes." Julie said rolling her eyes.

"They are aren't they?" Claire giggled.

"Hey since I'm grounded and can't go anywhere, how about I baby sit tonight and you and prince charming can go out and do whatever it is you do when you go out." Julie offered.

"That's sweet Julie, but Riley and an infant are a handful." Kate refused.

"I'll stay here with her. It's the least I can do and it's not like have this great social life to get to or anything." Claire said.

"Are you sure you guys? It would be great to go out some place, just the two of us." Kate said.

"Yes we're sure. Go wake sleeping beauty up and Julie and I will pick up a bit. We can order pizza and watch movies later." Claire suggested.

They sat in the dimly lit restaurant sipping wine and talking quietly. Jack looked a little tired, but relaxed, his eyes seeming to smolder in the lights of the restaurant. They'd decided on dressing up and enjoying one of Jack's favorite places, a place he'd frequented so often they knew exactly which table to seat him at. It was an upscale establishment that was quiet and private and he liked to escape there after a difficult surgery and also during the times he was single or in the middle of becoming single again. He sipped his wine and stared at her, mesmerized by her beauty, a look of pure contentment and a hint lust on his face. She smiled at him and waved her hand in front of his face.

"You better come back down to earth and eat all of those vegetables because I plan on keeping you up all night long." She teased and moved her shoeless foot up the inside thigh of his pant leg, brushing gently over his crotch letting it come to rest on the chair between his legs.

"So I guess if I don't eat all my vegetables that means you won't get any dessert?" He asked in a teasing sexy tone as he took hold of her foot, placed it on top of his thigh and began rubbing it.

"That's right and you know how I hate to be denied dessert." She said and giggled, the wine making her a little looser as the evening went along.

"Kate, did you know there is a pressure point in your foot that is in direct connection with your…" He said with an ornery grin as he attempted to maintain his hold on the foot she was trying to pull away from him.

"Let go of my foot Jack, please." She pleaded.

"No. I don't think so. Not until I show you that spot." He said as he gently pressed on the spot on her foot and she felt the tingling in her crotch.

"Oh my God, it really works." She said almost too loud.

"Shh. Of course it does, but let's not let the whole restaurant in on it." He laughed and pressed in a rotating motion on the spot again causing her to bite her bottom lip.

"Okay Jack, this isn't funny anymore, please let go of my foot before I embarrass us." She pleaded.

"You have to come sit by me if I do." He teased.

"What for?" She asked.

"I just want to play for a little while." He said with a grin.

"Jack you've had too much wine I think. There's no way, not in here." She protested.

"Nobody will see Kate. The tablecloths go almost to the floor. Just come sit by me and share some wine. Come on, I've just spent an entire day in babysitting hell and just want to have a little fun. Where's your sense of adventure?" He said and winked at her again as he pushed over the spot on her foot once more.

She moved over into the chair beside him and pushed it up next to his. He put his right arm around her and poured wine into both their glasses with his left hand. They lifted their wineglasses.

"I'm planning on keeping you up all night long too." He said with a warm smile and sipped his wine.

"Oh really? Got anything special planned?" She asked before sipping her wine and setting it back down.

He set his wineglass on the table and let his left hand drop into his lap, under the table where nobody could see. He pulled her closer and kissed her passionately while sliding his hand up inside of her skirt. She wouldn't give him the space he needed to slip his fingers in through the crotch of her panties so he kissed her harder, pushing her back just enough to cause her slide down in her chair some. He pulled out of the kiss and smiled at her.

"Relax. Nobody is watching. It's dark and people are interested in the food in front of them not what I'm after." Jack said with an ornery, but sexy grin, his eyes focused on nothing but her.

"You're crazy you know that?" She giggled.

"Am I? Do you want me to stop?" He teased.

"No." She said and kissed him again.

He kissed her back, pulled out of it and smiled at her as his hand began slowly pulling her panties down. Her eyes got big when she realized what he was doing and she started to protest.

"Shh. Trust me." He said, as he stayed close to her, making it look like they were having an intense face-to-face conversation.

He slowly worked the panties off of her hips and thighs and down one leg and the other. He slipped them into the pocket of his pants and shot her a grin of complete satisfaction. He was about to move his hand back under her skirt when the waiter approached. He kept his right arm around the back of her chair and brought his left hand up to wave him off.

"We're fine for now. I'll call you if we need anything, otherwise just put it on my tab and be sure to include a nice tip for yourself." He told the waiter who filled their water glasses, topped off their wineglasses and left them alone.

He moved closer to her and kissed her again. She felt his hand move up inside of her skirt, nudge her legs apart and slowly move one finger up and down her slit, the wetness increasing with every stroke. She wanted him inside of her so she slid her hips to the edge of the chair and relaxed for him.

He talked softly in her ear as he continued to slowly swirl his fingers over her.

"You are so hot. I haven't told you that lately, but you are the sexiest, hottest woman I have ever known." Jack whispered in her ear, his hand continuing to work over her slowly, numbing her mind and her senses.

Kate found she could no longer speak. Her head was swimming from the wine and from the intense excitement radiating from her loin. She could feel his fingertip moving over the swelling bulb as he told her how he loved to have that part of her on the tip of his tongue, the sound of his voice making her moan softly. He finally pushed his middle finger in as deep as he could and she clamped her legs around his arm for a few seconds, panting slightly, trying to maintain her composure, but finding it difficult not to scream out at the top of her lungs that she absolutely loved this man, not to mention what he was currently doing to her.

She finally released the grip she had on him and he began moving his finger in and out slowly, maintaining his position beside her. He continued talking to her in a soft, breathy sexy tone the entire time, describing what he was doing to her and what he was planning on doing with her the rest of the evening. She let out a slight whimper and he kissed her quickly.

"No screaming. Okay?" He whispered with a light laugh and god that laugh was so sexy, everything thing about him was sexy and she felt like she might burst if she couldn't let him and the rest of the world know how incredibly sexy he was.

"Jack, I need, oh god you're so…." She managed to pant probably a little louder than she meant to and he covered her mouth with his again, kissing her deeply, his entire mouth swallowing her while his hand continued to pleasure her and he didn't care who was watching, happy to be with a woman who didn't mind being shown more than just a quick peck on the lips in public.

Kate was so turned on and Jack found what he was doing to her to be more intoxicating than the finest wine the establishment had to offer. He could feel her gripping his leg with one hand and knew she was close to climaxing. He continued kissing her, moving his tongue in and out of her mouth hungrily as she let loose of the orgasm and did so without screaming one time. He softened his kiss as her climax bottomed out and finally took his mouth away from hers.

"Are you okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Are you ready to go home?" She asked her face slightly flushed her mind obviously still not back from where he'd just taken her.

They both looked around the restaurant. Nobody seemed to have noticed them fooling around in their corner of the establishment. He still had his hand covering her, still inside of her, the hunger in his eyes telling her he wanted more.

"I'm ready if you are, but don't you think you should put your panties on first?" He teased.

He helped her slip the panties back on as secretly as he had slipped them off of her. They stood to leave and he gently pulled on her arm. She turned to look at him.

"Stay in front of me okay?" He asked.

She started to question his request and then looked down at his pants. She smiled at him and stepped in front of him.

"That's pretty impressive Jack." She giggled as he escorted her though the restaurant.

"Impressive wasn't the word I was thinking of, but if you say so." He commented his voice revealing how turned on he was.

"Jack, I really need to use the restroom. Can we stop?" She asked.

"I guess." He agreed in obvious discomfort making her giggle.

They stopped in front of the door that said "Ladies" and she opened the door, looked around, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in with her.

"Kate, what are you doing?" He laughed.

"It's designed for one person for privacy, but also for two people for some fooling around." She answered and locked the door.

"You realize that if we get caught we'll never be able to come back here again." He said as she began unfastening his belt.

"You spend so much money in this place you should have your own personal bathroom by now. They aren't going to say a word whether we get caught or not." She argued and finished unfastening his pants, his erection showing itself like she had just hit the magic chord on a jack-in-the box.

She pulled his pants and boxers away from him and slid them down to his knees. With both hands holding firmly to his butt she looked up at him and he smiled at her. Still holding onto his butt she slithered up and kissed him, giving him a taste of how hot and juicy her mouth was before slithering back down and taking him into her mouth, staggering him a bit.

He braced himself against the sink and she continued on, taking him in as deep as she could and swirling her tongue over the hard, pulsating appendage. She pulled her mouth away and flicked her tongue gently over the engorged head, expecting him to release uncontrollably at any second based on physical appearance, but he seemed to be in control. She stopped and moved back up to face him, while one hand gently massaged his swollen balls.

"Wow." Was all she could manage.

"Wow?" He said.

"I don't want to embarrass you sweetie, but that's quite a package you're sporting at the moment." She said softly and kissed him before he could respond.

She could feel him unzipping her skirt and decided to help him and stepped out of it. He slid her panties off her for the second time that evening and moved his hand over her crotch. She was ready for him and he smiled at her. He turned her around and she braced her hands on the wall a little apprehensive that he might lunge into her as turned on as he was, but he didn't. He took his time and allowed her to accept him on her terms and once he was completely inside of her he put his hands on her hips and began moving in and out of her with slow, deep strokes that were sending him to edge, but not over. He continued on, both of them groaning, but neither sure how loud. After a few minutes he began moving faster and harder per her demands, but relief wouldn't come for either one of them. He finally pulled out, turned her around to face him, picked her up, held her up between him and the wall, pushed himself as deep inside of her as he could and lunged hard at her, making her scream on the 3rd lunge. He clamped his hand over her mouth and kept going until both of them were finished.

He lifted her off of him and set her down gently. He put one hand on the wall to support himself and they both looked at each other and started laughing until he finally reached out and pulled her to him and hugged her and kissed her and hugged her some more.

"I love you so much. That was incredible." He said as he continued to hold onto her.

"I love you too." She said as she returned the hug, her face buried in his neck, enjoying the faint scent of his cologne.

They held onto one another until they calmed down. They freshened up some, dressed and walked out of the restaurant neither really sure if people were talking or not. They didn't care. They decided to walk the sidewalks for awhile, clear their heads from the affects of the wine and the sex.

"So Jack, how many women have you had bathroom sex with?" Kate giggled.

"If we're talking strictly restaurant bathrooms you'd be the first I think." Jack answered.

"You think? You don't know?" Kate laughed.

"Well, I have been known to have too much to drink in the past so I can't really swear to it, but you'd be the only one worth remembering anyway." Jack told her and kissed her gently.

"If you got me pregnant again I'm going to have to perform that vasectomy myself." Kate warned him.

"We did get careless again didn't we? After today Kate, I think I'd perform that vasectomy on myself. I don't know how you deal with that every day." Jack groaned.

"Well, I don't normally have an active, curious 13 month old to deal with so it's not nearly as insane as what you experienced today." Kate told him.

"You forgot to add that the 13 month old had severe digestive issues on top of being active and curious. I never would've imagined something that small and cute could produce something that smelled that bad." Jack complained.

"Poor thing, I hope he's feeling better tonight." Kate said.

"Kate, trust me, anyone that relieves their body of that much, well…crap has got to be feeling better." Jack stressed making her laugh, the idea of him up to his elbows in shitty diapers amusing to her.

"Why was Sawyer over today Jack?" Kate asked.

"How'd you know?" Jack asked.

"He left his sunglasses and his jacket in the kitchen." Kate said.

"Oh, I guess that means he has to come back then." Jack mumbled.

"That's it? You're not going to talk to me about it?" Kate asked.

"No, I'm having too good of a time to ruin it by talking about Sawyer. What about you? Do you really want to end this perfectly wonderful, sexy evening by starting a fight?" Jack asked.

"Okay, you win, but tomorrow you have to tell me and you have to spill about why you've been so preoccupied lately." Kate ordered.

"You're so bossy and it's such a turn on, want to go home and boss me around some more?" He teased.

She laughed and kissed him allowing him to wrap his arm tighter around her, pulling her so close he was almost doing all the walking for both of them.


	40. Chapter 40

Jack woke to warm, soft kisses being strategically placed over his chest and abdomen. It took a few seconds for him to get his bearings, remember where he was. He and Kate had come home from their dinner and gone to bed around 10 PM. The last thing he could remember was that Kate was going to feed Braden and he was going to wait up for her. However, the long day, the wine and the sex lulled his exhausted mind and body in a deep sleep very quickly and now he lay feeling her warm mouth move over him, wondering how long he'd been asleep. He looked down and gently nudged her until she slowly slithered back up his belly and chest and kissed him on the mouth.

"Good morning sleepy head." She said in a soft, seductive voice.

"Morning?" Jack asked.

"It's 6 AM and you have to get up to get ready for work pretty soon so I thought start your day out on a positive note." Kate told him and kissed him again.

"I guess I didn't wait up for you huh?" He chuckled.

"No, but that's okay, I enjoyed falling asleep watching you sleep so peacefully." Kate said.

"I didn't help with the baby either. I'm sorry Kate, I guess I let myself get overtired." He apologized.

"Our wonderful son slept through the night for the first time so I didn't need any help. I just fed him and he's sound asleep again so what do you say, feel like being a little naughty before you trudge off to another day of sick people?" Kate asked kissing him again and rubbing her naked body against him.

"Hmm, I don't know, do I want to sleep for another hour or spend an hour wrapped up with you? That's a hard decision." He teased.

Kate moved her hand down his chest and abdomen and took hold of his penis. He was aroused and semi-erect and let out a light laugh when she took hold of him, finding her aggressiveness amusing for some reason.

"It's not hard yet, but I bet I can fix that real quick." She purred before closing her mouth over his again and working her hand up and down over his penis a little too eagerly making him pull back from her some, clamping his hand over hers, stilling the motion and making her understand that she was about to cross the line between pleasure and pain.

He let go of her hand and she slowed down, bringing him to a full erection quickly. He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, moving his hand down between her legs, finding that she was already wet and waiting for him, making him moan. He pulled her hand away and rolled her onto her back, working himself between her legs. She took hold of him, putting him into position, bucking her hips up toward him seemingly almost out of control with lust. He stopped and placed his palm gently on her stomach.

"I love the enthusiasm Kate, but if you don't settle down some babe you're going to break it." He explained his tone breathy and somewhat confused by her overly aggressive behavior.

He pushed inside her and she took hold of his butt, pushing him closer and then clenching around him, allowing him to back out briefly and then shoving him back down again, making him suck in his breath, finding the action more painful than anything else. He over powered her and pulled out and away from her.

"Kate, what hell is this?" Jack asked completely exasperated with her actions.

"Stop with the innocent act Jack." Kate snapped.

"What act? What are you talking about?" Jack asked.

"You don't remember waking up in the middle of the night, entering me hard, pumping into me like a mad man who couldn't get enough, which was great right up until you called me Sarah!" Kate yelled.

Jack was stunned. Had he really had sex with Kate in the middle of the night and called her Sarah and had no memory of it.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I must've been dreaming." Jack said.

"Apparently you were dreaming about fucking your ex-wife. Why is that Jack? Could it be because you are fucking her?" Kate snarled and hit him with the pillow.

"It was just once Kate, I don't know what happened, but I swear it was just once. I love you more Kate." Jack pleaded.

"Bullshit! You don't get to love me more you son-of-a-bitch! You either love me or you love her, but not both of us. Get out of my bed you make me sick!" Kate yelled.

"No please, I'm sorry Kate. I'm sorry." Jack pleaded.

"Jack, look at me." Kate said.

Jack's eyes popped open. His skin was clammy, his brain confused, his breathing labored. Kate was looking at him, concerned and a little scared.

"What, what's happening? Where am I?" Jack asked his brain still not fully conscious.

"You're in your bed Jack, you were dreaming or I guess having quite a nightmare. Are you okay?" Kate asked genuinely concerned.

"Huh, yeah, I'm okay. What time is it?" Jack asked.

"It's just after midnight. You fell asleep while I was feeding Braden. Do you want to talk about it?" Kate asked noticing how shaken he was.

Jack looked at her and wished he could tell her, but he was afraid she'd hate him for it so he shut down and she saw it in his eyes immediately. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close to him until her head was resting on the left side of his chest. His heart was beating very fast and she wondered what could've been so scary, but decided not to push it. She knew the things that scared Jack the most weren't typically the monsters that most of us fear and that whatever it was still scared him too much to verbalize it.

"I'm sorry I woke you. It must've been the wine. I've never been much of a wine drinker." Jack lied.

"It's okay." Kate said and noticed his hold on her tightened as if she might be taken away if he didn't hold onto her.

He continued to hold her until she fell asleep. He faked his own sleep so she'd stop worrying and go back to sleep. He knew that after that dream he wouldn't be sleeping much the rest of the night so he slipped out of bed and went downstairs. He walked straight to the liquor cabinet, pulled out a bottle of whiskey and filled a shot glass. He emptied the shot glass into his mouth and swallowed, grimacing against the burn. He followed with another shot before taking the bottle and the shot glass into the family room with him.

Kate woke to Braden's whimpering around 6 AM. She noticed Jack was gone, looked toward the bathroom and saw it was dark. She could see the alarm was still set and switched it off before moving off the bed and into the nursery. She changed the baby quickly, picked him up and headed downstairs with him to warm up a bottle. She passed by the family room, saw the television was on and could see Jack on the couch. She continued on to the kitchen, warmed the bottle and walked back into the family room to check on Jack. She saw the half empty bottle of whiskey and the shot glass and sighed. She pulled a blanket out of a closet in the hallway, threw it over Jack and headed back up to the nursery with Braden.

Kate sat in the rocking chair in the nursery and fed the baby, amazed at how much he seemed to change every day. He was easily her greatest accomplishment in life so far and she couldn't be prouder and never would've believed she could love anyone or anything as much as she loved her baby. She'd heard people say they loved their children more than their last breath, but until now never understood what that meant. She loved her baby's father more than she ever believed she could love another human being and it hurt her to see him once again struggling emotionally, so much so he'd drank himself into oblivion. She thought about the first time she met Jack and how she was convinced he was the strongest, most together person she'd ever met and she laughed lightly.

"Your daddy is very strong, but he sure is a mess. A person has to endure a lifetime of emotional manipulation and abuse to become such a mess, trust me I know. I wish that I could do for him what he's done for me in that respect, but I don't know how to heal him Braden. I guess we'll just have to keep loving him and hope the scars continue to fade." Kate said as she rocked him slowly and fed him his bottle.

Kate felt a presence in the room and looked up. Jack was standing in the doorway, looking like ten miles of bad road. He walked toward her and Kate could smell the whiskey when he got within three feet of her. He leaned in and kissed the baby on the head and then kissed Kate on the forehead.

"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me Kate so please don't worry about me, I'm fine. It was a bad dream that shook me up, but I'm fine." Jack insisted.

"No you're not. You're either still drunk or severely hung over. That's not fine Jack, that's allowing whatever it is that's been bothering you since he was born to eat you alive." Kate argued.

"I'm going to call the hospital, tell them to get someone to cover for me and then I'm going to go throw up and go back to bed. We'll talk later." Jack said.

"Is that a promise?" Kate asked.

"I promise." Jack mumbled and walked away.

"There is nothing you could tell me that would make me stop loving you Jack. I hope that some day you will be able to believe that." Kate said as he walked away.

Jack didn't respond. He left the room and entered his own bedroom. He decided to throw up before he called the hospital. He finally stripped down to his underwear and relaxed into the bed. He thought about what Kate had said to him and how many times in his life he'd heard words similar to that and wondered if he'd ever know them to actually be true. His stomach hurt and his head hurt and he couldn't think about how hard he seemed to be trying to fuck up yet another relationship in his life any longer and finally fell asleep, the little helpers he had stashed in the bathroom helping his brain and his body to relax.

Kate finished feeding Braden and rocked him and talked to him until he fell asleep again. She put him in his crib, checked on Riley and decided to take a shower while both of the little ones were still sleeping. She entered the bedroom and found Jack sprawled out on the bed, sleeping very deep and very hard, but he didn't look peaceful. He looked troubled even in sleep and she couldn't imagine what could be so bad considering all that they'd been through together up to this point. She covered him with the comforter and kissed him on the cheek.

Kate entered the bathroom, saw the bottle of pills on the counter and looked at the label. It was valium and she guessed Jack must've taken it to shut his brain down.

"Great Jack, alcohol and pills, are you trying to destroy yourself?" Kate mumbled and put the pill bottle on a high shelf.

Kate and Julie were sitting in the family room with Riley and Braden when the doorbell rang. Kate handed the baby to Julie so she could answer the door. She looked through the window and was surprised to see the familiar blonde on the other side of the door. She opened the door and stepped outside closing the door behind her.

"It's okay Kate, I'm not here to start trouble, I just need to talk to Jack for a few minutes. I went by the hospital, but they said he wasn't in today." Sarah said.

"He's asleep, but I can give him a message." Kate said.

"Asleep at this time of day, is he sick?" Sarah asked knowing Jack wasn't one to waste much of his day sleeping.

"Yeah he is." Kate said.

"He and I had spent some time together when your son was born and I've been doing some thinking since that day and I wanted to discuss a few things with him." Sarah said.

"He told me about that. I'm really sorry Sarah, about the baby and about Riley. I know you must miss her terribly." Kate said.

"You have no idea Kate." Sarah said softly.

"Sarah, did something happen that day?" Kate asked.

"Like what?" Sarah asked.

"I don't know, something that would upset Jack." Kate said.

"We were visiting our dead baby's grave, it was an upsetting day Kate." Sarah replied in an angry almost haughty tone.

"Of course, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." Kate said.

"Kate he's moody and he's often distant so get used to it, that's part of being Jack's wife." Sarah told her the comment dripping with resentment.

"No Sarah it isn't. Caring enough to get him to tell me why he's feeling moody and distant is part of being his wife. Contrary to popular belief, he's not a machine." Kate shot back.

"A machine is exactly what he is Kate. He can be sweet and kind and loving and flip a switch and become cold and distant in an instant. Jack doesn't get the concept of a relationship, of sharing, of having a priority beyond his career. Even sex becomes routine and machine-like after awhile." Sarah said the last part making Kate laugh.

"Sarah it takes two people to make a relationship work. Jack is a human-being who can't be sweet and loving and kind all the time. He's allowed to have bad days and bad moods just like anyone else and trust me sex with Jack is anything but routine, but I guess if you allow yourself to get bored with it and just lay there it might seem that way." Kate said.

"It's very sweet how you defend him and you know he really seems happy so I hope it all works out for you guys. I didn't come here to pick a fight with you or to trash Jack." Sarah said.

"Yet, you did just that." Kate said.

"I need to talk to him about this situation with Riley." Sarah said.

"I will tell him you stopped by and have him call you." Kate offered.

"Can I just see her for five minutes, please." Sarah pleaded.

"I can't Sarah, she's Jack's daughter and I have to respect his wishes and he says no." Kate said.

"Fine, tell him to call me as soon as he can." Sarah said and turned to leave.

Kate stood outside the door and watched Sarah get into her car and drive away. The legal situation with Riley was still unresolved, both determined to have full custody with no visitation for the other. Kate understood why Jack wanted to keep Sarah out of Riley's life, but she wasn't sure she agreed with him. She shrugged her shoulders and walked back into the house.

Kate sat beside Julie on the couch and sighed. It was after 2 PM and Jack was still sleeping. In all the time she'd known him she couldn't remember a time when he'd slept for that long.

"What's up with Jack? Is he sick?" Julie asked.

"Yeah, he downed a half a bottle of whiskey during the night so he's pretty sick." Kate said her tone suggesting she didn't approve.

"Did you guys have a fight or something?" Julie asked.

"No, he had a bad dream, something that really freaked him out and I guess after I went back to sleep he snuck down here and drank until he passed out." Kate said.

"Are you mad at him?" Julie asked.

"I'm more worried than mad sweetie." Kate said smiling at her and brushing her hand gently over Julie's arm.

"He's going to be okay isn't he? I mean, he's not going to start drinking all the time or anything right?" Julie asked in a somewhat sad, worried tone.

Kate hugged her and tried to reassure her.

"I think he'll be fine Julie, he's just dealing with something that scares him right now." Kate said.

"I didn't think anything scared Jack. Are you scared too?" Julie asked.

"Julie, we are going to be fine honey, don't worry. Okay?" Kate answered.

"Everything is so great for you Kate and you deserve that, I don't want you to ever be scared and unhappy again." Julie said as her eyes filled with tears.

"I am very happy Julie and I'm not scared. I've got a great husband, two wonderful children and I have my baby sister back in my life. Everything will be fine. Jack is just having a bad day, but he's allowed. Right?" Kate said understanding immediately what was really upsetting Julie and trying to reassure the young girl that her world wasn't about to be turned upside down again.

"Do you know what the worst thing about the fights Jack and me have is?" Julie asked.

"What's that?" Kate asked.

"He's so nice Kate and I'm really awful to him sometimes and I know it hurts his feelings. That makes me feel worse than the punishment, but I can't stop myself. Will you please tell him I'm sorry he's having a bad day and give him a hug for me?" Julie said.

Kate hugged her again and they both giggled when the baby made squeaking noises in protest of being trapped in-between them.

"I think I'm going to go upstairs and put this one down for his nap and check on Jack. Can you watch Riley for me?" Kate asked.

"Sure. I'll read to her and see if she'll take a nap too." Julie said.

Kate took Braden upstairs, fed him a bottle and laid him in his crib. He looked as though he'd drift off to sleep so she took the baby monitor with her and left to go check on Jack. She entered the bedroom and Jack was awake. He was lying on his back staring up at the ceiling, looking a little less rough than he did earlier that morning. He heard her enter the room and turned his gaze to her briefly before returning his eyes to the ceiling. She climbed onto the bed and snuggled up beside him. He put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey yourself, feeling better?" Kate asked.

"Not really, but at least my stomach isn't turning itself inside out anymore." He answered.

"I think you need a nice, long, hot bath and this time I will do all the pampering." Kate said and sat up. Jack grabbed her arm gently.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"To run you a bath." She replied.

"Kate, wait, I don't deserve to pampered." He argued.

"Why is that? Did you do something that I'm not going to like?" Kate asked.

"Yes, but not on purpose." Jack admitted.

"Okay then, let's go soak in a hot tub and you can tell me all about it." Kate said and pulled away from him before he had a chance to object.

Kate filled the large Jacuzzi tub with steaming hot water and walked into the bedroom to retrieve Jack. He was sitting up, rubbing his temples looking like he was trying to decide if he might be sick again. She approached him and took hold of his hands, pulling him to a standing position. She put her hands inside the waistband of his underwear and pushed them down his legs. He didn't flinch. He simply stepped out of them and walked toward the bathroom. She met him beside the tub, completely nude and ready to climb in with him. For the first time that day he managed a hint of a smile.

He motioned for her to step in first so he could follow and she refused, forcing him to step in front of her. They eased themselves into the steaming water, him in front of her sitting between her legs. She pulled him backward until his head was resting on her chest and began slowly moving the sponge over his chest and shoulders, lightly caressing the side of his face, bending down to kiss his temple before relaxing into the side of the tub, content to hold him close to her.

"Talk to me Jack. Tell me what awful thing you've done." Kate said.

"Kate, do you love Sawyer?" Jack asked.

"What?" Kate asked in a shocked tone, that being the last thing she expected to hear.

"You slept together and I know you well enough to know that it most likely meant something to you. Do you think you can love two people at the same time?" Jack asked.

"Jack, I feel something for Sawyer and probably always will, but its nothing like what I feel for you. I don't want to sleep with him and I'm a little hurt that you think I would do that to you." Kate said.

"I don't or at least I don't think I do." Jack said.

"Jack would you please tell me what is going on with you?" Kate pleaded.

"Kate, that day I fell asleep on Sarah's couch I had a dream, a very real dream. She wanted me and I wanted her and I didn't just fuck her in the dream Kate, I made love to her and I don't understand why I dreamed it or what it means." Jack admitted sadly.

"Do you want to sleep with her Jack?" Kate asked.

"No. I don't want to screw up the most happiness I've ever known." Jack answered.

"So it's not that you don't want to sleep with her, it's that you don't want to cheat on me?" Kate asked.

"I hadn't thought about it like that, but I suppose if she came onto me that would be the one thing that would make me push her away. Kate, do you think I'm just the type of person that purposely destroys relationships, that maybe I just don't want to be happy?" Jack asked.

"No, I think if you didn't want this you wouldn't have been moping around for the last five and a half weeks. I think it's better for you if you admit you still have feelings for Sarah instead of trying to pretend there's nothing left there but resentment or hate because you don't do either one of those emotions well." Kate said.

"So you aren't mad? It doesn't bother you that I still have feelings for my ex-wife and vice-versa? Kate, that's crazy and I'm not worthy of that kind of love and understanding." Jack sighed.

Kate wrapped her arms around him tighter and leaned in close to his ear.

"You listen to me Jack Shephard. You are worthy of all the love and understanding I have to give and some day you are going to accept that I love you no matter what and that your children and Julie love you no matter what and that none of us want anything in return but your love and understanding. As for Sarah, of course it bothers me that you two still have feelings for each other the same way that it bothers you that Sawyer is still in love with me. I'd knock that bitch out if she ever tried to seduce you, but jesus Jack I'm not going to go crazy and act stupid and expect you to shut off your feelings for the woman that stole your heart first. You wouldn't be you if you could turn your emotions on and off like that and I doubt I'd find you nearly as loveable if you could." Kate explained almost scolding him.

"I'm sorry Kate. I felt so guilty about that dream. It was an emotional day. I love you more Kate though, I love you like I've never loved anyone and I would never do anything to hurt you, I swear." Jack said.

"I believe you Jack. I've always believed in you and it's so frustrating that you an't believe in us." Kate complained.

"I do believe in us Kate." Jack defended himself.

"No you don't Jack because if you did you wouldn't be so afraid that you'd turn to alcohol and pills instead of me." Kate said making no attempt to mask the anger and hurt that his shutting down like that causes.

"I'm sorry, old habits die hard I guess. I guess it's about time I stopped being the asshole making all the demands about not running and being honest and practice what I preach." He said.

"So, was that what you were dreaming about last night?" Kate asked.

"No, last night I dreamed you found out about the other dream and you weren't happy about it." Jack explained.

"Really? What did I do?" Kate asked.

"You tried to bust my balls, literally and then you called me names and kicked me out of bed and then I woke up." Jack told her.

"Kicked you out of bed? That is a nightmare." Kate teased making him chuckle lightly.

"I'm sorry I got so drunk." Jack apologized.

"I'm sorry you did too. You could save your body a lot of unnecessary suffering though if you'd just talk to me instead." Kate said and nibbled lightly on his ear.

He rolled over in the water so he was facing her, his arms on either side of her propping him up.

"That's true, but then I wouldn't be laying in this giant Jacuzzi tub about to make love to you." Jack said and kissed her.

"Oh, speaking of Sarah, she came by earlier, she needs to talk to you." Kate told him as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him some more.

"I don't want to talk about Sarah right now. I don't want to talk at all." Jack said in a soft, sexy tone as he began moving his mouth over her neck and shoulders.


	41. Chapter 41

Kate lay on her back, head propped up on the pillows, arms relaxed on either side of her head enjoying the feel of his body hovering over hers, his mouth currently moving from one breast to the other, sucking the nipples into his mouth, biting them gently as she squirmed below him, the hair on his chest lightly tickling her exposed flesh, his erection moving lightly over her hip bone making her wish he'd enter her and love her until they both had nothing left.

He'd lifted her from the steamy bath and carried her to the bed, both of them still dripping wet, their skin slightly pink from the hot water, the warmth of her skin making him want to taste every inch of her. As she lay beneath him, gasping as his mouth moved between her legs and over her warm, wet crotch she thought briefly of Sarah's description of him in the bedroom and wondered if the woman ever bothered to enjoy this man and all the passion and playfulness he could bring to the bedroom.

She grabbed either side of his head and clinched her legs tightly around him, coming so hard she wasn't sure she was going to stop, panting and sighing and holding his head in place as her hips rocked slowly, enjoying the waves of pleasure he was bringing to her. She settled and he slowly moved back up her body, taking his time, kissing as much of her flesh as he could before finally covering her mouth with his and kissing her, his mouth wet and hungry while remaining tender and sweet.

She rolled him over onto his back and began moving down his chest, her mouth and tongue licking and kissing as she inched further down, she felt his tip touching her chin and she looked up at him smiling. He smiled back at her and she sat up on her knees, taking him by the hands and encouraging him to sit up. He never resisted or argued with her because he usually benefited from whatever was on her mind. She kissed him on the mouth and smiled at him.

"You like to watch don't you?" She asked in a taunting, sexy tone.

"Yeah." He admitted and watched as she lowered her head and took all of him into her mouth.

"Jesus Kate." He panted as she moved her mouth up and down, stopping occasionally to hold him in her hand while she made eye contact with him and licked his head like a lollipop, the look of satisfaction and enjoyment on her face making him harder, making the head swell as her lips gently pursed over it, teasing him while welcoming him to come if he wanted to.

He watched her intently, enjoying being with a woman that liked to give head that didn't do it because she felt like she had to, that didn't approach it as a chore, but something that excited her and sometimes, just like now would make her come, her pussy gliding gently over his leg as she moved her mouth over him. She moaned and squealed just a little and the orgasm rushed through her, the vibrations on his cock nearly putting him over the edge, but she held him off knowing he wanted more, wanted to make it last as long as possible.

She moved away from him and sat up on her knees. She moved slowly toward him, straddling him and eventually connecting fully with him, hip to hip, stomach to stomach, chest to chest, his hands firmly on her waist just above the hip bones and her arms around his neck. They kissed, opening their mouths to each other, tasting themselves on the other's tongue and hungrily pushing closer together, grinding their hips tighter, impaled by him, feeling him throb and twitch inside of her and her warm, slippery walls gently clenching around him, making him want to move within her, but not wanting to let go of her so they could.

He slowly lay back taking her with him and then turned them on their sides, guiding her leg up over his hip, pushing deeper into her as he did so. She kissed him again and he began to slowly move in and out of her never speeding up or slowing down just continuing with calm steady thrusts that eventually made her clench around him again, wrap her arms around his shoulders and pant into his ear, holding him as close as she could, coming all over him and making him smile as he felt her wetness increase the warmth swallowing his cock, his own need becoming urgent.

He rolled her onto her back and she wrapped her legs around him. He pushed in as far as he could and looked at her.

"One more, last one I promise." He coaxed seeing the exhausted pleasure all over face.

He moved in and out of her at a rapid pace, keeping her legs wrapped around him and pounding at the area he'd become familiar with, knowing this spot was where her pleasure derived from, once he'd found it the first time they made love he'd made it his personal quest to bring that particular spot to life as much as she could stand. He could feel her clenching again and smiled at her, slowing down and driving into her with long, slow hard strokes that eventually brought the orgasm out of her, making her stiffen all over, eyes closed tight, head rolling from side to side as she hissed through clenched teeth. He let go, spilling his seed, his body jerking against hers and then finally stilling.

He collapsed on top of her, folding his arms underneath him to support his weight. Kate's face was flushed and blissful. God he loved her so much and always would. As the moment settled and they stayed together, him buried deep inside her neither in any hurry to move they locked their mouths together in on final sensual kiss before he finally moved off of her. He pulled her close to him and let her cuddle next to him the way she liked to do, neither wanting to move, enjoying the intimacy of the moment.

"Was she good in bed?" Kate asked breaking the silence.

"What?" Jack asked in a confused tone.

"Sarah, was she good in bed?" Kate asked again.

"Kate, I don't think…." Jack started to argue.

"You don't think you should compare us? Oh, I think you probably should because while I'm being understanding about your wet dream I need to know what it is about Sarah that keeps you interested." Kate said.

"I'm not interested Kate, that's what was so crazy about it. I don't look at Sarah and think 'man I'd love to hit that again just one more time', it's the furthest thing from my mind." Jack defended himself.

"Humor me Jack. Was your sex life good while you were married?" Kate pushed making him sigh heavily.

"I don't know Kate, it was sex, sometimes it was rough and intense and sometimes it was tender and sweet. What exactly do you want to know? Was she as playful as you are? Not even close, but the fact that you suck my dick and don't look like you're about to throw up while you're doing isn't what makes me love you Kate so why do you want to know about this stuff?" Jack asked the last part making Kate giggle.

"She didn't enjoy oral sex much huh?" Kate laughed not surprised to hear that.

"She liked it when I went down on her she just didn't like to reciprocate and she would never let me kiss her on the mouth after I went down on her, said it was disgusting." Jack admitted.

"So how'd you get so good in bed?" Kate asked.

"Compared to what?" He laughed.

"Compared to my short list I guess, you're pretty incredible." She complimented.

"Well you're pretty inspiring." He said.

"I think you're definitely someone that's had practice and if you weren't getting to practice with your wife then who?" Kate asked.

"I didn't cheat on her Kate if that's what you're getting at. I love sex as much as anyone, but I try not to go through life thinking and reacting with my penis. I've had a few different lovers, some that were content to lay there not moving and some that were so freaky I'd be seriously worried about losing a body part." Jack explained.

"So where do I fit in?" Kate asked.

"You're the sexiest, most incredibly exciting and the most physically satisfying lover I've ever had of course." Jack answered with an ornery grin.

"Good answer." Kate giggled.

"So was Sawyer better than me?" Jack asked.

"Jack." Kate objected.

"Oh, you can ask about my past sexual partners, but I can't ask about yours?" Jack laughed.

"If I answer you truthfully do you promise to never let it out of this bedroom?" Kate asked.

"Cross my heart, I'll never tell a soul." Jack said.

"His selfish, every man for himself attitude about things extends into the bedroom." Kate answered making him laugh.

"So are you suggesting you never came with him just to make me feel good; or are you telling the truth?" Jack asked.

"No, that's the truth, but in his defense it probably wasn't just his fault, I don't think I was ever into it enough to help him out in that respect. Can we not talk about this? Sleeping with Sawyer isn't something I'm ashamed of, but it's not something I care to relive either." Kate said.

"Okay, but I really don't want to relive my sex life with Sarah either so can we call it a truce? I'm sorry about the dream and I have no idea why I would dream about sleeping with her. Maybe it's just my wounded pride needing to understand why I wasn't good enough for her and having a day of civility with her brought that confusion to the surface again. I care about Sarah Kate and probably even still love her on some level, but I don't want her anymore." Jack said.

"But if she caught you at a vulnerable moment and came onto you would you be able to resist?" Kate asked.

"I hope so, but I mostly hope I never have to find out because that stuff is difficult. You really loved the guy you were married to, could you resist?" Jack asked.

"That's a fair question, but I'm not going to answer. So if I don't want you to meet with Sarah alone anymore you aren't going to think I'm being unreasonable?" Kate asked.

"No and you're welcome to come with me, I just never wanted to burden you with our battle, I figured I'd burdened you with more than enough." Jack said.

"What do you suppose she wants to talk to you about?" Kate asked.

"Who knows? She probably thinks our one good day has erased all the bad and that I'm going to be ready and willing to hand Riley over now." Jack sighed.

"Maybe you two could learn to share her." Kate suggested.

"If she'd get her shit together we could, but as long as she's bouncing back and forth on anti-depressants and trying to trick me into taking her back I don't think it's in Riley's best interest to be alone with her." Jack argued.

"Then maybe she could visit her here." Kate offered.

"Kate, I know she can seem really sad and pathetic, but trust me, she's smiling as soon as you turn your back. I don't even know who she is anymore and the worst part is that I'm probably responsible for this fucked up version of her." Jack said.

"Why do you do that?" Kate asked.

"Do what?" Jack asked.

"Blame yourself for other people's fucked up lives? Honestly Jack, you can only do so much for people. They have to want it as bad as you do or your efforts are wasted time. Sarah wanted to play the role of the sad, neglected wife and wounded woman that lost her baby. I'm not saying that losing a baby wouldn't be painful and hard to get past, but people do it every day and you saw how long I put up with being the neglected wife. Are you telling me that Sarah couldn't have put the same ultimatum in front of you? Hell no, she preferred to quietly pout about it and you know why that is Jack?" Kate asked scolding him in such a way that was so cute it almost made him chuckle, but the fire in her eyes told him that wouldn't be in his best interest.

"No Kate, please tell me because I've been trying to figure it out since the day she walked out on me." Jack said as he got the urge to smile at her under control.

"Because she fell in love with an image of you and she loved being the doctor's wife more than she hated it. The attention of being the miracle patient that the miracle doctor married and the prestige of showing up on your arm at all the fancy dinner parties and the gossipy little cliques of other doctor's wives she could hang out with. She loved the lifestyle more than she loved you, so please stop blaming yourself for all of Sarah's problems because she enjoys being the victim." Kate told him.

"You've given this a lot of thought haven't you?" Jack said a grin spreading across his face that she saw and she slapped at his chest.

"Don't laugh at me Jack, you know I'm right. You've let the Sarah's of the world abuse your trust and step all over your heart so much that when you finally find someone that loves you for you and wouldn't play mind games you can't believe in it and enjoy it." Kate told him.

"That's not true. I believe in you Kate and I enjoy every minute our life together." Jack protested.

"Then why do you withdraw and beat yourself up over things you have no control over?" Kate asked.

"I don't know. I guess because that's just who I am." Jack said.

"Do you think could stop doing that to yourself?" Kate asked her fiery anger turning into tears

He sat up enough to roll her onto her back and look into her eyes. He used his thumb to wipe the tears away.

"What is it?" He asked softly.

"Nothing, I'm just tired." She lied.

"Kate, talk to me. This is because of me and I want to know why so I can make sure I don't do it again." He said.

"Jack, I can handle erotic dreams and guilt over unresolved feelings, but I can't handle destructive behavior. When I saw that bottle of whiskey this morning my heart sank and when I found the bottle of pills my world sank right along with my heart and do you know what the worst part was?" Kate asked through her tears.

Jack didn't answer, he just looked at her waiting to hear the rest feeling like a selfish, unfeeling prick for not considering her past when he chose to climb inside a bottle of whiskey.

"The worst part was keeping a tough exterior and assuring Julie that everything was okay, that you weren't going to turn this family upside down, that she wasn't going to have deal with another drunk on a daily basis." Kate cried.

Jack wiped more tears away and kissed her before rolling back onto his back and holding her close.

"I'm sorry and I know those are just words, but I can assure you that I'm not about to turn the family upside down. What I did was selfish and insensitive and you're right, I'm a mess when it comes to believing in people, but I'm going to be better Kate I promise." Jack said.

"It's just more words Jack." Kate said softly.

"Don't. You said you believed in us so give me the chance to prove that I do too." He demanded.

"You don't have to prove anything to me Jack, don't you understand that yet? I love you and I'm going to keep loving you no matter what. God, I just want you to understand that when you hurt yourself you are hurting me too, that nothing is just about you anymore, it affects all of us." Kate pleaded with him.

"Okay." Jack said.

"Okay." Kate said and moved up to kiss him one more time before settling in beside again and eventually falling asleep.

Jack scooted out from under her once he was sure she was sleeping soundly. He dressed, grabbed the baby monitor and left the bedroom. He peeked into Riley's room and she was sleeping soundly. He peeked in on Braden and he too was sleeping soundly. He thought about peeking in on Julie, but decided she probably wouldn't appreciate it, laughed at himself and headed down the stairs.

He entered the family room and found Julie curled up on the couch reading a book. He sat on the opposite end of the couch and looked at the book title. It was the latest paperback release from a popular mystery writer. She could feel him watching her and looked up from her book.

"Feeling better?" She asked.

"Yeah." He answered.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked.

"Julie I'm not a drunk, I swear." He replied.

"That's good to know Jack, but that's not what I wanted to ask." Julie said.

"Good, um, what did you need?" He asked.

"Do you know anything about piercings?" Julie asked.

"Like what?" Jack asked his interest peaked.

"Like whether or not it's not healing like it should be." Julie said.

"Let me see it." Jack said.

Julie stood up, walked over to where he was sitting, stood in front of him and lifted her shirt to expose her navel area to him. Jack took one look at it and sighed. He touched it lightly and she winced away from him.

"Should it hurt this much?" Julie asked.

"It's infected Julie. I'll go get some peroxide and bandages and clean it up for you." He said and stood up.

Jack walked into the kitchen and retrieved the same first aid kit he'd used to patch Sawyer up the day before. He walked back into the family room and noticed the uneasiness on Julie's face.

"Relax, it's not going to hurt that much. Lay down." Jack chuckled.

Julie lay on the couch and pulled her shirt up enough for him to work on her now infected belly button. He reached for the barbell style ring that was stuck through her navel and she grabbed his hand.

"What are you doing? You can't take it out." Julie protested.

"Julie it's infected, it has to come out." Jack told her.

"Can I put it back in when you're done?" Julie asked.

"No, you have to let it heal and get it done over." He said.

"Are you serious? I did everything they told me. How come it got infected?" Julie whined.

"Maybe the puncturing tool wasn't sterile, maybe the ring wasn't sterile, maybe the person's hands weren't sterile, maybe they didn't clean the area thoroughly before they punctured it. It really doesn't take a lot to create a breeding ground for an infection." Jack told her.

"Are you sure you can't save it, just clean around it?" Julie asked.

"Look on the bright side, it's not like you were going to be allowed out of the house wearing a shirt that would show it off anyway." Jack teased and winked at her.

Jack reached for the belly ring again, pulled it apart and out, releasing a great deal of pus and blood.

"That's pretty gross, doesn't that bother you?" Julie asked watching the infection ooze out.

"I cut people open and stick my hands inside them Julie, a little pus and blood isn't going to bother me." Jack answered and laughed lightly while swabbing the area with peroxide.

"I'd throw up way before I ever got my hand inside someone." Julie admitted.

"Throwing up is part of being a medical student. The smell of blood takes some time to get used to, but it's worth it. Having your hands inside a human body is fascinating." Jack told her with a gleam in his eye and excitement in his voice.

"You're weird Jack." Julie laughed.

"Well thank you. You're done." Jack said as he put the last piece of tape over the bandage.

Julie sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest.

"Wow, it doesn't hurt at all anymore. Thanks." She said.

"No problem, now it's my turn to ask you something." Jack said.

"What did I do now?" Julie asked making him smile.

"Nothing that I know of, I just wanted to ask you if you like it here." Jack said.

"Yeah, of course, I know I acted like a brat, but I don't want to leave." Julie said quietly.

"No, that's not what I meant. Sorry. I mean do you like it in California? Would you be upset if we decided to maybe live some place else?" Jack asked.

"Where?" Julie asked.

"I really don't want to say until I talk to Kate, but it would be very far from here, close to the East coast." Jack said.

"Why do you want to leave Jack?" Julie asked.

"I have this really great family now, but instead of enjoying it I keep letting my past life drag me down. I think I need a fresh start. A tempting offer was presented to me a few weeks ago, but I told the man I'd have to get back to him because we were in the middle of having a baby and because I thought this is where we needed to be, but now I'm not so sure. What do you think?" Jack said.

"I don't know. Why are you asking me? It's not like my feelings are going to keep you from going if that's what you want to do." Julie said.

"I'd like to take your feelings into consideration when making this decision. Riley and Braden they don't care, but you've made some friends and are finally starting to settle in. I don't want to keep shuffling you around, you've been shuffled around enough." Jack explained.

"The shuffling isn't so bad unless the people you live with get shuffled too. Would we be moving to a big city and another condo?" Julie asked.

"No, just the opposite in fact. A quiet, quaint little community and a big house with or without land whichever we prefer, lots of room for the kids to run around, lots of trees for Kate to climb and safe enough to loosen the leash I keep you on here." He said.

"Throw in a fresh belly button piercing and being allowed to show it off and I'm in." Julie said making him smile.

"Well, we'll have to ask Kate about that last part. You really wouldn't mind having to get used to a new school again?" He asked.

"I like small towns Jack, and I like to climb trees too, but most of all I just like being a part of this family so I'd go and I'd be happy about it especially if that means you aren't going to get scared anymore and drink." Julie said.

"Nothing stronger than a can of beer once in awhile, I promise." Jack said as he stood up, kissed her on the forehead and walked out of the room.

Jack was on his way upstairs to check on the kids when the doorbell rang. He looked through the window and didn't see anyone. He opened the door and Sawyer fell at his feet. He'd either rang the doorbell and sat down against the door or someone had propped him up against the door and rang the doorbell. Either way, he was laying half in and half out of the entry bleeding heavily from his abdomen. Before Jack had a chance to react to the situation he heard Kate scream and then Julie and then both children began crying while Sawyer's bloody hand clutched at his pant leg and unbeknownst to Jack it would become a deciding moment in his and Sawyer's life.


	42. Chapter 42

Jack kneeled down beside Sawyer. He could see immediately that he'd been shot in the abdomen. He looked up at Kate and Julie who were near hysterics.

"Julie I need towels. Kate, get the kids. Both of you go, now. You don't need to see this." Jack ordered.

Jack ripped Sawyer's shirt away and saw that it was worse than he'd thought. Through all the blood he counted two bullet holes.

"Jesus Sawyer, what did you get yourself into?" Jack asked.

"Listen to me Doc, I need your help, just one last time." Sawyer said.

"I'm going to help you Sawyer, but I need to call an ambulance first." Jack said.

"No! No ambulances, no police, no hospital. You have to promise to let me die Jack." Sawyer demanded.

"Sawyer, I can't do that." Jack objected.

Sawyer fought to sit up trying to dig something out of his jacket pocket. Jack settled him back down and dug into the pocket. He pulled a gun out and held it up in front of him.

"Listen to me doc, you gotta say you shot me, say I tried to break in and you shot me." Sawyer told him.

"Why?" Jack asked.

Sawyer tried to dig in his other pocket. Jack reached in and pulled out a picture. It was a little girl that was probably a little younger than Riley.

"She's mine Jack and he's going to hurt her to get to me. You have to let me die. It's the right thing to do doc, hell I'm a waste, got no place to go and only drag people down, but she's got a chance at a real life, at being somebody." Sawyer continued to plead with him.

Julie handed Jack a stack of towels.

"Thanks, now go help Kate and stay upstairs both of you." Jack ordered.

Jack put the towel over his wounds, trying to control the bleeding. He didn't understand what was going on, but allowing him to lie in his doorway and die wasn't something he wanted to consider.

"I don't understand Sawyer. How does letting you die save this little girl and is this the gun you were shot with? Did you do this to yourself?" Jack asked.

"Because if I'm dead he'll have no reason to want to hurt her, I've been taking his money and he's ready to do whatever he has to make me stop." Sawyer said.

"So stop, what the hell is your problem." Jack said as he continued to work on him.

"I did, but there's more. He's been taking pictures of her, says if I don't turn myself in, take the blame for something I didn't do he'll go after her. He shot me and handed me the gun, said I needed to be sure to give the gun to the police when I turned myself in. It's complicated." Sawyer said, wincing against the pain as Jack pressed on his wounds.

"Why is it complicated?" Jack asked.

"Damn it doc! It just is! This is your chance to be the hero again!" Sawyer argued.

"Sawyer it would take hours or days for these wounds to kill you, I can't be sure without seeing what kind of damage there is inside." Jack argued.

"Then finish the job." Sawyer insisted.

"What?" Jack asked shocked at the suggestion.

"Come on doc, you've got the gun, one bullet to the heart and I bet you wouldn't miss." Sawyer taunted.

"I am not going to shoot you Sawyer." Jack refused.

"Listen to me doc, this guy is ruthless and it ain't just my little girl he's threatening. He's going to come after you and your family. If you do this he'll back off. Do it Jack!" Sawyer demanded through gritted teeth.

"What the hell have you gotten us into Sawyer? Claire, Hurley, Kate all of us? After everything we've all been through together, you drag us into your bullshit? Do you ever think about anyone besides yourself you selfish son-of-a-bitch?! This sweet, innocent child wasn't enough to make you want to be a better man?" Jack yelled.

"That's right Jacko, I'm shit and we all know it and I got no use for you or that kid, but hell even I don't want to see an innocent kid hurt and that includes your kids. So why don't you just do it, get it over with." Sawyer hissed.

The anger was consuming Jack. The betrayal, the thoughtlessness, the idea that his friends and his family were in danger all because of this worthless idiot who never did anything that didn't benefit him. Jack put the gun up to Sawyer's head, his hand gripping it tight, his eyes filled with rage.

"You were right that day in the jungle, I should've just let you die." Jack said.

"Now's your chance to change that doc." Sawyer said.

Jack held the gun to Sawyer's head, eyes not leaving his, staring the wounded man down and letting him see that he wasn't afraid to do it, that he could pull the trigger without blinking and he saw it. It wasn't there for very long, but Jack saw it. Grief, sorrow, guilt, fear and a touch of caring flashed through Sawyer's eyes, a human-being did exist in there and he allowed the man that was about to silence him forever to see it so that he would know he had no choice and wouldn't carry unnecessary guilt around. Jack began to squeeze the trigger, closing his eyes as he did so.

Kate and Julie sat upstairs on Kate's bed, frightened and holding the two kids. Kate wanted to go help, to make sure Sawyer was okay, but her concern for her children and her sister was stronger so she stayed put, waiting for Jack to tell them it was safe to come out. Kate heard the gunshot and jumped, wrapping her arm around Julie, assuring her that everything would be okay.

FOUR YEARS LATER…………

It is Christmas Eve 2009. Kate and Jack and their family are living in Vermont. Jack accepted a job as what on most days was the equivalent of a country doctor, the community they lived in small and personable with no need for more than a couple of physicians. Jack had actually agreed to a job in a nearby major medical facility where he'd consult and participate on the most difficult surgical cases, quickly making a name and a reputation for himself. Being one of the communities' two physicians was just something he agreed to do because being a doctor and helping people was what he liked to do. The decision to leave California had been easy, the family packing up shortly after Christmas of 2005 and leaving that life behind.

They lived in a spacious country home with their three children, Jack Jr. coming along less than 11 months after Braden was born, naming the baby after Jack the final step in helping him move past the life he had before flight 815.

Kate was mommy to Riley and had been for a long while. Jack had been awarded full custody of Riley, but Sarah was to be allowed to have Riley every other holiday and six weeks in the summer, an arrangement Jack had agreed to, not wanting to deny his daughter the right to know her mother. Three days prior to Riley's first designated stay with her mother, Sarah called to tell Jack she was going on a trip with a new boyfriend and just hours before the next scheduled visit she canceled for a weekend with the girls. The last Kate, Jack and Riley had seen of Sarah was the day they appeared in court to witness Sarah signing away her parental rights and Kate signing adoption papers that would make her Riley's mother. Riley was almost five years old by then and had no memory of Sarah and Sarah made no attempt to remind her of who she was.

Julie was 21 and living with a guy Jack and Kate really didn't like. She'd gone to college for a semester after high school, but decided to take a break and work for awhile. She was currently unemployed, not going to school and they suspected spent much of her time drinking and experimenting with drugs. Jack's soft spot where Julie was concerned grew softer over the years and she could call crying and he'd be out the door to help her out or bail her out or whatever she needed. Kate was completely frustrated with her, but they decided they'd just keep picking her up and dusting her off in hopes that she would eventually come around because turning your back on a loved one is never a realistic option.

Jack and Kate had developed a loving, family relationship with his biological mother and moved her to Vermont with them. She lived in their guest house and was a godsend once Jack Jr. arrived, their home quickly becoming a circus with so many children so close in age. She seemed to fill the mother void for both Jack and Kate and having them and the grandchildren in her life filled the void that giving Jack away had left. Jack and Kate both called her Debbie, but to the kids she was grandma and they loved her as much as she loved them, having a grandma old enough to spoil and indulge them while still young enough to keep up with them and enjoy them completed their picturesque family.

Riley was six and had grown into a beautiful little girl. Her straight silky light brown hair she refused to cut that Kate kept pulled back in a variety of styles accented her small frame, tiny facial features and dark brown eyes. She had a very sweet and wholesome look about her and had her daddy wrapped tightly around her finger. Personality wise she was a carbon copy of her father. She was very smart, very stubborn and very anal, while compassionate and emotional, insisting on one occasion that Kate bring the deserted bird's nest into the house so she could help the babies hatch and crying herself to sleep when she finally accepted that the babies were never going to hatch. Riley had seemed to come out of the trauma of being deserted by her mother fairly unscathed, the only signs of it an occasional bad dream that landed her in-between her parents for the night and her emotional attachment to her stuffed puppy, school being the only place she went without it. She was in the first grade and doing very well. She'd begun reading at age 5, but still demanded a bedtime story every night.

Braden was 4 and even though he looked like Jack, he was all Kate otherwise. Impulsive and never able to sit still, adventurous and curious, his curiosity landing in him the emergency room a couple of times in need of stitches. While Riley was the stubborn child, she was typically a compliant child whereas Braden pushed the envelope on every occasion, spending a great deal of time in a naughty chair or in his room or bent over one of his parent's knees. They took care not to break Braden's spirit, but he was expected to follow the same rules as the other children and he hated rules, which is what usually landed in him in some form of time-out, spankings being the last resort when he'd do things like cut off a chunk of Riley's hair while she was sleeping or force his baby brother to eat something disgusting like worms or the stink bait they used for fishing. Braden's dark brown hair that he insisted be cut just like his daddy's and his root-beer colored eyes made him look like a 3 foot tall version of Jack, every bit as cute and charming when he wanted to be. Braden could fluster both of his parents, but Jack found the boy incredibly amusing and refreshing, his antics reminding Jack of the things he saw in Kate that drew him to her that very first day and every day after that.

Jack Jr., who quickly became "JJ", was 3 and looked more like Kate Jr. and so far seemed to be their most laid-back child a good combination of both of them personality wise. He had Kate's green eyes and her freckles as well as the curly hair and did not want his hair cut like his daddy's, managing to trim his hair an ordeal that usually took Jack holding him down while Kate trimmed, a trip to any kind of barber or hairstylist out of the question. He was an adorable, almost irresistible child who spent most of his days trying to survive his older brother's adventures. They finally put Braden into a preschool as well as t-ball and soccer to try to channel some of his energy away from his younger brother and also so Kate could have some one on one time with JJ during the day. Jack Jr. was their more sensitive son, still attached to a blanket and very quiet, shy and sweet most of the time. He was very much a mama's boy in that he still enjoyed sitting in her lap and cuddling and went to her first when he was hurt or sick. He enjoyed drawing or coloring while listening to music, most often a CD of favorite songs his parents had put together for him. Sitting with Riley and letting her read to him was never too boring for him and a preferred activity to helping Braden flush Riley's dolls or putting small metal cars in the garbage disposal, activities that landed him and his brother in bed long before it was bedtime.

Jack and Kate built a happy and peaceful life together. Jack was surprisingly the bigger wimp when it came to the kids, always willing to dole out the punishment, but having a hard time sticking to it, Kate always being the one to force the issue and not let him give in. She was pregnant again with twins this time, Emma and Max. It never seemed too much for either one of them, neither considering that they might stop having children when the twins arrive as if raising as many happy and well-adjusted children as they can would fill up the hole left by their own childhoods and so far it was working, both content to just be mom and dad first and putting everything else a distant second.

Jack found that he could have his career and his family and that his father was right, that you had to make sacrifices. Jack chose to sacrifice his climb up the ladder of medical prosperity, content to be the surgeon that could fix those things that only a handful of surgeons could and go home to his family afterward. Becoming a chief of surgery was his father's dream not his. He had no desire to become a chief of anything. Kate found that the freedom Jack helped her obtain was her saving grace, the instinct to run slowly disappearing as the years went by, being a mother and a wife and staying in one place something she found she did well and something she loved, never balking at the idea of having more children. He'd asked her several times if she was happy, did she want to go to school or work outside the home, but she'd always give him the same answer, telling him that it had taken her 27 years to find her way home and that she had no desire to leave.

She awoke to his light kisses brushing lightly over her jaw line and the sensation of his warm hand gently caressing her breast through her nightshirt. She opened her eyes and smiled at him. He kissed her and pointed toward the large bay window in their bedroom.

"Snow's been coming down hard for about four hours." Jack said.

Kate looked at the clock beside the bed. It as 10 AM.

"How long have you been up Jack?" She asked.

"Braden woke me up around 4:30." Jack laughed.

"Good grief Jack, you should've made him go back to bed." Kate protested.

"He's excited. Santa's coming tonight. They're all excited. Riley and JJ weren't far behind. We've had breakfast and we trudged through the snow and rescued Grandma because they were sure she'd never make it to the house on her own. She was a sport and played along. She's making them hot chocolate and Christmas cookies and said I should grab a nap. Wanna take a nap with me?" He said with a sweet smile.

"I'm not sleepy." She said.

"Neither am I?" He said softly leaning over her and kissing her deeply.

They kissed one another slowly and deeply as his hand found its way underneath her nightshirt, his fingers gliding gently over her nipple. She pulled out of the kiss, arms wrapped around his neck and smiled at him.

"Gee Santa, is that the north pole in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Kate teased.

"Want to come sit in Santa's lap little girl and find out?" He teased back.

They giggled and wrestled around for a few minutes before ending up locked in another hot, wet kiss and him slowly pulling at her clothes. He reached for the zipper on his jeans to relieve the discomfort and just as he managed to get his pants completely unfastened a blood curdling scream came from somewhere inside of the house.

"What the hell was that?" Jack asked as he jumped up and refastened his pants.

"It sounded like Riley. I'm right behind you." Kate said as she scooted herself off the bed and followed him out the bedroom door.

They both moved quickly and frantically toward Riley's cries, finding her in the bathroom, her arm in the toilet and Braden giggling.

"Daddy he's drowning! Get him out!" Riley cried as upset and devastated as he had seen his little girl since the day she woke up in the airport without her mother.

Jack pulled the child away from the toilet and Kate grabbed Braden as he tried to run out of the bathroom, realizing the calvary had arrived and he was about to be in big trouble.

"What is it baby? Who's drowning?" Jack asked trying to sneak a glance into the toilet water while drying her arm.

"Puppy! Braden tried to flush puppy and he's stuck!" Riley cried, the giant crocodile tears breaking Jack's heart.

He picked her up and hugged her, rubbing his hand over her back trying to calm her down while shooting Braden a look that made the boy find his own tears.

"I'm sorry daddy! I didn't do it on purpose." Braden cried.

"Hush Braden, lying to me is only going to make it worse." Jack scolded the boy.

"Mommy, I want to go to bed." Braden begged.

"I have a feeling you will son, very soon." Kate said and kept him in the bathroom so he could hopefully see how badly he upset his sister and learn something from it.

"Shh Riley it's okay, daddy will get him out. Okay?" Jack said softly to her knowing that puppy represented something emotional that could never be replaced and hoping he really would be able to get it out.

Jack set the child down and reached into the toilet. The stuffed animal was stuck, just enough of it sucked in to keep him from being able to pull it free. He brought his hand back out and started to dry it off.

"You can't get him can you? I hate you Braden!" Riley screamed, shoving him down and running out of the bathroom.

"Riley I'm going to get him out I just need some tools. Come back sweetie, I promise he'll be okay." Jack called after her.

Jack walked toward the door. He stopped, reached down and picked Braden up and carried him to his bedroom, the little boy sobbing inconsolably the entire way, knowing there was no way he could make his sister cry that much and not be in big trouble.

Jack exited the room leaving orders for the boy not to come out and went to get the tools he needed to separate the toilet from the floor, the last thing he wanted to do on Christmas Eve, but his little girl was laying in her bed in Kate's arms near hysterics so he figured he'd call the fire department to get that puppy out if he had to.

Jack retrieved the tools he needed and headed back to the bathroom. He shut the water to the toilet off and pulled on the puppy one more time with no luck, but he was pretty sure he felt it tear a little. He looked at it, the butt and back legs of the stuffed animal sticking out of the water.

"Damn Braden did you have to send him down head first, I probably could've gotten away with lower extremity amputation, but not his head." Jack mumbled deciding he'd laugh about this later, but too concerned about his traumatized child to find any humor in it at the moment.

Jack removed the toilet from the floor and finally managed to push the part that was stuck back through until the entire puppy was lying in the toilet bowl, soaking wet with a fresh tear in his neck. Jack set the stuffed animal on the counter and went to work putting the toilet back, grateful that there was nothing in the toilet but fresh water at the time of the attempted drowning.

"Potty daddy." Jack Jr. said from the door.

Jack looked at the toddler dancing and holding himself and laughed lightly.

"Kate! JJ's got to pee and I'm not done in here yet!" Jack yelled.

Kate and Riley appeared at the door immediately, Riley's face lighting up when she saw the puppy on the counter.

"You got him!" Riley screamed and entered the bathroom to inspect the soaking wet puppy.

"He's pretty wet baby, but we'll take him down and put him in front of the fireplace to dry him out." Jack told her.

"His head is ripped daddy. Can you do surgery on him?" Riley asked.

Jack kept a straight face as he tried to calculate the number of surgical procedures he'd done on that dog over the years, each one so important to his little girl he was convinced that some of his finest suture work had been performed on a stuffed toy.

"As soon as he's dry I'll fix him and maybe after that we should find a nice safe shelf for puppy." Jack suggested.

"Daddy, puppy can't sleep without me." Riley told him as if his suggestion were absurd and not open for debate.

"Okay sweetie." Jack said and finished bolting the toilet back to the floor.

He stood, washed his hands, dried them and picked his daughter and the soggy dog up. Riley wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you daddy, you're my hero." Riley said, the comment making Jack chuckle to himself, not because he found it funny, but because for the first time he didn't find being called a hero irritating.

"I'd do anything for you baby. We need to talk about what you said to Braden though. You don't hate your brother." Jack said and glanced up at Kate who was walking toward them.

"Yes I do." Riley said very matter-of-factly making Kate bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"Riley, it's okay to be angry at what he did, but he's your baby brother, you're supposed to love him." Jack tried to reason with her.

"Nope, I love JJ. Braden is a brat." Riley said stubbornly.

Jack looked at Kate for some help but she just shrugged at him. He set Riley down and looked toward Braden's bedroom.

"Come on Riley, let's go dry your puppy out so daddy can talk to Braden." Kate said taking the little girl by the hand.

Jack walked toward Braden's bedroom trying to decide what he could do to make an impact, to get through to him at least a little. Should he use the Santa angle and have the one thing Braden asked for more than anything not be under the tree in the morning?

"Nah, I'm too big of a wimp for that. I'd probably cry more than him." Jack mumbled to himself.

Jack entered the bedroom and Braden quickly jumped up into his bed, the bed he wasn't supposed to get out of. Jack had to fight the smile that was trying to spread across his face because his little boy had so much spirit and spunk and was as ornery a child as he'd ever encountered and he loved that about him, but he knew he had to be the dad and punish him because he couldn't let him think that what he did was in any way cute or funny. He quickly thought about the mental state Riley would be in right now if hadn't been able to retrieve her puppy and he found it easier to be aggravated with his son. Jack sat on the bed and pulled the child into his lap.

"What am I going to do with you?" Jack sighed.

"Spank me." Braden suggested with entirely too much confidence.

Jack moved his hand over the child's bottom and then stood him up in front of him. He pulled the waistband of his sweatpants back and couldn't contain his amusement this time. Braden had put on just about every pair of underwear he owned and pulled the sweatpants on over them, his little butt about five times thicker than normal.

"Braden you are deviously smart, you know that?" Jack chuckled and began peeling the layers of underpants off of him.

"Can we play in the snow now Daddy?" Braden asked giving his father the punishment he was looking for.

Jack finished redressing Braden and sat him back up on his lap.

"You were very mean to Riley so you won't be playing in the snow. Only JJ and Riley get to play in the snow with me today." Jack told him.

"No daddy! I'm sorry, I want to play too." Braden cried.

"If you are good the rest of today and tonight I will play with you tomorrow, but not today. You can't keep doing naughty things." Jack said and sat the child down, standing up and hoping to exit before his pleas got to him and made him cave.

Braden grabbed onto his leg and begged and cried, wrapping himself completely around his leg and refusing to let go. Jack calmly peeled him off his leg and picked him up.

"No son. Now let's go see how grandma's doing with those cookies." Jack said making the child wail louder.

Kate helped JJ get his snowsuit on while Jack helped Riley with her boots. Braden lay in the floor throwing a tantrum while his parents and his grandmother ignored him.

"Are you coming outside too mommy?" Riley asked.

"No sweetie, I'm too fat to play in the snow." Kate told her.

"That's okay, we'll build you a nice, big snowman that you can see from the window and he'll be way fatter than you." Riley told her making all three adults laugh.

Jack took the two children out to play in the snow. Braden sat in front of the window crying for awhile and then just looking sad as he watched them ride the sled down the hill, his dad pulling it back up the hill every time with both kids on it. He watched while they made a snowman and laughed when Jack clobbered JJ softly with a snowball. Jack would look over to the window, see the child's sad face and then look up at Kate who would be shaking her head no at him. He finally brought the two frozen, tired children in for lunch.

Kate helped Riley strip out of her wet clothes and change into some dry ones, her fingers so cold they had no dexterity in them. She brushed her hair out and pulled it back and up promising to wash it for her later and use the Christmas hair ribbons they'd picked out while shopping. They didn't make Riley take naps anymore, but insisted she enjoy some quiet time while her brothers slept.

Jack stripped JJ down to his underwear and led him into his bedroom.

"Daddy! Hewwy!" JJ squealed making Jack laugh.

He wrapped the child's beloved blanket around him to keep him warm while he found something for him to wear. He dressed the toddler quickly and pushed his wild locks out of his eyes.

"You need a haircut." Jack said.

"No!!!" JJ screamed.

"Okay, sorry, I said the 'h-word'". Jack said and carried the child back out to the kitchen.

They fed the children their lunch and Jack took them into the family room to settle them down while Kate snuck away for a shower. Kate enjoyed her quiet, hot shower and noticed quickly how quiet the house was when she exited her bedroom. She walked into the kitchen and found Debbie enjoying a cup of hot tea and a magazine.

"Where's Jack? Where are the kids?" Kate asked.

"They're in the family room. Go look." Debbie told her.

Kate walked into the family room, stopped, smiled and then stood still enjoying the view. They had a large overstuffed chair that would easily hold two adults comfortably and a large overstuffed ottoman that sat in front of it. Jack lay stretched out in the middle of the chair sleeping soundly with all three kids lying on or around him also sleeping soundly. She looked at Braden snuggled up next to him, his head resting on the right side of his chest and his small hand gently resting on his chest with all the love and trust a small child could have in a parent. She decided he and Braden must've made up and smiled. She looked at JJ who had his arms underneath him and his knees tucked up underneath him, having made himself into a small ball that fit perfectly on Jack's stomach, his little head resting in the middle of his chest. Riley was snuggled up on left side of his chest, head over his heart which seemed appropriate. Kate put a blanket over them and decided her life was as near perfect as a life gets.

Christmas Eve was usually a festive occasion at the Shephard house and this year would be no different as friends and family began to slowly trickle into their home later that evening. Claire and her husband and their two children had made the flight from Los Angeles and had arrived that afternoon, insisting on staying at the Bed & Breakfast in town instead of with Jack and Kate. Friends from their community who had no family to spend Christmas with dropped by, bearing gifts for the children and food.

While the children ran around too excited to eat or sit still, Jack stood by the fireplace, turning the wet stuffed animal over and warning the kids when they would get too close to knocking the tree over. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and turned around. Julie was standing there, her face sad and confused and as soon as they made eye contact she threw her arms around his neck and began sobbing. Jack let her go for a bit and finally pulled her back so he could talk to her.

"I want to come home Jack." She said sadly.

"Okay." He said without asking any questions.

"Where's Kate?" Julie asked.

"I think she's in the family room catching up with Claire." Jack said.

Julie walked away to find Kate and Jack turned his attention back to the kids when he heard an ornament crash to the floor.

"Okay you monkeys, get away from the tree or Santa won't be stopping here tonight." Jack warned and then chuckled as they all froze, even Braden, and compliantly walked away from the tree.

"That Santa Clause threat is great for keeping them in line huh?" A familiar voice rang out from across the room making Jack turn his attention to where it came from.

Jack watched him enter the living room, an attractive pregnant woman on his arm and a pretty little girl on his hip. He watched him lower the child to the floor and then they made eye contact. Both of their minds traveled back to that day four years ago, the day that changed both of them, the day that Jack knew he would be leaving California for good and that Sawyer knew he'd been given one final chance at life.

_Jack was busying tending to Sawyer's bullet wounds, but he had seen him out of the corner of his eye stalking up behind them, attempting to use the shrubs as cover, but he'd seen him and he recognized him. He also saw the gun, saw that he had come to finish the job and he knew he had a choice to make, a choice that would change him forever, change who he was and what he believed about himself. He closed his eyes or so it appeared, making it look as though he couldn't watch while he put a bullet in Sawyer's head and at the last second pulled the gun away, pointed it up and shot the lurker right between the eyes._

_Jack sat back against the door frame, looking at the man with the bullet in his head, his eyes wide open, that brief moment of shock and surprise when he realized that a man he never would've believed capable of such a calm, cold-blooded act forever etched upon his face. Jack needed a moment to collect himself, to absorb the violent nature of what he'd just done and the only word that managed to escape his lips was "Michael."_

"_You okay doc?" Sawyer mumbled snapping Jack out of his daze._

"_You were extorting money from Michael? Why would you do that Sawyer?" Jack asked._

"_He killed Ana and Libby and was walking around free. It wasn't right." Sawyer said._

"_But it was okay to use that information for your own benefit and endanger innocent lives in the process. Jesus Sawyer do you ever think about what you're doing or do you just fucking blow though life without giving anyone or anything a second thought?" Jack snapped._

"_How was I supposed to know he'd go crazy and want to kill anyone who could rat him out?" Sawyer said._

"_That he was willing to kill two of his friends on the island didn't clue you in to the fact that the Michael we knew didn't exist anymore, that he died on that island when he pulled the trigger, that there were no longer any limits to what he was willing to do and what about Walt? You didn't have a problem with hurting him with your little scheme?" Jack asked so disgusted with Sawyer that treating his wounds was no longer an issue._

"_Walt lives with his grandmother, hell he didn't even bother to keep in touch with the kid. Look doc, I'm sorry. If I'd known he was going to go crazy and try to hurt someone other than me I wouldn't have done it." Sawyer apologized._

"_Save it Sawyer. You've never given a shit about anyone but yourself and you never will. I'm going to call the police and an ambulance now and I'm not going to tell them you were extorting money from him, but once you're healed you better stay as far away from all of us as you can or I will kill you the next time. Do you got that?" Jack said angrily as he slowly stood and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket._

Sawyer flashed Jack his classic shit-eating grin making him laugh lightly. He approached Jack slowly and held his hand out. Jack took his hand, shook it and didn't resist when Sawyer pulled him into a quick hug.

"Hey! Did anyone get a picture of that because I know I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't seen it myself." Kate teased as she walked up to Sawyer and hugged him.

Sawyer returned the hug and stepped back, looking at the toddler she was carrying and her pregnant stomach.

"I see doc still ain't figured out where babies come from." Sawyer teased.

"I see you haven't lost your snarky personality." Kate said.

Sawyer introduced Cassidy and Clementine to the group. They were married and expecting a child in two months. After exchanging the typical polite pleasantries, Jack escorted Sawyer out onto his back porch. They stood quietly for a few moments, the snow and the clear sky making it seem brighter than it actually was.

"I bet you didn't expect to see me tonight." Sawyer said.

"You'd win that bet." Jack said.

"So are you going to kill me?" Sawyer asked.

"What?" Jack asked.

"I'm supposed to stay away, remember." Sawyer reminded him.

"Yeah, well it's Christmas so I guess I can make an exception." Jack said.

"Listen Jack, I ain't going to apologize anymore for what happened because something like that is too big to get past with an _'I'm sorry'_, I get it." Sawyer said.

"Do you? Do you really get it Sawyer or do I need to start looking over my shoulder for the next person you piss off now that you've shown up at my house?" Jack snapped.

"James." Sawyer said.

"What?" Jack asked in an aggravated tone.

"My name is James. Sawyer doesn't exist anymore." Sawyer told him.

"I'd like to believe that Saw…..James, but if you were me, would you?" Jack asked.

"Probably not, but you should know something doc." Sawyer said.

"What's that?" Jack asked.

"You're the best friend I've ever had. I know that and I'm grateful for it. I was ready to die to protect you and your family and yes it was my fault you were in danger, but I never would've cared about that in the past and then you did something I never would've believed you were capable of. You killed a man, a friend to protect me." Sawyer said.

"How do you know I didn't kill him to protect myself?" Jack said.

"Because you didn't, hell doc even I know you are the last person you ever consider in anything. No, you knew your family was in danger, but a part of you also thought you might be able to calm him down, reason with him, but you knew you couldn't talk him out of finishing me off and you made a split-second decision that changed both of us forever." Sawyer said.

"I thought a tiger didn't change his stripes." Jack offered.

"I guess even tigers get reincarnated. I'm working, selling real estate and yeah I could sell ice cubes to an Eskimo, but I don't sell crap to people who can't afford it, I convince people with more money than sense that there ain't nothing out there better than the property I'm showing them." Sawyer said.

"So where are you selling this real estate?" Jack asked.

"Right now we're living in Virginia, but I gotta tell you, driving up here and driving around all these small towns, well I'm thinking Vermont has its possibilities." Sawyer teased making Jack laugh lightly.

"That's a nice family you've got Saw…….James. I really hope for their sake that you really have changed your stripes, but then maybe it wasn't so much about changing and more about just allowing yourself to be who you really are." Jack said.

"Maybe, either way, when Claire suggested I come here and spend Christmas Eve and try to make amends I thought it'd be the perfect opportunity to do just that and to say thank you." Sawyer said.

"You're welcome." Jack said.

The guests had all gone home and they had the last toy assembled. It as just after midnight when Kate and Jack relaxed in front of the fireplace with a blanket, a glass of wine and nothing but the lights from the Christmas Tree. She leaned into him and sipped her wine.

"Mmm….my one glass of wine, I think I earned it today." Kate said.

"Just think, at this time next year we'll have five kids. We might have to get a bigger house." Jack said.

"No way, I love this house. You can just build on if we have more kids." Kate said.

"Yes, because I'm so handy with a hammer." Jack laughed.

"You were pretty handy with that wrench today, it was pretty sexy actually." Kate said and put her hand over his, positioning it so he could feel the babies kicking.

"They're up late. Hang in there guys, 3 more months and you can join our circus." Jack said softly as he rubbed his hand over her stomach.

"I thought I'd be a lot bigger, more pushed out there with twins, but so far they just seem to be making me fat." Kate complained.

"You aren't fat. You're beautiful." He said leaning down and kissing her cheek.

"You're just saying that because you want to get laid." Kate teased.

"Well, I did get interrupted by the drowned puppy crisis so does that mean I get to get laid twice?" Jack asked.

Kate set her wine down and turned around to face him. She kissed him deeply, falling into his arms and eventually laid backward onto the blanket. He pulled out of the kiss and looked at her.

"No, it means I get to get laid twice." She said making him grin.

"Want to go to bed?" He asked.

"Maybe later, this is pretty romantic and that grin of yours is so sexy and you know how I love sexy." She purred.

They began kissing the warmth of the fire and the heat of the moment making their bodies sweat. She rolled him over onto his back and straddled him, slowly unbuttoning the buttons on his shirt.

"You look so sexy in flannel, I swear I could jump your bones every time you walk through the room in your blue jeans with your flannel shirt tucked in. No man should be able to wear a pair of blue jeans the way you do and it be legal." Kate growled.

"So why didn't you? Jump my bones?" Jack asked.

"Because I really didn't want to put on a show for our guests, but now that I have you alone I plan on rocking you around the Christmas Tree bud." Kate told him making him laugh and roll them over so that she was underneath him again.

He sat up on his knees and looked down, her face illuminated in the different colors of the Christmas tree lights, as beautiful tonight as the day he saw her walking out of the jungle onto the beach. He could still see her, rubbing her wrists, distraught and confused and could remember what she was wearing and how her hair looked. That day and that moment would forever be etched into his memory as he considered it to the moment he was actually born, the moment he began to live, the moment when Jack Shephard, M.D., protégé of Christian Shephard, the man with the empty life and empty soul died and was given a second chance at life by allowing this beautiful, spirited woman to teach him how to live.

He loved her so much and there was never enough time in a day or energy in his body to fully express how deep his feelings for her went, the children she'd given him and the two she currently carried in her womb the most precious gifts in his life and he'd never be able to equal those gifts, his love and complete devotion to her all he had to offer. For her, that was more than enough, more than any person in her life had ever given to her freely, no strings attached, no expectations for something in return and as she looked up at him staring intently into her eyes she knew what he was thinking and what he was feeling because she felt it too. She moved her hand over his forearm gently and smiled at him. He grabbed a couple of throw pillows and put them under her head before lowering himself again, placing his mouth over hers and kissing her deeply as his hands began to tug at her clothes.

He stopped himself, not wanting to turn this into something wild and out of control, the setting too peaceful to not take advantage of it. He sat up on his knees and pulled her up in front of him. They slowly and patiently removed each other's clothes, the glow from the fire and the Christmas tree, providing soft, calming music that only they could hear. Now completely nude they lay down together, their bodies stretched out in front of the fire, a slight glistening of sweat starting to develop not from exertion, but from pure passion, the need for each other intensifying. He kissed her and rolled her onto her back, slowly moving his mouth along her jaw line and then nipping lightly at her neck as he moved down, his stomach brushing lightly against her before he slowly slid down, working his thigh between her legs and taking her right breast into his mouth, gently sucking at the nipple, his fingers gently gliding over the nipple of her left breast, feeling it harden beneath his touch, resisting the urge to pinch and squeeze, instead lightly rubbing his thumb over the nub and smiling at the moans that coincided with the increased wetness he could feel on his thigh.

She knew he was headed down, that he was going to taste her and enjoy her and pleasure her over and over and that he himself would be aching with desire, aching to the point of discomfort, his need threatening to explode any minute and she wanted him first. She pushed on his shoulders until she managed to convince him to roll over onto his back, her following on top. She straddled him, her hot, wetness covering his stomach, the feeling of it making him groan, making him want to be inside her. He moved his hands over her pregnant stomach and smiled at her. She leaned forward and kissed him hot and heavy on the mouth, pushing her tongue in until his tongue met hers, the dance they'd perfected over the years increasing the passion both of them were feeling. She pulled her mouth away and looked at him, knowing the babies were kicking and he could feel it against his stomach.

"I love having your babies inside of me as much as you love having them in there." She whispered in a soft, loving tone as she began moving her mouth down his body.

She stopped and moved her mouth over his stomach, enjoying the feel of it tightening beneath her lips as her breasts moved over his erection, his breathing turning to short gasps for air intermixed with normal breaths, turned on and tuned in to what she was doing to him and nothing else. She slowly slithered her tongue down below his navel, the tip of his cock there, dripping with the beginning of what was to come. She moved her tongue over the tip, licking it clean before gliding it slowly down his length until she reached his balls, closing her mouth over a part of his scrotum and sucking gently, smiling as she felt his thighs tighten as he grunted his approval at the action. She moved her mouth back up and wrapped her fist around him at the base while she worked him slowly into her mouth, feeling his hands on the back of her head, gently massaging, his need to grab hold of something and hang on taking control. She continued to take him in and out of her mouth while pumping him slowly in her fist, enjoying the sounds he was making, looking up occasionally to see him looking back down at her, the look of pure ecstasy on his face, the fire and the tree lights dancing in the irises of his eyes and she saw it in his eyes, just before she felt the first spurt hit her tongue. She pulled her mouth away and pumped, holding her mouth open so he could watch the next spurt land on her tongue and the noises he made and gasps for air as he watched his seed go from his body into hers.

When he finished she continued to lick him clean and then kissed her way back up his body. She kissed him and he rolled her over onto her back again, kissing her lovingly and appreciatively, his stress relieved and his need relieved and now he could focus on her and eventually recharge so he could make love to her and last as long as she could stand it. He began moving his mouth over her again, kissing and caressing each breast, sucking the nipples into his mouth while his hand traveled south, sliding over her front, moaning as he brought it back up through her crease and felt the slippery heat cover his fingers. He lifted his head and looked into her eyes, letting her watch as he put his fingers into his mouth one at a time and licked them clean. He sat between her bent legs, holding her knees and gliding them backward gently. He inserted one finger and watched her squirm, her face scrunched up with pleasure caught perfectly in the firelight. He lifted her hand and sucked on two of her fingers, her eyes watching him carefully as he moved his tongue over them, making them wet his warm saliva and then pulling the fingers out of his mouth and positioning them over her most sensitive spot. She knew what he wanted and smiled at him.

"You do love to watch don't you?" She teased.

She began gently rubbing her fingers over her clit, but instead of just watching he surprised her and inserted a finger, followed quickly by a second, moving them in and out of her slowly while she used her own fingers to find just the right rhythm and hit just the right spot. He watched their hands move simultaneously, but spent most of his time watching her face and the pleasure she was feeling. He could see her facial features grow intense at the same time he felt her clenching around the three fingers her was working in and out of her. She was panting his name and begging him to get her there. He pushed her hand out of the way and brought his mouth down, sucking her clit gently into his lips, letting the tip of his tongue dance over the tip, feeling her hips start to rise up from the floor and then hearing and feeling the release. She panted and moaned, holding his head with her hands and lifting her hips up into his face, demanding all the contact he could stand.

When she finally settled back down he kissed down the inside of one thigh while he gently straightened and relaxed her leg and then repeated the procedure on the other leg. He kissed her belly twice, once for each baby and crawled up beside her. She turned onto her side, held her hand on the side of his face and pulled him toward her, kissing him again, tasting herself on his tongue and him tasting himself on her tongue. She slid her hand down between them and smiled. He was fully erect again. She moved her hand away and he pulled them closer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He moved his hands over her back and nibbled lightly on her ear.

He rolled her over and entered her slowly, allowing her pregnant womb to accept him on her terms and allowing her to find a comfortable position. He stayed still for a moment, his swollen and now throbbing penis buried deep inside; her warm, wet wall wrapped tightly around him and he caught himself sighing with contentment deciding nothing in life could match the feeling of this moment, the moment they found every time they made love where they were one person for a moment that was so brief you would miss it if you weren't paying attention.

"Jack." She whispered, snapping him out of his daze.

He smiled at her and began moving in and out, keeping his strokes even and calm, wanting to enjoy her and this incredibly romantic scene, kissing her, holding her and stilling for her while she came, picking right back up with the same steady pace once her orgasm bottomed out. He rolled them over again, positioning Kate on top of him. She looked tired so he pulled her forward until their mouths were touching, kissing her lightly as he thrust into her, the power behind it pushing her forward into a deeper kiss and then allowing her to slide back down. She came again quickly and he could tell she'd had about all her body could take. He lifted her off of him and laid her down on her side, spooning his body around her from behind. He lifted her leg and entered her again making her moan and hold tightly to the arm he had wrapped around her.

"Shhh, relax babe. Just let me hold you and love you and let the next one just happen." He coaxed in a soft, sexy and relaxing tone.

He held her close, moving his hand softly over her while he moved his rock hard penis in and out of her. The feel of him sliding so effortlessly, yet with a timed precision that his body and his mind was in tune with was incredibly hot, making her horny for him all over again, her vagina releasing a fresh wave of heat, so hot and moist she felt him jerk and then groan into her ear.

"Jesus Kate you can't imagine……Oh fuck." He groaned and let go, pumping into her a few more times as he continued to come and then finally stopping, staying inside her, keeping his arm wrapped around her, both their bodies wet with sweat and drying in front of the fire, the warmth from it soothing them and making them drowsy, both falling asleep, the events of the day, the wine and the sex making sleep come pretty much like their life came these days, naturally, peacefully and with little or no effort.

Obviously their days weren't all peaches and cream and they had their fair amount of fights and crises with their children, but the insanity that had plagued their lives was gone, especially for Jack who since moving to Vermont had realistically learned to live in the moment and cherish every one of them.

THE END

_**Many thanks to all of you for staying with this and offering your kind reviews, I enjoyed writing it and was pleased that some actually found it entertaining.**_


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